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How to Distance Yourself from an Emotionally Abusive Person

  • Published on Mar 4, 2018
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Comments • 2 143

  • Goodness Isabemoi
    Goodness Isabemoi Year ago +101

    Many thanks
    1. Accept them for who they are
    2. Set boundaries
    3. Don't share anything personal with them as they will use it against you
    4. Don't let them manipulate you or get under your skin, accept self love.
    5. If possible stay away from them for your sanity especially emotionally.

    • Mary Adams
      Mary Adams Month ago

      Yes My husband's nephew Stephen Harrell that way is taking my 4 year old kid with out my consent or permission. Yeah "manipulator hates boundaries

  • Ross Schwartz
    Ross Schwartz 2 years ago +284

    The action of distancing from someone toxic conveys a message without having to necessarily speak it. Distancing oneself from toxic people removes a negative from one's life and allows room/time for positive change. It's a huge win-win and can absolutely be life-changing.

    • Kim Gordon
      Kim Gordon 3 months ago +1

      This is the better response #ThankYou for sharing. It's NEVER our job to Change their behavior 😒

    • Madona Fallah
      Madona Fallah 4 months ago

      Some people just don’t get it

    • H2O4Life
      H2O4Life 4 months ago +2

      “Let your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile.” Bad company corrupts good character.
      Do not envy the wicked, do not desire their company; For their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief.

    • Rick Astley
      Rick Astley 7 months ago +2

      i am doing it now my husbnd so very abusive by mouth and hand i need to be my son

    • Indie Sindie
      Indie Sindie 7 months ago


  • Ann Thatch
    Ann Thatch 3 years ago +1093

    Your own family can be the worst enemy

    • Ananda Lawrence
      Ananda Lawrence Day ago

      @𝘼𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙖 𝙆. no your not useless!! Don't say that about yourself ❤️ parents can be such hard work at times,.I have to put in boundaries like I only spend a certain amount of time with them or mum mentally drains me and I feel the life sucked out of me . How are you today

    • Scott Bartel
      Scott Bartel 13 days ago

      Struggling with this at the moment

    • Nyla Clancy
      Nyla Clancy 17 days ago

      @enelrad sky it is aweful

    • Nyla Clancy
      Nyla Clancy 17 days ago

      Oh my gosh yes

  • Adventures In love
    Adventures In love 3 years ago +365

    I had never been in an emotional abuse relationship until I met my husband. I didn’t even know this behavior existed. If I could redo my whole life I would never of met my husband or walked away on the first red flag. If anyone you’re dating brings you down call them out right then and there. Don’t get walked all over. Don’t let anyone change you as a person.

    • Chamila Schadlou
      Chamila Schadlou 23 days ago

      I wish I knew this before it is too late!

    • Kelly Gulnick
      Kelly Gulnick 23 days ago

      Preach it!!

    • M D
      M D 25 days ago

      Me too! I feel shattered and drained because of my husband doing the same! I wish I walked away at the first red flag too.

    • OH Housing
      OH Housing 2 months ago

      Same here. Too bad can't turn back time

    • Samantha Alexander
      Samantha Alexander 2 months ago

      What’s amazing to experience is abuse by a person who is completely oblivious to the fact he’s abusive! I read an amazing book detailing abuse and the author claimed that abusers know they are being abusive (I don’t agree) but the author also states that an abusive person has a problem fundamentally with the way they think (twisted) and that is what causes them to exhibit abusive behaviour… I do agree with that because I am a front row witness in my own life. He’s not realizing he’s abusive because his fundamental views are skewed. He doesn’t see women as being respectable despite what he may say.. it shows in the way he treats me and speaks to me. The puzzle pieces don’t add up. You can’t respect a woman and treat her like trash? And anyone reading this, don’t for a second think that you are not deserving of respect. Regardless of what you’ve done or not done in your life, every HUMAN is deserving of this base line respect. Rawr. Part of not being a victim is how you deal with the abuse you’ve experienced. Don’t play the victim… fight for yourself, fight for your life because YOU deserve it.

  • Anton V.
    Anton V. 3 years ago +391

    I like this video!
    Self love, firm boundaries and mininalistic information sharing is the key to protect yourself from emotional abusers.

    • 3G JDM Vlog
      3G JDM Vlog 2 months ago

      True! Amen..

    • Joseph Harden
      Joseph Harden 5 months ago

      Great video. The only thing that I would slightly disagree with is accepting is accepting them for who they are. Because that gets kind of murky. You can have something for what they are still not be emotionally entangled. Which is different from a supplement for who they are. The difference really is you are not accepting that person as the situation that you're in with them

    • maria utsick
      maria utsick 9 months ago +2

      Very good

    • Teuntje ;
      Teuntje ; 9 months ago +4

      I’m still trying to learn this.

    • Bunnykat's Oracle
      Bunnykat's Oracle Year ago +10

      Amen to that!! I learned this the hard way personally so I'm going to work hard to not repeat that mistake again

  • keesha1232
    keesha1232 2 years ago +516

    I don’t want someone in my life that I have to constantly tell to stop disrespecting me. That’s way to draining for me! 😊 And I agree tell these type of people nothing about you!

    • Tam Tam
      Tam Tam Month ago

      @Sallie Gallegos I know right!

    • Miriam Hernandez
      Miriam Hernandez 4 months ago +1

      Enough is enough!it’s very unhealthy. I can finally breathe.

    • Jo Fipps
      Jo Fipps 7 months ago +1

      @Monique Silcott
      Talk to Jesus. He loves you and will never abandon you.
      John 3:16
      For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.
      Seek the Truth.
      Pray and read God’s Holy Word, the Bible, and be blessed and happier than you’ve ever been.
      I know from experience how it feels to never fit in and feel lonely. But, now I’m full of joy and peace. I pray you will turn Jesus. Take care and God bless.🙏

    • Specularis_
      Specularis_ 8 months ago +3

      I know I have to see the ways I am disrespecting myself. The ways that I set people up to disrespect me.

