How being heartbroken was the best thing to ever happen to me: Emma Gibbs at TEDxSouthBankWomen

  • Опубликовано: 7 янв 2013
  • Emma Gibbs is a writer, producer, organiser and storyteller.From dystopian futures and undersea adventures to marriage equality and other matters of the heart, Emma's passion is to tell truly great stories across all platforms.
    In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Комментарии • 777

  • Jeanette Perez
    Jeanette Perez 3 дня назад

    I watched this 3 years ago while experiencing my 1st heartbreak. rewatching this today, and while still hurting, i realize how long I've come. thank you, emma, for opening your heart to us. hugs from the states. how i wish to have a coffee and give you a big 'thank you' hug. i wish you much joy in your journey.

  • T. C.
    T. C. 4 дня назад

    My heartbreak is from the male perspective. My (now ex) wife and I have two beautiful sons together and I was planning on us being together forever, someday enjoying grandchildren and a comfortable retirement (we'd saved and invested responsibly together for 15+ years). Much like the speaker here, she is extremely beautiful, and I loved her deeply.
    I kept in shape for her, I supported her career, even though it required her to travel a lot (and this was while I was balancing a demanding, lucrative career of my own and two young sons), did all the little things like hugs, back rubs, foot rubs, told her daily how much I loved her and how lucky I felt to have such a beautiful woman as my wife. About year 11-12, I could tell something was not right as she slowly became more and more closed off. Well, long story short, one day she approached me with the words so many married men are hearing these days, "I'm not happy and I want a divorce." I asked her to please let's try couples counseling and she obliged, but I could tell the entire time (about 4-5 months total), her heart wasn't really in it, so we eventually divorced.
    As it turned out, she'd been having an affair for the entire last year of our marriage (aided by the aforementioned work travel). I only found that out afterward because she ended up breaking it off with that guy about a year after our divorce and he, being a narcissistic lunatic--with gov't access to private records--emailed me and her parents a track record of all their torrid emails, travel records and gifts exchanged over the prior 2+ years. I have no idea if there were other affairs prior to that one, but it doesn't really matter at this point.
    If you have no kids with an ex, count yourself lucky because at least you can deal with your heartbreak by walling yourself off from that person and never seeing him/her again. For the kids' sake, I have to maintain a congenial parenting relationship with this woman who broke my heart and took away my dream future. It's easily the most painful thing I've ever had to endure. Five years later it still hurts.

  • N Mee
    N Mee 4 дня назад

    Whoa this is me

  • VidiSensiVici
    VidiSensiVici 5 дней назад

    The meaning of true love is to love or give without expecting anything in return, So if we really love the person that much, then we have to let the person go, and we would feel so free.

  • be. The art of living YOU
    be. The art of living YOU 6 дней назад

    NO ONE defines your self worth but YOU! She still cries when she speaks of the rejection and says you start to question your self worth. Look at this gorgeous, capable, intelligent women letting someone (that for whatever reason is not capable of loving her the way she deserves) set her value. That is the true meat to why heart ache hurts so bad it is the feeling of rejection/lack of self worth. If we could just accept and understand that NO ONE can reject us, that it is our own pain and conditioning that allows rejection to enter our hearts then we could get over this pain. Here is something I wrote on heartache in hopes to help others... (Regarding heartache) why does this bring me pain? It's the rejection. And why do I let someone else define me? If someone in their present state is not capable of accepting my love why does it have to be about me? About my value? Conditioning. That is why. Conditioning from my past, from my experiences, from my beliefs. None of which are truth, none of which I have to accept as truth. My experiences created thoughts that I choose! When I saw how my parents loved each other (not in a healthy manner) I accepted this as how love is. It is not truth only a thought/belief I decided to accept. So stop feeling the pain of rejection and lack of self worth those are only thoughts you are choosing and not truth. You are of value! You are worthy! You do matter! Others lack of love (pain, fear) is not your burden to carry. It is their own path for them to hopefully learn and grow from but not meant for you to internalize. So release this pain, let them go and with them an understanding that we all have our own paths. Be grateful for the lessons your interactions have granted you along the way. May a part of your love stay on in their hearts to give them courage and sustenance on their journeys. May you know that love always starts from within and that is where you will find your true worth, where you will find love truly resides. For until we can love ourselves no one can truly love us because if we are accepting of lack we will never be accepting of love.

