Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol XLII

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  • Опубликовано: 22 ноя 2018
  • I'm worried that once they make self-driving car, I will never be sober again.
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    ---
    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
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Комментарии • 249

  • Mahri Beneda
    Mahri Beneda 16 дней назад

    They should pot you in the garbage ,you are the most disappointing person ever.

  • BaldingClamydia
    BaldingClamydia 19 дней назад

    Vol. 42? Hitchhiker's Guide reference, or have you done this 42 times?

  • fclavijo
    fclavijo Месяц назад

    It had been too long. But at least he did have scotch.

  • jenbdiamond
    jenbdiamond Месяц назад

    Stephen and I have the same green been casserole recipe!

  • Ivone de Figueiredo
    Ivone de Figueiredo Месяц назад

    Judging from the comments, the sleeping 😴 one hit home for many, myself included. Depression must be affecting many people. Perhaps it’s just the seasonal increase but the last couple of years have been rather trying.

  • Tamie Miller
    Tamie Miller Месяц назад

    Stephen lol you're a bad bad Catholic!

  • DJcyberslash
    DJcyberslash Месяц назад

    His least funny video I have ever seen from him.

  • Deathnote2539
    Deathnote2539 Месяц назад

    I told your priest and your mom for you.

  • Surfer Rosa
    Surfer Rosa Месяц назад

    I didn't get the can of fried onions as recipe for green pea casserole... what's the joke?

  • DoctorHver
    DoctorHver Месяц назад

    Steven there is much better confessing to us than preasts.

  • Ia Faye Sison
    Ia Faye Sison Месяц назад

    Forgive me father, but I take personal offense to the wrong pronunciation of Nevada

  • david  boat
    david boat Месяц назад

    your sins are forgiven son

  • lockergr
    lockergr Месяц назад

    Top notch writing here!

  • Tenacious Dmitchell
    Tenacious Dmitchell Месяц назад

    Jolly good show old boy...

  • Cher Strong
    Cher Strong Месяц назад

    Best confessions so far!!! Laughed heartily at every one. And... cheers, I’m with ya.

  • Seetiyan
    Seetiyan Месяц назад

    Man, this guy is always drinking on the job!
    You should use that in a future confession: "I only do these segments so I can get away with drinking on the job."

    • Youtube Guy
      Youtube Guy Месяц назад

      He already said that in one of the midnight confession back then

  • HairMak
    HairMak Месяц назад

    Was Wondering When we'd get another episode of midnight confessions!

  • Ken Roberts
    Ken Roberts Месяц назад

    straight to hell wit cha my boy!

  • JD Smith
    JD Smith Месяц назад

    hints of Steven Wright- wry observations

  • Tribute Channel
    Tribute Channel Месяц назад

    So thankful for you. 👏.

  • Linda Fitch
    Linda Fitch Месяц назад

    God these were some of the worst jokes i've ever heard

  • NuthinMuffins
    NuthinMuffins Месяц назад

    Best one yet, IMO

  • G
    G Месяц назад

    That was lame

  • Crispin Semmens
    Crispin Semmens Месяц назад

    3:20 - classy burp right there...

  • Colby B.
    Colby B. Месяц назад

    Bruh that sober joke had me on the floorr

  • Fisty Carrera
    Fisty Carrera Месяц назад +2

    how can a smart man be a practicing catholic?

  • Cecil Brooks
    Cecil Brooks Месяц назад

    How serious IS Colbert's drinking problem?

  • Eduardo Cuellar
    Eduardo Cuellar Месяц назад +1

    all these nonsensical sounding jokes are still an order of magnitude funnier than the jokes on seth meyers or fallon. veteran writers.

    • Luna Azule
      Luna Azule Месяц назад

      Thanks, I thought it was just me due to losing my sense of humor.

