How Self Forgiveness Leads to Light, Love and a Joyful Life! | Eileen Timmins | TEDxOakParkWomen

  • Published on Dec 12, 2017
  • Eileen Timmins, Ph.D. is on a mission to shine the light to women on how they can forgive themselves. How? By sharing her own story with women to prioritize forgiveness as a way of life with self-love, health, and joy to live a life full of light fulfillment. Eileen is an author, artist, professor, life coach, labyrinth builder and board member. She is the founder of Aingilin, LLC (which means little angel in Gaelic), and lives and works by Marshall Goldsmith’s credo:“If you aren’t opening doors for people, you are closing them!” She’s been opening doors as a senior global Human Resources executive for seventeen years to drive creative innovation, solve business challenges and lead global talent management for companies in the tech, finance and non-profit space. Eileen serves on the Board of Directors of the Friends of Prentice, at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. She has her Ph.D.,in Business and Organizational Management, and a MS in Organizational Development. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 52

  • Jurchen Chan
    Jurchen Chan 4 days ago

    Some people do not deserve to be forgiven.
    Some things are so universally despised, that to forgive yourself is to betray yourself.
    Sometimes all you can do is repent.

  • Jaxn Abra
    Jaxn Abra 6 days ago +1

    Yada, yada. And they lived happily ever after... I'm sorry folks but that's not the way the cookie crumbles. Of course you are perfectly free to listen to and believe in anyone saying convenient things that sound sweet to your self absorbed ears but honestly there is no such thing as self-forgiveness. In fact it contradicts the very definition of the word "forgiveness". "Forgiveness" as the etymology of the word suggests is something you give forth. Therefore is something that somebody, other than yourself of course, can offer you. In every religion there's forgiveness following a wrongdoing or in Christian terminology a "sin". If you're a religious person you do everything in accordance to your belief to make sure that you receive forgiveness from God in this life and most importantly in the after life. If you're not that religious like myself, you got to grow a pair and do everything in your power to correct the bull$hit you've done upon someone as much as you can. If you are too shy, or too selfish to actually invest energy and time in reversing your wrongdoings then pardon me but you don't deserve "forgiveness". Forgiveness requires humility. You might be ignored or hated by the person/people you hurt but that's the only way you can receive forgiveness and finally redemption from the thought that you've harmed someone. And nobody said it's an easy path on the contrary the path to forgiveness is long and dark as dark as the path of hurt and sorrow experienced by your victim. Forgiving one's self without even trying to soothe the pain you have caused is the most selfish, vile and nonsensical thing I've ever heard of.

  • sweetberries
    sweetberries 10 days ago

    Thanks eileen for sharing your journey

  • Christian Gray
    Christian Gray 14 days ago

    Thank you so much

  • just me
    just me 20 days ago

    A very wise woman once gave me some great advice

  • ty kubana
    ty kubana Month ago

    I forgive myself for not learning to these tests.

  • Sergey Kovalonok
    Sergey Kovalonok Month ago +2

    That's a medicine we all need.

  • Kai Greenwood
    Kai Greenwood 2 months ago

    Thank you so much, you beautiful soul!

  • [M]
    [M] 3 months ago

    May Allah Blessings be upon you thanks for the Advice sister

  • susuilu
    susuilu 3 months ago

    what if you have kids by that "past"

  • playandrepeat
    playandrepeat 3 months ago +1

    She's sweet.

  • Alexander Ranin
    Alexander Ranin 3 months ago +3

    I have so much regret, I’ve harmed the people closest to me and
    It’s killing me..., is there hope for redemption? I wish I could take all that pain away from them but I can’t now, so how can I live with myself

    • Jaxn Abra
      Jaxn Abra 6 days ago

      Well I'm sorry to hear that you're in such difficult position. I will speak from my experience. Don't forgive yourself! Instead do something to make that forgiveness come to you naturally. Either by talking to the ones you've hurt, honestly even a spoken apology can act like a balsam to a wounded heart, or by servicing other hurt people, people who are in need. Remember this my friend, forgiveness requires humbleness. That's why self forgiveness is a crazy delusion. Because when you forgive yourself you automatically engage in a selfish act. Instead of forgiving yourself, prepare yourself to be strong enough to fight to earn that forgiveness. Trust me! It feels 1 million times better than just excusing yourself. Be humble to those you've hurt reverse your wrongdoings if possible. If not possible, prove them and all those around you that you've learned from your shortcomings and you are now a responsible person. When people see the real change in you they will forgive you. Trust me deep down we love to forgive as much as we love to be forgiven. Because at the end of the day each and every one of us are flawed and fallible human beings.

