What you MUST do to LEAVE an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

The hardest part of being able leave is that not many abusers are abusive 100% of the time. There are sometimes 70% good, loving times. But 30% really horrible times.

Girls, I am 60 and have gone through 2 divorces...young ladies, don't waste your years on someone who is a taker...Takers are people who take, your hopes, your self, and your soul...you feel empty and they never give... except to get... remember, this is your life...year in year out, this is your time... VALUABLE TIME because you are valuable...don't waste your time trying to get someone to like and love you...if you have to do that, they are stingy...with themselves and everything thing they own...think smart...learn about yourself and love yourself...your worth it

"You can't have a rational conversation with an abusive partner, bc if they recognized they're abusive, they would've done something about it by now" - This really hit home for me. Thank you so much Steph💗

I broke up with him today. I deserve better. It’s been a rollercoaster. Now the healing begins!

This is exactly what I needed to hear!!
I want to move on ... I’ve been in this toxic relationship for 8 years and this video has given me the strength to put a stop to this cycle!

I broke it off completely after 3 years of an abusive relationship 3 months ago. It was the best decision of my life, that bad situation made me a better stronger person, I have so much more appreciation for good people. I’m now in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I look at the past as a place of reference not a place of residence.

We have to treat the narc as they are and not as we would like them to be. The lesson for me was to rediscover my own power. I was never truly a victim. I was a willing participant. My narc was a mirror exposing me to my character flaws such as codependency, low self esteem and poor boundaries to name a few. Narcs are predators that don’t get better. The more time you invest in them they become better predators.

I have had 2 relationships like this. I left both when it became physical. That crossed the line. I am now married to a beautiful man and will be celebrating our silver wedding at Christmas. So yes, you can recover and move on.

This video literally changed my life. I left my abusive partner and am doing so much better now. Thank you stephanie 💕

I'm choosing to love myself first... I walked away from the situation plenty of times and today is my new beginning. I've mad a promise to myself that I deserve better. I will replay this video as many times as I need to, to stay mentally strong!

Breaking up is hard to do, but necessary to grow.

Hands down one of the best relationship advice videos I've seen. I shared it with a friend. This really helped me today... The hardest part is knowing it's time to walk away when pouring your heart out and trying to communicate time and time again only to be ignored by the person who's never willing to admit their faults, apologize and work on resolution. You know it's over when you finally resort to name-calling because nothing else works, but then you just feel terrible while they continue to ignore you. There comes a time when you just have to respect yourself and your boundaries. Never let someone get comfortable disrespecting and/or disregarding you.

So so hard when there’s a child involved ☹️

Stephanie every time I watch you you say exactly what I went through 3 years ago. There is no rationalizing with them. I was a “terrible person, selfish person, the child is going to hate me, la la la”. I heard it all and it was awful but I ignored it with help. I quickly learned to argue was like arguing with a fence post. You are spot on and I hope this reaches people before they leave so they know what to expect. I had no idea what kind of fire I was playing with but I did it! And made it through it and am very happily remarried now. 🙏

8 years of marriage and with two young children, leaving my abusive husband finally came. I left by decision and the strength I didn't think I Had, helped me understand it was time to go. It's hard so hard especially trying not to feel guilty for leaving, but deeply I was fed up with the constant yelling, punching holes, put downs, humiliated, breaking things, belittled, etc Day by day I try to Surround myself with people who seem to understand me, and lifts up my spirit.
He still believes I'm coming back and says he will change. I still communicate bc we have children together, but he still tries to find ways to make me feel insecure. It takes day by day to rebuild the strength I've lost.
To those who haventeft, only you will know when it's time to leave. I'm still trying to fight off the feeling of guilt of leaving but I knox I'm at a better place.

So true🙌🏻I didn’t realize that he was isolating me!! If I work: where are you!! If I’m home: your always home!!! I have no freedom!! I thought after years of being with a narcissist I would never be in another covert abusive relationship!! There are so many versions of abuse 😔Thank you for this eye opening video 🙏🏻

The narcissist expects the relationship to end, right from the first day meeting you. They know you're not going to put up with their abuse and manipulation forever. You will leave or at least take a step back from giving them supply, to the point where they are forced to discard you. They know this is inevitable.

After 23 years a peaceful home is all I want.

