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Your Reality | Award-winning short film on Gaslighting

  • Published on Jul 19, 2021
    Your Reality is a multi-award winning short psychological thriller that tackles the current topic of Gaslighting, with the goal to raise awareness of this dangerous emotional abuse and help you recognise its signs.
    The film follows a successful young marketing executive, who after moving in with her charming photographer boyfriend is in danger of losing everything, as she becomes increasingly unsure of her ability to trust her own memory.
    Please feel free to connect with me on Instagram, I'm always happy to hear your feedback:
    *Big thank you to Abdul Rahman Hasan Alshimali for the Arabic subtitles!
    *Thank you so much to Carlos Iván Chesñevar for the Spanish subtitles!
    Theme song: echowantshervoiceback.com/
    Director: Top Tarasin ( top_tarasin )
    Writer / Producer / Actress: Tatjana Anders
    Executive Producer: John Clarkson
    DOP: Jacob Schühle Lewis ( jeak )
    Production: Dawn Sky Films ( dawnskyfilms )
    Alicia - Tatjana Anders ( tatjana.and... )
    Mark - Kyle James ( actorkyleja... )
    Sophie - MJ Lee ( mjayleee )
    Check out the full cast and crew on IMDb: www.imdb.com/title/tt10530534/
  • EntertainmentEntertainment

Comments • 11 668

  • Roni
    Roni 5 months ago +3106

    It's really telling that I recognized EVERYTHING he was doing:
    1) Silent Treatment
    2) Pre-planned smear campaign
    3) Projection
    4) Moving too fast
    5) Waiting for a milestone in their relationship(moving in, marriage, pregnancy) to show his true colors.
    6) Ignoring her boundaries
    7) Negging
    8) Devaluing
    9) Gaslighting
    EDIT: take a screenshot of how she looked in the beginning and then at the end. I always tell people in relationships to examine themselves in the mirror: if you look worse than you did before you met them then you’re not being treated properly!
    Edit: Thank you for the likes, I’m sorry that you all going through this and I’m glad you’re recognizing the signs. I’m proud of all of you! 💕💕

    • dragonfly libellule
      dragonfly libellule 3 days ago

      @Allie Walsh devalue

    • Importunate3245
      Importunate3245 8 days ago

      @Jessica it's immature manipulative passive aggressive behavior in people who are narcissists, selfish, lack empathy and are unable to communicate. No partner should ever have to put up with that abuse..ever.....Nice try

    • Impaler
      Impaler 12 days ago

      Its literally not that hard to figure it out lmao

    • adspeed7292005
      adspeed7292005 13 days ago +1

      "if you look worse than you did before you met them then you’re not being treated properly!" -- Absolutely sage advice! After a 5 year emotionally/sexually abusive, gaslighting relationship, I finally had the courage to get out. A short while later, I started casually dating someone else. He took a picture of me while we were at a park. Later I was looking through his camera at all the flowers and trees that he had taken pictures of, and saw the picture of me. I was astonished by my appearance. I looked hollowed out, frightened, exhausted. I was so ashamed that I deleted the picture. Years later, I now have much compassion for that hollowed-out version of myself who had recently escaped from a narcissistic abuser.

  • principessa
    principessa 3 months ago +2031

    The part where her friend says you're the least selfish person I know is so crucial. Because narcissistic people only target at those kind of people. I was one of those people until I got a bad experience with a narcissistc person. Now I have to force myself to be more selfish and show myself respect that I suppresed for sooo long because of this person. Don't let anyone break you. They are the selfish ones, not you.

    • dragonfly libellule
      dragonfly libellule 3 days ago +1

      i noticed that part too.

    • Ashley Fraser
      Ashley Fraser 7 days ago +1

      OMG me too, my ex was controlling me all the time, and coz I was too kind I always did what he asked me to, he would threaten to leave me if I said no

    • Jennica Sherwood
      Jennica Sherwood 9 days ago +1

      Your comment helped me today. Thank you. 🥇

    • Tanee Lanz
      Tanee Lanz 9 days ago

      I just posted a comment but seeing ur comment I thought I’d ask you personally for help. I feel so depressed with my situation. I can’t stop crying 😢

    • Em Q
      Em Q 11 days ago

      I really needed this. thankyou

  • S.L Younger
    S.L Younger 4 months ago +1250

    It took me years all through my 20s to realise I was being highly manipulated like this. Right down to suggesting I needed therapy. As soon as I got out of the relationship and started dating again I was seeing a guy and it all seemed sweet. Until he pulled out the silent treatment after making me feel bad for putting “pressure” on him for not communicating (he didn't text or call for four days - I texted once) As soon as he started ignoring me and I could see it happening again I ended it right there, and held strong as he stressed I was overreacting and went right to the cliche of me being emotional. They are all the same with all the same routines.

    • Purva Tiwari
      Purva Tiwari Day ago

      @Rian Lynn It took me alot of time to connect the dots. And now I know the smear campaign was ON since long. I am so scared at the thought that he could act so brilliantly. It scares my soul. I can see now that he is capable of murdering someone and blame me for it. I am so scared what if he does more damage to my name. Please pray for me. May I be safe and protected always. 🔱🙏

    • Rian Lynn
      Rian Lynn 4 days ago +1

      @Purva Tiwari i feel for you, 10 years is rough as hell. no matter where his life went, I am glad you got out. It doesnt matter who he got his supply from next, he will end up treating them all the same, and being as shes ivy league maybe shed be the one to put him in his place. its insane what people can do to each other, and its even more insane that no one else sees it. like its easier to believe someone is lying about someone that to believe that the person in question is actually garbage. its absurd and ridiculous.

    • Purva Tiwari
      Purva Tiwari 5 days ago +2

      I was with a covert. Just did a research on covert narc today. It blew my mind. He used to be so loving. He would cry with me. Lied all the time. Physically abused me but wanted me to abuse him back at that moment. I was gaslighted right left and centre. Emotionally physically mentally and yes sexually as well which I understand now. He was a devil but he doesn't look one and so hard to detect. It literally took me 10 years to realise his reality. Even today I am learning things. He now has a new supply whom he will use to build his startup. For a man who is brilliant manipulator, he sure got a catch of an Ivy league woman. Irony is he was bad in studies. He mirrors every person in his life and uses tactics of Shahrukh Khan to act romantic to a girl. I just want to see him in a situation where he has no user manual to proceed with. That's when the mask will come off.

    • Rian Lynn
      Rian Lynn 8 days ago

      I feel you here. I was married to ne before, and when the seeking therapy stopped having an effect he would threaten to lock me up for being insane. In california you can put someone against their will for 48 hours at the time. and I was so convinced once I went in wouldn't come out. So he'd continue it further that he'd be paying for my ungrateful a*s to live when he got nothing out of it. he threatened to divorce me if I didnt bear his child and I didnt. those words and my refusal where like a saving grace. I got broken bones after, his family sided with him, my family is non existent, and since we where liviing in the car at the time I sold what I could secretly from storage under the guise of a friend borrowing it and hed be such a nice guy for letting her and I took off. Granted I payed for everything sold, but hey, try telling that to one of them. Point being, it never gets better. only orse. and I pray anyone that sees these signs cuts all emotion attachment off immediately. its hard, but it can save you. heart ache, physical abuse, even your life.

    • AmberJoynae💗💗
      AmberJoynae💗💗 9 days ago

      Yesss constant mind games

  • Ldyminerva
    Ldyminerva 4 months ago +1192

    I’d love to see one about parental gaslighting….cuz that’s a whole different kind of physiological power.

    • mamaboo cee
      mamaboo cee 7 days ago

      @Paula Andrea wow you just described my life. At 18 i ran.

    • mamaboo cee
      mamaboo cee 13 days ago

      You said that right!

    • Ldyminerva
      Ldyminerva 15 days ago +3

      @Diana H I was in my 30s when I realized that my dad was a narcissist and my whole childhood was pretty much a lie. I’ve been no contact since than. It’s been 8 years, the damage is done, therapy has helped but….

    • Melis Bas
      Melis Bas 15 days ago +1


  • Michelle
    Michelle Month ago +205

    This brings back terrible memories. Being accused of flirting when I wasn’t. Then watching him flirt and then cheat on me so I would “know how it feels.” Worst relationship EVER. I was constantly apologizing, second guessing myself and wondering why this relationship left me feeling so empty, hurt and crazy. Thank God (I literally do) that we didn’t get married or have kids and that I had the confidence and support from good friends to get out. After I broke things off he tried to stab me. Be careful!! See the red flags! Get support and get out safely! ASAP.

    • Firat BARAN
      Firat BARAN 13 hours ago

      I went almost through the se thing. She didn't stab me but she punched me. You had luck to still have friends to support you, I almost had none left when the relationship ended. I had to see a psychiatrist and take pills during the fist month of break. And I could start to understand what I went through only after 2 months and I started healing. Now it's been 9 months and I still have to deal with the anger I have against her. But I went no contact during the whole break-up so hopefully in a year or so I will be completely recovered. Now I think of her as the master of things I should avoid during my life :-)

    • Paranoia Queen
      Paranoia Queen 11 days ago +1

      I can relate .. sorry for what you've been through

    • Bon Bon
      Bon Bon 14 days ago +2

      Sorry, he did that to you.

