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The Abusive Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships | Idealize, Devalue and Discard | SL Coaching

  • Published on Mar 11, 2019
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Comments • 674

  • ꓭiTe mǝ
    ꓭiTe mǝ 3 years ago +391

    When my relationship with a narcissist ended I felt like somebody cut my brain out, put it in the juicer, pressed start, blended it into a smoothie and poured this pulp back into my scull. That's how I felt. I didn't know or understand anything anymore. I'm so thankful for videos like this, because chances are that without them I would probably still not understand what had happened to me and I would still blame myself for not being good enough.

    • andrew roberts
      andrew roberts 5 months ago +2

      @offthegrid1013 same thing happened to me, and was just like the video Said. She got very nasty, called police, did everything she could to destroy me. Hid money, and came out with more money than I. Even said she was going to keep trying to destroy me and never give up trying. So watch out for recycle from your ex. They can come back 12 years later. Now I am stronger and you will be too. She sees my strength and confidence, and doesn't like it. Because she is fearful herself. Keep going, it does get better. But apply the rules in the video to anyone new.
      She has what she wants, my money, a new supply who she has working outside all the time, etc. But she will become unstuck, and I'll have a happier life
      That's what it's all about.!

    • LaL Singh
      LaL Singh 6 months ago

      I was slapping myself on face since I was unable to understand what is real and unreal

    • JenniferCoolidgeisLife
      JenniferCoolidgeisLife 9 months ago

      So freaking relatable . I hope all your lovely people are doing well and are healing from this pain. You’re so worthy.

    • Meure Souza
      Meure Souza Year ago +1

      I felt the same!

    • Brittany Gray
      Brittany Gray Year ago +1

      Same!!! He did such a good job blaming me for everything

  • Al Thompson
    Al Thompson 3 years ago +253

    This kind of material should be taught to young people before they screw up. It's too late for a lot of people now, but the youngsters need to hear this. You're right on point.

    • Rosalie Sullivan
      Rosalie Sullivan 3 months ago

      I'd like to become a motivational speaker & address this to our youth & young adults.

    • Rose Petals
      Rose Petals Year ago +2

      I was just thinking of that. I wish school starts teaching about this. Too bad it’s too late for me.

    • Ocean Enrique Plariza
      Ocean Enrique Plariza 2 years ago +5

      Learning this now at 27 and making sure I dont become one. Working to becoming a healthy emotional person and taking responsibility for my thoughts.

    • Buzzing Bee
      Buzzing Bee 2 years ago +2

      Yet when you warn new supply they won't listen
      With all the knowledge and internet knowledge they won't research because it's denial because it feels so good . It's a shame.

  • Renata way
    Renata way Year ago +19

    I’m totally going through the devalue and discarding stage and its killing me. I’m kicking myself for staying in this relationship. I knew what it was yet I still didn’t want to believe it💔💔

  • Amal A
    Amal A 3 years ago +136

    Stephanie, on behalf of all those who's lives you're touching, thankyou. God bless.

  • SK Bains
    SK Bains Year ago +17

    When I allowed myself to be discarded for the last time, I knew the relationship was completely over and I began to hold onto myself with ❤️.Dear Ex-lover, 🙏🏽”you forced me to become a better version of myself”

  • Hazel Pruett
    Hazel Pruett 3 years ago +61

    I am completely floored that you nailed my marriage to a tee 😲 I had no idea this was a common and clean cut example of narcissistic abuse. I wish this was taught to me!! This has given me the reassurance that going forward with the separation/divorce despite having our 2 children is absolutely the right thing to do. I knew there was something bigger, stronger and more sinister behind all of this and you have just named that thing for me. I cannot thank you enough.

    • Vanessa Tamayo
      Vanessa Tamayo 2 years ago +1

      Hi Hazel. I am in the same position also with two children. Did you separate and if so any advice as how to?

  • T Bowpin
    T Bowpin 2 years ago +63

    This really pisses me off knowing that someone I KNOW I loved and I thought loved me is like this and would ever try me like this . This is by far some of the saddest shit I’ve ever heard .

    • Tiffany W
      Tiffany W 5 months ago +1

      @Heidi PREACH! After allll the lies it's impossible to have any peace of mind.

    • MoveOn
      MoveOn 8 months ago +3

      I’m going to be honest. I do believe narcissists can love. But their love is toxic because trauma taught them to love this way. Of course, that’s no excuse for how they treat others.

    • Heidi
      Heidi 10 months ago +3

      The aftermath of a narcissistic relationship is no trust

    • Heidi
      Heidi 10 months ago +5

      I’ve experienced😡 being the narcissistic supply, it wrecks mental health

  • Sunshine Dayz
    Sunshine Dayz 3 years ago +23

    Awesome video! This sounds like my relationship for the past 8 years.
    I finally figured out what was happening and decided "no more!"
    I was so confused due to the sneakiness and the cycle of nice and then mean.
    I am learning and growing and know I deserve more.
    I will not settle for bad behavior again.
    I was so happy and energetic in the beginning and periods throughout the relationship, but he drained me of all of that.
    I became sad, depressed and sick. I truly felt like I was just dying inside.
    It has been a month since the break-up and I am gaining strength and becoming my happy self again. Most difficult thing ever was to leave him, but the best decision for my health and well being.