I am so thankful I’ve found this channel. I’ve been wandering in the dark about what to do next and you’ve given me the tools to find myself and I am SO thankful of that ♥️ I’ve always thought of myself as the strong, always stood up for myself, never took crap from anyone person. But when I opened up to this person and he destroyed me to the point of hating myself and wondering why it’s MY fault, I really had to look back at why am I feeling this way? He’s taken my strength and turned it against me. You’ve given me courage to begin the journey of self love and begin the process of leaving. It’s scary but I know the outcome will be a better life for me and my child who does not need to witness his mother being taken advantage of. ♥️

I can't stop crying. Everything you say is so accurate and empowering

Almost 15 years with the wrong man. I knew it from the day i met him that he was probably not right for me, but i was attracted and intrigued.
6 months into it i received the first bit of verbal and emotional abuse, and it began to snowball and became a way of life. I left him the first time 5 years into it, with our 2 year old, and I ended up going back because i had very little to no resources to survive on my own. And then i left again, and came back, and again, and came back. I stayed long enough to finish college and left again, and came back.... and i don’t know what the hell is wrong with me that once i would leave it wouldn’t be long before i felt like i made a mistake, I’d feel guilty, id be manipulated, convinced that we could have so much more together and thinking maybe i didn’t try hard enough.
Two kids later and I’m awake to the knowledge that he will never change! He will never grow, he will never be better than what he is.
Dominating, controlling, loud, obnoxious, arrogant, demanding, difficult, impatient, judgemental...... and not there for me when I’m sick or hurt.
He wants a partner to help with finances and provide sex. But if i need emotional support he can’t be bothered. If I’m sick, it’s all in my head.... if i have a need , I’m crazy!!!
I’m sick of it! I’m not needy, I’m very independent, but I’m a human and i need a human connection.
This monster isn’t capable of that. All he does is manipulate me into thinking that he’s connecting but what’s he’s really doing is trying to convince me that I’m wrong and that he’s right.

So today I’ve cried so many times bc, strangely, I miss my abuser. Very similar experiences to you some of those who’ve replied (strangled, humiliated, chased by knives, etc.) Your video gives me strength and hope that I CAN get thru this.

Amazing video. Just what I needed to hear. I was feeling stuck in my emotions and this was the validation that I needed to continue to move forward

Mentally preparing myself and making myself tough! im ashamed how much i have put up with but financially dependent right now which plays right in to their hands! Thanks🙏

HAHA! Yes, I've totally been living on RU-clip to prepare myself to make this change in my life! It really has given me the strength to stand on my own two feet. The repetition of listening to these videos from Stephanie and many of the other vloggers has helped me to have the words in my head & heart so I am able to speak my truth when needed.,

Yesterday I broke up with my ex for the third and final time. He was very emotionally abusive as well as an alcholholic. I'm teetering on being strong and having an emotional breakdown. I have to keep my head in the right place or else I'll just break! Luckily I prepared myself for this but definately not easy.

I've been in and out of an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 yrs. I was codependent on him. I wanted to fix him because he was abused physically and emotionally by his mother. She recently passed and it breaks my heart that she left without making amends. So I made excuses for his cheating and at times narcissistic behavior. He's incapable of changing or doesn't want to but I can't do it anymore. I'm learning to love myself and being my own hero.
Thank you for sharing.

Thank you! I had an epiphany with the part about attempting to have a “logical” conversation with a person who is so obviously NOT ready to have one. It’s hard to NOT feel like the @$$hole when “you” finally work up the courage to say enough is enough and I can’t go on with this. It’s feels like ripping out someone’s heart and still feel like it is my fault… the difference is: i blame my self for letting it run so long :(

I cried this entire video. Thank you ❤️ everything you said was right so right! I can’t wait to watch the rest of your videos!

OMG I cannot thank you enough for validating my feelings of leaving my long 5 year emotional and power and controlling abusive relationship 💗

Thats it, I have been an emotional punching bag for 35 years. Its amazing what a strong person I was and how each year, bit by bit how slowly that person began to fade. When I decided to take a month vacation alone to see family, my husband constantly texted and called me to let me know that by leaving has made hin physically and mentally ill. It is my fault he has lost weight and feels that way. The sooner I return the better he will get because if he didn't love me so much he wouldn't feel that way. Yadda yadda yadda. Its amazing how good I feel away yet after his texts or calls, the pit of my stomache begins to ache and that sickening flush..i dont know what its called, returns. Why do I feel so guilty and happy at the same time (rhetoricall question). LOL. To think I allowed this for 35 years.

Needed this. Could you follow up with healing after an emotional abusive relationship?

Great video, with a humble delivery, which makes it easier to accept that a "cancerous relationship" can sneak up on anyone.

Oh my god. I wish I watched this before I tried to rekindle things with my abusive ex. I first saw your other video about why it’s hard to leave an abuse relationship and it hit every nail on the head, I started bawling. These videos help me heal and I’m so glad I found your channel.

