What if There's Nothing Wrong With You | Susan Henkels | TEDxSedona

  • Опубликовано: 18 янв 2019
  • We often design our lives around a long list of all the things we believe are wrong with us. The premise of this presentation questions our interpretation of right and wrong and how that interpretation ultimately determines how we decide who we will become as adults, how we choose our important relationships, how we pick our professions, how or if we parent, and what determines the quality of the life we choose. This presentation is a discovery toward what's in the way of having the life you deserve and an easier and more fun way of getting there. You will find ways of releasing judgment and criticism of yourself, begin to consider forgiveness of yourself and others, start making wiser choices, and expand your passion for contribution. Asking the question: What if there's nothing wrong with you?....... can become an ongoing practice for life." usan Munich Henkels. M.S.W is a psychotherapist focused on resolving relationship issues with yourself, your partner, families, family business and organizations. She is committed to clear and honest communication for the best possible outcomes. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and received a Masters’ degree in Social Work from the George Warren Brown School of Social Work, Washington University in St. Louis, MO.
    Susan is also an avid colored pencil artist with a passion for drawing trees and the magic they hold. She has many original drawings in private and public collections and has shown at the Sedona Arts Center and several international and national colored pencil exhibitions.
    Out of listening for over 45 years to thousands of people talking about all that’s wrong with them, she presents today "What If There is Nothing Wrong With You" This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Комментарии • 158

  • Crys S
    Crys S 23 часа назад

    Susan Henkels, I doubt you will ever know how far-reaching and profound the impact of your words will be, how many people may be affected by the people who were affected by you. I do think you've done something that will outlive you. Thank you. - From a psychology student who will never forget what you've said here.

  • Rachael Choi
    Rachael Choi День назад

    thank you. this was a nice little lift in my heart. you are so brave for going on that stage and sharing what you know when you grew up in an environment that taught you otherwise. it not only makes me hopeful that my background doesn’t have to set me up for a predetermined future but also makes me rethink maybe there just isn’t.. anything wrong with anything at all. it really resonated with me when you talked about quitting cigs. i had such a horrible anxiety-filled couple years thinking i needed to stop being so dependent on weed. i kept counting all the reasons why i needed to get a healthier coping mechanism and just all the ways it was ruining my life. this year, i just stopped judging myself for it. i just accepted it as a part of my life that just is and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as i fulfilled promises w myself about showing up to class and checking stuff off my to-do list before letting myself smoke. that changed the game for me. i have the confidence to stop smoking whenever i want bc i no longer have that tremendous anxiety and stress about doing something i’ve been telling myself is a problem. i never realized that’s the kind of attitude i can transfer over to all the other areas of my life. that i don’t have to be so hard on myself all the time. that there really isn’t much wrong with me. that i deserve good things i have now and don’t have yet bc there’s nothing wrong w me. thank you for sharing.

  • tacety247365
    tacety247365 2 дня назад

    I needed this today. Thank you!

  • Charushila Biswas
    Charushila Biswas 3 дня назад

    Love it!

  • S Townsend
    S Townsend 5 дней назад

  • Mark N.
    Mark N. 7 дней назад

    Then god help me.

  • Nicole Paredes
    Nicole Paredes 9 дней назад +1

    Today is my birthday. im on a week vacation and yet im not really happy. I started thinking of all the bad things about me. all the bad things that might happened to me after this or that decision and now im going back home tomorrow and it feels like this vacation just went by like it was nothing. I love the last part "Just for today what if there's nothing wrong with you and live through that possibility". It is indeed a gift. Thank you Susan. I will try to do that and for those who are reading this my light may not be as bright as everyone else but i hope this post will light yours a little more brightly.

  • Meleny95
    Meleny95 9 дней назад

    I love her way of thought and agree with most said, but I feel like she hasn't really answered it. Maybe I approached the title differently.

  • ahmed albedri
    ahmed albedri 9 дней назад

    6 days full of cigarettes 😂😂😂😂, it is tuff.