  • Alamada Karatihy
    Alamada Karatihy 11 months ago +4

    I don’t know how I found your channel, but thank God I did. I just came out of this exact scenario and I’ve been-binge watching your videos because for the first time I’m actually getting some clarity, and able to put the emotional roller coaster behind me. You are making me feel like a sane, rational, normal human being again. I haven’t felt like that in about a year now. Thank you.

  • James Egan
    James Egan 3 years ago +49

    This is another excellent video by Stephanie Lyn. I endorse her coaching, she is a one of a kind person who also adds value to the lives of tens of thousands whenever she posts the videos. Lyn has some incredible insights on relationships.

  • marylu7711
    marylu7711 3 years ago +35

    This is soooo spot on! I was with a narcissist for 12 years and I was so depleted in the end, it's taken 3 years to heal...
    And I'm now grateful for the lesson...
    Thank you for this video! Your helping so many people 💜

  • Stefania Stefi
    Stefania Stefi 3 years ago +19

    I agree 100% this should be learnt in school! Relationships functional and disfunctional and all

  • Quotable Moments
    Quotable Moments 3 years ago +29

    I’ve been discarded. When I look back now I see it was just a fantasy. I meant nothing to him. I know that it had nothing to do with me, but I am still hurt

    • Lisa Pierra
      Lisa Pierra 3 months ago

      @Tina T You are SO SMART to have dodged a bullet. You saved yourself a lifetime of heartache and entrenchment! Glad you are doing well now!

    • Tina T
      Tina T Year ago +2

      @Quotable Moments thank you soooo much❤️❤️

    • Quotable Moments
      Quotable Moments Year ago +3

      @Tina T I’ll be praying for you. If I could offer some advice. When you think of him pray for him. And not that he will see you for the beautiful person that you are, but that he will learn to value himself and heal whatever insecurity that he has that causes him to devalue himself by not controlling himself. Forgive him for cheating and disrespecting you. Then forgive yourself for allowing it to go on as long as it did. Journal or vent to a friend that cares to get it all out. If you want someone who loves and respects women( not uses, manipulates and devalues them) that person will come into your life when you are loving yourself

    • Tina T
      Tina T Year ago

      @Quotable Moments I’m so glad you completely healed. I just got out of a 7 year relationship (engaged for 9 months) cus he wouldn’t stop cheating and disrespecting me by talking to random women on social media. I feel free from it and feel better that I’m valuing myself more by walking away since he obviously didn’t value me . But my mind is constantly on him. I just hope it goes away too 😩

    • Quotable Moments
      Quotable Moments Year ago +3

      @Tina T I was with him 4 years... it took almost a year before I started dating again. honestly when I first started dating I was healed but still overcoming the effects. I was completely removed from any emotions after about 2 years

  • Jeff Mcilroy
    Jeff Mcilroy 3 years ago +46

    I’m a guy who seems to be a magnet for narcissist females.. I give up on relationships but your videos definitely help me see some of the narcissist behaviours in my work relationships.. especially those in management. Thank you!

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 5 months ago +1

      They are all over which is why I’m no longer excited in finding a job. I left a toxic job thinking it was for me and my self esteem but it was for God and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is really toxic. It got to the point where I texted and lashed out at him for everything. We are 4 months in and all he’s ever done is mirror me and yet he still continue to put me on a pedestal it gets so old.

    • And Roid
      And Roid Year ago

      I think women are encouraged to treat men as a disposable commodity unfortunately.
      Straight white men are devalued by the culture creators and women are more easily influenced by popular culture.

    • And Roid
      And Roid Year ago

      I'm starting to think that any woman who's life is a mess but is keen for a relationship anyway is a narcissist. These seem to be the only type of women willing to strike up a friendship with me though. Maybe it's possible for me to do better.

