How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

  • Опубликовано: 15 фев 2016
  • Kalina Silverman wanted to see what could happen if she approached strangers and skipped the small talk to have more meaningful conversations with them instead. She made a video documenting the experience. The stories she heard and the connections she made proved that there's power in taking the time to stop and ask people to reflect on the questions that truly matter in life.
    Since then, she has continued to work on expanding Big Talk into a movement that inspires and enables people to connect with one another on a deeper level.
    Learn more about it at and visit Kalina at
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Комментарии • 3 681

  • Mark Anderson
    Mark Anderson 3 дня назад +2

    The comments kept me from finishing the video.
    A hurray for honesty.

  • tiTo Bobbio Velarde
    tiTo Bobbio Velarde 5 дней назад

    Very nice

  • Giovanni Gonzo
    Giovanni Gonzo 6 дней назад

    Why are those letters in the background so bad wtf

  • f duff
    f duff 10 дней назад

    I wanna suicide before i die.

  • f duff
    f duff 10 дней назад +1

    *This video is sponsered by "Mad Men"*

  • TheTommyslife
    TheTommyslife 11 дней назад

    Considering I couldn't stand to listen for more than a couple minutes without wanting to Bird Box my face....I'm gonna say not such a good TED talk...

  • Mduduzi Maphanga
    Mduduzi Maphanga 12 дней назад

    Folks check out her website if you're looking for techniques, loved the talk!

  • Jens Messer
    Jens Messer 12 дней назад

    What a misleading title... she builts a global click-machinery out of a subject, which costs someone like Tony Robbins only 10 seconds to explain. And that subject isn't even the real subject.
    This video actually is about the story that you have to develop as a reason for your YT Channel, website and so on.
    And it's one example how to make a video that goes viral, even if it is full of blah blah.
    Just adress directly to people's emotions. Wow, that's new. Find a title that produces clicks. Wow again. What's the subject she's studied? Surprise surprise. Leads me to deep thinking what is journalism about. And who called after producing zillions of clicks? Surprise again, the HuffPost. Clicks are their business. How overwhelming!
    And she's even surprised by herself, that just talking about talking leaves herself empty in the end?
    Come back again when there's something worth considering. This video isn't. Just blah about blah.

  • josevalentin martinez
    josevalentin martinez 12 дней назад

    I like this one thanks 🙏🏽 👍🏽👍🏽

  • josevalentin martinez
    josevalentin martinez 12 дней назад

    👍🏽👨‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👨‍👩‍👧‍👦momand dads urn’s (to not have to return to cemetery) travel to families Midwest, meet my dads mom depending how that goes(what she learns me about family tree)& then Cali coast, beach sunset/sunrise

  • Lucas Toledo Psicólogo deportivo
    Lucas Toledo Psicólogo deportivo 12 дней назад

    One big talk that I have helped to get more friends is what do you save in your heart?

  • chiranjivi arjun
    chiranjivi arjun 15 дней назад

    It mean a lot to me.

  • 1 Madcelt
    1 Madcelt 15 дней назад


  • rachel mccourt
    rachel mccourt 15 дней назад

    That 'who am I?' blinded me oh no

  • Marc Frank
    Marc Frank 16 дней назад

    if you become a witness of jehova you can big talk to strangers every day of your life

  • Cindy Jo Riley
    Cindy Jo Riley 17 дней назад

    about 75% of the people I know, including family members, ex. are not interested in deep meaning talk. That is why small talk is popular. Deep Meaning talk will make them vulnerable.

  • in.searchofexcel
    in.searchofexcel 19 дней назад

    Every time we come up with that part of our mind that makes us feel you are alone....
    And that's what the reality is ...
    Everything we see is fake..

  • D W Cook jr
    D W Cook jr 19 дней назад

    …..and um. one time band camp

  • Rhiannon
    Rhiannon 19 дней назад

    10:22 he says “go to a priest and make a confession” not “go to the police” like the captions say

  • S Griffin
    S Griffin 20 дней назад

    The topic of this TED Talks, "Thou mayest," that's from a Steinbeck bit, East of Eden, where he takes on a Biblical passage, and well, it's short and worth reading. But the problem with this Ted Talk, and so much else out there, is that rather than being interested in the precise meaning of an idea, a thought, a concept and how to achieve it or not to achieve it, this video is more about what she did than what YOU can do, and more about how she conducted an arguably well done media project that got her noticed by someone signing people up for TED Talks, and less about how it may, or shall apply to your life.

