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Educate yourself on this! | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

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  • Published on Dec 4, 2017


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Comments • 5 373

  • Anne Kenna
    Anne Kenna 2 years ago +1641

    I often cry when I think about how I let myself be emotionally abused by a person, I feel both sad and angry for letting myself be fooled by this person for several years. I think of the little girl within me and how all she wanted was to be loved, and I let her down by accepting this, I would never let anyone else’s little girl be treated this way, yet I let my own little girl go through it, l will never let her down again.

    • Darlene Mcnamara
      Darlene Mcnamara 5 minutes ago

      @Amy Ladd yes I have been in a marriage fr 20 years and it hurts to realize not only did he take my soul and crush it ,I let it happen by trying for the last 5 yrs. To make it work but I realize now nothing has change and not going to so it up to me and I am praying I can be strong to get to do the right thing.

    • Darlene Mcnamara
      Darlene Mcnamara 9 minutes ago

      I feel for you, I just turned 60 butt like you said you feel the little girl and just wanted to be loved. It is so hard to understand how you can love someone so much and value them but you finely realize there treating you bad and you cry everyday trying to figure out why I've tried for 5 years to make it work but as of today It is gone nowhere and I'm sitting here trying to think on how I can get a restraining order and move on were it would be healthier for my soul but in today's world it is not easy he wouldn't let me go to work or giving me any money and my courts are far away and I don't have any friends because they all passed away so I know I'm on my own but that's ok I am alone everyday my husband and I have are own bedroom and I stay in my room when he is home I have dinner ready before he gets home and no one deserve to live this way I know I'm not the only one that is going through this I am just trying to get my brain strength to do the right thing before I do the wrong thing and my mind goes to wonder why am I alive and boy there sure come alot of cons when someone crushes your soul it feels like the spirit you use to have is gone and I realize I'm the only one that can change me no matter if I half to live homeless cause I don't trust calling the cops I did 4 times and I was on my security cameras 1 time and every time they did not listen to me and would not take the time to look at the DVR and said they don't have time and we need to go to the courts to get it resolved so they took his side Evey time they came cause he is older then me I guess even when I was all marked up they gave me no support and the last time I told them they leave me as a sitting duck and I can't call you till he beating me up , it's like Ok when he is beating me I half to tell him wait I got to make a call then say ok continue eating me till they walk in the door so it has been a hard 5 years I put on myself and if I can get out and change this believe me I would love to help younger people not to get this far and let one person take your soul and keep on stepping on it like your trash.

    • Janet Jaworski
      Janet Jaworski 8 days ago

      @Принцип Разумности it's perfectly okay to cry 😢 crying brings healing to our soul. We are human and even Jesus wept. That is why we have tear ducts. Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad that you cried over something or that you are crying. Honor your feelings.

    • Lisa Pierra
      Lisa Pierra 10 days ago

      @Baby Tube I stayed with an abuser because of our child. When she grew up she told me to leave him and wished I had when she was younger. Go to a woman's shelter if you have to. Don't subject your child to this learned abusive behaviour.

    • Angel Robinson
      Angel Robinson 14 days ago +2

      Thanks, gonna go cry now 😔😢

  • Heather Walls
    Heather Walls Year ago +485

    I like that she made the point that emotional abuse doesn't haven't to be yelling or screaming. It can be a small sting, or they can say things like, "You're too emotional. You're too sensitive." Classic lines they use ALL the time.

    • Linda Evans
      Linda Evans 23 days ago

      Amen to what you said!!

    • Janet Jaworski
      Janet Jaworski Month ago +3

      Anyone who has been told ever..."Oh, you're too sensitive." I am here to tell you, you are not. Being sensitive is a God-given gift. The people who told you that didn't know how to help you protect and honor this beautiful gift.
      Put that comment back in their yard, dust off your feet, honoring yourself and keep moving forward toward the life you are destin to live!!

    • Hello Hello
      Hello Hello Month ago +1

      ​@David Razack Thank you David for taking the time and for sharing your take on the subject with me!
      I can't remember the last time I felt loved.
      Even the few times I thought I did, it turned out to be a lie. They took advantage of me. I was used and still being used and that's because I have no one I can ask for help. Depression and severe social anxiety have taken over my life. I feel dead. I just exist for my cats. I've been like this since I can remember. I felt empty my whole life.
      I just wanna be loved but no matter what I do, it's never enough...
      Have you listened to Adele new song "To be loved"?
      I broke down crying when I first heard it. It describes a lot of what I'm feeling...

    • Christine Maria
      Christine Maria Month ago +1

      "Youre needy"

    • David Razack
      David Razack Month ago

      @Hello Hello thanks for the response, it is because of how much you are needed way above of being loved,the other amphibious party simply rejecting your love, their own self love - can't, mustn't, won't,shouldn't love any other creature of course,as their prior perpetrators affords them problems with authority and crowns it all off with not even being able to see themselves coupled with a pent up stubbornness rooted in the abuse they live in for decades, generations past their episodes.Even WITH God, it near impossible, how much more the faithed. Their's is a can't see,don't 'want' to see scenario with a schizophrenic tendency down here,but hats off to the other Ubers, for nothing really I guess for sticking it out and sticking-to-it-iveness,just because all the reasons to are all out,will check out the video that says agreeably and arguably 'why you can't leave'..Semper Fidelis..David

  • Zoë
    Zoë 11 months ago +316

    You’re helping me with my life. I’m only 21, and I can’t afford therapy rn, but Stephanie Lynn please continue making these videos!

    • pam blankenship
      pam blankenship 2 months ago +1

      @0fficial Selena__ yes I agree. Videos like this have helped me work on myself so much more than therapy!

    • 0fficial Selena__
      0fficial Selena__ 2 months ago +3

      @Kerry Therapy has never worked for me or others so it’s not for everyone but you tubers like this and finding my own ways to reconnect with myself helps a lot!

    • M A
      M A 2 months ago +3

      therapy should be free will save lives!🥺

    • Sasy Odonovan
      Sasy Odonovan 2 months ago +1

      @hidaddy I thankyou 💓 so much regards respect 🙏 ❤ 💖 all the way xxxx

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 2 months ago +2

      @sharon emsley this really helps to see, i hope ur ok tho

  • It's a Plant Life
    It's a Plant Life 8 months ago +224

    I've always said I'd rather someone hit me, because it's unmistakable. Emotional abuse is so insidious and harder to spot, being so used to it.

    • 🕯️Chakra Hun ❣️
      🕯️Chakra Hun ❣️ Month ago +3

      I'd rather have zero abuse! Period!

    • skeetabomb
      skeetabomb Month ago

      Soon all western governments will add physical abuse to the ongoing emotional abuse. They've been emotionally abusing the masses through the lying lame stream media for the last two years. They are starting to use the Police to commit the physical abuse...but now we know the truth about them all...as you say, there is no mistaking what our governments think of the people...

    • Nirla Mejia
      Nirla Mejia 2 months ago +1

      @Abby Normal yes!!! you nailed it abby ✔️

    • Abby Normal
      Abby Normal 2 months ago +1

      Well said! It's very similar to living with an invisible illness - outwardly you may look just fine, but internally your body is waging war against you.

    • Mollyann Mullin
      Mollyann Mullin 2 months ago +1

      YES!!!

  • Dee 07
    Dee 07 Year ago +330

    We should be educated on this when we are in school growing up definitely.

    • mylittlekittens
      mylittlekittens 19 days ago

      Some of my teachers back in highschool were emotionally abusive, therefore, reinforcing submissive behavior.

    • VMK
      VMK Month ago +1

      @Annie Butler Not all schools offer psychology.

    • anupama ramesh
      anupama ramesh Month ago +1

      Aahhhh... the education system of every country...🤐

    • Barbara Marshall
      Barbara Marshall Month ago +1

      Its not in Australia, it's only just touched on in university. I wish someone told me well before now.

    • Annie Butler
      Annie Butler 2 months ago +2

      It’s part of your psychology class in high school.

  • SK Bains
    SK Bains 11 months ago +86

    The best revenge is learning how to be the best and healthiest version of yourself, and enforcing boundaries like going "no contact" (so necessary for your growth)

    • Lynda La Rose
      Lynda La Rose Month ago +2

      I dated / had a friends with benefits (although wanted a more in the relationship) with a man I knew for many years. I finally got the courage to cut him off and tell him no contact. A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders! Best thing I could ever done for myself! Don't miss him!