Thank you!! Looking inward and digging out those deeply rooted things that brought me into and kept me going back to an abusive relationship is my current goal with life. I do not ever want to relive that cycle and want to live the best life fully free to be the me I was created to be. Love your vids!

Stephanie, you just summarized the last 5 years of my life! Your advice is spot on...incredibly so. Thank you for what you are doing!

Thank you for this message Stephanie. I am getting ready to go into a battle. After 34 years of abuse, I have left. I've been out for 2 months and in a couple weeks I will file for divorce. It's not the divorce that scares me. It's the battles that lead up to it and the courtroom. This is where I believe she will make herself the ultimate victim. It doesn't matter anymore. Freedom is not cheap. This message of yours really helped me . Thanks again, You are a blessing!! Ken Lips

I'm 20 years old and going through an emotional abusive relationship, somehow everything is my fault... My time will come soon

I finally left today, finally. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’m ready to see what will happen.

3:46 got me motivated deep in my 46 year old miserable, broke gut...THANK YOU...thank you...I can do this because I deserve better because I AM WORTHY.

leaving after 22 years probably the hardest thing I have ever done! I know I deserve so much better. I was having an anxiety attack when i started this video. you calmed me down and reaffirmed my feelings thank you so much

I needed this!! Thank you. Im so glad I found you!! Im dealing with trying to end a relationship like this at the moment...so thank you so much ❤

I’ve been in toxic relationships repeatedly throughout my entire life. Married and divorced only to marry the same person over and over and over again. I didn’t even know that this was a “thing“ until a few years ago. So here I am 12 years into a very toxic relationship and wanting so badly to make it work. It’s craziness I know. Such a hard place to be in when you realize what you’re dealing with but feel you have to try and work it out. Prayers please.

Thank you so much. I just left last night. I havent slept in over 24 hours and I needed this video. It was very soothing too, I've been so anxious all day.

Describing me and my 30 year relationship. Thanks for validating and focusing my perspectives. Thanks for sharing and helping to self-soothe.🐦🌈💜😍

I just left an emotionally abusive relationship, of course I feel upset now but I realised that I was way more upset and depressed within the relationship. I’m confident I can do this, I will clean the slate and I know I am a strong woman who can do this. Thank you so much, love this video ❤️

Damn that was like a whole season of therapy packed into 15 minutes. Thanks!!!

Mrs. Stephanie Lynn You are such a life saver. Thanks for you kind words. I felt so guilty about wanting to leave especially since me and my husband have a newborn but thanks to your videos I feel so much more confident about my future. Stay Blessed and Thanks Again🌝🌝

You are saying everything I needed to hear. Alot of it was already in my mind, but you're hitting it spot on. Thank you.

Thank you so much for this. Praying for a family member who is in a relationship with a narcissist and isn't ready to leave. We are just waiting to help when she is ready.

Hi! Im in the process of learning my emotional abusive husband but my self-esteem is pretty much none existing at these point and I would love to learn how to build my self-esteem and self worth from the ground up.... Please make a video about self-love !!!!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HELP.

Thank you. I’ve been in a very dark place this past few days, and this video has REALLY helped lift me again. You’ve reminded me that there is a light at the end ❤️

You just spoke to my soul. Thank you. I needed this ❤

Stephanie, thank you so much for this video. It’s one of my favourites!
You have been such a great help to me in getting through this horrible period of my life. Thanks for this great support 🙏🏼

In a lot of your videos you’ve talked about Consequence when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and I would love if you could make a video talking about types of consequences because the only thing I can think about is leaving the situation, I’d like to know more please and thank you.

I am getting closer to this becoming a reality with my relationship. I have been lacking the confidence so have turned to RU-clip. Just like you mentioned, this video has made me feel like I'm not alone. Everything you said in this video relates to me it is crazy. This is giving me the confidence and calmness I need to make a big step in the right direction in my life. Thank you so much.

My heart is breaking because I’ve come to these understandings and it’s gonna to be a rough road out,thank you for telling me what I couldn’t tell myself

Stephanie, you are on target 🎯 once again! I'm 63 and finally have a peace of mind and truly understand it takes power and strength to MOVE ON! And yes we do deserve BETTER!
Thank you Steph!

We are both toxic to each other. I hate myself and he is a selfish monster from hell.