    • debra jenney
      debra jenney 8 months ago +3

      @Jon Smith some people are disabled like me and it is very hard now to write or spell correctly, or there are others whose first language is not english

  • Amelia
    Amelia 3 years ago +375

    I wish I could walk away quicker from abusive people...I try and argue with them and point out their behaviour...it's such a waste of my energy

    • Fang Wan
      Fang Wan 8 days ago

      so true

      RACHEL GALVAN 14 days ago

      Let them win the day. It’s pointless to even try and argue with them. Wasted time and energy.

    • My Cat Sheena Book Lulu bookstore LuluBookstore
      My Cat Sheena Book Lulu bookstore LuluBookstore 8 months ago +3

      A total waste of time. Ghost 👻 them.

    • yuli ngo
      yuli ngo 9 months ago +2

      I can relate to you. I did the same mistakes too. No point to explain or argue... I have learned to put on smile, walk away and cut them completely from my life...

    • Steve Blobs
      Steve Blobs 9 months ago +2

      @Tariq Ahmed Tariq, you sound like somebody who know what they are talking about. And funny enough, I am subscribed to both Lisa and Dr. Ramani, even attended one of her recent workshops. As for this channel, just found it today.
      All the best to you and keep being strong and wise.

  • Haitch Cee
    Haitch Cee 3 years ago +208

    I'm 4 months pregnant and am walking away from my ex partner, an emotionally abusive bully. Thanks for the video :-)

    • Real Seminam
      Real Seminam Year ago +1

      @maya a. happy 23rd!!! dear
      Bless up 🌷

    • maya a.
      maya a. Year ago +7

      @Real Seminam this is so insane, today is my 23rd birthday. I wrote this while pregnant, I’ve reconnected with him a few times but overall he’s out of my life (as much as possible, considering we have a one year old daughter but he only acknowledges her if he’s getting what he wants out of and from me.) I’m slowly detaching from him more and more each day. stay safe and stay faithful :)

    • Real Seminam
      Real Seminam Year ago +2

      @maya a. how are you now?

    • Harmonyhope
      Harmonyhope 2 years ago +4

      Amazing, good for you. So much respect for you 💕🙏

  • Angel XXX
    Angel XXX Year ago +97

    I think the abusive person will always try and push boundaries and test to get a reaction.. you literally have to let them be someone else's problem.

    • Karine Audet
      Karine Audet 8 months ago +3

      Been my life .. i understand really

  • Zafina Seldom
    Zafina Seldom Year ago +69

    Bullies are hurt, insecure people who tend to fall in this category of emotionally abusive. Gadge the person you're interacting with, always stand firm in who you are and don't take things personally. Practice, practice, practice.
    Ms. Stephanie's advice is legit and I agree.

  • ́
    ́ 2 years ago +96

    I loved this video. I finally realized that this person was the biggest negative force in my life and now its time to love myself and heal. Im lonely but its better than being abused and hurt daily.

    • Elle Satya
      Elle Satya Year ago +4

      No Music No Life idk the person I have experience with has the sweetest mother I have ever met. I wouldn’t generalize like that. ❤️

    • Tripti Kumari
      Tripti Kumari 2 years ago +4

      True. Just wait and be patient till the right and emotionally healthy person walks into your life. There are only handfull of narcs. Most out there are loving n caring individuals brought up by healthy mothers.
      Narcs are raised by emotionally unhealthy mothers.

  • craffte
    craffte 8 months ago +4

    YES. Telling them what they are doing will never "expose" them. It sometimes only gives them fuel.

  • Brendo Dynomite
    Brendo Dynomite 3 years ago +31

    My energy and vibration is way more important than being a part of someone else's negative force. I've wasted 4 years with someone trying to send them my positive vibes and all I get is a drained feeling, emptiness and constantly accused of cheating when all I ever did was love and be there for them . Never cheated once. Thank you for helping push me in the direction I've been facing for so long, but never made that move for myself. I truly thank you!! Just subbed

    • ReggaeWonderland
      ReggaeWonderland 6 months ago

      Ditto 👑 Queen! My Sentiment Exactly! ✌Peace & Bliss ☮ 💜

    • Linda Keene
      Linda Keene 9 months ago +1

      Same with the cheating thing for me. I've never cheated and he's always accusing me of it. That's so weird. Best of luck to you!

  • Janna Martens
    Janna Martens Year ago +22

    I’ve just started setting boundaries and it continues so I have gone very low contact .I don’t go to their house because I’m their punching bag I always get yelled at and talked down to . Respect is really important to me .

  • Mackenzie Pugmire
    Mackenzie Pugmire Year ago +10

    I swear I needed this today! Thank you so much 💗 dealing w an emotionally abusive boyfriend... and I feel like I’ve gotten attached to him because he keeps me guessing. Stupid- I know. I was on a very self-loving, awakening journey before we met... and then after a couple months I started to realize he had some narcissist qualities and I told myself I’d be able to deal w it since I love myself and I know what he’s doing and he can’t tell me about myself or try to manipulate me but the longer the relationship progressed the more he’s started to take a toll on me.... and sometimes I find it hard to get out of bed because I’ve let him affect me this way and I let myself down by being affected so much by his actions or in-actions and disregard for my feelings.

  • Trina
    Trina 2 years ago +49

    Best advice I’ve heard in a long time I had forgotten all this because the abuse just dampens the brain thank you

    • Earlycat
      Earlycat Month ago

      Trinas brain is bright bright bright like her heart!!!

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 11 months ago +1

      Trina,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago +1

      Trina,you are too precious 🌹🌹🥀 to be with a narc 😈!