    • seb
      seb 4 дня назад +1

      that's not what she meant

    • ahmed albedri
      ahmed albedri 9 дней назад

      But good to know this method

  • Theresa L. Dowling
    Theresa L. Dowling 11 дней назад

    Nice one

  • TheBabypowder05
    TheBabypowder05 11 дней назад

    This is so powerful. The greatest truths usually are.

  • damianos melidis
    damianos melidis 12 дней назад

    I have heard first time on Wednesday during my dinner. Somehow, that I cannot explain, made my evening so hopeful.. "my good self, what if there is nothing wrong with you?" ☀❤

  • Gregory Perna
    Gregory Perna 12 дней назад

    Loved it Susan, Thank you for sharing your gifts!

  • seedsofmayasmr
    seedsofmayasmr 12 дней назад

    So there was nothing wrong with your father, then? Oh well, it just was what it was? There's nothing wrong with hurting people? There's nothing wrong with being selfish, abusive, negative, controlling, manipulative, dishonest, violent, criminal? How very freeing.

    • seb
      seb 4 дня назад +1

      you really missed the point

  • Gerolf Schlabe
    Gerolf Schlabe 13 дней назад

    The most important behaviour between people is the respectfully communication independent of the

  • UrbanFoxalicious
    UrbanFoxalicious 13 дней назад

    Wow, this video is an absolute game changer....what a powerful and precious message, and one that every single one of us needs to hear every single day. Love it! Thank you Susan, your message really is a gift 🎁

  • Julie Mobley
    Julie Mobley 13 дней назад

    Hi Susan! I love your idea :-) and I really really love the way you presented it. You spoke bravely in a manner slightly different than most people do their TED talks. You did not speak as if you had a word for word memorized script- you were so present! Nothing wrong with that! Many blessings and many thanks. Well done 👍

  • surlespasdondine
    surlespasdondine 13 дней назад +1

    I was told I was "impossible" as a child. Only now learning there was nothing wrong with me at all.

  • Monica Templin
    Monica Templin 14 дней назад

    Thank you Susan! This is amazing.

  • MPB Brunson
    MPB Brunson 14 дней назад +1

    This is great advice Susan! I believe there is a lot less wrong with us than we think, because at every corner someone is trying to convince us that there is something wrong. Thank you.

  • Tanya Anikeeva
    Tanya Anikeeva 15 дней назад

    Thanks a lot Susan!

  • Briana Del Real
    Briana Del Real 17 дней назад

    8:55 "I was terrified to open my mouth for fear for another round of screaming and harsh punishment. It felt much safer to keep my mouth shut and I lost my voice to need to feel safe." This got me to tears because I used to be this talkative, playful, outing girl. I was the life of the party and made everyone smile. It was my favorite quality of myself, however, I quickly learned that everyone that I cared for hated it. They constantly called me annoying, told me to shut up and when they looked at me, they saw that I see life as a joke and I shouldn't be taken seriously. My own "family and friends" couldn't stand being around me. I felt lonely. I wanted someone else in my life. So what did I do? I asked for a sister. On August 13, 2011, Angela was born. I loved her with all my heart. I cared for her and made sure she was always happy. But, by the time she was four, she saw me the way everyone else did. It's not that I couldn't have a serious or silent moment, I loved those too. No one wanted to be around me on any occasion. My parents will deny it, but it is obvious that Angie (Angela) is their favorite child. My parents would make me clean the house with no reward, but would jump at the chance to give my sister presents for merely breathing. My family calls me names, in various languages. My point being is that I feel that nobody loves me or would miss me if I were gone. Ask you can guess, I went through depression and suicidal thoughts in my life, but I am combating those not with the thought that somebody loves me, but with the thought that I LOVE ME and one day I will leave my old life behind and will be independent so I won't have to face my parents for food, shelter, and money and maybe even one day, I will find someone who loves me for who I am (friend or significant other). I am not fighting for the people who supposedly love me, I am fighting for my own future. I am fighting for a brighter tomorrow.

