Jared's Immigration Plan Is A 'Complete Whiff'

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  • Published on May 17, 2019
  • Jared Kushner's solution for immigration is being described as a 'conversation-starter' and a 'complete whiff.' #LSSC #Colbert #Monologue
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Comments • 3 419

  • TrollFarm Sage
    TrollFarm Sage 8 hours ago

    Catch and release laws requires Border Patrol to release illegal immigrants to the US, whenever they claim asylum and a fear of harm if deported back to their country. Trump wishes to build a wall along the US Mexico Border, and some portions of this wall is, or will be physically set back some distance from the actual legal border. It would be a great idea to bus illegals that claim asylum, or otherwise may not be deported, to areas where the wall is set back some distance from the legal border. Technically this would not be a deportation, because they will be dropped off inside the legal boundaries of the US. A good wall, fences, gates, checkpoints, etc.. should prevent those lacking legal status from passing thru the checkpoints along the wall and entering, or re-entering the US. It would be nice to have some water and shade available at the drop off points.

    There are many large national parks, forests and other public lands along the border with Mexico. Instead of just one wall, two or more walls may be constructed on the US side of the border, and they may allow unrestricted travel south, to exit from the US to Mexico. Northbound travel would be restricted by typical customs and immigration checkpoints. Some illegals could be transported to campgrounds on the north/US side of the walls, fences and gates that will prevent these illegal campers from passing north thru checkpoints to the US, but allow an easy exit south to Mexico. Again, these illegal asylum seekers would still be within the US, and technically this would not be a deportation. Many nice campgrounds could be built with showers, picnic tables, pavilions, bathrooms, BBQ grills, etc.. and these campgrounds would enhance the national parks and be available to US campers after the immigration crisis is over. Make US Campgrounds Great Again.

  • M S
    M S 2 days ago

    Thank you, my fellow NU comrade! You continue to provide my hours and hours of satisfying therapy to the clown show in our beloved White House! I can't wait for the American People to get it back!

  • Walt Schmidt
    Walt Schmidt 3 days ago

    Colbert the fuckwad actually thinks people give a shit about anything he says?

  • Petrida Ijumba
    Petrida Ijumba 3 days ago

    Kushner is dumpster raw no experience what soever put in power to protect his conman crook father in law. How wrong America???

  • Jazz G
    Jazz G 3 days ago

    Mr dumbledore of the desert might be the best phrase Colbert has ever used! 😂😂

  • Dennis Robertson
    Dennis Robertson 4 days ago

    The US needs smarter crazy people. Why is it when some nut job looses it, he goes and shoots up a mall, a school, a concert or theatre and they never go shoot at these idiot politicians ? I know why, it's because 99% of the time, these nut bags are Republicunts and everyone knows that Republicunts are pussies. If you need a weapon to fight, you're a fucking pussy. Plus if your going to bring a weapon, why a gun or machine gun why not show up wit a bazooka or better yet, a tank, I mean you already showed that you're a pussy cause you can't defend yourself with you're own two hands. You know the type, declares how tough they are and then they reach for a rocket launcher. FUCKING PUSSIES !!!!!!!!

  • Infidel Heretic
    Infidel Heretic 4 days ago

    Invading Iran would be impossible they are surrounded on all sides by mountain ranges. They have more than double Iraq’s population.
    And that’s not even considering our lack of an exit strategy.

  • Rob Vee
    Rob Vee 5 days ago

    Canada and Australia use the merit based system to good effect.

  • Kelly Stephenson
    Kelly Stephenson 6 days ago

    I'm guessing Melania's parents meet that criteria. No? Hmmm

  • Tobias Rieper
    Tobias Rieper 7 days ago

    Muslim wizard😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • Joanna
    Joanna 7 days ago

    Oh my! Am I the only one losing there shit when he said that gene is at the white house in front of the podium?!? I'm not sure I'm liking this simulation lol

  • Patricia Leonard
    Patricia Leonard 7 days ago

    Boltons a coward too.
    He said he didnt want to die in an asian rice patty.

  • Thatone Guy
    Thatone Guy 8 days ago

    That and gene Simmons joke made me die

  • Lili Bee
    Lili Bee 8 days ago

    He’s willing to start a war to deflect from his own crimes. Send his kids first. They’re not that smart, but they are young and able bodied....unless bone spurs run in the family.

  • T S
    T S 8 days ago

    They are all nuts!!!!