  • Love Never Fails
    Love Never Fails 3 months ago +395

    This applies to ‘friendship’ as well - look out for how you feel, after you’ve spent time with anyone. It’s Not only romantic relationships that are abusive. Ppp can come into your life and suddenly become your next new bff, and your new So called Friend makes you feel like crap 💩 and you feel like you’ve been robbed every time they go away. They take a little piece of you. And give nothing in return. You cry a lot or feel like crying a lot. Please avoid

    • IBlueberry424
      IBlueberry424 Day ago

      Yes! And when you don't spend time with them, you feel a breath of fresh air!!

    • Lysa Fisk
      Lysa Fisk 2 days ago

      Yes, it can be a friend, a boss or coworker, a family member... Narcissist gonna narcissist.

    • Sandra Garcia
      Sandra Garcia 4 days ago +1

      Yeah everytime I was away from them I would reflect and I would always feel resentful. Until I realized that they were passive aggressive at times which is why I would feel that way. I was thinking well this is a toxic friendship indirectly but I cut them lose after enduring for a few years.

    • Liberty Jo 🎀
      Liberty Jo 🎀 11 days ago +1

      I made mistake of being BFFS with a gf for 20yrs from HS. A taker. All about her. One way relationship. Well 2 ways... in that I was there for her and she was there for her. Lol.
      Notice all the signs. Listen too your gut. I never did until I finally did. I realized I was hanging around with somebody who was ALWAYS MISERABLE...and she left me feeling drained. The toll on me was deep.

    • C Sloane
      C Sloane 17 days ago +3

      Yes! Thank you for mentioning friendship, and saying this:
      "Look out for how you feel, after you’ve spent time with anyone."
      That's been my main experience. More often than not, it's been friends who've really made me feel like crap. I'd look forward to getting together and by the end of a visit or right after we'd part ways, I'd feel awful. Just so depressed. Some people make it their mission to suck the joy out of and undermine the self-worth of others. Particularly others who are unsuspecting and quick to believe THEY did something wrong /to deserve the treatment. It took me years and years to realize what was going on with 2 so-called friends, in particular. I realized I was blind to the obvious because the way they treated me and talked to me was almost exactly like my mother always did. Anyway, you live and you learn, but I still needed this simple reminder to ask self: How do you feel after spending time with them (whomever). Thanks again :)

  • Yin Toons
    Yin Toons 2 months ago +296

    7:24 the detail of her moving the glass tells a lot.
    He probably argues with her over the smallest things,so she unconsciously tries to keep things in order.
    She's always walking on eggshells with him.
    Very realistic behaviour.

    • C N C Club house
      C N C Club house 9 days ago +3

      I can relate to this. Always on eggshells 😒😪

    • Yummy Recipes
      Yummy Recipes 11 days ago +5

      Same. I have to be careful all the time because he argues with me over the smallest things.

    • ꧁ K☾ MoonLove ꧂
      ꧁ K☾ MoonLove ꧂ 18 days ago +5

      That was the most triggering part for me. I do it all the time 😞 it's like I developed ocd among other things..

    • MyName IsNotHere
      MyName IsNotHere 19 days ago +8

      Nice catch. I didn't notice that.

  • E
    E 4 months ago +450

    This gives me chills because I went through this for a year. I had no idea who I was, I quit my job, I lost friends I was so messed up and am still working through it 5 years later! Stay safe and happy everyone ❤️

    • earthmomma loonytoon
      earthmomma loonytoon 16 days ago +2

      I went thru thos 6 yrs, still recovering. I haven't got onto another relationship yet 3 yrs later as I am questioning my own judgement and how he made me feel has left me still believing I'm not good enough and that I have too problems, I didn't until I met him. It was horrendous time of my life. They are dangerous people.

    • Lexi Lexx
      Lexi Lexx 20 days ago +4

      Same but 16 years 😔 a year out. It's so damaging. I'm a shell of myself. Lost my youth

    • pipa
      pipa 2 months ago +3

      I went through this for 25 years

    • Ashley Cikũ
      Ashley Cikũ 2 months ago +7

      It's been almost 7 years for me. I don't like who I became during those 2 years. I'm still trying to heal ♥️ Stay strong

    • Ghost
      Ghost 3 months ago +7

      Been over 3yrs and I am still trapped here. Think about hurting myself daily now which is frightening. Good you got out sooner than later- it only gets worse

  • Kim Lester
    Kim Lester 10 days ago +18

    What no one talks about is how difficult it is to recover from it after you escape. How difficult it is to be a member of society.

  • Shailen Naidoo
    Shailen Naidoo 7 months ago +15639

    The sad thing about dealing with a Narcissist is that they end up convincing others that you are the Narcissist instead of them 😪

    • TTT cloud
      TTT cloud 4 days ago

      @simon acland glad to hear it 😊

    • simon acland
      simon acland 4 days ago

      @TTT cloud I practice my assertiveness very well and thank you :)

    • TTT cloud
      TTT cloud 4 days ago +1

      @simon acland pray you never get involved with one… honestly!

    • simon acland
      simon acland 4 days ago

      I've been seeing this word around a lot lately and I'm about to look up the definition.. but he seemed more like a crazy co dependant and defensive.

    • TTT cloud
      TTT cloud 6 days ago

      Thank you…your comment is absolutely spot on it’s so desperately sad but totally true 😔

  • Amber-Leigh Fletcher
    Amber-Leigh Fletcher 3 months ago +234

    I watched this and I couldn't breathe. The first few minutes are EXACTLY what it feels like. When you start getting confused and can't break that "fog". I immediately started seeing the subtle red flags throughout this video... The same ones I wish I had seen for myself. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. For anyone who believes that they're being gaslit in the beginning of a relationship, watch this and if you're still not sure, run anyway! It does NOT get better.

    • Amber Martin
      Amber Martin 21 day ago +1

      The hardest part is noticing it as gaslighting and not something with a plausible reason.

    • Kodesuper
      Kodesuper Month ago

      Yea kinda same too here

  • Geogrina Puttatelli
    Geogrina Puttatelli 4 months ago +9

    And this is how the abuser works- nice, charming, then they take away your power…. Move in with them, they start insulting you, you’re trapped. NEVER give up your independence or self power. Being alone is far more peaceful! Never again for me.

  • nesekaba
    nesekaba 18 days ago +56

    We were together for a year and a half. I was confused. I was going to doctors for memory issues. He dumped me and it was so strange because I was devastated, but my body and brain felt so much immediate physical relief. It's been 4yrs and I'm still actively working to reverse the brainwashing.

    • Beth Gonzalez
      Beth Gonzalez 3 days ago

      I can relate. Married to one for 6 years, finally out for 4 years now and still struggling to get myself back. My thoughts and prayers for continued healing!!

    • Kay I
      Kay I 12 days ago +1

      Wow! I'm glad u are getting better

  • TheShani4595
    TheShani4595 3 months ago +319

    The eery gut feeling when they "reach out" to your trusted person in an effort to "help". Probably the loneliest feeling ever that you can't truly open up that something has been off.

    • Rach’s World ⭐️
      Rach’s World ⭐️ 10 days ago +1

      Yes!!!! I did it once and that person totally made my issue feel non existent that i was overthinking. Soon i started to realise that it had been like that for a long time. I had asked for help for my mental health but he really was ignoring that and here i was thinking he doesn’t understand. The problem was he Understood just didn’t want to acknowledge that I was sad, as long as you’re quirky and happy, people want to be near you, but as soon as you hit low point, people want you to not kill their mood by talking about it 🙂

    • Lesley Scott
      Lesley Scott 15 days ago +2

      Yup mother did this to me and insisted I change doctors who was slowly dropping hints that my terrible anxiety was being caused by the very person I spoke highly off!

    • Blair Brandt
      Blair Brandt 28 days ago +3

      I have been through this countless times in childhood.

    • eluciddreamer
      eluciddreamer Month ago +7

      I wish this was highlighted more in other videos or descriptions because this is EXACTLY the M.O. to get their victim isolated

    • Lynn Coya
      Lynn Coya Month ago +1


  • Alfiya Mityukova
    Alfiya Mityukova 6 months ago +12165

    I love how in the beginning of the film, author included how her own mother calls her selfish. It all starts in the childhood with narcissistic parents

    • Dr. Phil
      Dr. Phil 11 days ago

      @Thinking Loud I can get behind that. Thank you. Got a more specific question for you. The active narc in my life is the mother of my 2 daughters (8 and 10). I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs in time to save them from this. And I take full responsibility, it’s not their fault. With that said, I am actively running interference between them and her, trying to at least give them a fighting chance. What specific actions and guidance etc would you suggest I do during this critical time of their lives? She constantly shows them her love is conditional and it breaks my heart.

    • Thinking Loud
      Thinking Loud 12 days ago +1

      @Dr. Phil Really good question, and there are answers to this. After 1000's of hours of research and self-introspection, I've come to essentially understand that it's the entrainment, conditioning, grooming, trauma-bonding and changes to your nervous system (brought on and exacerbated by the abuser and their tactics) over time that somehow *magnetizes* you to other narcissists. Almost like you're "marked," or something.
      If the narc is your mother, FROM BIRTH, your brain and nervous system are consciously and subconsciously trained, conditioned, and encouraged to seek out and accept other narcs into your life, because if your mother is one, she isn't going to be teaching you how to watch out for her own kind, because she wants to keep you entrapped, feeling small, guilty, shameful and dependent on her. You are trained to accept abuse, because it's familiar. Your nervous system is trained to accept abuse. It's fucked up.
      There's so much more to this. I didn't explain it the best, but I hope I provided some insight from my research and personal experience. Maybe it'll give you another jump-off point.
      Lastly, one can change and heal their nervous system from this. Takes a lot of concerted effort and work, but it's totally possible.

