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What is Emotional Abuse? | The Top Emotional Abuse Warning Signs

  • Published on Feb 27, 2018
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    How to know if you are being emotionally abused?
    Abuse - no matter what kind, is always about power and control. But it's not always obvious this is what's happening - especially when it comes to emotional abuse - which is why we are talking about it here in this important video.
    Emotional abuse is a lot more common and serious than many of us might think because it's not as obvious as other kinds of abuse, and you may not even realize you are being emotionally abused by someone in your life.
    Here we are going to talk about the main signs of emotional abuse so you can tell if you or somebody that you know is being emotionally abused in order to put a stop to this kind of harmful treatment.
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Comments • 1 055

  • carla clairvain
    carla clairvain 3 years ago +475

    The anxiety that someone gets from a relationship like this is ridiculous. In a way you end up losing your true self and start questioning your entire life

    • John Orr
      John Orr 6 months ago

      You also start to question your own self-worth. The way abusers are able to counter exclamations is astonishing. They know how to make you feel guilty for doing something good; as in the example early in the video. Me: "I have to start weaving the tartan designs I created over the years." Them: "Give me a break!" or "You can't. That's just a hobby. Let others weave your designs." - True reply.

    • carla clairvain
      carla clairvain 7 months ago +2

      @Counter Intuitive I’m so happy to hear that the cycle has been broken. It’s ironic how most of the people that are supposed to be there to protect us be the ones that end up hurting us. So proud of you for overcoming everything and for breaking the cycle. ❤️

    • Counter Intuitive
      Counter Intuitive 7 months ago +3

      That's exactly how it went down with me. My mother is a narcissist and has emotionally abused me my entire life. I've been no contact for 17 months now and has slowly been getting over the anxiety that she caused in my life. It was pretty unbearable at one point. I spent a lot of time balled up on the couch. At one point I felt like the damage was irreversible. But at least I can say I broke the cycle. my children will never be made to feel the way that I was made to feel

    • Chumie October
      Chumie October 8 months ago +2

      Soo true ✌🏾
      The anxiety
      The trauma

    • Christina Fidance
      Christina Fidance Year ago +1

      Yeah, mine gives me terrible panic attacks and then accuses me of being on drug again. (I’ve been clean for 3 years!) And he gives me the worse anxiety I ever felt.

  • Christopher Green
    Christopher Green 3 years ago +133

    Abusers also have a certain amnesia when you try to call them on their abuse: ..."When did I ever do THAT???? Name ONE time!"

    • A Butterfly
      A Butterfly Month ago

      NARC behaviour!

    • gogi682
      gogi682 4 months ago +1

      @NoPCsHere Yes, he says "Oh it was nothing" "everyone else does that" "my friend goes drinking all the time with Suzie, his wife is ok with it" (to make me have guilt)...I must be wrong? No the wife was friends and went out all the time with the guy and "suzie". So a lie, guilt, making me int the wrong. Just an example. So much abuse....sarcasm, snarks, lies.....

    • Helen 13
      Helen 13 4 months ago +2

      The reason I won't take my husband back, he forgets how much pain he put me through.

    • Darcie E.
      Darcie E. 5 months ago

      Ouch. Yeah I get that one a lot.

    • Luna Dust
      Luna Dust 8 months ago

      @Halle LuJah same here. I want to divorce both of them.

  • Iza Waniek
    Iza Waniek Year ago +21

    Emotional abuse is such a serious problem. It is life threatening . You can often observe the symptomps of it in the people who are the victims. They are often sensitive, empathic individuals maybe with some history of childhood abuse who have unhealed trauma, CPTSD or similar problems and they fall prey to manipulative, controlling predatory individuals who drain the life out of them. Sometimes you watch people fading away because of the emotional abuse they are subjected to. Julia, your videos are saving people’s lives. Keep making them, please.

  • The Nightmare Arcade
    The Nightmare Arcade 3 years ago +113

    I’m always made to feel wrong for having emotions. The “Why you being so sensitive “ hits me a lot .

    • 2% Reagan
      2% Reagan Year ago +4

      “Stop being a victim”
      “Stop being so emotional”
      “You’re not the victim here”
      “I should be crying, not you”
      Yelling constantly, telling you you’re failing
      “You make me feel like a failure”
      “I want a normal family but you’ve messed it up”

    • Jennifer Ivey
      Jennifer Ivey Year ago +2

      Yes!! Exactly!! I’m being too sensitive or playing the victim...

  • Amanda Phillips
    Amanda Phillips 3 years ago +114

    I was abused, won't say how, but I can tell you that this is true. You don't know untill you're older and it just makes you feel worthless. Please, PLEASE get help before you're 38 years old and are too scared to even go out in public like I am.Not sure if I'm dealing with a narcissist or an abusive person. But it feels the same to me. Both are Bad!

    • Lori Bassett
      Lori Bassett Month ago

      My X is my X because he couldn’t force me to quit smoking then it was he wanted me to choose him over my children and actually tried to turn me against them( didn’t ever happen ) but ohh he tried and he was cheating and lied when (I’m an intuitive empath) … I got proof and he still lies about it to this day. 18 months later. But he left me on our 28th anniversary. He has yet to ever have a conversation over any of it too.

    • Margret Fasset
      Margret Fasset 2 months ago +1

      My life bv would be completely different if I had left...

    • Kevin Aaron
      Kevin Aaron Year ago +3

      Hi Amanda, pray to Jesus...
      He will heal your soul.

    • Jennifer Ivey
      Jennifer Ivey Year ago +1

      I feel you on this more than I want to say here. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too! All of us!! It’s sad!! I’m the same way I don’t like to go out either it frightens me.

    • WindiGreens
      WindiGreens 2 years ago +5

      Reach out to someone in your family or someone who knows you and cares enough to help you get out of the situation. I can tell you by experience that when you're around an emotionally abusive person, it affects your self-worth in a way that makes you withdraw, isolate, and socialize less. The negative feelings you have around an emotionally abusive person will slowly evaporate if you could be around at least one person who loves, cherishes, and cares for you and your wellbeing. Reach out to someone who cares about you and isn't charmed by your abuser to the point they would believe the person over you. A caring person will help you break free. You're worth that.

  • Ryan Patrick
    Ryan Patrick 4 years ago +14

    SUCH a mindfuck, and totally heartbreaking. Was able to be fairly tolerant of it, up until recently. DONE with all of it. ZERO tolerance policy at this point.

  • craigzilla100
    craigzilla100 4 years ago +88

    I love how your videos are gender neutral so anyone can relate to the material. Most abuse videos are focused on female victims and I've been fortunate enough to find a few male victim channels out there.. you're so easy to listen to and provide the perfect level of enthusiasm. Thank you so much for your work!

    • Kurt Toy
      Kurt Toy Year ago +2

      I lived with a couple of emotionally and mentally abusive women myself.

    • Ante Androvic
      Ante Androvic Year ago +1

      yup thats what u thought too ... the majority probably r males ... but there woman can have all those patterns too.

    • Flexible Dreamer
      Flexible Dreamer 2 years ago +5

      It’s also relationship neutral. Many videos on emotional abuse is given in the context of domestic violence but emotional abuse can happen in any relationship.