  • Rose Known
    Rose Known 14 дней назад

    This gives me hope, finally I came to a realisation I need help 🤕 i was selfish for trying to end my life

  • MysteryCrystal
    MysteryCrystal 23 дня назад +2

    Anyone else experiencing issues with the audio?

  • AliceFrank
    AliceFrank Месяц назад

    Wow, this really hit home. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and she seemed perfect. 7 weeks ago I quit my job and moved halfway around the world to be with her. 1 week ago, I flew back home with a broken heart and I feel lost. We broke up amicably as we could both see that long term fundamental differences meant we wouldn’t work out but it is excruciating to have your expectations and hopes come crashing down around you. Now I’m back to step 1 and for the first time in my life I don’t know where my future is going. I hope things work out for me like they did for her.

  • Andres SanÖrt
    Andres SanÖrt Месяц назад

    U are so strong to shared your experience to the world. Thank U

  • usehername
    usehername Месяц назад +2

    Who did the sound

  • A
    A Месяц назад +2

    Is the audio jacked for anyone else ?

  • rvz77
    rvz77 Месяц назад

    I think that marriage equality is the reason he left.
    Smart man.

  • Fulla Disney
    Fulla Disney Месяц назад

    same to you .

  • Happy Day
    Happy Day Месяц назад

    Oh Nooo my heart is broken again😪I can not live with out love and I won't believe boy again💔ـOh God help me

  • D s
    D s 2 месяца назад

    I know how she feels my wife didn't fight for the marriage and walked away it left my crushed for months once I move I hope it will all start looking up.

  • Jennifer Won
    Jennifer Won 2 месяца назад

    OH MY GOSH. 7:29. ME TOO. OH MY GOSH :o That's what got me out of bed eventually!!

  • Jennifer Won
    Jennifer Won 2 месяца назад

    7:04 oh my dear... I know how that feels. Thank you for sharing your story of empowerment and courage, Emma. I can relate to you so much.

  • [TallGreyMan]
    [TallGreyMan] 2 месяца назад

    Really hate it when these local TED talks don't get their lapel mic sound right. So annoying.

  • Sandra Jardin
    Sandra Jardin 3 месяца назад

    Thank you so much for this video I can feel how painful it is I’ve been betrayed and cheated just one week ago and it really sucks because we love each other so much but it’s not enough for him to fight for me..and watching so much video to make me better I don’t wanna stay broken

  • Jess Monica
    Jess Monica 3 месяца назад

    Wow, I feel that. So you were prepared to leave your home and everything behind to be with him but he wouldn't do the same for you? Doesn't sound like he was worth it anyway. Perhaps the visa situation was fate. Some things are just meant to happen.

  • Juan Jose
    Juan Jose 3 месяца назад

    someone needs to learn proper use of gate in compression

  • Sarah Mallas
    Sarah Mallas 3 месяца назад

    This’s the best talk I’ve ever heard. So great & real

  • Wazzle Workout Tracks
    Wazzle Workout Tracks 3 месяца назад

    Having another person to be a source of your happiness is crazy.

  • John kawabunga
    John kawabunga 3 месяца назад

    I cried throughout all of this!
    This helped me put my life in a different perspective.

  • Ken Chen
    Ken Chen 4 месяца назад

    I wouldn't say heartbroken is the best thing but it can be a good thing. It hurts you but also teaches you to see relationships in a new way. If reconnecting doesn't work,don't try it again. Everyone just needs time to heal.

  • A Layeghi
    A Layeghi 4 месяца назад

    God literally barred her from entering the country to be with her ex.

