Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol XLII

  • Published on Nov 22, 2018
  • I'm worried that once they make self-driving car, I will never be sober again.
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Comments • 241

  • L B
    L B 8 months ago

    Cobert is a deplorable...he is not even funny....he should get a life!!

  • L B
    L B 8 months ago

    He is a liar.....he is an atheist!!!! Another lying liberal!!!

  • Mahri Beneda
    Mahri Beneda 9 months ago

    They should pot you in the garbage ,you are the most disappointing person ever.

  • BaldingClamydia
    BaldingClamydia 9 months ago

    Vol. 42? Hitchhiker's Guide reference, or have you done this 42 times?

  • fclavijo
    fclavijo 10 months ago

    It had been too long. But at least he did have scotch.

  • jenbdiamond
    jenbdiamond 10 months ago

    Stephen and I have the same green been casserole recipe!

  • Ivone de Figueiredo
    Ivone de Figueiredo 10 months ago

    Judging from the comments, the sleeping 😴 one hit home for many, myself included. Depression must be affecting many people. Perhaps it’s just the seasonal increase but the last couple of years have been rather trying.

  • Tamie Miller
    Tamie Miller 10 months ago

    Stephen lol you're a bad bad Catholic!

  • DJcyberslash
    DJcyberslash 10 months ago

    His least funny video I have ever seen from him.

  • Deathnote2539
    Deathnote2539 10 months ago

    I told your priest and your mom for you.

  • Surfer Rosa
    Surfer Rosa 10 months ago

    I didn't get the can of fried onions as recipe for green pea casserole... what's the joke?

  • DoctorHver
    DoctorHver 10 months ago

    Steven there is much better confessing to us than preasts.

  • rokridge
    rokridge 10 months ago

  • Ia Faye Sison
    Ia Faye Sison 10 months ago

    Forgive me father, but I take personal offense to the wrong pronunciation of Nevada

  • david boat
    david boat 10 months ago

    your sins are forgiven son

  • lockergr
    lockergr 10 months ago

    Top notch writing here!

  • Tenacious Dmitchell
    Tenacious Dmitchell 10 months ago

    Jolly good show old boy...

  • Cher Strong
    Cher Strong 10 months ago

    Best confessions so far!!! Laughed heartily at every one. And... cheers, I’m with ya.

  • Seetiyan
    Seetiyan 10 months ago

    Man, this guy is always drinking on the job!
    You should use that in a future confession: "I only do these segments so I can get away with drinking on the job."

    • Youtube Guy
      Youtube Guy 10 months ago

      He already said that in one of the midnight confession back then

  • HairMak
    HairMak 10 months ago

    Was Wondering When we'd get another episode of midnight confessions!

  • Ken Roberts
    Ken Roberts 10 months ago

    straight to hell wit cha my boy!

  • JD Smith
    JD Smith 10 months ago

    hints of Steven Wright- wry observations

  • Tribute Channel #Kimmel.j hwb23

    So thankful for you. 👏.

  • Linda Fitch
    Linda Fitch 10 months ago

    God these were some of the worst jokes i've ever heard

  • NuthinMuffins
    NuthinMuffins 10 months ago

    Best one yet, IMO

  • G
    G 10 months ago

    That was lame

  • Crispin Semmens
    Crispin Semmens 10 months ago

    3:20 - classy burp right there...

  • Colby B.
    Colby B. 10 months ago

    Bruh that sober joke had me on the floorr

  • Fisty Carrera
    Fisty Carrera 10 months ago +2

    how can a smart man be a practicing catholic?

  • Cecil Brooks
    Cecil Brooks 10 months ago

    How serious IS Colbert's drinking problem?

  • Eduardo Cuellar
    Eduardo Cuellar 10 months ago +1

    all these nonsensical sounding jokes are still an order of magnitude funnier than the jokes on seth meyers or fallon. veteran writers.

    • Luna Azule
      Luna Azule 10 months ago

      Thanks, I thought it was just me due to losing my sense of humor.