    • Sarah
      Sarah 3 years ago +5

      " I love how your videos are gender neutral so anyone can relate to the material."......................................"you're so easy to listen to and provide the perfect level of enthusiasm. Thank you so much for your work!" hear, hear! totally agree.

  • Dan Diaz Entertainment
    Dan Diaz Entertainment 3 years ago +51

    My father was emotionally abusive to me. When he passed on, my mother asked me if I missed him. When I took time answering, she said "What's to miss?" She knew how he treated her, me, and others.

    • Nicolas Cataldo
      Nicolas Cataldo 9 months ago +2

      That's incredibly sad. His "legacy" is a family that hates him because he used you guys as a scratching post to wear down his claws down at the end of the day.
      The interesting thing to me, the reason I'm watching these videos, is that there are so many men and women like this that go through life hurting people on purpose. Why do they do these things? Why do they treat those closest to them as if they're enemies? Why?

  • HLB
    HLB 3 years ago +8

    This applies to friendships too. I only just realised recently that a close 10 year friendship was emotionally abusive. I feel amazing since it has ended!!

  • Alexis Auntie SHE
    Alexis Auntie SHE 4 years ago +848

    In so messed up in the head that I have watched almost every video on emotional abuse just to be sure

    • Imagine Life Redesigned
      Imagine Life Redesigned Month ago

      Me and you both. Using the word “abuse” is such a huge thing. I know it’s happening but for some reason I can’t accept it.

    • rascallyrabbit
      rascallyrabbit 2 months ago

      the way out is simple but hard. be a good person. those who did not support and help you are more broken than you. try not to look at them. try not to understand them. they are broken. they will break you. God is love. the world is full of hate. be good, do good. shake off their filth and walk away. see where you are in a week, a month, a year. slow and steady.

    • johnn petterson
      johnn petterson 4 months ago

      I have sadly experienced, and still am, experiencing emotional abuse and don't know what to do. It is so bad that i can barely even talk to strangers. I can't get away from the relationship because I'm 13 and i live with my parents (my parents are the abusers) and have nowhere to go. But i have learned just to get over it because I can't do much about it.

    • Lael Mitchell
      Lael Mitchell 5 months ago

      Me too

    • Cait Sk4te
      Cait Sk4te 11 months ago +1

      I felt this to my core, currently going down the list myself…

  • Sachi Kuwahara
    Sachi Kuwahara 3 years ago +83

    My mom was really emotionally abusive. She really messed me up growing up. I think that is why I ended up with an emotionally abusive boyfriend. Thank god I finally got away from him.

    • gogi682
      gogi682 4 months ago

      @Lechantique I feel punished, but for what I don't know. Yes, suddenly the one I turned to for help and love, did not want me, and was hateful and took his love away, a divorce threat that never happened, though keeps on being threatened, as he knows I don't want the family broken. Yes silent treatment the minute I speak up. Lots of gaslighting, snarks, sarcasm, a totally different man than the one I knew (and it's "my fault" for not just "shutting up and forgetting everything". ) Won't even own up that he caused my anxiety and ptsd, like my doctor has said, but refers to me as "fucked up", and "if i want my needs/wants met....better find another man. " There you go. 100% no one I ever knew. Yes, and twisting and turning the story/words around, like I should not feel the way I do. "Im sorry you feel that way, but I don't know why you do". I'm overwhelmed.

    • TinaMfam
      TinaMfam Year ago +2

      I’m glad you got away from him. And what happened to your mom that contributed to her being how she was?

    • bethany Blevins
      bethany Blevins 2 years ago +2

      I'm so glad to hear that!

    • Lechantique
      Lechantique 2 years ago +5

      My husband often do all of those things to me 😢

  • BearCreek Girl
    BearCreek Girl 4 years ago +24

    married 29 years, 9 out of 10. I have know for a long time, but it is so hard to break away from. The psychological damage is so hard to deal with and re-train your brain to stand up for yourself.

    • Tina McGinn
      Tina McGinn 2 months ago

      Same. At this point I stay for my kids. He even talked me into being a stay at home mom. Now I have no career or money so I’m stuck

  • Trauma Talk
    Trauma Talk 4 years ago +14

    Such an important (and complex...and common) issue to address. Thank you so much Julia!

  • Sandra DiBiaso
    Sandra DiBiaso 3 years ago +72

    It is traumatizing! I have flashbacks every day of the emotional abuse my last boyfriend put me thru.

    • Cait Sk4te
      Cait Sk4te 11 months ago

      @Mickey T's imagine announcing to the entire world that you’re a piece of trash.

    • Fchamp D
      Fchamp D Year ago +1

      @Mickey T's not easy when you are traumatized, took me 3 months, 3 months of flashbacks and constant shaking 24/7.

    • Mickey T's
      Mickey T's Year ago

      Grow up
      Quit your whining

  • Sarah Kittelson
    Sarah Kittelson 4 years ago +29

    Yes, I like this quote....."Hurt people, hurt people." I'm still struggling with the after effects of emotional abuse, and it's been many years since I got out. It took a long time to realize the emotional abuse, until my child was suicidal. But we are happy and free now, and healing does happen, with consistent effort and counseling. And now we can find excellent help on RU-clip! Thank you for your excellent video's!! You make a difference!

  • Amanda Garcia
    Amanda Garcia 4 years ago +114

    This makes me so sad. I'm realizing now that I've probably been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 9 years, and it's a hard pill to swallow when I have loved this person, been married to this person, been committed to somebody that could do these things, intentionally or unintentionally. I have felt this way for such a long time, that I thought I was going crazy. But maybe now I see, it's not me. Thank you for your wisdom.

    • memsat2001
      memsat2001 3 years ago +3

      @MarleeSky Hon,people CAN CHANGE,but usually NOT W/O PROFESSIONAL HELP. For the sake of your sanity and your precious childs' welfare,stay away from him,DO NOT BE CONTROLLED BY HIM,it will only get worse,and you may get yourself in too deep. Please don't go there.

    • MarleeSky
      MarleeSky 3 years ago

      Is the only option to get out? Is there a way to work through the issues? Or do y’all believe they will never change? I’m not with him but he is the father of my child and still controls me.

    • Blessed Hope
      Blessed Hope 3 years ago +2

      Get out ASAP

    • Terri Rushford
      Terri Rushford 3 years ago +3

      I understand. My mom was terminally ill and my sister, an ER nurse, tried to tell me I was in an emotionally abusive 18 yr long marriage. It took me 10 years to accept she was correct and leave. It has been 3 years now and I had to contact him over terms of the divorce. His business failed and he got a job as an engineer again making six figures. I found out about Thanksgiving but he had not increased the alimony as he was supposed to do. Major fight started when he tried to gaslight me. Now I am all messed up again. I reached out to my lawyer because I need him between us.

    • Donna Thompson
      Donna Thompson 3 years ago

      No,. My house and I have nowhere to go.

  • Kourtney Sanders
    Kourtney Sanders 4 years ago +36

    This really hits home, Julia! Every single one of these signs are relatable to me! Thanks, as always!!

