Tap to unmute

How to Handle a Manipulative Person | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

  • Published on Jun 28, 2017
  • Get 20% OFF any Course!
    **** PROGRAMS *****
    Self-Parenting Course - (NEW Online Course) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    9 Weeks to Emotional Healing (online program) - BEST SELLER! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    The Bootcamp (online program) - Rebuilding and Goal Setting Course! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    Bundle your Courses - (BEST DEAL!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    ******* COACHING SERVICES *********
    Book an Individual Session! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    Private Coaching (BEST SELLER!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    Coaching Bundle www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
    ******* PODCAST *********
    🎧 iTunes Podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
    🎧 Spotify Podcast Channel open.spotify.com/show/1CnwePj...
    🎧 Pandora Podcast www.pandora.com/podcast/heal-...
    ****** Social Media *******
    ✔️INSTAGRAM - stephaniely...
    ✔️TIKTOK - vm.tiktok.com/ZMeg1m9pu/
    ✔️FACEBOOK - stephanielyn...
    Thank you for your love and support!

Comments • 2 543

  • La
    La 4 years ago +2046

    40 years and I'm just learning this. I now realize I wasn't depressed, it was the manipulative people I was around that used me that stressed me out to the point of depression.

    • Tyler Nesmith
      Tyler Nesmith 19 days ago

      Omg the same thing is happening to me with manipulating and shame or guilt but I’m 17

    • ThaGenieOfDLamp
      ThaGenieOfDLamp 24 days ago

      I can relate!!!

    • Thursday's_Child
      Thursday's_Child Month ago


    • Saša Ujemi trenutek
      Saša Ujemi trenutek 2 months ago +1

      Never too old to learn.

    • prashanthi jupally
      prashanthi jupally 3 months ago +1

      Identifying a manipulative person is the best thing that happened to you in your life ... because if you can’t find one when there one in your life ..then by the time you understand such a person it will too late

  • Kelly Upshaw
    Kelly Upshaw 2 years ago +354

    Tell them NO, and don't let them guilt trip you about it either!

    • Mick Ryan
      Mick Ryan Month ago

      Yes i should only have to say no once thats it

    • Dorothy Martin
      Dorothy Martin 2 months ago

      Yes! This is pretty much the only answer.

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic Year ago +3

      Kelly Upshaw,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

  • Scott Jackson
    Scott Jackson Year ago +124

    Nothing ever really fixes a relationship with a manipulative person except dissolving the relationship. Neither party can win the game of identifying who is the perpetrator and who is the victim.

  • andreyvaleroso
    andreyvaleroso Year ago +176

    Watching this made me realize that i’m not the victim, i’m actually the manipulative one.And there’s a lot to work out and improve on.

    • Alan Kennedy
      Alan Kennedy 13 days ago

      This new guy almost had me believing I was the manipulative one too, almost. Don't get me wrong, I have my toxic traits that I am working through. The difference is that reviewing messages, I noticed that he was flicking my triggers from my abusive exs, further review and it clicked. He never asked any get to know you questions to me. Never started conversations, and always got anxious when the conversation went deeper

    • Sel L
      Sel L 3 months ago +3

      They fact you've realized this shows a level of self awareness and now that you know that you can stop working on yourself.

    • YoukapalotBrah
      YoukapalotBrah 3 months ago +4

      We are all fucked up in our own ways, just got to have more grace

    • YoukapalotBrah
      YoukapalotBrah 3 months ago +5

      God bless you for realizing, take the time to do you and you will thank yourself

    • YoukapalotBrah
      YoukapalotBrah 3 months ago +1

      @Nurble no they are doing it out of emotions, they realized and it’s human emotions to say something because they don’t have anyone.

  • SeanTheDev
    SeanTheDev 3 years ago +63

    As someone who manipulated a family member, I learned my lesson the hard way. I’m trying to change my ways and this really described what I was like

    • Maria Forsyth
      Maria Forsyth 16 days ago

      You are making yourself a big favor, don’t give up because you can change your ways and you will be happier when you realize that you are free from controlling someone else and start controlling yourself.
      Govern yourself and you will be living your best life

    • Wyatt Campbell
      Wyatt Campbell 5 months ago +9

      It's amazing for you to acknowledge that.

    • Craft Tee’s
      Craft Tee’s 5 months ago +10

      This is so big of you to know and also state this was you. I pray that GOD deliver you because this hurts.

  • Benny Bees
    Benny Bees 4 years ago +1120

    I changed my personality pretty much completely - started to love myself & express my opinions and all my toxic friends vanished from my life. Now new better ones will come :)))) love the video thank u

    • angel khamrang
      angel khamrang Month ago


    • angel khamrang
      angel khamrang Month ago

      @Samantha Speaks .... .... mm polonium million

    • William Chevalier
      William Chevalier 3 months ago

      That's what's up!!! I took inventory of who, what, and where is lifegiving to me as opposed to chaos. Then went to work cleaning out the garden(mental, social, and spiritually) and am tilling and planting what works for me.

  • craffte
    craffte 8 months ago +67

    Love how you just.get to the point. No selling of your book, no demand for s.m. attention, no advertisement for your brand. Subbed. Thanks.