    • Tanya Anikeeva
      Tanya Anikeeva 15 дней назад

      You are fighting for being yourself!! You are a very nice and happy personality because you can love other people, not everybody experiences this feeling

  • Francisca Gomes
    Francisca Gomes 18 дней назад +1

    Wow. Loved this. Such a kind human.

  • AMG
    AMG 19 дней назад

    The editing of this TedTalk is woeful! This is the worst ever. Not the talk but the editing. Dire!

  • Leeta Dax
    Leeta Dax 19 дней назад

    Me reading the title:
    You're wrong.

  • MiaLens
    MiaLens 20 дней назад

    it's NOT funny! This culture at laughing at things that are dead serious needs to be rethought in my opinion. We have very little awareness I think.

  • Silent Grove
    Silent Grove 20 дней назад +5

    I am enough.

  • Smita Tanna
    Smita Tanna 20 дней назад

    Choice is all

  • lotta järvi
    lotta järvi 20 дней назад

    This made me breathe freely and brought tears into my eyes. Thank you so much

  • Nicky Noel
    Nicky Noel 20 дней назад

    So great to know getting drunk and driving is nothing wrong with that

  • Pil Rosted Christensen
    Pil Rosted Christensen 20 дней назад

    Everything about this is so beautiful

  • nilo
    nilo 20 дней назад

    Doing this simple exercise helped me tremendously today. My performance was being assessed while doing what is for me a super stressful situation, and i felt like i had so much more focus on the task and able to to the best i possibly could do because there was no worry going on about ME and whether this or that aspect of myself is acceptable or not. I could let go of myself for a while (because, you know, maybe there is nothing wrong with me to worry about!) and be more fully present in the moment and the task at hand. Amazing!

  • Mark McCaskie
    Mark McCaskie 20 дней назад +8

    Be yourself everyone else is already taken.
    Look after your inner child. Trust in yourself.

  • Eliina
    Eliina 20 дней назад +3

    A long while ago, I decided to get back to making art. Whenever I couldn't make myself do it, I was taken over by self loathing. One day, I silenced that thought, just temporarily - and bam! I had more energy and inspiration.

  • whatgenderami
    whatgenderami 21 день назад

    is there a transcript available for this TEDTalk?

  • willnicholson18
    willnicholson18 21 день назад

    But i really do have a problem that i need to fix and can't. And i dont want it to be something i just "accept". I can't seem to connect with anyone. I don't have any friends and i don't like being alone. I've tried getting out there but it results in me getting depressed because i have nothing to contribute.
    I am 29 and working a minimum wage job. Studying maths and physics in amongst my work and the gym. I am applying for the apprenticeships i find nearby in Electrical engineering or Electrical installation (which are very few and far between) but i have no experience so i don't get accepted.
    I am trying to save for a car, so i can't afford anything. I have no hobbies.
    Sometimes i think if i had a social life then maybe studying would be easier for me, maybe i could concentrate better and spend longer without becoming restless.

    • Hope Gardner
      Hope Gardner 21 день назад

      Have you seeked counseling? You may have depression or asperger's or something making it hard for you to communicate. Go to a library, read a book. You need a break.
      You are overworking yourself. A lot of people do. Maybe try to journal and relax. That needs to be your priority right now.

  • jfp05
    jfp05 21 день назад

    I didn’t understand the ending. The part where she read the quote and what does it have to do with having a drag queen as a fairy godmother? Please someone explain. Thank you

  • Kawaii but Psycho
    Kawaii but Psycho 21 день назад +2

    What if a man is cheating on her wife and lying to her about it, do you think there is nothing wrong with him?

    • MiSaLiAnW
      MiSaLiAnW 13 дней назад

      does the wife know and does she stay?

  • Kawaii but Psycho
    Kawaii but Psycho 21 день назад +3

    I always want people I can’t have (unavailable men) so there is nothing wrong with that? Even though it probably means I’m gonna die alone.

