How to love and be loved | Billy Ward | TEDxFoggyBottom

  • Published on Apr 3, 2014
  • Through a story of one of his students, Billy shows the importance of loving others and of being loved.
    Billy Ward is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and has been practicing in for the past 13 years in the New York City Suburbs of New Jersey. In addition to having a private practice, he has also been counseling students at Seton Hall Prep High School since 1998. Currently he is the director of retreats for the school and also teaches a senior course for Human Development and Theology. Billy's approach to teaching centers on the development of mind, body and spirit. His personal philosophy is LOVE and Be LOVED.
    Billy is a graduate from Georgetown University where he studied Psychology. He was also the quarterback of the football team for four years. He had a short stint with the Baltimore Ravens in 1999, which was a great experience and personal achievement. He continues to credit his athletic experiences with helping him to understand the mind-body connection and the ability to set a life goal with great determination and tenacity. After leaving Baltimore he continued his study of psychology at Seton Hall University where he attained his Masters Degree and Post Masters Degree.
    Billy is married to his soul mate and best friend Lia. They have two sons, two-year-old JD and 5 month old Casey. The family is completed by their Golden Retriever, Grover Ward.
    In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 1 440

  • Afehxy
    Afehxy 18 hours ago

    This is deep I’m 19 years old and love does play a big role in life. Even if it’s unconditional love.

  • Haley Wilkerson
    Haley Wilkerson 3 days ago +1

    The end made me cry😭❤🙏

    • EliEnigma
      EliEnigma 2 days ago

      Haley Wilkerson omg seriously

  • emily decker
    emily decker 4 days ago +1

    This is the dude in the romantic comedy that’s dating the main character’s crush

  • Kerstin Wilson
    Kerstin Wilson 6 days ago


  • XshootmedownX III
    XshootmedownX III 7 days ago

    I wonder if he would of married Daniel!

  • Bryan McNulty
    Bryan McNulty 7 days ago

    Wow, great idea and what a story ...loved it.

  • Devil Dura
    Devil Dura 14 days ago

    I think this was destiny made by Daniel

  • antidepressant11
    antidepressant11 14 days ago

    sometimes love doesn't come with a smile though. love isn't always kindness. sometimes it is expressed more subtely.

  • antidepressant11
    antidepressant11 14 days ago

    that's up there with one of the best speeches ive ever heard

  • Sinnaca Shaw
    Sinnaca Shaw 15 days ago

    Emotional maturity

  • 曾義舜
    曾義舜 18 days ago +2

    Thank you for your genuine speech and sharing. Tears well up in my eyes. I'm Buffalo from Taiwan.

  • Nate Strayhorn
    Nate Strayhorn 23 days ago

    I used this for a lo-fi beat :)

  • Gloria Drah
    Gloria Drah 23 days ago

    Thank you

  • mindlesstube
    mindlesstube 24 days ago

    If Loving not going to stop you from dying an early death what's the point. I think staying alive is more important than love.

  • Zahid H Khan
    Zahid H Khan 25 days ago


  • Suparno Bhattacharya

    Absolutely beautiful.

  • Other People’s Lives


  • Evelyn Suero
    Evelyn Suero Month ago

    Real tear-jerker.

  • Tina
    Tina Month ago

    BLESS YOU 🙏 And Daniel for your Beautiful and inspiring message!!!
    LOVE ❤
    Flows through US ALL ☯❤☯

  • Kiwirainberry
    Kiwirainberry Month ago

    I knew they got married 😭😭

  • Brendan Hartwig
    Brendan Hartwig Month ago

    Wait this dude was a guidance counselor at my high school? S'cuse me??

  • Hien Nguyen
    Hien Nguyen Month ago

    yeah well, reality just sinks in. I should hope to be loved. i am learning to work on myself. I am glad that i learning to love myself

  • Carolina Pacheco
    Carolina Pacheco Month ago


  • Bho Check
    Bho Check Month ago

    I agree with him but i also think it's important to qualify love: I believe love's most basic form is to wish someone well/genuine happiness. That's it. God bless y'all

  • Month ago

    When he asked to picture the person who acts like the sun in your life, I couldn't think of anyone, which is sad. But then, I realized I'm that person. Gosh, I love me for loving me.

  • FIRE
    FIRE Month ago

    I couldnt imagine anyone. I dont have much people around me.

