How to Handle a Manipulative Person | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

40 years and I'm just learning this. I now realize I wasn't depressed, it was the manipulative people I was around that used me that stressed me out to the point of depression.

Tell them NO, and don't let them guilt trip you about it either!

Nothing ever really fixes a relationship with a manipulative person except dissolving the relationship. Neither party can win the game of identifying who is the perpetrator and who is the victim.

Watching this made me realize that i’m not the victim, i’m actually the manipulative one.And there’s a lot to work out and improve on.

As someone who manipulated a family member, I learned my lesson the hard way. I’m trying to change my ways and this really described what I was like

I changed my personality pretty much completely - started to love myself & express my opinions and all my toxic friends vanished from my life. Now new better ones will come :)))) love the video thank u

Love how you just.get to the point. No selling of your book, no demand for s.m. attention, no advertisement for your brand. Subbed. Thanks.

My ex dropped by and told me his problems where he lives. He says he needs to move. I said ok let me know how the move goes. This is a manipulative trick he tried to see if I would feel guilty or sad for him. Don't be a doormat and never allow people to use you

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is such a power move! I love it.

I am experiencing this to the tee with a friend of 13 years. I am finally able to see through her manipulative behaviors but it took me this long to figure it out. At this moment in time (before I watched this video) I am trying to stand my ground. I have taken time to reflect on the feelings I get when we communicate and it's been an emotional rollercoaster through out our entire relationship and I am tired. I am ready to move on but she's digging her claws in deeper the more she can sense me pulling away and realizing she can't continue to influence me. It's been quite the experience really, a very long one but also a very important lesson. I was afraid to stop being friends with her because I didn't have a sense of self and it's true the more I start to put myself first, the more clearly I am able to see.

There isn’t a need nor is it wise to say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” One, It is not your responsibility how they feel nor (2) to validate them. State your boundaries,be consistent and stand firm. Stay strong everyone!

Thank you for the tips. In the past, I've had well-meaning friends telling me that I "gave too much". I didn't quite understand what they meant at first because I thought I was being a good daughter/ friend being generous and helpful. It wasn't until when I was pushed to my limits that I understood what they meant. Now, I've learn to say "no" but sometimes, I still struggle with d guilty feeling of doing so. Hopefully, I'll get to d point of being confident of myself someday.

I’ve had suspicions for most of my life that my mother is a manipulative person, and this video really confirmed that for me.

I went through it all from beginning to end lol. First I said no then I got the guilt the shame, then I stood my ground and then the abuse and bullying started and it lasted months! Lots of revenge and even turning innocent children against me. Apparently this person got really mad with a simple no which shows his character.

Wow, this describes the person i was dealing with so perfectly im getting so mindblown

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. After over 40 years of this EXACT treatment I finally understand how my once reasonably secure nature has been battered into submission. Luckily I still have enough underlying emotional strength to be able to turn the tide using your recovery methods and it is a fantastic feeling. For the first time I am experiencing the feeling that people refer to as "liberating".

I feel like im recovering myself when listening to you.

This is gold and my husband completely agrees that this is his 35 year old sister, still living at home. He already started to create boundaries for his own life and wants to cultivate a heathy relationship with me. Thank you for making this video.

The "childlike" part is the key. I dealt with several manipulative people, their age ranging from mid-teens to late forties. Both sexes. They all shared the childlike mentality. Thank You very much for the video, it's very helpful.

I followed this advice to a tee; to a tee, and it was sooo helpful. Absolutely everything you said would happen, happened. But it’s fine. Bar one emotional outburst on my part, I managed to stay in my truth and say ‘no’ to a sibling who was using me. What an excellent video! I think I have found the strength to stand up to these manipulators and no longer be roped into doing stuff for them when it isn’t on my terms. 👏

This speaks to me on every level! My grandmother is very manipulative. Everything is a game, every question is loaded and has a motive either to know what I’m doing or so she can corner me in to doing something for her. Guilt tripping and childlike moods if you don’t do or give her what she wants. Constantly wanting me to do what she wants me to do when she decides. Anytime I say no it’s a guilt trip or an exhausting explanation. I end up trying to ignore or avoid her when I feel it getting to the stage where I want to erupt. This video helps me put a lot in to perspective thank you

WOW...you are so right. I thought I was loosing it by standing up for my self but good to hear someone else tell me that I am not crazy!. Thank you!