  • Lilly J
    Lilly J Month ago +21

    Yes the ignoring IS PURPOSELY DONE! Please please… When you FEEL something is wrong but you can’t “prove” it, keep listening to videos like this & pray! It will get better.

  • Trainer Emma
    Trainer Emma Year ago +196

    I think the hardest part is knowing that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, yet still having such a hard time detaching myself from my feelings for that person. I finally blocked my abuser and have hope that one day it will hurt less. I am now working on being able to find validation within myself, and not rely on others for my happiness by taking it day by day. Thank you for your insight. I can’t tell you how much relief I have gotten just from this video.

    • H S
      H S 2 months ago +2

      It is called a trauma bond.

    • Tracey Lennon
      Tracey Lennon 3 months ago +3

      Emma I don't rely on validation from others either girl!

    • Ena Blanca
      Ena Blanca 5 months ago +3

      I'm here. I can't . I still cry. I've broken up. He came visited me again and then blocked me after then posted gory images and now just ignoring me and just I want this over

    • Trainer Emma
      Trainer Emma 6 months ago +13

      @Charlotte Hessley he’s reached out 3 times in the past year (apologizing, wanting to be friends, etc. but clearly it’s for his ego) and each time I’ve been able to respectfully tell him to not contact me anymore. I feel nothing towards him. Blocking him was the best thing I could have done for myself. It helped me recognize what a horrible person he was, and how I would never want someone like that in my life.

    • Charlotte Hessley
      Charlotte Hessley 6 months ago +3

      How are you doing?

  • da835t
    da835t 11 months ago +75

    As a man, I handled gaslighting/emotional abuse pretty well. However, it does a number on you when you realize you are dealing with a very broken person. Just being in that presence is draining.

    • jjberg83
      jjberg83 6 days ago

      It's hard to recognize it as a man. There really aren't any resources for you and if you bring it up, people think you're overreacting or pin you as the abuser. It consumes you.

    • David Razack
      David Razack Month ago +1

      Da835t,sounding very emotionally stable, and some aren't broken but seem devoid of repair, prone codependency, thanks for sharing,feeling in order to fully understand them,you empty yourself out, disemboweling, destabilizing, emotionally detaching just to give yourself and the marriage some chance, piecing back together ones ownself day by day,before waves of hurt and insults allow you to,always found so wanting, always so full of more and more nothingness.kindest regards otherwise dear Sir..David

    • Glynis Payne
      Glynis Payne 2 months ago +2

      I don't agree with you my son was never emotionally abused
      And he emotionally abuses me....
      He is 35 years old
      He was given all the love and attention he is codependent.....
      In my opinion
      It is a mental issue
      Thank you

    • {{{{Ké SiNGS}}}}
      {{{{Ké SiNGS}}}} 3 months ago +1

      💯

  • Jeanine Amapola
    Jeanine Amapola 2 years ago +268

    Wow this is so beyond helpful... thank you.

  • Too MuchSugar
    Too MuchSugar Year ago +57

    The part where you mention the importance of validation made a ton of sense. If a child doesn't feel validated by their parents growing up, they'll seek it when they're older and that's where people can start to fall short on really forming their own boundaries, being sure of their choices and loving themselves.

  • Diana IsMyName
    Diana IsMyName 5 months ago +126

    I just want to tell anyone out there suffering due to the selfish and calloused actions of someone they trusted or even loved. That I hope you are strong enough to realize that when life has allowed you to experience extreme sorrow, pain, or darkness. That it ultimately is a gift. You have survived 100% of your worst days up until now. You keep going. Stay strong. I know it sounds paradoxical but isn’t life just one great mysterious irony anyway?

  • Aida Rivera
    Aida Rivera Year ago +46

    I had to watch this to refresh myself on what I was dealing with 3 years ago. Thank you, reminding me how far I’ve come!!

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      Aida Rivera,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news 🤙

  • Gold Girl
    Gold Girl 2 months ago +55

    I would argue that you can be incredibly confident and know who you are and still be gas lit especially by master manipulators.

    • Alicia Marie
      Alicia Marie 7 days ago +1

      Yep, I used to be very confident but slowly got broken down

    • Barbara Ann Henderson
      Barbara Ann Henderson Month ago +2

      It can happen to the best of us.

    • sarah Haines
      sarah Haines Month ago +2

      But now you know, knowing and having that knowledge gives you back the power that rendered you powerless in the first place.

    • Ronke Alao
      Ronke Alao 2 months ago +7

      I agree! I was very confident and had a good self esteem but I wasn't good with maintaining boundaries

  • Jen's Basement
    Jen's Basement 2 years ago +2722

    They don't love you, they love how much they can manipulate you.

    • Wendy S. King
      Wendy S. King Month ago +1

      manipulate you and use you until they are ready to go elsewhere! They want someone in bed, but that’s all. They don’t care about you!

    • Kristin Mayfield
      Kristin Mayfield 2 months ago +1

      @Anna TevesBanzon We've all seen abusers everywhere! I wish I would have been taught about it in detail so much sooner in life. I've learned so much now. It's refreshing to have the next potential abuser tucking tail to get away from me now! Most of them are incredibly cowardly.

    • Anna TevesBanzon
      Anna TevesBanzon 2 months ago

      Unfortunately I have parent like this and bosses plural.

    • Anna TevesBanzon
      Anna TevesBanzon 2 months ago

      Agreed

    • kami crum
      kami crum 2 months ago

      To true!

  • LaPinturaBella
    LaPinturaBella 4 months ago +72

    Having a narcissistic parent, I was raised to accept emotional abuse as "normal." I was told by a boyfriend (at 37 y.o.) I didn't have any boundaries and he felt like he could do anything he wanted at all times. That was an eye opener because I had no idea a) what boundaries were and b) that I was allowed to have them. I remember thinking that he may as well have been speaking to me in Greek. We broke up, I literally felt like I had shattered inside and got into therapy. Glad he's no longer in my life and really glad he made that comment because it led me to finally "meeting" myself.

    • M Dee
      M Dee 11 days ago +2

      @LaPinturaBella - Well stated 👏👏👏

    • LaPinturaBella
      LaPinturaBella Month ago +2

      @Siobhan McGregor Thank you Siobhan. BTW I've always liked that name. 😃

    • Siobhan McGregor
      Siobhan McGregor Month ago +2

      Your comment resonated strongly with me. Well done 😊

    • LaPinturaBella
      LaPinturaBella Month ago +3

      @b booher Thank you so much. It was really hard, but I am finally who I was created to be, not who the narc parent was trying to make me be.

    • b booher
      b booher Month ago +2

      @LaPinturaBella Tell it,girl! I'm really, really proud of you!

  • melody pogue
    melody pogue Year ago +130

    I experienced for 22 years. My husband was a pastor. Somehow, I thought I was deserving or responsible. Still recovering 17 years after divorce.

    • Wesley Tyler
      Wesley Tyler 17 days ago +1

      REAL EYES REALIZE REAL LIES 👀 PAY ATTENTION

    • Faith Steph
      Faith Steph Month ago +1

      I am experiencing it for 5 years now and im about to end it

    • Erwin Brubacker
      Erwin Brubacker Month ago

      What denomination, if I may ask ?

    • Erwin Brubacker
      Erwin Brubacker Month ago +1

      @Gem Journey maybe he wasnt God called ? Too many ministers want the money.

    • Gem Journey
      Gem Journey 2 months ago +1

      He is a PASTor!
      Amen and Hallelujah!

  • Ronald Cipolla
    Ronald Cipolla 5 months ago +9

    I was emotionally abused. I was gaslighted ,invalidated, silent treatment, ignored in the relationship. I didn’t see boundaries. I now know the importance of setting boundaries. I was a codependent and working hard to recognize my self worth.

  • denise hurley
    denise hurley Year ago +24

    You're a wonderful communicator! thank you for dispelling fear and enabling hope!