    • Kelloggs
      Kelloggs 4 years ago

      Kourtney Sanders

    • Kourtney Sanders
      Kourtney Sanders 4 years ago +3

      I always find all of your content so helpful, Julia! Thanks so much! I was curious to hear what signs you were going to speak about and was actually quite shocked to realize that every one of them fit a relationship that I currently have. It can be so hard to say something - especially when you're made to feel like the crazy one. I am grateful for your knowledge!

    • Julia Kristina Counselling
      Julia Kristina Counselling  4 years ago +6

      So grateful you found it helpful Kourtney, and I'm really sorry to hear you've had to put up with people treating you in these ways - that's not okay.

  • Darklakota
    Darklakota 3 years ago +3

    This video is a perfect description of my childhood and early adulthood. It basically describes my mother completely. Since she was my sole caretaker and I was an only child I got the full force of it. It has taken me till my thirties to even realize how bad things were and how much it has affected me. We rarely communicate now but the effects are still there and they are a constant struggle.

  • brett neuberger
    brett neuberger Year ago +7

    Excellent video. What makes it even harder is that the more you stand up for yourself, the more threatened they feel and the more they turn up the heat. Equal isn’t equal to them until they’re on top. So, unless you figure out their crazy-ass games and disengage, the drama will escalate until you’re finally left broken, alone, and in an emotional heap. (They turn others against you.) Still, if that’s what it takes to finally be out of their world, so be it. You’ll be free. It’ll take time to heal, but you’ll be so much stronger - and hopefully wiser.

    • Maria Galicia
      Maria Galicia Year ago

      I wonder if an emotional abuser can change? This case is even more complicate because he suffers of strong depression. The ironic is that toward society he is an ethical man but in his love relation he is so difficult and complex. What do you think this person can change?

  • J
    J 3 years ago +3

    Hi Julia! I love this video and can relate to it a lot. I would love it if you could do a video on Childhood Emotional Abuse and how to recover from it, that would be unbelievable helpful!

  • Simon Ben Natan
    Simon Ben Natan Year ago +9

    Three times I totally fell in love with emotionally abusive men that raged at me. I am taking now responsibility of going to therapy because it's my pattern. I was yelled a lot as a child. It's a huge challenge, but I may have to start seeing my long term future as being happy alone and single. For me hurtful love is an addiction.

  • TBD
    TBD 3 years ago +32

    Lying in an “intimate” relationship is abuse.

  • Rachel Ann
    Rachel Ann 4 years ago +6

    This nailed it!!! I just discovered my 8 year "casual relationship" fits the description of what is called the covert narcissistic personality and as I started to do that research I see why I have been living like a walking zombie for the past years not knowing what is wrong with me and why I can't even achieve the most simplest of tasks. I knew there was something wrong inside of me that I could not understand and since I am a highly sensitive person it seemed as if my sensitivity had just gone haywire and Amplified go my focus has been on self-healing self-awareness and I appreciate videos like this because it really makes it clear where the abuse occurs even when you least expect it.

    • Rachel Ann
      Rachel Ann 3 years ago

      @Joy Colson Glad you are aware of your value in all of this. You are right about giving up the attraction when you strengthen self love. Its not as easy as it seems I know, but it's worth the struggle. If we can survive loving these "types" we can do anything!! 💪 😉💛😄
      Stay strong! Sending you love ~Rachel

    • Joy Colson
      Joy Colson 3 years ago +2

      fluttergirl9 I am right there where you are. In a way, it's so scary to realize that I was being emotionally abused but in a more important way, now I can finally get far away from him and heal the wounds that made him attractive to me. I know when I repair the relationship with me and love myself, I won't even think twice about men like him. I pray for his soul too. He has no clue. He thinks he is just the sweetest most loving guy on the planet. He denies being abusive in any way, so I wish him well. I'm so glad to be aware and out of there! Stay strong girlfriend!

  • John Orr
    John Orr 6 months ago +3

    Over the years, I have learned that abusers only recognize their own boundaries. To them, everybody else's boundaries don't matter.

  • brnt034
    brnt034 3 years ago +4

    Subbed. You nailed my last relationship. Even after all these years, the emotional abuse I suffered still had me second guessing myself ... but not anymore. Thank you, Julia!!

  • Ohno!Notthevampire
    Ohno!Notthevampire Year ago +3

    Very informative and confirmative. Accurately described. Going through some of the things described in the video, but thankfully I have such a strong stance on my opinions and values that my would-be abusers ended up being powerless to try and shame, humiliate and guilt me to sway me from my opinions. It's videos like this that add on to my awareness, illumination, and self-improvement. Nothing but appreciation for this video and videos like this.

  • Angela Mossucco
    Angela Mossucco 3 months ago +1

    Thank you for this list. Emotional exploitation is rampant and requires strength knowledge wisdom and support, to avoid or reject. I’m still myself Working on identifying patterns of why we attract this type of control and how to prevent it rather than have to combat it.

  • More Tiera
    More Tiera 2 years ago +13

    Legitimately I was in a relationship where I get emotionally abuse and my anxiety Increased and I feel like I lost my True self and I feel like I will never really find that true part of me again

  • Scarred Marquet
    Scarred Marquet 4 years ago +213

    I used to ask “why are you even married to me if I upset you so much?”

    • Bleu 💎
      Bleu 💎 2 months ago

      @Scarred Marquet same to you❤

    • Bleu 💎
      Bleu 💎 2 months ago

      I said the same thing

    • M
      M 4 months ago +1

      WOW! I would say the same exact thing to my ex gf. Glad I’m not alone.

    • Sammfyre Persephone
      Sammfyre Persephone 9 months ago

      I hope you haven’t bought a house with that man yet

    • Kevin Aaron
      Kevin Aaron Year ago

      They need emotional energy that they need to "consume".
      Positive emotions is probably harder to produce...

  • J
    J 3 years ago +1

    I have been emotionally abused mostly by my dad, less from my mum, this has happened my entire life - I only realised this yesterday! So now I'm limiting the amount of time I speak to my abusive father. Thanks truly for sharing this Julia it feels great to be understood, even if it's just a little bit.

  • Marianne Morton
    Marianne Morton 3 years ago +2

    You are describing my relationship! I am so sad that all of these thing have happened to me. I don't like to think of myself as a victim, but I know I have been duped for years.

  • Monica Planko
    Monica Planko 3 years ago

    Thank you so much for your videos. They’ve been amazing for me! I’m nowhere near where I need to be but I’ve successfully left my fiancé who was an abusive alcoholic and I honestly have you to thank for helping me see the light. X

  • LeNora DeNNis59
    LeNora DeNNis59 4 years ago +17

    Your video did make me realize, I'm in an emotional abuse relationship,and sometimes I give it back 😡(not sure if it's worth it)

  • Matthew Vargas
    Matthew Vargas Year ago +1

    Thank you so much for this. It's scary how many points you made that align with my past toxic friendship. The individual I was friends with used to flirt with me and push boundaries that made me feel that there was something romantic brewing under the surface. For a while, I went along with the advances thinking they were just being overly friendly and that it was their nature to be more affectionate. However, after a while I expressed how I was uncomfortable with their touchiness and how telling me 'I love you' was out of bounds and that it all needed to stop immediately. I'm very loyal to the ones I love and unfortunately I tolerated for too long what I now can see was an emotionally abusive relationship. After 1.5 years and with the support of my therapist and close friends, I made the jump and ended the 'friendship'. It is one of the best choices I've ever made in my life. Today, I struggle with some symptoms of anxiety but I'm working through that with the help of the Holy Spirit and a Christian counselor. There is hope out there for anyone who feels like they're suffocating and have lost themselves. Don't give up and seek help.