  • Gerri Miller
    Gerri Miller Year ago +193

    My ex dropped by and told me his problems where he lives. He says he needs to move. I said ok let me know how the move goes. This is a manipulative trick he tried to see if I would feel guilty or sad for him. Don't be a doormat and never allow people to use you

    • J S
      J S 4 months ago +2

      Yep, i can completely agree with all these people, far too much victim mentality, had Narcs guilt trip me, use me, control me, been threatened, abused my self, makes you feel like its you thats "not right in the head" when actually its them, they just prey on people, thankfully i try not to get involved in their crap anymore x

    • learning Survival
      learning Survival 4 months ago

      Maybe he just wanted somebody to listen to him and be nice to him, not everyone is manipulative and have hidden meanings

    • Sidso Lovelyyy
      Sidso Lovelyyy 4 months ago +1

      There's nothing wrong with helping him ...

    • Gerri Miller
      Gerri Miller 6 months ago +10

      I've learned to pay close attention to people's behavior to others and not talk so much and listen more effectively. This way i can definitely decide if someone is of hateful, selfishness or of good intentions whom care about others

      MABEL AMA HAGAN 6 months ago +1

      Yes please.

  • Markus Andersen
    Markus Andersen 2 years ago +79

    "I'm sorry you feel that way" is such a power move! I love it.

  • Septarian3 33
    Septarian3 33 2 years ago +40

    I am experiencing this to the tee with a friend of 13 years. I am finally able to see through her manipulative behaviors but it took me this long to figure it out. At this moment in time (before I watched this video) I am trying to stand my ground. I have taken time to reflect on the feelings I get when we communicate and it's been an emotional rollercoaster through out our entire relationship and I am tired. I am ready to move on but she's digging her claws in deeper the more she can sense me pulling away and realizing she can't continue to influence me. It's been quite the experience really, a very long one but also a very important lesson. I was afraid to stop being friends with her because I didn't have a sense of self and it's true the more I start to put myself first, the more clearly I am able to see.

    • Septarian3 33
      Septarian3 33 3 months ago +1

      @Alkaline Lifestyle Interestingly enough, I made that comment 2 years ago and very shortly after.... That is EXACTLY what I did. Without any explanation because I had exhausted all of my energy explaining myself out entire relationship. Long story short we didn't have any communication for those 2+ some years until literally a month ago! Turns out she moved away and had recently moved back. We ended up crossing paths at a local bar we both use to frequent together, go figure. Extremely awkward, I'll spare you the details but by the end of the night after many drinks she basically begged me that all she wanted was for me to be in her wedding. But was extremely jealous I was out with a newer friend having a great night (which I know because she straight up told my friend lol) I was like you know what, let's meet up again and talk things out see if anything has changed. That was about a week ago and... NOPE. It did not go well. At the end of the night, I sent her a message saying clearly my decision back then to end our friendship was the right one and I wished her the best. Gave her a day to respond to see if she would apologize for anything. Got nothing. So she's now blocked again on everything and I guess in her eyes maybe she feels better in some way that her choice not to respond to me this time is some sort of poetic justice.... Either way. I was COMPLETELY fine without her in my life those 2 years and she said she had written so many letters during that time that she just couldn't being herself to send.... Obviously I'm not the one missing out and never was.
      Truly, that would be the best advice anyone could have given me. So thank you, sincerely. Lesson learned.

    • Alkaline Lifestyle
      Alkaline Lifestyle 3 months ago +2

      Just block her, she’s wasted enough of your time and energy

  • Self Love
    Self Love Month ago +5

    There isn’t a need nor is it wise to say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” One, It is not your responsibility how they feel nor (2) to validate them. State your boundaries,be consistent and stand firm. Stay strong everyone!

  • Lian Yong Kung
    Lian Yong Kung 2 years ago +28

    Thank you for the tips. In the past, I've had well-meaning friends telling me that I "gave too much". I didn't quite understand what they meant at first because I thought I was being a good daughter/ friend being generous and helpful. It wasn't until when I was pushed to my limits that I understood what they meant. Now, I've learn to say "no" but sometimes, I still struggle with d guilty feeling of doing so. Hopefully, I'll get to d point of being confident of myself someday.

    • Nurble
      Nurble 3 months ago +1

      Dont feel guilty about not doing things you don't have to nor want to do, everyone is allowed to even be a little selfish once in a while,it's healthy to know where your boundaries are,ya know? Just keep in mind,there are times being selfish is better than being selfless,as well as there are times is better to give and be selfless than being selfish,saying this through experience

  • Its Kimanii
    Its Kimanii 2 years ago +52

    I’ve had suspicions for most of my life that my mother is a manipulative person, and this video really confirmed that for me.

  • Roberta Oliveto
    Roberta Oliveto 6 months ago +7

    I went through it all from beginning to end lol. First I said no then I got the guilt the shame, then I stood my ground and then the abuse and bullying started and it lasted months! Lots of revenge and even turning innocent children against me. Apparently this person got really mad with a simple no which shows his character.

  • Koro
    Koro 8 months ago +113

    Wow, this describes the person i was dealing with so perfectly im getting so mindblown

    • Danielle
      Danielle 4 months ago

      My daughter's grandma as'f.

    • Janel Mitchell
      Janel Mitchell 6 months ago

      @Taty Rosso omg congratulations!! im sooo proud of you. you’re such a Queen.
      It went well for me too! I end up moving out and thankfully was able to move in with my mom. it’s been such a blessing and relief.
      Thanks for the update, and I hope you’re doing so amazing! ❤️❤️

    • Taty Rosso
      Taty Rosso 6 months ago +1

      @Janel Mitchell thanks girl your so nice!! So I actually did it and he left it’s so hard rn.
      How did it go for you doll?

