Staying stuck or moving forward | Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko | TEDxWilmington

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  • Published on Sep 8, 2014
  • This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko is the founder of LNZ Consulting and an Adjunct Associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania. She received her bachelor's degree from Harvard University and her master's and doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania. Lani is a solution-oriented therapist, consultant and researcher who specializes in transition management. Her treatment strategies have become a training model for mental health professionals across the country. Her research has been published in several leading psychiatric and social work journals. In addition to mental health counseling for individuals, couples, and families, Lani provides coaching and training to individuals and corporations regionally and nationally. She helps Fortune 500 companies as well as struggling non-profit associations to manage crises, plan for and effect transitions, manage and redirect difficult people, and effectively lead the people they serve. Dr. Nelson-Zlupko works as a bridge between scientific findings and real life people. She resists the notion that people’s problems are rooted in personal flaws, or that standard talk therapy is sufficient for change. She believes skills can and do transform mood, behavior, relationships, and organizations. She is passionate about her work and believes that well-adjusted, confident people are the backbone of each generation.
    Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko is the founder of LNZ Consulting and an Adjunct Associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania. She received her bachelor's degree from Harvard University and her master's and doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania. Lani is a solution-oriented therapist, consultant and researcher who specializes in transition management. Her treatment strategies have become a training model for mental health professionals across the country. Her research has been published in several leading psychiatric and social work journals. In addition to mental health counseling for individuals, couples, and families, Lani provides coaching and training to individuals and corporations regionally and nationally. She helps Fortune 500 companies as well as struggling non-profit associations to manage crises, plan for and effect transitions, manage and redirect difficult people, and effectively lead the people they serve. Dr. Nelson-Zlupko works as a bridge between scientific findings and real life people. She resists the notion that people’s problems are rooted in personal flaws, or that standard talk therapy is sufficient for change. She believes skills can and do transform mood, behavior, relationships, and organizations. She is passionate about her work and believes that well-adjusted, confident people are the backbone of each generation.
    About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 221

  • I ROAM ALONE
    I ROAM ALONE 3 days ago

    Whoa. Wish she was my therapist. 😏

  • Barry Alan
    Barry Alan 12 days ago

    Thank You. Very well presented. Good Strategy

  • unsia fika
    unsia fika 14 days ago

    If I could give two thumbs up for her here, I WILL!

  • Dee Rock
    Dee Rock 19 days ago +1

    Awesome..need more like you!

  • Dessi Bel
    Dessi Bel 21 day ago

    I do self help book reviews if anyone wants to see 💞💞

  • Agrika Khatri
    Agrika Khatri 21 day ago

    Best Ted talk ever heard.

  • Lucy T
    Lucy T 24 days ago

    💛💛

  • Ana Luisa
    Ana Luisa 29 days ago

    Soooo trueeeeee, thanks for crushing my ego :)

  • Mustafa.
    Mustafa. Month ago

    She is beautiful

  • Extremotional
    Extremotional Month ago

    Get on the arrow and stop overthinking things.Commit to always moving forward.

  • Aloyce Motive
    Aloyce Motive Month ago

    what is her office address

  • Lance Marchetti
    Lance Marchetti Month ago

    I must ask....moving forward toward what?? Our goals or our Graves?
    If we're all gonna die one day, then why are we so unprepared for it?

  • Mandy Compsien
    Mandy Compsien 2 months ago

    what a woman, so inspirational. Thank you very much for this Talk

  • Winona Daphne
    Winona Daphne 2 months ago

    she is such an eloquent speaker, i really admire that about her

  • Alayna
    Alayna 2 months ago

    What happens when the thing you are stuck with is an abusive family member you have no other choice but to rely on because you are trying to restart your financially crippled life?

    • Divya Srivastav
      Divya Srivastav 11 days ago

      Put your earphones on and just ignore her / him. And work on becoming financially independent !

