How being heartbroken was the best thing to ever happen to me: Emma Gibbs at TEDxSouthBankWomen

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  • Published on Jan 7, 2013
  • Emma Gibbs is a writer, producer, organiser and storyteller.From dystopian futures and undersea adventures to marriage equality and other matters of the heart, Emma's passion is to tell truly great stories across all platforms.
    In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 834

  • Tanya Roundtree
    Tanya Roundtree Day ago

    I've been lying to myself for so long. I'm so glad things worked out for you! Thanks for the hope!

  • pcherongirl
    pcherongirl 7 days ago

    This hit me hard.

  • laarnie ang
    laarnie ang 21 day ago

    💛💛💛

  • Clear Clear
    Clear Clear 27 days ago +1

    The intermittent love bombing, then pulling away, and confusion creates a dependency much like an addiction. Hormones, chemicals and behavioral conditioning create a dependency. It takes two to tango and until the chain reaction is broken, the codependency will grow. Toxic bond.

  • My name Spelled backwards is Disney

    Heartbreak made lose so much weight. I would eat very little as my appetite goes straight out the window.

  • Lusiana UH
    Lusiana UH Month ago

    He didnt fought me, and it fell apart

  • cryptocoinscafe
    cryptocoinscafe Month ago

    What the heck, a writer!? Why not Sports Illustrated???

  • Deja Mich
    Deja Mich Month ago

    Yes he wouldn't fight for me. All he did was talk and talk and talk about my ex married best friend. And always take her side. I left him because he just didn't care, I was just a convenience for him, as I did everything for him. Its been 2.5 years that I left but I still have minimal contact with him, at the moment I am ghosting him as it is better for me mentally. But his new gf which is my ex best friend, said something about me, which was a lie. I told him as I am quite an honest person that she was lying and man did he get mad, in which my reaction was to laugh at him, then he even got angrier. He said I was a bad person for picking on her and her family, which I decided to not have any contact with as they always encouraged her and him to get together even when he and I were together, why would I remain in contact with them.

  • Mohini dasi
    Mohini dasi Month ago

    😟 dis is Exactly my Experience

  • Reet ks Miss elegance

    But my heart was liein to me ...all that time I was thinking he loves me too but his actions showed me he doesn't..his ego won

  • alexis
    alexis Month ago +1

    7:01 - 7:15 .. I felt the pain in her throat. I felt those words so deep. I felt that so much. It hurts so much..

  • Siva Rajamani
    Siva Rajamani Month ago

    i cried with her...

  • Emily Lopez
    Emily Lopez Month ago

    So much clipping with the sound. Hard to listen!

  • miloni mithani
    miloni mithani Month ago

    Hi Emma. Can I please connect with you on email or another platform ? I really would like to share something and it sbery important as its miserably horrible ! please for once ?

  • Top Notch Home Solutions

    Amen

  • Native Eastender
    Native Eastender 2 months ago

    Such a great talk. When people that are supposed to love you don't even fight for you, it's a clear sign that they just don't love you enough. That means it's not your fault - the relationship was always going to fail because there was not a mutual investment. Realising this is so helpful. I can finally get the closure I need concerning certain relationships. Thank you!

  • Nojood
    Nojood 2 months ago +1

    Marriage is much better than having a relationship outside marriage.
    I think relationships are just a waste of time.
    If women did not give a damn about relationships they will evolve in the scientific field.

  • lloyd dsouza
    lloyd dsouza 2 months ago

    Damn she spoke from her heart 😊 it's painfull when the other half don't correspond to your effort or does not even show signs to try work the realationship ! Good hope you are at a better place Emma Gibbs 💓

  • Kath Irn
    Kath Irn 2 months ago

    will this great things happend to me... :C

  • New York Room Rental
    New York Room Rental 2 months ago

    Great talk Emma! Been there, done that. It's a GIFT that he rejected me. Now I don't even remember what I saw in him in the first place, and am quite disgusted with myself sometimes when I think of certain details. They remind me of MY state of being at the time and is not anything I blame him for. More superficial pointless things in addition are his unpleasant body odor, his untidiness, very bad morning breath - ah well, hygiene was not his strong point - I'm a cleanliness -focused person. These are smaller things, however for me is part of what I place in high value as they reflect much (not everything).