  • Becky Queen
    Becky Queen 3 years ago +1286

    ✓abusive people are reactive. The point of abuse is to control.
    ✓emotional abuse is difficult to spot as all the scars are in our mind.
    ✓an emotional abuser constantly tests your boundaries. They don't like the word 'no'.
    ✓emotional abusers seek out weak people who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem.
    ✓emotional abusers are passive aggressive. They say little digs. That is emotional abuse.
    ✓they always disregard your feelings, opinions.

    • Robin Newsome
      Robin Newsome 12 days ago

      @Cindy Estes I’m so sorry 😢

    • No More
      No More 14 days ago

      And trust your words and REFUSE to let you give clarity to what you're actually saying...they are SUPER defensive

    • 🕯️Chakra Hun ❣️
      🕯️Chakra Hun ❣️ 16 days ago

      They don't always seek weak people or those with low self-esteem. I know my husband felt extremely inferior to me. I'm strong, resilient, intelligent. I was a HUGE ego boost for him. I'm everything he aspired to be and that's why he resented me, my character and my achievements and worked damn hard to break me down. He failed miserably because I walked out dignified still knowing that I am THE best he will ever have. He's still groveling and begging me to come back but I'm DONE pouring into a leaking bucket and trying to feeding a black hole.

    • Jax W
      Jax W 2 months ago +2

      Narcissists, 'seek out "weak" ', people? I feel that any person, who can live and have lived through any kind of trauma or dysfunction, in their lives, are incredibly strong. They are, in my experience, caring and compassionate people, who have, for whatever reason, learnt to put themselves last, and this is what a narcissistic person feeds into/seeks out. This, unfortunately, is my own experience as a child and an adult.y

    • Danielle Passion
      Danielle Passion 2 months ago

      You hit that nail on the head! Thank you for speaking the truth and defining what is truly is to be emotionally abused. ☺️

  • SK Bains
    SK Bains Year ago +202

    When somebody’s love hurts 😔 and you feel drained and on edge, it’s likely emotional abuse.

    Abusive personalities are created in childhood, as learned behaviour that they have come to think is the norm. Their emotions were not validated in childhood. They seek out people who are co-dependent or have weak boundaries. The relationship is like a one way street to them, where they are running the show. Threatening and nasty behaviour = nit picking bullying behaviour results when they don’t get what they want.
    Knowing your boundaries, setting boundaries and enforcing them is the way to fend off an emotionally abusive person. When you are self loving ❤️you will stand in how you feel and trust yourself.

    • Mollyann Mullin
      Mollyann Mullin 2 months ago +1

      Omg same 🥺

    • Boo *
      Boo * 2 months ago

      Brian Laundrie

    • Donna Davis
      Donna Davis 3 months ago +3

      You have just described my husband. It hurts to know that I’ve been living this way for do long.

    • Mary Blessed
      Mary Blessed 4 months ago +3

      Very well said🙌🙌🙌

    • Donna Walker
      Donna Walker 6 months ago

      Who knows, maybe your partner is sincere and will change. After all, nobody’s perfect, right?They even promised to marry you. So is it worth it?
      Marriage after infidelity is a tricky proposition. But if you love the person, forgive and forget, move on and live happily ever after. Just like in the movies. Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart, especially, if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to divorce.
      So is it worth forgiving someone who cheated on you? Of course. Do it, living with hate is not a good way to live.
      Is it worth forgetting about it? No. Your experiences in life make you stronger (and hopefully smarter). It's time to examine your feelings about yourself and your marriage. It is understandable that you are hurt by what your husband did. However, he has apologized for it and stopped his relationship with her for you. Now, it is up to you to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It gives strength to move on.
      At this point you might have tried marriage counseling and probably hire a good lawyer, to best find the truth for proof in court I suggest you google search" hubtechhack ethical” to help you get proof from your partners device remotely for evidence. Sometimes it's worth saving a relationship and sometimes it isn't. Only you know the answer to the question of whether you should get a divorce or you're better off staying married.

  • Christina Parker
    Christina Parker 5 months ago +29

    Very powerful. Sadly I'm in a very emotional abusive marriage. Trying hard to get out and do so safely. Thank you for putting it out there .

    • M Dee
      M Dee Day ago

      @Sowmya Donavalli - He's showing you who he is. Believe him. He doesn't love you & you need to accept that & realize that you are worth more. Move on. I'm sorry that you "love him" - but that's not enough. You need to be with someone who loves YOU... but that will only happen when you learn how to love yourself first. Good luck!!!

    • Victoria Brooke
      Victoria Brooke 4 days ago

      @Sowmya Donavalli leave him. You can do so much better. Follow Ana bey on youtube and level up to a man who sees your worth. You can become a women a high caliber and very successful.

    • Sowmya Donavalli
      Sowmya Donavalli 4 days ago

      I’m in the same situation and I’m pregnant. I can’t decide what to do cuz I love him 😞. He always says that I’m his bad luck and he’s gonna be happy without me.

    • M Dee
      M Dee 11 days ago

      Same here Christina - mine is a Covert, Malignant Narc. I think he could at times, be dangerous. However, I will leave when I can afford it.

    • Victoria Brooke
      Victoria Brooke 2 months ago +4

      Your a strong beautiful woman. You deserve better.

  • TripHop B.C.
    TripHop B.C. Year ago +140

    "Many of them can't handle their own emotions, so they react." - Spot on (imho).

  • Danielle Arismendez
    Danielle Arismendez 8 months ago +21

    Thank you for posting this. I’m in an emotionally abusive relation ship with a narcissist. You just confirmed what I have been thinking about my relationship for awhile now. He has made me feel like I’m over emotional and has been gaslighting me for years and making me feel like I’m crazy and I believed it. I also think my mother was as well. That one I didn’t realize until this video too. Thank you.

    • Jessica
      Jessica Month ago

      Read Cali Connleys book on how she got out and rebuilt her entire life.

  • Rebecca Lewis
    Rebecca Lewis Year ago +13

    My older sister has emotionally abused me my whole life. One of the last times I saw her, she was physically abusive, and she denied later that she’d ever touched me. It was like an alternate reality she chose to believe.

    • S G
      S G 2 months ago +2

      One of the older siblings in my family is an abuser and would be bully, if she could get away with it. The older siblings like to try to reinforce their perceived hierarchy, just in different ways in adulthood. My solution has been to maintain large, geographic distance from them.

  • Brenda Fang
    Brenda Fang Year ago +43

    Just broke up with my ex. Every time he was mad he took it out on me and said things he didn't mean. This destroyed the relationship because even if he took back what he said, it's already caused a dent in the relationship.

    • b booher
      b booher Month ago +1

      @Rachel Cookson right!

    • Rachel Cookson
      Rachel Cookson 2 months ago +2

      My ex did the same to me, he was a master at deflecting anything back onto me.

    • Verenice Chavez
      Verenice Chavez 2 months ago +2

      I hate when people want to fix everything with apologies.. the harm is done.

  • Verna Harris
    Verna Harris 6 months ago +15

    Stephanie,
    I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and trying to help others.
    That's what it's all about. People helping people.❤❤❤

  • Lisa DiChiara
    Lisa DiChiara 3 months ago +26

    I’ve been with two narcissist who literally had amazing parents. But we also have to deal with growing up, high school, peers, college, bad marriages etc ….As a psychology major I always thought it was the first 5-years that were so important. And it is, But I now feel it’s life, genetics and other things that take place. And yes, a small thing like not feeling validated is so big! TY FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM. YOU ARE AMAZING♥️

    • kodi Zick
      kodi Zick Month ago +1

      Yup. Have a female relative who was given the world growing up. I've never met such a dangerous liar.

  • Naked Rabbit Homestead ™️

    Thank you so much for this video! I never knew how to define “gaslighting” before but the word has stuck in my mind for about a year now for some reason. You explained it so well- and now I have some knowledge to have some power against it. Empowering people is so important. I can see both sides of the coin from this video- things I’ve experienced and also things I need to work on too- so it’s very valuable info to me! I appreciate you!

  • Taylor Lee
    Taylor Lee Year ago +7

    I watch your videos all the time and I have truly learned to validate my feelings and my significant other’s feelings. It’s crazy how much I feel live grown mentally just from watching these self help videos.

