Emotions: The Data Men Miss | Adam Dorsay | TEDxSantaClaraUniversity

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  • Published on Jun 3, 2016
  • Dr. Adam Dorsay has observed a common blind-spot among many successful men: a difficulty in mining the data provided by emotions to inform decisions and live fuller lives. In this talk, he describes his findings and reveals his roadmap to success; a set of skills to help men truly know and then become stronger from their emotions.
    Dr. Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA. He worked for several years in the corporate sector in the U.S. and Japan prior to becoming a psychologist. In addition to his private practice, he has launched an international program for Facebook, Inc., at their headquarters in Menlo Park, CA. Adam has a true passion for his work and, during his time off, loves being with his wife and two young sons.

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Comments • 56

  • J J
    J J 5 days ago

    I show my emotions to my family only. Women have the opposite problem no control of it.

  • Adam Taizul
    Adam Taizul Month ago +1

    Last 6 years of my life is passed way for searching that things what is happening in my life with all the real world problems by zipping up all of my emotions and try to cure those emotions by another way but now I got it what was my problem and I had a personal analysis of my all sorts of action in my life with regards to my point of emotions for the last two years and that is actually as same as you narrate Adam . Thanks a lot Adam for sharing such a important information about emotions .

  • lovethechop
    lovethechop 2 months ago

    I say MAN, you say GINA! MAN-GINA! MAN-GINA!

  • Mark of CAIN
    Mark of CAIN 3 months ago

    This was 15 minutes about absolutely nothing that went nowhere.

  • Akshita srivastava
    Akshita srivastava 4 months ago +1

    💗that was awesome👏👏👏

  • Cuddly Cactus
    Cuddly Cactus 6 months ago +1

    Wow! Amazing tedtalk! I wish every single man (& woman) could watch this! Adam is very intelligent, insightful & inspiring! I love the point he makes about "feeling stressed" and feeling other emotions, such as fear, and how its so hard to say "dude i feel scared" instead of the typical "dude i feel stressed"! those statements alone are brilliant! I just wish he could have went a little deeper into why do i feel so stressed? what is making me feel this emotion in this moment? but i know you only get about 20 mins here so I will definitely do some research into Adam's research!
    And one of the best things he said here (along with his 7 step emotional road map) was the heart wrenching experience he shared with us of losing that goldfish! I hope people actually really listen to this man, and learn something!!!
    There's so many times in life when yes, one has a problem & you want to fix that problem asap, but really the best thing one can do is just give a hug! Times like that, words don't even really need to be said. (well other than what's wrong? one doesn't need to go past that at times) so instead of trying to fix something or solve a problem, just being there, just giving a hug when something bad happens, that's needed so much more than a fixer or solver!

  • Jason Goodman
    Jason Goodman 6 months ago +2

    Adam was my camp counselor amazing guy

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 4 months ago

      bofuscrapshaw I was! Thanks for letting me know!

    • Jason Goodman
      Jason Goodman 4 months ago

      Adam Dorsay its jason Goodman in case you were wondering

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 4 months ago

      Wow, thanks!

  • Trevor West
    Trevor West 7 months ago +1

    0:47 is the problem, you spotted the root cause to male problems in under 1 minute....they are not listening to their instincts, their body, or their emotions.
    4:00 no surprise at all ...it is obvious, not surprising to those paying attention. Men are shame protection devices when it comes to responding to society. Men don't have feelings (internal) issues, they have shaming (external) issues.
    When the shaming stops the men will all open up, but let's deal with the root cause 1st, without this opening up will do more harm than good for the one doing the work... right now in society open men is not what everyone wants, so they don't.... as you said "boys/ men are more sensitive."

  • omg hey there
    omg hey there Year ago +3

    "A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved."

  • omg hey there
    omg hey there Year ago

    lol I *love* sitting alone by myself- what a wonderful rest! Maybe this explains submissive men, because they choose consistent pain to alleviate their inner pain.

  • Ygg The Terrible one

    I learned to not express my emotions from the reactions of women.
    Also male brains process emotions in the amygdala and as such have difficulty articulating them when compared to women.