  • bethgalactica c
    bethgalactica c 2 years ago +233

    I figured out that when I was pouring out my heart and soul looking for ways to fix myself and our relationship, he did NOT care. Only to take bits of my words, twist them and tie me in knots with them.

    • Coespaltziuatl
      Coespaltziuatl 7 months ago +5

      That’s happening to me. I even feel guilt and begin to think he may be right

    • Linda Pierce
      Linda Pierce 8 months ago +1

      At least you flushed him out, to his true colors. Learn from it, and know the true moral character of anyone new that you date. Have high standards.

    • susan Sullivan
      susan Sullivan 8 months ago +5

      It's becoming clearer and clearer as more time passes by, he just doesn't care! That makes you feel so worthless that is shocking! After 10 years it's still shocking! Crazy making. Learn, learn to love yourself, pray and be specific and ask God to help you, he will give you discernment and peace. Move forward, step by step & don't look back! God bless you! He will never leave you nor for sake you.

    • magda lerouge
      magda lerouge 10 months ago +5

      So true. I am in the same position. It is so painful and confusing.

    • Tripti Kumari
      Tripti Kumari 2 years ago +7

      Narcs don't have anything such as heart. They don't feel anything. All they know is mind game and manipulation. They know exactly how to push your buttons and then shift the whole blame on you. Gosh been through that he'll fortunately or unfortunately.

  • Möbius Stripper
    Möbius Stripper 3 years ago +61

    I love that you are obviously a highly educated, qualified professional... yet you relay the information in such a caring and relatable way that it feels like I'm getting loving, sound advice from an older wiser sister. (And I think you may be younger than me!)

  • Marlene Rios
    Marlene Rios 3 years ago +36

    Self Parenting is the best advice that I never knew was so important for me to do for myself. I love your Channel. Thank you!

  • Beneath Mary’s Mantle
    Beneath Mary’s Mantle 8 months ago +10

    When you said “you are golden” it was absolutely empowering for me to hear! A huge weight has been lifted off of me because I have researched and studied everything you have mentioned. Thanks

  • patricia cardenas
    patricia cardenas Year ago +2

    Just wanted to say thank you I was never taught any of this and I’m putting into practice so thank you so much I do love myself now but I didn’t know anything about gaslighting emotional manipulation emotional abuse toxic people so thanks for teaching me. Thanks to you I’m more aware of who is in my life. God bless you!

    • BOOM- seals
      BOOM- seals 11 months ago

      I'm glad you're doing better now! I'm in a rather unhealthy relationship with a friend right now and I'll try to use this too. Hopefully it'll help me like it did with you! :)

  • gMale Castro
    gMale Castro 7 months ago +2

    You’ve given us three astonishingly useful and simple steps to assertiveness, Stephanie. Thanks a bunch! I’m working with a young counsellor who very effectively teaches and demonstrates assertiveness except when it comes to family members who couldn’t care less that they’re abusive with her. Your insights fitted her situation so well!

  • Charles Munroe
    Charles Munroe 3 years ago +9

    Stephanie... You have a beautiful gift! Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom in helping us heal & recover from this emotional torture... You are making such a difference for thousands of us... XO

  • Roxanne Rodriguez
    Roxanne Rodriguez 2 years ago +52

    I’m struggling so so bad distancing myself. I need to practice these things. Thank you for your video. I know I have to walk away for good to feel better. I’m so depressed and my anxiety is so bad .

    • Misfit 78
      Misfit 78 7 months ago +2

      I am right there with you! Praying for us!

    • linda seeta
      linda seeta 8 months ago

      Hey sorry, to hear that Roxanne I have been trying to understand how to deal with this for many years, and now it has reached the end So you are not alone, dearest stay bless and be strong 🙌

    • Miss Jones
      Miss Jones 9 months ago

      I'm struggling the same. Hang in there. I'm finally healing and don't let them determine or control how I feel. It takes time and I still get hurt but I'm learning. Best of luck to you. Know your worth. You are really amazing!!

    • Sallie Gallegos
      Sallie Gallegos 10 months ago

      Don’t walk, run.

  • QueenStatus
    QueenStatus 3 years ago +47

    I’ve watched this video 5 times. The information is priceless!

  • Ann
    Ann 4 years ago +682

    I try to avoid people who live life like it’s a game. Every interaction can feel like a power play, a play for dominance. Yuck! Who has time for that? Why not just live life in a joyful, spontaneous way?!

    • btfields123
      btfields123 3 months ago

      Right!!!! That's my whole family's motto. Always wanna have the power. That's why I'm estranged now

    • Lemondrop
      Lemondrop 4 months ago +1

      @Samantha Sanchez And that was beautifully said.

    • Samantha Sanchez
      Samantha Sanchez 4 months ago +1

      Beautifully said! They are wired that way! Its like they can't even help themselves and being with someone like that can eventually take a toll on your personality I remember mirroring him for some time. Like whoa that wasn't even me. I was living to please him! Its dangerous 😳 but I agree the best way to live is with joy in your heart not knowing what tomorrow brings bit trusting God!

    • Lemondrop
      Lemondrop 4 months ago

      so weird

    • Joseph Harden
      Joseph Harden 5 months ago

      You. Better. SAY. That. S***! 🤘🏽😎 hell yeah

  • Jessica Gallegos
    Jessica Gallegos Year ago +6

    Stephanie I just have to let you know how much I appreciate your videos!! I've become a better version of myself mentally because of your videos. I truly know what it means to love myself now. Not only that but so much more. I've been sending people links to your videos who need your help as well. Thank you so much!

  • His New Life
    His New Life 2 years ago +21

    Thats really good to hear that you dont have to keep someone in your life, especially if they are family.