  • Nate Satrape
    Nate Satrape 23 дня назад

    So are Big Talks like these things called TED talks? I heard people share really interesting ideas in them :p

  • rafiul islam
    rafiul islam 26 дней назад

    You give a life lesson through the journey of your life. Really loved it. There is a deeper understanding and feels about life in your story.

  • ryan
    ryan 26 дней назад

    WHEN YOUR BIRTHDAY IS SEPTEMBER 27th and you physically remember turning 13

  • Victor Flores
    Victor Flores 27 дней назад

    get to the point jesus! ironic how it's a video on how to skip small talk

  • furry frog
    furry frog 29 дней назад

    7 min in, so far this talk is mostly useless babble

  • Michael Jackson
    Michael Jackson Месяц назад

    Shes pretty tho.

  • Spyros Tziotis
    Spyros Tziotis Месяц назад


  • Robert Hildebrand
    Robert Hildebrand Месяц назад

    And um

  • William Hammel
    William Hammel Месяц назад

    Put her on joe rogan with jordan peterson

  • luhental
    luhental Месяц назад

    Hahahah cracks me up when the dude said 'go to the police and make a confession' at 10:25.

  • gtberg
    gtberg Месяц назад

    I'm 59, and I'm still thinking "Who am I?" Stuff changes constantly. One year I have a ton of friends and feel really involved with my community, and the next year, I feel like a Pariah. Completely alone and outcast.

  • Stu Duerson
    Stu Duerson Месяц назад +1

    How many times can one person say "I" in 19 minutes and 42 seconds? Please study public speaking skills. Core idea good, but half lost in the presentation.

  • Slim pak
    Slim pak Месяц назад

    Comment section full of bitter haters.

  • LordWellfleet
    LordWellfleet Месяц назад

    "We live, as we dream, alone." - Joseph Conrad (and Gang of Four)

  • Joseph Burgess
    Joseph Burgess Месяц назад

    Big talk = compassionate communication. Let's not reduce our vocabulary while trying to achieve the idea of communication. Be exact with your words. Everything is seen through the door(s) of perception. Tool sung about it best in Schism. "Cold silence has
    A tendency to
    Atrophy any
    Sense of compassion.
    Between supposed brothers,
    Between supposed lovers."

  • Lauren Barney
    Lauren Barney Месяц назад

    Love true. Hearing their stories made me emotional. We all desire to connect with others, we were meant for community. It shows you care rather than surface talk that doesn’t produce connection and meaningful relationships. Well done.

  • Penelope Lambson
    Penelope Lambson Месяц назад

    Assuming someone wants to connect. Not everyone does. Some people do not want to find common ground and will resent the attempt to do so. They prefer establishing status with others.

  • jukebox 752
    jukebox 752 Месяц назад

    personal struggle is trying to get the courage to approach beautiful women

  • MAadventure
    MAadventure Месяц назад

    I think.. I need small talk to go to big talk.

  • Cris Whetstone
    Cris Whetstone Месяц назад

    Why do people watch these videos if they are just going to take giant dumps on them in the comments? I find most Ted Talks to be mostly vapid. While this one wasn't in depth I think she's onto something. I hate small talk. My introversion makes me avoid a lot of social exchanges to start with. And then when I do push myself to be social I get stuck talking about to people sharing about what TV they are watching or what their new counter tops looks like. It's like the worst torture ever.
    While doing what she suggests fills me with apprehension it certainly sounds better than another shallow, pointless, forgettable exchange with someone I might have connected with if we could cut through the nonsense.
    While the speaker might be a bit wide-eyed and display some naivete, I think that's purposeful. She's dumped her cynicism. Someone older might not have. I know I struggle with it.
    It's also telling how the vast majority of the commentators are mentioning her looks. How far we haven't come.