    • seb
      seb 4 дня назад

      what's wrong with dying alone

  • L catherine
    L catherine 22 дня назад +33

    "What if there is nothing wrong with you?" cried at that thought alone. Cause if thats the case, then I'm so sorry to myself for the ridiculous amount of time I take out of every day nagging myself about the things that may or may not be wrong with me. Time is precious.

  • Stefan Octav
    Stefan Octav 22 дня назад

    Is her book out?

  • GEMMA Didit
    GEMMA Didit 22 дня назад +1

    Fine looking woman... Hey! It is what it is...but it isn't what it was...therefore it is not what it could be. Pick one and go with it. That's my philosophy.

  • Bobby Kennedy
    Bobby Kennedy 22 дня назад +2

    I have a really hard time with her argument. The premise is nice “don’t be so hard on yourself” but she also seems to advocate that it you don’t need to consider how your actions affect others? Like the film director example...how many relationships did he damage?

    • seedsofmayasmr
      seedsofmayasmr 12 дней назад

      +GG T87 it still seems like she's excusing bad behavior.

    • GG T87
      GG T87 21 день назад +1

      I don't think that's what she intends to do here at all. She begins by saying that she's a psychotherapist who has over the years listened to people who are way too hard on themselves.

  • lisa hobbs
    lisa hobbs 22 дня назад

    Great talk

  • Yumn Samman
    Yumn Samman 22 дня назад

    for a sec i thought there's something wrong with me :p wait there's nothing wrong with me for today :D

  • Pat Smallwood
    Pat Smallwood 23 дня назад

    There is nothing wrong with us, we r just who we r . And that ok

  • Min B
    Min B 23 дня назад +1

    "It is what it is." I've been hearing this a lot lately. It has always felt like a cop-out but for my sister, who has fought cancer, it's been her mantra. Even despite that, I've always felt as though I was the one who had something wrong with me. This talk was really confirmation of what I already knew to be true: there's power in positive thinking. If we can invest as much effort into telling ourselves we are ok as we do when we tell ourselves we're not, imagine the things we could do!Puts a new spin on the olde affirmations. If a compulsive smoker can quit by doing this, I've got nothing to worry about. From now on it will be, "there's nothing wrong with you." Thank you for this inspiration.

  • Loveseeking Neverfound
    Loveseeking Neverfound 23 дня назад

    Thank you Susan. 😚

    • tami stone
      tami stone 22 дня назад

      Thank you inspiring !

  • Loveseeking Neverfound
    Loveseeking Neverfound 23 дня назад

    This has been the hardest thing ever. I have only known to be hard on myself. I have said mean horrible things to me. I am working on dissolving that old me.

  • Justin Lane
    Justin Lane 23 дня назад +2

    Very powerful!

  • Kal Account
    Kal Account 24 дня назад


  • Mark A
    Mark A 24 дня назад +1

    Awesome ! Thank you !

  • Tonya Hilman
    Tonya Hilman 24 дня назад +1


  • J Cripps
    J Cripps 24 дня назад

    When I told my last therapist I just wanted to be ‘normal’ and unbroken, she said what is normal anyway and IF it exists it’s overrated. First time I felt OK since childhood. She believed Im sure as this great lady we all have something we’re dealing with and others say they aren’t they’re lying or in denial. So yes, what IF we’re ALL a bit broken and so normal and that’s OK and enough. Focus on what brings us joy, purpose and meaning but it can be seeing the sunset/rise, watching your or others kids laugh, having your spouse make some coffee or put the seat down (or up 😉) etc. Maybe instead of the littany of what’s wrong with us (others voices if your like me) we tell those voices to ‘bite me!’ and that we’re OK just as we are and go and do what we’ve been waiting to ‘until’ (we’re richer, thinner, better etc). Anyway just my view. Great talk! Peace and cheers all in 2019! 👏🥂

  • Zimmejay
    Zimmejay 24 дня назад +14

    My Dad died a week ago today. This talk came to me at the right time. We were heavily abused.
    I have a laundry list of self criticisms, shame, guilt,.....diagnosed with CPTSD
    He was a tough guy to love - but he worked hard to support us. It is very difficult to know how to feel about anything. Thank you for your insight.

