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This Animated Christian Movie is Beyond Bad
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- Published on Jan 24, 2022
- Current and I are giving away $5,000! Sign up with my code "TED" and we'll be sending $500 to 10 of you folks www.current.com/ted
In this video I take a look at Joshua and The Promised Land, a movie that has been suggested to me for a while, and I finally decided to take a look at it. It is the most horrifying religious movie I've ever seen.
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Outro: Pls Proceed by Baron Grand 
Comedy
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For all of you concerned about my eyes being red, it was because I had been wearing contacts all day and I had to switch them out, and that whole process of switching them made my eyes red. I was not high. Drugs are a sin. I've never ever done any weed before and there's actually no evidence you could find online that I have done weed. Sorry!
Yeah, there's definitely no evidence of you eating a 400 mg edible
its ok to cry ted, head up king ur crown is falling
well done? 😨
Where do you get that drugs are a sin?
of course of course, that 400mg edible video was just a fake! That footage was 100% not real!
on schlatt's jenga stream the other day i literally heard ted mention that "moses slaughtered people for worshiping a golden calf" and i was so confused bc it was so out of pocket BUT IT MAKES SENSE NOW LMAOO HE STILL HAD THE MOVIE ON HIS MIND
i literally watched schlatts jenga stream to hear that in the wild
@Brayden Hopkins @Shuruff
Nice
@Shuruff904💤 it is a joke of "Schlatt's" channel
I literally paused the vid to read this comment right before the scene Lol
@Shuruff904💤 yeah okay, "Shuruff"
“This ghost is a registered sex offender. Everything this guy has said other than a lesson about God has been sus.”
Ah, so he’s a _priest._ Gotcha.
This is funny but it also hurts lmao
THATS WHAT I SAID I WAS LIKE "HOLY SHIT MAN THATS SOME SEX OFFENDER SHIT WHAT THA FUCK-?!"
That killed me💀
the way i cackled at this oh my god
I just realized that every character in the film was one of Joshua’s toys on the shelf that Chris the Static Angel decided to peek at.
Oh my god Jim Lion is a genius
Deep
Maybe that’s why Chris looked at the toys. He used them as a base to craft the dream Joshua had
now that's good writing
Holy shet you’re right.
You know, one of the best things about Ted is that even at 1.17 MILLION subscribers, he STILL goes through and likes people's different comments. That's just so cool of him, what a super guy. Ted, you're a real super guy.
Expert fisherman right here...
@Ted Nivison See what I mean? A real super guy.
@Get Owmed I believe that is referred to as a joke.
The fact that this movie is legitimately just a one-man project made in a guy’s basement and most likely voiced by people he knows is the part that gets me.
this amazes me and scares me
That makes it a little less bad to me. To be fair, i probably wouldn't do any better
That lion dad is lucky he's in a Christian film, 'cause I'm pretty sure aggression displays like "baring your teeth at a lioness" just earn you a violent ass-kicking in real lion culture
@Patrick Cox
oh no
@Bippster Big Lion is watching
@Th3 Gr33n 3l3ph4nt okay literally none of this matters or is related to what I said at all.
‘Also, who is this tiger character? He is absolutely fucking goated, hes like the John Wick of the bible’
that will FOREVER be one of my favorite Ted quotes
I literally was reading this and he said it as i was reading it. Made it twice as funny
I really like “a rating of 4 pogging Moseses, and 1 angry pharoh.” I don’t know the rating system but it won’t stop me from using it all the time. I’m adding ‘stone-faced Joshua’ and ‘goated tiger’.
Kinda crazy how right he is when he said:
"They died for laws they didnt even knew"
I love how the reason for the people being bad is that they broke laws they never knew about instead of.. y know…
*brutally killing a child*
“He’s like the John Wick of the Bible”
- Ted Nivison, 2022
Time stamp for anyone who wants it - 15:08
i liked the part in the movie where joshua said "where's the land i was promised" and then he got really angry and set fire to an orphanage
@LemmeJust *Schlorp* lmao in a Christian movie too
Yes.
without watching the movie, or the video, i dont know if you are kidding... and that is terrifying
@LemmeJust *Schlorp* no thats against the teachings of the bible
This film has singlehandedly given me such a perplexing feeling inside, my soul feels like its seen something it should not have seen and my brain feels like its obtained a piece of information that may or may not alter my view of life itself.