    • Janel Mitchell
      Janel Mitchell 6 months ago

      @Taty Rosso thank you sm Taty. Im supporting you too. we got this ❤️

    • Taty Rosso
      Taty Rosso 6 months ago +2

      @Janel Mitchell wow supporting you from afar, we can escape this!

  • Ian Booth
    Ian Booth 2 years ago +21

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. After over 40 years of this EXACT treatment I finally understand how my once reasonably secure nature has been battered into submission. Luckily I still have enough underlying emotional strength to be able to turn the tide using your recovery methods and it is a fantastic feeling. For the first time I am experiencing the feeling that people refer to as "liberating".

  • Artszy
    Artszy 4 months ago +5

    I feel like im recovering myself when listening to you.

  • blondspike74
    blondspike74 6 months ago +4

    This is gold and my husband completely agrees that this is his 35 year old sister, still living at home. He already started to create boundaries for his own life and wants to cultivate a heathy relationship with me. Thank you for making this video.

  • Algorithmic Music
    Algorithmic Music 4 years ago +550

    The "childlike" part is the key. I dealt with several manipulative people, their age ranging from mid-teens to late forties. Both sexes. They all shared the childlike mentality. Thank You very much for the video, it's very helpful.

    • CC California
      CC California 5 months ago +1

      @Peg Amen, smart choice

    • Legal Fiction Natural Fact
      Legal Fiction Natural Fact 5 months ago +3

      child-ISH. not child-like. huge difference.

    • Peg
      Peg 6 months ago +2

      My 65 yr old brother in law is such a child it’s very sad. I’m so finished with the both of them. No more guilty feelings. I have to take care of myself for once, Spiritually (God is #1 in my life) mentally, & physically.

    • L
      L 10 months ago +2

      So true, my father is also like that

    • Be As A Rose Co
      Be As A Rose Co Year ago +3


  • paulesp06
    paulesp06 2 years ago +1

    I followed this advice to a tee; to a tee, and it was sooo helpful. Absolutely everything you said would happen, happened. But it’s fine. Bar one emotional outburst on my part, I managed to stay in my truth and say ‘no’ to a sibling who was using me. What an excellent video! I think I have found the strength to stand up to these manipulators and no longer be roped into doing stuff for them when it isn’t on my terms. 👏

    GRA-EME D 2 years ago +6

    This speaks to me on every level! My grandmother is very manipulative. Everything is a game, every question is loaded and has a motive either to know what I’m doing or so she can corner me in to doing something for her. Guilt tripping and childlike moods if you don’t do or give her what she wants. Constantly wanting me to do what she wants me to do when she decides. Anytime I say no it’s a guilt trip or an exhausting explanation. I end up trying to ignore or avoid her when I feel it getting to the stage where I want to erupt. This video helps me put a lot in to perspective thank you

  • Josephine Jangu
    Josephine Jangu Year ago +7

    WOW...you are so right. I thought I was loosing it by standing up for my self but good to hear someone else tell me that I am not crazy!. Thank you!

  • Victoria
    Victoria 2 years ago +43

    I have a friend that does this to me as well. I've known them my entire life and Im not sure what to do. This video is very informative. I came from Stephanie Soo and I'm glad you could help the both of us.

  • Vladimir Goodness
    Vladimir Goodness 3 years ago +1096

    Handling manipulative person:
    1) Know what you want and how you feel
    2) Stand your ground
    3) Be prapered for backlash (i do many things for you and..)
    Best thing to say: I'm sorry you feel that way

    • Janet T
      Janet T 4 months ago

      @lisa198042 I don't think it's supposed to be an apology - that is the point. You have nothing to apologize for - you are not responsible for their rules. They have decided to be disappointed in your behavior, so you say I'm sorry you feel that way. That way you are NOT taking responsibility for the way they say they feel.

    • lisa198042
      lisa198042 4 months ago

      'Sorry you feel that way' is not a genuine apology, its passive aggressive and my ex would always say it 🤢

    • Legal Fiction Natural Fact
      Legal Fiction Natural Fact 4 months ago +1

      @Estelle Schneider or maybe the perp should cut the attempt to indict our very sensible feelings about their garbage behavior. the correct way to apologize is this:
      "hey, i'm really sorry i did x. it was wrong and i shouldn't have done that. i regret treating you that way and it won't happen again. if there's a way i can make it up to you, i want to do that if you're interested."
      BAM. is that so f u ck in g difficult, abusers out there? well to them, it is, because they can't bear to take responsibility.
      anyone who can't sincerely apologize has psych problems and needs to go sit alone to do some deep self reflection until they figure out how to fix their broken brains.

    • Estelle Schneider
      Estelle Schneider 4 months ago

      I personally do do not like when in my like a person tells me " Sorry you feel that way..feels condescending.
      May I suggest. BETTER
      I hear that you are not happy, angry, sad (with my whatever?)..
      Your feelings are important to me..and valid..( because they were not early in life
      I respect them..i am sorry my Words caused you to feel..but I hope we can reach a ....
      and then stay firm not changing ..
      This to me is more respectful of the person
      I am sorry you feel that way is not affirming and honest.
      Sounds as though I did what I did and now A PAT answer

    • Legal Fiction Natural Fact
      Legal Fiction Natural Fact 5 months ago +3

      @CC California imagine if we all ditched every single envious toxic baby in our lives and all they had left was each other.
      their ultimate hell.