  • T S
    T S 8 days ago

    Trump is just a little narcissist isn't he? This guy says me,me,me more than anyone I have ever heard! It can make you sick.....or is it I,I,I??

  • T S
    T S 8 days ago

    This administration has the most incompetent people all in one place! None of them know what the hell there doing!!

  • Sara Heqet
    Sara Heqet 8 days ago

    No wonder these people want to work for Lumpy, its a piggy bank free for all, spend spend spend. Work for the public I'm on strike until you stop investigating me. So he'll be out awhile

  • Blado
    Blado 9 days ago

    Stitches

  • Blado
    Blado 9 days ago

    John was on point tonight with those keys!

  • Chipmunk Tubetop
    Chipmunk Tubetop 9 days ago

    Just nuke us already, goddammit.

  • martin wilk
    martin wilk 9 days ago

    The whole world is waiting for "regime change" in the States

  • Infinity311 GJanveaux

    At least you didn’t say Djinni, lol

  • MsCygnusX1
    MsCygnusX1 9 days ago

    The hypocrisy of that Immigration plan by JKushner could line a chemical tanker containing nuclear waste for 1000 years. For now, though, it's keeping a massive pile of bulls*** together.

  • EaglesQuest
    EaglesQuest 9 days ago

    Go live in Mexico...the canned laughter is stupid! I Ban You!

  • Izaia Petitphait
    Izaia Petitphait 9 days ago

    I'm scared. I'm not well versed in politics but I just had to register foe the draft this year when I turned 18. I don't want to fight in any war. I'm terrified

  • Element Air
    Element Air 9 days ago

    What a shock that Bolton is arguing for regime change. We can thank George W. for that fluffy-mustached cancer who keeps trying to get us into wars.

  • Veronica Deras-Roiz
    Veronica Deras-Roiz 9 days ago

    If you can afford it you become a citizen. The USA is for sale.

  • Mahmoud Sayed
    Mahmoud Sayed 9 days ago

    7:00 ROFL

  • Marvin Pratt
    Marvin Pratt 9 days ago

    Er

  • Alun Churcher
    Alun Churcher 9 days ago

    iran has a very good argument that they are being threatened by america and ask for permission to defend themselves against same aggression. america if you go to war with iran take bodybags for your children's bodies and take a good number of them this is not iraq or afganistan, iran are well defended and well weaponized. troop numbers will be boosted by other arabs going there to fight alongside Iranians. this time you could well be alone to fight on your own as other countries have no problem with in place agreement they still have, and der orange fuehrer has pissed of too many nato leaders to be able to rely on them.

  • AmericanDog PetGrooming

    LMAO

  • Jacob Prim
    Jacob Prim 10 days ago

    Jean Simmons lo-wait....he's serious?

  • Amsterdam Calling
    Amsterdam Calling 10 days ago

    Carol Merrill was my first crush. #LMAD

  • James Lynn
    James Lynn 10 days ago

    Colbert's "analysis" is a complete joke.
    You are not a political analysis, you are a late night goofball. Capishe?

  • Adelante Reunificacionistas

    The European Union does not believe anything the US says anymore, not after the Irak fiasco. The Country that Cried Wolf.

  • Michele Kett
    Michele Kett 11 days ago

    In Australia the immigration department tests, (payed for by the applicant ) people who are working here, paying taxes, have Australian born children and are good citizens, by making them write in English, a letter which most locals would not have the skills to complete. It’s unfair, makes the department lots of money and targets the wrong people. America is going down this path and will lose a lot of good citizens.

  • 9288Savior
    9288Savior 11 days ago +4

    3:21 That part gets me every time , especially the "Don't you dare close your eyes" {::>_

  • Dimagrimento Dietiziano

    You�re welcome, and have a nice day

  • Dennis Mitchell
    Dennis Mitchell 11 days ago +1

    The war should be eliminating these anti-American talk shows and excusing the "puppet hosts" for pushing the agendas of the.media heads.

    • Mathew Kelly
      Mathew Kelly 10 days ago

      Dennis Mitchell you have a short memory , I seem to remember Colbert giving just as much shit to Obama ....... Guess you're down with losing your precious freedom of speech

  • Another WorldView Is Possible

    "Magic 8-ball" - is that the code name for Benjamin Netanyahu, or MBS? Cause that's who seems to be pushing for a war with Iran.
    It's nice to see, that there's a war you won't endorse, Stephen. That's refreshing.