  • linda seeta
    linda seeta 8 months ago +3

    Love these guidelines in managing your own boundaries it helps self-esteem, progressive focus, unhealthy and healthier lifestyle!
    Warning alert, Including self-removing simple and easy to understand I just wish I was informed before
    Radha that just removing myself, but nevertheless it's never too late to learn tanks for the tips Missy 🤲🏽

  • Prescott Lady
    Prescott Lady 2 years ago +66

    My narc husband has always come out with a snarky, condescending tone of voice that wilts my spirit like nothing else. I used to continue the conversation in spite of it. Now, I simply say, "And there's the tone" , get up, and walk away. I've also started the practice of "time sharing" our home. Whenever he's away, I do my work in our common areas. When he is at home, I'm usually in my own room.

    • Misfitted
      Misfitted Month ago

      OMG literally went through that a few days ago. It truly is horrendous, draining, and defeating. Send love

    • M Riley Mitchell
      M Riley Mitchell 6 months ago

      @Tiffany Valencia sometimes the "silent treatment" is a blessing...

    • Tiffany Valencia
      Tiffany Valencia 6 months ago +1

      @Victoria Hunter Wow our husbands are narc TWINS!

    • Tiffany Valencia
      Tiffany Valencia 6 months ago

      My husband automatically does the timesharing thing almost every day...in the form of giving me the SILENT TREATMENT.

    • Victoria Hunter
      Victoria Hunter  6 months ago +1

      Same situation at my house. My spouse is a full blown narc. Unless he can counter or devalue what I am saying he has no interest in talking. He will say things under his breath far back in a different room while the tv is on and volume up, and expect me to have heard him and answer me again in a way that suggest I should of heard him the first time.

  • Danita Dyess
    Danita Dyess 8 months ago +2

    "What u r showing the abuser is I won't tolerate that." Luv this! Establish boundaries.

  • Annette Adams
    Annette Adams 7 months ago +2

    I really appreciated this video. It took me a really long time to distant myself from my pastor; I’m talking decades. I didn’t know that I was being abused emotionally and spiritually until I talked with my therapist. And when I distant myself I started noticing positive and just a much calmer energy coming back into my life. And another thing; he knew a lot about my life and I could barely breathe. I hate to say it but you have to be careful with ministers as well. Thank you for sharing this video. Wow

  • Yoru Tesfazion
    Yoru Tesfazion 3 years ago +13

    Love this. I've been emotional hurt and drained for helping people. I'm indeed of help healing myself and have a healthy relationship. Thanks for your guidance now i see my weaknesses what i need to work on.

  • Ally Marie
    Ally Marie 2 years ago +6

    I’m in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and this video is helping to give me ways to cope until I am able to leave them. Thank you

  • Lisa White
    Lisa White 3 years ago +431

    People take kindness as weakness. I'm just a good-hearted giving genuine person but I realize that people are not always going to give me the same in return. I stopped being a people-pleaser. And I've learned to say No !!! I've learned to invest in people that invest in me. It feels great to know your worth. I can't change people I can only change how people treat me.Thank you

    • Piper Haser
      Piper Haser 6 months ago

      @tasha strobridge I totally feel you
      I'm also a pisces and I feel that my kindness is often mistaken for weakness then I end up letting people take advantage of me or take me for granted. And eventually I end up snapping and not being the kind and loving person I was at first. It is so important to enforce boundaries and practice self respect especially for pisces people!

    • steven pavia
      steven pavia 6 months ago


    • tasha strobridge
      tasha strobridge 8 months ago +1

      @Alisa Rumrum welcome let's go be great

    • Alisa Rumrum
      Alisa Rumrum 8 months ago +1

      @tasha strobridge thank you 😊

    • Marlee 82
      Marlee 82 8 months ago

      AMEN 👍🏻

  • SK Bains
    SK Bains 2 years ago +18

    The emotional abuse from my abuser gradually built up over time. Things only ended for me when I left. I can’t stress that enough. I waited 4 years for him to deal with his issues. Instead they always defended their behaviour as a reaction to how I was being- “treat me better by doing what I need you &!then I won’t treat you like that”.
    I accept that they are on their own journey and I am better off in life without them.
    🌿Healing with self love, having a relationship with myself ❤️, & slowly distancing myself from other toxic people who refuse to respect my boundaries.

    • Lisa Lucero
      Lisa Lucero 8 months ago

      So true when you live in a toxic environment it makes life a living hell, It takes courage and a lot of will power to get rid of someone who poisons your existence,is not worth it even if is your own family!!

  • LaVonne Ward
    LaVonne Ward Year ago +5

    So thankful I found your channel. Self awareness and knowing you can’t change anyone - game changers

  • Mariesa Janta
    Mariesa Janta 5 months ago +2

    This information never gets outdated! Pure gold to my soul.. thank you so much for sharing Stephanie. I appreciate your teachings. I am just at peace with myself to find this information on youtube, so I can help my self heal and deal with certain people that are in my life. !!! thank you :) Power to you, to keep you going. Mariesa

  • Charlotte Clementine
    Charlotte Clementine 3 years ago +26

    Thank you for this video. My sister keeps trying to push my buttons knowing full well I won't react out of respect for our mother. But by staying silent I've allowed her to go further and further. I need to learn how stay calm but still set boundaries to protect myself. It's not easy but I can't keep living this way, I'm dealing with a major depression and this added stress is making me feel worse.
    So thanks for your advice.

    • May Bee 🐝
      May Bee 🐝 2 years ago +1

      You are doing the right thing as hard as it is to endure your sisters negativity, keeping the peace for your Mother is admirable. Your sister is obviously jealous of you. I have endured this with both of my sisters. It is hard, but keep on doing the right thing, one day you can unleash out of earshot of your Mother. Just keep it classy.

  • barbh1
    barbh1 4 years ago +623

    I agree it's just best to ignore the emotional abuser as much as possible, instead of confronting them. First, they are very good at manipulating, and they'll probably twist your words so you end up feeling bad about saying anything.