    • Meta Ebenism
      Meta Ebenism 4 дня назад +1

      Many parents from old generations did not have a propper education. For example, those who lived the 2 world war suffered a great deal, not only because of abuse and very bad time themselves. They did not know how to raise a child better...

    • Zimmejay
      Zimmejay 13 дней назад

      Watch Me Thrive thanks. Been kinda tough. Your comment means allot to me :)

    • Watch Me Thrive
      Watch Me Thrive 13 дней назад

      🙏🏾 I'm sorry. Sending positive vibes your way.💛💙💛💙💛

    • Main Street Boxer
      Main Street Boxer 24 дня назад +5

      Zimmejay He sounds similar to my Dad. He died in 2004. All I can say is that it is easier to see him as a human now that time has passed and the impact of the violence is more distant. I don't think you can force that. I think it just happens. Time makes it easier to look at the whole person. It doesn't change what he was. It just makes it easier to see a bit more clearly. I don't think that can happen when they are alive. You can't disregard the violence when they are alive. But you can once they can no longer harm you.

  • Lia Fiol-Matta
    Lia Fiol-Matta 24 дня назад +1

    I love this!!

  • Elaine Higgins
    Elaine Higgins 24 дня назад +7

    Doing wrong and being wrong is not one and the same.

  • Kirsty Dee
    Kirsty Dee 24 дня назад +3

    Great Ted Talk, love this woman. Self-forgiveness is so important 💛

  • candan özer
    candan özer 24 дня назад +13

    Being self sabotaging is the most dangerous problem...

  • Kat Rivers
    Kat Rivers 25 дней назад

    I Love that title. What if we could look at what's "so called" wrong with people objectively (or looking for its purpose & lesson) & discover there is actually deep wisdom there in our face bugging us all this time trying to be discovered.

  • Lavender Violet
    Lavender Violet 25 дней назад +14

    3 things:

    1) thank you for this upload.

    2) today I did a hard thing. I had a difficult conversation.

    and my learning from that conversation can be summed up so perfectly in the following quote from ACIM:

    (which just happens to be the very first thing I read when I got home after the conversation!)

    "and so you learned that what seemed hardest was the easiest".

    3) I have an impossible time with forgiveness.

    I can never forgive others. I can never forgive myself.

    so moving forward,

    I'll do my best to be just 10% more forgiving,


  • Light
    Light 25 дней назад +1

    ~~~~~ FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~

  • Maria Colaco
    Maria Colaco 25 дней назад +3

    So what? Has been my mantra. Thought provoking Susan!

  • happy.mess25
    happy.mess25 26 дней назад +4

    I disagree... what's wrong with me is all the hurt and trouble I cause myself by acting the way I do. ADHD makes life hard.

    • surlespasdondine
      surlespasdondine 13 дней назад

      Mel Robbins has ADHD she has videos about it.

    • happy.mess25
      happy.mess25 24 дня назад +3

      +Crazybutnice91 well, yes. you are right!!!

    • happy.mess25
      happy.mess25 24 дня назад +7

      +Main Street Boxer what a lovely and heartwarming answer. thank you so much. you are absolutely right, thank you for reminding me to treat myself better and talk to me nicely. I really hope you can cope with what ever your journey will bring. we need more people like you and I really bet you brought light in those kids lives! 🌻

    • Main Street Boxer
      Main Street Boxer 24 дня назад +9

      happy.mess25 What you describe is difficult, not wrong. You act the way you do because that is the way your brain works. That is a challenge. But again, it is not wrong. My Cerebellum is dying. It means that I have tremors and that my emotions are not as well regulated and it is degenerative so it will only get worse. But there is nothing wrong with my character. I am not wrong. I do understand why you feel wrong though. I see how people look at me. We are social beings so reacting to what people think about us is hardwired. You are smart. So you can overrule instinct. Do you think I am wrong because I have a brain disorder? If you would be empathetic to my situation, use that same empathy when judging yourself. Your brain is different. Embrace the positives that gives you and accept the rest. And before you say I don't understand, I was a behavioral specialist in a school for ADHD kids. I understand the challenges and adored them all. In fact, when I moved to a regular public school, I had a hard time because I thought the supposedly "normal" kids were extremely boring. I'll take a room full of ADHD people any day.

