What if There's Nothing Wrong With You | Susan Henkels | TEDxSedona

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  • Published on Jan 18, 2019
  • We often design our lives around a long list of all the things we believe are wrong with us. The premise of this presentation questions our interpretation of right and wrong and how that interpretation ultimately determines how we decide who we will become as adults, how we choose our important relationships, how we pick our professions, how or if we parent, and what determines the quality of the life we choose. This presentation is a discovery toward what's in the way of having the life you deserve and an easier and more fun way of getting there. You will find ways of releasing judgment and criticism of yourself, begin to consider forgiveness of yourself and others, start making wiser choices, and expand your passion for contribution. Asking the question: What if there's nothing wrong with you?....... can become an ongoing practice for life." usan Munich Henkels. M.S.W is a psychotherapist focused on resolving relationship issues with yourself, your partner, families, family business and organizations. She is committed to clear and honest communication for the best possible outcomes. She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and received a Masters’ degree in Social Work from the George Warren Brown School of Social Work, Washington University in St. Louis, MO.
    Susan is also an avid colored pencil artist with a passion for drawing trees and the magic they hold. She has many original drawings in private and public collections and has shown at the Sedona Arts Center and several international and national colored pencil exhibitions.
    Out of listening for over 45 years to thousands of people talking about all that’s wrong with them, she presents today "What If There is Nothing Wrong With You" This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Comments • 239

  • hala a
    hala a 5 hours ago

    that's the problem with society!
    they just yell at you
    “don't smoke”
    “don't eat too much”
    “don't do drugs”
    “don't oversleep”
    “don't watch to much tv”
    “don't spend all your time on your phone”
    “don't drink too much coffee”
    “don't drink alcohol”
    “don't stay late at night”
    “don't miss out on opportunities”
    BUT..
    they will bever know how hard it is to break a steady habit or an addiction until they fall into it!

  • Purple Guru
    Purple Guru 5 hours ago

    I've thought about training to become a psychotherapist but I wonder if I'm caring enough, not in a practical way but in the kind of soft, warm, emotional, empathetic way. Or even if I like people enough. Does anyone have any thoughs on this?

  • mklights
    mklights 11 hours ago

    Not a terrible video, terrible editing. I have no ill will for this woman, she seems very sweet, but the most powerful thing about this talk is the title. The concept is interesting (not new to me) but she didn't develop it at all. I was really hoping for some unique insight into it, or anything at all that would flesh it out. I'm happy to be reminded of the idea, at least.

  • Viv Wallace
    Viv Wallace 3 days ago

    At first I was a little confused. "There is nothing wrong with you." As soon as I heard that I was thinking: if I told myself this everyday and believed it then would I still be able to accept criticism from others? Would I still be able to reflect on my actions and better myself? I would turn into an arrogant snob because I would believe that I am perfect!

    But then I thought about it for a bit. I already have a hard time accepting criticism because I am so hard on myself, nobody is harder on me than myself and when another person comes along it is like an extra beating on top of my self-inflicted bruises. I can't control others, but I can control myself. With more forgiveness and more faith in myself I would be able to take criticism because I would be more confident and would have more strength to do so. I would still be able to reflect on my actions because I am confident enough to actually do something about my flaws.

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Susan.

  • Blaq Katt
    Blaq Katt 4 days ago +1

    I love the concept but as I listen to you, I think to myself we are in a judgements society and one that has labeled everything and then judged those labels. So the real problem is not even so much accepting that there’s nothing wrong with me but getting the preprogrammed ideas that it is.

  • T S
    T S 5 days ago

    Bless you:) Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing your voice!

  • Aliac Ivory
    Aliac Ivory 5 days ago

    Gotta love this audience

  • Mary Pickford
    Mary Pickford 5 days ago

    Read the book “radical forgiveness” and never look back.

  • Renee CA
    Renee CA 9 days ago

    I LOVE her!!!💓

  • MGTOW Lawyer
    MGTOW Lawyer 11 days ago +1

    There is nothing wrong with me
    there is something wrong with the universe!!!