    • Julia Rose
      Julia Rose Year ago

      @Deb Harris It was a sad experience, but I am glad I learned from it. I no longer allow this treatment, and can spot these personality types almost immediately!

    • Julia Rose
      Julia Rose Year ago

      @Miss desire Independance I moved out after the lease ended and cut all ties. I learned a lot from this experience, and am grateful I was able to realize what it was narcissistic abuse instead of thinking I was the problem. You are so right, they will leech all your positive energy until you have none left. I'm so glad I got out, and am happy you were able to get out too!

    • Anas Gz
      Anas Gz Year ago

      @Jag Parmar or your wife...its difficult..the idea of leaving them takes a lot of courage..

    • Speaking Cantonese with Miss Winnie
      Speaking Cantonese with Miss Winnie Year ago +1

      I dealed with these emotional abusers and they would just make me think that I was the problem and I was the one who kept manipulating them. That was really horrible!!

    • Laurie Oshell
      Laurie Oshell 2 years ago


  • Stepan klingenberg
    Stepan klingenberg 7 months ago +1

    Thank you so much, again, for helping to focus my life in a way that makes me feel again like I did the right thing (for almost everyone) in my little family by splitting from my abusive wife. Since then my daughter is living a more peaceful day by day, I started to enjoy life and when I get to be with my daughter I'm really DOING AND ENJOYING the time with her, and not feeling that pressure as if I was "wasting my time" by enjoying my time with my daughter and not working. Thank you so much....😌

  • kourt17
    kourt17 2 years ago +5

    Thank you so much for this video! I have been struggling for months trying to figure out how to get out of an abusive relationship. Tonight I was at my breaking point looking for help when I came across your video! Thank you for all the helpful information and helping me feel stronger to face my abuser and finally get out of my situation!

  • no no
    no no 3 years ago +9

    Thanks so much! I really needed this today. Sometimes it is the in-laws who hurt us the most.

    H❤️ME WITH HOLLY 3 years ago +33

    I set boundaries with him. But he doesn’t care. Just gives me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, Really hard to live like that when you live together because I tried to set a boundary and he gets upset and wants to punish me.

    • Steve Langely
      Steve Langely 7 months ago +1

      @Abbey Dawes That silence is your blessing: It's preparation for your separation.

    • MadeInHisImage
      MadeInHisImage 11 months ago +1

      Yes! I experience severe consequences for trying to set boundaries and limits with my narcissistic mother. She even told me once, that there will be NO placing boundaries on her! Our circumstances are such that she presently holds a lot of power so IF I do reach that point where I have to confront her and set a boundary it’s immediate retaliation and punishment in some way where it will really hurt me. It’s an awful way to live.

    • Abbey Dawes
      Abbey Dawes 11 months ago +3

      Omg I am Living this hell right now

  • صبرا جميل
    صبرا جميل 3 years ago +3

    Stephanie Lyn,
    Thank you so much! I really needed emotional support and knowledge to proof myself to myself. I statted watching you today, and am so happy to listen all those tips. I had so much of negative things and people that brought so much negativity into my life. I want to get rid of all in a smart way. Learning a lot from your videos. Thank you!!! You are telling me things which my parents didnt teach on time.

  • Captain Nemo
    Captain Nemo Year ago +10

    Not to judge yet it is to accept . Stand strong to those who drain you , cling to the ones who make you a better person .

  • Phiwo Maseko
    Phiwo Maseko 2 years ago +2

    I'm currently going through this in my life... So glad I came across this video right at the start of a new year... I am on my way to healing. Thanks!

  • Anusha Ramachandran
    Anusha Ramachandran 2 years ago +2

    Stephanie, thank you! What you're saying makes so much sense and has given me a new perspective on things 🙏🏼❤️

  • Diana Claros
    Diana Claros 3 years ago +650

    This video was soo helpful. He would "spoil" me by buying me things, buying me trips, concerts, taking me out to eat yet when it came down to a disagreement/ argument.. he would disrespect me.. say im ungreatful because he "works so hard" for me and call me names and yell at me. I dont care if you can spend all the money in the world for me, when there's no respect.. Im done.

    • Jane Tamplin
      Jane Tamplin 7 months ago

      Warning. Anyone who tells You they did it for You. I. ThT double edge tone. They are saying you owe me.

    • Merry Blue Girl
      Merry Blue Girl 8 months ago

      @Audrey Jackson I feel you, Audrey. This video has helped me open my eyes. I'm constantly trying to get someone to see what he does to me isn't right but I think I'm going about this all wrong. I suddenly feel very empowered. 💕

    • Rejoice Modiba
      Rejoice Modiba 10 months ago

      I can resonate

    • Andrew Thomas
      Andrew Thomas 11 months ago

      @Ghost stay strong ok 💪
      Pray for peace.🙏😋

    • Ghost
      Ghost 11 months ago

      Same is happening to me currently, I told him I did not want to be with him and he acted as if I never said this and started buying things. I have no way to leave easily, this or a shelter. idk

  • Chitra chitra
    Chitra chitra 3 years ago +8

    Setting and enforcing boundaries. is what l got to learn at the hands of a severely Narcissistic mother and her 2 evil female golden children . Being an empath the life taught me a lot .That is worth learning. I am not just an empath . Now I am an empath-rock.Almost all the guys and ladies who make videos on Narcissistic abuse ,empaths, earth angels or light workers do a tremendous job that is so precious .May they all stay blessed.!

  • Jay Johnson
    Jay Johnson Year ago +4

    Thank you, so much for your teaching!!! It confirms the behavior I have been getting from a friend. It reinforces my reasoning and decision to break ties with them. It reinforces my goal and plan for improving my self love. Sorry, to hear that you have been emotionally hurt. I appreciate your strength to recover from that and turn that experience into something you can teach others on how to recognize and protect there own emotional well-being. Have a blessed day!!! Jay

  • djharp51
    djharp51 2 years ago

    Just your listing of reality facts is pure therapy, Stephanie. It's empowering to see how far our relationships can unhinge us from what's positive, real and life-affirming. Good on you!