  • Laura Bonano
    Laura Bonano 2 months ago

    My mom’s...she spent at least 50,000 to send me to college, and still loves me as I now work in a kitchen at a local natural foods store...thanks mom.

  • James Gipe Gipe!!!
    James Gipe Gipe!!! 2 months ago +1

    Watching I do RU-clip videos basically some are project save the world some are about love

  • Olivia Khouw
    Olivia Khouw 2 months ago


  • Brady Zylla
    Brady Zylla 2 months ago

    I NEVER cry and this got me.

  • Gabriella Uccellini
    Gabriella Uccellini 2 months ago

    I have just broke up with my boyfriend and after watching this video I want to cry. He was my sun, my disco ball, my lighthouse, and now he decided to move on without me.
    I will love him forever.

  • Fatima Faisal
    Fatima Faisal 2 months ago

    I couldn't think of anyone who would be like a sun or light house or a disco ball in my life.......

  • LateNite
    LateNite 2 months ago

    I've forgotten how to love people. I've pushed almost everyone out of my life and now I don't know who I am anymore. I just feel numb. When I think back 10 years ago it's like I was a totally different person. I use to be so happy and upbeat.

  • zepher
    zepher 3 months ago

    when someone that is your love, but you aren't there's.

  • Alexander Gustafsson
    Alexander Gustafsson 3 months ago +1

    Sir, u say - When people choose love they choose right. I fall in love in a psychopath that still have me stuck in mental illness. What im saying is love is not always right, it depends on what you are in love in and whom.

  • Jay O
    Jay O 3 months ago

    “The most important relationship will have is the one with ourselves..”

  • Maria Svensson
    Maria Svensson 3 months ago


  • Nicolás
    Nicolás 3 months ago

    I dont have anyone that loves me

  • Angree boii
    Angree boii 3 months ago

    The important thing is not to think much, but to love much, and so to do what best awakens us to love.

  • Ademord
    Ademord 3 months ago

    I'm not crying, you're crying.

  • Zoea Zsss
    Zoea Zsss 3 months ago

    The Beatles said "All You Need Is Love :)"

  • Angelita J Vaughan
    Angelita J Vaughan 3 months ago

    Never expected to hear this talk. Very interesting and aspiring. RIP Daniel. You sounds amazing.

  • Dasha Sintsova
    Dasha Sintsova 3 months ago

    What if you dont have someone who loves you unconditionally the excersise with the sun dosent work.

  • Steve Rotter
    Steve Rotter 3 months ago

    Great video! I need to find someone

  • jbird Perez
    jbird Perez 3 months ago

    this was good . . thankssomething to think about be kind first !

  • Firefly Lullaby
    Firefly Lullaby 3 months ago

    The sun is my mum...the disco ball is my best friend...but I don't have a lighthouse in my life yet

  • Eve Gloria
    Eve Gloria 3 months ago

    Oh wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • victoriae
    victoriae 3 months ago

    This!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

  • Tamar, Tamuna Nemsadze
    Tamar, Tamuna Nemsadze 3 months ago

    When I am that much loving , people tend to take advantage of it. It is very expensive to be loving.

  • AriesMale88
    AriesMale88 3 months ago

    When he said visualize, I had nobody come to mind..

  • AriesMale88
    AriesMale88 3 months ago

    He has impeccable speech abilities

  • sivaram kumareswaran
    sivaram kumareswaran 3 months ago

    What if you are an orphan and is hated, can you say that god loves you?

  • Z E R O
    Z E R O 3 months ago +1

    I am my own sun, lighthouse and disco ball.

  • cs2dogs
    cs2dogs 3 months ago

    This Ted Talk not only had me in tears by the end, but I also found this truly inspirational. Thank you, Billy Ward & Daniel.

  • philosophico scientificus

    Meh, this one sucked.

  • Elio Garcia
    Elio Garcia 4 months ago


  • Keith Foester
    Keith Foester 4 months ago +1

    the volume gets lower as the video goes.

  • short potato
    short potato 4 months ago

    this was great, tho i cant think of anyone to fit in to my lighthouse or sun, my teaher played this today in class and she was really hyped about it. when your teachers in a good mood we're all in a good mood. so thanks it was really inspirational.

  • Moeed Shaikh
    Moeed Shaikh 4 months ago

    You can't ask who person do you think with all these question while I am watching it know why she is constantly on my mind.