19:04 As a Christian myself, yes, the Bible does have it's comedic moments. This is about the same thought process as God.
The use of humans on the egyptian art actually makes sense, since there would have also been anthropomorphic bipedal creatures too. theyve just been swapped
I love that when the battle scene started Ted entirely stopped talking about how bad the movie is and just started talking about how cool he thought the battle scene was.
8:50 "Sometimes a no means maybe" is the most predatory thing I've heard all day. Chris for sure ain't right in the head.
@mamzee gakara
Huh that’s strange, could you tell me what you did to get to 7040?
@Ox Hens i just did a google calculator and i got 7040
@AxxL so more than 7040 fans? that's not alot tbh
brings back memories of that one johnny bravo episode where donny osmond tells him that maybe is just a baby you have to nurture until it says yes
@AxxL ?
I’ve accidentally watched this video 3 times now, and every time it somehow surprises me with its insanity. Humorous as ever, Ted. Also this movie is fucking bonkers
The fact my school actually showed us movies like this in my guidance class- I specifically remember one that had this animation quality and a talking pack of cigarettes- just straight up guilt tripping third graders through it
“Not only were they killed by the water pressure falling upon them……
they were also eaten alive by sharks.”
Damn it, Ted. That was so fucking funny.
11:36 "these characters look like they're very recently learning motor skills"
1:55 "our main character joshua is incredibly good at motor skills"
SOMETHINGS NOT ADDING UP TED
I feel at 27:14 the reason they apologized so quickly was they felt the aura of a 44 year old with years of combat experience who killed the literal devil in the body of their 7 year old son. I would too
I mean for real tho
I don’t have a goo comment here I’m just gonna tell you that you have 600 likes
6:10 THE FACT THAT THIS IS A KIDS MOVIE AND THEYRE TEACHING KIDS TO DO THIS PLEASE IM DIEING THIS IS SO FUNNY
this made me re-realize why i’m atheist. thank u ted
same XD Gave me another reason
this feels like the kind of Ted video that is so timeless i thought it was uploaded years ago and have already watched it twice but it was uploaded this week??? what???
I like how Joshua just hit the griddy when chasing a quail like hold up bro im getting sturdy
That sentence gave me as much whiplash as the entire movie
I choked on my breakfast at "This ghost is a registered sex offender!" and very nearly saw God. At least the movie is effective?
@miroxion he almost choked to death on his breakfast due to laughing and almost went to heaven, which is where God is.
@miroxion he was eating the. Heard ted’s joke and almost chocked thus dying and seeing god which he states it’s an effective movie
God says game ending yourself is a sin, so all this movie is is a loophole to legally see god after an early death from choking to death. Bravo, very brave
I started laughing uncontrollably within the first minute of this video.
I watched this completely sober and I feel like this entire movie is equivalent to an edible. Maybe not a 400mg one, but still a decent amount.
So easter is today right? And my family wanted to find a movie to watch, so we found a movie called "easterland" and it's terrible. Absolutly horrendous. My god it's the whole package, animation, voice acting, storytelling. Oh and theres a second one aswell!
I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.
i watched the movie and, for how awful it is, chris' voice actor actually did a pretty good job. props to you chris
7:50 That shit is hilarious, in the actual Bible, the pharaoh was going to let the Jews go, but God intervened and "hardened his heart", literally acting through the pharaoh to keep the Jews imprisoned, and then punished *all of Egypt* because the pharaoh did the thing God literally forced him to do against his will.
Imagine you found a country, make it illegal to kill people, then grab someone's hands and use them to beat someone to death, then as punishment you kill everyone in the town they were the mayor of and burn them at the stake.
Also this film feels like it's the first step in child grooming. Sheesh.
God didn't harden his heart, the thought of God did.
"He's like the John wick of the bible"
My favorite words said ever.
