The lethality of loneliness: John Cacioppo at TEDxDesMoines

  • Published on Sep 9, 2013
  • In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 1 898

  • apteryx01
    apteryx01 8 days ago

    At about 2:00, he said that "Opposites attract" and "Birds of a feather flock together" can't both be true, because "they're internally inconsistent." This does not bode well for the rest of the talk, but I'm going to keep watching. Sometimes people are plain wrong about one thing but right about something they take sincere interest in. It would be nice if he got to his point soon, though.
    At about 14:00, I think he's finally getting to the point. Loneliness makes you feel like you're in danger, which is stressful and favors various bad forms of behavior, which increases chances of illness and death.
    At about 16:00, he brings up what you can do about loneliness. "Take responsibility for your actions toward others." "Respond" to the fact that you're lonely. Promote individual and collective connectedness. Volunteer in a zoo or a TEDx event. Don't wait.
    Sorry, not much here, and it's all delivered in a constant tone of trying too hard to sound urgent and authoritative.

  • David Fortier
    David Fortier 8 days ago

    This man has the wrong idea of what science is.

  • BL33
    BL33 10 days ago

    looks like im 75% likely to die early

  • new channel
    new channel 20 days ago

    So would that be a way of determining possible socially threatening people that are a danger to society?

  • Cristian Ilie
    Cristian Ilie Month ago

    10:04 I should be dead

  • antonpetrovichkoch
    antonpetrovichkoch Month ago

    There's a lot of people who suffer from loneliness here, but it is difficult to suggest solutions without knowing details. Making friends is a hard one - I was told by a teacher in school that I need to make some friends, so my mum told me I must do it so I did. Those friends aren't my current friends, but since then I learnt new skills and made many real friends.
    The first thing I learned was that if you feel people around you don't like you or don't care, you're probably wrong. You may be suffering from social anxiety, which is entirely natural, especially if you're young. Be more confident - people likely do like you, you might just not see it. If you're really struggling, and you know you have friends but you just don't believe they care, see a doctor.
    What followed was I learned was that you need to be yourself and to have something special about yourself. This often means being different in some way - for me it was being argumentative and loving chocolate to excess. The people who will love you will love you anyway, and you won't waste time on those who don't. Your confidence will attract people. Don't be afraid to lose friends by being yourself.
    But also be aware. This is the second thing I learned. Smile to everyone. Be nice to everyone. Even if they don't respond. Have humane opinions rather than individualistic. Do a self-check- are you being unreasonable or shirty with others? Are you shouting loudly about some political view to people who are not interested? Be there for others and be there when they need you. Here is the thing - being a friend is even more satisfying than having a friend.
    Third thing I learned was - show your vulnerability. Your friends can't help you unless they know you need help. People fall in love with vulnerability, people want to help, and that's how people will learn to care. It doesn't matter if you're male or female - vulnerability is what makes us human. You might have a great personality, but if you don't show vulnerability, people will never know the real you.
    The fourth thing I learned is you need to engineer the practical opportunities for the exchange of conversation and emotions - don't get upset if you're not invited to something - organise something of your own - inviting everyone round for a cup of tea at university did wonders. Organise a film night, a trip to the cinema or the ballet- whatever rocks your boat. Go to the pub, play some board games, organise a picnic, cook some dinner. Don't only ever go clubbing and increase the time in these situations when you can all just talk without being drunk. This is not about offering something, it's about creating time to be friends and showing people you like them. It's not enough to just be nice or funny.
    And finally, sometimes it's not you, it's them. Go somewhere else for a time, see if the people in your home town are different. It's a controversial one, because you will be able to make friends with those already there, but you might also want to meet people more like yourself. I found that at school I felt weird for loving classical music and for enjoying political discussions with my left wing views. But when I came to university, I found all those things were normal and I felt so much more comfortable - I was no longer a geek, but just average. This is more for those who are at school - people change as they grow up, and you have less control over who you spend your time with.
    That's all there is to it. I hope it can help at least a couple of people.

  • Chris L
    Chris L Month ago

    Our lifespan is abbreviated because life keeps telling us that it doesn't want us here.