    More important is the character elements. He was otherwise a decent person. But I was not in love with him; just the IDEA of being in love in the midst of incredible loneliness and a deep need for validation as a woman. I didn't fix either at the time. The "heartbreak" opened a big wound, which when healed eventually, became an incredible portal to UNDERSTAND and STAND for my worth as a person. To value another as I would like to be valued, and most importantly - to up my standards, both for myself and for who I should allow in that capacity in my life.

    I thank that heartbreak because I KNOW if it had become a relationship, it wouldn't and couldn't have worked out. We were incredibly incompatible - even as "friends". He had zero intellect, and one of the most boring people you could come across - narrow and self-centered in a way that was pitiful. All this was extremely clear to me the next time I saw him a few years later. He was still the nice guy, but I realized that he was not for me for the best reasons. I have nothing against him at all, and will be forever pleasant when and if I see him next. Also because I am grateful that the universe did not put upon me such a potential disaster in my soul. The heartbreak was the gift I needed to find myself to the next juncture with humility and willingness to understand just how amazing I am by myself.

    When and if the right person walks with me, they will find a particularly happy woman. And I am open for such a person. I am not at all bitter, am DEFINITELY BETTER! Emma, I wish you the same contentment in self, and joy in discovering your self-worth without ANY material crutches. A person's soul is more powerful than the wind, if you let it be!

  • Neil Bhartia
    Neil Bhartia 3 months ago +5

    Being in a breakup is one of the best things that can ever happen to someone. It gives you a moment to reflect on yourself.

  • Renee Quirk
    Renee Quirk 3 months ago

    Fix the audio.

  • Inês Amaro
    Inês Amaro 3 months ago

    My story in a nutshell...

  • Dame Lewis
    Dame Lewis 3 months ago

    This is an excellent talk. I’ve always thought that pain is a great teacher. It’s also the easiest to deny. The reality is that is sits in a corner waiting for any one of us to acknowledge it. Doesn’t matter how long it takes.... it will wait because you GOT to come... and YOU WILL‼️‼️ I’m going to listen to this again a few times because this chick is speaking to me✔️✔️✔️👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽‼️‼️💯💯💯

  • JetDriver1111
    JetDriver1111 4 months ago

    I would have fought for you Emma...It's his loss my dear !!

  • ante mjeda
    ante mjeda 4 months ago

    You are one brave, gentle and beautiful woman

  • phoenix rising
    phoenix rising 4 months ago +1

    Challenges (like "I don't want to fight to have you in my life") are blessings in disguise: you've been spared. Nothing to be sad about.

  • Jeanette Perez
    Jeanette Perez 4 months ago

    I watched this 3 years ago while experiencing my 1st heartbreak. rewatching this today, and while still hurting, i realize how long I've come. thank you, emma, for opening your heart to us. hugs from the states. how i wish to have a coffee and give you a big 'thank you' hug. i wish you much joy in your journey.

  • T. C.
    T. C. 4 months ago +1

    My heartbreak is from the male perspective. My (now ex) wife and I have two beautiful sons together and I was planning on us being together forever, someday enjoying grandchildren and a comfortable retirement (we'd saved and invested responsibly together for 15+ years). Much like the speaker here, she is extremely beautiful, and I loved her deeply.
    I kept in shape for her, I supported her career, even though it required her to travel a lot (and this was while I was balancing a demanding, lucrative career of my own and two young sons), did all the little things like hugs, back rubs, foot rubs, told her daily how much I loved her and how lucky I felt to have such a beautiful woman as my wife. About year 11-12, I could tell something was not right as she slowly became more and more closed off. Well, long story short, one day she approached me with the words so many married men are hearing these days, "I'm not happy and I want a divorce." I asked her to please let's try couples counseling and she obliged, but I could tell the entire time (about 4-5 months total), her heart wasn't really in it, so we eventually divorced.
    As it turned out, she'd been having an affair for the entire last year of our marriage (aided by the aforementioned work travel). I only found that out afterward because she ended up breaking it off with that guy about a year after our divorce and he, being a narcissistic lunatic--with gov't access to private records--emailed me and her parents a track record of all their torrid emails, travel records and gifts exchanged over the prior 2+ years. I have no idea if there were other affairs prior to that one, but it doesn't really matter at this point.
    If you have no kids with an ex, count yourself lucky because at least you can deal with your heartbreak by walling yourself off from that person and never seeing him/her again. For the kids' sake, I have to maintain a congenial parenting relationship with this woman who broke my heart and took away my dream future. It's easily the most painful thing I've ever had to endure. Five years later it still hurts.