  • Suresh Sharma
    Suresh Sharma 4 месяца назад

    my 7 year relationship end she cheats with me many time and i always forgive her but in august 2018 i end my relationship because she still cheating with me it hurt it hurt lot and i start rebuilding my life

  • Bien Jarmin
    Bien Jarmin 4 месяца назад

    It is definitely hard when you love a person so much and he can't find time for you because he is too busy with work and yet he tells you he loves you

    • Rally
      Rally 4 месяца назад

      You're really pretty. :-) Just sayin'.

  • phat man
    phat man 4 месяца назад +1

    I got into a relationship on April 6, got out of it on september 17

  • Ceren Sen
    Ceren Sen 5 месяцев назад

    This video is what helped me get through my breakup! Love this and a year later I still watch it every now and then :)

  • Cathy
    Cathy 5 месяцев назад

    Thank you

  • Rose Hand
    Rose Hand 5 месяцев назад

    Try being broken up with by someone you loved more than yourself because they met someone they loved more than you and seing them spend all their time together whereas your partner never found time for you when they were with them:)

  • Bharani Akshay
    Bharani Akshay 5 месяцев назад

    Was i not worth it...?

  • Ruby Parga
    Ruby Parga 5 месяцев назад

    Wow I loved this video. I just broke up with my now ex, and this put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. I was totally lying to myself. I felt like I was screaming inside of myself at times... I'll never ignore my intuition again.

  • Jason CO
    Jason CO 6 месяцев назад

    My gf left me recently, completely blocked me out of her life without saying as to why. I'm still holding out but looks as though shes moved on. I didn't get into university and have lost passion and motivation for the things I used to do. I'm 18 and really confused and actually heartbroken. This video has shared has given me food for thought.

  • Angella Lopez
    Angella Lopez 6 месяцев назад

    I experienced the same thing. im still trying to pick myself up but it is too hard. thanks for a very great talk

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall 6 месяцев назад

    Thank you Emma.

  • Chris Shaw
    Chris Shaw 6 месяцев назад

    Dang this woman & I shared almost identical experiences. Absolutely chilling.

  • Dom
    Dom 6 месяцев назад

    has "doctor's wife 2" been released already? where can i watch it?

  • yellow tulips
    yellow tulips 6 месяцев назад

    Desperately searching for videos that would make me feel better as I cry. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday.

  • Millicent Evans
    Millicent Evans 6 месяцев назад

    This is one of the worse thing ever. Been there girl and i wore the t shirt he is so yesterday because god kept you strong

  • Swapnil Shingade
    Swapnil Shingade 6 месяцев назад

    I have started becoming big fan of this video

  • Melissa Webber
    Melissa Webber 6 месяцев назад

    Thank you

  • lorraine smith
    lorraine smith 7 месяцев назад

    I guess that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger........

    SHAGUFTA AMIN 7 месяцев назад

    U r the true winner my love..😘. Almighty God also loves u so much... Hats off to U 🤗

  • thephilosopherslegacy
    thephilosopherslegacy 7 месяцев назад

    What a strange thing it is to be a human being

  • A New Love Official
    A New Love Official 7 месяцев назад +1

    Being heartbroken was the hardest part of my life, there were sleepless nights and endless tears coming from my eyes without even noticing it. But I'm still lucky because that pain made me become a completely different person. Time is really an absolute healer because I was able to gather the broken pieces of my life and come back stronger than ever.

  • Ja Sam
    Ja Sam 7 месяцев назад

    It's never a good thing...

  • Nina Cheung
    Nina Cheung 8 месяцев назад

    the audio for this video is bad

  • Glam Monster
    Glam Monster 8 месяцев назад

    I’ve broken up with the one I love after a relationship that last 6 years. I’m very depressed. I’m in so much fear. I feel lost, but I’m trying to move on, I put it all in my career. Working hard, improving myself and looking for a university to get my master degree. It’s been less than a week. I feel like I have already achieved something buy just getting up & fighting this.
    I deserve to be happy. I’m not happy at the moment, but I will be, soon..

  • Sonu V
    Sonu V 8 месяцев назад

    This is the best healer I could find for my broken heart because I have 100% relatedness. I tried a lot to be back in country where my ex lives and it failed. My ex neither helped nor empathised , infect he broke up due to small argument that too when I was in depression. I should have realised my self worth but failed. It’s high time now to move on

  • hi notes
    hi notes 8 месяцев назад

    When they don't love you enough to fight for you, it tears at your self-esteem. So true!