  • Tracee
    Tracee 2 years ago +4

    Wow so much of what you said in this video has been internal "nudges" that I have been feeling for a long while, that I just couldn't wrap enough internal dialogue around in order to transform into revelation until now. Thank You so much🙂Seriously, I watched this video twice❤️

  • Puneet Raizada
    Puneet Raizada 2 years ago +2


  • Ivonne Ayala
    Ivonne Ayala Year ago +6

    I can relate to what you said in your video. I am guilty of being a people pleaser and I know I need to learn self love. And I always feel that I have to explain myself when I say “no” to someone because I was afraid of making that person angry with me.

  • Natea Williams
    Natea Williams 7 months ago +5

    This was amazing!♥️I needed these tips and I’m so learning to say no, And it feels so good.

  • Too Good Too Be True
    Too Good Too Be True 3 years ago +16

    I've just dealt with a scenario a couple weeks ago where one of my friends lashed out at me because I told him no regarding me helping him out with his car issues since he acted so selfish/manipulative in a lot of different instances throughout our friendship.
    Ironically, it didn't leave a mark or a trace on me like it had done years prior.
    I'm finally fucking free!
    Great video btw!

    • Daisy
      Daisy 4 months ago +1

      I'm truly happy for you.

  • Rissa98000000
    Rissa98000000 4 months ago +2

    I have recently came to realization that my dad is emotionally manipulative. After years and years I have finally connected the dots. Going to step up boundaries to protect myself!

  • Natsu.
    Natsu. 2 years ago +8

    Hi nikocado avocado, if you’re watching this I hope that you go to a psychiatrist immediately. Stop creating words out of people mouths. Stop being a literal brat. Stop being a brat that when it doesn’t gets what it wants, start throwing shame, and lying about others. Stop trying to make yourself feel better than someone. I’m sorry, but I really hope that you feel what stephanie is feeling. Something you do to someone, will comeback 100 times worse. Bye.

  • Tara Wagner Coaching
    Tara Wagner Coaching 2 months ago +1

    Yes! And the first thing you mention is boundaries. Conveying to others the importance of your personal (and even biz) boundaries is key.

  • Camille Walker
    Camille Walker 4 years ago +311

    This is a perfect example of my sister. I took care of her, let her live with me, just so she can sleep with my husband! And still to this day, wants me to feel sorry for her!! I'm standing my ground with EVERYONE FROM NOW ON!!

    • Sel L
      Sel L 3 months ago +1

      @Holy Soul Emerge
      It's not Camille's fault at all, it was her sister's and her husband's fault. Both should have known better.
      The husband was certainly in the wrong and should have had more respect for his wife but the sister was the outsider to that marriage and she definitely should have had more respect since they grew up together. Sleeping with the spouse of a family member is a big no no!
      When this sort of thing happens, you definitely get rid of the offending family member or friend especially if you want to fix and save the marriage or get rid of both parties if it's bad enough.

    • Nurble
      Nurble 3 months ago

      @Camille Walker that you have your priorities doesn't mean you don't love her,most parents put their children as the top priority and that's perfectly alright,my aunt has our cousins as priorities but that doesn't mean she doesn't dearly love or granny

    • Luna
      Luna 4 months ago +1

      Still, the husband is #1 you need to leave. He’s the one who cheated, doesn’t matter with who. And leave the sister too.

    • natnel617
      natnel617 5 months ago +1


    • Aisling Ruane
      Aisling Ruane 6 months ago +1

      IM so sorry to hear this . ❤️

  • Explorer812
    Explorer812 4 months ago

    This is me through and through. I’ve suffered with doubting myself and manipulation and guilt and people pleasing ever since I was a little kid. And it’s tearing my life apart even now. When you say, you feel like you’ll be seen as a bad person, I do get that. And then I get so mad at myself for not being able to defend myself... when I should be getting mad at the people who made me this way... I need to find a way to love myself and be sure of myself even if everyone around me hates me. I’ve only ever had a few people in my life actually respect me when I had enough courage to say no... the rest just make me feel bad for not doing something and want me to explain why or start questioning me, to the point where it’s easier to say yes and put my feelings aside than to deal with people and the aftermath of when I say no...

  • joanna brites
    joanna brites 3 years ago +6

    You are saving my life, for the first time in my life I can see all of my confusion clearly. You are amazing and my daughter who is also co-dependent says it's like having a best friend that understands you. I finally see that it wasn't all me. Thanks so much.

  • xxx typhon
    xxx typhon 8 months ago +2

    This is 4 yrs ago but this is what I've been looking for to hear. One of the best things I've heard in life. I am a victim of manipulative people and I'm traumatized for years

    • Dani
      Dani 7 months ago

      @xxx typhon lol 😂 these type of people do multiply 😂😩
      We just need to learn how to deal with them. We focus on ourselves. The better we know ourselves, the more tools we have to equip ourselves to handle all kinds of people, any situation.

    • James Armstrong
      James Armstrong 7 months ago

      xxx typhon,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....

  • MindontheSpirit
    MindontheSpirit 7 months ago +7

    If I say "I'm sorry you feel that way" then he comes back with, "I don 't want you to apologize" or ""I'm not asking for an apology" and it just goes around again.