  • I Created An Account For This

    I confess, I like this

  • Megan G
    Megan G 10 months ago

    It’s pronounced Nevada

  • Ber
    Ber 10 months ago

    At least the audience doesn't make him say 20 Our Fathers and 12 hail Mary's. They always forgive him.

  • Happy Camper
    Happy Camper 10 months ago

    😃 As a former Catholic, confess to God alone! I enjoy your show, though.

  • Ricardo Garcia
    Ricardo Garcia 10 months ago +1


  • Liesbeth de Vries
    Liesbeth de Vries 10 months ago +3

    My grandma talked to her plants. Always thought there was a hidden agenda. Now I know. 😃

  • Yes I’m Blessed
    Yes I’m Blessed 10 months ago


  • saultube44
    saultube44 10 months ago +1

    Stephen: You drink because you're depressed, because you have emotional trauma, it's not only Donald Dumb Drumpf, but something in your life I think, meditate about it, and don't eat animal products but the produce you throw away, you'll lose those extra pounds and don't assimilate the feelings of those mistreated animals, which emotions you're feeling because of the chemical that are produced because of the mistreatment are in the animal products you eat, wishing you the best, hero without cape, I salute you

  • Cliff Diving Monkeys
    Cliff Diving Monkeys 10 months ago

    Stephanie Colbert's midnight man crush confessions :-) #colbertmancrushontrump #hypocriticalsellout #oneweirdear

  • Patricia A
    Patricia A 10 months ago

    I love this segment. Do the Big Furry Hat next.

  • Elaine Oliver
    Elaine Oliver 10 months ago


  • Maxim Daigle
    Maxim Daigle 10 months ago +6

    I gagged at Romaine gravy

  • MomoTheBellyDancer
    MomoTheBellyDancer 10 months ago

    "I'm a practicing Catholic"
    Well, nobody's perfect.

  • Rae Lynn
    Rae Lynn 10 months ago

    I love this segment, but it always makes me wonder if Mr. Colbert writes all these himself or if most or all are done by other writers on the show.

  • MrZeeshawn
    MrZeeshawn 10 months ago

    I like Colbert confessions. He should do more. Refreshing!

  • BookwormSkates
    BookwormSkates 10 months ago +1

    promoting alcoholism, promoting a self-harming diet. thumbs down from me.

  • grytlappar
    grytlappar 10 months ago +1

    You're supposed to talk to your plants; the CO2 you breathe out is good for them! 🌱🙂

  • dreaminginnoother
    dreaminginnoother 10 months ago +17

    I only trust succulents. The other plants are all filthy snitches.

  • Ramon Cabral
    Ramon Cabral 10 months ago

    channeling your inner demetri martin?

  • Emily Eldridge
    Emily Eldridge 10 months ago +9

    Farther, forgive me for I have sinned, I have this massive crush on Stephen Colbert and I so wanna just kiss him on the lips. This is secret between me and you and Stephen can never find out about this okay Father.

  • sakcee
    sakcee 10 months ago

    This was a good one

  • Maribel Martinez
    Maribel Martinez 10 months ago +1

    Get in the car, we're going sleeping 😴

  • Rennis Tora
    Rennis Tora 10 months ago

    Oof, that second last one.

  • silverpurkat
    silverpurkat 10 months ago

    Once they make self driving cars I will never be sober again! OMG. I am SO screwed. 🤪😵

  • Commenter Person
    Commenter Person 10 months ago +1

    _John __3:16__ "I don't care..." -- Stephen Colbert_

  • Sara
    Sara 10 months ago

    That had to be the most depressingly funny thing I've ever watched. 😅😥

  • Os O
    Os O 10 months ago

    Stephen Colbert sold his soul to the Jews

  • Anthony Loos
    Anthony Loos 10 months ago

    Dammit Stephen! I hope at least one of your confessions is actually true in real life. That gives me hope 🤪

  • OhCrap247
    OhCrap247 10 months ago

    What exactly is Apple Picking? He asked instead of googleing cuz why fucking not?