    • Dulce Quintanar
      Dulce Quintanar 12 days ago


    • Kay I
      Kay I 12 days ago

      @Thinking Loud damn

    • Timothy4Yhwh
      Timothy4Yhwh 14 days ago

      @DeVonna McNees Yes I immediately caught that because my stepmom is a narcissist.

  • Ashtyn Pendley
    Ashtyn Pendley 16 days ago +12

    I went through every single bit of this . From the drinking to the being confused. He hid my keys for a week and watched me look for them . My reality was constantly changing . He beat me regularly and while he was drinking he would call me a drunk . Anybody would drink to deal with this nonsense . Get up baby girl and get OUT

  • Christina Correll
    Christina Correll Month ago +88

    This was a really well made video, relationships like these can really deteriorate a person's self worth and destroy their confidence.
    We need more content like this to help validate victims and spread awareness.

  • Jenny Dickerson
    Jenny Dickerson 4 months ago +123

    His mistreatment of her disguised as concern is so accurate. My mom did this

  • Michelle Ramos
    Michelle Ramos 20 days ago +66

    When he turned her own best friend against her. That was the part that did it for me.

  • Jdogg Tbone
    Jdogg Tbone 6 months ago +1526

    I would LOVE to see a short film about how narcissistic abuse can cause the victim to become more angry, hostile, irritated and lash out at times. It would be even more accurate to show this bc not all victims become quiet and numb. Some victims (personal experience here) will flip bw the depressed, numb and silent victim to a victim full of anger whonlashes out and yells and acts crazy bc of the abuse. Show how the narc uses this to "flip the narrative" and confuse the victim even more and guilt trip the victim. Just a thought. Otherwise, great short

    • Black Badger
      Black Badger 11 days ago

      I’m with you on that!!

    • That Futures Life
      That Futures Life 26 days ago


    • Michael Poulos
      Michael Poulos Month ago

      That’s happened to me now I’m the one who’s abusive

    • wendy kroos
      wendy kroos 2 months ago

      I can totally rely on this one!!!
      very good and accurate comment!!!

    • Ghost
      Ghost 2 months ago +1

      @SUPERSTAR -SS ❤️ hope can get away from this sooner than later because I truly don't think I can handle much more
      Even my bottom lip is shaking from the anxiety and this is ON medication for it.

  • YolandaGirl
    YolandaGirl 4 months ago +224

    The most chilling part was her friend telling her she spoke to her bf.
    Also, I'm pretty sure he hid her phone.

    • Kristina Goodison
      Kristina Goodison 5 days ago

      @Rhett Baldwin Sources or where I can go to find them?
      My ex husband choked me twice over within the span of two weeks. It honestly took this physical abuse to start thinking that maybe something was wrong, when he'd been emotionally abusive since almost the start of our relationship 9 years prior!
      So if these stats are true, I'm thinking I dodged a bullet! Sadly, he still wants to see his child, so I'm forced to keep contact with him....

    • rogue culinarian
      rogue culinarian 6 days ago

      @luna luna my father did this exact same thing to me. Had my student metrocard in his pocket the entire time. I looked for it for hours.

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 11 days ago +3

      @chosen by Yah Victims who have been choked once are 750 percent more likely to be killed by their abusers, choking is considered a strong predictor of homicide.

    • chosen by Yah
      chosen by Yah 18 days ago +3

      My husband. I am a good person but I find it disturbing to watch this.. Was beaten and choked too many times and no one cared.. They just saw an angry sex depraved wife

    • fake
      fake Month ago +2

      @luna luna oh my gosh that's so sad! I didn't realize how this was another way narcissistic mom's would find to make themselves feel better while screwing our mind

  • cinmingrl
    cinmingrl 2 months ago +105

    I've lived the scene after the party. When he said Unbelievable my heart stopped. This is so accurate. I just "woke up" from 20 years of this. Everyone, watch for these signs. They skipped the in-between months where everything is pretty normal, similar to the first date. just little things you can easily shake off. When you can see it for what it is it looks ridiculous, but they trick those who don't and slowly and methodically crush your soul to feed their egos. But see how she asked him to tell her the truth? Know your truth. If you've never been allowed, learn. And hold it. It's self-defence.

    • 80islandia
      80islandia 2 months ago +5

      “If you’ve never been allowed, learn.” This is key. Thank you for your comment.

  • Crumpet Claire
    Crumpet Claire 3 months ago +85

    This is sadly spot on. I've lived through this. So pleased you're getting recognition - you deserve awards. This is validating millions of invisible stories. A very important piece of work. Thank you.

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  3 months ago +3

      Thank you so much for your kind words! Sorry to hear you had to live through something similar. Hope you're ok!

  • Fatima Fatima
    Fatima Fatima 4 months ago +379

    I am recognizing a lot of myself in the male character unfortunately, thats painful to watch but needed to improve myself to treat others with respect, dignity and love and letting go of bad behaviour.

    • Cherry Pie 🍒
      Cherry Pie 🍒 14 days ago +2

      Same . I realise I am also like the guy. I want to fix myself.

    • ur mom angelina
      ur mom angelina 20 days ago +1

      at least you’re able to admit it, i’m proud of you. it takes strength to be able to do that.

    • Elisabeth Miller
      Elisabeth Miller 21 day ago +2

      Jesus christ can give you a New heart and make you a New creature

    • Анна Ергина
      Анна Ергина Month ago +1

      @Victoria Firewind thank you.

    • Connie Smith
      Connie Smith Month ago +1

      @Victoria Firewind thank you. I've beat myself up a lot during and after this relationship. It's nice to hear people openly speaking about these things

  • Mellissa Conway
    Mellissa Conway 5 months ago +1358

    He’s draining her energy and sucking the life out of her. I love how Mark calls people as if he’s concerned..see how he does that? Makes himself look like a great guy to everyone in society. Meanwhile, her life begins to fall apart, but not by her own..he’s put out an energy that has completely robbed her of her potential. She starts failing at work and starts drinking more. This is a psychologically dark place.

    • dk
      dk 4 days ago

      @Anthony Perryman doubtful

    • Anthony Perryman
      Anthony Perryman 13 days ago

      Like what happened to Johnny Depp.

    • nauone
      nauone 14 days ago

      It still gives me the chills that my ex was so excited to get my family's phone numbers. They didn't give them to him, but now looking back...phew

    • lynn wright
      lynn wright Month ago +1

      First warning signs talking themselves up. Like her being late made himself look good for being on time. Pointed out now his food may not taste good because of her. Run!! Always making you feel like you can't do anything better than them move on quickly.

    • Heidi
      Heidi 2 months ago

      @Janet Herman Sorry to hear this, same here! I had no idea NPD existed then. At least we know what they are and hopefully don't get dragged into another narc web. I'm left with scars for life with my experience and feel sick to my stomach when I see people with some of the narcs traits, this is a repulsive survival attribute I was left with I think and I really listen to my gut feeling now.

  • Saylor Mclain
    Saylor Mclain 2 months ago +63

    That ending was chilling... I went through a relationship similar before. Being told I was stupid, or being told that I looked like a slut in a dress with a short slit in the skirt (it went right to my knee, not any higher). I was apparently a terrible girlfriend because I didn't know what I did wrong or how to fix it. Luckily I we came to a mutual agreement that it wasn't working out. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship now, engaged and ready to marry in about five months!

    • Saylor Mclain
      Saylor Mclain 2 hours ago

      @Slopra Glopra thank you

    • Slopra Glopra
      Slopra Glopra 2 hours ago +1

      @Saylor Mclain I suspected that that was what you were doing by describing the skirt, but I wanted to reach out to you and offer a little reminder just in case I was mistaken. Be well!

    • Saylor Mclain
      Saylor Mclain 3 hours ago

      @Slopra Glopra I know I'm able to wear what I please. I was just explaining one of the situations that I was in with this ex to show how ridiculous it was.

    • Slopra Glopra
      Slopra Glopra 3 hours ago

      You included a description of the skirt in question. Why did you do that? It seems as if you are still feeling compelled to defend and validate your actions and judgment. The truth is that you are more than able to wear whatever you like. Not only that, but you are in no way obligated to explain or apologize for anything that you wear. Even if you do wear a racy or revealing item of clothing! ESPECIALLY if you wear something sexy! You are a competent and independent adult. Wear what pleases you and don’t think twice about it.

    • Saylor Mclain
      Saylor Mclain 16 days ago +1

      @C D yup, it was confusing for me too. I thought I could help make everything better by staying, but clearly not. I hope you're doing well!

  • Nada Basic
    Nada Basic 4 months ago +29

    I want to add that this is not something that only happens in relationships. It can also, for example, happen at the workplace. It’s even easier to start feeling like you’re not good enough when it comes from someone who is officially above you (a boss).

