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Why toxic relationships are so draining. And when to break them off. | Shaka Sengor

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  • Published on Feb 2, 2019
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    Shaka Senghor: I think the thing that causes relationships to become toxic are many-fold. I will start by saying: pessimism. Being around people who are pessimistic about life is to me one of the greatest obstacles that stands in the way of greatness, success-whether it’s in the workspace, whether it’s in your personal life. Self-pity, people who tend to wallow in self-pity are to me some of the most toxic, especially if you have close proximity to them-intimate relations or work spaces-because that energy begins to translate, and it dims the room and it’s just really unsettling.
    To me I think it’s one of the things that we don’t evaluate enough in our lives, are the people that we allow to share our mental space. And when you’re allowing somebody to share your mental space you have to think of it like a pristine house. So you have this beautiful home, and when you welcome people to your beautiful home you will want them to treat it the way that you treat it and care for it. So you wouldn’t want them to walk in with some muddy boots and just come in trashing the place, but we don’t think about that when it comes to welcoming people into the interior of our minds and our hearts.
    And so a lot of times we’ll have people in our lives who wear those mental muddy boots and they’ll just come in and trample all around our mental space and we don’t even think nothing of it because we want to be a “nice person,” and we don’t want to say things that may come across as mean. But I think it’s important to recognize the people that you welcome into your life, recognize the quality, the shared value systems and realize when they’re being hurtful or damaging to your own sense of peace and confidence and mental well being.
    I think toxic relationships are some of the most time-consuming relationships. You’re constantly trying to correct behavior, you’re constantly assessing yourself based on those relationships. I grew up in an abusive household and the abuse that probably had the biggest impact was the things that was said to me and how I replay those things over and over in my mind. So you spend so much time in your own head second-guessing yourself, doubting yourself, and you can't be as productive and as successful as you're capable of as long as you're allowing that energy to take residence in your mind. And it impacts every aspect of your life; you’re not showing up as your full self; you can’t be happy. And even with the idea of happiness I think that we are delusional about what happiness is. It’s not this sustained thing, but it’s access to a part of ourselves that allows us to have joy. And so when you think about what do you need in order to have that it has to be fulfillment. And you can’t have a fulfillment in your life and in your workspace as long as you have toxic people occupying those spaces.

    So I think the way that you prevent a relationship from becoming toxic is you have to set real boundaries. Those boundaries start with: what are the expectations? What are the rules of engagement? What is acceptable behavior? What is acceptable treatment? And that starts with you setting the standards for yourself. How do you show up in your own life? How do you treat yourself? What do you expect from yourself? And that extends outwardly. And what I found is that when you’re dealing with people who are toxic, sometimes they don’t even realize they’re toxic because they’re just repeating the cycle of hurt people hurting people. And even though all toxic relationships don’t show up as necessarily intentional hurt, it can be intentional hindrance or unintentional hindrance. And so to me you have to set those boundaries very early. And once a relationship has already become toxic you have to make a choice in terms of what do you value more: do you value your peace of mind and sense of purpose more than you value the relationship?

Comments • 130

  • Carmen North
    Carmen North Month ago

    The muddy boots comparison really clicked with me.

  • - andy -
    - andy - 2 months ago

    Excellent video, Shaka - thank you!

  • Stephan Messier
    Stephan Messier 2 months ago

    I don't know about you, but it seems like everyone is fucked up in their own special way. Even the best relationship, if it's truly deep, can be difficult to maintain. And so Shaka's metaphor of the mind as a pristine house covered in the toxic footprints of others feels false to me. We can choose to embrace the negativity of others, or let it pass. If something truly bothers you, then it's something about yourself that needs to be addressed. You must see your emotion, understand what is triggering it, and how it all relates back to you. From there you can begin to make clear decisions.
    It also seems that in the context of this video, a Toxic person and Abusive person should be different things. I also disagree with the notion of a "toxic person". It's a philosophy that ultimately leads to a reactionary and sheltered mind. Someone that is "toxic" is not directly abusing you. Instead it is their very being that inflicts suffering upon you. Maybe they have a look on their face you don't like, or use words you care little for. Or maybe they smell. This is not targeted behavior to make your life miserable, it is your perception of that person that defines them as "toxic". If I am trying to be the best person I can be for myself and others in my life, I find little value in defining others as toxic, and pushing them away entirely. That's not to say you can't dislike someone; I just think that person has no requirement to change due to you disliking them.
    However, if this person becomes directly and clearly abusive to you, that is when action should always be taken. Whether it's a candid conversation, or avoiding them altogether, addressing the abuse directly will always benefit you. But, perhaps Shaka is blurring toxicity and abuse in his philosophy, I'm not sure.