  • Mari Henderson
    Mari Henderson Month ago +1

    Very good presentation, much enjoyed

  • josh colbert
    josh colbert Month ago

    "get connected" sounds soooooooooo easy

  • Political Fashionista

    he died at 67... being social was lethal. lol what a clown

  • Political Fashionista

    "much of what's triggered by social isolation is non-conscious." and also social isolation is non-conscious. social isolation leads to lack of breeding which in turn leads to the decrease of the population, which in turn is useful for two things.
    1. the earth can't bear so many morons on it, therefore the morons must disappear.
    2. the earth doesn't have so many resources to keep all the high consumers on it, therefore the high consumers must disappear.
    In the past there were wars erasing the morons from the face of the earth, now since a nuclear war would destroy the morons altogether, the self-preservation mechanism of the earth is to decimate the morons through loneliness.
    Nothing to worry about really, since our individual life and society don't worth a penny in the universe.
    Many people perceive their loneliness as being a gift from god, because it really, is in this day and age.

  • Political Fashionista

    "feeling isolated from those around you is also part of a biological early warning machinery to alert you to threats and damage to your social body which you also need to survive and prosper. " no, dude. feeling isolated from those around you is just a part of the breeding mechanism.

  • Political Fashionista
    Political Fashionista Month ago +1

    our survival depends on our collective abilities, not on our individual mind. yet the greatest scientists who brought comfort into our lives were all alone.

  • vincentmack37
    vincentmack37 2 months ago

    Great now I know how damaging loneliness is.

  • Ekalabya Mohanty
    Ekalabya Mohanty 2 months ago +2

    Really I am an exception to the study that he stated around the 12-13 minute mark. The more lonelier I get the more empathic I become. But who knows.

  • Jewel J.
    Jewel J. 2 months ago +1

    To everyone struggling with loneliness, depression and other disorders, I hope life is kind to you from now on

  • Ben Clarks
    Ben Clarks 2 months ago

    Loneliness can help people too however, you do not need a social life or anything of the sorts to find your place in this world

  • Lisa Colbert
    Lisa Colbert 2 months ago

    If only it killed faster .

  • Alpha Texan
    Alpha Texan 2 months ago

    Why am I not dead yet?

  • Felix Bruyns
    Felix Bruyns 2 months ago

    No one can "prove" empirically that there is or is not a God. But if there is, then the only solution to loneliness is not cognitive or social, but religious. If God exists, then no one is alone. Seeking God with sincerity, even if it means following some rules, is the only conceivable way out of loneliness.

  • Digital Paula
    Digital Paula 2 months ago

    I love that "we are all rugged individualists"

  • finnmacool
    finnmacool 3 months ago +1

    I gave up on people a long time ago.....people have disappointed and hurt me too many times.. ..Im actually happy being alone because I have found inner peace.. i don't have to deal with other peoples drama anymore.. also Happiness comes from within .. its not something that can be found outside of yourself

  • sleep depp vegas
    sleep depp vegas 3 months ago

    This video really touched me

  • CRM6718
    CRM6718 3 months ago +2

    I'm so going to die early....

  • Free
    Free 4 months ago +1

    Just order your psyche in solitude. Loneliness is only toxic when the isolated person's direction in life depends on other people. If you know your way you require no social interaction.

  • Jesus Satan
    Jesus Satan 4 months ago +2

    If you're surrounded by assholes solitude is a bliss.

  • Fulla Disney
    Fulla Disney 5 months ago +1

    please I have a question what comes first ? thinking or feelings

  • Fulla Disney
    Fulla Disney 5 months ago +1

    i am a person of values i live for it i die for it i fight the world for it as soon as I don't hurt it is my right to choose to be lonely and honestly I learnt from my loneliness much better than being with others I am inspired by the theories much better than the reality .iam lonely not because of others I respect all of them and I am not seeing any exception on me . I just give importance to humanity much better than I give it to objects . unfortunately I ve met a lot of people giving importance to objects and forgetting about human feelings . they don't how much great they are and we are all . but even being lonely I think about people and I want to good things to them . being lonely is just to increase creativity in my head and my soul

  • manicsurfing
    manicsurfing 5 months ago

    @2:09 i disagree with the part that "both self evident truths cant be true" and so doesn't buddism.