  • Christabelle Crazee
    Christabelle Crazee 2 months ago

    Excellent...🖤

  • Neel Nickkey
    Neel Nickkey 3 months ago

    This is the best Ted talks so far till now I came across !!!c

  • Danqing Dai
    Danqing Dai 4 months ago

    I understand and agree that sometimes when we get stuck in a problem for too long, it's better to drop it, or step back and start walking to a different direction. This is easy when we are singles and are the only rulers for our lives. But what if the problem has something to do with your relationship that you treasure very much? I feel really stuck with some problems in my relationship for months and am slowly losing myself. I could totally imagine myself getting back on track with life and move on being more whole once (or if) I step out of it. For me that is the easy way. But I value this relationship and the person so much that I dont want to choose the easy way. What are the alternatives to make a big change/turn in this situation without ending the relationship?

  • Halar Ali
    Halar Ali 4 months ago

    Good One👌

  • Nichapat Savigny
    Nichapat Savigny 4 months ago

    Watch out all or nothing!

  • Zhanna Shifman
    Zhanna Shifman 5 months ago

    I guess I just needed to hear that I'm not stuck at all, depending on how to look at the problem.

  • Lavender Violet
    Lavender Violet 5 months ago +4

    FOR THE SAKE OF HEALING: I have a little girl in me that needs to let out a pretty wildly-loud scream!

  • Jason English
    Jason English 5 months ago

    What she is saying sounds similar to the Christian idea of repentance. Turn around and engage the truth. You will become just like what you aim for. It is a self-evident truth in this life. The word responsibility comes to mind.

  • P Anagenesis
    P Anagenesis 5 months ago

    Hey! Pretty good tutorial and presentation!

  • Carol Simoneau
    Carol Simoneau 5 months ago

    Some of the things you are saying are dangerous and irresponsible. Do you understand that anyone out there could be listening to you? What if I were the type of person to say "she's so right, I should just put All of this pain in my rearview. Forget the grandchildren I don't have or the potential that is lost not only by the death of my own daughter but a generation of daughters and sons that are dying every day because of this. Ok, Miss Scarlet. Fiddly dee tomorrows another day. I should think about it then. What if I'm not sure that there is another tomorrow worth having. Just a bump? There are some things you don't just get over and some people that will now feel the guilt of their child's death along with the inadequacy of not dealing with it using the "over the bump" method.

    • Nicole Canizales
      Nicole Canizales 2 months ago

      You can forever remember, with sadness, the loss of a child ... and still get yourself un-stuck. She doesn't say to ignore pain ... she does say with her steps that you can learn to live again ... learn to truly live even with the pain of a lost child. Not easily, not quickly ... but she describes the steps one can take toward that kind of future.

  • umesh bansal
    umesh bansal 5 months ago

    wow superb talk

  • Lilly Catoe
    Lilly Catoe 5 months ago

    I am early retirement and have been through alot of trauma/loss. Experienced force enduced trauma, parents have passed, neighbors threatening and hurting, and stealing from me. I am trying to be more positive. As you say, I want to be on the arrow and become a better me. How do I do that and become unstuck? Where do I go now, where do I fit in, and How to achieve my excellence! Currently, I work with children and I encourage them to be all they can be, but I do not know why I am so stuck, myself.

    • Divya Srivastav
      Divya Srivastav 11 days ago

      What has to happen for you to be on the arrow and become better version of yourself ?

  • Izzy
    Izzy 5 months ago

    Good talk. I really needed that.

  • Wake Up Bharat
    Wake Up Bharat 5 months ago

    Hot

  • slimdudeDJC
    slimdudeDJC 5 months ago

    I was with her through much of this talk but @ 11:00, she lost me. How in the world do you equate ego with not accepting a problem deemed ' unconquerable? '

  • Mae Argibay
    Mae Argibay 5 months ago +1

    6:30 👏👏👏

  • Aijaz wani
    Aijaz wani 6 months ago

    Excellent.