  • Lana G
    Lana G 3 years ago +7

    This is so helpful as im a very strong person to begin with .This problem seems to be an epidemic these days and no one should have to put up with it ,especially good people like ourselves.I have very high self esteem and as a God believing person know i deserve better and am working on myself
    and am getting stronger. No one deserves to be hurt or controlled and we all have our. own minds and dont need to put up with this undeserving treatment. Thank you for your kind words of sage advice. God bless

  • Sarah Lowry
    Sarah Lowry 3 years ago +6

    This is great! It's so important to enforce boundaries, create a bubble to protect yourself and have self love ❤

  • Stanley Joseph
    Stanley Joseph 8 months ago

    Thanks so much, I’m beginning to see that I was a people pleaser. I thought I was supposed to accept this verbal abuse because she’s a woman. But she’s definitely pushing my buttons and disrespecting me. Now, like you said, I’m in control now. I feel liberated. Thank you so much for raising my self esteem ❤️

  • pukasmom
    pukasmom 3 years ago +11

    I am having trouble leaving my physically & emotionally abusive boyfriend of 5 years.Thankyou for your videos. I always felt like it was my job to help anyone who needed me.I see the difference now between enabling &help.I think I am almost ready to give up this fight to help him get better....

  • Eihab Agladious
    Eihab Agladious 4 months ago +2

    It’s a very enlightening advise- my wife is emotionally abusive and very manipulative person, when she doesn’t get her way she gets very abusive and gas lightening, calling me names and making me feel very bad, she has caused me a great deal of pain. I’m cutting her off my life but my son is all what hurts now I love him and want him to be healthy and grow to become a young strong man

  • Mike Hubbard
    Mike Hubbard 4 years ago +176

    Yep, Trying to change a person who does not want to change, or does not even realize that they are a toxic person is only going to explode in your face. Go slow, and be kind. Do not add to their conversation. It will only give opportunity for that toxic person to further exercise their "craft" on you. I believe there is a connection with this activity to what the Lord Jesus has said; Satan has desired to sift you as wheat. ...meaning that person is stripping you of the life that God has invested in you. Get away from them as quickly as possible.

    • Elhadj Diallo
      Elhadj Diallo 9 months ago +2

      Frankly speaking i love being alone and i enjoy my own company etc....

    • Donna Draper
      Donna Draper 11 months ago +2

      @SalixNigra Roy YES!!!! I almost lost my religion because of this impersonator. Walking breathing evil is what that are.

    • Danielle Lichtblau
      Danielle Lichtblau 2 years ago +1

      If we look at it like a spiritual uplifting it's much better. We need to be able to have self worth and understand what feels good and not. Sometimes we need a teacher in the form of an asshole..lol

    • Tammy Falzone
      Tammy Falzone 2 years ago +3

      Thank you Mike for sharing. I have been dealing with this type of toxic person for a long time. This hit home, Satan will use anything or one to destroy you, and as you put it strip you of the life that God has invested in me .

    • chris parker
      chris parker 2 years ago +1

      Mike Hubbard I heard the Lord tell me “get your house in order the enemy has asked for you, he wants to soft you like wheat” .. one month later I was pushed off a house working C-7 spinal cord injury spent the last 20 years in a wheelchair, it’s been HELL but it’s been a blessing to!! Just wanted to add to your statement...

  • Eboney Evette
    Eboney Evette 8 months ago +2

    Thank you so much for this Ms. Lyn,, 😌I wish I’d came across this a lot sooner, but Everything you said is true and effective 💯. On a personal note, I realized it was more about me learning how to love and respect myself then it was about the other person and I ultimately had to redirect my attention from them and towards myself and ask what “ I”needed, this was how I figured it out. I didn’t realize how much I did not value myself until I encountered this situation and even though others were not as extreme I learned to set a certain standard throughout all my relationships. It has helped me heal on a deep level. Thank you again😊🙏🏽❤️

  • Gabriela Martinyuk
    Gabriela Martinyuk 3 years ago +21

    We need to get away from this kind of person- as opposed to being in a relationship with this person and try to change them.

  • PsychedPerspective
    PsychedPerspective 3 years ago +38

    I blocked my narc mom. When it comes to my grandmother I simply just ignore and don’t see her most of the day. 2019 has empowered me ....after awhile you just get tired of bullshit including family lol

  • Kenzie
    Kenzie Year ago +2

    Thank you so much for putting your helpful information on your channel. I left him last night and your videos help me see the truth so much more clear. Almost four years and one toddler later, ive realized i need to take care of myself and my son by removing him from our living situation. Thank you💗

  • Jenny Caragia
    Jenny Caragia 4 years ago +133

    Having compassion and having no boundaries. It's a balancing act. We must have self-compassion too

  • Thejunkman
    Thejunkman 3 years ago +15

    This is what I'm working on with coworkers. Happened today cut them right off Stopped the negative trash talk about another coworker was like they got hit by a train felt good.

  • Elizabeth Lasseigne
    Elizabeth Lasseigne Year ago +1

    THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!! Your video was literally an answer to a prayer for me. I didn’t know how to deal with my passive aggressive friend who is part of the friend group. You answered all of my questions perfectly. I love all of your videos!

