Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol XLII

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  • Published on Nov 22, 2018
  • I'm worried that once they make self-driving car, I will never be sober again.
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    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
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Comments • 244

  • L B
    L B 3 months ago

    Cobert is a deplorable...he is not even funny....he should get a life!!

  • L B
    L B 3 months ago

    He is a liar.....he is an atheist!!!! Another lying liberal!!!

  • Mahri Beneda
    Mahri Beneda 4 months ago

    They should pot you in the garbage ,you are the most disappointing person ever.

  • BaldingClamydia
    BaldingClamydia 4 months ago

    Vol. 42? Hitchhiker's Guide reference, or have you done this 42 times?

  • fclavijo
    fclavijo 5 months ago

    It had been too long. But at least he did have scotch.

  • jenbdiamond
    jenbdiamond 5 months ago

    Stephen and I have the same green been casserole recipe!

  • Ivone de Figueiredo
    Ivone de Figueiredo 5 months ago

    Judging from the comments, the sleeping 😴 one hit home for many, myself included. Depression must be affecting many people. Perhaps it’s just the seasonal increase but the last couple of years have been rather trying.

  • Tamie Miller
    Tamie Miller 5 months ago

    Stephen lol you're a bad bad Catholic!

  • DJcyberslash
    DJcyberslash 5 months ago

    His least funny video I have ever seen from him.

  • Deathnote2539
    Deathnote2539 5 months ago

    I told your priest and your mom for you.

  • Surfer Rosa
    Surfer Rosa 5 months ago

    I didn't get the can of fried onions as recipe for green pea casserole... what's the joke?

  • DoctorHver
    DoctorHver 5 months ago

    Steven there is much better confessing to us than preasts.

  • rokridge
    rokridge 5 months ago

    ru-clip.com/video/Au0RWlMWHFg/video.html

  • Ia Faye Sison
    Ia Faye Sison 5 months ago

    Forgive me father, but I take personal offense to the wrong pronunciation of Nevada

  • david boat
    david boat 5 months ago

    your sins are forgiven son

  • lockergr
    lockergr 5 months ago

    Top notch writing here!

  • Tenacious Dmitchell
    Tenacious Dmitchell 5 months ago

    Jolly good show old boy...

  • Cher Strong
    Cher Strong 5 months ago

    Best confessions so far!!! Laughed heartily at every one. And... cheers, I’m with ya.

  • Seetiyan
    Seetiyan 5 months ago

    Man, this guy is always drinking on the job!
    You should use that in a future confession: "I only do these segments so I can get away with drinking on the job."

    • Youtube Guy
      Youtube Guy 5 months ago

      He already said that in one of the midnight confession back then

  • HairMak
    HairMak 5 months ago

    Was Wondering When we'd get another episode of midnight confessions!

  • Ken Roberts
    Ken Roberts 5 months ago

    straight to hell wit cha my boy!

  • JD Smith
    JD Smith 5 months ago

    hints of Steven Wright- wry observations

  • Tribute Channel #Kimmel.j hwb23

    So thankful for you. 👏.

  • Linda Fitch
    Linda Fitch 5 months ago

    God these were some of the worst jokes i've ever heard

  • NuthinMuffins
    NuthinMuffins 5 months ago

    Best one yet, IMO

  • G
    G 5 months ago

    That was lame

  • Crispin Semmens
    Crispin Semmens 5 months ago

    3:20 - classy burp right there...

  • Colby B.
    Colby B. 5 months ago

    Bruh that sober joke had me on the floorr

  • Fisty Carrera
    Fisty Carrera 5 months ago +2

    how can a smart man be a practicing catholic?

  • Cecil Brooks
    Cecil Brooks 5 months ago

    How serious IS Colbert's drinking problem?

  • Eduardo Cuellar
    Eduardo Cuellar 5 months ago +1

    all these nonsensical sounding jokes are still an order of magnitude funnier than the jokes on seth meyers or fallon. veteran writers.

    • Luna Azule
      Luna Azule 5 months ago

      Thanks, I thought it was just me due to losing my sense of humor.

  • I Created An Account For This

    I confess, I like this

  • Megan G
    Megan G 6 months ago

    It’s pronounced Nevada

  • Ber
    Ber 6 months ago

    At least the audience doesn't make him say 20 Our Fathers and 12 hail Mary's. They always forgive him.

  • L G
    L G 6 months ago

    😃 As a former Catholic, confess to God alone! I enjoy your show, though.

  • Ricardo Garcia
    Ricardo Garcia 6 months ago +1

    HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES

  • Liesbeth de Vries
    Liesbeth de Vries 6 months ago +3

    My grandma talked to her plants. Always thought there was a hidden agenda. Now I know. 😃

  • Yes I’m Blessed
    Yes I’m Blessed 6 months ago

    😹🤣😂

  • saultube44
    saultube44 6 months ago +1

    Stephen: You drink because you're depressed, because you have emotional trauma, it's not only Donald Dumb Drumpf, but something in your life I think, meditate about it, and don't eat animal products but the produce you throw away, you'll lose those extra pounds and don't assimilate the feelings of those mistreated animals, which emotions you're feeling because of the chemical that are produced because of the mistreatment are in the animal products you eat, wishing you the best, hero without cape, I salute you

  • Cliff Diving Monkeys
    Cliff Diving Monkeys 6 months ago

    Stephanie Colbert's midnight man crush confessions :-) #colbertmancrushontrump #hypocriticalsellout #oneweirdear

  • Patricia A
    Patricia A 6 months ago

    I love this segment. Do the Big Furry Hat next.