    • Chris Schaeffer
      Chris Schaeffer Month ago

      I can relate, although we have kids between us we don't together. I haven't uncovered the affair but me gut tells me so. Her interaction and face have revealed subterfuge. I don't have to know the who why or what for its the same as you. I have walled her off. She isn't nice, cool,loving sweet or all of that and more, like people think. To be able to build an exit strategy over a couple of years w/o regard to your husband, his family and friends is cold calculating narcissism at best and deviant, low down, underhanding socialpathic least.

  • N Mee
    N Mee 4 months ago

    Whoa this is me

  • VidiSensiVici
    VidiSensiVici 4 months ago

    The meaning of true love is to love or give without expecting anything in return, So if we really love the person that much, then we have to let the person go, and we would feel so free.

  • be. The art of living YOU

    NO ONE defines your self worth but YOU! She still cries when she speaks of the rejection and says you start to question your self worth. Look at this gorgeous, capable, intelligent women letting someone (that for whatever reason is not capable of loving her the way she deserves) set her value. That is the true meat to why heart ache hurts so bad it is the feeling of rejection/lack of self worth. If we could just accept and understand that NO ONE can reject us, that it is our own pain and conditioning that allows rejection to enter our hearts then we could get over this pain. Here is something I wrote on heartache in hopes to help others... (Regarding heartache) why does this bring me pain? It's the rejection. And why do I let someone else define me? If someone in their present state is not capable of accepting my love why does it have to be about me? About my value? Conditioning. That is why. Conditioning from my past, from my experiences, from my beliefs. None of which are truth, none of which I have to accept as truth. My experiences created thoughts that I choose! When I saw how my parents loved each other (not in a healthy manner) I accepted this as how love is. It is not truth only a thought/belief I decided to accept. So stop feeling the pain of rejection and lack of self worth those are only thoughts you are choosing and not truth. You are of value! You are worthy! You do matter! Others lack of love (pain, fear) is not your burden to carry. It is their own path for them to hopefully learn and grow from but not meant for you to internalize. So release this pain, let them go and with them an understanding that we all have our own paths. Be grateful for the lessons your interactions have granted you along the way. May a part of your love stay on in their hearts to give them courage and sustenance on their journeys. May you know that love always starts from within and that is where you will find your true worth, where you will find love truly resides. For until we can love ourselves no one can truly love us because if we are accepting of lack we will never be accepting of love.

  • Rose Known
    Rose Known 4 months ago

    This gives me hope, finally I came to a realisation I need help 🤕 i was selfish for trying to end my life

  • Shray
    Shray 4 months ago +3

    Anyone else experiencing issues with the audio?

  • AliceFrank
    AliceFrank 5 months ago

    Wow, this really hit home. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and she seemed perfect. 7 weeks ago I quit my job and moved halfway around the world to be with her. 1 week ago, I flew back home with a broken heart and I feel lost. We broke up amicably as we could both see that long term fundamental differences meant we wouldn’t work out but it is excruciating to have your expectations and hopes come crashing down around you. Now I’m back to step 1 and for the first time in my life I don’t know where my future is going. I hope things work out for me like they did for her.

  • Andres SanÖrt
    Andres SanÖrt 5 months ago

    U are so strong to shared your experience to the world. Thank U

  • usehername
    usehername 5 months ago +2

    Who did the sound

  • rvz77
    rvz77 5 months ago

    I think that marriage equality is the reason he left.
    Smart man.

  • Fulla Disney
    Fulla Disney 5 months ago

    same to you .