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  4 months ago +3

      Totally! Happens at work, with families, friends, even media to a degree 🙈

  • Virginia Walker
    Virginia Walker 3 months ago +65

    I've realized as a adult child of a narcissistic parent and sister and ex spouses and as of lately ex boyfriend I still have quite a bit of healing to do from the narcissistic trauma I've suffered....I realize I've got the trauma bond, ptsd and other things that ho along with that abuse...I feel like I'm seeing it clearer than I ever have before.

    • Lady Yudy
      Lady Yudy 14 days ago

      You, like most of us would benefit greatly from some Therapy.

  • Nicole Hanson
    Nicole Hanson 10 days ago +5

    It took this video for me to realize that I'm being manipulated just like this. I always felt bad around him and like I have to please him, but I can't even begin to imagine how to break the cycle.

    • j a s
      j a s 9 hours ago

      please, leave while you still can! the good thing is that you’re now aware of it :) so the next step is to leave, and let them take time to realize their actions. and that’s by doing it in silence, as a person like this can’t stand to be ignored - not contacting them once you’re gone. I wish you the best and just realize how much you’re worth ❤️

  • KALEIDO jess
    KALEIDO jess 7 months ago +11527

    Red flag number one is the confusion. A good relationship doesn't include confusion. Someone who cares about you won't ever play games with your head and heart like that.

    • Aries Fire
      Aries Fire 6 days ago

      And they won’t even bring confusion to the relationship or manipulation

    • Divorce Blackhawk
      Divorce Blackhawk 11 days ago +1

      @Kerrin Lebrasseur leave! You won’t believe how much better you will feel when he’s out of your system!

    • Kim
      Kim 14 days ago +1

      This! ❤

    • Oh Keh
      Oh Keh 16 days ago


    • Isabella De Beer
      Isabella De Beer Month ago

      @Kerrin Lebrasseur it comes from within, find friends and family and talk to them about this. It makes the world of a difference to have someone there, especially when you don't know how to deal with it alone.

  • Bambi
    Bambi 9 days ago +2

    Thank you for this film! Everyone needs to know how it starts, progresses and how ends up. Horrible experience from my life. Thank you again!❤️

  • Corinna Liebergesell
    Corinna Liebergesell 16 days ago +8

    I've been through things like that and instantly recognized the red flags.
    Paying your coffee - fine. But if the person asks for date or your number (instead of giving bank account or just paying coffee for the good), yikes.
    First red flag(s): telling her, she is late because date time was earlier (than she remember or noticed). telling her, that dinner is cold now because he was in time and she is late.
    You damaged my watch and didn't tell me (and she doesn't remember) - red flag.
    Making a big deal about her visiting a friend on moving day - man, you can take her out later, her friend is just in town and gone the next day. Red flag!
    You have a problem (with alcohol) - kind of red flag.
    I don't care that you're sad and tired, you come with me to the Party (because it's important for ME and MY job) - man, you can go on your own. Red flag.
    You don't have to work and get much money, I will have the great deals! (to a woman who is clearly a business woman) - red flag.
    Don't drink (too much)! - Not a red flag itself, but *sigh
    Telling her, that she misbehaved on the party, but she doesn't remember that - red flag.
    (in many scenes you can see that she is clearly confused, eg. the hard drive she is missing)
    Telling her he is at home at the evening, but is not there - not nice. Going out with friends without telling her - not nice. Not answering her messages - not nice. All together - he is an a**hole!

  • MissMcFluffyStuff
    MissMcFluffyStuff 4 months ago +42

    My mother is a total narcissist. Never apologized, and even called me selfish for going to the gym to take care of self and said I'm a bad mom for not being with my kids. She promised to pick up my daughter from school and then said she never said that and left my daughter there at night after practice just so I could leave a meeting with my father whom she was still bitter towards. It definitely starts with the parents.

    • Becca Reynolds
      Becca Reynolds Month ago +3

      Can’t trust them.. ever

    • Hawkes08
      Hawkes08 4 months ago +3

      So sick. My narc mom did this to me too. Would tell me I was "selfish" for wanting to go to therapy. Anything that would of helped me was "selfish" so she could keep me down and under control. I hope you are doing better and healing from that.

  • Shannon Pittman
    Shannon Pittman Month ago +2

    Exactly what I went through with my disgusting pig of a father. Sick, manipulative people. If anyone refuses to respect your time, autonomy, memory, or feelings run far and run fast!

  • Amanda
    Amanda 7 months ago +7684

    Definitely a red flag when they constantly make you believe your memory isn’t good. They want to make you feel like you’re crazy.

    • Slopra Glopra
      Slopra Glopra 2 hours ago

      @David Tabaka You inserted yourself in an open and honest dialogue to relentlessly bash women and advocate for men who are mistreated….why? There was zero mention of sex or gender prior to your (rambling and confusing) contributions. The earnest zeal you displayed in your lengthy comments is highly concerning; you remind me of things posted by incels who went on to commit murder via a mass shooting. What is going on? Anything troubling you?

    • Slopra Glopra
      Slopra Glopra 3 hours ago

      @wine mom I am not going to pull the punches here: divorce and/or leave this individual as soon as you are able. That is not love. They do not and never did love YOU.

    • Courtney Banks
      Courtney Banks Month ago

      But why do they want to do that to a person. It's evil. It should be punishable by law.

    • Victoria Firewind
      Victoria Firewind Month ago

      @Quenton Stroud Celebrity Psychic gaslighting is about avoiding accountability. Living with black outs and hallucinations like I have means that I have to act with the highest moral standards in every moment. I have incredibly good habits regarding integrity and honesty. I speak very deliberately, and never say anything I don't mean. When you can't remember what you've said in the past, you have to mean everything you say and be willing to take responsibility for things, even if you don't remember them happening.
      I often will say things like "I don't remember that, I don't recall saying it that way, so I probably didn't mean for it to sound such that this is what you took away from it" but unless they have the exact phrasing, thar is almost never a constructive discussion. Usually I'll just apologize anyway.
      Actually, my husband has historically had issues with lying about destructive habits, like drinking. He is doing a lot of work, but my memory issues typically result in him gaslighting me. He will use the fact that I don't remember things and have hallucinations to justify having lied to me.
      I basically have no idea what is real ever, in any moment. I went from abusive partner to abusive partner my whole life. My current partner is only abusive when it comes to drug use, which he uses to cope with childhood trauma. He is getting a lot better. It's a process.
      Anyway, my memory issues usually result in me being a victim, not the other way around. The key is not which partner remembers better, it's which one is more prepared to be accountable and which has better habits and integrity. Hope that answers your question

  • blondeonabke 2
    blondeonabke 2 4 months ago +52

    I was in a relationship like that. I didnt realize how messed up it was until I met my fiance. We've been together 8 years and now I know I wasn't crazy! My ex was definately a narcissist. The party scene got me. I worked 14 hours and my ex wanted me to go out to a party. I said I was tired but he could go and I could pick him up if he was too drunk to drive. He said "well dont get pissed if you hear I was with some girls." He knew how much I loved him and used it to control me. So cruel

    • Juliet Lia
      Juliet Lia 11 days ago

      OmG...we had same stories

    • Lady Yudy
      Lady Yudy 14 days ago +3

      He said that to you? That was a Red flags of callousness! May God help us see these signs and leave early 🙏

    • Ayumi Sae
      Ayumi Sae Month ago +1

      Sounds awful, I would have packed my bags after a comment like that. Thank you for sharing ❤️

  • Jenny Leister
    Jenny Leister 3 months ago +32

    I escaped this exact situation 2 years ago. I’m still learning what reality is, how to trust, how to love, what love really is, who I really am. I still second guess what I did in the past, I still find myself trapped in the cycle that the gaslighting caused.

  • Ngeti Binda
    Ngeti Binda 4 months ago +30

    I had a boyfriend who would do this. All of it. The silent treatment. Making me think I'm forgetful. It was a horrible experience. Been 2 tears since we separated and I still don't have my confidence back. It's hard to keep a relationship because I assume the new person feels exactly how my ex felt about me. It's just horrible and I don't wish it on anyone. As soon as you see the signs portrayed in this film in your relationship,just leave. It's not worth it.

  • Star Mysticca Tarot
    Star Mysticca Tarot 3 months ago +19

    I will watch this any time I need to remember how damn strong I am to have survived this for 7 years. I will be healing from this for the rest of my life, but at the very least, I am doing so much better. Thank you to everyone involved in this film for spreading awareness about it.

  • Thu Tran
    Thu Tran 7 months ago +2516

    So that's how a vibrant young, thriving woman becomes this docile, numb victim! No one really knows what happens behind closed door. We only see the end result. We don't see the process. Everyone thinks the guy is the nice one when in fact, he's the abuser. I can definitely relate!

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 11 days ago

      @Renee pash Really? What did she do that was narcissistic?

    • HotAndSour Soup
      HotAndSour Soup Month ago

      Also, look at the people who are smiling, always helping out, give the excuse that they are just tired. We are just trying to make it another minute, hour, day; we cry in our cars, the showers, empty parking lots. We hold on long enough praying for strength to keep going on until we can leave.

    • Shade
      Shade 4 months ago +1

      Why do you assume a woman is always the victim in this situation

    • Jones
      Jones 5 months ago +3

      Actually, it's the opposite. Everyone assume guys are the abuser.

    • Raka & Jordy's Page
      Raka & Jordy's Page 6 months ago +1

      That's my life. This is heartbreaking for me to face.