  • Terry Norlo
    Terry Norlo Year ago +6

    I've been a truck driver for the past 31 years. I see all of these traits at its worst every single day. In the past it was hard for me to recognize most of them, since I've been watching your videos it has helped me so much not only out in the world but in my home as well. And with this covid-19 thing, I am working harder than I have ever worked in my career so being able to recognize these traits has helped me more . I love that you are reaching out to help people and showing them how to protect themselves in these areas. Keep up the good work. Thank you!

  • Yasmin F
    Yasmin F 2 months ago +13

    Thank you for this! Especially the point about just ignoring you when you talk to them! Would place food down for him and he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. I’d ask him a QUESTION…no response. It was always so unsettling to me but I didn’t realize how emotionally abusive this was.

    • Yasmin F
      Yasmin F 11 days ago

      @M Dee Oh my goodness, all those “selective” elements you listed. Just too familiar. I’m so sorry you had to experience that but happy that you’ve overcome! I’ll checkout those names you listed, thank you 💜

    • M Dee
      M Dee 11 days ago

      Same here Yasmin. It's dehumanizing & degrading. However - once I started learning about all of their (Narcs) dirty little tricks & that they do them ON PURPOSE 🤯, the light bulb turned on & my rose colored glasses came off. I dove into so many videos from Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani on RU-clip & I learned so much. It was easy to completely emotionally detach from him at that point. The fact that someone would be so damaged inside that they would intentionally be so awful/cruel to someone they had professed to love is unforgivable in my book. I don't want to be with someone like that. I was so naive that I didn't even understand that his: Silent Treatments; his Selective Amnesia; his Projections & Gaslighting, his Selective Hearing & Lies by Omission were all just his "games" & ways to manipulate me & to keep me confused & off balance. Stephanie Lynn's advice is really good & she feels like having a really good, smart ally in your corner.

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 20 days ago +3

      So immature and controlling

    • Jamy
      Jamy Month ago +3

      My dad would ignore me when I asked basic questions like can I go to a friends ..can I get something to eat …Its his issue he felt miserable inside and want to make me feel miserable too ..my sons father always did it I just pretended like I didn’t notice and just spoke anyway ..to me it’s just immature ..

  • BeaCG
    BeaCG 3 years ago +775

    Before him, I was a happy person, I cared about others, I had great sleep patterns. During "him" I started having panic and anxiety attacks, I would stress myself and usually overeat, I became obsessive and insecure, then I would hate myself for my look, I started blaming myself for any single thing that went wrong. After him, I have severe depression, I cry every day, I woke up several times during the night, Im constantly scared of pretty much everything, I hate my body, I hate my weakness and most of all, I hate the person I became. I just wanna move on with my life and be back to the happy person I used to be.

    • Harriet Nakalembe
      Harriet Nakalembe 21 day ago

      Sending love

    • mmommo1 1111
      mmommo1 1111 Month ago +1

      @MsSocial mine too

    • Georgie
      Georgie Month ago +1

      You sound exactly like me 5 years ago. Exactly the same! And let me tell you, going through something like that made me stronger! I am now with an absolute amazing man, and I have the ability to compare what is bad/good based on my past. So it’s a great tool that can guide you. I wish you all the best and hope you’ve discovered this to be empowering ❤️

    • God is angry, egomaniac, soul snatcher tyrant!
      God is angry, egomaniac, soul snatcher tyrant! 2 months ago +1

      I relate to this on whole another level.

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 2 months ago

      this, omg i feel exactly like this, it will be okay

  • BaldmanBalmain
    BaldmanBalmain 2 months ago +6

    I didn’t even know I was being emotionally abused for 13 yrs 😔 I was so unaware it’s frightening!!! It’s not a loss it’s lesson! Just keep moving forward!

    • Jennifer Hampton
      Jennifer Hampton 2 months ago

      Me too. 13 years next April. WTF! I WILL get past this. Learning to say " you don't have permission to do xyz behavior with me." I must be prepared to move out on move on.

  • Mama Nina
    Mama Nina Month ago +5

    It took me almost 10 years to realize what I was going thru was emotional abuse. I always knew something was off. The sad part is that I was a happy confident person when it started, I just never knew I needed boundaries. One day it started to click after years of therapy and 3 medications later. I am finally free. I still have to see this person as we have a family together but I see good consistent changes in them no matter how slow it is. I am on a healing journey for my children and myself and I feel much stronger!

  • Miriam B.
    Miriam B. Month ago +3

    Thank you for refreshing my mind. I find emotional abuse hard to define but your video sums it up well!

  • J
    J 3 months ago +9

    Thank you so much for everything you have explained. You basically described my very situation at this moment exactly.
    My mother is the abuser, and I never knew this was emotional abuse until recently when I quit my job, moved to another country, and had some extra time to read about it.

    Living away from the abuser meant that it was gonna be less costly and stressful if I said no to her, and man it all escalated 9000 levels. From suicide threats to threats to disown me (I am 30+ years old, really??), to constant calling while I'm driving such that I couldn't even use Google to navigate home. Invalidating me; distorting what I say to fit her needs to win the argument; disregarding anything that she cannot refute like I never raised the point at all; she's making a full blown attack.
    Sometimes I pity her because she is my mother, and I think she was probably abused like this when she was a child. But I simply can't find any way to communicate effectively. Even though I understand the problem, I don't have a way out.

    edit: at exactly the time i posted this comment I am getting more abusive texts

    • Jessica
      Jessica Month ago

      Keep looking forward

    • Raul Armas
      Raul Armas Month ago

      I was disowned in my 30's as well. No matter how mature you perceive yourself to be it still hurts like a million paper cuts.

  • Penny
    Penny 3 years ago +540

    You are spot on. I was abused for 25 years by a narcissistic person. I always was looking the other way because I knew how bad his childhood was. Then I just snapped one day & divorced him. He was stunned like it came out of the blue. In truth it was 25 years in the making. I'm remarried now & have never been happier, never knew life can be so amazing

    • M Dee
      M Dee 11 days ago

      @Gloria Riggs - so glad you got out! Dr. Les Carter has a great book titled 'Why Pleasing You is Killing Me' - your comment reminded of that. He has a great channel on RU-clip called "Surviving Narcassism" - if you, or if you know of any woman (or man) that could benefit from that. I think that he & Dr. Ramani, also on RU-clip are 2 of the best & have decades of clinical experience with the many types of Narcassists.

    • Cata A
      Cata A Month ago

      This gives me hope. Thank you!!

    • Akesha Chapa
      Akesha Chapa 2 years ago +2

      Penny,
      I absolutely Admire you.
      Before my marriage and my Kiddos. I met my husband of 18 yrs and Loved so hard and still do. I was a tech out our local mental health hospital and had my own home and two of my own cars in the drive way. I Love him so much still to this day after 17 yrs later ... I Still Love Him!! But he and I decided that 14 yrs ago o would quit my dream job (he didn't force me too) of a Tech at a State Hospital. I decided I wanted to raise my kids. Well I am now so torn down and was diagnosed with Chronic Depression and BiPolor when I was 19 also had a full hystorectomy at the age of 30 for Ovarian Cancer. I am not complaining about my health issues their are millions of people in this world that suffer way more then myself. Just trying to explain my background... He was totally one of those husbands that opened the door for you and bought me soup when i was sick and took care of me... Well we have now been married for 17 yrs. With that being said I Iron his clothes.daily and if I didn't have the one he wanted and I iron the.wrong one he gets mad. With my Depression and Lupus it's very hard daily. He now puts me down when I don't feel good and didn't do anything in the house, or laundry. He has now the passed year or two says stuff infront of our kids about how lazy I am and I do nothing!! Also he is gone four months out of the for.work and only comes home on the weekend during those four months I do it all. He works and I dont. Now he thinks I don't want to work. And I Do Want To Get a Job but I have not worked in 14 yrs!! He tells me things like "you don't do nothing, your always in a bad mood etc .... I don't see my friends or family much. I DO LOVE HIM! I just wish he would see that Depression is real. I WANT MY MARRIAGE TO WORK BUT ITS ONLY FALLING APART... When he puts me down I distant myself and I keep building a wall and it's on the verge of crumbing.
      I'm so glad you posted this because it kinda helped me to finally tell someone. He is a great, Awesome father to our children!! I'm lost I just don't know what to do!!
      Much Thanks👍💜

    • Henrietta Lore
      Henrietta Lore 2 years ago +2

      My mom had the same situation for over 35 years, she is just now getting out. I am following in her footsteps in an almost year long abusive relationship because i felt bad for this guy and he is such am evil man :"(

    • Gloria Riggs
      Gloria Riggs 2 years ago +7

      I stayed 18 years to a narcissist because I felt sorry for him for having a bad childhood. But enough is enough. I decided to protect my own sanity after emotional abuse led to physical abuse. He was shocked and said he would kill himself. I said I have been killing myself 18 tolerating and trying to humanize you. I am Very happy now and my 3 children are grown, married and following my lead by not tolerating abusive husbands.