  • 4supernatural
    4supernatural 6 months ago

    Brilliantly put, thank you very much! ✨💖🙏🏻✨
    Never put power in other peoples hands, about your life. If you have something that’s making you less the person you were meant to be. It’s time to look in a new direction. Your win is over here, just looks a little different ~ Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko

  • Melissa Waddell
    Melissa Waddell 6 months ago

    Persistence is key.... Thank you so much ❤

  • Rayana
    Rayana 6 months ago

    That was some much needed timely advice.

  • Esa Van Dusen
    Esa Van Dusen 6 months ago

    This is fantastic, thank you.

  • tuli nabila
    tuli nabila 6 months ago

    great

  • Brian Tremaine
    Brian Tremaine 7 months ago

    Great talk, it is very helpful to me.

  • Ranjan Kumar Speaker
    Ranjan Kumar Speaker 7 months ago

    A talk with substance... Helped a lot

  • Red Leaf
    Red Leaf 7 months ago +3

    Quote: “where attention goes, energy grows”. So focus on the solution, not the problem.

  • Red Leaf
    Red Leaf 7 months ago

    Obstacle=stepping stone=moving upwards & onwards

  • Red Leaf
    Red Leaf 7 months ago +2

    There’s no problems, only solutions.
    It’s how you view it which becomes a problem. As long as you deal with your own stuff, & how you deal with the situation will become easy. It’s all there to help us learn & grow.

  • jasmine Singh
    jasmine Singh 7 months ago

    Awesome

  • sweetazn208
    sweetazn208 7 months ago

    This gave me a lot of perspective

  • Jaybird2064
    Jaybird2064 7 months ago

    Awesome 👏 👏👏😎

  • MJT
    MJT 7 months ago

    Great sense of humor!

  • Aleksandra Rilak
    Aleksandra Rilak 7 months ago

    She's great! So inspirational, loved it!

  • IloveRyanGreasley
    IloveRyanGreasley 8 months ago +6

    I need her, I'm going to see if she can take me on as a client. I'm stuck for 7 years now, going absolutely nowhere, being "Stuck" has come to define who I am. It's not a situation anymore, it's an existence.

  • Terri Dennis
    Terri Dennis 8 months ago

    Thank you wow... So good

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall 8 months ago

    Hmm, I've be marinating in stuff too long. Trying to change it can only help. This drives home too that I don't have to wait for anybody else. They can't change things for me anyhow.

  • OneVoice Puerto Rico
    OneVoice Puerto Rico 8 months ago

    You are GREAT my DEAR! I belong to your world. Great words and all true.

  • Amanda Montejano
    Amanda Montejano 9 months ago

    Thank you for sharing :)

  • Caleb Hallford
    Caleb Hallford 9 months ago +2

    And..... pretty sure this just saved my life. Thank you!

  • Janis Froehlig
    Janis Froehlig 9 months ago +2

    You can work 90 hours a week at minimum wage and still never be able to afford a college education that will get you to the job you know you're best suited to do, or an apartment. You can picket six different ways 'til Sunday and the oceans will still be filling with 8000 tonnes of plastic every year. You can bike everywhere and the oceans will continue to rise. OK, yes, it's great that people are here getting past their problems. Some problems, though can only be addressed socially, and if people refuse to listen and participate in necessary changes, we are all stuck in this unhealthy pattern, entirely focused on our own stuff. When do we actually look up and listen to other people? To scientists?

  • Anon
    Anon 9 months ago +93

    Don't ever put power into other people's hands about your life!

    • slimdudeDJC
      slimdudeDJC 3 months ago

      +Lady DarkStarra
      Yes, negative can and often does tend to take what seems like eons to 'un-develop'. It was somewhat easier for me taking into account, my personality. And you are very welcome!