  • Andreas Eichler
    Andreas Eichler 3 months ago

    So very well explained. Even has a 'what to do' at the end!

  • Aru Serios
    Aru Serios 3 months ago

    Uncommon sense learned the hard way and simply stated. I am saving this video, Shaka.

  • Ryan Smith - Downhill Dream

    Speaking truth. Well said.

  • Rock-E Oldboy
    Rock-E Oldboy 3 months ago

    Our first toxic relationships probably starts with one of our parents

  • Sola Ojeaga II
    Sola Ojeaga II 3 months ago

    One word: PERFECTION

  • Wayne's Hammer
    Wayne's Hammer 3 months ago

    I'm toxic. My whole life has been filled with toxicity. It's very hard to break away from.

  • Alan R
    Alan R 3 months ago

    Thanks for the help Shaka

  • Victor Valium
    Victor Valium 3 months ago

    American culture is toxic to be so absolute about relationships. 'Toxic'...pah! Chill a bit and be more accepting of difference. It's the imperfections in the crust of a loaf of bread that makes it so appetising. Stop being emotional fascists.

  • Gameplay and Talk
    Gameplay and Talk 3 months ago

    I appreciate the outlook about tackling difficult relationships head-on. I wish more people would be willing to do this. So many will just up and leave one high and dry without a word, and that hardly helps anything.

  • nerjadude
    nerjadude 3 months ago

    Brilliant speach. It totally made sense. Well done. ! ....Greetings from Scotland

  • Asimovum
    Asimovum 3 months ago +1

    Enlightening exposition and analogies

  • Dave BB
    Dave BB 3 months ago

    My ex bitched up a storm complaining about me , telling her friends all kind of bad things about me. So I dumped her and she went out of her mind
    Screaming crying. Lol

  • Francisco Baraglia
    Francisco Baraglia 3 months ago +3

    This is not big thinking, rather this is small thinking.
    This is very egoistic, individualistic and common sense. It's because of this very common perception that people with low self esteem are toxic that we have so many depressed individuals feeling isolated further more from others. There's no room for compassion in this paradigm. I, for one, reject what is being said here as uncompassionate and simplistic, if not violent.

    • Patrick Carrasco
      Patrick Carrasco 3 months ago +1

      Francisco Baraglia there’s a limit for being compassionate, being too thoughtful to the wrong person can result in you being taken advantage of, you have to learn to take care of yourself before you can take care of others, and to know who you should even be caring for in the first place

  • GabrielKnightz
    GabrielKnightz 3 months ago

    As a natural born pessimist; fair enough.

  • Just My Opinion
    Just My Opinion 3 months ago

    Thank you, Shaka Sengor, for sharing this video. I can relate to everything you said. I have had to end a few toxic relationships. It was hard emotionally to end them, but it was worth it.

  • TeleTube
    TeleTube 3 months ago

    Not having any relations with women is impractical. We must find a better solution.

  • Marco Enter the World
    Marco Enter the World 3 months ago

    Cool!

  • Thijs van Gisbergen
    Thijs van Gisbergen 3 months ago

    I like this guy. Has a pure spirit you can tell from miles away. And I'm behind a screen, miles away.

  • Eileen Bettridge
    Eileen Bettridge 3 months ago +1

    What has helped me is to imagine myself five... ten years down the road. Especially if it’s a guy I’m dating. Do I want to be stuck at home, taking care of his kids while he’s out and about, doing God knows what, and gassing me at the same time? No. I am not going to allow myself to be tortured like that. So no matter how much I love him, and no matter how much it hurts, I am ending it NOW, for once and for all, for the benefit of my current and future self. It sucks so bad. But it’s the right thing to do.