  • lila 123456789
    lila 123456789 4 months ago

    Pls ignore my comment, its not related to the video
    You will be loved too. As i said, i will look for you when the time is right
    All i wish to you is to just relax as of now. Things will get better for you soon.

  • Fahila Oluyitan
    Fahila Oluyitan 4 months ago

    I’m not crying! You are!!

    LATEESHA SMITH 4 months ago

    That was beautiful.

  • &a.l.l.thatjazz
    &a.l.l.thatjazz 4 months ago

    I'm not crying you're crying

  • &a.l.l.thatjazz
    &a.l.l.thatjazz 4 months ago

    Omfg what a crazy coincidence. I happen to watching this on 2/7 which is the day Daniel died.

  • Mais Faisal
    Mais Faisal 4 months ago

    this is literally one of the best and most inspiring videos ive ever watched!

  • Gareth Davies
    Gareth Davies 4 months ago

    i came here for love and got depressed, i couldn't think of anyone for anything, i am truly alone

  • Gayle Santone
    Gayle Santone 4 months ago

    This is so beautiful. I wish our world would reflect this in every way, wouldn’t we all much happier

  • QuiveringNow
    QuiveringNow 4 months ago

    We're so lucky that he let us know the secret to our purpose here on earth. Could he be any more arrogant?

  • Hubert Parchomiuk
    Hubert Parchomiuk 4 months ago

    1. When people chose love they choose right
    2. The most important relationship is with ourselves
    3. We are here to love and be loved.
    4. Sun - Iza
    5. Lighthause - trener Hubert, Adam, Michał B?
    6. Disco ball - Michał Ej, Iza
    7. Daniel was to him a disco ball. All people reflected his smile and energy. He was able to be free, to be himself. He did a handmade birthday card for the teacher. He was redefining cool. People loved him.
    8. The toughest guy in the room is the loving guy.
    9. Daniel died early.
    10. Anyone and everyone can be like Daniel even you and me

  • Maria Lugo
    Maria Lugo 5 months ago

    I never write anything but you have made me cry like crazy. Beautiful speech 💖😊

  • _ TheNiftyGal _
    _ TheNiftyGal _ 5 months ago

    I can't relate to this,im the loneliest person in this world



  • LauraNatalalia
    LauraNatalalia 5 months ago

    such a heartwarming story! my grandmother was definitely all of the three and i continue missing her every day

  • Lene Jeanette Taralrud
    Lene Jeanette Taralrud 5 months ago

    This video made me think about Jesus ❤️

  • K B
    K B 5 months ago

    I remember in high school that someone said I'd be walked over and hurt if I was happy and that was the first thing I ever started to believe in and it broke me and you saying that made me want to smile and try happy again but this time I'll be back stronger then ever because I played the weak go with the flow person I'm ready to try the stand up for what you believe and smile about it with love

  • Umar Abbasi
    Umar Abbasi 5 months ago

    Man I’m in a really bad place in my life, if I have to watch this entire video well taking notes. I guess this is what rock bottom looks like.

  • soumyadwip biswas
    soumyadwip biswas 5 months ago

    So help me
    This girl loves me so much
    So I need to open myself to her love right ?
    But My confusion lies that I don't feel the same thing inside my heart and I don't want to hurt her ever

  • Ja Richardson
    Ja Richardson 6 months ago

    I’m so messed up because my mom and dad were always around for $ and discipline. But never received the I love you”s and affirmations people and especially children need ... I now try to stop that cycle and remind my kids often their awesome and love them. it sucks as far as I don’t have nearly any sympathy or empathy for others I wish that can be fixed

  • Ja Richardson
    Ja Richardson 6 months ago

    Perfect cadence brother

  • JDKimpala
    JDKimpala 6 months ago

    Why does he look like animated nightwing?

  • KeaneOTC
    KeaneOTC 6 months ago

    This guy is a theology teacher at my school. Amazing teacher!

  • Chris
    Chris 6 months ago +1

    Listen, I'm over people who have found love talking about finding love like it's some occurance that is bound to happen... like it's some right. You are not entitled to love. You are not entitled to comfort by the hands of another individual. You are not entitled to that sense of security... you're just lucky if you find all of that and more. We need to stop giving people a false sense of comfort by saying there is someone out there for everyone, when in fact, many people will never meet that someone.
    This is not about loving yourself enough to love someone else and be loved. This is about actual, real life and the decisions human beings make. It may not be your fault you're single. It may not be your fault you're sad, but it is you're fault if that's the way you need to be to protect yourself, and I wish that was talked about more. I wish we talked about how others should be treated more. There would be a lot less broken hearts if everyone decided to be forthright about his or her feelings, and there would be a lot less pain if we learned that your match may truly never be out there. This hypothesis is a blanket statement that's been said for years without viable proof. Don't believe everything everyone tells you.