  • Glorious Waifu 89
    Glorious Waifu 89 5 months ago

    I have made peace with my hallucinations thank you solitude thank you

  • Tracy Bush
    Tracy Bush 5 months ago

    Loneliness is not a phase.......
    ~Layne Staley

  • Nunayo Bisnez
    Nunayo Bisnez 6 months ago

    What he says about becoming hypervigilant against perceived negative responses from other hits home for me because that's become an issue for me. Have also come to the same conclusion he has about volunteering or becoming a part of something bigger than me and my selfish, small world is key to feeling better. Not a good thing at all to sit and ruminate alone so much.

  • daddy sprinkle
    daddy sprinkle 6 months ago

    I think the thing most of us introverts need to realize is that no one knows we are lonely but ourselves and maybe our family. So when we go in public, the only person that thinks we are different are ourselves. And we just can’t overcome that and it’s hard

  • Zak Adoke
    Zak Adoke 6 months ago


  • Artemis
    Artemis 6 months ago +1

    Brilliant! Everything he said was very true. Especially the part where the brain can not feel empathy or be able to walk in someone else's shoes when you are in self preservation mode. Sad but true.

    • Alexis Ray
      Alexis Ray 6 months ago

      Crazy righteous info, huh? Wow! It explains narcissism, in a way, frankly. Man, we gotta figure out how we can fix this. It's expensive and it's dangerous. BUT it is preventable, they say. Yes, it seems the world's people have lost empathy for one another but that doesn't signal an end, right? Have you heard of Sidewalk Talk, yet? They're helping in so many ways. Yay.

  • Radagast Brown
    Radagast Brown 7 months ago +1

    Okay, lonely people are dangerous, got it. Thanks.

  • Radagast Brown
    Radagast Brown 7 months ago

    With less than three minutes to go, is he going to offer any solution suggestions?

  • Radagast Brown
    Radagast Brown 7 months ago

    He says lonely people are stigmatized, and then he goes on to stigmatize us more. Being lonely absolutely does not make me less empathetic.
    The rest I am sure is all true.

  • flower love
    flower love 7 months ago +1

    Mr.(?) Cacioppo, I'm so happy that I listened to your video. It was everything I've been looking for, helpful, and so well done!

  • Tim Last
    Tim Last 7 months ago

    This is very true. Help me

  • Brexit is the end of Britain

    People are rewarded by being fake. To gain money and status, to expand and grow. Building a fake persona to fit into a highly mobile modern world.
    Should you show weakness or sadness, admit failure, you will be cast aside.

    JACK LIVES HERE 8 months ago

    It was hard to lisent, so it is true. -.-

  • micaUSA
    micaUSA 8 months ago

    Well, thanks for the obvious. Yes I’m alone. I’m going to die sooner. Thanks for confirming. If I had friends or family with me, I wouldn’t be alone.

  • Margo Lockweeze
    Margo Lockweeze 8 months ago

    Well, If being alone in a crowd = Early Death? Then what's the HOLD UP! LET GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

  • Nikola Nebulus
    Nikola Nebulus 8 months ago


  • boo boo
    boo boo 8 months ago

    All 3 of us are very happy.

  • Fir Las
    Fir Las 8 months ago

    Another huge BS - loneliness is NO disease!!!

  • jasper h.
    jasper h. 8 months ago

    If you are going to show statistics in the form of bar charts don’t manipulate them. It is not hard to find that the red “shocking” bar is 12 times bigger than the air pollution bar. I am not great at mental math’s but I am quite sure that you divide 45 by 5 you get 9 instead of 12. This is a significant difference especially if the gray bars of alcohol and obesity are of by just a small margin. You lose a lot of credibility if you start to mislead and present things that are just factually wrong. Great job ted for not checking this before letting this guy present this online. To show how I calculated this (and if other people want to check). I took a screenshot of this at full screen in 720p on a screen with a resolution of 1366 by 768, I measured the pixels and divided them through the 5% bar
    5%=51px long=1 (duh) should be: 1
    20%=193 px long= 3.784314 should be:4
    30%=298 px long= 5.843137 should be:6
    45%=616 px long= 12.07843 should be:9
    In conclusion misleading charts should be checked beforehand it is sad that someone can present things as factual whilst misleading people to get them to believe him. And yes loneliness is something we should do something about… but with facts and not lies