    • Vibeke S
      Vibeke S 3 years ago

      I wish you all the best 🙄
      Narcs are poison

    • Susan Ann Brunt
      Susan Ann Brunt 3 years ago +5

      I’m the same, I have a narc magnet on my forehead....same shit just different bucket.
      I think it goes back to our childhood woundings and/or trauma. I now see I was born and bred into the ‘narc kingdom 😢

  • Deborrah Oliveri
    Deborrah Oliveri 3 years ago +38

    Two thumbs up !
    Fantastic video! So validating to my experience. I went through a narcisstic relationship step by step with ex even marriage to be thrown away like trash. I even moved out of state to be with him leaving family and friends. I never felt as close to or depth of love like I did with him. looking back he did everything " right" grooming me.
    when you speak about the discard stage being painful I will say I've never felt such physical as well as emotional pain before. to have to accept that I was never loved, liked or even really appreciated and valued for the AMAZING woman I AM...broke me.
    I've come a long way. I'm still healing but very focused on myself. finding myself again only now with a much improved, smarter, enlightened me.
    learning so much from videos like yours I can't thank you enough!
    on a side note I haven't been successful in finding a good therapist that understands NPD and narcisstic abuse/trauma. IMO we are in great need. I also agree that signs of narcisstic abuse should be taught in schools.
    I'm looking forward to more of your videos. I'm no youngster. who knew at 50 I would have met and fallen in love with this monster . I'm 67 now and hate that I've lost so many years.
    one word of warning...don't look for love online. my narc found me in a support group! a perfect place for hungry narcisstic wolves !

    • NoPCsHere
      NoPCsHere 3 years ago +2

      Narcs can be found anywhere in any profession. I met my former narc wife at work. She and her narc mother, narc father and GC brother ruined our marriage and left me with all the self esteem of a boiled potato. And it showed. I escaped them a year ago and have met a wonderful woman who treats me with kindness and respect. These videos are invaluable, especially for teenagers/20-somethings.

  • slim jim
    slim jim Year ago +3

    As soon as I set some boundaries and started having discussions about lack of emotional availability we broke up and two days later was with someone else. These people deserve every terrible thing that happens to them.

  • Olivia
    Olivia 3 years ago +76

    Amazing video! You should make videos about abusive friendships and families

    • And Roid
      And Roid Year ago +2

      Yes I think there would be plenty of cases where people are involved with a narcissist as a friend. It's not as big of a disruption as a romantic partner but still leaves a lot of questions and anger

    • Vibeke S
      Vibeke S 3 years ago +2


  • KB
    KB 3 years ago +43

    Thank you so much for making these videos. You're literally helping me save my own life.

    • Scott Neal
      Scott Neal 3 years ago +1

      Hang in there. I am in the same thing. It's been four months now since the break-up, Still hard but no near as bad.

  • Brooke684
    Brooke684 3 years ago +29

    I say that too, Stephanie. We talk about booz, drugs, birth-control, drug addiction, etc, this stuff should absolutely be on billboards. Ox

  • SunnyDayz
    SunnyDayz 2 years ago +3

    Oh my gosh. I am so grateful for you :-) I'm sitting here driving and crying cuz I know that everything that you're saying is true and one day I will heal and get over this and be more aware so I am not in this state, hopefully..... Ever again. Thank you so much, you are so so appreciated.

  • Michele Moore
    Michele Moore 3 years ago +4

    This was probably THE BEST video on this topic I’ve ever watched! Thank you! The ending was so validating for me, because I truly loved him deeply & it was the most painful experience of my life! Thank you for this! And I agree, these concepts/tactics should be discussed in schools ..no one should have to suffer through these people!

  • Kelle Powers
    Kelle Powers 3 years ago +8

    Thank you so much Stephanie. I’m going through a divorce and you have helped me a lot. I wish I knew about behavior disorders years ago. But I do now. Keep up the good work.

  • John H.
    John H. 3 years ago +16

    Thanks for the great coaching video Stephanie. The Narcissist in my life is trying to get back together after the discard. Thanks to your coaching and that of Dr Carter I know what to do. Stick to my boundaries, stick to my plan for a better future. Thanks again.

    • Twitchy Lake
      Twitchy Lake Year ago

      I watch Dr Carter too! He has a very good way of explaining things and getting things across to you and I know I feel I'm learning things everytime I watch his videos. You can never have too much knowledge 👍

  • Lee Lee
    Lee Lee 3 years ago +22

    LOVED this video. SPOT on. I was thankfully discarded and so grateful God answered my prayers and removed him from my life. Hearing this video gives me validation and fills me with hope. Keep them coming!!!!

  • LW On the Rez
    LW On the Rez Year ago +7

    “Narcissistic supply” = attention; adoration; adulation; putting them on a pedestal; admiration; honor; idolization; etc.

  • LibWest
    LibWest 2 years ago +3

    “If you have to ask if you were being abused then, it was abuse”. It felt like a never ending cycle. One minute he’d be fine and the next it felt like I was his verbal punching bag. I almost felt like he had a split personality. All his friends thought he was a standup guy but, behind closed doors he was the devil. The emotional exhaustion, the feeling of never being good enough and the shame. After he was done, I couldn’t even look in the mirror and see myself. I looked vacant, the life was literally sucked out of me. One month no contact

  • Odette
    Odette 3 years ago +9

    Great video Stephanie! Well done. Well on my way to recovery and this all hits the nail precisely on the head. Agree that this stuff needs to be taught in schools! Let's go!