Saberspark’s reanimated version of this movie is by far one of the greatest abominations I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s the perfect amount of people genuinely trying their best, people just shitposting, and furries. And the different interpretations of Chris really top it all off.
“They killed a baby” Joshua says calmly, showing no emotion.
@CodemanCZ probably
If you saw a baby get sacrificed, I guarantee you'd have a thousand yard stare and become completely apathetic too.
@unironicallygae PFFT-
@Bathynymeus yea
@TofuDaTurtle lol
Ah the good old days, when i spent an hour of my life watching this movie that i could never take back
20:05
*So he stood at the entrance to the camp and said, “Whoever is for the Lord, come to me.” And all the Levites rallied to him.*
*Then he said to them, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.’” 28 The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the people died.*
holy cow
The fighting scene of this movie makes me laugh every time
Like there's this random "ololololo" sound in the background and the tiger is kicking everyone's ass.
The idea of a character going through a 40 year long dream as a kid is legitimately a cool cool concept for a film.
I'm 90% sure that the reason this looks so bad is that they spent all of their budget on the destruction physics in the last scene.
im like four minutes in and i'm... pretty sure the house model is the same as who's your daddy
Naw, they spent most of it on weed.
@Sam Bradley 4 yrs? Oof
there is no budget, it was a passion project that took 4 years
Wow, he actually says: "Big Dick Hammer"... unironically as well...
Additionally, by far the most psychotic part of this movie is the music...
Is there any movie that has really shitty animation but like a really good plot and story? If so I really want our lord Nivison to review it
Every Christian movie studio wants what VeggieTales had but they will never get it. VeggieTales was absolutely goated and nothing can compare.
Also, I am a Christian and I have grown up in the church my whole life but honestly ... the Old Testament is so confusing and some of the stories in it are absolutely wild to say the least. May I recommend Elisha and the bears?
Hey man, I’m a huge fan. I love the amount of effort you put into your videos, even though I find you naturally funny without editing. I hate I’m using this video to say this but here way are. Lol keep up the content man, we all love it.
According to my parents, I'm legally obligated to say that this movie rocks!!
Remember, hell is bad, and so is talking bad about this movie!!
this is genuinely the funniest video i’ve watched in a long time
This is the only movie I've ever seen where I think it would be LESS creepy if the animals were anatomically correct.
I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.
your channel is easily my favourite nowadays! Keep the good work Ted, I was having a pretty shit day but as I watched this I could not stop laughing for a second !!! ✌✌✌
As a secular Jewish person, who knows very little about the Bible (all my knowledge comes from school classes), this is probably the most inaccurate representation of the Moses story that I have ever seen
@Simon Blackwell It's a copied comment. Most of these bots do that to look "real"
THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR. I HAVE WATCHED THIS VIDEO MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT. RELEASE ME FROM THIS CURSE, TED. PLEASE. I HAVE 3 ESSAYS DUE, BUT I CANT WORK ON THEM BECAUSE I KEEP WATCHING THIS VIDEO!!!!
I feel like I'm on a "little trip" Trying to understand what's going on in this film
Edit: I think I'm gonna have nightmares
You’ve made it Ted…my grandma now loves your content.
@Greg Newhouse
Momento mori my guy, but what does the Mughal Empire gotta do with this?
@Greg Newhouse I do love history, but this is completely unrelated-
@Greg Newhouse what?
The Mughal Empire was founded by Babur (reigned 1526-1530), a Central Asian ruler who was descended from the Turco-Mongol conqueror Timur (the founder of the Timurid Empire) on his father's side, and from Genghis Khan on his mother's side.[49] Ousted from his ancestral domains in Central Asia, Babur turned to India to satisfy his ambitions.[50] He established himself in Kabul and then pushed steadily southward into India from Afghanistan through the Khyber Pass.[49] Babur's forces defeated Ibrahim Lodhi in Panipat. Before the battle, Babur sought divine favour by abjuring liquor, breaking the wine vessels and pouring the wine down a well. However, by this time Lodhi's empire was already crumbling and it was actually the Mewar Kingdom which was the strongest power of Northern India under capable rule of Rana Sanga. In a decisive battle fought near Agra, Timurid forces of Babur defeated Rajput army of Sanga. The battle was one of the most decisive and historic battle in Indian history as it sealed the fate of Northern India for next two centuries.