  • Happy Day
    Happy Day 5 months ago

    Oh Nooo my heart is broken again😪I can not live with out love and I won't believe boy again💔ـOh God help me

  • D s
    D s 6 months ago

    I know how she feels my wife didn't fight for the marriage and walked away it left my crushed for months once I move I hope it will all start looking up.

  • Jennifer Won
    Jennifer Won 6 months ago

    OH MY GOSH. 7:29. ME TOO. OH MY GOSH :o That's what got me out of bed eventually!!

  • Jennifer Won
    Jennifer Won 6 months ago

    7:04 oh my dear... I know how that feels. Thank you for sharing your story of empowerment and courage, Emma. I can relate to you so much.

  • [TallGreyMan]
    [TallGreyMan] 6 months ago

    Really hate it when these local TED talks don't get their lapel mic sound right. So annoying.

  • Sandra Jardin
    Sandra Jardin 7 months ago

    Thank you so much for this video I can feel how painful it is I’ve been betrayed and cheated just one week ago and it really sucks because we love each other so much but it’s not enough for him to fight for me..and watching so much video to make me better I don’t wanna stay broken

  • Jess Monica
    Jess Monica 7 months ago

    Wow, I feel that. So you were prepared to leave your home and everything behind to be with him but he wouldn't do the same for you? Doesn't sound like he was worth it anyway. Perhaps the visa situation was fate. Some things are just meant to happen.

  • Juan Jose
    Juan Jose 7 months ago

    someone needs to learn proper use of gate in compression

  • Sarah Mallas
    Sarah Mallas 7 months ago

    This’s the best talk I’ve ever heard. So great & real

  • Wazzle Workout Tracks
    Wazzle Workout Tracks 7 months ago +1

    Having another person to be a source of your happiness is crazy.

  • John kawabunga
    John kawabunga 7 months ago

    I cried throughout all of this!
    This helped me put my life in a different perspective.

  • Ken Chen
    Ken Chen 8 months ago

    I wouldn't say heartbroken is the best thing but it can be a good thing. It hurts you but also teaches you to see relationships in a new way. If reconnecting doesn't work,don't try it again. Everyone just needs time to heal.

  • A Layeghi
    A Layeghi 8 months ago

    God literally barred her from entering the country to be with her ex.

  • Suresh Sharma
    Suresh Sharma 8 months ago

    my 7 year relationship end she cheats with me many time and i always forgive her but in august 2018 i end my relationship because she still cheating with me it hurt it hurt lot and i start rebuilding my life

  • Bien Jarmin
    Bien Jarmin 9 months ago

    It is definitely hard when you love a person so much and he can't find time for you because he is too busy with work and yet he tells you he loves you

  • phat man
    phat man 9 months ago +1

    I got into a relationship on April 6, got out of it on september 17

  • Ceren Sen
    Ceren Sen 9 months ago

    This video is what helped me get through my breakup! Love this and a year later I still watch it every now and then :)

  • Cathy
    Cathy 9 months ago

    Thank you

  • Rose Hand
    Rose Hand 9 months ago

    Try being broken up with by someone you loved more than yourself because they met someone they loved more than you and seing them spend all their time together whereas your partner never found time for you when they were with them:)

  • Bharani Akshay
    Bharani Akshay 9 months ago

    Was i not worth it...?

  • Ruby Parga
    Ruby Parga 9 months ago

    Wow I loved this video. I just broke up with my now ex, and this put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. I was totally lying to myself. I felt like I was screaming inside of myself at times... I'll never ignore my intuition again.

  • Jason CO
    Jason CO 10 months ago

    My gf left me recently, completely blocked me out of her life without saying as to why. I'm still holding out but looks as though shes moved on. I didn't get into university and have lost passion and motivation for the things I used to do. I'm 18 and really confused and actually heartbroken. This video has shared has given me food for thought.

  • Angella Lopez
    Angella Lopez 10 months ago

    I experienced the same thing. im still trying to pick myself up but it is too hard. thanks for a very great talk

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall 10 months ago

    Thank you Emma.

  • Chris Shaw
    Chris Shaw 10 months ago

    Dang this woman & I shared almost identical experiences. Absolutely chilling.

  • Dom
    Dom 10 months ago

    has "doctor's wife 2" been released already? where can i watch it?