  • Sarah Asare Adjei
    Sarah Asare Adjei 3 years ago +120

    You will never know how much you have helped me. I hope to meet you someday

  • xombiebrainz
    xombiebrainz 3 years ago +3

    This is exactly what I went through it was my first romantic relationship and it hurt terribly, it still hurts tbh. Your videos have really helped me to understand and heal from this experience and I very much appreciate that you put his content out here. I really does help. Thankyou

  • Orlando Ontiveros
    Orlando Ontiveros 3 years ago +6

    It Still amazes me like the first time I read from these personality disorders to hear someone far away in another country, another language, describe exactly the "script" to what's going on in my life. Great video. Thanks a lot. I think it summarizes many of the aspects that keep banging our heads during these relationships, why we got here, and how to finally get out, heal and start a new healthy phase in our lives.

  • Rashid EightTwo
    Rashid EightTwo 2 years ago +8

    Im a guy and I never in a million years thought I would be in this type of relationship she has torn my heart to pieces

  • NKN E.
    NKN E. 3 years ago +6

    Yes. Truth. It took being discarded for me to get help. I am codependent person. Unresolved childhood trauma. I am extremely loyal. He knew I would have NEVER left. It wasn't until I was thrown away, until I decided to stop and take a long hard look at myself, and my choices. I am now divorced and having to parallel parent with him.
    On the day I was served with divorce papers, he said to me: " if in 2 weeks you see me with someone else, don't want you to think I was cheating on you."
    Sure enough, he introduced our 5 year old to his new younger girlfriend just 4 weeks later.
    We were together 6 years, and I was replaced in 4 weeks. Now I know why. It still hurts knowing I didn't matter. I was in love with the representative who showed up. I wasn't in love with the man himself.
    So the next time he calls me a
    " piece of garbage " when we exchange our daughter, I will know that I am not who he says I am. He told everyone that I am the reason the marriage failed. He tells the same narrative to everyone we knew: that he left because I was abusive and mean. He says nothing about his part. I am finally starting to get healthy. This video is great. Thank you.

  • Kirstie Giselle
    Kirstie Giselle 3 years ago +1

    I want you to know that I started watching you this morning after I searched emotional abuse and YOU ARE BRIGHT I’ve listened to you all day and you’ve helped me ALREADY. I want to say thank you have an amazing day 💕

  • Brittany Gray
    Brittany Gray Year ago +1

    Thank you so much Stephanie. You’re truly helping me get through this heartbreak.

  • B Wilson
    B Wilson 3 years ago +8

    great education .you have helped me in a 12 year marriage of not understanding these phases and cycles.thank you so much.

  • Lisa S
    Lisa S Year ago +1

    100% it needs to be taught in schools! I survived 21 years marrying young to a narc, I wish i had known this. Heartfelt thanks Stephanie you present this so v well! God bless you.

  • Michelle Neal
    Michelle Neal 2 years ago +2

    You’ve just explained the past 6 years of my life 🙈 thank you for making this video. I value your advice and help. God bless you x

  • Brad McEwen
    Brad McEwen 3 years ago +30

    Play by play, blow by blow still after 2 years is remembered well. The saving grace is the first narc....outs the rest. A superbly well done clip.

    • Joy Williams
      Joy Williams 2 years ago +2

      Wow i just relived every thing she said!!It is Damn so hard to comprehend and believe i meant nothing to him. I have been discarded for 3 years he only tried once to say anything he sent me Happy Thanksgiving greeting...I didn't respond. Just seeing that horrified me like i was watching a horror movie!! That the affect he had on me.. I gave him all of me. And although when i think about it. He showed me no commitment ever In those 6 years.!! I have been forever changed. I knew nothing of a Narssassist when i was with him. But when i watch these video's Im saddened that there are evil people like that out here preying on people. I left a relationship to be with him. But he would always tell me that i was still in love with the other guy. When i clearly told him it was him i wanted to be with!! It just All makes sense and I'm so grateful that I've found out wat i was dealing with! God Bless the people who are out her talking and giving much needed information!!!! Kuddos to U!!

  • Lea Campbell
    Lea Campbell 2 years ago +2

    Stephanie, it’s scary how accurate this is.
    It’s scary for someone else to describe IN DETAIL what my marriage exactly was.
    I’m sharing on social to make others aware that may not know they are in this situation...like I was. Thank you 💙

  • bksusmc
    bksusmc 3 years ago +5

    Excellent video! Semper Fi! Do or die! Was my engrained Marine Corps moto, it almost killed me. LOL. 23 years then she discarded me. So happy to have my life back. Yes, still healing those childhood wounds. I really like the self parenting concept also

  • Erica
    Erica 2 years ago +2

    I’m so grateful for your videos. I’m struggling tonight but you helped me so much. I’m going on a month since I left. ❤️

  • Jazzmin Rios
    Jazzmin Rios Year ago +1

    Thank you so much. My whole life I been dealing with these abuse and I’m so empowered now. My confidence is so much higher now. Thank you for the knowledge