  • Rod Turner
    Rod Turner 2 years ago +3

    You're amazing, so much appreciation for everything you do for us NARC survivors. Blessing and Peace to you Stephanie. Namaste'

  • Lauren Pollitt
    Lauren Pollitt 3 years ago +3

    You've taught me so many helpful life changing lessons, thank you

  • Nikki
    Nikki 4 years ago +122

    I’m leaving an extremely emotionally abusive situation. Today I decided to walk away. I just want to say thank you so much for creating this channel. You’re saving so many people. You’re very appreciated! Wishing you much love and positivity 💕

    • Abbey Dawes
      Abbey Dawes 11 months ago +1

      @Stephanie Lyn Coaching I wish you all the luck in the world. I haven’t left yet

    • A M achild of most High God in Jesus Name Amen
      A M achild of most High God in Jesus Name Amen Year ago +1

      God bless you abundantly.

    • Blanca Araujo
      Blanca Araujo 2 years ago


    • Michelle S
      Michelle S 2 years ago

      Nikki is

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +6

      Nicole Ford thank you so much for a lovely comment! I am sorry you had to reach that point in your relationship but you should be so very proud of yourself for loving yourself enough to know that you deserve better! All the best to you! 💜

  • Caroline B
    Caroline B 2 years ago +1

    Thank you Stephanie! Growing up with an abusive sister was always difficult:( your videos they mean a lot:)

  • Jade Wong
    Jade Wong Year ago

    Thank you for this video. Couldn't agree more. It's especially true when it comes to close relationships such as a family member or a partner. Absolutely distance yourself from people who are toxic, be it any relationship.

  • Tara Es.
    Tara Es. 3 years ago +1

    Your expression about that is so good!! So accurate and adds great value to my life. I made the experience that not following what you said leads to self worth issues and loss of self-respect. To care for your own feelings and to like draw a line between someone and yourself. So important to care for your needs first. But the realise someone is actually crossing your lines is the hardest one. Being a people pleaser or empath made me focusing on other people's feelings and needs more than mine and understanding them better. I ended up in a toxic relationship without knowing why it was so bad and realising what my part was, that kept it actually going. Severe Depression, emotion regulation issues anxiety attacks, dissociation and just standing beside of me. Taking responsibility for your feelings, needs and actions is so important!!. Love that you shared this.

  • Bunnykat's Oracle
    Bunnykat's Oracle Year ago +1

    I wish I had found your channel ten years ago or.more- you could have saved me so much heartache! Better late late never though, right? What you're doing here is so extremely valuable and the fact you're making it available for free is so wonderful. Not everyone can afford a therapist and many of us didn't have great parents to teach us this stuff. So Thank you so much for all you do!! ❤

  • Rengashree Ravichandran

    It's really true no matter on how much we educate on these topics , we're all human and it's going to hurt sometimes when someone does something upsetting.
    It takes a lot of practice and consciousness to put all these into effort

  • David Mandeville
    David Mandeville Year ago +2

    Thank you Stephanie - I love what you do for us - thank you for your expertise and compassion.

  • Life’s lessons
    Life’s lessons 2 years ago +2

    Yes yes yes ...emotionally draining!! My whole body has suffered for years with constantly putting on my armour. I'm tired and warn out lifting this heavy armour on an almost daily bases . It's taken its toll . Visiting my parents has Always been an unpredictable situation which I tensed up before I got there . My father passed 5 years ago , I miss him in a way that I really do not miss his years off verbal spiteful comment ps of me , the judgements of me , the bully boy tac tics . My mother has foul jealous issues and has said some things that will never leave my mind , she's 85 now and failing, but is STILL capable of cutting me , even by a LOOK ! My older sister is her father and mothers daughter!! Need I say more ? I've recently chosen to block her out of my life , the straw that broke the camels back , this mound has to be broken and it finally is .
    The very last contact ( and that will be extremely minimal ) I will have with my sister will be regarding our mothers funeral arrangements, of which I'll attend a service only ! Done D, O, N, E, done . Relief , and breathe.

  • Personal Email
    Personal Email 2 years ago +1

    You are spitting facts!!! Way to go. You are helping so many people out. Keep it up. Hope your channel continues to grow. Much love

  • Mallory Kitten x
    Mallory Kitten x 4 years ago +242

    you’re saving me by helping me leave an abusive relationship with a narcissist. Thankyou so much.

  • Kat Has Faith
    Kat Has Faith 3 years ago +2

    Another excellent video Stephanie! Thanks so very much for all you do to help us find our way to that self love and true happiness. You're the best!

  • Musiclove
    Musiclove 2 years ago

    Stephanie thank you so much! You are amazing, breathing love & positive energy into the world. You are a beacon of hope & light & I’m grateful for another one of your brilliant videos teaching self-love & helping me to trust my intuition. I’d love to see a video/ hear your thoughts about forgiving oneself for staying w/ a narcissistic relationship, about how to follow one’s dreams, I.e. how to know if they’re too big to ever be real. I don’t want to fool myself yet I’m feeling stagnant because I am afraid to reach for the stars after being told my whole life by most people close to me that it is impossible, there is too much competition, I am not being realistic etc.
    Also. It would be great to hear your thoughts about how to enter the job market after taking a break & how to put this on a resume so I can move forward again. It is inspiring to see you shine after you’ve been through abusive relationships yourself. You give me hope. Love & Light & Thank you! ♥️

  • Bekki
    Bekki 3 years ago

    Thanks so much for these videos Stephanie! I really relate to them and the way you explain these inner workings is clear and understandable. I resonate with it 100%. I agree that you can't change someone and it's not your job. I feel so strongly about that and I don't think a lot of people understand that concept. It feels very true for me. The problem for me is once I finally decided to free myself of the cycle I was in with my marriage his ego has told him I should be punished for my decision. very difficult to get off one cycle and into a new version of it! Frustrating and annoying! Your videos help! Thank you

  • بنده خدا
    بنده خدا 2 years ago +5

    This is really amazing to know and to face it. Its highly appreciated the efforts you put for awareness and everything.

  • Michelle Armstrong
    Michelle Armstrong 4 months ago

    I believe everything happens for a reason and me hearing this video has definitely impacted me. I’m currently in a relationship that is emotionally and physically abusive. I now have a tool bag to help me deal with this person. I’m hoping with enough follow through on boundaries and self care this person will eventually leave.