  • Blue Beard
    Blue Beard 3 years ago

    This was incredibly eye-opening for me. My girlfriend has been doing all of this exactly as it's described. Until I watch this I never realized how toxic our relationship had become.

  • Edna Carr
    Edna Carr 4 years ago +13

    Extremely well summed up. Very clear. Thank you.

  • Cora Bales
    Cora Bales 3 years ago +21

    My husband was physically & emotionally abusive ! God blessed me, by letting me Outlive him !

    • Tiffany Zoe
      Tiffany Zoe 3 years ago +1

      Oh you poor dear :( I’m sorry

    • Kari Short
      Kari Short 3 years ago +2

      I am so happy to read this....I pray that you spread your wings, fly and live happily ever after, because you deserve it 💓

  • Debbie Aguilar
    Debbie Aguilar 4 years ago +29

    wow Julia! Thankyou for this! Sooo helpful! You are describing my life with my parents and sister to a tee.... sadly.

    • Julia Kristina Counselling
      Julia Kristina Counselling  4 years ago +3

      So glad it was helpful Debbie - and I'm really sorry to hear you've had to be in relationship with people who treat you these ways - I can imagine how painful that's been for you. No one deserves that.

  • baggywhiskers
    baggywhiskers Year ago +2

    This is exactly what my family has been doing to me for a good majority of my life. Now I face homelessness because they would rather gaslight me and blame me for things that aren't my fault.

  • Gille87
    Gille87 4 years ago +99

    I just realized that this is me. My whole life this was how I was being treated by my own parents, especially my mom who admitted her own mom was mentally ill, and was mean to her, so I grew up thinking this was normal and acceptable behavior not knowing that I even did it my self to others, especially my boyfriend. In reality this is often a result of feeling disappointed, feeling hurt, not having the support or empathy and understanding from a loved one that you thought was a given, so you respond with threats and try to punish the other person because you want them to hurt as they hurt you. You want them to be really sad, and inflict emotional pain onto them for making you feel this way. I also realized I am not the only one. Many a person around me does this as well...often totally aware, but we do it anyway out of resentment and anger.

    • QuiDocetDiscit
      QuiDocetDiscit 2 years ago

      If you fight fire with fire, you only end up with ashes. Express your concerns instead of going passive aggressive. Becoming like them is a failure in your personal integrity and development.

    • Cigy Paul
      Cigy Paul 3 years ago +1

      @Tanja J.E. Markgraf No not just a european thing, happens literally everywhere, especially in poverty stricken countries abd also when u have crazy cultures and strict crazy family life.

    • JoanaE
      JoanaE 3 years ago +2

      I found out at age 40 that my parents emotionally abused me. I spent 35 years trying to figure out why I was always so sad, depressed, felt so ugly and socially awkward. I sought for help since I was like 13. I tried so hard to be normal and happy. I kept staying away from home, not being sure why. Unfortunatelly, I also realized I repeated the abuse circle with boyfriends😞. Now, that I know I am not what I was taught I was; I want to restart my life like for 10th time.

    • Zainab Siddiqui
      Zainab Siddiqui 3 years ago

      REGARDS FRAE SCOTLAND..@Tanja J.E. Markgraf

    • Felicia Berry
      Felicia Berry 3 years ago +2

      Thank you for admitting this. This is me too and Idk how to manage. I have no friends, and my marriage is falling apart. 😩

  • Sherri H
    Sherri H 3 years ago +2

    Oh my gosh Julia, my daughter (37 yr. old) has done this to me for years. It has been so terrible. Recently, family members have gone to her and talked with her about it (she doesn't know that I am aware of that) and she has really lightened up, I just find it hard to believe that is could possibly be long term. She has been emotionally cruel to me since she was a teenager. I love her so much and I deeply crave a "normal" relationship. Please tell me more about setting boundaries.

  • BK
    BK 3 years ago +2

    Holy crap, you just read the whole story of my 40-year marriage! We are now divorced, bankrupt and had our house foreclosed. Although I am seeing a therapist, there is only so much she can do to help me try to overcome this utter brokenness. Narcissists love to find empaths, then they destroy them.

  • Joua Lee Grande
    Joua Lee Grande 4 months ago +1

    Sigh, sounds exactly like my cousin. It took years for me to realize it was emotional abuse. I just knew I did not appreciate the way she was treating me and was punished for pointing it out to her or taking space to be away from that treatment. Manipulating me worked for a long time... Until it no longer did. Set boundaries with her and she went on to cut me out of her life and simply lie to everyone around us that I did horrible things to her. So now I have a ton of people who hate me for things I never did, they were actually things she did to me. Yet if I dare to point that out, I'm the bad guy. 🤷

  • Angela J
    Angela J Year ago +1

    I would love to see a video on the difference between healthy boundaries and emotional abuse or controlling behavior. Examples of confusion that I've seen lately involve things like cheating or breaking trust or being disrespectful in other ways in relationships. For example, there is a debate that I see a lot, and I believe is very relevant in today's society. A woman says she will not tolerate porn or the use of other sex worker use in her relationship, because she sees it as disrespectful to herself and other women both. I have heard this idea criticized nonstop (mostly by men, but also many other women) and they say that she's insecure and trying to control her partner, and then she's punishing him if she withdraws from the relationship when he doesn't respect her boundary and does the transgression anyway. Which side of this argument is emotionally abusive? Is it controlling to set a boundary like this in a relationship? Or is it controlling and abusive to try to force someone to allow a violation of their boundaries?

  • TurtleHatching
    TurtleHatching 3 years ago +29

    I was married to someone who did every single one of those things ALL the time. The divorce should be final soon and I'm ready for my new life ;)

    • Fudge Sickle
      Fudge Sickle 2 years ago +1

      YEAH!!!! Good for you!

    • Spiritual Black Butterfly Tarot
      Spiritual Black Butterfly Tarot 3 years ago +2

      Meags Good for you! I’m a victim also and just now seeing this after 9 years of marriage! Can not wait to be completely free! Congratulations to you!!!

  • 12 legged Sasquatch..
    12 legged Sasquatch.. 4 years ago +158

    While curiously affording themselves all of the feelings and rights that they deny you.