  • Deepak Kumar
    Deepak Kumar 4 years ago +106

    "Putting yourself First" this is the first time I heard this saying. B'cos people say you should never put yourself first and that took every piece of me and didn't allow me live the life I wanted. BUT not Anymore. Thanks for this Insightful video and helping us to live a better life 😊

  • Vedrana Roger
    Vedrana Roger 5 months ago +1

    I just had an epiphany about my red thread thru my three major relationships. All three manipulative and me insecure. Since I have started to work on myself I have more and more become aware of peoples bs and also partners. It means that I actually starting to genuinely love myself and that’s amazing. Thank you for this video so much! Exactly what I needed to hear tonight! Wow!

  • Salma
    Salma 6 months ago +1

    Thank you so much for this! I’m actually feeling emotional right now because this is exactly what my boss is like. We went from having a sister like relationship to having a completely broken, negative relationship, in fact her relationship broke down with almost everyone around her.

  • perezsan1
    perezsan1 6 months ago +3

    Good video. But there's also the "buffer" situation. It's harder to deal with a manipulator that's using a boss or relative to hurt others. I mean, some manipulators are really good in picking out weakness to the point that good people often get hurt.

  • Rachel Oxborough
    Rachel Oxborough Year ago +2

    Love your Channel Stephanie, such wise words. I think apologising for someone else’s feelings is an overused phrase and can come across as passive. We can’t apologise for how someone feels because they are their own feelings. We can only apologise for our own behaviour. But you are right, that is good to acknowledge how someone feels and that is the right thing to do. I find your videos super helpful xxx

    • Lioyd Williams
      Lioyd Williams Year ago

      Rachel Oxborough, hope you are not with a narcissist!

  • william sharp
    william sharp 4 years ago +2889

    My dad taught me a line that I that I used a lot. "If you need a answer right now it is NO.

    • Brenda Magallanes
      Brenda Magallanes 6 months ago

      @Edward Barraza me too!

    • A Fancher
      A Fancher 7 months ago

      Thanks so much for sharing this! I’m using it 😊

    • puncher davis
      puncher davis 10 months ago

      I think that's a guy the answer should be no because we're so damn stuck on having sex because we're driven for that yes. So quit thinking about what you're going to do with her today I set up a long-term goal like 3 or 4 years out that takes all the pressure off today man say no to yourself and say no to her you'd be amazed at how much that irritates the hell out of her and attracts her at the same time absolutely freaking wackadoodle

    • A C
      A C 10 months ago

      @willieboy Thanks!

    • willieboy
      willieboy 10 months ago +1

      @A C well then your dad is a smart man!

    SHEBZ Month ago

    I have a friend who's manipulative and conniving like that. I've just been learning how to deal with her. Thank you for the video ❤️

  • Ryan Bradley
    Ryan Bradley Year ago +3

    Such an amazing video! This was the first one I watched regarding narcissism and start down the path of breaking free.

  • Lloyd Edmonds
    Lloyd Edmonds 3 years ago +2

    You are so spot on, describing my wife to the “T”!!
    I started setting my grounds in a very slow place. Right away my wife notices and starts to pout. She owns her own feeling and I won’t acknowledge. Thx Coach!!

  • Cliff Needles
    Cliff Needles Year ago +5

    Wow, how I wish I had heard this message 20 years ago! I just might have realized that the person I was about to marry was very manipulative, I just did not see it when we were courting or when we were engaged. Indeed my feelings for her then were very much in line with the reactions from all of our mutual acquaintances when she died during the Covid-19 pandemic.
    I now suspect that our relatively short engagement was her first manipulation.
    Most, if not all, of the characteristics you mentioned started to appear within a few months of us getting married. Making threats if I said "no" to something she wanted, she nearly always wanted it "now", or tomorrow at the latest. This developed into name calling e.g. "You are a useless waste of space" etc. After about 5 years and one nervous breakdown I seized an opportunity to move out. A new relationship? Very unlikely.
    I have forgiven her, but I cannot forget.

  • Dee Dodger
    Dee Dodger 7 months ago

    My goodness! I don't know why I haven't found your channel before. You describe my Ex's family and the dealings with me to a tee! I have watched this 3 times now. I am now working on my self worth and understanding this depressed state. Very empowering for me! Thank you so much!

  • Cyn
    Cyn 2 years ago +4

    I’m so glad Stephanie Soo linked this bc I know I really needed to hear this so I’m sure so many of you needed it too. We’ll get through this 💜

  • Forget me not
    Forget me not Year ago +3

    Thank you so much for your lesson!!! 💜It helped me so much to realize what was going on in my life

  • Otty BB
    Otty BB Year ago +1

    Thank you so much, I’m so Blessed to find you. I’m just find it about this behavior, getting out of a 12 years relationship with a narcissist. Only when I left everything behind I find out about this behavior . I being isolated for a while but it’s being worse since last year . I really appreciate it all your videos. Good Blessings for you and your family. Feeling more strong to understand and know this behavior.

  • ArticSpetsnaz
    ArticSpetsnaz 11 months ago +6

    I was manipulative at one point without realising it, I'd manipulate my friend by saying I wouldn't be friends with him anymore unless he did what I told him. Happened when I was 8, I aint gonna make any excuses as I know what I did was wrong, but I've realised my mistakes and changed my personality and I'm actually really good friends with that person now.

    • Dani
      Dani 7 months ago +1

      @ Artic good for you! Hope you do the same thing with others too. Self awareness /self growth is a daily challenge. Best regards.

    JVCQUIE ROBERTS 2 years ago +1

    Hey I’m here after the drama, but also for myself. This was an awesome powerful video thank you so much this is pure gold and really hits the spot:)

  • DWDboardz
    DWDboardz 3 months ago

    This is literally my life right now. Today I’m expecting the backlash of telling a friend no. And I’m ready for it!