  • brittney gilliland
    brittney gilliland 2 years ago +1

    Man she said some of the thoughts I was saying to myself that made me stay in an abusive relationship. My eyes are opened now

  • Danielle Carroll
    Danielle Carroll 3 years ago +7

    This is absolutely spot on! Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

  • Sana Abidi
    Sana Abidi 2 years ago +1

    You're truly an angel. I just found strength to end my relationship and this is exactly what my situation is. Thank you for guidance! Please make more videos on this. Loved it! 😍

  • Bernese Muir
    Bernese Muir 3 years ago +12

    Thank you for this video i am going through total heart break 😔 everythg u said is helping me come to terms with it all cant thank you enough xx

  • Mel
    Mel 2 years ago +1

    I am so glad I came across this today. This message is so relevant to me and what I am going through. So insightful and helpfull. Love your videos and ur inspiring words of wisdom. They really help me see clearly and know it will get better.

  • Jessica
    Jessica 2 years ago +1

    Thank you so much for this video! Narcissistic people are extremely dangerous and you're absolutely right: this stuff needs to be taught in high school.

  • Nana T
    Nana T Year ago +1

    Thank you. I cried so much.... you helped me see what I went through, you basically narrated it ! I have been so badly hurt that I was continuously stuck in the loop thinking what is wrong with me, why me ? Thank you for comforting me 🙏

  • Ashley Ware
    Ashley Ware Year ago +1

    I literally have been through this and you are spot on!! Now once I see the red flags 🚩 in the beginning. (The love bombing and all the overt infatuation 🙄) my antennas go up and I start to distance myself or not get emotionally attached.

  • Greg Viner
    Greg Viner 3 years ago +11

    Another excellent video. Thank you. I’m amazed at how spot on you are. I’d like to know if the narcissist thinks they’re being underhanded while winning someone over or if their behaviour is their nature? Are they aware at the time that they’re working their partner or does each phase have a trigger and response to them so they are acting in what seems normal to them? Your descriptions are so accurate that it’s like you were given access to a narcissist’s blueprint! Since so many narcissists act so similarly I wonder if it’s simply encoded within them? All cats act like cats and dogs act like dogs without being taught how. They just are what they are. The narcissistic behaviour is so perplexing to me and your videos have been so helpful.

    • Lisa Pierra
      Lisa Pierra 3 months ago

      @Jo What made you finally leave?

    • Jo
      Jo 3 years ago +6

      Greg Viner in my own experience of a 15 year marriage to a Narcissist, he did not seem to be working me. He had no insight into his behavior at all. It’s as if he was hard-wired to Idealize and then devalue once we were married. I was his third wife and I later found out that his prior marriages had similar paths and a fourth is in the works. Luckily I finally woke up and discarded him, at which point he had a total collapse and it was very frightening! Still, he could not understand why I was divorcing him after many abusive years. He simply seems incapable of assuming any responsibility.

    RATLOVIN900 3 years ago +2

    Thank you so much for another great video. Having been through all of that and still suffering really gives me some of the validation I'm desperately needing right now. Thank you for giving a bit of hope in a really dark place

  • Gothic Dolly
    Gothic Dolly Year ago +2

    What about when after the lovebombing phase in the beginning, they lie about "being the person you need them to be", you hold them accountable and have boundaries and they discard you? This happened within a month.

  • Lauren Ann
    Lauren Ann 3 years ago +5

    I think the 5 people that gave this video a thumbs down are probably narcissistic. This was excellent. A lot of wisdom!

    • NoPCsHere
      NoPCsHere 3 years ago

      I bet they are narcissistic parents/former spouses of some of us commenting here.

    UMINEMEME 2 years ago +2

    Omg, I just went through this. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Now it’s time to move forward and figure out how to be whole again. Thank you

  • ScoutSniper14
    ScoutSniper14 Year ago +1

    wow! A clear explanation of my last relationship perfectly! I wish i would of seen this before. Great video.

  • Dan Glenn
    Dan Glenn Year ago +3

    OMG I was just discarded for the third time and wished I had seen this information before hand. I could’ve saved me so much pain and grief.
    YOU are a godsend and you explained everything so accurately and I experienced all those things firsthand, they are so painful to go through, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel through understanding ourselves and other emotionally broken people. thank you! thank you! thank you !Stephanie you are awesome👍👍👍

  • Doug G
    Doug G 2 years ago +3

    Two huge thumbs up! You completely understand my pain. I don't talk about it with others, but it upsets me more than I've let on to anyone.