  • Grace King
    Grace King 3 days ago +2

    My mom does this and my ex. It started with her and then moved into my relationship. Keep your eyes open for anyone around you….this doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships. Get out or cut down communication with them! They are poisonous to your energy and you are stronger than you think

  • Niina Biina
    Niina Biina 15 days ago +2

    When you've been in narc relationship after narc relationship and while watching this you start to see yourself as the victim and then as the narc because they start making you think you're crazy. You then start lashing back at them and they make you feel even more crazy because you "lack self-control". Then you tell them how much this isn't fair to you because you're a kind person and don't deserve the treatment and they tell you how "everything has to be about you" and that "maybe you should see a doctor because you think the world revolves around you". Ughhh soooooooo confusing........

  • studying everyday
    studying everyday 2 months ago +27

    I have never been into a relationship due to constant fear of being judged or left alone , i am 18 yr old and this story literally serves as an eye opener for me that sometimes there's nothing wrong with you but with the people you're with.

    • Lolly O
      Lolly O 3 days ago

      Read up on borderline personality disorder.

  • Leporello the Goldfinch – Birdtaming Tips & Tricks

    My last boyfriend was a diagnosed narcissist and our relationship was an absolute nightmare. I'm barely seven minutes in and I already find it so hard to watch. So many red flags! So many cracks! From the outside it's so easy to see that something is wrong, even before things go REALLY REALLY wrong. People, trust your gut instincts - and if you see the same thing happening to your friends, warn them and protect them!

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  Month ago

      So sorry to hear about your ex - you’re absolutely right, it’s much easier to see it all unfold as an outsider… but when you’re in it… so hard!

  • Melissa W.
    Melissa W. 3 months ago +23

    I was in a relationship so similar it was hard to watch. I never knew what gaslighting was back then. I always blamed myself for "the way I acted". If I ran into someone of the opposite sex while we were out, "I might as well have had sex with them right there." When I found out he was cheating on me "it was all a part of a delusion I made up in my head". Until one day I really opened my eyes and looked at myself in the mirror for like 15 minutes. I was miserable and every part of me was broken into a million pieces...not physically but emotionally. I got away from him after 1 year. It was hard to build myself back up but I promised myself I would never let anyone ignore my boundaries and my worth. Now I'm happy and he's still miserable trying to reach out to my friends to get in touch with me after 10 years.

    • GradKat
      GradKat 3 months ago +1

      Well done Melissa!

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  3 months ago +4

      Wow, thanks for sharing Melissa! Your story is horrifying but also equally empowering! Well done for getting out of it and regaining your self-worth! 🙌

  • loovider
    loovider 5 days ago +1

    I watched the end twice because I saw myself in it. I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and my only luck was that his dog (XXL bullterier) defended me from his punch. He wanted to hit me because I left my shoes on the "wrong" place. I didn't feel the reality for so long and I didn't realized that this relationship was wrong in many ways. I always found excuses for his behaviour. "He must be stressed because of moving. He must be stressed because of his new workplace." Etc, etc... One day he wanted to go to the mall with me but he didn't have time to wait for me to get ready so he left me home. When he arrived back he was so upset and called me on names like useless, unviable, ugly etc, etc. and then he asked me: "Why are you here?!" My answer was that: "I don't know and if you don't know too I shouldn't be there." after that I started to pack my stuffs and moved back to my parents. At first he was just mad and yelled me: "Just go! I don't need you! You won't find better and you will beg for me to be with you!" but when I went to the third lap for my properties he cried and wanted me to move back. He tought this scene was a bad joke but finally I stood up for myself and I didn't let him bullying me anymore. For a short time he lurked on me and texted me weird things like: "Are you awake? I see the lights are on in your room." "Everything has happened is your fault you will regret it." I'm glad it's over. It was scary and I learned a lot from this. Now I can see the red flags and I won't let anyone to do this to me in the future.

  • Helen3691
    Helen3691 18 days ago +18

    Thanks for producing this film. I still struggle with blaming myself for being blind to my ex’s narcissism and forgetting that he chose me because I am an empath.

    • Firat BARAN
      Firat BARAN 12 hours ago

      Tell yourself that you've blamed yourself enough. Remember you're not the only person who went through this. I went through it, I blamed myself until this day and you don't know me. Let's have compassion for each other and say let's go forward, there is no one to blame anymore. The narc should be from now on the master of the things we should avoid in life and we should have love and compassion for ourselves and try to live a better life inside us.

    • anija hall
      anija hall 9 days ago

      @blondeonabke 2 wow same💯

    • blondeonabke 2
      blondeonabke 2 11 days ago +1

      Its strange how I could see how he used and manipulated other people...But never thought he was doing the same to me. I thought I was in a different category.."special" and he loved me. It really did take years to see the truth.

  • Asiful Alam
    Asiful Alam 2 months ago +8

    Your short film was absolutely amazing! It is a reality that so many have gone through and are still facing today. This has done a great job in raising awareness. Lots of love from Bangladesh.

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  2 months ago +1

      Thank you so much for your kind words Asiful!

  • Aaron Hockett
    Aaron Hockett 5 months ago +2531

    So, this was probably the most uncomfortable thing I’ve watched this year. Why? Because it is probably happening to thousands, if not millions of people everyday. Very well done and hopefully this raises awareness.

    • Candace Seitz
      Candace Seitz Month ago

      It happened to me for 13 years. Finally left but he's the father to my kids

    • Kodesuper
      Kodesuper Month ago


    • rook tilis
      rook tilis 2 months ago +1

      @Shanda Graham same here

    • Denise Viechec
      Denise Viechec 2 months ago +1

      Uncomfortable to watch. I've been through narcissistic abuse for 15 yrs. Most horrible time of my life...the final discard is when you see the REAL monster.

    • jijo varghese
      jijo varghese 2 months ago +1

      @Tanzi F Just move out, if it is the only option available, it is painful to remain in such a relatiinship

  • AlleshaXx
    AlleshaXx 13 days ago +5

    To know that I’ve been in this situation, twice and for years. It breaks me. My names also allesha so it hits hard hearing the same things but from different people too, watching this I just saw flash backs.
    I’m proud I got through those times, but man, it’s trauma and it will always hurt.
    To the strong men and woman who have been through this, we are all survivors, and I’m proud of you.

  • Genevieve Thomas
    Genevieve Thomas 4 months ago +15

    Watching this made me realize I was in a relationship like this. The confusion and silent treatment leave you thinking you are crazy. I was so unhappy i got out fairly quickly. Thank God. Like other people have said, this should be a high school requirement!

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  4 months ago +1

      I’m glad you managed to get out before it was too late!

  • Stormy'DeysPlace
    Stormy'DeysPlace 2 months ago +9

    I'm so.glad this content is out now for this younger generation to see. 20 years of abusive relationships is what gave me the experience. Learn from others and don't dismiss red flags. The moment she showed up supposedly late and his comments afterwards would have had me running for the door. I'll be taking my coat back and please dont txt again. You have one life, don't waste it on toxicity.

  • Ashley White
    Ashley White 2 months ago +18

    This was like watching someone take my place, and I hate that. The film is great, its done perfectly. The representation is definitely on point. But also made me realize, my previous relationship is probably even worse than I originally thought...

  • Rachael V. Dzedzy, M.S.
    Rachael V. Dzedzy, M.S. 6 months ago +1851

    This should be taught in school. Psychology and mental health surrounding relationships of all kind should be a REQUIREMENT just as semi ‘useless’ subjects as trigonometry, education should morph to reflect the current times for this next generation . Great short film, kudos. Kept these coming

    • sasha z
      sasha z Month ago

      I can’t believe you just called trigonometry useless. Speak for your own educational experience!

    • Michael Escobar
      Michael Escobar Month ago +1

      Trigonometry isn't useless. Many engineers use those skills on a daily basis. It may just not be useful in your line of work.

    • luna luna
      luna luna 2 months ago

      @shocklett HR are extremely manipulative they learn psychology in order to manipulate better the human resources.
      The goal of HR is to get the better deal for the company and the worse for the employee. They use exactly the same techniques: The backhanded compliments, the belittling, the humbling.
      I found it utterly draining dealing with recruiters and HR managers.
      - "Oh I see you have a bachelor degree but you took double the time to complete it why was that?" (Even if the job doesn't require a degree)
      - "Oh I can tell you have a pretty good command of English (not my mother language) but you don't have any certificate. You think any employer is going to give you the job without a certificate?"
      -" I saw your presentation video and looked good BUT it didn't include x or y" (note: x and y are not job or presentation requirements)
      I've had job interviews that were basically attacks on my cv and why it wasn't good enough so they should pay less, pay nothing at all or do other duties to compensate for my "lacking".
      They measure desperation and how much of a "sheep" are you.

    • Glory to CREATOR
      Glory to CREATOR 4 months ago

      @J. JJ TRUE!

    • Glory to CREATOR
      Glory to CREATOR 4 months ago

      @Marta Dias THIS!

  • Aquamarine Alibi
    Aquamarine Alibi Month ago +15

    I was once in a relationship that was mildly abusive- a lot of the signs from this video were there. Now I’m in the healthiest relationship possible. You are lovable. Everybody is. Treat others with respect and take care of yourselves. ❤️

  • Lee Kasmar
    Lee Kasmar 2 months ago +8

    Thank you so much for this film, it's very clever and accurate. I left a 4 year relationship last year with someone who was exactly like this guy! Nearly destroyed my life. So glad I got out when I did. Thanks again and well done! A lot of people
    need to see this film!!