  • yellow tulips
    yellow tulips 10 months ago

    Desperately searching for videos that would make me feel better as I cry. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday.

  • Millicent Evans
    Millicent Evans 10 months ago

    This is one of the worse thing ever. Been there girl and i wore the t shirt he is so yesterday because god kept you strong

  • Swapnil Shingade
    Swapnil Shingade 10 months ago

    I have started becoming big fan of this video

  • Melissa Webber
    Melissa Webber 11 months ago

    Thank you

  • lorraine smith
    lorraine smith 11 months ago

    I guess that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger........

  • SHAGUFTA AMIN
    SHAGUFTA AMIN 11 months ago

    U r the true winner my love..😘. Almighty God also loves u so much... Hats off to U 🤗

  • thephilosopherslegacy
    thephilosopherslegacy 11 months ago +1

    What a strange thing it is to be a human being

  • A New Love Official
    A New Love Official 11 months ago +1

    Being heartbroken was the hardest part of my life, there were sleepless nights and endless tears coming from my eyes without even noticing it. But I'm still lucky because that pain made me become a completely different person. Time is really an absolute healer because I was able to gather the broken pieces of my life and come back stronger than ever.

  • Ja Sam
    Ja Sam Year ago

    It's never a good thing...

  • Nina Cheung
    Nina Cheung Year ago

    the audio for this video is bad

  • Glam Monster
    Glam Monster Year ago

    I’ve broken up with the one I love after a relationship that last 6 years. I’m very depressed. I’m in so much fear. I feel lost, but I’m trying to move on, I put it all in my career. Working hard, improving myself and looking for a university to get my master degree. It’s been less than a week. I feel like I have already achieved something buy just getting up & fighting this.
    I deserve to be happy. I’m not happy at the moment, but I will be, soon..

  • Sonu V
    Sonu V Year ago

    This is the best healer I could find for my broken heart because I have 100% relatedness. I tried a lot to be back in country where my ex lives and it failed. My ex neither helped nor empathised , infect he broke up due to small argument that too when I was in depression. I should have realised my self worth but failed. It’s high time now to move on

  • hi notes
    hi notes Year ago

    When they don't love you enough to fight for you, it tears at your self-esteem. So true!

  • Larissa Jefferies

    the conflict between head and heart fades when you no longer feel for them as only once has anyone made me so cold towards them due to the realisation that someone doesn't care enough to make time for me when they only live 20 minutes away! I feel like this is a harsher version of what i'm going through.

  • Hang Ngo Thuy
    Hang Ngo Thuy Year ago

    Thank you for the honest courageous talk.
    It resonates with me as I went through the exact experience: feeling so free and good when I’m supposed to be devastated after the breakup. Instead, the only thing I’m disappointed about was ignoring my own voice and judgment.
    You are amazing and brave for fighting for your plans and for sticking with who you are.

  • Dindinmoshi Yu
    Dindinmoshi Yu Year ago +5

    I finally had closure with my ex boyfriend today. He broke my heart after 3 years of being together. He created such an impact to my life which made it so hard to let go. But finally today, I finally did it. To tell you honestly, letting go was more painful than the break up. The pain was so heartwretching but I know this will all turn 360 sooner or later. I decided to accept what happened. I did not forgive him yet, but I did not want to lose a bestfriend. Deep inside the both us wanted to end this in good terms for old times sake.

  • Benazir Heredia
    Benazir Heredia Year ago

    Co-dependent people and narcissists attract each other! Both lack self love. Love yourself. Marry yourself. Only then will you truly be able to love someone else.

  • Jules WinnField
    Jules WinnField Year ago

    I was broken up with a few days ago and my heart is just broken thanks for this

  • R4BI4
    R4BI4 Year ago +37

    I watched this because my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I am trying to eat and get out of bed, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying and overthinking. It is hard indeed just like you said, when you love someone that doesn't love you back and doesnt want to fight for the love. Eventhough he hurt me so badly, I still want him back. It's just, everything comes with an ending and so will my heartbreak. But it's hard to believe that's true. Because now it feels like it will never end.

    • Stergios I
      Stergios I 4 months ago

      Hey its been 8 months as i see, how are you? Are you happy?