I am going true healing process right now and its so hard ! I feel like this is the end of the road for me ! its awful... to someone to make you feel guilt for everything you do since the day you got married ! I am happy to find this channel ,its helping me emotionally ,bringing back my confidence ! Thank you Stephanie Lyn

Your videos are my lifeline to sanity. I am learning what it looks like to have a “self.” Without these videos, I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to handle this. Thank you from the depths of my heart. ❤️❤️

Thank goodness I found you. I’m gearing up to leave a marriage and he is definitely lashing out. Looking forward to my new life with my daughter so I may heal, create and love from the inside out. Thank you so much for all of your content. 🌈💕❤️☺️

This was just wonderful advice! Thank you for the guidance and for sharing!!

I’ve started watching your videos pretty recently and this is my favorite thus far! I’ve learned so much, so thank you and I went through the same friend shedding you described when I got divorced 2 years ago.

It's only been about a year and a half and I'm ready for it to be over. I'm really hoping this relationship will come to an end so I can be happy again and work on myself and move on. I feel so tied down and like I can't leave and I'm so young! I'm only 19, I want out. I want to start fresh.

WOW... This is an AMAZING message and I thank God that you shared your thoughts. I'm in the mist of going through this and this has confirmed that I am ON THE RIGHT TRACK. I finally found the courage to say ENOUGH! IM DONE! (and actually standing firm on my decision). A lot of my thoughts were described in this video. I am really excited about this next part of my life. I just have to get through this hump. I've been in therapy, writing, watching YOU on RU-clip. Thank you for this channel!

Thanks so much for this straightforward and positive video! I am still in my relationship and was feeling extra weak and self-hating because of that, but I appreciate your reminder that it takes time to build an alternative, financially, etc., to leaving your current life behind. I do have to say though that it is really difficult to hear about surrounding oneself with loving people.... I think many of us watching these videos are here because we don't necessarily have the support of friends or family to encourage us.

Thank you for making this video! I’ve already considered moving out, I started making a game plan, and it’s scary. I have those moments of doubt, but this video helped me listen to myself and make me feel excited for the first time in years. I’m being completely serious when I say that I’m ecstatic for leaving my emotionally abusive relationship, I’m ready to finally start living my life :0)

I needed this,you have completely described my current situation 😭😭😭,I am starting over again and I can't wait to see the person I'm becoming thank you

I really like you Stephanie and appreciate everything you teach. I’m at the perfect time in my life to hear this. I came out of an emotionally abusive relationship and realized what it was and I’m still young. For me personally, I’m like you where if I know about this then I’ll protect myself from it but I didn’t know what it was and my confidence just got low. But now I’m gonna be aware of this and I’m already trying to take responsibility for my life but you motivate me even further.

You help me so much....I play your vids on the way to work. Thank you! Request: Could you please do some more vids on corporate co/worker/ manager relationships? For instance dealing with work place manipulators and harrasment. Plz and thank you!

You come across so professionally. I just want to live without emotional toxicity so often.

Ok....after suffering for about 3 yrs w this abusive person, ,,,I left yesterday...I prepared for yesterday for a year....I found the strenght to leave .😵😿😥
I couldnt live another day...I was dead...I feel like a shredded piece of rag....Im going to heal and become the person I was before he drained my spirit...it was Soooo bad....I have severe anxiety bcuz of this relationship....I left yesterday while he was at work...I literally escaped...when 3:00 pm comes around everyday my anxiety goes thru the roof...because its the time he is on his way home...I knew that at 3:50 he was going to see my car not there and run in to find I left.I BLOCKED him everyway I could ..I was TERRIFIED...Im now staying w a fam member...but I have to park my car two blocks away so he wont drive around to see if Im at my fam house...the aftermath TRAUMA ,,,Im paranoid he is going to pop up...I promised MYSELF N GOD N MY FRIENDS N FAM I WONT GO BACK...I see a therapist...Im getting my own place in Sept...I love myself enough to know that I wasn't growing and this last time he left me BRUISES all over..where they are visible...☹😔 I had two bruises on my neck ..one on each side...he choked me so bad ..I looked in the mirror and I seen all the bruises and they hurt just as bad as the mental n emotional scars...I said...thats it...I have been thru enough of abuse..from childhood..THAT was the last draw......Now I feel ....heartbroken and happy at the same time..😢...I need to heal...I am very spiritual...its God THAT has guided and given me strenght when I was ready to kill MYSELF.....I dont want young girls to think that its normal to get treated this way......its not...We are not THE PROBLEM
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES...💖 Stay prayed up..keep God 1st..,God Bless

I ended a 3-year emotionally abusvie relationship a few days ago; this video encouraged & inspired me. Thank You!

i had to get out recently. my tears were all down my face! i am so glad that i had gotten out. my ex bf was too much. so many of my friends were telling me to get him out! I didn't know what to do. I called the domestic violence hotline. then i realized how he used me, and take advantage of my emotions. Controlling someone is never normal. i am strong enough to leave that behind me.