  • Osho Mosho
    Osho Mosho 14 days ago +1

    I was filled up with sadness but I couldn't get it out, and at the very begining of this I cried, I really needed this

  • teippiviritykset
    teippiviritykset 17 days ago

    Great video, disturbing editing.
    This is really good, like surrender to the awe. Instead of ego fighting and making yourself (ego) stronger and stronger. Just let go..

  • Heidi Howe
    Heidi Howe 19 days ago

    Shhhh, baby.

  • zer0 cool
    zer0 cool 21 day ago

    this problem is only solved when questions like this don't come up any more.
    questions like: what is wrong with me? who am I? what is life?
    impossible questions with no answers whatsoever.

  • Malena Cosmos
    Malena Cosmos 24 days ago

    thank you so much

  • Philip Turner
    Philip Turner Month ago

    History shows that the greatest minds were usually regarded as having something wrong with them as opposed to having amazing qualities that enabled them to see the enlightened ideas that they did. She is right....stop diagnosing and appreciate your qualities and abilities. Also, don't accept societal values without re evaluating their worth, and accept your authentic personality, which escapes the ability of most people who are lost forever acting out roles forced on them .

  • Robertoni7
    Robertoni7 Month ago

    Ive always asked myself this very same question and felt immediate relief "What if there's absolutely nothing wrong with me?" Glad someone else is exploring this.

  • 李奎慶
    李奎慶 Month ago

    What if there were nothing wrong about in finding anything wrong with me just to make myself better? The key point I learned from this video is to accept the failure and keep moving with correct attitude...

  • Rob TC
    Rob TC Month ago

    There are so many good comments that talk about what’s good in this talk.
    So a pardon me for mentioning the other side of this argument:
    This talk is good for most people, but for the rest of the people that do have something wrong with them, e.g: psychosis and/or neurosis, this talk “might” have a negative affect.
    So, do not take this talk as a one size fits all, if your life is really hard, e.g: life disrupting, please get a professional help. Sometimes we need medication and there is nothing wrong with that.

    • Rob TC
      Rob TC Month ago

      I also suggest Jordan Peterson videos, Brene Brown books, especially: the power of vulnerability, and Victor Frankel: Man search for meaning.
      And for psychology buffs, the more you read the more enlightened you get.

  • Rodrigo Llorente
    Rodrigo Llorente Month ago

    Excellent! Congrats. Keep going!

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall Month ago

    Thank you very much Susan.

  • Jennifer Mitchell
    Jennifer Mitchell Month ago

    I needed to hear this talk today. Thank you! :)

  • Franky Lee
    Franky Lee Month ago

    I like her

  • The Real Men In Black
    The Real Men In Black 2 months ago

    What if there’s everything wrong with me?

  • Franky Edder
    Franky Edder 2 months ago +1

    After years of going for every kind of self improvement, I discovered that self improvement has to start with self acceptance. I kept going after perfection, until one day I discovered that perfection isn't a place to arrive, but a road to travel. Learning self acceptance lead to accepting others as they are. It also lead to sorrow for those people (the Homeless) whose life has been torn to shreds, mostly through no fault of their own. From that sorrow came charity.
    Some Eastern thought says that desire leads to frustration. They're right, it does. Western thought says that desire is what keeps us motivated. That is also correct. Universally, there is the concept of 'pick one or the other." Life doesn't work on dualities. When I could apply self acceptance in everyday life, I was able to discern when to be Eastern or Western in how I engaged with the world.

  • Crystal Wish
    Crystal Wish 2 months ago

    I feel so grateful that I can hear wise people give fantastic talks like this free of charge. But seriously, I thought I was going nuts when I heard either a baby or a dying cat, and had to pause the video. People, please don't bring babies to Ted Talks! There IS something wrong with you if you do that.

  • Max N.
    Max N. 2 months ago +1

    Lovely woman!
    However, this speech is meant for the average Joe/Jane, who is sometimes a bit obsessive, overly angry, maybe smokes too much, or spends too much time on their PC. Whose relationships don't really work out as much, who feels sometimes lonely and depressed, often anxious and weird.
    Those people are just people.
    But there are those who have serious mental troubles. And those people really need help...