  • Shali Vana
    Shali Vana 6 months ago +7

    This woman is a Godsend.Thank you so much for these informative points.

  • Donauvin Bam
    Donauvin Bam 9 months ago +2

    ... Stephanie, I can’t thank you enough for the few videos I’ve been listening to regarding Narcissism ... I’m getting out of an abusive relationship and the life I’ve had with my partner over the last 22 months, is a classic case of what you’re talking about ... literally, I can relate to every aspect emotionally & physically, of identifying a Narcissist & their behaviour once they suspect you’re onto them.

    I am getting out, since I’m getting nightmares already ... it might be strange saying this, but I’m fearful and anxious about her unpredictable & erratic behaviour

    Again, thanks so much for your passion to help others ... I’m sure there must be more men out there, suffering in silence who so desperately need to hear your voice.

    Kind regards, D

  • misslauracalifornia
    misslauracalifornia 4 months ago +1

    I was looking for answers to a situation where I felt I was being emotional abused by someone and I wasn't allowing it anymore but I needed confirmation and I was right!!!

  • Samuel Santaella
    Samuel Santaella Year ago +11

    This video is definitely appreciated because it seems that you’re right, emotional abuse is a gray area, it’s not as black or white as physical abuse, and I think I might’ve been under emotional abuse before, it’s just more subtle and harder to pinpoint. I’ve had the “this is how I’m repaid for everything I’ve done?” and now that I’m a little more aware, my gut is questioning whether this person is truly concerned about fixing things between us so we can have a healthy relationship. I wish this person understood that I just shut down if I have to mentally prepare myself to ask even the stupidest little things, but maybe instead I’m just letting myself be controlled, because when I bring up how I feel, it’s always me who has to change, even how I think. Basically gaslighting.

    Video feedback: for visual people (like me) it would be super helpful if there was an extremely concise list of all the signs in the description. Like one- or two-word items serving as a summary to the entire video. It will also help me as I look for other videos to watch because, as you mention, you want to make separate videos that go further in depth. It’ll be a helpful guide as I process 20 minutes worth of (wonderful) advice in my head.

    • M Dee
      M Dee 11 days ago

      For everyone on this thread - find & listen to Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & also Dr. Ramani - both on RU-clip. Both have decades of clinical experience dealing with all the types of Narcassists.

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 3 months ago +1

      i get literally punishment for not thinking the right thing in his opinion

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 3 months ago +1

      i have it the same, i dont know how far i can handle it anymore. I thought it would be different but now he just knows how to get me and the only thing that i want is to peacefully leave, no shame guilt and blame i want to be happy again and not to feel like a bad person when i just won’t do what he asks for, when it becomes threatening by time

  • Yuehan Shi
    Yuehan Shi 11 months ago +4

    Thank you so much It’s absolutely great to see this video because our society talks so little about emotional abuse , way much less than it deserves to be talked about and be alert to people, this issue is absolutely downplayed as you never know how many people are emotional abused and are never able to detect not mention about fighting back! Thank you so much for sharing this video I hope more people will see this, I hope people who are able to be aware of these to help the victims! Please!

    • Yuehan Shi
      Yuehan Shi 11 months ago

      This video is so detailed and well structured, it worth watching multiple times and works as a life guideline which can always remind, instruct and illuminate whenever we feel unsure and lost in our relationship

  • Dee 07
    Dee 07 Month ago +1

    I am so glad I am learning boundaries and enforcing them now, thank you Stephanie for this!

  • Karen Burroughs
    Karen Burroughs 11 months ago +8

    I enjoyed this video, have felt for some time something just wasn’t feeling right in my relationship with my significant other. Controlling my anger as I am emotionally abused takes a toll on me. I ask myself what is causing him or me to bring this on. Knowing and realizing their behavior is key. Beginning to take a deeper look at this now that I have clues to help me along. Thank you for opening my eyes!

  • Meryll Largo
    Meryll Largo 9 months ago +6

    I love how eloquent and articulate you are in explaining. Thank you! I guess I grew up with a narcissistic tendency father and co-dependent mother. He rules the household. No one can break it even my mother. I never had a chance to voice out my opinion, feelings because I will be labeled as ungrateful and disrespectful child. All of us his children. I’m 28 y/o now and working as a nurse. A profession he chose and wants for me. I only realized everything now because I met a covert narc guy.

  • Sandy Marado
    Sandy Marado Year ago +4

    I’ve been in a abusive relationship for 14 years. I filed for divorce last month. I never knew my husband was a narcissistic until I started going to counseling two months ago. I love your videos. They are right on. Thanks for making them.

    • sunofpeter2
      sunofpeter2 5 months ago

      I hope it all worked out for you

  • States Unlocked Psychology

    Your videos are amazing and binge watching them is getting me through a really hard time. Thank you Stephanie

  • Raider Love
    Raider Love 3 months ago +3

    Coach Stephanie, thank you for another great video. Especially this one. What you are discussing about emotional abuse is what I went through with my mother. She, herself, was emotionally closed off and didn't know how to emotionally love me and my siblings. Also she never taught us how to deal with our emotions. For me, personally it has effected me here all the way into my adulthood. Recently I have lost friendships do to not being able to handle and manage my own emotions.

  • BrassGal
    BrassGal 4 months ago +1

    Thank you, Stephanie Lyn! Your information is valuable and validating. I understand the dynamics of a recently ended relationship so much better.

  • Spina Wellness
    Spina Wellness 3 years ago +563

    It is a terrible feeling to be emotionally abused. By the time it is identified so much damage has been done. thanks for sharing this info.

    • MarvelFan3000
      MarvelFan3000 2 years ago +1

      I have scars and trust issues with people up to now, and it's only getting worse.

    • Refined Sarcasm
      Refined Sarcasm 2 years ago +1

      @GamingSince1998 especially emotional abuse perpetuated by mothers and spouses against male partners /sons. Touchy subject too

    • Dinosaur
      Dinosaur 2 years ago +3

      Spina Wellness I was 31 when I realized how my Mom is. When I was 7. I knew something was off. My parents divorced last year. It has shed light on who she is. My Narcissist mom uses my Autism against me. I need help, I need advice. I am trying to leave her. My dad wasn't there for me emotionally. He just barked orders.

    • Taylor T
      Taylor T 2 years ago +1

      It depends on the person.

    • _.pøtâtö .chïpš._
      _.pøtâtö .chïpš._ 2 years ago +5

      i think any type of abuse is at the same level they all affect you and change you

  • Mary Elkhair
    Mary Elkhair 5 months ago +1

    Stephanie thank you so much for your words of encouragement today. Really needed it 🙏💯 do you have any reading advice you'd recommend that you've read and found very empowering? Also,how did you get into your role as a life coach did you take a psyche and or a life coaching course to be where you are today? Soo interesting! And thank you for taking the time to respond. 🙏

  • Mirja
    Mirja 2 months ago +6

    I wish this was taught in schools so it would be easier to call emotionally abusive people out for verbal abuse already as a kid instead of suffering in silence for years and believing that it's all your own fault...

  • ann haney
    ann haney 6 months ago +1

    Thank you so much for making these videos. I woke up to how I was being abused and how at times I have been emotionally abusive. It really helps to have examples and to name the behavior. I have felt the words and actions first from family and then in a work environment which was very toxic. As I get older, I realize looking back just how abusive some family members were and still are. Thank you so much for the education. I see so much toxicity in work environments. As you become more aware of the sometimes subtleties of emotional abuse, it makes it much more difficult to be around when you start to wake up to it. Then, you have to set boundaries, enforce them or exit situation or relationship. Again, appreciate so much all your effort and work in making and sharing these videos.