  • nycesquire
    nycesquire Месяц назад

    This is the most unfocused TED I’ve ever listened to. The insight to me is that people aren’t being more curious with the small talk opportunities they have. Small talk is necessary to build trust. Leverage small talk to take the next step to learn something more about a person. Use small talk, build trust, and then ask more meaning questions based on the little things revealed.

  • D Amore
    D Amore Месяц назад +1

    She is so young. She is too young for one of these talks. This whole thing was about her, not her audience.

  • Barry Ng
    Barry Ng Месяц назад

    She's pretty and adorable, but her talk show is pretty average at best. Kudos to her efforts though.

  • ewd76
    ewd76 Месяц назад

    She looks Chinese. Her name doesn't really match.

  • Norm Johnson
    Norm Johnson Месяц назад

    No substance. Sounded like a toastmasters ice breaker speech but it's 5 times too long . My question is.. How did she get a Ted talk ?

  • Harmon Okinyo
    Harmon Okinyo Месяц назад

    Halo effect, if you know what I mean.
    “If you know, You know”

  • Javier Zendejas
    Javier Zendejas Месяц назад

    "And umm"

  • iAmhATTER
    iAmhATTER Месяц назад

    I've been preaching this idea for years but never put a name to it.

    • iAmhATTER
      iAmhATTER Месяц назад

      I have an issue though. I'm not the social butterfly that this requires. I'm awkward and off putting.

  • Ahmed Al-Ahmad
    Ahmed Al-Ahmad Месяц назад +1

    And ummmm...

  • tori Jane
    tori Jane Месяц назад +1

    Don’t waste your time. 20 minutes of a college student bragging about herself. No helpful tips in this video

  • Ive Chang
    Ive Chang Месяц назад

    Thanks for this great talk! One of my favorite openers is exactly: Make a joke about my 'problems.' Then ask "So what are you struggling with lately?" Some people share some don't. Be well and happy! ♡ive

    Ooops. I also might ask "What is your passion?"
    "How do you deal with _ (ex. rush hour stress) _? I could use more inspiration and SKILLZ! 😆 lol."
    Honestly I just ask what advice they'd give regarding something I'm intersted in or motivated about. From there I let things find a natural flow.

  • James DeGruchy
    James DeGruchy Месяц назад

    Am I missing something? Usually I don't think people can jump right into BIG TALK, wouldn't people find you strange if you just walk up to them and ask them questions like what do you want to do before you die? I think that's probably why people need small talk first before they hit people with big talk questions. So in my opinion I think everyone needs to master small talk first,which I am terrible at so I don't really get to big talk questions,guess I'm doing something wrong.

  • Adam Kubetta
    Adam Kubetta 2 месяца назад

    I would like to answear the qestion on the Berlin wall: Before I die I want to change the law to be more fair to people who are more truthful and open to others. The change is the following: people who are hiding their financial transactions shoud pay taxes to those who do not. You shoud vote for this, unless you want the truth to be hidden.

  • Ben Silva
    Ben Silva 2 месяца назад

    We're animals. There is no piece of knowledge that will ever teach us how to stop being anxious. This is a feeling and a state of being, not a piece of knowledge. We say profound things but we forget that the people saying profound things are in a different state of being that allows them to understand enough to say profound things.

  • AMorton80
    AMorton80 2 месяца назад

    It sounds like she's reading a book report in high school. Cringe.

  • Victoria O'Shea
    Victoria O'Shea 2 месяца назад

    I listen to this talk a couple years ago and I never forgot it so glad I found it she is really amazing!

  • lilmizj96
    lilmizj96 2 месяца назад

    Wow I love it

  • Karla Corro
    Karla Corro 2 месяца назад

    i really enjoyed the speech however it could have been a bit shorter. i will take this and apply it to my daily life.