  • *queenizzydeigh*
    *queenizzydeigh* 3 years ago +2

    Thank you for this. I agree, I wish these things were taught in school. I was thinking I wish I had known about as a teenager, it would've saved me from so many bad relationships. It explained how and why I was so hung up on a relationship that I was in over 20 years ago. I couldn't understand what drew me to this person and why I loved him so much but you just described how are relationship was. I think being aware if half the battle and the first step to recovery. I've been praying for so long that my mind would be free of this person. At least now I can have some closure and peace of mind. Thank you.💖

  • Isabel Cee
    Isabel Cee Year ago +1

    Im so glad I found your channel. I never knew about narcistic abuse or gas lighting. This really opened my eyes and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my heart. I don’t feel nervous anymore about going back to dating.

  • Aussiedrifters
    Aussiedrifters Year ago +1

    Thank you Stephanie, I appreciate your work in sharing this information with people. You have helped me understand a lot about my past and I am more hopeful for my future. You are a Gem, keep up the good work.

  • Jorgelina Oliva
    Jorgelina Oliva 2 years ago +1

    Oh my! i hear you and its like you're telling my story! Im trying to get myself out of a relationship with a cover narcissist. wish me the best!

  • Gerrie Charles
    Gerrie Charles 3 years ago +1

    Tears are in my eyes after watching this. My last relationship was 5 years of this and he was supposed to be a man of the most high! I feel duped.

  • Rebounding From Narcissistic Abuse

    Thank you for this! These experiences help you grow. Beyond grateful

  • Stan Lee D. Harold
    Stan Lee D. Harold 7 months ago

    This is way more productive than my 8 weeks of therapy. I spent the entire year questioning myself about someone with a ton of flags. Trying to figure out why I couldn't walk away or forget about them. Flattering and flat out throwing themselves at me. But I couldn't pinpoint what was off.
    This has been my life for the better part of 2021. Thank you so much for releasing my guilt.

  • Hiuching Hung
    Hiuching Hung 2 years ago +1

    The best way to fight against it is self-love. Value & Love yourself. Thank you so much, Stephanie!

    • Hiuching Hung
      Hiuching Hung 2 years ago

      The last one minute was very touching !

  • Kristina Woo
    Kristina Woo 3 years ago +2

    Again, thanks so much for your videos! As someone who is currently getting out of a toxic relationship, it really helps! I was emotionally abused by my ex for years, to the point my self confidence was nearly non-existent. I made him the center of my world. I was so codependent on him.. his happiness was my happiness and it got to be so unhealthy! I took his abuse every single day and he made me feel so small and insignificant in his life. So finally when I decided to leave, I was absolutely devastated. I felt like I had nothing. Just empty. It’s been a few months and every day feels hard, but I do know that I have been working on myself every single day and I’m proud of how much I’ve learned about myself. You are so spot on and you literally describe what I am currently living through. I appreciate your videos more than you know!
    Wishing you all the best :)

  • Britney R
    Britney R 2 years ago +1

    I never comment on videos, but this has got to be one of the best one's I have ever watched. It is exactly what I went through and exactly what I feel.. word for word! I cried a little, I needed that, thank you so much for all that you do.. you are wonderful! Blessings to you and yours!

  • Grace Aure
    Grace Aure 2 years ago +1

    Thank you for making this. It 100% helps validate what I went through and helps me heal from feeling crazy. Your videos have been very insightful and have helped me in my own journey of getting back up and working in myself.

  • Kelsey Manley
    Kelsey Manley 3 years ago +3

    I feel like I can breathe again, thank you. I dont think some of these narcs are bad people. Their trauma is frightening. Some of the worst I have ever heard in my line of work. I feel bad for these people I really do. Its heartbreaking but I've learned not to be a "fixer". Thank you

    • MoveOn
      MoveOn 8 months ago +1

      Yes I think it’s a vicious cycle caused by unprocessed deep wounds and emotions. They can never admit they’re in pain or that they’ve caused pain because it’ll crash their whole world down. It’s scary. I hope a treatment plan like dbt for bpd is developed for these people so they can stop hurting others.

  • alexandra gomez
    alexandra gomez 3 years ago +3

    Hello! I love your videos❤️ Sooooo I always seems to be the most upset when my boyfriend goes out his way for me . I say rude comments about the restaurant or the food or whatever. He breaks up with me I seems to beg for him to say with me . I’m aware of what I’m doing and know it’s not the smartest idea but still do it .... help !

    • John John
      John John 3 years ago

      @alexandra gomez Ok I understand, it seems like a evil spirit of dysfunction is trying to ruin your life in some areas. Only the power of God can cast this evil spirit out of your life, have you accepted Jesus into your life?

    • alexandra gomez
      alexandra gomez 3 years ago

      Narcissist Task Force Strategies Managed By Davon well I only seem to get att from my parent when I was acting up .

    • John John
      John John 3 years ago +1

      Seems like your struggling with self sabotage during good moments, take time to evaluate your life from a child until now to see any patterns of dysfunction that could lead to this type of unhealthy behaviour your experiencing.