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  2 months ago

      thank you so much! Glad to hear you managed to get out!

  • marika jagebro
    marika jagebro 2 months ago +11

    Yes, this really made me realize that I am living with "this" in my relation. What made me most convinced is the " small details", as he said initially .......the way she puts a cover under the wineglass , purely automatically, to protect the table from rings , while hanging out with her close friend. These small things keep appearing throughout this film. Those are the most important "hints" in this film, People can be asholes, bad boyfriends, or just jealous, and behave badly but these small hints is what the narcissist creates in his victim.
    Slowly breaking down a person from within.

  • Alexandra
    Alexandra 18 days ago +1

    Wow! This is so spot on that it makes me sick. My ex-husband would give me the silent treatment for days at a time, and most everything was my fault.

  • JohnOosterMusic
    JohnOosterMusic 5 months ago +1959

    "In human psychology it's the little things that make the biggest difference..." Great line for a film about gaslighting.

    • Santo Parfano
      Santo Parfano 3 months ago +1

      Lol..I missed the red flags bc I have the attention span of a squirrel..lol. Now I see all of the red flags over two decades later from life experience...an expert if you will.

    • Asha Vere
      Asha Vere 3 months ago

      That line was very foretelling to me

    • Jkc
      Jkc 4 months ago +5

      great.. little things.. sound like we ADHD are doomed.. 😢

    • Kgabo Karabo Maila
      Kgabo Karabo Maila 4 months ago +1

      Right? 😂

  • Alicia Cooper
    Alicia Cooper Month ago +18

    I really relate to the scene where she wakes up and he's giving her the silent treatment...nearly everytime I woke up with my ex he'd be silently fuming that I wouldn't give him any sexual favours (even though he knew I hated sex in the morning 🙃)

    • d. H
      d. H 2 days ago

      OMG SAME !!! My ex fucking did the same everytime i said i didn’t feel like having sex because i felt ill or something, and he just kept manipulating me until i gave in!! And sometimes he went so far he forced himself on me

  • Toni Medlen
    Toni Medlen 4 months ago +12

    Amazing short film!!!!! - we need more of these to help us talk about emotional abuse so we can learn to spot it early and leave before it gets dangerous. I was in a very similar situation and I didnt have the words to explain to my friends.
    Some things others havent commented on - if you listen to what he says - its ALL about him. When she has her needs - his response is "this is what you need to do". He tells her how to respond, he minimises her and it is ALWAYS about him - his risotto, his work, his image, his needs, his sleep, his friends, his time, his routine. In his mind - he is NEVER wrong...she is always in the wrong and someone to be pitied, spoken to like a child and 'managed'. ps they love to take a strong successful woman and suck out all their energy and break their spirit. (but they cant really do it - you are strong x)
    If you have doubts about your relationship:
    1) get some space - move out, get some perspective AWAY from him . (This could make his behaviours worse so be careful)
    2) spend more time with friends who HEAR your concerns about his behaviour and support you
    3) see a therapist who SPECIALISES in emotional abuse. If he wants to get therapy with you, BE CAREFUL. Keep your space - get your head together. Look after yourself first. He can get his own therapy (he wont btw - he'll just say he has. or go a couple of times. They really are lazy)
    4) get clarity about YOURSELF and why you are in the relationship. Dont make therapy all about him!!!!! Its your life - YOUR Mental Health! Not his!
    5) a quiet man can turn into a demon if he thinks he's lost control of you - BE CAREFUL and don't do what I did and think "he would never hit me'. He might not ever...but...how much of your health are you willing to lose?
    PS When I decided to leave my ex, he punched me in the face. There had been no arguements. Everything was calm. Out of NO WHERE - he punched me in the face!
    I told our firends and they said 'he said you are stressed and he finds it hard to manage your behaviour' wow!
    I said 'he punched me in the face' and they said 'he said that you were hysterical and he lost control and slapped you' . My response: "there is NO justification to slap or punch me- even if I was "hysterical"
    SO I left him and got better friends :)
    You have worth and you are worthy of kindness, support and an EQUAL PARTNER in your life xx Go for it!!! You've got this :)

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  4 months ago +2

      Thank you so much for your kind comment and for the useful tips!

  • tracyatracya
    tracyatracya Month ago +3

    30 years high-school sweethearts, one mental breakdown later and 1.5 year recovery. Daughter saved me. 25 years happy never knew what a covert narcissist was. Fighting for my house and job now hardest person to divorce. Day by day 😌

  • tiggertigerskip
    tiggertigerskip 4 months ago +8

    This is living my life over, watching this, minus the alcohol... So much is exactly like I went through. I never could figure out why things were the way the were. Lots of tears were shed, LOTS!! CONFUSION kept me a prisoner at times. Thank God things are pale in comparison now. God got me through, AND ONLY GOD!!

  • Shiloh Bell
    Shiloh Bell 6 months ago +4291

    I told my daughter, it starts with backhand compliments. If they give you a compliment and back it up with an insult, RUN.

  • Mb Lp
    Mb Lp 2 months ago +7

    I was in a relationship like this and nothing had captured the draining of my light and love better. She separated me from my best friends, she even got close with one of them so whenever I vented about her to my friend, she took her side instead. Thank you for making and sharing.

  • Resident Evil Re:Verse Universe 🌐💠

    Moral of the story: If the foundation which you build upon is broken so is everything else
    Him paying for the drinks highly suspicious ~> indicates control
    The dinner at the house seems strange...
    -> they had not even a single real date
    Her moving in after one date
    -> that leads to disaster
    Anger towards you for objects that you can replace
    -> this could lead to further abuse because they are not attuned to how you feel.
    Silent treatment
    -> he cares more about the item instead of your feelings
    Why is it that he doesn’t comfort her when she says she lost a account or he helps her get it back?
    -> instead he says the good news for himself and makes the decisions only on his consent. ( he said she was coming with him instead of asking her to come with him and waiting for her response) it’s one sided
    He minimizes her distress and then says he will take care of everything
    -> he is so selfish all he sees is how he can fix his problems and not hers (rely on me)
    He literally projects everything onto her
    -> but none of it was her fault
    At this point he has isolated her
    -> no going to parties means she has no way of getting outsider perspective to show her that he is a liar
    Notice how he says he will be there
    -> he’s out with his friends ( you’re not important)
    All of his gaslighting and the price she paid was
    -> she lost everything ( she got scammed in love aswell)
    This guy is freaking evil...
    The thing is when you’re in it
    You can’t see a way out
    But I promise you as
    a survivor of this type of abuse
    No one can do this to you.
    You have every right to be free.
    Everything I mentioned is red flags

    • Noelia Rocío
      Noelia Rocío 16 days ago +1

      She didn't moved in after the first date, they showed a picture of the two of them in the beginning of the scene. So they were in a relationship by that time

    • Nathalie Comsa
      Nathalie Comsa 18 days ago

      @ resident evil. Well broken down. Still learning weekly about psychological abuse.. The contrast of what à supportive relationship should be like (when she lost the account...(was 17 years with a narc, and still wondering why my parents could not get me out the psychological abuse)

    • luna luna
      luna luna 2 months ago +1

      The first one doesn't have to be a red flag and definitely doesn't present as a form of control. She was in distress and it was his chance for a romantic approach.
      From this moment on she can try to pay the drinks back or any other compensation if she doesn't want anything to do with him.
      The flag is the date at his place, that screams control because he's a stranger after all.

  • Yanna Laurent
    Yanna Laurent 3 months ago +11

    That scene in the end when he whispers in her ear, he really looks like a predator creeping up on its prey. Very well done 👏

  • Jacqui Gill
    Jacqui Gill 3 days ago +1

    I was in a similar kind of relationship. I really lived through someone self prescribing me, even to the point that they tried to stop me drinking any alcohol because I was 'depressed' when in fact I was just so completely miserable. I lost my best friends because of him, missed out on the first year of university and he even tried to isolate me from my family. It wasn't until I talked to someone that the glasses came off.
    Once I got my power back he was helpless. I got my friends, went to uni, went on amazing trips and did the things I wanted to do! And now I am in a very loving and supportive relationship with someone that truly values and cares for me!

  • Onlybygrace
    Onlybygrace 5 months ago +1224

    This is great for training purposes for those of us who have been emotionally abused and gaslighted. I feel like even better would be a follow-up the same movie but with a therapist stopping and explaining what was going on at each unhealthy or abusive interaction for both the man and the woman. Some of us need to better understand these unhealthy Dynamics

    • Cindy Riehm
      Cindy Riehm 2 months ago

      @Samantha Baldwin im glad you saw that it Doeznt have to b your parent's way. They probably got it from their parents.

    • Cindy Riehm
      Cindy Riehm 2 months ago

      I agree. Yhat woul DC help to see a therapist help her. So She knows they do help people.

    • April West
      April West 3 months ago +1

      I agree. Its still hard to know exactly a question or comment is a concern verses gas lighting. I mean if she has an alcoholic witness she says she wasn't so he could be right? I try to figure this stuff out and I'm stil confused

    • 001 jfhfjf
      001 jfhfjf 3 months ago

      oddly enough it's also a ready-made script for a painfully average American romance comedy film, and all you have to do is switch the female lead script with the male's and vice-versa.