    • Crazybutnice91
      Crazybutnice91 25 дней назад +9

      I'm not saying that its not hard, but doesn't it make it even harder if you judge yourself for having ADHD, which isn't your fault ?

  • Fjolla D
    Fjolla D 26 дней назад +4

    I have anger managment issues, it sucks, because sometimes my anger turns me from this chill kid into a monster. It's like I've got no control over it, that's the only thing that's wrong with me

    • rohith reddy
      rohith reddy 2 дня назад

      You're angry on yourself for some reason.If you dont find the reason then you should discover it.

    • Becky Weaver
      Becky Weaver 23 дня назад

      Fjolla D That’s a big one. You gotta get a handle on it before you lose loved ones.

    • Main Street Boxer
      Main Street Boxer 24 дня назад +6

      Fojolla D Let's rephrase this. You are a chill kid who has some problems with emotion dysregulation. That means that there is something different in your brain. Calling yourself a monster is judging your character, not the fact that you have differences in how your brain processes emotion. That doesn't mean that it is ok to harm people, but it also doesn't mean that you are bad. It just means that you have to find ways to redirect those emotions so they don't harm anyone, including yourself. You may always feel more anger than other people. Handling that may be a challenge. But calling you a monster doesn't solve anything. Try redirecting instead of controlling. What if it was your arm striking out instead of your brain. How would you manage that? For some reason people want to make a malfunctioning brain about character. They don't do that about the rest of the body, so it makes no sense. It is about adaptation, not judgement. Who knows? Maybe with practice you can create new pathways in your brain to help you cope. It take time, but it might be possible.

    • Beeblebrox One
      Beeblebrox One 24 дня назад +4

      Anger is there to show you things like what needs changed in your life. Maybe try to fix the things you get angry about then you might feel better more often? Good luck.

  • Candice Garcia
    Candice Garcia 26 дней назад +2


  • Tori Caldwell
    Tori Caldwell 26 дней назад +1

    Love this talk! 💖
    Where can I find this book?

    KIM JOHNSON 26 дней назад +22

    The most valuable lesson I've learned is that it's okay not to be okay. The second most valuable...So what? Now what?

  • Autumn Meadows
    Autumn Meadows 26 дней назад +2

    I love this talk and what she just told us what she says to herself in the morning.

  • Qossi Ali
    Qossi Ali 26 дней назад +2

    Live Well....Thanx...

  • ohthelovelypoems
    ohthelovelypoems 26 дней назад +7

    Thank you for your presentation, you are not only speaking from a professional viewpoint but from your wise self, which I much appreciate. Am going to incorporate the mirror self-talk into my life cause now I know that's what I need. 🙏

  • Tyler Durden III
    Tyler Durden III 26 дней назад +17

    Dang, i had the same childhood except my father didn't have a stroke. But he's alcoholic af that we kept our mouths shut even when he's sober for fear of being whipped

    • Lina Marcela
      Lina Marcela 22 дня назад +3

      +Tyler Durden III Not at all... is not silly! Just reading the way you talk about your feelings I think it shows your are in a good track to heal yourself! Continue to be a great human, we need them!

    • Tyler Durden III
      Tyler Durden III 23 дня назад +5

      +Lina Marcela Yes thank u very much. I don't drink nor do i find the idea of drinking alcohol any satisfying. And because of my sh*tty childhood, i feel like i have so much love to give should i ever have kids someday but not still on that track. Trying first to heal myself and glue all my pieces back . So emo but my vulnerability is another after- effect of my narcissistic parents. They are so pretentious that i am reversing it by being honest and open to people. Sorry u had to read this long blah blah blah

    • Lina Marcela
      Lina Marcela 23 дня назад +2

      +Tyler Durden III I hope you are fine and were able to break that circle!