  • Larissa Jefferies
    Larissa Jefferies 8 месяцев назад

    the conflict between head and heart fades when you no longer feel for them as only once has anyone made me so cold towards them due to the realisation that someone doesn't care enough to make time for me when they only live 20 minutes away! I feel like this is a harsher version of what i'm going through.

  • Hang Ngo Thuy
    Hang Ngo Thuy 8 месяцев назад

    Thank you for the honest courageous talk.
    It resonates with me as I went through the exact experience: feeling so free and good when I’m supposed to be devastated after the breakup. Instead, the only thing I’m disappointed about was ignoring my own voice and judgment.
    You are amazing and brave for fighting for your plans and for sticking with who you are.

  • Claudine Bongon
    Claudine Bongon 9 месяцев назад +1

    I finally had closure with my ex boyfriend today. He broke my heart after 3 years of being together. He created such an impact to my life which made it so hard to let go. But finally today, I finally did it. To tell you honestly, letting go was more painful than the break up. The pain was so heartwretching but I know this will all turn 360 sooner or later. I decided to accept what happened. I did not forgive him yet, but I did not want to lose a bestfriend. Deep inside the both us wanted to end this in good terms for old times sake.

  • Benazir Heredia
    Benazir Heredia 9 месяцев назад

    Co-dependent people and narcissists attract each other! Both lack self love. Love yourself. Marry yourself. Only then will you truly be able to love someone else.

  • Jules WinnField
    Jules WinnField 9 месяцев назад

    I was broken up with a few days ago and my heart is just broken thanks for this

  • R4BI4
    R4BI4 9 месяцев назад +19

    I watched this because my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I am trying to eat and get out of bed, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying and overthinking. It is hard indeed just like you said, when you love someone that doesn't love you back and doesnt want to fight for the love. Eventhough he hurt me so badly, I still want him back. It's just, everything comes with an ending and so will my heartbreak. But it's hard to believe that's true. Because now it feels like it will never end.

    • Stergios I
      Stergios I 23 дня назад

      Hey its been 8 months as i see, how are you? Are you happy?

    • Carine MB - CarineWithC
      Carine MB - CarineWithC Месяц назад +1

      +ioana b I hope you feel better now. Sending you all my love. x

    • ioana b
      ioana b 2 месяца назад +1

      When did it get better for you? I am still in a fair amount of pain two months after a sudden-not really explained-text message breakup. I started to function again’s all still very painful.

    • R4BI4
      R4BI4 7 месяцев назад +3

      lysette2381 Oh no. I am so sad to hear that. I hope time will heal your pain. Distractions are very important. Try to go out with friends and family. Try to have fun. And someday somehow you will caught yourself on smiling, without him/her :)

    • lysette2381
      lysette2381 7 месяцев назад +1

      I understand and relate so much. I'm going through heartbreak myself. It just takes time. I'm glad you're doing so much better!

  • E H
    E H 9 месяцев назад

    After more than 10 years together, my husband's head got turned. It was like a light switched off. He didn't want to try anymore but he didn't leave right away either and strung me along for a couple more years until he didn't need me at all. Heart wrenching to think you knew this person and trusted this person you married, but in the end you didn't really.

  • Rui Song
    Rui Song 9 месяцев назад

    She's such an intelligent and honest individual and her speech is really inspiring

  • Suspender Manufacturer
    Suspender Manufacturer 9 месяцев назад

    thank you ,very helpful speech

  • Heidy Ramirez
    Heidy Ramirez 10 месяцев назад

    Sorry the comments are at 666 so I have to comment and make it a different number

  • Katie Waity
    Katie Waity 10 месяцев назад +1

    OMG I got my heart broken on April 6 too

  • miguel cadena
    miguel cadena 10 месяцев назад

    So lucky I can't even do that cry or anything I keep it inside

  • A
    A 11 месяцев назад

    She choke up not because of him, but herself. Relieving the pain she went through. I know the feeling.