  • Cringemaster64
    Cringemaster64 6 months ago

    I lost my father May 7th. I went into a deep depression and cycles of darkness. As a defense mechanism I shut everything off... I’ve been numb for a while, I’m not quite sure how to “love” anymore or feel loved. I embraced this sadness naturally as a season but I feel it will never pass. How do I escape being numb? I don’t just mean relationships...

    CONCEPT DESIGNS 6 months ago

    Anybody else fall asleep 7 min?

  • Stephanie Ross
    Stephanie Ross 6 months ago

    Wow. 😥😭😍❤❤❤❤ Sprinkle that love everywhere until we're all infected

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      wow! thanks for watching:) follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Junior Martinez
    Junior Martinez 6 months ago +1

    In order to love, one must unconditionally love himself or herself first..

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      couldn't agree more! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Kostantinos Kanelopoulos

    To those who can't picture somebody... picture you, you're all ways there.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      so true! thanks for sharing! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • rennbot555
    rennbot555 6 months ago

    Wow. This was amazing glad I clicked it randomly

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      humbled:) follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • SirLockInBottom
    SirLockInBottom 6 months ago

    Money, money, and money - money matters most. 8D

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      you can't take it with you! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Catherine Foote
    Catherine Foote 7 months ago

    I’m so thankful that you’re a teacher. Your students are blessed with you understanding about being a man and being loving. I’ve taught for twenty years so far and there is nothing else I’d rather do.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      i'm so thankful that you are a teacher too!!! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • simon dean
    simon dean 7 months ago

    amazing man god bless you xxxx

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      may god bless you too! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Desiree Gabriel
    Desiree Gabriel 7 months ago

    The quote about the sun was actually by hafiz :-)

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      ur right! my mistake! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • evan bowling
    evan bowling 7 months ago

    I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone or having a relationship. Im 20 years old and have never been in a relationship. I met a couple of girls i thought was attractive and I could picture living my life with them, but when i would hang out with them i never really felt intimacy; i mean i wanted to get intimate with them but i just couldn’t do it because i was so scared of failing or doing something wrong. It felt awkward to me. I don’t know what to do tbh.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      the risks necessary to make a connection are scary...and well worth it:) follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Sathya Colella
    Sathya Colella 7 months ago

    At the end i've started to cry.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      it's ok to cry!! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Bhagyashree Satghar
    Bhagyashree Satghar 7 months ago

    Thank you so much for explaining how to love unconditionally. You have inspired a lot within this few minutes.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      thank you! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

  • Kirsten Williams
    Kirsten Williams 7 months ago


  • iKONtookmyChicken
    iKONtookmyChicken 7 months ago

    Boyfriend broke up with a week ago, after 3 years. Dated in high school mostly. Both of us are in college, he's only 3 hours away from me. But he said it felt like we were drifting apart

  • jana
    jana 7 months ago

    n consigo levar a sério homem cis hétero branco falando de amor

  • Mister Parker
    Mister Parker 7 months ago +35

    The toughest guy is the love . Swear I been insecure my entire life . No ones the blame it just happened & I never knew it was me . I'm upset cause I didn't love harder but I most definitely will today. I'm sick of anger I'm tired of feeling unloved , I need it I crave it .

    • Florine Taylor
      Florine Taylor 19 days ago

      I crave it too
      Ppl see me as someone to use bc Im a giver. Now Im fearful. I pray for the love I see some others hv. Ive tried some of everything. I understand!! It always the wrong person. I just dont know.

      DOPE CLEF Month ago +1

      You all deserve it. I believe in all tree of yah

    • Han Nguyen
      Han Nguyen 6 months ago +1

      Me too, sometimes I find myself wondering or even craving knowing what it's like to love someone selflessly.

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago +1

      keep sharing the love in your heart! follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation

    SLOPPY DONUT 7 months ago

    1:23 "we are here on this very Earth to love and be loved" Billy Ward

    • wardcounseling1
      wardcounseling1 6 months ago

      :) follow me on instagram @billywardmotivation