I have a friend that does this to me as well. I've known them my entire life and Im not sure what to do. This video is very informative. I came from Stephanie Soo and I'm glad you could help the both of us.

Handling manipulative person:
1) Know what you want and how you feel
2) Stand your ground
3) Be prapered for backlash (i do many things for you and..)
Best thing to say: I'm sorry you feel that way

Wow so much of what you said in this video has been internal "nudges" that I have been feeling for a long while, that I just couldn't wrap enough internal dialogue around in order to transform into revelation until now. Thank You so much🙂Seriously, I watched this video twice❤️

"YOU ARE SPOT ON STEPHANIE! THIS IS AN SUCH AN IMPORTANT SUBJECT MATTER.......KEEP UP THE GREAT SHRINK WORK TO HELP PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN MENTAL MAKE UP & THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.......A 2 BIG THUMPS UP TO YOU & THIS VIDEO!"

I can relate to what you said in your video. I am guilty of being a people pleaser and I know I need to learn self love. And I always feel that I have to explain myself when I say “no” to someone because I was afraid of making that person angry with me.

This was amazing!♥️I needed these tips and I’m so learning to say no, And it feels so good.

I've just dealt with a scenario a couple weeks ago where one of my friends lashed out at me because I told him no regarding me helping him out with his car issues since he acted so selfish/manipulative in a lot of different instances throughout our friendship.
Ironically, it didn't leave a mark or a trace on me like it had done years prior.
I'm finally fucking free!
Great video btw!

I have recently came to realization that my dad is emotionally manipulative. After years and years I have finally connected the dots. Going to step up boundaries to protect myself!

Hi nikocado avocado, if you’re watching this I hope that you go to a psychiatrist immediately. Stop creating words out of people mouths. Stop being a literal brat. Stop being a brat that when it doesn’t gets what it wants, start throwing shame, and lying about others. Stop trying to make yourself feel better than someone. I’m sorry, but I really hope that you feel what stephanie is feeling. Something you do to someone, will comeback 100 times worse. Bye.

Yes! And the first thing you mention is boundaries. Conveying to others the importance of your personal (and even biz) boundaries is key.

This is a perfect example of my sister. I took care of her, let her live with me, just so she can sleep with my husband! And still to this day, wants me to feel sorry for her!! I'm standing my ground with EVERYONE FROM NOW ON!!

This is me through and through. I’ve suffered with doubting myself and manipulation and guilt and people pleasing ever since I was a little kid. And it’s tearing my life apart even now. When you say, you feel like you’ll be seen as a bad person, I do get that. And then I get so mad at myself for not being able to defend myself... when I should be getting mad at the people who made me this way... I need to find a way to love myself and be sure of myself even if everyone around me hates me. I’ve only ever had a few people in my life actually respect me when I had enough courage to say no... the rest just make me feel bad for not doing something and want me to explain why or start questioning me, to the point where it’s easier to say yes and put my feelings aside than to deal with people and the aftermath of when I say no...

You are saving my life, for the first time in my life I can see all of my confusion clearly. You are amazing and my daughter who is also co-dependent says it's like having a best friend that understands you. I finally see that it wasn't all me. Thanks so much.

This is 4 yrs ago but this is what I've been looking for to hear. One of the best things I've heard in life. I am a victim of manipulative people and I'm traumatized for years

If I say "I'm sorry you feel that way" then he comes back with, "I don 't want you to apologize" or ""I'm not asking for an apology" and it just goes around again.