    • Vani Dham
      Vani Dham 2 months ago

      Agreed...this speech was meant only for the average person... but not for people with mental illnesses who actually need help and some sadistic individuals.... so yeah....that's the point...
      Nonetheless... it was an amazing talk....thanks Susan...i wish you were my grandma...you're lovely and beautiful ....kudos to the humor as well

  • athira sreejith
    athira sreejith 2 months ago

    Thanks a lot. I used to keep blaming myself for everything that went wrong, even when I wasn't responsible for it. This video was indeed an eye-opener for me. It made me retrospect again, and made me question my stern beliefs about all the things that were supposedly wrong with me. And I did realize that a lot of these were just part of my unique identity.Being different doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It just means that you are different. I haven't accepted myself completely.Nevertheless, it feels really good to believe in " What if there's nothing wrong with me".

  • About Creativity
    About Creativity 2 months ago +1

    ''Now'' is forever.

  • Live Untied
    Live Untied 2 months ago

    Define "wrong."

  • eleventhwitness
    eleventhwitness 2 months ago

    that baby making sounds in the background is so adorable..

  • Kajeczkaa
    Kajeczkaa 2 months ago +1

    Big thanks for this video!! Greetings from Polish people!

  • Susanna Saunders
    Susanna Saunders 2 months ago +4

    It's not about what's wrong with me, it's about what's been done to me...

  • Claude LeBel
    Claude LeBel 2 months ago

    What is wrong with you if you are not thinking and believing that there is?

  • Claude LeBel
    Claude LeBel 2 months ago

    That is the truth. No child is born believing that there is something wrong with it. It learns that from its parents and the people in its environment And what can be learned, can be unlearned.

  • Patricia Bartosik
    Patricia Bartosik 2 months ago

    Her 45 years of being a psychotherapist show brilliantly here. We cannot rewrite the past so it's not always the only way to peace...to blame others and not forgive yourself. I love "It is what it is"...I think Bill Clinton used this line but I won't go there.

  • Roxana Magdici
    Roxana Magdici 2 months ago

    Amazing gift Ms. Susan! Thank you from deep within

  • Anita Hummel
    Anita Hummel 2 months ago

    Thank you

  • Lola M
    Lola M 2 months ago

    Loved this

  • Elena Jimenez
    Elena Jimenez 2 months ago

    That's cute, and I Agree with you, but the thing is when you don't have clout the culture Punishes you for your difference, and makes sure as heck you feel there's something wrong- tries to kill you, in other words- jail you, starve you, leave you without your career that you worked a decade on, etc. so it is not up to you alone. blackballing and institutional punishment make it not up to you alone. you are dependent on the horde for what you want. all you can do with that is not want (Buddhistic; inhuman).

  • Madaleen Booyens
    Madaleen Booyens 2 months ago +6

    One of the most amazing talks I've listened too! Strangely it is also exactly the journey I'm on!

  • Suleima
    Suleima 2 months ago

    Love it !!!

  • Luminity
    Luminity 2 months ago

    you really played her with this editing, literally not synced at all for like 30 seconds lol ... the message is powerful and transcends it.

  • Cosmic Serpent
    Cosmic Serpent 2 months ago +1

    This is one of the best ted talks I've ever seen but I couldn't help but think, what if someone was suicidal, isn't there something wrong with that?

  • Benita Dsilva
    Benita Dsilva 2 months ago

    Amazing

  • John Wu
    John Wu 2 months ago +2

    Such a wonderful energy and vibe about her

  • Linda Stone
    Linda Stone 2 months ago +1

    i would love you to be my psychologist!! Te only TED talk that i have watched fully. x

  • mary sunshine
    mary sunshine 2 months ago

    If there was nothing wrong with me I'd get up and walk out that door and never bother coming back or looking back.

    • Miss Mehli
      Miss Mehli 2 months ago

      If you need to do it, then leave.