  • I Created An Account For This
    I Created An Account For This Месяц назад +3

    I confess, I like this

  • Megan G
    Megan G Месяц назад

    It’s pronounced Nevada

  • Bear with me
    Bear with me Месяц назад

    At least the audience doesn't make him say 20 Our Fathers and 12 hail Mary's. They always forgive him.

  • L G
    L G Месяц назад

    😃 As a former Catholic, confess to God alone! I enjoy your show, though.

  • Ricardo Garcia
    Ricardo Garcia Месяц назад +1

    HUNGRY FOR POWER GAMES

  • Liesbeth De Vries
    Liesbeth De Vries Месяц назад +3

    My grandma talked to her plants. Always thought there was a hidden agenda. Now I know. 😃

  • Yes I’m Blessed
    Yes I’m Blessed Месяц назад

    😹🤣😂

  • saultube44
    saultube44 Месяц назад +1

    Stephen: You drink because you're depressed, because you have emotional trauma, it's not only Donald Dumb Drumpf, but something in your life I think, meditate about it, and don't eat animal products but the produce you throw away, you'll lose those extra pounds and don't assimilate the feelings of those mistreated animals, which emotions you're feeling because of the chemical that are produced because of the mistreatment are in the animal products you eat, wishing you the best, hero without cape, I salute you

  • Jody Schwieger
    Jody Schwieger Месяц назад

    Stephanie Colbert's midnight man crush confessions :-) #colbertmancrushontrump #hypocriticalsellout #oneweirdear

  • Patricia A
    Patricia A Месяц назад +1

    I love this segment. Do the Big Furry Hat next.

  • Elaine Oliver
    Elaine Oliver Месяц назад

    Lmao

  • Maxim Daigle
    Maxim Daigle Месяц назад +6

    I gagged at Romaine gravy

  • MomoTheBellyDancer
    MomoTheBellyDancer Месяц назад

    "I'm a practicing Catholic"
    Well, nobody's perfect.

  • Rae Lynn
    Rae Lynn Месяц назад

    I love this segment, but it always makes me wonder if Mr. Colbert writes all these himself or if most or all are done by other writers on the show.

  • MrZeeshawn
    MrZeeshawn Месяц назад

    I like Colbert confessions. He should do more. Refreshing!

  • BookwormSkates
    BookwormSkates Месяц назад +1

    promoting alcoholism, promoting a self-harming diet. thumbs down from me.

  • grytlappar
    grytlappar Месяц назад +1

    You're supposed to talk to your plants; the CO2 you breathe out is good for them! 🌱🙂

  • dreaminginnoother
    dreaminginnoother Месяц назад +16

    I only trust succulents. The other plants are all filthy snitches.

  • Ramon Cabral
    Ramon Cabral Месяц назад

    channeling your inner demetri martin?

  • Emily Eldridge
    Emily Eldridge Месяц назад +8

    Farther, forgive me for I have sinned, I have this massive crush on Stephen Colbert and I so wanna just kiss him on the lips. This is secret between me and you and Stephen can never find out about this okay Father.

  • sakcee
    sakcee Месяц назад

    This was a good one

  • Maribel Martinez
    Maribel Martinez Месяц назад +1

    Get in the car, we're going sleeping 😴

  • Rennis Tora
    Rennis Tora Месяц назад

    Oof, that second last one.

  • silverpurkat
    silverpurkat Месяц назад

    Once they make self driving cars I will never be sober again! OMG. I am SO screwed. 🤪😵

  • Commenter Person
    Commenter Person Месяц назад +1

    _John __3:16__ "I don't care..." -- Stephen Colbert_
    ;)

  • Sara Duncan
    Sara Duncan Месяц назад

    That had to be the most depressingly funny thing I've ever watched. 😅😥

  • Os O
    Os O Месяц назад

    Stephen Colbert sold his soul to the Jews

  • Anthony Loos
    Anthony Loos Месяц назад

    Dammit Stephen! I hope at least one of your confessions is actually true in real life. That gives me hope 🤪

  • OhCrap247
    OhCrap247 Месяц назад

    What exactly is Apple Picking? He asked instead of googleing cuz why fucking not?