  • M M
    M M Year ago +4

    You’re a lovely person. Thank you so much for making videos and spreading awareness ❤️🙏

  • missmerbella
    missmerbella 3 years ago +469

    Also, many of these tactics are absolutely intentionally done. Do they do them to everyone? No. Do they do them in public? Usually not. Do they do them at the beginning during the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship? No. Emotional abusers put on different “faces” depending on who they’re speaking to and what they want. It’s absolutely deliberate.

    • Tamara Piety
      Tamara Piety 20 days ago

      @GLAM DOLL I hear you, but I think for some it was a learned behavior and is such second nature to them it is like breathing. So I agree that these aspects DO offer evidence of sone awareness that other people won’t think this is okay, I think even that is instinctive by the time they are adults. It is how they learned to have relationships and these folks aren’t terribly introspective, at least not in any productive way. So they don’t think about how telling it is that they save their worst behavior for outside the public. Physical abusers do this too. 😢

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 20 days ago

      I noticed the red flags even before I met him. Was with him for 4 months because he kept promising me the world.

    • Tamara Piety
      Tamara Piety 21 day ago

      This is SO spot on.

    • Jennifer Hampton
      Jennifer Hampton 2 months ago

      Very yucky.

    • Madam Butterfly
      Madam Butterfly 4 months ago

      @Melanie Evans looks like ur love language is quality time and his is act if service and gifts. Look into 5 love languages. It may help u a lot.

  • zophiaburningart
    zophiaburningart 5 months ago +2

    Thank you for recognizing that even narcissists deserve to have their abuse validated but not enabled. It seems like a narcissistic trait to invalidate someone's experience. It also tends to make them very uncomfortable to be seen

  • Grassroots Evolution Tarot

    Thank you so much for your messages and helping inform people for their higher good. I especially appreciate your openness with discussing your experiences, this really resonated with me♥️ Love and light beautiful soul

  • Angela Frost
    Angela Frost Year ago +3

    This is such an important video. Thank you so much!!! Many people don’t realize what they are doing when they are emotionally abusing someone and they are so disconnected to other people that they don’t see the damage and pain they are inflicting on others. I truly hope this helps a lot of people. I’m learning to respect and love myself more so that I won’t be a target for abuse anymore. 🌺🌻🌼🌸🦋🦋🦋💜💚❤️🌈

  • O. Tella
    O. Tella Year ago +2

    I love how you bring it. Ack to children and how it can affect them. And what parents can do now to have emotionally mature offspring. 💚

  • Ruth Langston
    Ruth Langston Year ago

    Thank you for putting this video out. Emotional abuse is so common and almost seems acceptable for a lot of people. I have been working through the damages from my emotional abuse most of my adult life..it's been really the center of my existence for the continuance of my existence..but for much of my life felt so guilty for how I felt because I wasn't getting physically beat up or sexually molested/raped so I didn't think I had the right to feel as bad as I did. Emotional abuse was never somethinh that was talked about when I was growing up. It is definitely damaging and causes so many problems with mental health, how you live, how you deal with people, relationships with others and yourself. When I was a kid I read a story by Stephen King called "The Flexible Bullet" and really connected with that image with how I saw my mental state my feelings..something slowly killing me. So thanks again for putting this out. It's important for emotional abuse not to be as normal/accepted as it is in our culture. It really does cause systemic damage on so many levels if not worked through.

  • Rebecca Shrader
    Rebecca Shrader Month ago

    Thank you Stephanie! love your knowledge, education and mentorship/guidance!!!

  • Curly Teeth
    Curly Teeth Year ago +6

    Learning to love yourself in a healthy way is THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL... fantastic enlightenment! thank you ...one love GB

  • John F
    John F 3 months ago +1

    I know this was posted a few years ago but I wanted you to know this is one of, if the, best vids on the topic I have ever watched. So concise , flowing and full of truths. Fantastic communication style and content. Thank you.

  • Kennedi
    Kennedi 2 years ago +364

    I cried watching this. This made me realize so many things about myself and my relationship and I was not expecting for it to get this deep. Definitely breaking up with my boyfriend.

    • Shay K.
      Shay K. 5 months ago +1

      YOU GO GIRL ! & DON’T LOOK BACK

    • momfrom NJ
      momfrom NJ 5 months ago +2

      @PgirlRangerz I feel the same
      Two years with mine plus if it couldn’t get any worse , he’s an alcoholic on top of it. I’m at the end with this man. I think something finally goes off, where you say, enough is enough. I hope you are ok

    • Wesley Tyler
      Wesley Tyler 6 months ago +1

      WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU KNOW , THAT YOU KNOW , THAT YOU KNOW , DUH HUH , BOO WHO 2 U , ENJOY YOUR PITTY PARTY 🥳

    • Chloe B
      Chloe B 8 months ago +1

      @PgirlRangerz I'm in the same boat. Been together for 2 years and living together for a year. Don't want to break things off but it is becoming too much go handle. I know I need my own validation when I'm in a bad place and he just ignores me. I have medical issues with my uterus current that makes me feel pain to the point of throwing up and crying and he just doesn't seem to care anymore

    • Brenda Krause
      Brenda Krause Year ago +2

      @PgirlRangerz It is hard to leave but you will better off.

  • Angelina Castillo
    Angelina Castillo Year ago +3

    i was in a emotionally abusive relationship at such a young age.. 14. now almost 3 years later i’m much stronger than i used to be❤️

  • Libby Mitchell
    Libby Mitchell 11 months ago +6

    Thank you SO MUCH for your illuminating, life-changing videos!! It would be so helpful if you could suggest ways in which we benefit (on a soul level, if you will) from recognizing and ELIMINATING toxic relationships from our lives. After a childhood and marriage filled with emotional abuse, it would be empowering (as I move away from these people) to see myself as triumphant - permanently ending a dynamic that I now know I never deserved. How does this experience benefit us when we finally learn the lessons? Thank you! 🍃🕊️🍃

    • Jack Petersen
      Jack Petersen 19 days ago

      Libby Mitchell,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

  • Toyin Okunuga
    Toyin Okunuga 6 months ago +4

    Love you so much for sharing this. ❤. They manipulate and make you feel guilty. I hope a lot of millennials watch this so they don't make the mistakes I made. It is soul crushing when you don't love who you are, you just never see all the controlling signs. Particularly from your "loved" ones

  • Lilla Nagy
    Lilla Nagy 2 months ago +1

    Thank you so very much for making this video and posting. It has been so incredibly helpful to learn about, and educational for myself and my children. I look forward to the other segments.

  • Gabriela Crystal
    Gabriela Crystal 3 years ago +760

    They love to take advantage of you because they know you're emotionally vulnerable. They know you're gonna forgive them again and again and again. 😔💔

    • Louisa Foster
      Louisa Foster 2 months ago +1

      Until one day you fully wake up ... and forgive no more!

    • Lilac Cilla
      Lilac Cilla 2 months ago

      yes ! I forgive them ?! when they are the ones that abuse me ? ! its so awful to live like that . Omg . Humiliation . its what they live for . ostracisation is there punishment . They leave me out now since I told them what I think about them . Im not included in any family anything . The triangulation was used effectively with one sister who took over the role my mom played . She is respected and believed about anything she slanders about me to them . Its a very cruel dysfunctional family emotionally . They have no clue about what they do . Do not even see its abuse . Im crazy is all they think . It s no good to point out the gaslighting . That made everything 100 times worse .

    • Window4503
      Window4503 Year ago

      Never forget that forgiveness and boundaries are not mutually exclusive.