"Putting yourself First" this is the first time I heard this saying. B'cos people say you should never put yourself first and that took every piece of me and didn't allow me live the life I wanted. BUT not Anymore. Thanks for this Insightful video and helping us to live a better life 😊

I just had an epiphany about my red thread thru my three major relationships. All three manipulative and me insecure. Since I have started to work on myself I have more and more become aware of peoples bs and also partners. It means that I actually starting to genuinely love myself and that’s amazing. Thank you for this video so much! Exactly what I needed to hear tonight! Wow!

Thank you so much for this! I’m actually feeling emotional right now because this is exactly what my boss is like. We went from having a sister like relationship to having a completely broken, negative relationship, in fact her relationship broke down with almost everyone around her.

Good video. But there's also the "buffer" situation. It's harder to deal with a manipulator that's using a boss or relative to hurt others. I mean, some manipulators are really good in picking out weakness to the point that good people often get hurt.

Love your Channel Stephanie, such wise words. I think apologising for someone else’s feelings is an overused phrase and can come across as passive. We can’t apologise for how someone feels because they are their own feelings. We can only apologise for our own behaviour. But you are right, that is good to acknowledge how someone feels and that is the right thing to do. I find your videos super helpful xxx

My dad taught me a line that I that I used a lot. "If you need a answer right now it is NO.

I have a friend who's manipulative and conniving like that. I've just been learning how to deal with her. Thank you for the video ❤️

Such an amazing video! This was the first one I watched regarding narcissism and start down the path of breaking free.

You are so spot on, describing my wife to the “T”!!
I started setting my grounds in a very slow place. Right away my wife notices and starts to pout. She owns her own feeling and I won’t acknowledge. Thx Coach!!

Wow, how I wish I had heard this message 20 years ago! I just might have realized that the person I was about to marry was very manipulative, I just did not see it when we were courting or when we were engaged. Indeed my feelings for her then were very much in line with the reactions from all of our mutual acquaintances when she died during the Covid-19 pandemic.
I now suspect that our relatively short engagement was her first manipulation.
Most, if not all, of the characteristics you mentioned started to appear within a few months of us getting married. Making threats if I said "no" to something she wanted, she nearly always wanted it "now", or tomorrow at the latest. This developed into name calling e.g. "You are a useless waste of space" etc. After about 5 years and one nervous breakdown I seized an opportunity to move out. A new relationship? Very unlikely.
I have forgiven her, but I cannot forget.

My goodness! I don't know why I haven't found your channel before. You describe my Ex's family and the dealings with me to a tee! I have watched this 3 times now. I am now working on my self worth and understanding this depressed state. Very empowering for me! Thank you so much!

I’m so glad Stephanie Soo linked this bc I know I really needed to hear this so I’m sure so many of you needed it too. We’ll get through this 💜

Thank you so much for your lesson!!! 💜It helped me so much to realize what was going on in my life

Thank you so much, I’m so Blessed to find you. I’m just find it about this behavior, getting out of a 12 years relationship with a narcissist. Only when I left everything behind I find out about this behavior . I being isolated for a while but it’s being worse since last year . I really appreciate it all your videos. Good Blessings for you and your family. Feeling more strong to understand and know this behavior.

I was manipulative at one point without realising it, I'd manipulate my friend by saying I wouldn't be friends with him anymore unless he did what I told him. Happened when I was 8, I aint gonna make any excuses as I know what I did was wrong, but I've realised my mistakes and changed my personality and I'm actually really good friends with that person now.

Hey I’m here after the drama, but also for myself. This was an awesome powerful video thank you so much this is pure gold and really hits the spot:)

This is literally my life right now. Today I’m expecting the backlash of telling a friend no. And I’m ready for it!

I love your coaching videos. They are valuable lessons to me in handling difficult people or conversations. Thank you so much!

you just described my sister, she is highly manipulative...I cut my sister out of my life about a year ago...I was drained from her...now I have my life back and I am so much happier

Wow!! When I realized that I am married to manipulator narcissist husband. I found myself alone with no friends or family who no longer talk to me because I pushed them so far away for my husband jealousy over them. Now I am filing for divorce and preparing myself for the fight of my life.....