  • Abdul Reflectt
    Abdul Reflectt 2 months ago +9

    Reminds me of a quote by Veronika Tugaleva "Realize, first and foremost, that you are not flawed"

  • zsenilia
    zsenilia 2 months ago

  • B Simpson
    B Simpson 2 months ago +27

    “...create an entire life around decisions we made when we were probably five years old.”
    😲
    She nailed that one.

  • Juliane Fuchs
    Juliane Fuchs 3 months ago

    Very good talk, very good topic! In my opinion it is really hard to get there when people around you judge you or think otherwise. But you have to believe it first, surrounding people will follow..... I hope ;-) Love and peace for everyone 💛 Have a great day!

  • Charity Ava
    Charity Ava 3 months ago +1

    "There's nothing wrong with you, but you have to forgive yourself for being wrong about yourself for so long...." Wait, what??? There's no need to forgive yourself, just stop beating yourself up.

  • m
    m 3 months ago

    Thank you! In a world that easily labels children & adults, it is refreshing to hear "what if nothing is wrong with you?" God created each of us & we are all valuable with unique gifts & lots of good to offer each other & the world. Never give up, be yourself & have faith always :)

  • Keri Foley
    Keri Foley 3 months ago

    Actually I like being alone sometimes too. No more feeling guilty about that!

  • Rebecca Hughes
    Rebecca Hughes 3 months ago

    I love you

  • Minali Talreja
    Minali Talreja 3 months ago

    Wonderful.

  • Michael Gfroerer
    Michael Gfroerer 3 months ago +1

    A lot of people who think there's something wrong with them, should just admit they're hypochondriacs.

  • Kathleen Kavanagh
    Kathleen Kavanagh 3 months ago +3

    You are so funny really really funny!!! And it was life changing talk but sooo entertaining! Thank you!

  • flower love
    flower love 3 months ago

    You're talented!

  • KassKass
    KassKass 3 months ago +6

    ok never mind, I have watched the whole video. Thisis a great video, and very positive, I might as well stop being so negative.. soooo hm, I hope every one who reads this can be happy and carefree, not just today or tomorrow, but the rest of their lives :) cause there's nothing wrong with you, just be you, just be kind and nice to everyone and to yourself. Have a good day ^ ^

  • KassKass
    KassKass 3 months ago

    I believe there's something wrong with me. no one wants to be friend with me no matter how hard I try or even I don't try. :)

  • Donna Clement
    Donna Clement 3 months ago +1

    Such a great question!

  • visualgirl about town
    visualgirl about town 3 months ago

    Brilliant, much appreciation for sharing!

  • sam cha
    sam cha 3 months ago +1

    Hello this is from Seoul. I just came across this video. What a fresh insightful message. Thanks.

  • Kenneth Carvalho
    Kenneth Carvalho 3 months ago +1

    You hit the nail on the head. Truly an eye opener.

  • Robert Fleming
    Robert Fleming 3 months ago +1

    Thank you for this! 🙏 Makes my day and I know it will continue to do it for others. I did this practice for the shame of masturbation post fundamentalist raising.

    • Vadim Galperin
      Vadim Galperin 3 months ago +1

      Don't confuse maladaptive behaviors with nothing wrong with the way you naturally are... (pre fundamentalist raising)

  • Z- Woohoo
    Z- Woohoo 3 months ago +9

    The most profound discoveries are usually simple and they feel good. Thank you Ma’am .

  • Christa Brockman-Valerio

    I love this so much for so many reasons. Mostly because of how I am going to interact with my daughter here on out!

  • FOREVERQUIETFUNCTION MULTITALENTSILENT*FUNCTION

    YOU HAVE ONE LIFE ! WIFE TOLD TOM AFTER ALL WAS THERE !

  • Crys S
    Crys S 3 months ago +28

    Susan Henkels, I doubt you will ever know how far-reaching and profound the impact of your words will be, how many people may be affected by the people who were affected by you. I do think you've done something that will outlive you. Thank you. - From a psychology student who will never forget what you've said here.