    • CIA Gadget
      CIA Gadget Year ago +1

      This is so me, I keep taking him back

    • Canadian Lady
      Canadian Lady 2 years ago +2

      I have this true story to recall about a camping trip I took my husband on...I say I took him because he didn’t do much but be led around...He couldn’t navigate to the next campsite and he didn’t know how to hook up the RV utilities...Long story short I asked him to do a short hike with me and he whined but went grudgingly...He couldn’t or wouldn’t finish it because he got bored and sulked and on the way back to the car there was a stranger approaching us asking for a boost to his car battery...A soft spoken man in need and my husband said no...I couldn’t believe what that SOB did....Now I know, we had a set of cables in our car but he was too lazy and too selfish to help...I broke away and fetched the cables because I was fed up to the gills with his selfish attitude towards anybody and especially me...I can actually write a novel of all the times he sabotaged my interests...He truly loves his wine and his devices spending hours and hours in seclusion and ignores me.... I’m convinced he can’t form attachments to people or his wife....I’m just a status symbol for him...

  • Celia James
    Celia James Year ago +1

    Everything you are describing I've experienced with my partner. He has mental health issues too - Depression and anxiety. I would not consider myself a weak person. I have a strong character but in this case, I let a lot of things slide because I thought he did these things coz he was sick. Now, 14 years after our marriage, we are separated.

  • Gemma Stimpson
    Gemma Stimpson Year ago

    Watching so many of your videos lately. Glad I've found you as your advice and knowledge on the things you talk about is so helpful! Thank you ❤️

  • golondriz3
    golondriz3 2 months ago +1

    I love this video. Yes totally identify. Thank you so much: I was not validated so I am with a person who doesn’t and won’t even validate me when I try to say my truth.

  • Shawntel Drake
    Shawntel Drake Year ago

    Wow! I stumbled across this video and I must say this is extremely life changing!! Thank you! It’s like you knew exactly what I’ve been going through

  • Izuku_chan988
    Izuku_chan988 Year ago

    I wish I had seen your videos earlier. I've gone through all this. I understand that I'm a codependent person. Thank you. Verbal and emotional abuse is difficult to prove in courts of law but it destroys you as a person.

  • Crisspy G.
    Crisspy G. Year ago +14

    I love this! I’ve been struggling with these behaviors with my Boyfriend for years! I’m just now learning how to counter his gaslighting and emotional abuse

    • N Martin
      N Martin 5 months ago +1

      Hope he is an ex-boyfriend by now

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      Crisspy G,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!

    • Paladium
      Paladium Year ago +1

      Leave

  • Untapped Shesources

    This is the most spot on example I have seen given on these situations in relationships thank you!

  • Inspired Meditations
    Inspired Meditations 7 months ago +14

    It’s amazing how many of these things are on a subconscious level. It took me a long time to realize my partner didn’t consciously know he was doing these things. That’s not to excuse the behavior or abuse but that’s what “tricked me”. I genuinely could tell that he didn’t know he was doing it. It’s so subconscious and learned from childhood.

    • Kerry Erickson Business
      Kerry Erickson Business 2 months ago

      Some people don't realize what they are doing fully for sure. My former partner had an extremely abusive childhood and would gaslight and silent treatment me all the time. But I truly believe that he went into a child-like "trauma brain" response and would shut down most of the time. It was so so hard. Because he didnt get what he was doing, and then I would have to explain to him over and over how what he was doing was hurtful, and then his shame would kick in and he would say "Im never going to be good enough for you", leading me to have to reassure. So I could never just be mad, I had to be a teacher too, and it was exhausting and so so deeply painful.

    • Eyes on the Prize
      Eyes on the Prize 2 months ago

      Which is why it's important to marry someone who is God inclined, not necessarily "religious". At least that person is open to the fact they may have something to learn from a Higher Power. Important to be equally yoked, as the Bible puts it. You can more easily call them on their abusive behavior and if they change or make repeated attempts, you stick around.

    • Gee Okonkwo
      Gee Okonkwo 2 months ago +1

      Watch out. Look into Dr George simon. Ppl know EXACTLY what they are doing. Making excuses for their behavior only keeps the cycle going. It's a rude awakening but so neccessaty.

  • TBD
    TBD Year ago +397

    The crazy thing is YOU have to ignore THEM to find your sanity. You have to behave like a narcissist to protect yourself.

    • A Proverbs31 Woman
      A Proverbs31 Woman Month ago

      I understand.

    • Birdie Blue
      Birdie Blue 2 months ago +1

      @Jill Flores healthy boundaries should cause a narcissist to run away from you. There will NEVER be a healthy relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists ONLY are there to abuse. They will abuse everyone and They do it on purpose.

    • Phoebe Smith
      Phoebe Smith 2 months ago +1

      That’s right they push you to do crazy things and then call you crazy. So they can blame you for everything.

    • Elaine Bines
      Elaine Bines 2 months ago +1

      Unfortunately you cannot have a relationship with a narc..once you know , you go

    • Alison James
      Alison James 2 months ago

      @Max Smart there is a scene in Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, where they say that to the bullies 😊

  • Zakiya Sheikjee
    Zakiya Sheikjee 5 months ago +4

    Oh wow, this is eye opening. Every aspect of this applies to my marriage and I have dealt with this for almost 10 years so I have always doubted my own own worth and value.

  • Awynn Dream
    Awynn Dream 4 months ago

    Thank you for putting these up. They help me understand my issues and those around me and how to address them.

  • Sari M
    Sari M Year ago +2

    It is true: a year after separation my daughter told me “Mom, I did not know that living with you is normal. I thought our lives were normal before” She was 12 at the time she said it. The drama and trying to punish me is still continuing until this day, 4 years later

  • Heshani Jayasuriya
    Heshani Jayasuriya 3 months ago

    Stephanie just wanted to add a comment here cause your channel really helped me get out of some situations. Watching this for the first time back then I just understood what I was going through what I couldn't explain. Learning about this is really important and I'm very thankful to you ❤️💐

  • Genesis Melody
    Genesis Melody 2 years ago +290

    Here is a tip: when you’re being yelled at, demeaned, being abused, take out your phone and discreetly record everything. I’m doing it in court.

    • ThingsI Love
      ThingsI Love 5 months ago +1

      Or maybe just GET OUT?
      Why waste your energy recording when you can leave?

    • Steve S
      Steve S 5 months ago

      The Honest crappy reality is....the court or legal system is most likely not going to do anything. The lawyers for both sides will secretly be more than happy to stir the pot to keep the legal bills high. And for the judge, it's just another "he said, she said" they have heard 100 times before already. And they can only rule on certain things anyways. You may win, but it may cost you tens of thousands and more years stress and anxiety to get there. Thus the cost benefit is zilch. And if you are dealing with a malignant narcissist, you may just be falling right into their trap. I speak from experience. It's not fair nor right, but reality in this cold world. Best course is to try to break free as cleanly and with as little fighting as possible, and don't fight over small stuff, just let it go.

    • Kayla Xianna
      Kayla Xianna 5 months ago

      Just make sure that in your state it's no laws against non-consensual video recording. Because they can throw it out if it's against the law.

    • James Galvin
      James Galvin 8 months ago

      Once you’re not provoking a reaction and only recording the reaction and not your provocation

    • It's a Plant Life
      It's a Plant Life 8 months ago

      Yes! I began doing this to really wake up to the reality of what was going on since I was being told otherwise.

  • Larisa Barboza
    Larisa Barboza Year ago

    Im watching all of your videos on this bc im currently trying to leave a very abusive relationship. Thank you for helping me gain courage

  • lambd01d
    lambd01d Year ago +4

    Thank you so much for this. My ex-girlfriend fits all those descriptors. I'm still suffering over 20 years later and it's ruined my ability to form relationships. She manipulated her friends to believe I was the abuser. They never saw all the abuse I suffered. All they saw was my reaction to the abuse, which to be fair, was not healthy either. It gave her more ammo to abuse me even more because she could make herself out to be the victim. I attempted suicide twice. I was a shell of a person towards the end. I'm trying to move forwards and acknowledge my own bad behaviour as well as hers so I can be a functioning human being.

    • Andie Dufresne
      Andie Dufresne 2 months ago

      I'm really sorry for what you went through. You should be proud of yourself for walking away from the abuse. May I suggest something called Shadow Work? It has helped me get through the trauma of my relationship with my ex.
      It's a grueling process, but just a suggestion.
      All the best✌🏼

  • Shyness Breakthrough Community

    This is outstanding! Indeed many emotional abusers can test your boundaries

  • Shannon Robillard
    Shannon Robillard Year ago +1

    Thank you for your video's, emotional abuse is so hard to get back to normal from, and impacts your life for years, hard to overcome, and video's like this help me so so much, hope you are doing well through this covid 19,much love to you

    • Jack Petersen
      Jack Petersen 19 days ago

      Shannon Robillard,You look gorgeous 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

  • Elizabeth Xiong
    Elizabeth Xiong 3 years ago +112

    My entire family since I was born. I finally got out of it this year. Here’s to emotional abuse survivors.