I felt so invalidated by the abuse my mum was exhibiting until this video. I know she loves me and still has her good side which makes it so much harder to let go but this is what I face nearly everyday. Thank you for this.

I've recently done exactly that said "no" to having my narcissist father in law for christmas family lunch which I know would've upset me and it felt good standing firm in the face of the barrage that followed: "You are selfish, you're horrible ect"... It took many years unfortunately for me to realize that behind the veneer of a humility one can be dealing with the most vicious and inciduous forces of covert narcissism... Well, the table has turned now...

This was very helpful. I'm still learning how to set boundaries for myself because I always end up caving on them. It's just really hard to say no.

Saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" also implies that their emotions may be distorting their thinking and that they may need time to process a larger picture.

Stephanie, I appreciate your full explanation of something I've learned in bits and pieces. Namaste 🙏

Thank you for the information and the advice! This was very helpful and I'm sharing it with people I love ❤

I'm going through all of this right now with my fiancé. This was a very helpful video. I need to watch it everyday. I really liked "I'm sorry that you feel that way". I've been taking so much hurtful talk from him it's hard to ignore it.

A woman who clearly understands about manipulation & realises that it is not a healthy practice for relationships is truely a rare and beautiful thing.

Thank you, I will definitely use these tips. I’m sure it will hurt them when I say “ I’m sorry you feel like that “ 😂😂 as they will be expecting a different reaction such as “ okay I will do it for you. Thank you for these videos, they are so helpful

Thank you! You really are beautiful inside and out. I hope more people take the time to watch and listen to your channel and keep learning about abuse! Kathryn.

I like this channel, so I feel the need to point out something that bothers me, with the intention of helping. I guess it's akin to how I would expect a friend to provide me with healthy feedback if they saw something I was doing that bothered them.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is extremely inflammatory. Apologizing for other's emotions is accepting responsibility, and we are not at all responsible for the reaction of others. Especially when what we are doing is taking care of ourselves by not doing something that makes us uncomfortable for the sake of comforting someone else.
An alternative phrase might be "I hate that you feel that way" or "it's unfortunate that you are having this reaction/feeling" or "I know it sucks to feel like that".
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is almost a gaslighting phrase because it dismisses the other person's feelings/thoughts/opinions, therefore invalidating their experience.
I do find value in the rest of what is said here, and with the channel in general. I am subscribed, and use the techniques suggested quite often.
Thank you.

This was amazing, I feel so so much more powerful, I had no idea how much I would relate to this

The best video in manipulation ! The only way you stop a manipulator is when you love yourself and know your value ! Love this !!!!!!

I am so glad I came across this video today. You have no idea how much I needed this and how much it has and will help me going forward. Thank you!

I'll need to listen to this like everyday, My dad is very manipulating so i used to cry all the time but i'm so over it now.

Thank you so much for your help Stephanie. I'm 78 years old and still having to ask for help. Makes me sick literally. Again, thank you sincerely and God bless you. M. L. 🌷

This was one of the videos that helped me stop doubting myself and gave me the courage to end a bad relationship.

Great video. Well presented. Im 41. A man. And I had two people who I was very close to manipulating me for years. One was a relationship the other my best friend. I was so blind to the tactics. I admittedly had low self esteem from past trauma that I didnt deal with. I removed these two people from my life around a 6 months ago. My best friend is now a friend that I see once a month.
I made the realization around 6 months ago. Since I removed the manipulators from my life I am so much happier. One thing you dont realise is how much time they suck out of you. Take your freedom back from manipulating people. Ultimately I discovered they were envious of me. But I work hard for my money. They take what ever they can get.

It's so amazing how you have described so accurately how a couple of people close to me are. I've been asking myself how to deal with them and I found this video very useful. Thank you so very much! Greetings from Brazil

Now it makes sense. When I stay calm and say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or, "let's just agree to disagree" as they can never be wrong about anything, WHY they think you're talking to them like they're a child.
Thankyou

I'm actually in a situation rn where I have to deal with a manipulative relative. Usually, I just kick manipulators out of my environment, but since this person is family, I cannot.
This has helped a lot. Thank you!