  • Athanasios Argiroudis
    Athanasios Argiroudis 11 месяцев назад

    I love my ex girlfriend so much.

  • J.Artistry
    J.Artistry 11 месяцев назад


  • Ali Asad
    Ali Asad 11 месяцев назад

    The World always falls in love with a stubborn heart!

  • Brooke Page
    Brooke Page 11 месяцев назад

    The fighting part is where I’m at. My heart is so torn down I’m mentally and emotionally drained and all because a man said he loved me when his fight wasn’t there

  • lyn bisaya
    lyn bisaya 11 месяцев назад

    Why I'm still single? " its bcoz I'm loyal to the man I love for almost two years, but sadly there will never been us" yes I'm a woman I confess my feelings to that person last Nov.2016, were in Saudi and having relationship in our work is not permitted, so I told him as much as possible he ignored me and I thought it was the best idea to hide my feelings but time to time after vacation in Philippines when I'm back at work the feeling is still there, until now we're egnoring each other, BTW he's going vacation this march for his wedding ( sorry for bad english)

  • Marie Savannah
    Marie Savannah 11 месяцев назад +1

    That's why God say love your God with all your heart mind and soul then love others when we dont know how much God loves us we always looking for human love which will fail us we cant expect true love from men who dont know what love is, its only when a man has experience the love of God for himself that he can truly love a women yet when we don't believe that we believe more what our heart feeling feel and the more we goes by feeling instead of our head the more we will get hurt....

  • Alexandra Dicu
    Alexandra Dicu Год назад

    i can relate so much to your story. amazing

  • Libby Autumn
    Libby Autumn Год назад

    I’m completely hopeless in love, I’ve never been completely over my ex boyfriend but now I have no choice. He never respected me or how I felt ( when our relationship ended ) and disregarded every valid feeling I had. He broke me down and made me feel as though I was worthless. I loved him even though he was scared too love me back. I let him back in my life and after a day, he’d forget about me again. However recently he has been everything I wanted, not my boyfriend but just someone too turn too, someone too talk too and be excited too talk too, he was my person, just mine. I gave myself too him and he did something so awful that I can not comprehend, he betrayed me and my trust knowing that my trust had only recently came back...sad thing is..I love him and I love who he is. But he’s not mine too love, and I deserve so much better. Sometimes, I wish I could just fade away, feel nothing the way he does..hope things change soon as I simply can’t go on 💔

  • Dumped Wtf
    Dumped Wtf Год назад +1

    Your gain there loss

  • Sheen Angel
    Sheen Angel Год назад

    Story of my life

  • Maria Pulsoni Cicio
    Maria Pulsoni Cicio Год назад

    Just want to say that I just had a very similar breakup, long distance. My first love didn't want to fight for me and bounced. I also watched Lord Of the Rings right after the breakup, you're not alone Emma! The most beautiful things come out of the toughest moments in our lives, go show your swag and your character, you're a kickass girl!

  • valar
    valar Год назад

    "It doesn't matter what route you take, sooner or later your heart's gonna break." - Van Morrison
    People's hearts can break in all sorts of ways. A relationship can do it, or a personal tragedy, or a psychological crisis. There are lots of ways and all of them can teach you something powerful. IF you have the right tools to learn from it. In our society we have terrible tools for dealing with broken hearts, as we are amazing at everything but working with our minds.

  • Kayla Michelle
    Kayla Michelle Год назад

    7 years in a relationship, and she didn’t want to fight for me when i was fighting for us

  • Maria Jose Rios
    Maria Jose Rios Год назад

    I cannot even begin to explain how much I relate to this and give you thanks for making this video possible. Ms. Gibbs, this is truly moving and I aspire to hopefully one day break out of this shell that “that person who didn’t love me enough” locked me. I know I can do it, as did you but man it’s so hard. Fully dedicating yourself to someone to help them in every way possible and willing to give them all they need right at the palm of their finger tips hurts so much.
    Thank you.