    • Lady DarkStarra
      Lady DarkStarra 3 months ago

      +slimdudeDJC your comment has been stuck in my head and I needed to see your words...
      It's easier said than done ...negative is not easily brushed aside for me...
      Ty
      DarkStarrAnon

    • Lady DarkStarra
      Lady DarkStarra 3 months ago

      Indeed you've shared the point in a nutshell ...good stuff
      DarkstarrAnon )O(

    • Geneva Tate
      Geneva Tate 5 months ago +2

      You are supposed to be able to count on your partner. You are supposed to be the one person that they can count on and they are supposed to be the same for you. Partners to the ground 💯

    • Geneva Tate
      Geneva Tate 5 months ago +2

      I didn't tell my last guy everything and it still didn't matter. You should be able to trust the one you love and "loves" you..... he would just go in circles. He was a master ☹️ but I'm a warrior at surviving. It won't be any different this time ❤️✌🏼 however I learned 💯

  • Kinghanaan
    Kinghanaan 9 months ago

    the funny part is i was searching for videos to help me letting go and move forward and when i saw the date Aug 2014 i wished i could go back to that year because so many interesting things happened to me then lol

  • Kinghanaan
    Kinghanaan 9 months ago

    loved it .. she seems interesting .. i wanna be her friend lol

  • gunjan sukhija
    gunjan sukhija 9 months ago

    Such a boost! Thanks I reckon watching it again n again to pursuade myself .

  • Blew
    Blew 9 months ago

    I'd given up on TED but this talk gives me hope. Great job!

  • Farihah Rashidi
    Farihah Rashidi 9 months ago

    Brilliant!

  • anglekan
    anglekan 10 months ago +1

    Damn she is hot.

  • I Am Not A Robot
    I Am Not A Robot 10 months ago +4

    YadaYadaYadaYadaYadaYadaYadaYada

  • Kimberly Thompson
    Kimberly Thompson 10 months ago

    How about you're stuck to long on not getting to the point.

  • Jbird Perez
    Jbird Perez 10 months ago

    She's great. .. adorable

  • Rod Kali
    Rod Kali 10 months ago

    I love the last part. Just persist until you're able to reinterpret

  • Julie Olsen
    Julie Olsen 10 months ago

    Love it!

  • Ezm23
    Ezm23 11 months ago +95

    Most of the people I know who are stuck have trouble deciding what to do next. They are stuck in a cycle of indecision. When they do decide something to do, the moment they fail, they quit. So I view "stuck" as a failure-indecision cycle.

    • Arora Thorne
      Arora Thorne 18 days ago +1

      she did address this: she said enunciate what you don't want, and then it spells out what you do want

    • margaret nahmias
      margaret nahmias 2 months ago

      True

    • Red Leaf
      Red Leaf 4 months ago

      +Sam Vandyke very true. Thank you 🙏

    • Sam Vandyke
      Sam Vandyke 4 months ago +2

      +Red Leaf the first part of the solution is the awareness

    • slimdudeDJC
      slimdudeDJC 5 months ago +1

      When you said "you're working hard to get out of this cycle", it meant you finally decided to do something, breaking the cycle of indecision.

  • michodeb
    michodeb 11 months ago

    Great!

  • Mohammad Zahid
    Mohammad Zahid 11 months ago +1

    Best talk ever. I ordered Dr. Lani's book while I was listening to her talk from Amazon. I can hardly wait for the book to arrive. In the meantime, I listen to her talk daily. So motivating and inspiring talk.

  • eivis13
    eivis13 11 months ago

    strange when a woman is talking about learning when that gender usually holds on to something that happened years ago

  • Jovann Aziz
    Jovann Aziz 11 months ago +1

    Wow! This is was great. Amazing flow of concepts and series of actions. Very good speaker. I will be using this in my Empowerment class that I facilitate.

  • KCM Studios
    KCM Studios 11 months ago +5

    She is SOOOO good! Preach it girl, you got me out of my egoic funk quick!

  • Theresa Robinson
    Theresa Robinson 11 months ago +1

    This talk was more helpful to me than I can say! I should play this on loop as I go to sleep so that it really sinks into my subconscious mind!

  • Emmy Barraco
    Emmy Barraco 11 months ago

    Thank you

  • KrinchiD
    KrinchiD Year ago

    It's hard for me to define what my problem is.