  • Major PainDiaz
    Major PainDiaz 9 months ago

    Yeah, I will get connected as soon as I find a way to eliminate *HEIGHTISM* 😒

  • Joestar
    Joestar 9 months ago

    synchronicity at one point, snoot is depicted as very lonely 10:34

  • Kitebuggy
    Kitebuggy 9 months ago

    I suffer from Loneliness and Depression for 30 Years now. Only very few people can even imagine the bitterness that can develop through this. I very often hear things like : "Leave the house, meet people, you need to socialize ... " and so on.
    Well, i can`t anymore. It makes me feel even worse. But i find some comfort when spending time with Dogs.
    And i`m absolutely certain that these Animals can sense when a person feels isolated and lonely.

    • Alexis Ray
      Alexis Ray 6 months ago +1

      I'm so sorry. I did, too. I had to reinvent myself from the inside-out or death over depression was a better outcome. Stay in the house and start researching organizations that help others, like Sidewalk Talk. Get involved in one that makes you feel excited when you read about it, OK? THEN you will have a reason to risk feeling 'odd' in a group for you will have found like-HEARTED souls who ALSO find JOY in helping others. You'll see. It will work, just keep trying to find that 'thing' that lights you up. Your decades of despair and depression are going to serve others somehow. LOOK for that and you will find it. Yes, dogs perceive your feelings. (So do cats, btw) Animals may be your path. Check it out. Hang in there, Kitebuggy.

  • Jay Macabre
    Jay Macabre 9 months ago

    Ive been severely neglected my whole life and wasnt aloud to have friends and if i talked to kids at school i was bullied and keep not being trust worthy,im 18 now,is there a way to reverse this?im still alone and i have no family or friends,i dont know how to make friends,i want to know if its possible to fix this issue

  • Ajandre1
    Ajandre1 9 months ago

    So was he trying to say loneliness makes you sleep less or more ?

  • mj
    mj 9 months ago

    Dude loneliness is like cancer man. It can seriously mess you up. I have been through some long periods of excruciating, mind-numbing loneliness and it seriously has aftereffects and messes up your personality. Try not to feel lonely too often.

  • Nania Transformation coach

    Just lost my long lost childhood love to suicide due to depression and isolation. this is so very true. Thank you for speaking this. IT IS SO VITALLY IMPORTANT to have a real life trusted person in your life in real time physical space.. I so regret not going to him, calling someone when I felt him disconnect to that dark & lonely place. I will never get over this.

  • atwaterpub
    atwaterpub 9 months ago +1

    I have no friends and no family. Nobody cares if I am dead or alive. This is my America.

  • RoboticusMusic
    RoboticusMusic 9 months ago +1

    Mark Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg must be locked away forever.

  • Robert L
    Robert L 9 months ago

    The majority of people will never understand how painful being truly alone is, imagine for 8 years of your life all the social situations you have been in all the people through people you met all the friends and memories you created, some of the best times in your life, then just erase that, all gone and replace it with sitting alone in your room everyday after work or school or college being confused as to why

  • Akatasz
    Akatasz 9 months ago

    Comments here make me depressed

  • Josiah Jones
    Josiah Jones 9 months ago

    Its crazy being depressed and alone as a teenager then seeing adults comment how they feel the same way like wow thats my future

    • Alexis Ray
      Alexis Ray 6 months ago

      your past does not have to equal your future Kenny. It is up to YOU. SEEK ways to reinvent yourself. If one can do it then all can, yes? Well, I did it. So you can, too. LOOK for new ideas and move forward babe. Untie those cement shoes...the laces are in your hands.

  • David Elago
    David Elago 10 months ago +1

    I looked him up finding out that he’s already dead. I feel sad. :(

    • Political Fashionista
      Political Fashionista Month ago

      the social life killed him. too many parties. lol

    • Alexis Ray
      Alexis Ray 6 months ago

      OH wow, I was just trying to look him up myself. Darn. WELLLL, he left one helluva legacy, didn't he? Bravooooo BraveSoul!

  • Are you 'avin a laugh? Is he 'avin a laugh?