  • Sandy Varao
    Sandy Varao 3 years ago +1

    Amazing video girl, like all of your videos. You have been helping me through some extremely tough times. Not out of the woods yet, but your videos give me so much strength! 😘💖💪

    CARLA G 9 months ago +1

    Oh my God, as you explained every phase, I was watching my life on how everything happened and I currently feel like shit. I have just been discarded and oh my god it feels horrible I’m devaluated. I’ve come and go in this relationship for 10 freaking years. I need therapy ASAP I don’t think I can do this by myself 😔😢

  • Inez O.
    Inez O. 3 years ago +10

    I've been dealing with my ex narc for almost 6 months after officially breaking up a 2 1/2 yr relationship. The cycle did not end when our titles did. Every other month he love bombs me, sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I start to hope he will change... always ends in a discard with his hovering back after 3 weeks (on average XD)... at this point though it does still kind of sting because I genuinely loved him, the apparentness of the cycle has desensitized me to taking it personally. I tried to show him this kind of stuff multiple times during his lovebombing phase (oh the hopeful codependent), but was met with gas lighting and a silent treatment until he thinks it's safe to change the subject from personal growth XD He triggers my wounds even after all the work I've done so I have to be EXTREMELY conscious of my thoughts and feelings when he love bombs me, even after all this time. Thank you for videos like this, it helps me forgive both of us which helps take my emotional investment out of him and into myself.

  • Ineta L
    Ineta L 2 years ago +1

    I almost cried listening to the inspiring message at the end 😭 thank you so much, Stephanie ❤️ my ex left me when I was 7 months pregnant living in another country. I had to leave the job and city I loved and move home to have the baby alone. He then blamed me for taking his child away from him (even though he didn't talk to me for 3 weeks after leaving) and now he completely ignores the existence of me or my son. It was the hardest few months of my life. Thank you for acknowledging how badly this type of break up hurts. I started therapy and I'm doing a lot of work on my own. I feel better and more hopeful. Like you said, I already feel like this might be the push to encourage me to build the life of my dreams for me and my son. This video was what I needed today ❤️❤️❤️

  • R Lau
    R Lau Year ago

    It’s amazing when I can watch a new narc video and still learn something new (considering I’ve watched dozens and dozens). This video particularly resonated in all the thoughts and reflections on the relationship after the discard. You’re giving me hope on my path to healing. 💛

  • Toni Reviews
    Toni Reviews 2 years ago +1

    You pretty much destined my marriage spot on! My wife left me/ discarded me a week before Xmas. And what you described was my relationship 100%. Thank you for these videos. They really help in understanding what the hell happened. Thank you

  • Toothless Banana
    Toothless Banana 2 years ago +1

    I started sobbing when you said “it had nothing to do with you”. I blamed myself for months. I watched him move on with someone else while I felt like I was dying on a daily basis. I’ve rewatched this video so many times. I feel strength slowly coming back! I’m worthy and I am good enough!!

  • Keren Ramos
    Keren Ramos 2 years ago +2

    You just described my whole experience, I feel like it's so true that you just feel something off at the beginning, and you save so much time and avoid the unnecessary negative emotions if you just stay true to that feeling and act on it.

    • Jason Albania
      Jason Albania 2 years ago

      Me I have back to back narcissist in my life. First 5 years of my x wife... Cheating lying manipulation, and full of toxic... I almost gave up my life. After two years I tried and trust someone to be in my life again. I forgot the red flag or I just ignored it... Sama shit happened. I don't know what's with me why I always get narc person in my life. Trying to move on again... This time I will give it to God all of this. God bless you

  • Annie Blooms
    Annie Blooms Year ago +1

    Stephanie, I just want to say I am forever indebted to you for helping me out through this most difficult time in my life. Without you sharing your expertise on this topic, I would not have been able to cope on a daily basis. As you said, we are forced to work on ourselves daily because of the very painful experience we've been through... I have understood so much as I keep on listening to you. Thank you, Stephanie!

  • caribbeanQueen
    caribbeanQueen 2 years ago +1

    This is one of your better videos. Everything you said was on point! They beat you down to the ground to feel good about themselves, and then discard you when you're a shell of yourself. This is akin to murder.

  • Abby Walters
    Abby Walters 2 years ago

    I felt like you was talking specially to me about my 2 year relationship that I just got out of 2 months ago.. wow, I didn’t even realize how much of the narcissistic traits he carried. My heart still hurts and aches for him daily but this video helped remind me why I need to stay strong and keep moving on. Thank you ❤️

  • Bonka Hermit aka INTJudge

    Thank you again for another great presentation. They are right on target and I hope that you do not become disenchanted. You are a valuable contributor to the disheartened. Thanks again

  • takeover
    takeover 2 years ago

    Omg you have been giving me the messages that I should have heard months ago. This has been eye opening for me to start really moving on. Thank you so much 😊

  • Monica Utrilla
    Monica Utrilla 3 years ago +1

    Lyn, you are amazing, I thank you hoping that what I am learning with you will give me the opportunity to look for something better, healthier for me. Love you!