  • Cecelia Kee
    Cecelia Kee Year ago +3

    I love your coaching videos. They are valuable lessons to me in handling difficult people or conversations. Thank you so much!

  • Cathy Ann
    Cathy Ann 4 years ago +375

    you just described my sister, she is highly manipulative...I cut my sister out of my life about a year ago...I was drained from her...now I have my life back and I am so much happier

    • Die DonnerFrau
      Die DonnerFrau 4 months ago +2

      Amen to that! No regrets for me, either. I will not miss my sister, or rather who she has become.

    • Mary Jane Erard, Fine Art LLC
      Mary Jane Erard, Fine Art LLC 10 months ago +1


    • Michael C
      Michael C 11 months ago +2

      Congrats! I have a similar sister and brother.

    • Renee Wilkinson
      Renee Wilkinson 11 months ago +2

      I cut my younger sister out of my life. And I cut my parents dad and stepmom out of my life. I never been happier. I don't have be around there abuse and control anymore. I can be with my man and live my own life. And find happiness in my life without them.

    • Moments with Vanessa🌷
      Moments with Vanessa🌷 11 months ago +1

      I'm going through this with my son. It's hard to think that he could be manipulative.

  • Shelly Bahe
    Shelly Bahe Year ago +25

    Wow!! When I realized that I am married to manipulator narcissist husband. I found myself alone with no friends or family who no longer talk to me because I pushed them so far away for my husband jealousy over them. Now I am filing for divorce and preparing myself for the fight of my life.....

    • Nurble
      Nurble 3 months ago

      Sending all of the good luck possible!! This will be incredible tough, emotionally and mentally and physically,but always remember you can do this

    • Lavetta Townsend
      Lavetta Townsend 5 months ago

      Stay strong and it will get grader later

  • strawberry bee
    strawberry bee 2 years ago

    I felt so invalidated by the abuse my mum was exhibiting until this video. I know she loves me and still has her good side which makes it so much harder to let go but this is what I face nearly everyday. Thank you for this.

  • RiVeRs
    RiVeRs 7 months ago

    I've recently done exactly that said "no" to having my narcissist father in law for christmas family lunch which I know would've upset me and it felt good standing firm in the face of the barrage that followed: "You are selfish, you're horrible ect"... It took many years unfortunately for me to realize that behind the veneer of a humility one can be dealing with the most vicious and inciduous forces of covert narcissism... Well, the table has turned now...

  • SweetAshGamer
    SweetAshGamer 4 months ago

    This was very helpful. I'm still learning how to set boundaries for myself because I always end up caving on them. It's just really hard to say no.

  • Pebble Beach
    Pebble Beach 3 years ago +7

    Saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" also implies that their emotions may be distorting their thinking and that they may need time to process a larger picture.

  • Wildwoman
    Wildwoman Year ago

    Stephanie, I appreciate your full explanation of something I've learned in bits and pieces. Namaste 🙏

  • Bexster
    Bexster 2 years ago +1

    Thank you for the information and the advice! This was very helpful and I'm sharing it with people I love ❤

  • Brandi Paige
    Brandi Paige 2 years ago

    I'm going through all of this right now with my fiancé. This was a very helpful video. I need to watch it everyday. I really liked "I'm sorry that you feel that way". I've been taking so much hurtful talk from him it's hard to ignore it.

  • 247tubefan
    247tubefan 3 years ago +107

    A woman who clearly understands about manipulation & realises that it is not a healthy practice for relationships is truely a rare and beautiful thing.

  • Tika X
    Tika X Year ago +1

    Thank you, I will definitely use these tips. I’m sure it will hurt them when I say “ I’m sorry you feel like that “ 😂😂 as they will be expecting a different reaction such as “ okay I will do it for you. Thank you for these videos, they are so helpful

  • Kathryn Holgate
    Kathryn Holgate 2 years ago +1

    Thank you! You really are beautiful inside and out. I hope more people take the time to watch and listen to your channel and keep learning about abuse! Kathryn.

  • Captain Princess
    Captain Princess Year ago +2

    I like this channel, so I feel the need to point out something that bothers me, with the intention of helping. I guess it's akin to how I would expect a friend to provide me with healthy feedback if they saw something I was doing that bothered them.
    "I'm sorry you feel that way" is extremely inflammatory. Apologizing for other's emotions is accepting responsibility, and we are not at all responsible for the reaction of others. Especially when what we are doing is taking care of ourselves by not doing something that makes us uncomfortable for the sake of comforting someone else.
    An alternative phrase might be "I hate that you feel that way" or "it's unfortunate that you are having this reaction/feeling" or "I know it sucks to feel like that".
    "I'm sorry you feel that way" is almost a gaslighting phrase because it dismisses the other person's feelings/thoughts/opinions, therefore invalidating their experience.
    I do find value in the rest of what is said here, and with the channel in general. I am subscribed, and use the techniques suggested quite often.
    Thank you.

  • Yasashii Kirakuna
    Yasashii Kirakuna 2 years ago +4

    This was amazing, I feel so so much more powerful, I had no idea how much I would relate to this

  • A S
    A S 4 years ago +102

    The best video in manipulation ! The only way you stop a manipulator is when you love yourself and know your value ! Love this !!!!!!