    • Robinson M
      Robinson M 3 months ago

      @Kristin G they’re playing a game.

  • Fastpitch Mermaid
    Fastpitch Mermaid Month ago +5

    Damn this hits home, I’m so grateful I got out of a relationship like this. He was abusive and I thought I deserved it and everything was my fault. To those struggling now, get out, know you’re worth and it’ll get better. Today I’m with an incredible man and we’re married raising our son together. I’m so happy. Thanks for making this movie to spread awareness.

  • MK Finance
    MK Finance 3 months ago +7

    Yup, this is exactly a relationship I've been in. It makes you feel insane.

  • Parenting in the making
    Parenting in the making 4 months ago +2

    I was once in a relationship with a toxic person. You don't even notice because it's so gradual. I'm really glad I got out in time. I still remember the feeling of freedom I felt.

  • Zuckerwatt
    Zuckerwatt 19 days ago +6

    If you are in a relationship and ask yourself a lot of the time "Was this ok for him/her how I behaved?" then something is wrong.

  • Em 7
    Em 7 5 months ago +1589

    The part where her friend takes her side but she immediately starts giving excuses for him is too relatable

    • luna luna
      luna luna 2 months ago

      @Carpe Vinum i got it, no worries😊

    • Carpe Vinum
      Carpe Vinum 2 months ago

      @luna luna I wasn't suggesting you had done it, just elaborating, sorry for wording it poorly

    • luna luna
      luna luna 2 months ago

      @Carpe Vinum I was telling I've never done this to any of my friends. I've never had a friend coming to me about abusive romantic relationships but i had about friendships and roommates relationships.
      I know my friend and their flaws, the new boyfriend/friend/roommate is likely not my friend.
      If my friend reaches out about conflict pr confusion i definitely won't go with "it must be your fault".
      In the film we see the best friend who knows the main character for years immediately taking the side of the boyfriend.
      I remember the boyfriend of a friend of mine yelling at her from the car (he didn't notice i was with her) then the guy opened the biggest smile and said "you know how she is. I tell her things and she always forgets. Right?". Guy gave me goosebumps all over and i told my friend "if you need me let me know". Fast forward she decided to step away from me and ended bein driven suicidal by that same guy. I bet other of her friends told her she was probably the problem.

    • Carpe Vinum
      Carpe Vinum 2 months ago

      @luna luna I get not wanting to straight up cut ties with one side of a relationship breakdown (romantic or not). I get that in many disagreements both sides have some degree of accountability. But pretending there is no accountability and acting like nothing is wrong when you are told about or witness to abuse is ultimately supporting the abuser. You don't necessarily have to end everything. But it is really belittling to the victim, whom it can be really hard to reach out in the first place, saying you're not picking sides basically says that their experience in invalid.

    • luna luna
      luna luna 2 months ago

      @Carpe VinumI find interesting that I've never done this but I've experienced it many many times and even seeing others go through it and I'm not talking about romantic relationships only but family, friends even roommates.
      First I take my friends side and remove them from the abusive situation and later on with clarity if my friend wants to weight both sides and assess her accountability in the situation then I'm there to listen.

  • Paradox
    Paradox Month ago

    I think this needs to be a feature length topic. You need to include the good things they reel you in with and how gradually the gaslighting takes over every interaction. I haven't seen anyone do it is well as this short film, but if you take the time to add those details and how it all adds up I think it could be a masterpiece!

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  Month ago +1

      Thank you so much! We are actually working on turning it into a feature film where we focus a little bit more on the beginning stage, on the aftermath and also give the character a bit more depth. Stay tuned!

  • Mugaka Murakumo
    Mugaka Murakumo 4 months ago +26

    Internet is a WONDERFUL blessing. It's making those young research and realize what is really going on.
    I didn't realize this bs until 2015. I have a narc father and the last guy I dated exhibited these similar traits (my god is that a LONG story!) I tried to end it on the first date but narc father got involved even got his parents involved. My dad LOVED my ex. I even joked that he was his boyfriend not mine.
    The thing is if you're a woman and the narcissist is your father, he will try to marry you off to someone like him to continue the cycle of control and abuse.

  • gforce
    gforce 3 months ago +3

    The narcissist could be anyone in your life. It could be your parent. Once you recognize and acknowledge the person(s) in your world who are gaslighting you, you must make a stand. As difficult as it may be, cutting off communication is key to personal health, safety, and growth.

  • Conan the Septuagenarian
    Conan the Septuagenarian 2 months ago +1

    i wish there would have been more awareness of this phenomenon when i was in high school. it would have saved my life. i was going through this and no one seemed to understand what i was talking about when i brought it to their attention. they thought the person was a saint.

  • Nad ID
    Nad ID 3 months ago +11

    I love this!!! Thats exactly how is it going with narcissistic bf! especially the part where he talked to Sophie and made himself looks nice so when Alicia complains about him no one believes her! Dont be fooled sisters. Stick around ur girls ♥️.

  • Harmony - Mind, Body, & Nature

    We need more films like this to bring awareness to psychological concepts like gaslighting. So damaging to a psyche and a tough battle to deal with alone when you feel as if it's you, when it is really the other person.

  • Dana Bleier Nuspl
    Dana Bleier Nuspl 3 months ago +1

    Severely triggering for me.. I couldn’t get through the first physical altercation although I have been doing well with my healing. This is a very accurate depiction fit into such a short time frame. Hope whoever needed this video to address their relationship issues are able to safely leave the abuse and find happiness again .

  • Taran New New
    Taran New New 14 days ago +1

    it refreshed my memories of my mother who always used to gaslight and lie to me and she even talked to everyone in my family about how I'm acting weird even though my reactions and behaviors were completely normal as a growing child and my relatives and family members were used to call me out sometimes like " my did you do that " " the other day your mother here was crying " " why you don't understand how you should be " and I used to have no idea of why they were lecturing me and what the hell I did wrong

  • Storie Devereaux
    Storie Devereaux 7 months ago +1677

    This is sooooo in-depth. She literally fell from a woman of substance to a woman of doubt, insecurities, and medicating. He isn’t just a narcissists, he is a narcissistic sociopath.

    • Rocio Martinez
      Rocio Martinez 2 months ago

      My father and sister

    • Kamila PG
      Kamila PG 5 months ago

      It was like watching myself many years ago.

    • Lorraine Stuart
      Lorraine Stuart 5 months ago

      @francine smith PS. What I'm trying to say is that were lucky we don't have the disorder and I think it's unfair to label people as beyond help, as there is help available..(cold therapy for example) if they want it, but as I explained in my initial message to you.. it's not easy because of those reasons. No, it's not ok how we've been treated and this was never about sympathy... It's about understanding. I'm just relieved that I'm now out of mine and I'm sure you are too! Best wishes to you

    • Lorraine Stuart
      Lorraine Stuart 5 months ago

      @francine smith I have clearly offended you in some way and that wasn't my intention. However, you are accusing me of something that isn't true. Firstly, I didn't say you don't know what narcisism is.. nor am I excusing their behaviour, nor that we owe them anything either. I was simply disagreeing with your comment that they ALL only get worse as this is not true if they take responsibility for themselves. These people can get help, but it's unlikely due to what I described. Generally speaking, I just don't like it when people catogarise people and just put them in a box and throw away the key. It's a mental health disorder and I have compassion for that, it doesn't mean I want to be with one ever again. Just that understanding it more helped me as anger and bitterness is bad for my soul. I was actually very open with you, but you're too angry at the moment to hear another perspective, so I'll just leave it at that.

  • Helen Carter
    Helen Carter 4 months ago +7

    This was my relationship for 9 years. I’m so glad I left and found love ❤️

  • Oralie Bordeaux
    Oralie Bordeaux 3 months ago +19

    I understand this more than I care to admit. Literally my whole life..started with my family...I haven't escaped it yet 😔

  • pipa
    pipa 2 months ago +1

    Trust me they never ever change it's TRUE the saying ' a leopard never changes his spots' I was in my abusive marriage for 25 years before I could leave him So girls watch this and if you recognize any of these signs Run

  • Sara Jade
    Sara Jade 3 months ago +3

    This gave me chills.... Really well done!
    I think it would be really interesting to see this type of film featuring a man as the victim of domestic violence and emotional manipulation, as well as short videos providing positive examples of healthy communication, and effectively setting boundaries. Not everyone, especially those most vulnerable to abuse, have any example of what a healthy relationship should look like.
    I would like to see more videos like this, and think they should be shown in every middle school and highschool health class as part of a required emotional intelligence curriculum.
    The importance of this topic simply cannot be overstated. Namaste 💓

  • Sohaib
    Sohaib 5 months ago +570

    All those people who have experienced gaslighting, silent treatment, future faking along with betrayal.... Stay strong. You've learned what many don't.

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 11 days ago

      @Sho Chii 💤 Future faking is when a person lies or promises something about your possible future in order to get what they want in the present. It could be as basic as promising that they will call you later, and then never calling

    • Simphiwe Zungu
      Simphiwe Zungu 19 days ago

      @Sho Chii 💤 co-ask

    • Sho Chii 💤
      Sho Chii 💤 22 days ago +1

      What is future faking?