  • Sam Shah
    Sam Shah 3 years ago +1

    I would like to say thank you Stephanie Lyn . You are the reason I’m able to live a happy positive life . Love listening to your videos . May god give you reward 🙂

  • Melissa Boller
    Melissa Boller 3 years ago +1

    Awesome video! I can’t thank you enough, made a huge difference in my life!❤️

  • J o
    J o 2 years ago

    This video helped me so much today. I finally discarded, but it was when I was at my lowest point in my life and I could finally admit he was abusive. I knew enough about the cycle of abuse to know, but I had never experienced it to such a degree....or with such malignancy. Thank you so much for what you do!

  • Kremena Kolcheva
    Kremena Kolcheva 3 years ago +1

    Thank you so much for this video. I'm going through this right now (narcissistic husband) and your videos are helping me to get my hope and dignity back. I'd love to see more videos regarding narcissistic abuse and how to get over it and move on with your life. It's really hard to keep your sanity when co-parenting with narcissist and meeting him every day. Thank you so much for your help ♥️ I watch your videos every single day again and again and every time I'm learning something new and going deeper inside my thoughts and feelings. Thank you , thank you, thank you!

  • samantha
    samantha 3 years ago +7

    Your video helped me so much! I'm seeing things now. And I'm raising it's not me. Thank you

  • Robin Powell
    Robin Powell Year ago

    Thank you soooo much! I really agree with you that this should be taught in education. If we were made more aware of this, lives might not be destroyed. I think this should start being taught early too, throughout a person's life.

  • Melissa Hill
    Melissa Hill 3 years ago +1

    I can't even begin to tell you how much this video hit home. I'm at a loss for words.....how empowering! Thank you a million times over.

  • yukineswan
    yukineswan 3 years ago +15

    Thank you for saving my life Stephanie!

  • Kris Vas
    Kris Vas 3 years ago +1

    Thank you for your video! I went through exactly the same way as you described. I'm separated from my husband now and finally I see what happened for years and how much I was manipulated... It feels like a trauma when you first realize that what's going on and you need to make a decision, a huge one...what if I leave this relationship and I'm depending on him, what's going to happen? But I asked myself, how much can I take? Wasn't it enough? It was. I focused on what to do at that moment and worry about the future in the future :) It's been couple of months now I didn't see him. I feel so much better. I feel free. I feel like I've found myself and I'm ready to create something big that'd be beneficial for my future.

  • usmale9112001
    usmale9112001 3 years ago +6

    I went through that. Powerful video!🕊

  • kimberly lusher
    kimberly lusher 5 months ago

    Bless you Stephanie! I lived with this for 20 years until my body literally started shutting down from so much stress and anxiety and then I was discarded quickly. I think when you grow up with a Christian perspective and are taught to just forgive and forgive that the church needs to also teach what abuse & realize in those situations you can forgive but you don't stay! What makes so much sense now is that I was trying to find that person who charmed me in the beginning and never could find him again! I kept excusing all the bad behavior because of his childhood hurts and because I believed the best & that he could be I wonderful person if he would just feel loved and get healed inside... Projecting what I wanted him to and believed he could be. That was ridiculous I couldn't heal his hurts; I was never enough; & in the meantime he destroyed me emotionally. But I'm out and free now, thank God!

  • Jocelyn Ramirez
    Jocelyn Ramirez 3 years ago

    Your videos are literally saving me from my current divorce! Didn’t want to believe he has narcissistic traits but gosh everything you said has been spot on!

  • Amanda Lopez
    Amanda Lopez 3 years ago +1

    I love your videos and perspective on life and appreciate you taking your time to bring clarity to these very difficult subjects. Emotional manipulation, what it looks like and how it happens needs to be discussed and addressed. Thank you again. Working on my recovery and how to keep my mind in a healthy, positive state.

  • Leung Karyee
    Leung Karyee Year ago

    Thank you Stephanie ! I’m
    Still under the healing process, sometimes I just can’t stand with the loneliness and would like to go back to him and compromise on every single rules that he set. as u said, everyday Is different, sometimes I feel better but sometimes not, by watching ur video I have more confident to deal with this situation, I remind myself not to break and give up, thank you so much.

  • Mark Ford
    Mark Ford 7 months ago +1

    I have spent 5 weeks since the discard… completely unable to recognise my ex fiancée. It has been the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed. To see a switch flip in that person is so disorientating to my mental health. This video and explanation was like someone narrating the entire relationship from start to finish. We’re still living together until the house is sold and it’s like living with someone I’ve never met. It’s like she had never spent 3 years with me living together. She’s just switched into this single partying girl the very next day after discarding. I’m totally in shock. The woman I knew would never behave like this. It’s so weird to witness. I’ve been lost for words and I’m usually very logical. This experience has blown me away. Your explanation however has provided me with some closure and clarity. Thank you very much!