    • Tyler Durden III
      Tyler Durden III 24 дня назад +4

      +Zimmejay yes. Healing for these traumas is so hard. Hope you find your peace as I'm trying to find mine

    • Zimmejay
      Zimmejay 24 дня назад +6

      Tyler Durden III me too. We got beat. Always felt like a burden to him

  • Tyler Durden III
    Tyler Durden III 26 дней назад +81

    I wish you a long long life, madam! this world need you badly in these dark times

  • Arjel Demar
    Arjel Demar 27 дней назад +86

    I want a grandma like her.

    • Arjel Demar
      Arjel Demar 14 дней назад +1

      +Katie Kane Wow! Of course there's hope! Your grandson is blessed to have a loving grandma like you. ❤

    • Katie Kane
      Katie Kane 14 дней назад

      +Arjel Demar I'm still growing & learning at 60. Nothing I wouldn't do for my 12 year old grandson. His upbringing is much less stressful than mine or my daughters, there's hope! Peace sister

    • Arjel Demar
      Arjel Demar 14 дней назад +1

      +Katie Kane That's a great idea.

    • Katie Kane
      Katie Kane 14 дней назад +1

      I want to be a grandma like her

  • sheida moosavi
    sheida moosavi 27 дней назад +5

    It’s so on point !

  • Tiff N
    Tiff N 27 дней назад +15

    This was beautiful!!

  • InternetMunchies
    InternetMunchies 28 дней назад +1

    Something is wrong with her..lol

    • GG T87
      GG T87 21 день назад +1

      +Crazybutnice91 Hahaha. Awesome come back

    • Crazybutnice91
      Crazybutnice91 25 дней назад +4

      What if there's nothing wrong with that ? ;)

  • MissWoofieWoo
    MissWoofieWoo 29 дней назад +3

    But what if there is? Like, really?

    • Becky Weaver
      Becky Weaver 23 дня назад

      MissWoofieWoo Leave him. But I hate the thought of u out there homeless in this weather. Where are you?

    • Becky Weaver
      Becky Weaver 23 дня назад +2

      I think she knows there really is. She just proposed that maybe the clients could get “un-stuck” if they stopped making all their diagnoses so important. Like so what?

    • MissWoofieWoo
      MissWoofieWoo 26 дней назад +2

      Mmmm ... currently I'm homeless driven out by a housemate who is psychotic, alcoholic, bipolar sociopath (his avtual diagnoses not my projections) who believes there is NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM.

    • Katherine Sell
      Katherine Sell 26 дней назад +2

      There isn't....REALLY!

  • Jess A.
    Jess A. 29 дней назад +92

    This was a direct hit for me! I've been mentally sabotaging myself all my life. I will try to treat myself better everyday! ❤

  • K.Z3US
    K.Z3US 29 дней назад +7

    I needed to hear this! 😊❤

  • Paul H emmelmann Raimil
    Paul H emmelmann Raimil Месяц назад +13

    What a wonderful woman! I think I should have listened to this a long time ago...

  • Ambi Cahira
    Ambi Cahira Месяц назад +125

    The road to forgive yourself is to set up a rule that you only permit thoughts that are the same kindness and compassion as you would say to a best friend or stranger in your shoes. If it would be considered bullying if you said it to someone else then you don't deserve it either. You can never be happy with a bully living rent free in your head so you need to evict it. Don't treat yourself worse than you treat a stranger.
    This talk was lovely.