Thanks for all your videos. During my transition of having left this type of relationship, your videos allowed me the self-reflect. You’re so right, there was great comfort to know I wasn’t alone or helpless. My life is not perfect but it is so much better than before. I am still learning about my self-worth but I left. I started to see my videos after I left and I got mentally tough. I thank you very much.

Love your videos ❤
And i thank you
I don't think it's easy to leave when spouse controls the $

You information is invaluable. I’ve learned so much about myself and why I’ve attracted narcissistic men my entire life. Struggling through the holidays after this last betrayal, but your RU-clip info has really helped.

Thank you ❤ I made the decision and left the relationship over 2 months ago but the self-doubt and uncertainty kicked in and I have been questioning my decision....until I saw this. The thing that hit me the most was to stop thinking that I could have and continue to have rational discussions with him. Nearly ever word you said resonated with me. And I wholeheartedly agree with your '3 things you MUST do'. Xxx

Hi, Stephanie I'm back taking notes on this I'm afraid to leave my home but I will listen to you. Thank you too seems like all of 2019 I kept coming back.

These videos have been my life line ! They have given me the strength to get out , even if I have to go to a hotel .

People who love you, love you at your core. I am entering a phase of life that includes war. It is not easy.

So grateful that I came across your video today! It's exactly what I needed.

If I can financially manage to get out of this marriage, I'm never doing this again.

This video truly is inspirational. I needed this. Thank you so much for this your videos are helping me get through some of the hardest times of my life right now.

This was amazing. Thank you for sharing this. Affirms that there is light at the other end of this. I just have to keep pushing!

I want to thank you for your video. It is so true that when you decide to let go of emotionally abusive relationships, the possibilities for meeting people who resonate with you in a more positive way happens. This is my experience and I am so grateful for it. I hope this message gives other people courage to do the same.

Thank u so much for this video. You hit the nail on the head for me and gave me the push I needed. What you have said in this video is so true of how my partner has made me feel.

I’m being isolated, doesn’t like me seeing my family, doesn’t want me going to work related things, always thinking I’m sleeping with male dentists that I work with, doesn’t like me calling my kids when they’re with their father. It’s so fucking draining and hard as fuck ! Please lord give me the strength to leave this narcissist

I needed this thank you so much. Leaving and moving on is not easy but when someone is pushing you that far regardless of what you for them. Self respect and Yourself is and has to be prior

I have started to watch your videos and been in an abusiva relationship for 16yrs. My fear has been how am I going to make it in this world but I decided to go visit a shelter that will help me and my kids. I thank you for your words. I need to do this while I still can.

This is so helpful as I'm struggling at this time from a toxic relationship and feel guilt

I am watching this in tears, because FINALLY someone gets it! I am going through emotional abuse, and trying to co-parent, most times I find myself giving in to demands because I do not want my son to face the trauma. I have to stay strong, but I break down more times than I hold myself together. I am grateful for an old friend who is extremely patient, and steps in to cheer me up, my mum and sister who talk me through it when all I want is to scream and stand up for myself. There is no winning with an emotionally abusive person, what I have learnt to do is to stop playing his game. What I don't encourage, won't grow. What I choose to ignore, won't eat me up. I have thought of leaving for good, but my son keeps asking to see his dad, so day by day, I am strengthening my boundaries, and surrounding my life with people that build me, and having as little communication as I can with him. Thank you for the videos, Finally, I don't have to face this on my own.

Thank you !!!!! You always validate me when I hesitate .... And it's so sincronice, THANK YOU !!!
Wish you the best for you in your life !!! 🌞⭐️🌟

Love how easily relatable this is to me. For me though, might be more pathetic, but, he tells me to leave if I want to leave. He tells me he will cheat if I deserve it. Yet, here I am. Thank you for the video. Can’t wait for that day.

I absolutely love your videos! They are super useful for people who are stuck in emotionally abusive relationship and who want to leave. Thanks again!

Hi Stephanie! I left almost a year ago but I’m still feeling the emotional effects. Can you make a video on how to get over it or move on?

The first two minutes and I want to be strong enough to leave my relationship. You are right it feels like living two lives, I even want to run away to my country. people have told me to just leave but isnt easy, I feel atached with super glue, but I want decide to leave soon, he told me that If i leave Ill hurt him, that Im a bad person... Thanks for this video, I ll be brave, ill be strong...I want be confident and not going back ....

I will replay this video as a true workout just like abs exercise!! This video is PERFECT in re-wiring my emotional health!

Thank you for this, really solid and valuable advice, I'm going through this currently and it is hard