  • Hamid Pasha
    Hamid Pasha 11 days ago

    I am a Muslim and I found that Muslim Wizard Joke funny.
    Khameini is not Muslim, he is a Shia. www.shia.bs
    Shi'sm is not Islam since articles of faith of sh'ite beliefs are nowhere in the Quran. e.g. article of belief in 12 godlike imams

  • J C
    J C 11 days ago +3

    Jared’s tombstone will read “dangerously unqualified”

  • J C
    J C 12 days ago

    Jared Kushner advocating for a merit based system instead of giving access to relatives of citizens is ironic given that his entire career is based on who he married. He is nepotism personified. No one would ever give him so much fake power and perceived importance if he wasn’t annually fucking the daughter of the president. (Maybe annually is too often of a guess?)

  • J C
    J C 12 days ago

    John Bolton is a despicable human being and just a war hungry scumbag. Trump letting people like him have power is the main reason he is so bad as a president, he employs the worst or the worst kinds of people. Then they quit or he fires them and hires even worse people. Can we have an apprentice season to choose a new chief of staff, or Secretary of State, or some other position that could use a competent sane individual.

  • Redlight Records
    Redlight Records 13 days ago

    The Trump administration writes this show EVERY NIGHT. And they never fail to deliver the most absurd, treasonous and terrifying twists.

  • Michael Newell
    Michael Newell 13 days ago

    A whiff of Jared, should smell like borrowed money from Russian hoodlums and Deutsche Bank.!

  • Happy Plucker
    Happy Plucker 13 days ago

    Fools always think they are correct.

  • skidfrog
    skidfrog 13 days ago

    there's a reason Trump doesn't like the sound of the phrase "regime change".....it means he might agree that a horrible leader might deserve to be removed forcibly from office

  • Kristine van Ingen
    Kristine van Ingen 13 days ago +5

    Patriotic assimilation according to who...’cause that whole familia ain’t no patriots...

  • Luboman411
    Luboman411 13 days ago

    LOL! OMG! At 2:55. The ayatollahs really do look like Muslim wizards! I never thought of that! I was laughing so hard, tears came up. LOL!

  • AlliouaganaQueen
    AlliouaganaQueen 14 days ago +22

    So the immigrants have to be of a "high calibre" yet this administration is rife with people unqualified for their jobs🤷🏾‍♀️

    • Michele Kett
      Michele Kett 11 days ago +1

      What about Melania and her parents,?

  • CA AndBAK
    CA AndBAK 15 days ago +8

    “dangerously unqualified” not only Jared Kushner but most of the Trump Administration.

  • CA AndBAK
    CA AndBAK 15 days ago +4

    S. Colbert continues to expose the ignorance of Trump and his Administration.

  • Ramon Mora
    Ramon Mora 16 days ago +1

    Evil mother fu..... Coward trump and his evil lazy. Wife. Melania. Shame republicans. Shame. God help us. 🤔🤔🤔

  • Libby Payne
    Libby Payne 16 days ago

    King Trump is plotting his promotion.

  • Prudy Landis
    Prudy Landis 16 days ago +4

    Patriotic assimilation.... I'm listening to an audio book, "In the Garden of Beasts" by Erik Larson. He talks about how Germany started instituting a form cultural and patriotic assimilation to unite the citizens at the beginning of the Nazi regime. Now I hear it hear for our modern times and my skin is crawling.

    • MsCygnusX1
      MsCygnusX1 9 days ago

      That reminds me of the scene in Cabaret when a countryside German market style crowd gathers for some outdoor music. Then, they slowly start singing "Tomorrow Belongs To Me". It is unnerving.

  • Kimberly Sikorski
    Kimberly Sikorski 16 days ago

    🤓LOVE YOUR SONG STEPHEN !!!!😜

  • g0679
    g0679 16 days ago

    The Wunderkind has produced an idea?

  • Saif Hijazeen
    Saif Hijazeen 16 days ago +1

    Stay out of the Middle East, literally no one wants you there

    • Anurag Dighe
      Anurag Dighe 16 days ago

      Saif Hijazeen We don’t either. No more war, damn it.