    • jessxxy
      jessxxy 2 years ago

      Funny... i kind of love you! Is that weird? Haha only kidding' hows life 1yr on ? :)

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +4

      Anel Silva Thank you so much!

  • Daniel Stamegna
    Daniel Stamegna 3 years ago

    I am so glad I came across this video today. You have no idea how much I needed this and how much it has and will help me going forward. Thank you!

  • - MyBlues -
    - MyBlues - 2 years ago +15

    I'll need to listen to this like everyday, My dad is very manipulating so i used to cry all the time but i'm so over it now.

    • Electra playz
      Electra playz 14 days ago

      same it's in my downloads haha , my classmates are really toxic and manipulative

  • ehrlichlanier c
    ehrlichlanier c 2 years ago +1

    Thank you so much for your help Stephanie. I'm 78 years old and still having to ask for help. Makes me sick literally. Again, thank you sincerely and God bless you. M. L. 🌷

  • Clive Sinclair
    Clive Sinclair 11 months ago

    This was one of the videos that helped me stop doubting myself and gave me the courage to end a bad relationship.

  • Robert Holmes
    Robert Holmes 4 years ago +413

    Great video. Well presented. Im 41. A man. And I had two people who I was very close to manipulating me for years. One was a relationship the other my best friend. I was so blind to the tactics. I admittedly had low self esteem from past trauma that I didnt deal with. I removed these two people from my life around a 6 months ago. My best friend is now a friend that I see once a month.
    I made the realization around 6 months ago. Since I removed the manipulators from my life I am so much happier. One thing you dont realise is how much time they suck out of you. Take your freedom back from manipulating people. Ultimately I discovered they were envious of me. But I work hard for my money. They take what ever they can get.

    • L
      L 10 months ago

      Same, I have also a manipulator friends who makes me feel less. Also my father is also a like this.

    • North Star
      North Star 3 years ago +2

      @Expo Properties not all women. You didnt meet right women

    • North Star
      North Star 3 years ago

      @Paradox - whatever you allow them

    • North Star
      North Star 3 years ago

      @Stephanie Lyn Coaching difficult to get rid of the people you work with

    • ryan lucas
      ryan lucas 3 years ago

      Damien H the worst part is when your best friend use other friends to go against you..and say you’re a terrible person

  • Adriano Araujo
    Adriano Araujo 3 months ago

    It's so amazing how you have described so accurately how a couple of people close to me are. I've been asking myself how to deal with them and I found this video very useful. Thank you so very much! Greetings from Brazil

  • LindsayJayne
    LindsayJayne Year ago

    Now it makes sense. When I stay calm and say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or, "let's just agree to disagree" as they can never be wrong about anything, WHY they think you're talking to them like they're a child.

  • LanaBanana13
    LanaBanana13 2 years ago

    I'm actually in a situation rn where I have to deal with a manipulative relative. Usually, I just kick manipulators out of my environment, but since this person is family, I cannot.
    This has helped a lot. Thank you!

    • North Star
      North Star 2 years ago

      Why not? So what if that is a relativne? That fact doesnt force you to suffer and do something you dont want. Just say no

  • Lady Asha
    Lady Asha Year ago +1

    This was excellent advice, thank you Stephanie.

  • Kathy Allzem
    Kathy Allzem 3 years ago +70

    When I started to love myself, my soul healed then my mind & body followed. It took around 11 years. I was once a people pleaser now I'm a self-advocate for my healthy lifestyle. Funny that nobody even tries to manipulate me now bc I'm not their type & they know it.

  • Iza Waniek
    Iza Waniek 5 months ago

    The phrase: I am sorry you feel that way ! Is a great thing we can say to somebody abusive. Thank you.

  • Bella Crystall
    Bella Crystall 3 years ago +2

    This info was my "GOLDEN TICKET" for today.
    Thank you for getting me prepared.

  • Juliana Cordeiro
    Juliana Cordeiro 3 days ago

    so perfect!!! this is exactly how my ex is. I was missing him and look about manipulation videos just to remind myself everything i went through

  • Stephen Hymes Jr.
    Stephen Hymes Jr. 2 years ago

    Thank you so much. I just got out of a relationship with a person like this. It was seriously was the worst emotional situation I've ever experienced. Lies upon lies. Always blaming me for her problems. A rare ability to make me feel like I was the problem. I finally had to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself life's too short, leave.

  • cynicalmushroom
    cynicalmushroom 3 years ago +120

    Dealt with a narcissistic, emotionally manipulative father my whole life. My healing started the day I said no and blocked his ass.

    • Michael Todd
      Michael Todd 9 months ago

      Same, but my mother..super toxic person

    • L
      L 10 months ago


    • Syeda Sajida
      Syeda Sajida 11 months ago +1

      Trust me on this I have the same story

    • Jay T
      Jay T Year ago

      SAME ☺️

  • Dee Rivera
    Dee Rivera 10 months ago +1

    Key word. Entitlement. It's tricky when someone is gaslighting you. Standing in your truth and clearly holding a boundary doesn't make you a crappy daughter, guilt, shame, name calling and worse, sabotaging your marriage... I've learned to stay in control emotionally and not bend to their whim.

  • Charles Munroe
    Charles Munroe 2 years ago

    Stephanie... You have a lovely way of expressing your understanding of these demons.... Thank you for making such a difference.