    • Iam Amina
      Iam Amina 27 days ago

      @Teffany Grimmer so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story xx

    • Teffany Grimmer
      Teffany Grimmer 3 months ago +3

      Alexander Ranin Just know they love you and want the best for you. My son hurt so many with his addiction he committed suicide. He was telling me daily how much he is a bad father for not being able to stop. He had terrible nightmares daily before he committed suicide. We all were begging him for rehab for six months but instead of healing himself he chose to not leave his daughter that long. He was suffering so much from stopping cold turkey. Please forgive yourself and know they love you, do the best to gain trust in knowing you love them and sorry. I melted every time my son apologized, we fought like crazy. But when he was sober such an amazing father and son. Life is short, hold no grudges, bitterness, towards them and yourself. I pray you have tremendous peace over your life. And enjoy every moment.

  • Betty Boo's Sister
    Betty Boo's Sister 3 months ago +3

    The BEST way to live is not to care about anyone in that way if someone dies cheats leaves hates or back stabs you can think whatever and move forward...

    • Betty Boo's Sister
      Betty Boo's Sister 2 months ago

      @hvacwork 2018 a person who can stand strong alone with god is a warrior...having people is ok but it's not priority or don't need anyone to feed your soul...again no one is here forever...if you rely on people and that person dies you will have a nervous breakdown just rely on god and you won't go wrong...loving anyone too much is demonic and not of god...if you see children die before parents parents die before children sometimes partner die or leave list is endless so vest thing is help love others but keep your distance emotionally...

    • hvacwork 2018
      hvacwork 2018 2 months ago

      But in the end no matter what he came back 2 friends and family.his relationships were more important than him being alone

    • Betty Boo's Sister
      Betty Boo's Sister 2 months ago

      @hvacwork 2018 again I reject all you say because God doesn't work like that....he sometimes keeps people alone to work on them and their weaknesses like he did Elijah Moses John...he wants us to be strong and rely totally on him...because he is the ONLY need to learn alot about god and the bible...yes you can fellowship which is what Jesus did too but he did alot alone pray fast and connect with god...we must put our faith in god no one else to help us as no one is immortal...

    • hvacwork 2018
      hvacwork 2018 3 months ago

      It's good you have a close relationship with God. Even Jesus Christ had his mother and Friends he didn't do anything alone. I know it's just my story, but be careful lonely can turn into something else.

    • Betty Boo's Sister
      Betty Boo's Sister 3 months ago

      @hvacwork 2018 That's your story it works for me and I reject all you say because when you have Jesus you have everything....I'd rather be alone then be around pretencious people

  • Alexis Panda
    Alexis Panda 3 months ago +6

    I was always under the impression that forgiveness must be given to you, someone can forgive me but I have no right to forgive myself. I hold on to my past with anger and sadness and can't let go. Simply forgiving with words isn't enough. I wish letting go could be so easy. Maybe it is, maybe it works for some but for people that have been abused physically and emotionally it's not a walk in the park. Maybe some day I can forgive myself and others. Thanks for this speech, even if marginally it has helped. :)

  • Inner Vigilance
    Inner Vigilance 3 months ago +1

    This experience is possible without hearing voices. I believe that this was Eileen speaking to herself in the voice of her mother because she felt the need to be forgiven by her mother.

  • dreams of turtles
    dreams of turtles 3 months ago +3

    I hate to bring up politics but feel i have to. Self forgiveness seems not to be what the political left wants . I see people all the time receiving and internalizing messages of guilt, shame , and self rejection . If you are white, if you are male, if you are need to walk around feeling ashamed of yourself, your privilege and your country.
    Nothing you have done is good. Everything you have done is bad and hurtful. You even need to carry burdens of history you had nothing to do with and call them yours.
    I left the Democratic party because i got tired of these messages, they became like a cancer in my life. Sorry for bringing up politics but, for me, it applies to this talk.