  • Radouane Moricano
    Radouane Moricano 17 days ago

    This show and his reading of the tweets are getting really boring...... very boring indeed. Not funny anymore

  • Tian Dai
    Tian Dai 17 days ago

    the system copied from Canada

  • Jessica W
    Jessica W 17 days ago +3

    I'm a history minor, and I've never heard of Thomas Jefferson's letter to that Baptist Association

  • mice Vasileski
    mice Vasileski 17 days ago

    Read the bible

  • Anonymous ™
    Anonymous ™ 17 days ago

    Muslim wizard at 2:56 😂

  • Eoin Doyle
    Eoin Doyle 17 days ago +1

    Okay so the plan seems to be "look, I'm the guy that STOPPED us going to Iran, you have to reelect me!" rather than "We're at war, you have to reelect me!"

  • Venkatesh Babu Ponnuchamy

    God shakes hand with shake Abdulla. Simmons Simon and Garfunkel. Aren't you out of ways.

  • Brenda Orr
    Brenda Orr 18 days ago +2

    Are we going to war with Iran?
    Trump: I hope not.
    Ha! Ha! Ha!

  • Matlyn Smith
    Matlyn Smith 18 days ago

    Love you, thanks for your down to earth perspective, a true sign of greatness

  • Stephen Duquette
    Stephen Duquette 18 days ago

    Bolton is actually only a cartoon character ! He's the son of Yosemite Sam !
    Same personality, and same calm control . Shoots at anything that moves !

  • Matlyn Smith
    Matlyn Smith 18 days ago

    Just felt like sharing, this was created right after this man started lying on camera in front of Americans, really?

  • Matlyn Smith
    Matlyn Smith 18 days ago

    I am not a degree'd qualified assessor as I said after this was a personal test of my eyes based on what he has said and done

  • Matlyn Smith
    Matlyn Smith 18 days ago

    sorry dear this was done as a personal assessment of our president - Abby Normal Psychology is a real hobby!

  • Stephen Duquette
    Stephen Duquette 18 days ago +8

    I love Republicans. They are willing to sacrifice democracy, freedom ,health care , world allies , racial peace ,women's rights and the truth in exchange for not having to admit they made a mistake !

  • Scott Morgan
    Scott Morgan 19 days ago

    Can we stop overlooking the accumulation or NATO warships active in a certain Sea South of China that they happen to think is their own personal aquarium.

  • DesertDaisy Marie
    DesertDaisy Marie 20 days ago +2

    Whatever you do don’t watch this with a full bladder 😂😖🤦‍♀️

  • Mary Rose Kent
    Mary Rose Kent 20 days ago +10

    I love it when SC can’t stay in character...

  • BeeSugar1
    BeeSugar1 20 days ago

    I am laughing at the English ability....Americans can't speak English, I say that as a Kenyan from Nairobi!

    • Mary Rose Kent
      Mary Rose Kent 19 days ago

      BeeSugar1
      Or maybe it’s just the sound I grew up with.

    • BeeSugar1
      BeeSugar1 20 days ago

      @Mary Rose Kent of course you do coz Americans think they are "the world" 😂

    • Mary Rose Kent
      Mary Rose Kent 20 days ago

      BeeSugar1
      I don’t want to sound like a Brit, a Kenyan, a Scot, a South African, or an Australian. I’m happy to have my American English accent.

  • Drakkanna
    Drakkanna 20 days ago +1

    It's scary you Americans have nukes and put this guy in office. I wake up everyday expecting a few mushroom clouds in the sky. Please wake up and All vote. I'm from Australia and didn't realise our country is one of the few that it's compulsory to vote maybe put that in your constitution at least then you know the majority picked your leader not the few with the big pockets.

    • Mary Rose Kent
      Mary Rose Kent 20 days ago

      Drakkanna
      The American People did NOT put this 🍊🍄💩 into office-our archaic Electoral College put this 🍊🍄💩 into office. All of us who voted for the sane candidate can only apologize for the extreme number of morons in our country (including my only sister!) and antiquated weirdness that is the EC.

  • tiny dancer
    tiny dancer 20 days ago

    No coffee tables. The truth is you'd have better luck on the sidewalks of San Francisco. They steam and stay that way because of the sun beating down on them all day. What a whiff!! Better than "Jared" shitty schpritz.

  • irene gewinner
    irene gewinner 21 day ago +1

    Iran will not talk to lying djt.

  • Banjo Peppers
    Banjo Peppers 21 day ago

    Wanting immigrants who demonstrate a level of education, skills, and reading ability eliminates all the people who want to come here so they can get a better life including getting a better education though! That's so stupid!

  • Yolanda Denny
    Yolanda Denny 21 day ago

    One clown visiting another at the White House.