  • Piyush Arora
    Piyush Arora 2 years ago +1

    Perfectly, I repeat, perfectly described my ex. It seems like you knew her in person and described how she is and how she behaves. Thankfully it lasted for only 3 months. I felt the warmth was missing throughout the relationship but I kept going because she's charming and beautiful as hell. So happy it's over and didn't result in marriage, like some other people here are reporting. Oh, and she's a psychologist by profession. I'd wager she knew exactly what she was doing.

  • Grisel Almanza
    Grisel Almanza 2 years ago +890

    Here from Stephanie's channel. She is so sweet. I feel horrible for the way they made her feel.

    • Whitney Rose
      Whitney Rose Year ago +3

      @hanna m She's a beautiful soul. Sometimes we look at people and think, "Wow, if only l were that physically beautiful, everything in my life would be perfect."
      Everyone goes through challenges in life. We can either allow them to make us bitter or better.

    • Donutia Gacha!
      Donutia Gacha! Year ago +3

      vanesska kovacova ru-clip.com/video/RU-Okmkh7vU/video.html

    • Sophia Wolthof
      Sophia Wolthof Year ago

      @Suesan Borts-Bredall f

    • vanessa kovacova
      vanessa kovacova 2 years ago +8

      Can somebody tell me what happened to her?

    • Opinionated Jenie
      Opinionated Jenie 2 years ago +3

      ✋ Same

  • P.M 1983
    P.M 1983 3 years ago +75

    Awesome on point video. Once i started to realize i was being manipulated by my husband, i began to not tolerate his abuse anymore and i learned to stand up for myself. Now the next step is trying to get out of my situation. I was in a fog for 13 years. I have 4 kids with a narc husband but im planning my escape.

    • ford sheila
      ford sheila 2 years ago +1

      Good for you ! I have a daughter is married to a Manipulator they have five kids that I never get to see I our talk to I pray she wake up soon at less for the kids sake...

    • Saeed Smith
      Saeed Smith 2 years ago +1

      Yup me 2

    • MiaMai1520
      MiaMai1520 2 years ago +3

      You got this....

    • Connda Pierce
      Connda Pierce 3 years ago +8

      Good for you. I have two kids and I was with my husband for 33 years. I lost who I was. I escaped 8 years ago. I asked God to help me find out who He meant me to be and He has been.

  • Prabhav Gautam
    Prabhav Gautam 2 years ago +1

    I feel like watching this video gave me so many insight on certain people. I feel like I see a lot of this happening in my relationship with that person. But thank you for giving me an insight on my situation.

  • titani magalasi
    titani magalasi Year ago

    I love this..I recently started to stand my ground and people who took advantage aren't happy but I am..

  • Cheusing Her
    Cheusing Her 2 years ago +1

    Here after Stephanie Soo’s video too, and I’ve realized after watching this video that I’m too much of a people pleaser, I guess I still need to learn how to love myself and respect myself enough to say no or my truth when I need to, to stand my ground, so I don’t feel used or manipulated by anyone ever. It’s gonna take lots of time, practice and bravery, but I’ve learned something very valuable after watching Stephanie Soo’s video and this one. Yeah, I’m a guy, but I’ve been that guy who’s been too nice to people(besides my siblings 😅), to some that don’t deserve my kindness.. so I guess this video gave me a little clarity to how I am, and how I act. I guess this is what I need to change in myself.

  • LoveyDovey Doll
    LoveyDovey Doll Year ago +14

    My Ex-Boyfriend always manipulated me into things that I didn’t want to do, and I think he knew I didn’t want to do that stuff. He hurt me, and I thought that that was okay because it was my first relationship. Sorry for randomly putting this in the comment section, I needed a place to let my feelings out 😅

    • Sreeja Malka
      Sreeja Malka Year ago

      Never say sorry, unless u know u hurt someone or made a mistake

  • Karl Vanzat
    Karl Vanzat 2 years ago

    Thank you for posting, easy to digest and to the point, very useful.🙏🏽

  • Aaron Austrie
    Aaron Austrie Year ago

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Much appreciated 🙏🏾🙏🏾

  • Mary Jane
    Mary Jane 6 months ago

    Thank you I’m an empath and my husband is a manipulative mentally abusive partner. He’s drained me emotionally and I became depressed. This is helpful for me thank you! 🙏❤️

    • Farida Aali
      Farida Aali 6 months ago

      Me too his evil n very cruel n can does get phsically abusive

  • WarpTV Section42
    WarpTV Section42 2 years ago +17

    I know when manipulative people try to pull the wool over my eyes. One of my siblings always tried to manipulate me but I have a sharp wit and a creative imagination.

  • J Marie Hill
    J Marie Hill 4 years ago +53

    Excellent advice! The best way to identify these individuals is to say "NO".

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +16

      J Marie Hill exactly.. that is always when an abusive or manipulative person will reveal themselves. They don’t like hearing that word.

  • Zenmaster67
    Zenmaster67 Year ago +1

    Oh my goodness, I feel i am going through this and just lately finally recognizing it. Question: can manipulative people change, or are they doomed? How do you get them to recognize the behaviour or am I the "pulling the rip cord, " point?

    • Nurble
      Nurble 3 months ago +2

      Here as someone who is kind of a manipulative narcissist.... Is all mainly up to them,they can have all of the proof in front of them but they won't accept it so easily,will look for any way to go away from the guilt or recognition,there can even be cases where they are perfectly aware it's bad and just keep doing it,..I'm not really sure how to make them realize though...I found out about me on my own and yet keep struggling with actually accepting it,took me about 9 years to do so..
      But it really depends on big part on them,if they're ready to face guilt and actually see that they're the problem