  • Ef Ts
    Ef Ts 4 months ago

    I forgive myself for wasting my time on this boring speaker

    • Ef Ts
      Ef Ts 3 months ago

      Oh, really? Give us your credentials, then!

    • Betty Boo's Sister
      Betty Boo's Sister 3 months ago

      @Ef Ts I am very highly educated thank you but I had to lower my standards to explain to YOU are the bully...shame on you is this what your mother taught you how to abuse women to disrespect them...Wow she taught you well

    • Ef Ts
      Ef Ts 3 months ago +1

      @Betty Boo's Sister It is very easy to see who is bullying others... Just re-read your answer. Especially your language (vocabulary). Language, you know, is a good proxy for education level. Judging from this, you are the right audience for this talk.

    • Betty Boo's Sister
      Betty Boo's Sister 3 months ago

      @Ef Ts Just because you find it boring doesn't mean it is so shut your are judgemental rude opinionated and narrow are the type of person to bully's not how she speaks but message given so be patient

  • Lauren Todd
    Lauren Todd 4 months ago +16

    I will not cry over mistakes made anymore.

  • Lauren Todd
    Lauren Todd 4 months ago +4

    I forgive myself. For mistakes made as a parent, as a wife and financial mistakes.

  • 肉扣
    肉扣 4 months ago +1

    Forgive myself.🙏🏻❤

  • Kyunghee Heil
    Kyunghee Heil 6 months ago +4

    If you want to receive true forgiveness of sins, it's only through the blood of Christ. Because only when the right price is paid in full, you will be totally free. Go to 2018 CLF New York, listen to Padtor Ook Soo Park's gospel sermon.

  • Sharon H
    Sharon H 7 months ago +1

    That was good

  • Sumathy Balaji
    Sumathy Balaji 7 months ago +2

    Wonderful talk

  • jemstone0006
    jemstone0006 8 months ago +2

    loved this!

  • Spiritual Ĉaviar Ɲ Ɔhampange

    Life changing. This freed something in my I care not to attempt to put into words. Thank you beautiful soul eillen. Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for helping me. Love and light xx

  • Dylan Youngerman
    Dylan Youngerman 9 months ago +11

    i woke up after this

  • Alejandra Bustamante
    Alejandra Bustamante 10 months ago +4

    Why do a Ted Talk has to be the sad story of someone and not the content of learning we all looking for?

    • Alpha
      Alpha 9 months ago +16

      Alejandra Bustamante I think many of us learned from listening to her. I am very grateful that she shared her story.

    • Anita A
      Anita A 10 months ago +21

      Alejandra Bustamante because when others share their story , it helps us see them as more real... we can relate easier. And there is something to be learned here, too. It’s a good ted talk ...

  • michael castro
    michael castro 11 months ago +42

    I adore this woman. She helped me find peace today.

  • Mj Geronimo
    Mj Geronimo Year ago +10

    Thank you for this talk. It brought tears in my eyes. I hope I could forgive myself

  • ivone torrijos
    ivone torrijos Year ago +1


  • Just Greg
    Just Greg Year ago +57

    Thank you for this offering. It is super challenging to release the hurts and harm you have done when you believe you are supposed to punish yourself to show you care. It is a sick and counter productive thought. It is something I am working through right now. Im trying to figure out where that thought process and behavior began. It's almost like I want someone to pity me and feel sorry for me. I am not my mistakes. I am not my past.

    • Inner Vigilance
      Inner Vigilance 3 months ago

      What you say rings true for me. We can not afford to feel sorry for ourselves. We realise our mistakes and we move forward into a better future.

    • Clara Sarmiento
      Clara Sarmiento 6 months ago

      I see what you mean Greg. I think some of us tend to do this with ourselves from a young age, and we naturalice the fact that everything is always our fault or our responsibility, it has to do also sometimes with the people thas surround us, who don't feel responsable and prefer not to take charge. Then we grow up and as life and mistakes happen, as they will to everyone else we tend to take all that baggage with us. It's a lot for just one human being to endure.

  • Carla Pasillas
    Carla Pasillas Year ago +1

    I love this... ❤️