  • Dewsta26
    Dewsta26 3 months ago

    So because your unicorn came to life, everyone else is toxic. Great advice.

  • Probe Raum
    Probe Raum 3 months ago

    Talking about muddy boots and pessimistic attidudes, but missed some dates with his dentist.
    Not a exactly a role model.

  • Scott Dean
    Scott Dean 3 months ago

    Solid

  • Kai
    Kai 3 months ago +1

    Definitely don’t need any of you all in my life bringing me down 👌🏻

  • The Hill
    The Hill 3 months ago

    You probably shouldn't use the language of feminism if you're trying to make it look less obvious.
    Civil War now.

  • Bobby Halick
    Bobby Halick 3 months ago +6

    I love this so much. I think all of us can be toxic to others at times, I've seen this behavior in myself and others. I'm realizing that I was putting out that dark and pessimistic energy on my relationships over the past few years, and it wasn't because I wanted to hurt people, it's because I was struggling with deep depression. I've finally found the help I need and I feel like I'm coming through the other side. I don't believe there are necessarily "toxic people", but people who are acting in a toxic way. We have to confront those people in a caring way and give them the opportunity to change, and yes if they don't then the contract has been broken.

  • Mr J3nk0
    Mr J3nk0 3 months ago

    Toxic relationship: a citizen who demands the state seize fellow citizens' wealth using force then hand it to themselves or spend it on pet social projects they derive benefit from. Aka, parasites.

  • Chip Chipperson
    Chip Chipperson 3 months ago +14

    I had to learn from a physically abusive marriage to understand and appreciate the woman I'm with now. She has 2 kids, one isn't even biologically hers... most guys are put off by that. She works her ass off, and is nothing but the sweetest nicest girl I've ever been with. Complete opposite from the psycho that never held a job, did nothing but drink/smoke, depend on me for everything, while smacking me around and blaming me for everything. Choose the character traits of who you want to be with carefully.

  • Norin Radd
    Norin Radd 3 months ago +4

    I don't like the idea that people are either "toxic," or "not toxic." I'm sure we have all been negative or pessimistic at one time or another..this idea that other people can somehow sully your perfect mind-palace and you have to excommunicate them from your life.. that's not how life works.

  • Ira Lujan
    Ira Lujan 3 months ago

    And before you know it, your chasing after perfect.

  • Victor P.
    Victor P. 3 months ago +1

    I wouldn't consider myself extremely nihilistic/pessimistic or self-hating, wearing all black. But I do find myself slightly self-deprecating and pessimistic, definitely not happy-go-lucky type of person. Does that make me toxic? According this guy, apparently. Of course there are other types of toxic behavior that isn't solely pessimism or self-loathing, like aggressiveness, vanity, envy, or jealously. He seems to own single out this kind.

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Tinkle down pee, pee economics 🤗 Golden Showers
    ru-clip.com/video/A4UMyTnlaMY/video.html

  • axiom
    axiom 3 months ago +2

    i think it's bullshit, "toxic relationship" is just a way of getting away with saying "toxic people", and you're only saying it because you yourself have issues, the truth is that humans are not monogamous and selfish, relationships are destined to fail because it was never natural, it's the brutal side to life rearing its head up, when your worries are not finding a partner, you'll find one, but most of the time you won't want those worries, life is inevitably shit, those prepared to go through shit will reap, and then you die

    • axiom
      axiom 3 months ago

      +Chloe Maldonado maybe, when you consider imprinting, there could be something similar when you fall in love

    • Chloe Maldonado
      Chloe Maldonado 3 months ago

      +axiom I'm sure we are more complex than that, especially as individuals.

    • axiom
      axiom 3 months ago

      +Chloe Maldonado you think youre monogamous because you think the right partner exists, noone can constantly satisfy our desires, humans desire variety

    • Chloe Maldonado
      Chloe Maldonado 3 months ago

      this saddens me because i am a monogamous person actually.

  • Mentor My Life
    Mentor My Life 3 months ago +31

    You are who you have around you. If you are in a toxic relationship then you probably are toxic yourself. Disconnect, and then immediately start to work on yourself, because if you don't think you're not at fault then you will walk right back into another toxic relationship.