  • Olya Clarkson
    Olya Clarkson Year ago +3

    So glad to hear people taking about it! Our society needs to realize that feeling is not a shameful thing, it's in fact insightful and wise and courageous. I see it as a sign of maturity when a man owns his emotions instead of suppressing and denying them. Thank you.

  • Ray Rudolph
    Ray Rudolph Year ago +2

    THE EVOLUTIONARY TRUTH ...If men were actually in touch with their emotions they would be unwilling to become the disposable appliances that have moved the human race from a life the field mouse experiences.

  • Judy FIELDS DAVIS
    Judy FIELDS DAVIS Year ago +1

    Thank you so much

  • veeleeokay
    veeleeokay 2 years ago +6

    "whether they like them or acknowledge them" - nice!

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 2 years ago

      Thanks! :) I appreciate the compliment.

  • Purvi Patel
    Purvi Patel 2 years ago +37

    This reminded me so much of something I saw a while back. A feminist who works to change laws in India to help women was part of a panel on male on female violence and she said something that really struck me. She said we teach our boys not to feel and if they can't even feel their own emotions, how can we expect them to feel empathy for anyone else? She cited this as a major cause of violence and said that if we change the way we raise our boys, if we stop shaming them for having and acknowledging feelings, we'll go a long way towards ending violence because then those (unacknowledged and ignored) emotions will be less likely to turn into anger/rage.
    To me, your discussion seemed very in line with that debate. Thank you for the insight!

  • René Henriksen
    René Henriksen 2 years ago +11

    Maybe this reveals something missing about the upbringing of boys.

    • Tyler Cooper
      Tyler Cooper Year ago +1

      René Henriksen not just maybe, it literally does. It's so apparent in society sadly

    • Benjamin Esposti
      Benjamin Esposti Year ago +3

      Shhh, you can't talk about that! Everyone knows that it's only girls who are mistreated. Boys already have it easy. XD

  • René Henriksen
    René Henriksen 2 years ago +3

    Good thing that someone has an eye for this issue...

  • Vicky Venter
    Vicky Venter 2 years ago +2

    Love this - you inspire me Adam :) thank you.

  • Tina Williams
    Tina Williams 2 years ago +3

    Thank you Adam Dorsay. Great insight, explains so much. I am sharing with my children (son and daughter).

  • Ted Pierce
    Ted Pierce 2 years ago +6

    What a wonderful talk. I have boys and want to help them express themselves better.

    • Ted Pierce
      Ted Pierce 2 years ago

      Can you speak more about "processing"? What does that mean? Are you looking for the root cause of the feeling? "Why does this make me mad?" Are you trying to get some emotional distance from the feeling? " I am not the feeling. I control it. It doesn't control me?".

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 2 years ago

      Thanks, Ted!

  • Adrian Medina
    Adrian Medina 2 years ago +3

    Important for all of us to be thinking about Adam. Thank you for putting this together. I'll try and FIP more often.

  • Leigh Harrison
    Leigh Harrison 3 years ago +3

    Awesome, Adam! I miss a lot of data, too. This was good to hear. Thanks for sharing!

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 2 years ago

      Thanks, Leigh! We've come a long way since the newspaper!

  • Peter Trudelle
    Peter Trudelle 3 years ago +2

    Insightful and compelling; we need to hear more: Encore!

  • Justice Society
    Justice Society 3 years ago +2

    Great job Adam - I especially appreciate your 7 set Roadmap. Looks like a good tool for men and women!

  • Robert Ogner
    Robert Ogner 3 years ago +2

    Really good Adam! I'm sharing it right now with a husband in a couple I saw last night. I'll have many more husbands to share this with. Thank you for sharing it with me!

    • Adam Dorsay
      Adam Dorsay 2 years ago

      Thanks, Robert! I hope it's helpful to your clients.

  • Hirsch
    Hirsch 3 years ago +2

    Way to go, Adam!
    I am tuning in for your next talk.
    - Gus.

  • Amrita Singh
    Amrita Singh 3 years ago +3

    Wow! Great job Adam! Very Succinct and very well presented. Really important topic too.

  • Sara Holly
    Sara Holly 3 years ago +6

    This is amazing. As the Mother of two boys I really appreciate the message. Excellent job!

  • Guy Wilnai
    Guy Wilnai 3 years ago +3

    Well done, Adam! I'm feeling proud of you.