@Danny Boy
Are you serious.
I like to think that the purple demon wasn't actually in the original product, its a spirit that possessed this cursed film to try and explain the lunacy of this story.
22:08 "Chris is literally gaslighting a child into performing genocide now"
Sounds like Flowey to me.
Never have heard something more true than that.
as a person who goes to school at a 'Christian school' I got my religious studies teacher to play this in class. he generally loved it. this is also the teacher who explained in many classes in 7th grade on how adultery works.
No matter how many times I watch this it is still funny
Coming from a Christian background, I can tell you that there are more of these sorts of movies, and that they mostly originate from a person or group of people having a desire to make educational Christian content for kids but having a *very* limited budget and also having no idea what they're doing. I haven't seen any that are nearly as bad as this, but Veggietales are not the norm.
The production of VeggieTales is pretty crazy, they were a small indie team pulling some massive hours. One dude literally did nothing but sleep and animate for like a month straight iirc.
@TaxEvader22
321 Penguins placed less emphasis on parodying Bible stories than VeggieTales, focusing on generally good morals such as sharing with others and refraining from excess or jealousy.
There was usually at least one verse read from "the good book" (bible) by the grandma to help guide the kids. This is the main reason it's a "Christian" show.
I remember going to like a Christian summer camp and we’d watch episodes of like a chipmunk and I think he was looking for m&ms or something? Does anyone know this???
Nvm I found it. it’s Cheddar the chipmunk. Everyday we watched one episode of this show for the week long camp
@¡!Juniper¡! (#TECHNOSUPPORT) Sounds to me like it was less the content of VeggieTales and more the context of what it represents in your life that you dislike. It's a great show. Not so much if it's forced upon you in that way, and that goes for just about anything. Sorry that happened.
I feel like I should send this weird movie to all of my friends, just because. I can already see their confusion.
I think the worst part is every event in this "historically accurate movie" is that ever event happens in christian mythology
sometimes i forget that people actually BELIEVE that this shit happened (the biblical version not the Jim Lion version), fucking insanity.
@CodemanCZ and insinuating that i'm in eighth grade is a valid argument? what point are you trying to prove here?
@westley:D Damn bro, looks like I missed one letter. My entire argument is now invalid.
@CodemanCZ you'd wanna know; you clearly haven't passed eighth grade with grammar like that.
How's eight grade going?
Its been over a month. I now understand why chris looked at joshuas toys. He used them to represent some of the people and characters on their "little trip". I believe we can even see the legs of a tiger toy!
Saberspark got his community together to reanimate Joshua and the Promised Land, I highly reccomend watching it!
Lots of biblically accurate angels 😌
@Drink. Some. Water. Could you explain how symbols are for simple minded people?
@The Unepic Gamer No, they're pretty explicit. Angels are divided into categories. Seraphim have six wings with two covering their eyes. Cherubim have four faces, a lion, a human, an eagle and an ox, and some angels appeared like intersecting wheels or men dressed in white. In the Bible, this is taken pretty literally. Angels are supposed to be intimidating to mortals, not gentle and pleasing to the eye.
But perhaps you meant that it's all a nice story designed to teach us morals and isn't actually describing reality, which I would agree with.
as a jew.... I....
Can I get a link?
Omg that was the video I’ve seen due to a comment thanks
I love how disheveled Ted looks in this one. Truly this movie has taken it's toll.
Those Amalekites are actually pretty spot on. They are the people of Amalek, a Biblical giant, and like many Biblical giants are often portrayed as hairy beast-men.
Also, I think Jim here is aware of a theme that God always picks the biggest losers and brings them to power for his glory. Nowhere is this exemplified more than in the Hebrews' repeated inability to follow basic commandments.