  • rey R
    rey R Месяц назад

    About time!!

  • scarletspidernz
    scarletspidernz Месяц назад

    0:19 Hand gesture guy and shoulder shrug scarf girl were the only interesting ones this time.

  • MissHMSilk
    MissHMSilk Месяц назад

    Delivered in a very Stephen Wright sort of way... 😉👍🏻

  • Ichijo Festival
    Ichijo Festival Месяц назад

    I think... I think we need to stage an intervention for Stephen.

  • Natasha J. Carrasco Stillman
    Natasha J. Carrasco Stillman Месяц назад

    Nevahhhda or Nevaaaaaaada. i don't care. #gold

  • Pamela Bergner
    Pamela Bergner Месяц назад

    "In my midnite confessions..."

  • Nicholas Salamone
    Nicholas Salamone Месяц назад

    I wish I never had to be sober again.

  • Graham Palmer
    Graham Palmer Месяц назад

    Hey Stephen I'm a true fan of the show but am curious, and to be honest a little confused, as to why you keep referring to yourself as a practising catholic. Especially since you also tell us that you DON'T go to church every sunday and participate in the Holy Mass. How can that be so? All the practising catholics I know do go to church, religiously, every sunday. If you didn't repeatedly make a point of telling your audience that you're a 'practising' catholic, it wouldn't matter so much, to me anyway. I heard you say it again at the start of this video and on this occasion I thought I'd ask you to inform us how you rationalise the two statements re: practising your catholic faith and not going to Holy Mass every sunday. According to those who know better than I (practising catholics), having other commitments isn't a weekly "get out of jail free" card. ps haven't seen God there for a while, is he ok? I miss the old guy!

    • James Horn
      James Horn Месяц назад

      He's a practicing Catholic because he hasn't quite got it right yet.

  • Bill Mills
    Bill Mills Месяц назад

    Omg! Is Steven Wright writing for you now? Funny stuff. One of your best 'Confessions'!

  • Thomas Burns
    Thomas Burns Месяц назад

    Stephen (Wright) Colbert

  • sonictheporcipine
    sonictheporcipine Месяц назад

    The audience is always so forgiving.

  • sdfkjgh
    sdfkjgh Месяц назад

    1:39 If they ever do a live-action movie of Morel Orel, I hereby nominate Stephen Colbert to play Clay Puppington.

  • sdfkjgh
    sdfkjgh Месяц назад

    0:54 Is it just me, or is that organ playing the opening notes of Freebird?

  • Hendrikjandespeelman
    Hendrikjandespeelman Месяц назад

    Stephen,
    no god in any heaven would forgive you for putting ice in your scotch.

  • ntm4
    ntm4 Месяц назад

    That first one is so me.
    Also I'm glad this segment is back, probably my favorite Late Show bit.

  • David Frison
    David Frison Месяц назад

    I stole 2 granny Smith apples today... Man that felt good to get out.it was weighing heavily on my conscience and I had a heavy heart about it all day ..i paid for 4 of them..but I just felt a sense of entitlement at the time soldiers of fortune I guess LMAO.. And I'll sleep better tonight

  • sally forth
    sally forth Месяц назад

    Ahhh Stephen. I knew you were one of us. The little people. The weeeeee folk. Fairy? Is fairy not a compliment anymore. Little green men safer nowadays. Happy thanksgiving. When I say my apple watch is telling me what to do, they say I am crazy. Lolol.

  • sally kilby
    sally kilby Месяц назад

    We forgive you Stephen, brilliant, you could also have The Band members joining in as well as the guests.💞✌😂👏

  • Scott Barber
    Scott Barber Месяц назад +1

    How about Nev-ay-da Missouri ???

  • Madame Chairwoman
    Madame Chairwoman Месяц назад

    Every time Stephen “drinks” on the show, I always want and wish it to be real bourbon. A mischievous smile comes to my face hoping it’s real liquor. 😁

  • Autumn
    Autumn Месяц назад

    Depressing!