  • Star
    Star 21 day ago

    Yah right US will go to war with Iran
    exchanging threats for 50 years and no action is taken
    you need Iran as center for hate and destabilization in the Middle east
    you need them to exist to have an excuse for your bases and armies
    it does not make any sense to really try and get ride of them
    how else are you going to get more money from the Saudis?!!
    f**king shameless

  • Amber Du
    Amber Du 21 day ago

    Can someone help me why they laugh? ू(ʚ̴̶̷́ .̠ ʚ̴̶̷̥̀ ू)

  • Beth Bartlett
    Beth Bartlett 22 days ago

    The Federal Reserve Owners (International Financiers and Banking Corporation) - Own - MS News Media and the Primary Stockholder/Owner's family remains the GO-TO-SOURCE for War Loans
    See Rothschild Family History
    Balfour Declaration
    and Who Owns 100% of the Associated Press/"AP"
    Iran - no Central Banking with the above -
    Has - Antiquities - Natural Resources - and Potential WAR PROFITS.
    I wish Darius - I, II, and III Could Chat with DT -

    The Muslim Wizzard - Stellar!

  • Raj Patel
    Raj Patel 22 days ago

    Fuck'em all if they don't listen. Good deal is a good deal.

  • Elvia Giron
    Elvia Giron 22 days ago

    No te preocupe de mí y de inmigración por que boy donde mi padre Jehová y Jesucristo me mande a servir a mi prójimo así es y lo testificó con el poder de Jehová amén y Jesucristo Amén

  • Jace Cavacini
    Jace Cavacini 23 days ago

    The rationale is... War improved Bush’s approval rating, so... America is stupid. Presidents get us into war and the people suddenly “support the troops and the president” by default so they don’t get yelled at for being “unamerican”.

  • Jace Cavacini
    Jace Cavacini 23 days ago

    Trump put Bolton in there! The joke about thanking Trump for being there is super tasteless and illogical.

  • kickinbackinOC
    kickinbackinOC 23 days ago

    All joking aside, I kinda like Jared's plan. Would be better for the country.

  • Leland Lewis
    Leland Lewis 23 days ago

    There was an agreement in place between the allies and Iran, which Trump withdrew from because it was an "Obama deal". Now he sends U.S. forces to the Gulf to pressure Iran into negotiations with himself, a move that has pushed Iran towards restarting their nuclear program, and thinks that Iran will trust him? Especially with his reputation of saying one thing in negotiations and then saying the opposite in the next day's tweets.

  • Max Liftoff
    Max Liftoff 23 days ago

    "I hope not" referring to going at it with Iran is actually a good answer by the president. He has sense enough not to be cavalier about a possible war! To which neither he nor his family members will be going under ANY circumstances. The tough talking dummies will be dodging bullets in Terran's urban warfare if s*it does go down. Dial it down with those little facepalms.

  • Azem Cancarevic
    Azem Cancarevic 23 days ago +1

    Support our troop and send them to die so rich bastards get richer.

  • Sharon R
    Sharon R 23 days ago

    2:57 Muslim wizard hahaha

  • S1S
    S1S 23 days ago

    Can i have U.S citizenship based on being able to sing every Madonna song ever, word for word ?? I'm not that in to baptists..

  • gigi stoner
    gigi stoner 23 days ago

    "It keeps saying 8. I don't understand."
    lololol Yes Trump would be that dumb to be looking at the wrong end of an 8 ball when trying to see it's "predictions".

  • Evan Page
    Evan Page 23 days ago

    Remember Gene Simmons was on the Apprentice.

  • Ryan Massie
    Ryan Massie 23 days ago

    This is Iraq on steroids

  • Sma 556
    Sma 556 23 days ago

    Pelosi has been a DC politician most of her life. As such, she knows all the
    little dirty tricks politicians use on those they don't like. She
    knows how to play the "Washington game" and how to stall,
    stage, block, hinder and subvert. It started with the FBI trying to
    block or at least hinder Trump's Presidency and the DOJ's little fake
    Russia investigations, Barr's contempt of Congress ruling and
    democrats' daily badgering of the President saying he's an "agent
    of Russia" and "colluded with Russia" and "doesn't
    want to get anything done". Democrats are the dirtiest
    politicians you will ever see, not to mention the biggest sore losers
    on the planet. Pelosi has demonstrated she's more than willing to
    stoop to such dirty tricks because democrats know they can't come up
    with a legitimate reason to go after Trump and her willingness to
    engage in corrupt practices makes her very dangerous.
    Mike Hawk