    • see meroland
      see meroland 23 days ago

      I'm not sure if I learned through that

    • Devian016
      Devian016 28 days ago +1

      Thank you

  • The Patriot's Kitchen

    Thank you. Because this shows what gaslighting REALLY is, as opposed to what the new "trendy" definition seems to be. People do NOT know what gaslighting is in any respect. It is literally when one person makes another question their sanity as what happened here. I wish this thing would get 10 billion views and shares so people can see what it really is.

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  14 days ago +1

      Thank you so much! You have no idea how much your words mean to me!

  • Tiffany Isler
    Tiffany Isler 27 days ago +4

    This is scary accurate. I was in a relationship and my mental health started to deteriorate . Everything started off so smooth and then it turned into “I’m not parking in the right spot”, they got upset when I would hang out with a friend. He would give me the silent treatment and I would react because I felt so anxious. I’m so glad it’s over. I told him I was anxious and he told me to go to therapy. So glad I’m free.

  • Shanice W
    Shanice W 4 months ago +9

    I went through this. So glad I'm on the other side. Some days I'm still healing. But I wouldn't trade this feeling now for anything in the world. If you are going through this. Trust your gut and let him go ♥️

  • CvaSimmers
    CvaSimmers 4 months ago +5

    I grew up with a mom who gaslighted me my whole childhood.
    Made me apologise for everything.
    I got diagnosed with anxiety, depression and the list goes on during my childhood and she always used to tell me that I always misread people do to my anxiety and stuff.
    I was insecure my whole childhood and felt like i had to talk with her about everything and did not trust my ability to read people.
    My mom kept telling her side of the family how crazy or hard I had it throughout my life so to this day everybody on that side treats me like I don’t understand sh**.
    I moved out at 18 years old.
    Found out how f*?ked up my childhood was 2 years after and has since been in therapy and are now happier than ever and the most confident I have ever been.
    When I’m with her now, my natural instinct is not to say sorry in those situations but to stand my ground wich works so far.
    Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of manipulation.
    But if I can come out on the other side of it, so can you if you are in it💕
    Believe your gut!
    And trust what you remember.
    The most important lessons I have learned.

  • SYRA Extras
    SYRA Extras 6 months ago +2077

    Honestly, I was disappointed up until the last scene. They successfully lulled me into the mindset that I was watching the situation from an objective outside perspective, so I thought the film was barely scratching the surface of Gaslighting, and I felt quite alone because I had been hoping to find a story that I could really relate and connect to. But once I saw that final scene and understood that the film is exposing her perspective alone, I saw the entire film differently. They are trying to demonstrate how you end up justifying your partner's behaviour in your mind, how you minimise it, how you end up seeing them as the 'good one' and yourself as the 'bad one', that they are a success in this relationship and you are the failure, and you don't see things for how bad they truly are. Once I reached the final scene, the film finally spoke to me in the way that I had been hoping for when I clicked onto it.

    • SYRA Extras
      SYRA Extras 11 days ago

      @AMANDA SHERRILL 😂 I'm so sorry! I hate it when people give spoilers!

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 11 days ago

      @Lilly X. I noticed it as soon as he complained about the Risotto was cold because she was late by 30 minutes, and then he pointed out that he had it ready right on time to rub it in a bit more. I think you're right, people that have been through gaslighting see the signs easier.

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 11 days ago +1

      @SYRA Extras All "Nice Guys" need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life" by Robert Glover

    • Winlly Huang
      Winlly Huang 5 months ago

      @Some random youtube channel EXACTLY i emphasized with him in the beginning and even justified his actions just like the woman did but in the end, the reality shocked me and i realized how blind you can be when you’re not really im the situation

    • SYRA Extras
      SYRA Extras 5 months ago

      @Emerald Peony Yes, well done for noticing.

  • Shan renee
    Shan renee 3 months ago +8

    It's scary looking at this after getting away from a narcissist! This was like watching my own movie! But luckily it pushed me to find Jesus! And life has been peaceful since! Those are empty vessels with demons you can't convince me otherwise! God bless you all and continue to heal and don't look back!

  • Kenzie Kiara
    Kenzie Kiara Month ago +3

    I too, have been in a relationship like this. It never got physical but it was only a few months of mental abuse and gaslighting before I ran and moved far away from him, to a different state.
    He made me believe at times that I was being a horrible controlling person but looking back there was always this other part of me that KNEW I wasnt any of the things he was saying to me and to our friends. My advice to others is: I know it’s super hard especially when you are catching feelings and are attracted to the person but when you notice a red flag here and there.. listen to your gut!
    I noticed a lot of red flags and HEY they weren’t horrible at all. But after I left the guy, I replayed all those moments where I noticed the red flags; the “what was that?” *furrow your eyebrow* Moments. And it all made sense and painted the pictures exactly in the way it turned out to be.

    • Tatjana Anders
      Tatjana Anders  Month ago

      Glad to hear you managed to get out when you did 🙏

  • Rasky Bukowski
    Rasky Bukowski 17 days ago +2

    I had to deal with gaslighting the majority of my life from my parents. The difficult aspect is how they manipulate others to still contact me. I have found I keep.having relationships where I know the person is lying and alert them, hoping I can change them, and it has never worked once. They're something like surrogates and I'm left feeling I can never be free from the abuse of the past for certain until my parents pass away or I do.

  • Kimberly Gerlach - StoS Boutique, LLC

    Its crazy how the narcissist can make others believe the victim is the narcissist. After 16 years in a relationship with one, they drain you of all friends and family so its even harder to leave. For years, I thought about my funeral and how empty it would be if I stayed. Weird thing to think about I know but when you are under that spell its hard to think normal. I have now made it my mission to help women while still in relationships with narcissistic people to get their lives back - we create exit plans, work hard core on self love and teach them about narcissism while getting them back on the independent track. The plans help them save money in a secret location so they can leave on the date of exit with very minimal stuff. If they can go through this process while still in the relationship, we have found it helps break the cycle for good. The one thing I am so sick over is while working to grow our nonprofit, I realized just how little resources are out there for abused individuals. Law enforcement dont help unless something has actually happened - so they have to risk being killed to get any support??? That is the one thing we need to fix! Well - it starts deeper than that, the parenting (childhood life) starts this cycle.

  • Daughter OfAKing
    Daughter OfAKing 5 months ago +1177

    I'm 18 years old and just graduated high school this year and I'm so glad that I watched this film so that I can detect the signs,this is very informative. ✨

    • Baldwin Cynthia
      Baldwin Cynthia Month ago

      Stay woke and Stay Focused

    • Nadine H
      Nadine H 2 months ago +1

      @TishaPisha Thank you so much!! It makes me feel so much better knowing I made the right decision ❤️

    • TishaPisha
      TishaPisha 2 months ago +2

      @Nadine H love bombing can be addictive and blinding! It feels reassuring and it validates you... then the rug is pulled from under your feet just, so quickly! I'm glad you recognized, early on! The experience with your step-dad gave you the wisdom you needed! But, I understand how those "maybes" can leave you wondering. I've been there. But remembering the pain you felt from the degradation. The infatuation phase usually happens in the beginning of the relationship. If you've experienced those type of negative feelings early on, I would say you've made the best decision for yourself! Once that mask slips, it's on... and it only gets worse! I married my narc. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy, if I had one. I left after a total of 4 years. It has been 7 years and I still have PTSD. There will be other potential partners, but you will only receive the one that is suitable and healthy for you... 🖤

    • Nadine H
      Nadine H 2 months ago +2

      @TishaPisha I love this advice!! Even though I consider myself super aware and sensitive to all the narcissistic signs because of having a narcissist ex- step dad, I found myself almost ending up in a relationship with a narcissist recently. I recognized the signs immediately but I was still charmed by him and loved his attention and compliments even tho he was lovebombing me, until he wasn’t and it turned to degrading. That’s when I decided I had to leave before I continued things with him bc it was still pretty early, but he begged for me to forgive him saying “he will never say that to me again” yadayadaya but I didn’t believe it and I cut him off. Even though I know I made the right decision I still think about him often and second guess my decision, that “maybe he really didn’t mean it” or “maybe this could’ve been an amazing relationship.” I’m having very conflicting thoughts atm but my gut says he was wrong for me so I know it

    • TishaPisha
      TishaPisha 2 months ago +3

      Please establish boundaries and be assertive! A person who cares about you will not make you compromise yourself. Understand that no matter how intelligent and aware you are, this can still happen to you. There are some very manipulative and charming people who will try to drain your energy. If that ever happens, get out as quickly and carefully as possible. Be sure to be kind to yourself on your journey to recovery! Otherwise, enjoy life! You're young and the world is yours!

  • Essence Ocean
    Essence Ocean 3 months ago +3

    Something that was a big red flag with my ex was that my emotional states didn’t matter. I was upset with him for a good reason one day and he told me I can’t add stress to his life. I’m only there to be positive. No apology for saying he’d pick me up and me waiting two hrs with no response all ready and made up for him (multiple times).
    He also told me to lie about facts about myself that might make me and therefore him look inferior before we went to a party.
    Don’t ever let someone else have any power over you whether it be status or age. They can think theyre better than you, but as long as you know where you stand you can’t be moved. Manipulation starts to become clearer and easier to dismiss. Gl everyone!

  • Brandy Coffey
    Brandy Coffey 2 months ago +2

    Please share this video with your friends and kids…narcs are out there trying to destroy lives and crush souls…DON’T LET THEM.