  • Student Loans Are Cool
    Student Loans Are Cool Месяц назад +1

    When i confessed the preast would say ok thats long enough, and you are supposed to whisper!

  • babbar123
    babbar123 Месяц назад

    See liberalism or inclusive-ism doesn’t mean being areligious.
    I respect Colbert for proudly wearing his faith and also being a voice of reason and inclusion.
    He is antithesis to the Fox douchbagry and KKK fuckery which has destroyed the face of religion in the USA.

  • David Kempton
    David Kempton Месяц назад

    I love Steven, but have a concern that he may be encouraging a troubling trend - instead of Casual Friday , we get Bring Your Bottle To Work Mondays...

  • JERRY RICHARDSON
    JERRY RICHARDSON Месяц назад +5

    I agree with other commentators, these are the best confessions in a while.

  • Zsuzsa Daczo
    Zsuzsa Daczo Месяц назад +9

    the 26 dislikes are from Nevada

    • Deipatrous
      Deipatrous Месяц назад +1

      OMG, that makes all of them!

    • Fabian Real
      Fabian Real Месяц назад +1

      Zsuzsa Daczo Neva-Duh

  • Spartaka Pinto
    Spartaka Pinto Месяц назад

    LOL

  • Leo Miles
    Leo Miles Месяц назад

    Was there really a difference between his 2 Nevadas ? english is weird

    • pete knicks
      pete knicks Месяц назад

      Like, ni'veade, vs., ni'vade, it's mostly an west vs. east difference, and sorry, my pad doesn't have the proper phonetic transcription keys. Anyway, I too am wondering whether the cops care, when they are questioning the the hemp plants...

  • aardlord
    aardlord Месяц назад

    It's been too long since the last SCMC. Easily the funniest bit on the whole show.

  • Viran Victus
    Viran Victus Месяц назад +2

    Pitcher plants have such big mouths

  • ForTheSakeOf SanityAndSuch
    ForTheSakeOf SanityAndSuch Месяц назад +3

    Sometimes, i just want to sleep for the rest of my life. Other times, im asleep. 🤣 so true

  • Straw Berry
    Straw Berry Месяц назад

    LMFAO

  • Andrew Page
    Andrew Page Месяц назад

    Hey, I'm from Nevada. It's pronounced the second way you said it.

  • Hans Warjone
    Hans Warjone Месяц назад

    Aaaa! A car with a full bar and despensery. The future.

  • c0mpu73rguy
    c0mpu73rguy Месяц назад +3

    Drinking alcohol on live TV. That's the spirit!


    Get it? Drinking... Alcohol... Spirit... Joke dead, moving on!

  • Kassie MacMillan
    Kassie MacMillan Месяц назад +7

    As a Nevadan....I approve 😂🤣😭

  • Amin Limbu
    Amin Limbu Месяц назад

    😂😂😂😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • Leldon Rodgers
    Leldon Rodgers Месяц назад

    I forgive you for blatantly disrespecting my President every night for two yrs

    • Brian H
      Brian H Месяц назад +1

      He is not asking for forgiveness for that. That is something that needs to happen every night so people like you can see how incompetent and shady trump is. You idiots still refuse to see it though.

  • ann Gillespie
    ann Gillespie Месяц назад +38

    Omg I love midnight confession, happy thanksgiving to Stephen Colbert, his family and staff at the late show 😎😍😁

  • S.M. Carrière
    S.M. Carrière Месяц назад +1

    I missed these!

  • ursaltydog
    ursaltydog Месяц назад

    New holiday song.. "If you like it then you should've put a bow on it".... best birth control and STD prevention ever for short winkies like Trump's..

  • Steve Jarvis
    Steve Jarvis Месяц назад

    Ahh midnight confessions, my favorite. I also miss the Tuck Buckford skits.