    • Dastardly XK120
      Dastardly XK120 Year ago +1

      🌟

    • Jasmine Love
      Jasmine Love Year ago

      I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌

    • Jasmine Love
      Jasmine Love Year ago +1

      I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌

    • Jasmine Love
      Jasmine Love Year ago +3

      I feel u on that!

    • Luciana S
      Luciana S 2 years ago +3

      💛

  • sorabh
    sorabh 5 months ago +8

    My mother has been physically and mentally abusing since I was a kid , when I was 15 she said " i wish i killed you when you were in my womb " . That line scarred me for life . She never loved me unconditionally , yes. Never . My whole life till today was like rapunzel's story . I'm 20 now, she still physically and mentally abuses me if I don't do it her way . And if I still don't listen to her , then both of my parents abuse me together, but just like rapunzel's story , I would break free and spread love to everyone I come in contact with . Pain , but I won't let it turn into hate . This soul of mine will never break. 🤙🏼

    • Erwin Brubacker
      Erwin Brubacker Month ago

      How sad parents tell their offspring these things, God Bless yall.

    • Sina Montana
      Sina Montana Month ago

      My “mother” told me same thing but hundreds times

  • Elizabeth Lapenta
    Elizabeth Lapenta 3 months ago +1

    This is so incredibly helpful! Thank you for posting this video💕

    • Jack Petersen
      Jack Petersen Month ago

      Elizabeth Lapenta,You got a lovely smile 😊

  • InfoVator
    InfoVator Year ago +1

    Thank you for this. My g/f has emotionally abused me for 5 years, we're in counseling together and thing's are just getting worse. Thank you!

    • N Martin
      N Martin 5 months ago +1

      Hope you extracted yourself from the relationship

  • Dee 07
    Dee 07 Year ago +1

    You explain things so well in teaching this subject.

  • Phoenix Fire
    Phoenix Fire 4 years ago +354

    i’m getting out of a 7 year relationship and engagement for 6 months.... i’ve finally woken up to all the emotional abuse, everything u say hits home. constantly getting the silent treatment,being ignored, feelings disregarded. strangers being treated better than me, sarcasms used to insult, being told no one will ever love me like he does, everything is all my fault, i will never find anyone like him, if i speak how i feel then he gets angry and somehow i end up apologizing to him, gas lighting me, calling me psychotic, saying harsh cruel things. getting told that he has been cheating on me from multiple sources. walking on egg shells all the time, revolving my day around his mood swings. one day he’s so nice to be around and the person i love the next day he’s belittling me. afraid to say anything that bothers me because i don’t want to get the silent treatment, constantly threatening to break up with me over any thing he is upset about. i can’t not believe the of my life, the person i thought was my soul mate is doing this to me. i was so codependent on this man he made me feel like i needed him that i was nothing without him and he always punished me by breaking up with me. he has so many double standards, he can have female friends but i can’t have male friends, he can add females on snap chat and instagram but if i do i’m screwing them. He makes himself appear to others as such a great guy, a do gooder, considerate helpful, and pure hearted. no one knows his true colors but me. he is a narcissistic personality as well. how did it take me so long to wake up? i am currently dealing with these gaping open wounds i just want to heal and find myself again.

    • Stephanie Duncan
      Stephanie Duncan 2 years ago +1

      A friend of mine introduced me to this wonderful hacker who helped me hack into my wife's Facebook and WhatsAPP account when I suspected she was cheating on me.

      He is a professional and offers services such as verification of Instagram , Twitter , hacking into social media accounts , bank accounts ,clearing criminal records, changing school grades, tracking calls.... to mention a few. You can contact him via his e-mail cyberhack003@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +15303784744

      Best of luck

    • JOYS
      JOYS 2 years ago

      @S Z same, they will never change ☹️ i need to get out as soon as possible

    • Monica Franklin
      Monica Franklin 2 years ago

      Hell, i finally woke up after 19 yrs what type of person he is.looking back.damn he put me through alot! Emtionally, and mentally.now i have to plan to GTFO!! Smh

    • JOYS
      JOYS 2 years ago

      Hi, Can i talk to you in viber?

    • Jackie Ellison
      Jackie Ellison 2 years ago +1

      Phoenix Fire this is not love..selfishness to the max

  • Faith Cehelsky
    Faith Cehelsky 6 months ago +1

    Thank you for going in-depth with the explanation. It helped me a lot to recognize what emotional abuse is and how it can affect someone from their childhood. Maybe pick up a few of these habits because that's all they knew how to do from a little kid.

    • Marina C
      Marina C 2 months ago

      That's true. I suffered tremendous emotional and physical abuse as a child. And then walked right into an abusive marriage... Thinking back (now that I'm much older) it must have been part of my reality. I was never good enough. But I found my wings and never looked back!

  • June S
    June S 2 months ago +1

    I really appreciate these videos so much. I get validation for my feelings about my own experiences, learn about my own behavior so I can improve and learn important lessons for raising my kids and grandchildren.

    • Jack Petersen
      Jack Petersen 19 days ago

      June S,You look stunning 🌹🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

  • D Roy
    D Roy Month ago

    Hi Stephanie, yesterday I came across your videos. I was searching about how to deal with a tough MIL, and I came across your video of what is manipulation.... you won't believe how helpful are the videos for me. I am one of the people who is being emotionally abused and I just didn't know it. But now I want to be equipped and I want to draw boundaries and enforce them too. I think your videos will be guiding me through. Thanks a Ton!! There were always questions lingering in my mind....but now I am getting the answers slowly. I am literally stuck in my relation. I think now I will get clarity as to what step should I take next.

  • Nisha Davdra
    Nisha Davdra Year ago

    09:36 really hits home. Thank you for helping me work through this

  • fyodork dostoyevsky
    fyodork dostoyevsky 2 years ago +237

    The lack of respect is such a huge part of this, for me at least. Whenever I was disrespected I saw it not for what it was, but rather that I was doing something to make myself undeserving of respect.

    • Kathryn Gardner
      Kathryn Gardner 2 months ago

      @fyodork dostoyevsky 💯🙏🍞🍷💋⚰️🚭🚭🌹⚰️ 🚨🚓 🎥🍿🙌🙄😋🤫😡🤬

    • fyodork dostoyevsky
      fyodork dostoyevsky 2 months ago +3

      @igoby XOXO music | under AXL PRKS MGMT. bottom line is, if you find that you no longer enjoy being with a person, you should leave that relationship

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 2 months ago +1

      @igoby XOXO music | under AXL PRKS MGMT. but yes i maybe have been, i just wanted to live again after all of that shit, i became lost in everything what i did or didn’t, i just wanted to start with my friends and get to the people which know what he did, because i always let my mind think otherwise i came back and everything was even worse

    • hidaddy
      hidaddy 2 months ago +1

      @igoby XOXO music | under AXL PRKS MGMT. i was scared and i believed it but when you realize that all your friends are suddenly gone and you’re even scared to see them even tho they didn’t do anything wrong to you or him, and then you find out that manipulation and control go hand in hand then i became scared that i just let it happen because im scared that i would be disrespectful and i was in that same thing for a year

    • igoby XOXO music | under AXL PRKS MGMT.
      igoby XOXO music | under AXL PRKS MGMT. 2 months ago +3

      You could have been disrespectful too, its possible that both of you were wrong

  • Patricia Johnson
    Patricia Johnson 3 months ago

    Thank you Stephanie. Love to you. I really appreciate. I prayed for clarity and you came thru my fees. Boundaries? What's that? That's next for me to hear. I don't know how to live myself I was abused my whole life at 2 I can remember hiding because I knew I was going to be beat and emotionally scarred. Both of our moms are narcissist we both did not grow up with love. So how am I able to love so deeply everyone I have no hate. I also have no understanding of how I'll ever move forward. 55 trying to figure it out.