    • Mentor My Life
      Mentor My Life 3 months ago +1

      +Rick C-137 - - toxic person in the relationship 😊

    • Rick C-137
      Rick C-137 3 months ago +3

      Mentor My Life Meh. Just took Intro to Psych, huh? Lol
      What was said in the video was *FAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR* more helpful than your crackerbox rhetoric, hahaha

    • N
      N 3 months ago +1

      Mentor My Life walls work!

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    🕵️‍♂️ toxic hope because structural violence doesn't matter
    ru-clip.com/video/0TlVqXVSz6w/video.html

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    In economics, an externality is the cost or benefit that affects a party who did not choose to incur that cost or benefit. When there is no externality, allocative efficiency is achieved; 👇🙄👆
    ru-clip.com/video/Cx8xEUYrb74/video.html

  • David Lindes
    David Lindes 3 months ago +19

    Behaviors are toxic, not people. Calling people toxic is a toxic behavior. Instead of leaving people outside in the mud, ask them to take their boots off at the door.
    I invite you in... just please leave the phrase "toxic people" on the shoe rack by the door.

  • Rand Huso
    Rand Huso 3 months ago +1

    Learn the lesson: don't ever get married.

    • Rand Huso
      Rand Huso 3 months ago

      +Chip Chipperson - If divorce wasn't a good thing, people wouldn't get one. I've never met anyone who said they regretted their divorce (though there may be some). And many people don't learn their lesson or the lessons presented by all the others with the same experiences, and they fall into marriage repeatedly.

    • Chip Chipperson
      Chip Chipperson 3 months ago

      The good thing about marriage is getting divorced. It's a great conversation starter for meeting other divorced women haha

  • Fin
    Fin 3 months ago

    Loved this video

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Science, math, art 🕵️‍♂️ Is the future of things
    .If you decide to go into bible nigg-er debt college
    More importantly its the tools for innovation
    Lawers become biological, sociology, engineers, ecology
    If you don't learn science we will never have a just system, or reasonable peace
    To have a true Democracy we need to all understand science 🙄👆
    Otherwise we are just going to blame everyone but ourselves
    Sol isn't a gang or terrorist 🕵️‍♂️ Its an awareness
    . Awakening
    . we all need air to breath
    . Oxytocin going to get you
    ru-clip.com/video/4NACMjwR5DE/video.html

  • FiFi Cole
    FiFi Cole 3 months ago +1

    Yes agree you have to have discernment in regards to all relationships. Be it with family members, friends, work colleagues or romantic relationships . Not everyone deserves a place in my life, has taken me years to realize this being a big empath. For me at the core of all toxic relationships is selfishness, lack of respect and disregarding other people's feelings. It is important to see if your, values, morals, and beliefs align up with each other before even entering any relationship. I have been mistreated and hurt by so many people, however have not projected this on any other. Infact it has made me more aware of others sensitive needs . Therefore to a degree hurt people hurt. For me selfishness is the biggest factor at the core of toxic relationships. Individuals thinking of their own needs, and will get what they want despite the harm it does to others. Lucky enough to see red flags now after so many toxic encounters.

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    🕵️‍♂️ Its called "Biology"
    Ecology and biology 🤔isn't the bible book of blame shame you evil swine!
    .ru-clip.com/video/eTDO3ndZrs8/video.html

  • Echo Dots
    Echo Dots 3 months ago

    Very well said, thanks.

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Remember this 🤩🖕 Im a product of environment
    . And so are you
    . LOLz of Thermal dynamics
    . No such thing as a self
    . Without micro organisms
    . Homo dumb fuck wouldn't
    . Have evolved into Deus Ex
    . You will respect Sol
    ru-clip.com/video/9stYRZnIWRc/video.html

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Toxic 🤗 Success!
    ru-clip.com/video/RRVVLJOGfCA/video.html

  • Atarihitman
    Atarihitman 3 months ago

    God bless you! Thank you for the insight, well said.