  • Elaine Oliver
    Elaine Oliver 6 months ago

    Lmao

  • Maxim Daigle
    Maxim Daigle 6 months ago +6

    I gagged at Romaine gravy

  • MomoTheBellyDancer
    MomoTheBellyDancer 6 months ago

    "I'm a practicing Catholic"
    Well, nobody's perfect.

  • Rae Lynn
    Rae Lynn 6 months ago

    I love this segment, but it always makes me wonder if Mr. Colbert writes all these himself or if most or all are done by other writers on the show.

  • MrZeeshawn
    MrZeeshawn 6 months ago

    I like Colbert confessions. He should do more. Refreshing!

  • BookwormSkates
    BookwormSkates 6 months ago +1

    promoting alcoholism, promoting a self-harming diet. thumbs down from me.

  • grytlappar
    grytlappar 6 months ago +1

    You're supposed to talk to your plants; the CO2 you breathe out is good for them! 🌱🙂

  • dreaminginnoother
    dreaminginnoother 6 months ago +17

    I only trust succulents. The other plants are all filthy snitches.

  • Ramon Cabral
    Ramon Cabral 6 months ago

    channeling your inner demetri martin?

  • Emily Eldridge
    Emily Eldridge 6 months ago +8

    Farther, forgive me for I have sinned, I have this massive crush on Stephen Colbert and I so wanna just kiss him on the lips. This is secret between me and you and Stephen can never find out about this okay Father.

  • sakcee
    sakcee 6 months ago

    This was a good one

  • Maribel Martinez
    Maribel Martinez 6 months ago +1

    Get in the car, we're going sleeping 😴

  • Rennis Tora
    Rennis Tora 6 months ago

    Oof, that second last one.

  • silverpurkat
    silverpurkat 6 months ago

    Once they make self driving cars I will never be sober again! OMG. I am SO screwed. 🤪😵

  • Commenter Person
    Commenter Person 6 months ago +1

    _John __3:16__ "I don't care..." -- Stephen Colbert_
    ;)

  • Sara
    Sara 6 months ago

    That had to be the most depressingly funny thing I've ever watched. 😅😥

  • Os O
    Os O 6 months ago

    Stephen Colbert sold his soul to the Jews

  • Anthony Loos
    Anthony Loos 6 months ago

    Dammit Stephen! I hope at least one of your confessions is actually true in real life. That gives me hope 🤪

  • OhCrap247
    OhCrap247 6 months ago

    What exactly is Apple Picking? He asked instead of googleing cuz why fucking not?

  • American by chance
    American by chance 6 months ago

    About time!!

  • scarletspidernz
    scarletspidernz 6 months ago

    0:19 Hand gesture guy and shoulder shrug scarf girl were the only interesting ones this time.

  • MissHMSilk
    MissHMSilk 6 months ago

    Delivered in a very Stephen Wright sort of way... 😉👍🏻

  • Ichijo Festival
    Ichijo Festival 6 months ago

    I think... I think we need to stage an intervention for Stephen.

  • Natasha J. Carrasco Stillman

    Nevahhhda or Nevaaaaaaada. i don't care. #gold

  • Pamela Bergner
    Pamela Bergner 6 months ago

    "In my midnite confessions..."

  • Nicholas Salamone
    Nicholas Salamone 6 months ago

    I wish I never had to be sober again.

  • Graham Palmer
    Graham Palmer 6 months ago

    Hey Stephen I'm a true fan of the show but am curious, and to be honest a little confused, as to why you keep referring to yourself as a practising catholic. Especially since you also tell us that you DON'T go to church every sunday and participate in the Holy Mass. How can that be so? All the practising catholics I know do go to church, religiously, every sunday. If you didn't repeatedly make a point of telling your audience that you're a 'practising' catholic, it wouldn't matter so much, to me anyway. I heard you say it again at the start of this video and on this occasion I thought I'd ask you to inform us how you rationalise the two statements re: practising your catholic faith and not going to Holy Mass every sunday. According to those who know better than I (practising catholics), having other commitments isn't a weekly "get out of jail free" card. ps haven't seen God there for a while, is he ok? I miss the old guy!

    • James Horn
      James Horn 6 months ago

      He's a practicing Catholic because he hasn't quite got it right yet.

  • Bill Mills
    Bill Mills 6 months ago

    Omg! Is Steven Wright writing for you now? Funny stuff. One of your best 'Confessions'!