  • Rachael Choi
    Rachael Choi 3 months ago +2

    thank you. this was a nice little lift in my heart. you are so brave for going on that stage and sharing what you know when you grew up in an environment that taught you otherwise. it not only makes me hopeful that my background doesn’t have to set me up for a predetermined future but also makes me rethink maybe there just isn’t.. anything wrong with anything at all. it really resonated with me when you talked about quitting cigs. i had such a horrible anxiety-filled couple years thinking i needed to stop being so dependent on weed. i kept counting all the reasons why i needed to get a healthier coping mechanism and just all the ways it was ruining my life. this year, i just stopped judging myself for it. i just accepted it as a part of my life that just is and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as i fulfilled promises w myself about showing up to class and checking stuff off my to-do list before letting myself smoke. that changed the game for me. i have the confidence to stop smoking whenever i want bc i no longer have that tremendous anxiety and stress about doing something i’ve been telling myself is a problem. i never realized that’s the kind of attitude i can transfer over to all the other areas of my life. that i don’t have to be so hard on myself all the time. that there really isn’t much wrong with me. that i deserve good things i have now and don’t have yet bc there’s nothing wrong w me. thank you for sharing.

  • tacety247365
    tacety247365 3 months ago +2

    I needed this today. Thank you!

  • Charushila Biswas
    Charushila Biswas 3 months ago +1

    Love it!

  • Mark N.
    Mark N. 4 months ago +1

    Then god help me.

  • Nicole Paredes
    Nicole Paredes 4 months ago +6

    Today is my birthday. im on a week vacation and yet im not really happy. I started thinking of all the bad things about me. all the bad things that might happened to me after this or that decision and now im going back home tomorrow and it feels like this vacation just went by like it was nothing. I love the last part "Just for today what if there's nothing wrong with you and live through that possibility". It is indeed a gift. Thank you Susan. I will try to do that and for those who are reading this my light may not be as bright as everyone else but i hope this post will light yours a little more brightly.

  • Meleny95
    Meleny95 4 months ago +1

    I love her way of thought and agree with most said, but I feel like she hasn't really answered it. Maybe I approached the title differently.

  • ahmed albedri
    ahmed albedri 4 months ago +1

    6 days full of cigarettes 😂😂😂😂, it is tuff.

    • name
      name 3 months ago +1

      that's not what she meant

    • ahmed albedri
      ahmed albedri 4 months ago

      But good to know this method

  • Theresa L. Dowling
    Theresa L. Dowling 4 months ago

    Nice one

  • TheBabypowder05
    TheBabypowder05 4 months ago +1

    This is so powerful. The greatest truths usually are.

  • damianos melidis
    damianos melidis 4 months ago

    I have heard first time on Wednesday during my dinner. Somehow, that I cannot explain, made my evening so hopeful.. "my good self, what if there is nothing wrong with you?" ☀❤

  • Gregory Perna
    Gregory Perna 4 months ago +1

    Loved it Susan, Thank you for sharing your gifts!

  • seedsofmayasmr
    seedsofmayasmr 4 months ago +1

    So there was nothing wrong with your father, then? Oh well, it just was what it was? There's nothing wrong with hurting people? There's nothing wrong with being selfish, abusive, negative, controlling, manipulative, dishonest, violent, criminal? How very freeing.

    • UnicornLove Games
      UnicornLove Games 3 months ago

      That isnt what she meant!

    • name
      name 3 months ago +1

      you really missed the point

  • Gerolf Schlabe
    Gerolf Schlabe 4 months ago

    The most important behaviour between people is the respectfully communication independent of the
    age

  • UrbanFoxalicious
    UrbanFoxalicious 4 months ago +2

    Wow, this video is an absolute game changer....what a powerful and precious message, and one that every single one of us needs to hear every single day. Love it! Thank you Susan, your message really is a gift 🎁

  • Julie Mobley
    Julie Mobley 4 months ago +4

    Hi Susan! I love your idea :-) and I really really love the way you presented it. You spoke bravely in a manner slightly different than most people do their TED talks. You did not speak as if you had a word for word memorized script- you were so present! Nothing wrong with that! Many blessings and many thanks. Well done 👍

  • surlespasdondine
    surlespasdondine 4 months ago +10

    I was told I was "impossible" as a child. Only now learning there was nothing wrong with me at all.