    1:39 The statement that "opposites attract" is an utter misrepresentation of what actually happens when two magnets draw toward each other.

  • jude999
    jude999 10 months ago

    "It is not only sad, it is dangerous."

  • Claire Vicidomini
    Claire Vicidomini 10 months ago


  • IAm Shan
    IAm Shan 10 months ago

    All i want is to die, life is too hard and i can't even cry anymore.

  • Base Bass Forte
    Base Bass Forte 10 months ago

    i tried to suicide last night by taking pills losta pills.... ive never had any frteinds my parrentrs got divorced... im 27 and i still havvent fiogured out my life... im a failure.... im still ali8ve... i dont know what5 to do... i just got fired at my job dammit.!... now what? ?????

  • Sutapa Bhattacharya
    Sutapa Bhattacharya 10 months ago +2

    Who wants to live longer anyway?

  • SongSwan
    SongSwan 10 months ago

    For those who desire an abundance of interaction and don't have it being alone is tough,for those of us who do not require constant or abundant interaction not so much,apart from being told we and our lives are lacking we do just fine.

  • mudslinger888
    mudslinger888 10 months ago

    I was very social and a multi athletic dynamic type. I got a virus that results in relentless pain and neurological issues that make life miserable. I have so much left to do, buti cannot connect in person without paying a huge price. Not a depressive type yet i now consider what the point is. Yes even best friends and family fall away over years of no contact. It got much worse with my family mostly going Trump which has degraded our country in so many ways with greed dominating.

  • John Smith
    John Smith 10 months ago

    if i'm not 'lonely' i'm not's lonely on the growing edge...correction: i'm most lonely 'among people who 'socialize' with each other but not 'personalize' with each other....i have lived 'alone' for 40 years and never been less lonely...people who are 'dependent' on other humans for their 'well being', are lonely people...people who can joy in their imagination, memories and such they are the old age , if you have learned to love being alone you'll joy in your ideas, activities, imaginings and , now and then , other 'humanoids'...'ideas are more important than people'....

  • Chemtrail Seventysix
    Chemtrail Seventysix 11 months ago


  • Night Chidori
    Night Chidori 11 months ago

    Im 19. I gave up on making friends. 😂😂😂😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥🎾

  • Brendan Tannam
    Brendan Tannam 11 months ago +1

    I first noticed a bad trait in people when I was in a religion where marriage with unbelievers was frowned upon. The unmarried were looked on as losers, and the 'losers' looked on their fellow unmarried as losers too. They did not treat each other well. As an elderly man, I see the same thing. 'All the lonely people', as the song goes, seem to think very little of each other.

  • geeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz
    geeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz 11 months ago

    This is meaningful but it's getting out of the trough to start with. If anyone can arrange for me to go to Mars on a no return mission then that might perk me up. Just a thought lol.

  • Josh
    Josh 11 months ago

    This is so accurate to my experiences

  • mexicanfolife mexicanfolife

    im antisocial

  • Bruce A. Johnson
    Bruce A. Johnson Year ago

    At this moment, all I can hear, is his droning tone of voice. That dreary resonance of sonic waves, that makes me want to kill myself.

  • a64750
    a64750 Year ago

    Flat can't be proven, only argued. There's already decades of HD video Round proof

  • Sir Sid Fosse
    Sir Sid Fosse Year ago

    I like solitary, if I have a line of ants to watch.

  • Eloisa Schimanski

    Muito bom. Um dos melhores que já assisti. Obrigada.

  • Mendicant Bias
    Mendicant Bias Year ago

    Lonlieness guilde me to death free my humanity from this chain of rampancy, free me from this body.

  • Rigknot
    Rigknot Year ago

    Which science sources are giving this strange data?
    It is very easy to lie with statistics, ask me, I did a course in stats

  • Ashique Desai
    Ashique Desai Year ago

    This is a good subject but the talk could have been livelier.

  • Bonzo
    Bonzo Year ago

    I would rather be lonely than abuse by a woman

  • ferrari guy
    ferrari guy Year ago

    I would like to see a lecture on the positive aspects of being lonely. I think people with lots of "friends" are really jealous. They always need feedback where people like me just laugh inside at the world.