  • Kathryn Willette
    Kathryn Willette Year ago +1

    Thank you. I’m just learning all these “buzzwords” that give labels to things I’ve known. It helps to name them so I can identify the different types of abuse.

    • James Armstrong
      James Armstrong 7 months ago

      Kathryn Willette,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....

  • mária rerková
    mária rerková 3 years ago +1

    Thank you from all my heart for your priceless advices. I've been living in a toxic environment, because of my sister and all her family. And after listening to your videos I realized that my mum's behaviour is toxic too. She loves me a lot, but her behaviour sometimes hurts me a lot. I live with my mum, as I take care of her and my sister and her family are our neighbors. :( I suffer from depression and anxiety. So I attend a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I've been struggling with beeing abuse and bullying nearly all my life. That's why I love your videos, they learning me a lot. ❤️

  • Moringa Oleifera
    Moringa Oleifera 11 months ago +2

    Don't change nobody ..when you see crazy coming, cross the street. Thank you, very helpful 🙏!

  • Lady Bug
    Lady Bug 2 years ago +2

    The part about not revealing any information about your life but instead turn the questions on the narcissus is a bad idea. Any engagement in conversation with an abuser give them the chance to throw hurtful daggers. Best thing to do is walk off as soon as they try to start a conversation. Disengage!!!!

  • Dr. Akai
    Dr. Akai 9 months ago +1

    This is so awesome!!! I like that you said to love yourself more and distance yourself from the environment that is not good for you. Cutting someone out that you have emotionally invested in is hard, but it's what's best for your health.

  • Diane Sandoval
    Diane Sandoval Year ago +4

    The first step, thank you, finding inner peace and a healing journey from all the damages.

  • Faith SG
    Faith SG 2 years ago +3

    ~hold on to yourself and self love~ Thank you for your effort and words that help. They resonate.

  • Tony Garcia
    Tony Garcia 10 months ago

    Stephanie, you are a "God sent blessing to me". Men are also victims of NPDA. I've been through hell for over 40 years.
    Thank you!

  • Lauren Pollitt
    Lauren Pollitt 3 years ago +1

    Thank you so much. This is validating exactly what I was saying to someone today.

  • Barbara Cavanaugh
    Barbara Cavanaugh 3 years ago +2

    Another very helpful delivery, Stephanie! “Thank you” “very” much!!

  • SuperMichelleDJ
    SuperMichelleDJ 2 years ago

    Thank you! I needed to hear this. I have an abusive alcoholic neighbour so I'll be using this advice to deal with them.

  • Mr. Robles
    Mr. Robles Year ago +4

    Had to come back and rewatch this video. I needed the reminder. I would feel soost and alone without advice like this. Thank you

  • Mikey
    Mikey Year ago

    I needed to hear this. I finally let go of someone who was disrespectful and didn't value me. Thank you

  • KaYsEa24
    KaYsEa24 11 months ago

    I finally took the step to get out last night. I have bruises on me and I'm emotionally broken. But my well being was at stake and by default my child's. He's been contacting me all day. But I set my boundaries and I'm in a safe environment. You're videos are helping me through this difficult time.

  • Isabelle Thomas
    Isabelle Thomas 2 years ago +1

    They said “you choose your friends, not your family...” but either ways, if you cannot have solid boundaries about yourself there is not a choice at the first place I guess.... great videos, thank you!

  • gardengirlnc
    gardengirlnc 4 years ago +33

    This video contains so much helpful information. Thank you! It is exhausting dealing with toxic people. Although it may feel awkward at first, it feels wonderful when you walk away and no longer have to deal with the dynamic they create.

  • صبرا جميل
    صبرا جميل 3 years ago +2

    Abuse is real. I was always abused during my chikdhood and especially teenage years. Everybody including my mother used to psychologically abuse me showing different reasons. ‘I am ugly because I have pimples’, ‘I dont follow my mom exactly as the way she wants, because I like different things than she does’, ‘My skin color and hair color doesnt match the beauty standards of society I lived’, ‘I am too proud of myself’, ‘I am egoist’, ‘I am independent ‘ All these reasons which actually made me different than others in a good way were the reasons I was blamed for. My mistakes were never forgotten, I was always ashamed. And always felt like I was not loved.
    Though, I became stronger every day.
    Built up more confidence and leanrt to say ‘fuck it’ and ‘fuck off’ to everything and everyone that makes me feel bad.
    I think we shouldn’t let the abuser know what is painful for us. Never show ur reaction. But go and report the person or do the job. But never show ur mental reaction to the abuser because that is when he/she does more next time.
    For family, I tell right away that I dont feel good, but I am thinking to learn ti ignore them and make them feel left without my attention while abuse occurs. Because I cant be rude to my family.
    To people, I learnt how to ignore them while abuse occurs in messages. I read and forget about it.
    But whike face to face, I am still working on my reaction. I do react. When I respect everyone and see someone sadistically trying to annoy me and abuse me, I get really get mad. 😡 😠
    That even makes me cry after I come home. I have a lot to work on.
    I have seen this insecure man in life that literally dragged me into depression for a year. I lived a long time with unreasonable sadness. He was insecure, and he literally blamed me as well. And he knows all the things, he knows he is wrong but still, he tries to blame others to clean himself. I wish I wasn’t that emotional and left the place right away. I am still trying to clean my soul and whole system from the toxins of those 6 months.
    People don’t get it while you wish them good. They put you in a dirt for no fucking reason.

  • shortstop789
    shortstop789 2 years ago

    I had to learn all of this after being with someone for so long that did all this. Glad that I'm learning all this now and that were no longer talking to each other. I couldn't change her and I'm ok with being away from such a toxic person from my life.