  • Thomas Burns
    Thomas Burns 6 months ago

    Stephen (Wright) Colbert

  • Sonictheporcipine
    Sonictheporcipine 6 months ago

    The audience is always so forgiving.

  • sdfkjgh
    sdfkjgh 6 months ago

    1:39 If they ever do a live-action movie of Morel Orel, I hereby nominate Stephen Colbert to play Clay Puppington.

  • sdfkjgh
    sdfkjgh 6 months ago

    0:54 Is it just me, or is that organ playing the opening notes of Freebird?

  • Hendrikjandespeelman
    Hendrikjandespeelman 6 months ago

    Stephen,
    no god in any heaven would forgive you for putting ice in your scotch.

  • ntm4
    ntm4 6 months ago

    That first one is so me.
    Also I'm glad this segment is back, probably my favorite Late Show bit.

  • David Frison
    David Frison 6 months ago

    I stole 2 granny Smith apples today... Man that felt good to get out.it was weighing heavily on my conscience and I had a heavy heart about it all day ..i paid for 4 of them..but I just felt a sense of entitlement at the time soldiers of fortune I guess LMAO.. And I'll sleep better tonight

  • sally forth
    sally forth 6 months ago

    Ahhh Stephen. I knew you were one of us. The little people. The weeeeee folk. Fairy? Is fairy not a compliment anymore. Little green men safer nowadays. Happy thanksgiving. When I say my apple watch is telling me what to do, they say I am crazy. Lolol.

  • sally kilby
    sally kilby 6 months ago

    We forgive you Stephen, brilliant, you could also have The Band members joining in as well as the guests.💞✌😂👏

  • Scott Barber
    Scott Barber 6 months ago +1

    How about Nev-ay-da Missouri ???

  • Madame Chairwoman
    Madame Chairwoman 6 months ago

    Every time Stephen “drinks” on the show, I always want and wish it to be real bourbon. A mischievous smile comes to my face hoping it’s real liquor. 😁

  • Autumn
    Autumn 6 months ago

    Depressing!

  • Student Loans Are Cool
    Student Loans Are Cool 6 months ago +1

    When i confessed the preast would say ok thats long enough, and you are supposed to whisper!

  • babbar123
    babbar123 6 months ago

    See liberalism or inclusive-ism doesn’t mean being areligious.
    I respect Colbert for proudly wearing his faith and also being a voice of reason and inclusion.
    He is antithesis to the Fox douchbagry and KKK fuckery which has destroyed the face of religion in the USA.

  • David Kempton
    David Kempton 6 months ago

    I love Steven, but have a concern that he may be encouraging a troubling trend - instead of Casual Friday , we get Bring Your Bottle To Work Mondays...

  • JERRY RICHARDSON
    JERRY RICHARDSON 6 months ago +5

    I agree with other commentators, these are the best confessions in a while.

  • Zsuzsa Daczo
    Zsuzsa Daczo 6 months ago +9

    the 26 dislikes are from Nevada

  • Spartaka Pinto
    Spartaka Pinto 6 months ago

    LOL

  • Leo Miles
    Leo Miles 6 months ago

    Was there really a difference between his 2 Nevadas ? english is weird

    • pete knicks
      pete knicks 6 months ago

      Like, ni'veade, vs., ni'vade, it's mostly an west vs. east difference, and sorry, my pad doesn't have the proper phonetic transcription keys. Anyway, I too am wondering whether the cops care, when they are questioning the the hemp plants...

  • aardlord
    aardlord 6 months ago

    It's been too long since the last SCMC. Easily the funniest bit on the whole show.

  • Viran Victus
    Viran Victus 6 months ago +2

    Pitcher plants have such big mouths

  • ForTheSakeOf SanityAndSuch

    Sometimes, i just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Other times, im asleep. 🤣 so true

  • Straw Berry
    Straw Berry 6 months ago

    LMFAO

  • Andrew Page
    Andrew Page 6 months ago

    Hey, I'm from Nevada. It's pronounced the second way you said it.

  • Hans Warjone
    Hans Warjone 6 months ago

    Aaaa! A car with a full bar and despensery. The future.

  • c0mpu73rguy
    c0mpu73rguy 6 months ago +3

    Drinking alcohol on live TV. That's the spirit!


    Get it? Drinking... Alcohol... Spirit... Joke dead, moving on!

  • persephone ratsputin
    persephone ratsputin 6 months ago +7

    As a Nevadan....I approve 😂🤣😭

  • Amin Limbu
    Amin Limbu 6 months ago

    😂😂😂😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • Leldon Rodgers
    Leldon Rodgers 6 months ago

    I forgive you for blatantly disrespecting my President every night for two yrs

    • Brian H
      Brian H 6 months ago +1

      He is not asking for forgiveness for that. That is something that needs to happen every night so people like you can see how incompetent and shady trump is. You idiots still refuse to see it though.

  • ann Gillespie
    ann Gillespie 6 months ago +40

    Omg I love midnight confession, happy thanksgiving to Stephen Colbert, his family and staff at the late show 😎😍😁

  • S.M. Carrière
    S.M. Carrière 6 months ago +1

    I missed these!