  • Papiringo
    Papiringo Year ago

    Loneliness is important to self motivate, to focus and concentrate, to reflect about what matters, to stop and rethink about what's coming, meditation is the greatest benefit we can give to our brain and soul, and to enhance our spirituality to get us closer to our creator. Loneliness is a must if we want to grow up. Loneliness is the key to really appreciate companionship.

  • Bellock_Grithlus
    Bellock_Grithlus Year ago

    this is the feeling i get when women ignore me on dating apps. so i quit. its not easy meeting people your age that you cant connect with. it can take years and lots of money

  • K. I. A
    K. I. A Year ago

    WHOA I FIT EVERYTHING IN THAT LIST!!! I haven't spoken to a person a year now I don't go out if I really need to I hate going on the bus I'm very insecure.

  • r richards
    r richards Year ago +1

    why are there so few viewa ? asks richard richards

  • Charlie Fox
    Charlie Fox Year ago

    I'm in my 40s and have struggled with this for years. Never went to university and workplaces were never that conducive to forming friendships. The biggest mystery for me has always been what do you literally do to meet a good variety of people on a regular basis? Of course nowadays things like MeetUp exist, which serve a purpose (albeit mainly for other desperately lonely people) but to meet people naturally is very challenging. Generally most lonely people (myself included) want to find group activities they at least "may" enjoy. More realistically however, they will be doing the activity for the purpose of meeting people firstmand foremost, so it becomes hard to switch off the feeling of neediness and try and just enjoy the moment/activity for what it is.
    The hardest thing is being out and seeing people in groups or couples having fun and feeling like you're an outsider watching the "normal" people do their thing. I'm sure many others feel the same way. I've spent many an evening (though not really religous) asking whatever god there might be "why is this so f^*king hard? I'm intelligent, good looking, the first to approach people in group settings. Yet I feel more alone than I ever have. Would love to meet a partner but when you can't find activities to do where you even have a chance at meeting someone (or when the attempts you do make feel forced or fruitless) it's hard to just be happy and content within yourself, and therefore be an attracfive proposition as a potential partner.

  • Mary Kolk
    Mary Kolk Year ago +1

    I loved Dr. Cacciopo's book, "Loneliness" and I was so privileged to see and hear his lecture at Baldwin Wallace University in Berea, OH a few years ago. He was an amazing man. So very sad that he passed away on March 5, 2018. What a loss to his family. What a loss to the world. Thank you Dr. Cacciopo for all your work on behalf of humanity. Rest in peace. Job very well done.

  • Big swaggy
    Big swaggy Year ago +4

    Two things I've noticed: first off, why are 80-90% of lonely people male? Probably because we're already considered unimportant and disposable. Second, I've never understood how someone with no friends and nothing good going for him will somehow get joy from helping others when his own life remains as bad as it's always been

    • Snacksy
      Snacksy Year ago

      Big swaggy do on to others as you would have them do onto you. Remember how he started with children and how they are supported by mother, and people think good of people who can support others. That's the logical reason helping others can help you

  • Dennis Garcia
    Dennis Garcia Year ago +1

    It's interesting because I don't know why I am as lonely as I am. I mean I have "friends" since I've known since childhood but I've never been able to connect with anybody.

  • Bellini22
    Bellini22 Year ago +1

    we are almost 8 billion and loliness is a fcking problem...,,,

  • Melita Ray
    Melita Ray Year ago

    It is on Maslows Hierarchy of needs too. It is one of our base needs to feel connected in order to thrive but it is being overlooked. Glad to see loneliness being addressed.

  • Fella
    Fella Year ago

    Fun fact, he does not say the word 'want' once in this speech

  • John Archer
    John Archer Year ago

    Give as good as you get...

  • Men Going Abroad
    Men Going Abroad Year ago

    Stunningly good talk.

  • Lach Denan
    Lach Denan Year ago

    The reason these problems exist is because they were made to. They are symptoms of things like (((diversity))) and the breakup of the natural family structure, natural clan structure, and yes, the breakup of normal ethnic identity. The single tribe pushing it is 100% guilty. Therapy or a "talk" is not going to remedy this problem.

  • Salvatore Escoti
    Salvatore Escoti Year ago

    Well as a Misanthrope and Nihilist Loneliness is part of my existence.