  • Monica Templin
    Monica Templin 4 months ago

    Thank you Susan! This is amazing.

  • MP B
    MP B 4 months ago +4

    This is great advice Susan! I believe there is a lot less wrong with us than we think, because at every corner someone is trying to convince us that there is something wrong. Thank you.

  • Tanya Anikeeva
    Tanya Anikeeva 4 months ago

    Thanks a lot Susan!

  • Briana Del Real
    Briana Del Real 4 months ago +1

    8:55 "I was terrified to open my mouth for fear for another round of screaming and harsh punishment. It felt much safer to keep my mouth shut and I lost my voice to need to feel safe." This got me to tears because I used to be this talkative, playful, outing girl. I was the life of the party and made everyone smile. It was my favorite quality of myself, however, I quickly learned that everyone that I cared for hated it. They constantly called me annoying, told me to shut up and when they looked at me, they saw that I see life as a joke and I shouldn't be taken seriously. My own "family and friends" couldn't stand being around me. I felt lonely. I wanted someone else in my life. So what did I do? I asked for a sister. On August 13, 2011, Angela was born. I loved her with all my heart. I cared for her and made sure she was always happy. But, by the time she was four, she saw me the way everyone else did. It's not that I couldn't have a serious or silent moment, I loved those too. No one wanted to be around me on any occasion. My parents will deny it, but it is obvious that Angie (Angela) is their favorite child. My parents would make me clean the house with no reward, but would jump at the chance to give my sister presents for merely breathing. My family calls me names, in various languages. My point being is that I feel that nobody loves me or would miss me if I were gone. Ask you can guess, I went through depression and suicidal thoughts in my life, but I am combating those not with the thought that somebody loves me, but with the thought that I LOVE ME and one day I will leave my old life behind and will be independent so I won't have to face my parents for food, shelter, and money and maybe even one day, I will find someone who loves me for who I am (friend or significant other). I am not fighting for the people who supposedly love me, I am fighting for my own future. I am fighting for a brighter tomorrow.

    • Briana Del Real
      Briana Del Real 3 months ago

      Beyond Beauty69 I do respect people’s need for quiet and I have a lot of hobbies. I just want someone to understand me just like everyone else has at least one person that understands them. I’m not looking for attention, just for someone not to hate me.

    • Beyond Beauty69
      Beyond Beauty69 3 months ago

      Briana Del Real Dont be a attention seeker, respect ppl’s need for quiet, find a hobby.

    • Tanya Anikeeva
      Tanya Anikeeva 4 months ago +1

      You are fighting for being yourself!! You are a very nice and happy personality because you can love other people, not everybody experiences this feeling

  • Francisca Gomes
    Francisca Gomes 4 months ago +3

    Wow. Loved this. Such a kind human.

  • AMG
    AMG 4 months ago

    The editing of this TedTalk is woeful! This is the worst ever. Not the talk but the editing. Dire!

  • Leeta Dax
    Leeta Dax 4 months ago +1

    Me reading the title:
    You're wrong.

  • MiaLens
    MiaLens 4 months ago +5

    it's NOT funny! This culture at laughing at things that are dead serious needs to be rethought in my opinion. We have very little awareness I think.

  • Silent Grove
    Silent Grove 4 months ago +30

    I am enough.

  • Smita Tanna
    Smita Tanna 4 months ago

    Choice is all

  • lotta järvi
    lotta järvi 4 months ago

    This made me breathe freely and brought tears into my eyes. Thank you so much

  • Nicky Noel
    Nicky Noel 4 months ago +1

    So great to know getting drunk and driving is nothing wrong with that

  • Pil Rosted Christensen
    Pil Rosted Christensen 4 months ago +3

    Everything about this is so beautiful