    • Carine MB - CarineWithC
      Carine MB - CarineWithC 5 months ago

      @ioana b I hope you feel better now. Sending you all my love. x

    • ioana b
      ioana b 6 months ago +2

      When did it get better for you? I am still in a fair amount of pain two months after a sudden-not really explained-text message breakup. I started to function again but...it’s all still very painful.

    • R4BI4
      R4BI4 11 months ago +2

      lysette2381 Oh no. I am so sad to hear that. I hope time will heal your pain. Distractions are very important. Try to go out with friends and family. Try to have fun. And someday somehow you will caught yourself on smiling, without him/her :)

    • lysette2381
      lysette2381 11 months ago

      I understand and relate so much. I'm going through heartbreak myself. It just takes time. I'm glad you're doing so much better!

  • EL F
    EL F Year ago

    After more than 10 years together, my husband's head got turned. It was like a light switched off. He didn't want to try anymore but he didn't leave right away either and strung me along for a couple more years until he didn't need me at all. Heart wrenching to think you knew this person and trusted this person you married, but in the end you didn't really.

  • Rui Song
    Rui Song Year ago

    She's such an intelligent and honest individual and her speech is really inspiring

  • Suspender Manufacturer

    thank you ,very helpful speech

  • Heidy Ramirez
    Heidy Ramirez Year ago

    Sorry the comments are at 666 so I have to comment and make it a different number

  • Katie Waity
    Katie Waity Year ago +1

    OMG I got my heart broken on April 6 too

  • miguel cadena
    miguel cadena Year ago

    So lucky I can't even do that cry or anything I keep it inside

  • A
    A Year ago

    She choke up not because of him, but herself. Relieving the pain she went through. I know the feeling.

  • Athanasios Argiroudis

    I love my ex girlfriend so much.

  • J.Artistry
    J.Artistry Year ago

    🙏🏽

  • Ali Asad
    Ali Asad Year ago

    Awesome!
    The World always falls in love with a stubborn heart!

  • Brooke Page
    Brooke Page Year ago

    The fighting part is where I’m at. My heart is so torn down I’m mentally and emotionally drained and all because a man said he loved me when his fight wasn’t there

  • lyn2 bisaya
    lyn2 bisaya Year ago

    Why I'm still single? " its bcoz I'm loyal to the man I love for almost two years, but sadly there will never been us" yes I'm a woman I confess my feelings to that person last Nov.2016, were in Saudi and having relationship in our work is not permitted, so I told him as much as possible he ignored me and I thought it was the best idea to hide my feelings but time to time after vacation in Philippines when I'm back at work the feeling is still there, until now we're egnoring each other, BTW he's going vacation this march for his wedding ( sorry for bad english)

  • Marie Savannah
    Marie Savannah Year ago +1

    That's why God say love your God with all your heart mind and soul then love others when we dont know how much God loves us we always looking for human love which will fail us we cant expect true love from men who dont know what love is, its only when a man has experience the love of God for himself that he can truly love a women yet when we don't believe that we believe more what our heart feeling feel and the more we goes by feeling instead of our head the more we will get hurt....

  • Alexandra Dicu
    Alexandra Dicu Year ago

    i can relate so much to your story. amazing

  • Libby Autumn
    Libby Autumn Year ago

    I’m completely hopeless in love, I’ve never been completely over my ex boyfriend but now I have no choice. He never respected me or how I felt ( when our relationship ended ) and disregarded every valid feeling I had. He broke me down and made me feel as though I was worthless. I loved him even though he was scared too love me back. I let him back in my life and after a day, he’d forget about me again. However recently he has been everything I wanted, not my boyfriend but just someone too turn too, someone too talk too and be excited too talk too, he was my person, just mine. I gave myself too him and he did something so awful that I can not comprehend, he betrayed me and my trust knowing that my trust had only recently came back...sad thing is..I love him and I love who he is. But he’s not mine too love, and I deserve so much better. Sometimes, I wish I could just fade away, feel nothing the way he does..hope things change soon as I simply can’t go on 💔

  • Dumped Wtf
    Dumped Wtf Year ago +1

    Your gain there loss