  • Владислава Савкова
    Владислава Савкова 2 месяца назад

    this talks makes me feel like I was watching primitive school project. The idea is probably good but not enough for being a serious topic for ted

    STRIMIX 2 месяца назад

    Don't live life in anxiety or fear because you've been through stuff that damaged you. We all have a background. Some positive and some negative. Trust me when i say it leaves scars. I'm 27 and been through pain, fear and sadness all my life. Seen the worst of worst but remember one thing! There is always room at the top so get out and invest time in yourself. Improve yourself small steps at the time and never let a setback truly set you back. You have the strength to do what you want. Don't chase things, situations or people you have no control over. Peace.

  • FavianTube
    FavianTube 2 месяца назад

    Listening to this lady is brutal she is NOT a good speaker

    • Will Reese
      Will Reese 2 месяца назад +1

      Does it really matter if she is are not? You can still easily understand her. Plus she's likely only 23-24 and she already do this, public speaking is a skill you develop and I'm sure she'll be really good at it later.

  • Bnjmn Chrn
    Bnjmn Chrn 2 месяца назад

    ¿Qué clase de basura es este video?

  • Amy Leung
    Amy Leung 2 месяца назад

    That is really inspiring !I learn something from it !Thanks!

  • Emma Kei
    Emma Kei 2 месяца назад +1

    This woman is adorable! I love what she is talking about. She is making such a sincere attempt to get people to engage in deeper thinking and conversation. If anyone thinks you cannot engage like this with other human beings, you are seriously discounting yourself.

  • Sir Logan
    Sir Logan 2 месяца назад +1

    You have a great idea and I’d like to buy a set of the cards.

  • John Nickel
    John Nickel 2 месяца назад

    She has great things to say, but needs a decent amount of refinement in public speaking. Maybe it’s not her job, or this was a spur of the moment thing, but if she does continue this, she needs to take some lessons which I would have figured she had gotten in college since she’s talking about journalism.

  • Andrew Shu
    Andrew Shu 3 месяца назад

    I think there is still a use for small talk because through small talk, we screen out the people we want to have big talk with

    • Will Reese
      Will Reese 2 месяца назад

      Yeah that's kinda true, I think this is more targeted at ppl who don't know how to move past small talk and into something more meaningful.

  • Itamar Simon
    Itamar Simon 3 месяца назад +1

    Pretty amazing

  • KaîÇee Crane
    KaîÇee Crane 3 месяца назад

    I never understood small talk, talking for no reason makes no sense to me

  • Crystal Keeley
    Crystal Keeley 3 месяца назад +1

    You are a beautiful person inside and out!! We need more people like you in the world, thanks for doing your part in the world to make it a better place!! Much love 🙏

  • JADiaz10
    JADiaz10 3 месяца назад

    So basically she thought of good questions to ask people. However what I was hoping to get something more out of this like how does this keep conversations going? You can only ask so many questions before you and the other person feels like this is an interview rather than a meaningful conversation...

  • sethers775
    sethers775 3 месяца назад

    skip her small talk 5:50

  • M S
    M S 3 месяца назад

    This talk is spoiled american girl in a nutshell

  • Famous Feline
    Famous Feline 3 месяца назад +1

    Admirable that this young woman has taken an idea that grew out of an awareness of her need and did the work to refine and promote it in a way that is encouraging and meaningful to others. She's probably reached many more people than most people do in their lives. So what if she is not the most polished TEDTalk speaker. If her idea doesn't strike you, don't pursue it, but why do so many commenters feel the need to be so negative about this? Her "Before I Die" video has 99% thumbs up and mostly positive comments. I'm discouraged by all the negativity in the world these days but encouraged by people like Kalina. You go, girl!

  • beautifulL52
    beautifulL52 3 месяца назад +1

    I mean I dont want to be rude or anything but I thought she was quite average. I didn't think about her looks at all during this entire speech. It was very long and I dont really feel like I learned anything. Nice try though.