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Do you value a peace of mind 🕵️‍♂️Poppies
    define a price of mind in crapitalism
    ru-clip.com/video/hR4jZSrS_pY/video.html

  • Mass Extinction
    Mass Extinction 3 months ago

    Success with Dna Modifications
    . 🕵️‍♂️
    ru-clip.com/video/ncWQLibiclM/video.html

  • MEJ TV
    MEJ TV 3 months ago

    Can someone translate this to arabic?

  • Gorrgrim
    Gorrgrim 3 months ago

    So if someone is negative and had a shitty life or circumstances, maybe severe depression, instead of helping them and allowing them into your life you should just cut them out?

  • MGTOW Psyche
    MGTOW Psyche 3 months ago +24

    Refusing to feed the narcissist or refusing to be abused by the psychopath will always result in rage!
    Toxic people feel entitled to your energy, time resources and life!

  • Chris B
    Chris B 3 months ago +58

    Every toxic relationship I have been in has had several consistent factors.
    1. Daddy issues
    2. Low self esteem
    3. Constant worry about what others think.
    4. Trust issues
    5. Unrealistic expectations of their significant other
    Those 5 things have been consistent with every toxic relationship I've seen or was involved in. That's from my perspective only and may not be every case. Watch out for those red flags.

    • Rock-E Oldboy
      Rock-E Oldboy 3 months ago

      Did you meet my ex wife ?

    • Vishnu Vardhan
      Vishnu Vardhan 3 months ago

      +truthfully_satya isn't it also just a need for importance and validation? How do you connect it specifically to mom issues? True about facing one's issues.

    • truthfully_satya
      truthfully_satya 3 months ago +2

      Men with mommy issues tend to be in relationships with women who are psychologically fragmented. They want to save them. It's all an unconscious act until you face yourself and process your issues.

    • David Adams
      David Adams 3 months ago

      +Vishnu Vardhan
      They are looking for an older male who will fill the emotional and financial void left by their unavailable fathers.

    • Vishnu Vardhan
      Vishnu Vardhan 3 months ago

      I've seen the others, but not daddy issues. could you explain?

  • rochat
    rochat 3 months ago +12

    In my experience, two people who are otherwise harmless can become toxic when mixed. Some people just bring out the worst in eachother.

    • Pajasen89
      Pajasen89 3 months ago +1

      Ah the case of compatibility, an underrated and seemingly not so focused upon factor when it comes to forming relationships. Nice one.

    • Emiliapocalypse
      Emiliapocalypse 3 months ago +2

      rochat I agree with this.

  • Null
    Null 3 months ago +12

    Toxic person here. I just stay away from other people 👌

    • Andrew
      Andrew 3 months ago

      +Victor P. It's possible that 'toxicity' is not simply that a person is objectively toxic. Rather, person Y in relationship to person X makes for a toxic relationship. Change the context and person Y and person Z get along just fine.
      Pessimism is a good example, this man might find it really hard to be around pessimistic people, others might enjoy it. War is a 'toxic' environment, yet entire nations will prize one group and despise the other and their enemy will do the same in reverse. Who's right, who's wrong when both sides are killing each other?

    • boi if you don't
      boi if you don't 3 months ago

      I am 100% toxic

    • Victor P.
      Victor P. 3 months ago +1

      I wouldn't consider myself extremely nihilistic/pessimistic or self-hating, wearing all black. But I do find myself slightly self-deprecating and pessimistic, definitely not happy-go-lucky type of person. Does that make me toxic? According this guy, apparently. Of course there are other types of toxic behavior that isn't solely pessimism or self-loathing, like aggressiveness, vanity, envy, or jealously. He seems to own single out this kind.

    • David Lindes
      David Lindes 3 months ago +4

      Null : yeah, that seems to be a message of this video... and I think that message is actually quite toxic, itself. At least in ways... depends on some details, I figure...
      Well, and the idea that a *person* is toxic, rather than certain behaviors or dynamics. To say that a person is toxic carries a different weight than saying that a person currently exhibits some behaviors, even habitually, that are toxic behaviors.
      In the language of the video: Let's figure out how to get those muddy boots off, instead of not inviting the person in.