  • A Cody Strode Account
    A Cody Strode Account 3 years ago

    First, let me say thank you for all the guidance and support your videos have given me. They have helped me in my roles as a son, grandson, husband, brother, teacher, and student in ways I can’t express.
    In regards to your commentary on the silent treatment, what if I have made numerous attempts to communicate my boundaries to someone and how their behaviors violate them, only to be ignored, have my concerns minimized and to be undermined?
    If I chose to be silent and deny them my efforts, am I being emotionally abusive? I feel like it is my attempt at being composed until they can own up to their wrongs and communicate some sort of apology or effort to better our interactions. Is there a more productive course of action for me if they are family and we live together? Typically, this person relies on waiting the situation out until I show positivity or they undermine me until I am exhausted and don’t say anything.

  • Zeynep Eryiğit
    Zeynep Eryiğit 4 years ago +9

    I experienced situations overwhelming me where I was so confused about my feelings and perceptions I started to doubt my perceived reality, I continuesly felt shame, guilt and even apologized many times. Deep inside I remember noticing sadism (punishing comments, small gestures), silent treatment, angerbursts...which he presented as a normal consequence of my behaviour towards him. At one point when I said something what made him angry, he said: "you are reaching a limit, I don't know what I will do next". I then realised..my gut speaking..this was a threat! I said: "are you threatening me?". He replied: "No, I am just scared of what I will be capable of doing". In a very short period of time spent together (3 days!) he got me to the point where I felt huge shame, guilt and distrusted my own perceived reality. I saw the monster inside him. The kind, valueing, respecting, supporting person dissappeared, and a cruel sadistic unloving monster showed himself. Still weeks after I was confused (I guess it was cognitive dissonance what I experienced), no a few months later I come to the realisation my feelings were right, my gut was right..but with little steps.. its still not easy to understand, process and accept what happened fully. But your video helps in this process. Thank you!

    • v
      v 3 years ago +1

      They put on a nice guy act at first. The first time they don't act like that nice guy realize they deliberately fooled you and get away from them.

  • Hannah Zaccaro
    Hannah Zaccaro 4 years ago +3

    U legit just described my brother, father and mother when I was little, and now my sister currently. I thought I was going crazy with how they were treating me. Thank you for finally validating this for me.

  • Ari Goldberg
    Ari Goldberg 2 years ago

    Hi Julia. Would your course on boundaries help with dealing with emotionally abusive people? I've watched about 10 or so of your videos and I really resonate with them. I got in a fight with my sister and I started searching RU-clip for keywords like verbal abuse, difficult people, bullying, etc., and yours was about the 5th or 6th one I watched. I think the first one was how to set boundaries with difficult people.

  • eloïse
    eloïse 4 years ago +14

    Thanks for this video, it helped me realize im being emotionally abused by my mother and sister (i kind of already knew I think but now I know im not overreacting). But I just really don't know what to do to make them stop I don't feel safe in my own house

    • Sticker Lady
      Sticker Lady 4 years ago +1

      Queenstown break up

    • Sticker Lady
      Sticker Lady 4 years ago +2

      Can you move out??

    • Queenstown
      Queenstown 4 years ago

      anakylo im sad because I don't want to break up with my boyfriend because I love him but he hurts my feelings every time I told him can he be a little bit polite he ignored my conversation is said what is the gift because I am supposed to give him a gift I feel trapped

  • cathybelle81
    cathybelle81 3 years ago +14

    Imagine being stuck in such a relationship. You left your country, everything behind to marry that person and then they took off the mask and become everything you tried avoiding in a relationship 😩

    • cathybelle81
      cathybelle81 2 years ago +1

      Michael Santiago good for you for seeing it early and walking away!

    • Michael Santiago
      Michael Santiago 2 years ago +2

      This almost happened to me. I was about to leave the US and move to London to get married. I lost my family because I walked away on the idea of marriage, and a friend turned against me. Was I always great? No. But this insidious form of abuse always seeped its way into the relationship and I was always at blame when I had too much and just got angry as I held too much of it in. She smeared me and made me question myself everyday for months on end. It's torture.

    • Fudge Sickle
      Fudge Sickle 2 years ago

      That sucks, get your citizenship and leave the asshole for good!

    • TBD
      TBD 3 years ago +1

      cathybelle81 exactly and totally.

  • Terminatorfan 2016
    Terminatorfan 2016 10 months ago +1

    What makes videos like these very educational is that every single one of us, simply because we're human, has or does emotionally abuse somebody and most of the time not even realize it. It's not an excuse at all, but it's something that a lot of us should wake up to. Even beyond marriage and relationships, best friends, workplace relations, and family who can all be close and care deeply for each other, but might say things to each other more than you would to some joe blow on the street because in a way you feel like you can get away with it more because they know that you don't hate them and not trying to intentionally degrade them, but still, no matter what, we got to be as careful and aware as possible. Even when we have that one friend that we might overly make fun of, that could be a form of unaware emotional abuse. Even the littlest things can be emotionally abusive. Like I said, it's crazy that a lot of us are completely unaware that we are guilty of it to some degree.

  • Isabelle Amé
    Isabelle Amé 3 years ago

    Thanks for reminding me that my bullies had a rough time themselves, still doesnt justify what they did to me but it is easier to forgive them. What hurts me more is that my parents never talked to me about it after I finally told my older sister and my mom even kept on critisizing my looks and my weight. She never hugged me. She always made me feel ashamed when I failed at something.

    • Fudge Sickle
      Fudge Sickle 2 years ago +1

      That's really sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.

  • E Ahrens
    E Ahrens 2 years ago

    30 yrs ago I faced a domestic violence I went through several Therapy’s n I just noticed it helped me a great deal. I just recently left an emotional abuser just after only a few red signs.

  • Frenchie
    Frenchie 2 months ago +1

    It’s one thing to accept you’re in an abusive relationship and leave, but a completely other thing to accept that you allowed that treatment for so long. It’s a long road to recover from these relationships!

  • gateguardian44
    gateguardian44 3 years ago

    Wow... You just nailed so much about what my emotionally abusive ex-g/f did during our relationship. Kudos!

  • Christine Sawyer
    Christine Sawyer 3 years ago +1

    Thank you so much for your talk. I found it spoke to me on many levels within my past and present life circumstances. It reminds me to check myself, and stop accepting the treatments that are detrimentally afforded to me because I have allowed them to do so. I've subscribed to you and hope to find more thoughtful discussions which will trigger beneficial internal realizations which only I can change to make a positive impact on my life journey. Again, thank you!

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson 5 months ago

      Christine Sawyer,You don't need a narcissist in your life!

  • Ana Phylaxis
    Ana Phylaxis  Year ago

    Wow, this is right out of my sister’s playbook. As kids we would agree to something, then I would fulfill my part of it expecting her to do the same, but of course she didn’t. It was so infuriating!

  • Eric Seal
    Eric Seal Year ago

    Great video. Thanks for posting. I look back in hindsight, on emotionally abusive people that I have known, and my biggest regret is that I didn't (peacefully) cut them off and that we didn't shake hands and go our separate ways.

  • Laura Gadille
    Laura Gadille 4 years ago +32

    My family was so emotionally abused me. I'm the black sheep of the family, so why not hurt me.I can't wait to move away from them just for my sanity.

  • Shyamala Ratnayeke
    Shyamala Ratnayeke Year ago +1

    Describes my mother to perfection, 😁 Took me a long time to recognize it for what it was.