  • Utsav Pathak
    Utsav Pathak Год назад

    It is not about right or wrong.. It is not about who did what.. It is not about who left first.. It is about who keeps coming back to you.. It is about who loves you enough to FIGHT FOR YOU.. NO MATTER WHAT...!!

  • lifewithcassidy
    lifewithcassidy Год назад +2

    It is helping me to know i am not alone.

  • Arjun Sangwan
    Arjun Sangwan Год назад

    Thank you for this! Thank you! ❤️😙

  • Sachin Bedi
    Sachin Bedi Год назад

    Very motivational!

  • Badrinath Chapke
    Badrinath Chapke Год назад

    "Love someone who doesn't love you back...What it means?She is online but not for me....She is chatting but not with me....It kills you from inside...Fake promises,this lier world...Finally nobody loves truly...Everyone loves by observing your smartness & money ...Selfish world....Somebody rightly pointed out that...One day you will realise material things are nothing in the world....

  • Offeri Sade
    Offeri Sade Год назад

    Thank you so much for this Emma

  • Laura Salmeron
    Laura Salmeron Год назад

    Your life story speaks to me.Going through a similar situation.i got to stop lying to my self.Fight over Head & Heart as well.😢❤💔

  • V H
    V H Год назад

    I know exactly what it means when she says it hurts so much when the person refuses to fight for you

  • Virginia Sparkle
    Virginia Sparkle Год назад

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Karolina Wąsowska
    Karolina Wąsowska Год назад

    I love what she says about intuition... I always listen to my intuition and it never failed me.

  • Nayfin
    Nayfin Год назад +1

    I'm planning on suicide at age 18~20. This is because I will have to leave the boy I love and live my own lonely life, which I don't see being anything worth living. I just wished he loved me back :/

    • Trisha Rundle
      Trisha Rundle 2 месяца назад

      How are you now xx

    • Anissa Daily
      Anissa Daily 9 месяцев назад +1

      Championriven sweetie! So much more to live for. Your potential lies in you!!!!!

  • Roma Mohammed
    Roma Mohammed Год назад

    If someone don't love or respect someone just accept it even it's seems hard but truly it's best as you and I have only control over our ownself. Only we love and Respect it's because we want to if others cannot why we don't accept it why ??? Simple things but we each individual just make complicate and worst not accepting it.We cannot force others to love us care for us simple truth we just don't seems to understand.

  • Ryan Barber
    Ryan Barber Год назад

    you had me at Lord of the Rings. :)

  • kayla monroe
    kayla monroe Год назад

    I got my heartbroken its been like 9 months and I’m way better but still not completely over him. I loved him so much (still do) I just don’t trust anyone because I love hard. I wanted it to work out so bad it just wouldn’t. I don’t want to be in love again or have a boyfriend. Im fine because at the end of the day being in a relationship is not guaranteed to last forever. Smh 1 heartbreak is enough

  • Megha Mishra
    Megha Mishra Год назад

    It's really difficult to deal with..when you love someone so much but they don't love you enough to fight for you. I have been dealing with this for quite some time now.

  • Savannah Williams
    Savannah Williams Год назад +1

    I’m here in 2017 4 days out of a 7 year relationship and it has been an emotional roller coaster!

  • Killa Silverback Gorilla
    Killa Silverback Gorilla Год назад

    Sorry, whomever broke her nobbish. She's gorgeous and brilliant....

  • smoralaura
    smoralaura Год назад

    Is the sound messed up on this video?

  • Ashley Hart
    Ashley Hart Год назад +7

    So real! This is helping me.... picking up the last of my stuff at my boyfriend's.

    • Kayla Sheppard
      Kayla Sheppard 7 месяцев назад

      Ashley Hart 6 months later, how are you getting on?

    • Ashley Hart
      Ashley Hart Год назад

      You too! Gotta love TedTalks to get your mind in the right place. Sending love.

    • Kayla Sheppard
      Kayla Sheppard Год назад

      Ashley Hart Hang in there. Just did the same thing last week :(

  • camille mcphail
    camille mcphail Год назад +1

    How heartbreaking, but such a good story to share.

  • Crystal Grose
    Crystal Grose Год назад

    Emma's story has encouraged me so much!