  • Carpenter Family
    Carpenter Family 3 months ago +12

    He’s right ‘ self pity ‘ people drag you down - don’t share your mental space with them.

  • Yaman
    Yaman 3 months ago +9

    I avoid toxic females if they are a feminist I don't want to be around them let alone date.

    • Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd
      Celtic Revival / Adfywiad Celtaidd 3 months ago

      shoehorning in feminism everywhere....stop it...its toxic yaman! ;)

    • David Lindes
      David Lindes 3 months ago +2

      Yaman, you're fucking delusional.
      So says this feminist.

    • F in the Chat
      F in the Chat 3 months ago +2

      He wants to be a victim just let him. You can't talk sense to people like this. They just want everyone to feel bad for them. Feminism is keeping the white man down blah blah blah.... +bbraithwaite83

    • Yaman
      Yaman 3 months ago +4

      +bbraithwaite83 Feminism has nothing to do with equality never has, just because the dictionary says it means equality doesn't mean that's the goal of feminist.
      The only feminist that are true to the dictionary meaning are the ones in the middle east ,they are really fighting for equality and not for made up stuff like the wage gap.

    • bbraithwaite83
      bbraithwaite83 3 months ago +2

      Yaman ya guys wanting equality is such a bad thing right?
      I think you are confusing the definition of feminism

  • Michael Kulin
    Michael Kulin 3 months ago +2

    TL;DR - People that are completely opposite, i.e. they're completely incompatible with each other, should stay away from one another, else you'll get in that kind of toxic relationship. Opposites attract - true, but not when there's no common ground between two people.

    • Emiliapocalypse
      Emiliapocalypse 3 months ago

      Augh, please explain this to my ex

    • MsPitufo2012
      MsPitufo2012 3 months ago

      Daniel Maxton I agree, opposite mindsets always have some kind of conflict

  • Sean Gill
    Sean Gill 3 months ago

    Mad insight

  • heri styono
    heri styono 3 months ago

    "A though man can get out of a toxic relationship, but a smart man never gets himself into one."

    • heri styono
      heri styono 3 months ago

      +jeffsaddiction it's a joke.

    • jeffsaddiction
      jeffsaddiction 3 months ago

      heri styono Ridiculous quote. Being victimized by a narcissist or sociopath has nothing to do with a lack of intelligence; they are capable of fooling mental health professionals.

  • Petar Stamenkovic
    Petar Stamenkovic 3 months ago +1

    @1:09 So.. Protect the house from unwanted intruders? Build a wall so that only you control who can enter your house? What an unconventional idea. You must be sexist, racist, homophobe and other word salads for suggesting that people control their own homes. How dare you!

  • Silver Teede
    Silver Teede 3 months ago

    Nigga penis

  • Shay Elfaki
    Shay Elfaki 3 months ago +10

    Actually, Imo, pessimism can be very healthy. Knowing that things won't go perfectly can actually help you prepare to deal with them, and that is always needed in relationships. It's the way they react to their pessimistic nature is what's important.

    • Shay Elfaki
      Shay Elfaki 3 months ago

      +Andrew It is a very layered topic, so is every different situation that requires a completely different philosophy. The comments section are not enough to discuss it. But as you mentioned, we can't just point out one ideal way of living, there is no "one size, fits all" here.
      And the video is indeed interesting.

    • Andrew
      Andrew 3 months ago

      +Shay Elfaki Open minds are ripe for being influenced. But, we're constantly open to that possibility. In some sense, pessimism is bad to the degree that it inhibits you from your desires but good to the degree that it protects you from the negative consequences of pursuing that desire. I think Shaka desires things that he feels blocked or slowed down to reaching because people with less optimistic viewpoints are around him. The problem I see is that to say that any one way of living is better or worse is layered in so many levels of judgement that as you peel them back we bit by bit lose our grasp on reality and move into some nonsensical states that don't relate to normal material reality well. We can mostly agree that people don't like to suffer from physical pain or ailment, yet it is intrinsic to living, to live means one must die. But we add additional layers of suffering, such as striving for 'success' which when we chase these things 'pessimistic' people become 'problematic'. TLDR; problems stem from desires. If you desire nothing you don't have any problems. Good luck achieving that....
      Very interesting talk both the video and this comment section.