  • Praptono Adhi Sulistomo

    Thank you for your explanation. I realize that all these signs you have mentioned are the current condition that I've been through

  • Meaghan Ross
    Meaghan Ross 3 years ago +8

    Every point hit home in my most recent relationship. My ex was a narcissist, I just know it. And I fell for his facade for 14 months, fell for his manipulation and hoovering. It damages your spirit at the time, but these types of relationships can make you stronger if you let them. Always trust your gut feeling and get out as soon as you can.

  • Steph C
    Steph C 4 years ago +1

    I need a notebook! Great video as usual. I love that saying “take good care” TFS

  • Bella Jacome
    Bella Jacome 4 years ago +33

    My parents are both like this and I’m struggling a lot. I have mental health issues I’m working on as well as trying to finish school. My biggest struggle is that my parents are refusing to let me get a job even though I turn 18 in less than half a year. They say it’s their house and their rules. I’ve made it clear to them that I can rely on myself to get myself to and from work since they refused to take me, and that school would always come first. It’s really confusing because one day my mom will be talking about some place that’s hiring people and how cool it would be if I worked there, and the next day she’s saying she forbids me from doing it and that school is going to be too hard for me and that I don’t want to take public transportation because of the bad people. They constantly put me down and make me feel so bad about myself. I haven’t been suicidal in a year but my parents make me feel like I am. They’ve told my therapist that I’m cutting when I’m not and that I’m super disrespectful. And no one believes me. Or if they do, they don’t take me seriously enough. We even had a family therapist who told my parents that they can’t keep saying harmful things and once she left, my parents started all over again. I can’t tell if I can even consider what they do as abuse because maybe I’m just too sensitive? Idk sorry for the rant. I know I’m three months late with this comment.

    • Bella Jacome
      Bella Jacome 2 years ago +4

      Fudge Sickle just to let ya know, that post is from over a year ago. I left my state in the middle of the night and started my life over again in a new state. I got very fortunate that I had support in doing so or else I wouldn’t have made it. Just saying “get a job” doesn’t help at all btw. My old freaking post was about how my parents WOULDNT let me get one.

    • Fudge Sickle
      Fudge Sickle 2 years ago

      Get a job and move out I have always regretted not leaving when I was in highschool. You only need a studio apartment and now a days you can finish school on line sometimes it's just much better to get away from abusive people. You would have more peace of mind not dealing with abusive people. Maybe you can get a decent used car if you keep your living expenses down which is why I suggest a studio apt. Good luck with whatever you decide. I just wish I had left when I was younger, I would have been much happier, my parents were emotionally abusive and it really sucked!!!

    • Vicki Barker
      Vicki Barker 4 years ago +13

      Dear Bella, I so understand your pain and confusion. I also suffered with narcissistic parents. They just want to keep you with them forever because of their own abandonment issues, and take away any sense of independence that you have. Don’t let them do it. Believe in yourself. You are a wonderful, caring sensitive soul and no one has the right to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. It’s about boundaries and saying No without feeling guilty. I know because I still struggle with all these things. I send you love and compassion and know that you will get through this to live a happy, free and independent life on your terms. Much love to you. Xxxx

    • Siddeeqah Isaacs
      Siddeeqah Isaacs 4 years ago

      Bella Jacome

    • Josanna Savoie
      Josanna Savoie 4 years ago +6

      I'm sorry I can't say I have the answer for you, but I don't think there is such a thing as being too sensitive, we all have the right to our feelings.

  • Karen Brandt
    Karen Brandt 3 years ago +1

    I grew up in an alcoholic, abusive home with other issues in the home as well... handicapped sister, dying grandparents, my parents having another baby to keep the family together. (It worked!) I was kicked out at 18 as indomitable and unwanted extra baggage. I am still healing at 67 years of age!

  • Ashley Laduke
    Ashley Laduke 2 years ago

    Oh my gosh I am balling my eyes out because I knew I wasn't crazy! Up until about the 11:20 mark LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU SAID was IDENTICAL. IDENTICAL! to everything I have been going through for 8 yrs. This past 9 months have been a DAILY struggle because I just couldn't let the feeling go that something wasn't right due to obvious inconsistencies and catching him CONSTANTLY lying to me. Nine months ago I found irrefutable proof that I was right about everything I was feeling (like a week straight of devastating things one right after the other I wasn't even trying to find!) and he has literally done EVERYTHING up to the timestamp mentioned earlier without fail. I am balling my eyes out right now because I knew deep down I wasn't crazy. I knew deep down it wasn't MY "guilty conscience" making me express my worries to him when something didn't look and/or feel right. All the while I was being emotionally tormented because the betrayals didn't stop there. After he saw me completely deteriorating because of his actions, hostile/hurtful responses and treatment afterwards he didn't change anything and tried to just sweep it under the rug or ignore it and maybe I'll forget it too and move on. Then he can get back to "his" agenda peacefully. I have pleaded and cried and screamed with him trying to tell him that but I was just met with everything you said. The thing is I haven't been able to let this go and I just found out last week that he has told everyone in his company that he left me and is "problem and baggage free" now and that he was telling everyone that was around when I was upset and getting on his C.B. and letting everyone hear me at my worst breaking point then say "see she is mean to me" "she doesn't treat me good" or "she puts me down" when that isn't even the definition of what putting someone down IS. I'm not kidding here but he seems very convincing that he believes it HIMSELF?... How though?? I was just listing everything I recognized he was doing to me and behind my back and since I couldn't prove it at the time all the way it was VERY EASY for him to convince people he was a victim since the drivers talk. Pretty soon everyone in the company unbeknownst to me thinks this and is telling him to leave ME. I caught him cheating online too and he denies it is cheating or will try and backpedal later and say he just looked at pictures when I have proof of the contrary. Or he will say "well I thought you were cheating". I Thought we were good so many times. I was and even now still am completely faithful and honorable. After finding out everything I did, I am completely devastated, heartbroken and in a horrible place(description doesn't even feel like it touches what I am feeling internally) Please, do you think you would have any advice for me? Is this a lost cause? Is it savable?

  • christopher lee
    christopher lee 3 years ago

    Omgosh Julia! I'm sitting here with my other half & we have been watching your videos that started with me curious about "how to understand a loved one that struggles w/ depression" & 7ish videos later it has landed us here. so to my sickness i've dealt with, I just watched you speak it into an understanding in real time. like wow! How I can just already feel & start to even see the healing that its going to bring into my life, relationships & rest of my life. So thank you, we thank you for just being and doing what you do. ~Chris & Lisa.

  • 22beachchick
    22beachchick 4 years ago +4

    Thanks for this video Julia. this describes my life right now. My roommate does all 10 of these.
    I am not able to leave so I wonder if counceling will be of any help.

    • Trauma Talk
      Trauma Talk 4 years ago +1

      22beachchick I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this...I know in my own experience, counseling has always been helpful to me. Even if I am still stuck in a situation: all the best to you and I really hope things get better for you and you are able to get out of there soon. 💜

  • Cecilie Andersen
    Cecilie Andersen 4 years ago

    “You owe me to do this for me” is a line they use a lot too, I was in a emotionally abusive relationship for almost a year and I didn’t even notice it, It was so devastating and I was so broken. I thought something was wrong with me all the time. Wouldn’t wish it for anyone, not even mi biggest enemy..