  • Pastel Polestar
    Pastel Polestar Year ago +1

    Often when people come upon the stage and talk, I have this habit of judging them: Are they able to understand those affected by those problems? Have they taken those people into account?
    And this talk, had all the positive answers.
    It seems simple, but it was worth a watch.

  • Alex Hurtado
    Alex Hurtado Year ago

    My bumb was literally literally a bumb of ❄️ good riddens

  • Jesse Hartigan
    Jesse Hartigan Year ago

    Excellent talk - thank you.

  • Dennis R. Levesque
    Dennis R. Levesque Year ago +1

    But, what about fatigue? What if you're just tired of "moving forward" when it keeps turning out to be "unrealistic"? How/where do you find motivation? What if you can't see beyond the thing that you have to settle for? What if "being stuck" is the best you can hope for? How many times do you have to go around the world to realize that it's a globe? That life is just a hamster wheel? What then?

    • anglekan
      anglekan 10 months ago

      Dennis R. Levesque Maybe you need to leave the USA. Many opportunities for people in other nations.

  • Bob
    Bob Year ago

    Wasnt that the single mommy pledge?

  • Constanzz C
    Constanzz C Year ago

    So good

  • Stop building Homes

    GREAT VIDEO!

  • Pamungkas
    Pamungkas Year ago

    thank you

  • codeofsource
    codeofsource Year ago

    nice pep talk

  • gary daniel
    gary daniel Year ago +7

    Somebody should put a laugh track on this to make it seem like a stand up comedy.

  • Michelle W
    Michelle W Year ago +4

    Turn,
    Learn, and
    Committ to always moving forward.

  • Margaret Campbell

    Very good learning and persistence

  • PRAFULLA KUMAR PANDA

    a great talk I've ever heard

  • Monique Amado - Artist & Life Coach

    Excellent talk. She so accurately describes what coaching is about without really mentioning coaching. It's amazing how people's lives change when they focus on what they want, rather than on what they don't want.

  • Mackenzie Papini
    Mackenzie Papini Year ago

    Great speech and I loved the message and I think from this I got my 180 moment. Thank you!

  • Danielle Matthews
    Danielle Matthews Year ago +2

    So gooood

  • Ngan Menegay
    Ngan Menegay Year ago

    Beautiful message and delivery method as well!

  • c dub
    c dub Year ago

    I think i have watched this 10 times already!

  • Heidy Iglesias
    Heidy Iglesias Year ago

    She is so dope!!!!

  • Tanuj Maahal
    Tanuj Maahal Year ago +11

    This persistence thing is the toughest thing a man ever face.

  • Kevin Oduor
    Kevin Oduor Year ago

    shes hot.

  • S. Shah
    S. Shah Year ago +4

    Rachel Green (before nose surgery)+Ellen Degeneres=Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko

    • anglekan
      anglekan 10 months ago

      Yeah but even with her nose, she has a nice figure and confidence.

    • Tyler Durden III
      Tyler Durden III 10 months ago

      S. Shah hahaha thanks for the unneeded laugh haha

  • mona237
    mona237 Year ago +4

    this has been one of the best ones I've seen in a while

  • Mavpk K
    Mavpk K Year ago +3

    Love this lady

  • Diane L Bruno
    Diane L Bruno Year ago +23

    Smart! Wish my mom saw this she thinks her situation is soooo unique. She has a dream life with no gratitude.

    • Red Leaf
      Red Leaf 7 months ago +3

      I totally get you. My mum also has everything but the way being she is, she doesn’t/CANNOT appreciate nor enjoy it because it’s gotta come from inside. NO PERSON PLACE OR THING can give us joy peace & all the good stuff. Gotta come from within.

    • anglekan
      anglekan 10 months ago +3

      Diane L Bruno Then her life is not a dream life. Perhaps to you it is, but not her. Even Jack Ma complains about being rich. It all depends on the person.