    • Shay Elfaki
      Shay Elfaki 3 months ago

      +Bobby Halick Ofcourse. I believe that we can go extreme with any ideals that we can adopt. Every situation requires a different way and philosophy to approach it. I guess we should just keep an open mind :)

    • Bobby Halick
      Bobby Halick 3 months ago

      I think I used to use that argument, claiming I was being a realist and pragmatic. I think it's important to truly look deeply at the reasons behind your practicality or mild pessimism to determine if it has actually become a negative thing in your life. It's hard to tell in the moment. That said, yes skepticism and preparation are very important qualities to balance.

    • Shay Elfaki
      Shay Elfaki 3 months ago

      +axiom Very much

  • Panini529
    Panini529 3 months ago +1

    Thank you thank you thank you for posting this video. Stepping out of a toxic relationship, feeling like garbage. Building myself back up from being mentally drained. I value my peace of mind and since of purpose more than the relationship.

  • Todd Volpe
    Todd Volpe 3 months ago +45

    Brilliant video, brilliant perspective, words to the wise.

    • SKYwalker 777
      SKYwalker 777 2 months ago +1

      And sometimes its just best to walk away and not even discuss a toxic relationship where verbal defence will just lead to further arguments.

    • Torin McCabe
      Torin McCabe 3 months ago +1

      Would be nice to break off the toxic relationship of the political left and right. Yet it is less a relationship and more a battle over shared resources. Time for a divorce

  • jeffsaddiction
    jeffsaddiction 3 months ago +2

    Six minutes of rambling and not a single mention of narcissistic abuse.

    • Ursallion GannonThraul
      Ursallion GannonThraul 3 months ago +1

      +plushmeth sexy. no wait, i mean liars? people playing off of guilt. sounds a very acrid personality indeed although i feel the answer this hatted fella gave solves that too in that you need courage to fix it. id say that abuse does rely on the victim being emotionally weak and ignoring the figurative "nails along your back". very sexy, no wait, i mean do you think this abuse is fairly common?

    • plushmeth
      plushmeth 3 months ago

      +Ursallion GannonThraul when she cries and the tears are fake, only meant to make you emotional, and comfort her. And the reason shes crying is subtly implied to be your fault. And you hug her and she starts running her nails along your back.

    • Ursallion GannonThraul
      Ursallion GannonThraul 3 months ago

      Not fare to call rambling id say; he made a good point about how oneself should act. but narcissistic abuse. if i may what would you call that? someone not talking to you?

  • henna kennedy
    henna kennedy 3 months ago

    Thank you for this.

  • Shelly Tuohy
    Shelly Tuohy 3 months ago +33

    Often I have found that people who say others are toxic are often toxic themselves and they project to try to stay in denial. They blame every one else for everything.

    • Truth AtAnyCost
      Truth AtAnyCost 3 months ago

      C'mon Ms Shelly Tuohy... talk that real talk; you echo my exact sentiment.... The narrator sounds as though he himself is a control freak. His way or the hwy.... It's not even up for discussion.... He's straight spooky AF
      w/scapegoating, & triangulating. Sounds akin to NPD/sociopath...

    • Video 17
      Video 17 3 months ago +2

      i am aware of this and can confirm from my point of view ( in life ). she is toxic and i do reflec that back, so that makes me toxic aswell! we just broke up - because we recognized that and don´t want to harm us anymore! we are peacefull, thats nice!

  • Adam Shaiken
    Adam Shaiken 3 months ago

    Insightful !, indeed.

  • Kenny Groth
    Kenny Groth 3 months ago +10

    Women are actually horrible these days

  • Discover Your Awesomeness
    Discover Your Awesomeness 3 months ago +23

    *He in his madness prays for storms, and dreams that storms will bring him peace.*

    • GraemeMarkNI
      GraemeMarkNI 3 months ago

      Hey who is that?

    • Matthew P.
      Matthew P. 3 months ago +2

      Wheres this from?

    • axiom
      axiom 3 months ago +1

      #selfharm

    • N
      N 3 months ago +1

      Discover Your Awesomeness So True⭐️