  • specialk24u
    specialk24u 4 years ago +1

    I am so moved by this video because everything you said, Julia hit home to what I went through for 18 years of Marriage. My X-husband used everyone of these techniques on me and I felt crazy, inadequate, small, untrusting of my self and others. I was so distraught I went to my local Domestic Violence place to ask if it was abuse. When they said yes, I was relieved that maybe there was a chance I wasn't crazy! He emotionally, and financially abused me for 15 years. After I helped his business endeavor and he financially bankrupted us, he retired early, and left me paying the mortgage and child care. Once I ask for a divorce, it got worst. He started to infuriate me on purpose, and undermine everything I asked the kids to do causing me to get angry. In turn he started telling the kids I'm crazy, said I wasn't paying the mortgage, he started giving them money or let them do things we agreed before we wouldn't allow. I was a wreck because it took 3 years to actually divorce. He took my 401K, (he spent his I got none), he took my pension (est $2k month), but his was $200 month. In 2008 I agreed he would take the house, but he couldn't buy it. Our home price dropped $100,000.00 during that month. My guess is he was waiting for my 401K as the downpayment to buy me out of my own house. Unfortunately today, my kids still believe his lies about me. In 2008 I changed my 20 year job, put the house up for sale after learning I had breast cancer and underwent radiation. I moved one week before Christmas, bought a new car, put up a christmas tree. Starting over I performed in a church Christmas show. Their father worked nights for 15 years and wasn't there emotionally, physically, or financially, but he told them I was the crazy one and too emotional. He was the Disney Dad only there for good times. My kids believe I'm the one causing the divorce and hold me accountable for it. I haven't told them how he forced and manipulated me into it, because they only have one father. I've made mistakes trying to explain to them and hoping for sympathy....not! I cannot say negative things about their father. Unfortunately, I will have to live with this. To me this silence only continues the abuse I endured, because I can never tell my kids the truth. I am a survivor and want desperately to share my story to prevent others from enduring this hell. Julie your insight in this video may help me to do this! I cannot thank you enough!

  • thatkaz
    thatkaz 3 years ago +8

    Possibly weird question: I watch videos like this and think, yeah...things weren't just my imagination, but I also wonder if they think I was emotionally abusive as well. Is this a normal thing? Could this be the case? What if I am the "bad guy"? I would hate to think that I have made them feel the way I have.

    • Sarah O'Donnell
      Sarah O'Donnell 3 years ago +4

      @CoconutBlossom Only a healthy person would question themselves. Abusers never stop to ask themselves. Take care.

    • CoconutBlossom
      CoconutBlossom 3 years ago +4

      I have this exact same feeling. Glad to see I'm not the only one. Especially when one of the points said that emotional abuse make you feel selfish or guilty for not doing what they want or ask of you. In my very complicated situation of a long distance "situationship", I often asked him to video chat with me (after 2 years we never did, go figure) and he would also bring up some excuse or decline, and eventually started saying I make him feel trapped or guilty, or obligated like he needs to do it. And I always thought to myself, but I have no problem doing almost anything you need me to do, why is this one thing so hard for you? And it's hard thinking of stuff like that and wondering if I was emotionally abusive at times? Or am I overthinking it? It's difficult.

  • evelyn baron
    evelyn baron 3 years ago +1

    I watched with interest your cogent presentation. I only have 2 points to make: not all abused children grow up abusing others. One well-known public figure was Tom Petty, whose father was a monster and Tom channelled his rage into ambition and a burning desire for fairness in the music industry. According to his bio, he unconsciously married an abusive partner and for reasons of loyalty and guilt found it traumatic to separate. The second half of his life was so much better. I also knew a young man whose childhood was happy until the age of 7, when enter the evil step-father. He acted out through substance abuse -- certainly self-medication makes sense in these circs; and he developed a Lancelot complex, always saving other people because he couldn't save himself. After his step-father killed his dog, he realized he was capable of taking someone else's life, so rather than do that, he killed himself.
    Point 2; you can grow up learning empathy in a loving family, and still find yourself prey to controlling abusive partners as an adult; you simply don't see the predator coming, referring e.g. to Anastasia's comment below. And if and when you do recognize what is happening, whether a man or woman, and take steps, you are in for a bumpy ride. Been there; stick it out people, next time around you will see them coming a mile away. This is the first time I've watched your channel and I love your clarity.

  • James Toney
    James Toney 4 years ago +38

    Physical, Emotional, Mental Abuse, and Bigotry.
    Physical and emotional abusers have something in common: The abuser is trying to control someone else.
    When they can't get someone to do something, or when they realise that they don't have control, they react.
    If you are being abused, you should try to remove yourself from these situations. After all who, wants to be constantly yelled at by an angry person? People often can't control their feelings. They'll curse you and say hateful things. These people will take it out on you if they are having a bad day.
    A Bigot is a person who does not tolerate other peoples opinions.
    In my opinion:
    Try to be sensitive to other peoples feelings and not ONE WAY, but Don't be a victim of abuse. Remember the Golden Rule,
    Treat others the way you would like to be treated. You will feel better about yourself when you look in the mirror.
    Pray for them, and seek to find approval with God.
    "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
    Then stay away instead of being a victim. Avoid people who are insensitive and that do not tolerate opinions and feelings of others.

    • Thomas Deanna
      Thomas Deanna Year ago

      I don't really know how it sound when i say such thing here, I've been searching for help on how to get rid of my ex lover that broke up with me 5 months ago and scamming me of my hard earn money .. I was traumatized by the incidence and nearly wanted to commit suicide because i was left with nothing but i thank God that i got the contact of Ogbeifun the spiritual father that helped me to get ride of my ex lover that scammed me after much searching of help from different places. When i got in touch with Dr Ogbeifun, i explained everything to him and he gave me his words of encouragement and told me what i wanted, if i need him back or i need revenge and i told him i want him dead because the wicked must not go unpunished so Ogbeifun help me cast a death spell on him and within 48 hours my ex lover was found dead in his apartment with a suicide note and since that day i became a happy woman and now i have regain all that i have lost in the past with the help of Dr Ogbeifun. If you need any assistance whatsoever like getting cured from sickness, getting pregnant, spell of various type E.T.C. Then, I suggest that you get in touch with Lord noble now through his Email ID: ogbefunhearlingtemple@gmail.com call or add him on whatsapp +2348102574680

    • Matthew Vang
      Matthew Vang 3 years ago +1

      Amen James Tony!

    • E.Therese Bradley
      E.Therese Bradley 3 years ago +1

      Boxing Reverend James Toney .. GOD Bless you.Yhey know what there doing.. Diabolcal demom children..

    • louise
      louise 3 years ago

      Yes!!!! Boxing Reverend

  • JemGem
    JemGem 3 years ago

    Spot on, excellent. So pleased that 'emotional abuse' is now a proper topic of discussion. I am a product of it after decades of not realising it was happening to me INTENTIONALLY by the person in my family who still seeks to harm my emotions. It's insidious.