The Story of Moses takes place in the 13th century BCE
Swords weren’t invented until 3300 BCE
Chariots weren’t invented until 3000 BCE
War hammers weren’t invented until the 15th century AD
Numerous historical mistakes in that battle scene alone
8:58 if I wasn't trying not to wake people up, I woulda laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life
This movie was dragged from the deep dark depths of hell to teach us a *biblically accurate* story about a lion with emotionally abusive parents
@James Creations it aint any Cristian that reads the Bible every day can spot plenty of inaccuracies and things they glimpsed over
I'm a Cristian and I do not approve of this movie I spotted plenty of not biblically accurate things
@Justin Martin No Justin I assure you.. it is biblically accurate.
Like most of Christianity, most Christians have cherry picked out all the parts they don’t like.
Except that’s it’s not biblically accurate.
now i want to make a horror game in the style of this movie
I actually got the 500$ for signing up with current. I want to let you know you basically paid my rent for me. Thank you 🙏🙏 much love Ted 💕
They should remaster this absolutely phenomenal piece of filmmaking
I have now watched this video four days in a row. Yeah, this is a certified comfort video. Thanks for making me smile, Ted.
Ah yes, Chris. The most important character in the Old Testament.
Finally, People finally appreciate me in the old testament.
you've summoned me
@Leaky Steve the name chris, short for christ/christopher in greek roughly means christ bearer
@Leaky Steve i thought it stood for brian
as a man of the faith… i love that Ted is more biblically accurate than the movie
Love how Ted always gives shoutouts to the people who made similar content
Gotta love how when the angels first arrive it shows one of the demon things get infront of 2 others like it's trying to protect them
The fact that a character in a biblical movie is named Chris, and acts like my uncle makes me lose my faith in humanity.
Ted looking like he’s on the verge of tears truly is the perfect topping on a cake
I'm so glad that you've discovered this masterpiece
i love videos like this, breaking down shitty movies is one of my favorite things.
14:45 I can't be the only one who completely forgot that Chris' name was fucking Chris by this point, right? Please validate me.
I'm so glad the only Christian content I was subjected to as a child was veggie tales and the prince of Egypt and not whatever I just witnessed
veggie tales appreciation
@Throwaway Acc oh my god that song is a work of art
Pls I didn't even know Veggietales was Christian as a child, I just liked it cus *funny dancing vegetables*
@Solger Passion of Christ: Am I a joke to you?
Imagine you’re high on drugs, but you’re a Christian. That’s literally this movie
There's times I come across a youtube video and I say "This is the best video that i've seen" but today I realized that was all a god damn lie after watching this fuckin master piece!
As someone raised into christianity because it's apparently 'natural' for a parent to teach you about their own religion and no other ones, if I was shown this movie as a kid I would stray the farthest I can from God
I love how no one questions that the most blood thirsty warrior has a 7 year old voice
That was a whole emotional trip and also the best transition to a sponsor, 10/10 video
I feel like I’m laugher harder because I am a Christian 😂😂😂 I nearly cried laughing at your commentary.
This film made me fear God. Because if I go to heaven, the intro cinematic would probably be this whole movie.
You should review the 14-minute bonus movie that the movie poster says is included next! It would probably be funny to watch
The lion-parent argument unlocked my memories of that facade game. “tinkering with that car again, trip?”
“its my day off, grace!”
@Copper I think it's time for you to leave. *Pushes you out of the door*
@Copper 😮😠 Okay, I think it's your time to leave.
MCDONALDS NAD YOU
@Copper *stares at you awkwardly for 3 seconds*
*Game crashes*
They sound so eerily similar
me and my friends watched this together about a year ago an i must say your review is stunning
14:06 is the most ridiculous chain of events to ever happen in a film ever
When I went to a Christian school we actually watched a movie very simular to this just on Adam and Eve instead... I don't know how I don't have truma from it but it was really weird and messed up like this movie
Even though I’m a Christian, this is fucking hilarious I was laughing and crying the whole time
Best thing about your channel is that the random ass topics you cover make them really fun to show to new people
fun fact ! this movie was actually made to show you a representation of what ted saw after eating all of those nerd ropes !!
I remember making my friend watch this at a movie night once. Good times..
The happy flute music over the destruction of Jericho was truly a choice someone made. Idk if that choice was made by the actual filmmakers or Ted but either way what a choice