    • jen d.
      jen d. 15 дней назад +1

      Ambi I had a revelation recently along these lines. I realized if my greatest enemy called me in need in the middle of the night I would treat them better than I treat myself, I would set aside all of the issues and lend an ear, (if not a hand). I also realized it does not matter where self-esteem issues develop, or who is at fault, or who I would be if I did not have them... I saw that I have to make peace with myself as I am if I am ever going to have peace. All this to say that when "those" thoughts come up now, I hear them for what they are (a habit) and turn my thoughts to the words I would offer anyone else in need. A new, brighter, easier, safer, kinder world is opening up for me. It ALL starts with what we say to ourselves.

    • Ambi Cahira
      Ambi Cahira 20 дней назад +3

      +Winchestah I taught my brain to choose (not control) my thoughts so yes you definitely can. You have a thought you dont want, recognize it and correct it with the thought you do want and this trains your brain, it changes the neuroplasticity to what you do want and strays away from what you dont want. So yes you can choose. You can, with effort, make negative thoughts disappear because eventually the brain shortcuts to the thoughts you are choosing.

    • Winchestah
      Winchestah 21 день назад +1

      You can't permit thoughts. Look into ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. One of the biggest problems and the conventional wisdom we get from pop psychology is that you can control your thoughts. You can't. And it's the struggle in trying to do so that often leads to more suffering.

    • Carol Kewley
      Carol Kewley 22 дня назад +6

      Great advice, Ambi. Btw, Becky, if the negative thoughts still pop up, just keep telling yourself those positive thoughts you would want to hear from a trusted friend. Persistence worked for me.

  • moon shine
    moon shine Месяц назад +37

    The best TED I've ever seen! Thank you so much Susan for realising that there is nothing wrong with you, thank you for forgiving yourself and be free again to talk as you want, thank you for making these knowledge available, thank you for spreading this wonderful message! I am glad you exist and are who you are! Thanks again! Your words made me free again.

    • Stasya
      Stasya 21 день назад +3

      I know right. It’s so freeing and better than “love yourself” quotes. I now totally want to relax and use the method she told us about. Bless her!

  • kimia Jazayeri
    kimia Jazayeri Месяц назад +4

    great speech

  • Maria Makinen
    Maria Makinen Месяц назад +3

    I very much agree. What if...makes sense. There is nothing wrong with me. Not now , not ever. My ex must be a lunatic by now.

    • Kayla Sheppard
      Kayla Sheppard 26 дней назад +2

      But if theres nothing wrong with you, doesnt that mean theres nothing wrong with your ex either?

  • Diego Flores
    Diego Flores Месяц назад +25

    Listen to it at 1.5x

    • Kal Account
      Kal Account 24 дня назад +1

      Thank you! 👍

    • Kaitie Marie
      Kaitie Marie 28 дней назад +12

      I do this so much that it kinda messes with my head. I feel like I speak faster now, and everyone around me talks so slow.

  • Beth Heinecamp
    Beth Heinecamp Месяц назад +19

    You are very inspirational. Thank you for this tremendously positive and inspirational presentation.

  • mrcutkut
    mrcutkut Месяц назад +1


  • nadja andersen
    nadja andersen Месяц назад +91

    What a wonderful woman. I love how she shows vulnerability and strength all at once. Inspiring and freeing words of wisdom.

  • brijavpogi
    brijavpogi Месяц назад +2

    wow... 7th comments

  • Karen W
    Karen W Месяц назад +6

    Thank you for this. It resonated with me.😊

  • Andrew Radford
    Andrew Radford Месяц назад +5

    No house no family no income yes 98% of us.

  • Jones
    Jones Месяц назад +2

    Wow. There's like 4 comments.

    ITSMEE BOSSLADY Месяц назад +10

    It is what it is, and what's understood doesn't need to be explained... 💁‍♀️👏

  • Gabrielle
    Gabrielle Месяц назад +28

    I had a lot of fun with this speech and took away a powerful message. Thank you so much, Susan!

  • Elsa M.
    Elsa M. Месяц назад +16

    Very inspiring ! I will try. Thank you

  • Vaibhav Tripathi
    Vaibhav Tripathi Месяц назад +7

    First like.... Also Amazing Speech