  • Lynda Davidson
    Lynda Davidson 3 месяца назад


  • Enchanted Away
    Enchanted Away 3 месяца назад +2

    I'm confused some of you are saying that people will judge you for big Talk because you're "unattractive" and yet you are completely judging this woman and invalidating her experiences and research because she "looks good" and "talks annoyingly". Furthermore, she created a deck of cards, a game - that is how you make it less awkward and direct, that is what she's been working on
    Blatantly blinded by your own prejudices you still play the victim MINDBLOWN by the comment section

  • 223554545
    223554545 3 месяца назад

    I was disappointed when she talked about that israel soldier that I don't know if she knows but he kill kids

  • cole tulloch
    cole tulloch 3 месяца назад

    Jesse Mariano

  • Hello Kitty
    Hello Kitty 3 месяца назад

    What do you want to do before you die? Really?????? 😏

  • Erhan Aslan
    Erhan Aslan 3 месяца назад

    We are just given a spoiler from Mad Man!!! So disappointing!

  • May We Feel
    May We Feel 4 месяца назад

    i LOVE this idea. I'm trying to build my own project, but our values are SO similar, i just wanna join your team 😍

    FLAT EARTH 4 месяца назад


  • Mike Baum
    Mike Baum 4 месяца назад +1

    Thank for your brilliant, insightful and thought provoking video!

  • Jake Taracena
    Jake Taracena 4 месяца назад +1

    I can’t believe the amount of negativity said in the comments, scrolling down everyone has to comment about her appearance or criticize her presentation . No one is a complete expert at anything. I thought her overall deliverance was great and she was charismatic(nothing to do with looks) Her presentation isn’t a step by step that will GUARANTEE you a meaningful connection with someone as every interaction you have with someone is different depending on the circumstances and conversation setting. If you make a comment on her appearance you have insecurity issues . If you made a comment on her ted talk deliverance i want to see you go up there and do better. It is so sad when people miss the overall lesson.

  • Rachel O
    Rachel O 4 месяца назад

    i love this, i try to do something similar with people and its always interesting to see their reactions. =]

  • Shanmuga Retnam
    Shanmuga Retnam 4 месяца назад

    The idea of Big Talk is refreshing but `breaking the ice` is still essential when strangers meet.

  • Елена Целлер
    Елена Целлер 4 месяца назад

    It's rather about sweet and dramatic things, it's not feasible for real life, maybe for a talk show. Nice, but not what I expected.

  • Ava Meyers
    Ava Meyers 4 месяца назад +1

    It started off as great but then she didn't really deliver the points to have big talks.

  • javier lasarte
    javier lasarte 4 месяца назад

    Any one knows about this kind of tópic..conect whit people basically

  • casey
    casey 4 месяца назад +1

    "seeing my kids graduate"

  • Anita S.
    Anita S. 4 месяца назад +1

    Even though there are a lot of negative comments down here, I am glad that this video exists. If you dont like her approach on "big talk" than figure out for yourself what works and what doesnt. We have a feeling for whats awkward and what could work when dealing with other people.

  • Vigilantiz -
    Vigilantiz - 4 месяца назад


  • candyvodka
    candyvodka 4 месяца назад

    I can’t believe I sat through all that only to learn nothing

  • andthenifellinlove
    andthenifellinlove 4 месяца назад +2

    I love this!!

  • Matteo Marchetti
    Matteo Marchetti 4 месяца назад

    is it just me or is she the most beautiful woman ever existed

  • Anna Li
    Anna Li 4 месяца назад +2

    I believe this woman is trying to make sense of her world and is sharing it in a way she believes would help inspire other people as it seem like it did through her youtube video for various people across the world. However reading these comments that brushes off her thoughts and experiences because of this, this, and that is rather disheartening. It is understandable that her approach may not be practical in many social settings and that her experiences of course cannot be replicated by everyone. But it does not mean there was not any significance in her journey and if there were anything that I took out of this, it is to at least try half as hard as she did in connecting with herself, finding meaning in the world, or even come up with the courage to say hi to strangers.

  • Toree Easterwood
    Toree Easterwood 4 месяца назад

    "and um....."

  • Monica A.
    Monica A. 4 месяца назад

    The frequent "umm" is SO distracting

  • Rebecca Gold
    Rebecca Gold 5 месяцев назад

    Everyone likes to talk about themselves. She's not talking, she's listening. The real question is, do you really want to spend your time listening to what a bunch of strangers want to tell you? I don't.