  • JR AM
    JR AM 3 years ago

    One of the best descriptions on emotional abuse on You Tube. I have watched them all. Fabulous job. Women abuse too, and I have endured it for decades.

  • Steel City Style
    Steel City Style Year ago

    This is a fantastic video. This helped me tremendously. Thank you 💗

  • Cory lmao
    Cory lmao 2 years ago

    I keep watching these videos and I'm still not convinced that I'm being emotionally abused. Most of these are about relationships as in partners or lovers as for my case it's more family related.
    I'm probably just being bratty lol.

  • /khyati //
    /khyati // 4 years ago +18

    I love your videos!! Can you make more on depression?

    • Gille87
      Gille87 4 years ago +1

      Rahul Keshari She has already done that. Check her playlist...

  • Sharon C
    Sharon C Year ago +1

    My entire marriage was riddled with emotional abuse. I was never good enough at anything. He tried to make me question my sanity, my intelligence, my emotions, etc. Shocked was the look on his face the day I stood up for myself and told him I refused to apologize any longer for situations I did not create and for those situations out of my control. Thank you for your thoughts and sharing your knowledge in this video.

  • Mighty parakeet
    Mighty parakeet 22 days ago

    This video has strengthened my resolve to take the next big step in leaving my relationship. Thank you!

  • Mary Goodman
    Mary Goodman 4 years ago +7

    we all need to knows these signs are most don't know and are actually being emotionally abused, great message everyone needs to learn and listen,

  • Ursala Outrageous
    Ursala Outrageous 2 years ago +2

    I used to believe that my husband had been a good person when I married him but that I had ruined his character in some way by ‘spoiling’ him. I figured that anyone at all would treat me that way because of who I was. Now I realize that it is not me, but it is who they are.

  • Michelle Begin
    Michelle Begin 2 years ago

    Thank you for this message ~my own son is like this and I never realized it.

  • Melissa Bornbach
    Melissa Bornbach 3 years ago +7

    If gaslighting, lying, blameshifting and running roughshod over boundaries is emotional abuse, then serial cheating would often be emotional abuse. It's often necessary to do those things to keep the primary relationship while repeatedly cheating.

    • Fudge Sickle
      Fudge Sickle 2 years ago +1

      Ditch the cheater, those kind of people just plain suck!

    • Amy E
      Amy E 3 years ago +2

      Cheating is weakness, lust, and abuse]

  • JuliaCelina
    JuliaCelina 2 years ago

    So helpful information !!! THANK YOU 🙏.... You nailed it 1000% ! 🌺

  • Olga Kucharska
    Olga Kucharska 4 years ago +20

    This is exactly what is happening to me.

    • pink Candy
      pink Candy 3 years ago

      Leave fast

    • Blessed Hope
      Blessed Hope 3 years ago +2

      Get out ASAP

    • Dj 912 Sent
      Dj 912 Sent 4 years ago +6

      Olga Kucharska
      You need to set good boundaries and see it for what it is....
      Accept the relationship for what it is...not what you want it to be. Because it keeps you stuck in a toxic situation.
      Educate yourself on Cluster B personalities.
      Wishing you healing!

  • A Mac
    A Mac 3 years ago +1

    Thanks for this. I got a lot of work ahead of me as struggling with this stuff. I want to have a look at that boundaries video...I feel like I am giving out mixed messages and signals.
    Often don't know if I am going about dealing with things the best way.

    NATASHA GODLEY 2 years ago

    I've suffered 9 of 10 from my mother! She loved to mask & pass off her true feelings as a joke. Then when I address it, I being to sensitive and/or you don't know how to take a joke.

  • Kat Gir
    Kat Gir 3 years ago +1

    youre saving my life, thank you. I recognize myself so much! I quit drugs and alcoohol, going on my 3rd year free from alcoohol and recently quit marihuana. I can see clearly now that that kind of rain is gone. Unhealthy relationships with both of my brothers who were severly beaten and abused by my father. Of corse, they took it out on me. In fact, the whole familly is disfonctional. Moms a gambler. So my dad died this year and I promised I would be a good sister to them. Turns out Im not holding my promise and because of youre videos, Im feeling less and less guilt. Its hard to make that decision, but I've overcome so much its not time to quit now. I dont have much friends, but my co-workers apreciate me because I really believe in the Golden Rules, I hate violence and powertrippers. Im a lover not a fighter. Anyways, I am going to watch all your videos because I relate so much in everything you say and I will use youre videos to help others....less energy draining(haha) I just wanted to say thank you because my trust has been broken so much even with previous therapist who thought they knew it all but never got to know my passionate soul.
    You have a way of explaining that really packs a punch. Your affirmations are clear and undeniable, adding your tone of voice at the right moment in the sentence...Like seriously ...your my favorite Counselling experience ive come across. Let me finish by telling you I feel like crying because I know I have a lot of healing to do but thanks to you I will know what to write in my journals now. I wont feel like Im a complete Loser! Thank you very much Madame Kristina, from the bottom of my heart!

  • Charlotte Fernalld
    Charlotte Fernalld 3 years ago +4

    My second ex-husband my ex boyfriend and my mother , emotionally abused me you described all three of them. It's taken me over 5 years to get through it . My second ex-husband did control me . You were right on with all three . I have been in therapy and medication for over 5 years . I also have panic attacks ADHD . I'm on medication for all of it and since July I have been on Adderall and Xanax generic forms. The Adderall helped me to start to know myself . I am actually thinking clearly now . I have learned to love myself and I am proud of myself. Thank you for this video

    • Halle LuJah
      Halle LuJah 2 years ago

      I hope you've healed 💙💜💙

  • Bobby John
    Bobby John Year ago

    Thank you for sharing all that you said in this video. My Girlfriend has all the characteristics of a person who has emotionally abusive. I have decided that I will distance myself with her from this moment on. I am stressed out due to it.

  • Seventh child
    Seventh child 4 years ago +1

    Please continue to give this priceless information to others, so helpful and healing.

  • Bryon Hook
    Bryon Hook 11 months ago +1

    "I wouldn't have done this, if you hadn't done this." For every action there is a reaction. So I believe this is real, however, that doesn't mean the reaction was a positive one. In the end, it comes down to choice. You did this, I did this and it was wrong of me to choose to do this to you.

  • jean ross
    jean ross 3 years ago

    Excellent, sadly too late learning this as my late ex-husband fitted these points exactly, thank goodness I eventually walked away from him. I wish strength and fortitude to anybody who recognises the points early and are able to think of leaving their circumstances.

  • Speaking Cantonese with Miss Winnie

    Thanks for all the information! I hope schools and churches can teach us all these when we were young....

  • amee
    amee 26 days ago

    Happened to me for 3 years, realised it after 5, 2 years of overthinking and feeling small... trying to overcome one day at a time. Done by the person who called me her best friend

  • Tom's Model  Barnyard

    I've been emotionally abused by my dad all of my life and I have finally set some boundaries... My life has been much more peaceful since.....

  • cristina ferreira
    cristina ferreira 3 years ago +2

    I know exactly what this feels like I'm living it.