This was excellent advice, thank you Stephanie.

When I started to love myself, my soul healed then my mind & body followed. It took around 11 years. I was once a people pleaser now I'm a self-advocate for my healthy lifestyle. Funny that nobody even tries to manipulate me now bc I'm not their type & they know it.

The phrase: I am sorry you feel that way ! Is a great thing we can say to somebody abusive. Thank you.

WOW!
This info was my "GOLDEN TICKET" for today.
Thank you for getting me prepared.

so perfect!!! this is exactly how my ex is. I was missing him and look about manipulation videos just to remind myself everything i went through

Thank you so much. I just got out of a relationship with a person like this. It was seriously was the worst emotional situation I've ever experienced. Lies upon lies. Always blaming me for her problems. A rare ability to make me feel like I was the problem. I finally had to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself life's too short, leave.

Dealt with a narcissistic, emotionally manipulative father my whole life. My healing started the day I said no and blocked his ass.

Key word. Entitlement. It's tricky when someone is gaslighting you. Standing in your truth and clearly holding a boundary doesn't make you a crappy daughter, guilt, shame, name calling and worse, sabotaging your marriage... I've learned to stay in control emotionally and not bend to their whim.

Stephanie... You have a lovely way of expressing your understanding of these demons.... Thank you for making such a difference.

Perfectly, I repeat, perfectly described my ex. It seems like you knew her in person and described how she is and how she behaves. Thankfully it lasted for only 3 months. I felt the warmth was missing throughout the relationship but I kept going because she's charming and beautiful as hell. So happy it's over and didn't result in marriage, like some other people here are reporting. Oh, and she's a psychologist by profession. I'd wager she knew exactly what she was doing.

Here from Stephanie's channel. She is so sweet. I feel horrible for the way they made her feel.

Awesome on point video. Once i started to realize i was being manipulated by my husband, i began to not tolerate his abuse anymore and i learned to stand up for myself. Now the next step is trying to get out of my situation. I was in a fog for 13 years. I have 4 kids with a narc husband but im planning my escape.

I feel like watching this video gave me so many insight on certain people. I feel like I see a lot of this happening in my relationship with that person. But thank you for giving me an insight on my situation.

I love this..I recently started to stand my ground and people who took advantage aren't happy but I am..

Here after Stephanie Soo’s video too, and I’ve realized after watching this video that I’m too much of a people pleaser, I guess I still need to learn how to love myself and respect myself enough to say no or my truth when I need to, to stand my ground, so I don’t feel used or manipulated by anyone ever. It’s gonna take lots of time, practice and bravery, but I’ve learned something very valuable after watching Stephanie Soo’s video and this one. Yeah, I’m a guy, but I’ve been that guy who’s been too nice to people(besides my siblings 😅), to some that don’t deserve my kindness.. so I guess this video gave me a little clarity to how I am, and how I act. I guess this is what I need to change in myself.

My Ex-Boyfriend always manipulated me into things that I didn’t want to do, and I think he knew I didn’t want to do that stuff. He hurt me, and I thought that that was okay because it was my first relationship. Sorry for randomly putting this in the comment section, I needed a place to let my feelings out 😅

Thank you for posting, easy to digest and to the point, very useful.🙏🏽

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Much appreciated 🙏🏾🙏🏾

Thank you I’m an empath and my husband is a manipulative mentally abusive partner. He’s drained me emotionally and I became depressed. This is helpful for me thank you! 🙏❤️

I know when manipulative people try to pull the wool over my eyes. One of my siblings always tried to manipulate me but I have a sharp wit and a creative imagination.

Excellent advice! The best way to identify these individuals is to say "NO".

Oh my goodness, I feel i am going through this and just lately finally recognizing it. Question: can manipulative people change, or are they doomed? How do you get them to recognize the behaviour or am I the "pulling the rip cord, " point?