How to speak up when you feel like you can’t | Adam Galinsky | TEDxNewYork

  • Опубликовано: 1 дек 2016
  • We all experience moments when it's hard to speak up - whether it's at work, in our relationships, or out in a public with a stranger. Business psychologist Adam Galinsky shows research and shares helpful tips on how to find your voice when it matters most, and to advocate for others who need it.
    Adam Galinsky is the chair of the management department at Columbia Business School. He thinks deeply about how we work with and against one another to achieve our goals.

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Комментарии • 73

  • Delphine du Toit
    Delphine du Toit 5 часов назад

    This man's examples are so full of unconscious sexist bias, as he puts forward his arguments that I'm unfortunately finding it not of any use in referring it to my clients.

  • Maija Wickstrom
    Maija Wickstrom 15 дней назад +1

    The range of acceptability includes the expectations of people,
    who think it is their job to keep you inside their perceived range of acceptability,
    while being extremely contradictionary to their own claimed range and
    dismissing your testimony, silencing your voice and
    punishing you, by sabotaging your life with theft, lies and deception.
    While claiming that justice has been served and exalt themselves as the fulfiller of justice by the ordination of torment
    for something you did not do,
    longer than the civil laws would have convicted you for the alleged crime, never admitting they made a mistake. But punishing you further for their unreasonability, not bowing down to their false reality construct.

  • Alexandra Almanzar
    Alexandra Almanzar 17 дней назад

    This n*gga boring.

  • Murni Mohammad
    Murni Mohammad Месяц назад

    Talking is easy. Doing it in real life is difficult.

  • Islam Abdulwahab
    Islam Abdulwahab Месяц назад +1

    I didn't think that someone would answer such a question, don't know why
    It is a big problem in my life now and he answered it excellently!!
    Thank you very much

  • diggideimer
    diggideimer Месяц назад +2

    interesting speech but his voice is just unbearable

    • M Oliveira
      M Oliveira 14 дней назад +1

      Seems without passion, and yes with depression.

  • Viet Hoang
    Viet Hoang 2 месяца назад

    Đây là comment mà các bạn có thể phản hồi và tương tác.

  • Salmah Mohamed
    Salmah Mohamed 2 месяца назад

    Great talk! :) :)

  • Claudia Vlahović
    Claudia Vlahović 2 месяца назад


  • nheme87
    nheme87 2 месяца назад +4

    I was told by a former coworker from my former workplace that I was hands down the most likable guy they ever had working there. Makes some sense now as I often asked people about advice about everything.. Where to get my car fixed, what to make for dinner, how to pack for traveling, what to do if this and that was leaking etc.

    • Tainá Amora
      Tainá Amora 13 дней назад +2

      +Rustin Stardust i feel that is So hard to find true friendship. People often make frindship with whom they believe can offer them something.

    • Rustin Stardust
      Rustin Stardust 2 месяца назад +4

      I ask people's advice often...but they seem to take this as me being weak and timid. And then they become arrogant and start giving me unsolicited advice anytime I open my mouth. I'm wondering what I'm doing which is different from your approach...

  • tkh1001
    tkh1001 2 месяца назад +3

    Dude explaining speech like chemistry

  • Patricia Kuzmicz
    Patricia Kuzmicz 2 месяца назад +11

    Unfortunately, many get dismissive and unsupportive when they see this fire & light in you. They get envious and want you to stoop to their level...thank you so much for this wonderful speech!!

    • Rustin Stardust
      Rustin Stardust 2 месяца назад +1

      I try to take this as a sign that the person is too insecure and will only be toxic toward me. Avoid 😱

  • Jasmine Reyes
    Jasmine Reyes 2 месяца назад +1

    Is it just me or does he sound like Lin Manuel Miranda? Anybody?

  • Rudyspective 1
    Rudyspective 1 2 месяца назад +28

    Something about his speech bothers me; first, I couldn’t help but feel he’s dismissing the problem women have about speaking up and being assertive and second, it seems that what he’s advising is be altruistic and seek other’s help and approval to be able to say what needs to be said, which is contradictory. Being able to speak on your behalf should be based on your confidence in your expertise and experience and to be strong in your stance. Wether you get rejected or not is beside the point, at least you spoke up.

    • rachid lasfar
      rachid lasfar 20 дней назад

      At work place it works especially when u deal with people who have a higher position or power, in business it help for sure.
      Its all about to know with who u are dealing with and prepare ur self to satisfy his needs if u really care to get urs from him

    • Betsy Rosalen
      Betsy Rosalen 25 дней назад +1

      Totally agree, he is way to dismissive of the problems women face when trying to be assertive. Nothing he said is going to change the sexist attitude's that others will impose on you and change how powerful you seem in their eyes and expand your acceptable range. He assumes that because we expand our own range when we advocate for others that makes the difference, but I think that it's actually an expansion in others' eyes that happens when women advocate for others, because it's what's socially expected and socially acceptable behavior for women. So other's acceptance of this type of behavior from women is what expands your range in that scenario.

    • Rudyspective 1
      Rudyspective 1 2 месяца назад +1

      rov workshop ; but that’s exactly the point though. Wether your opinion is accepted or rejected, at least you spoke up. Isn’t that the reason of standing up for yourself, to be assertive of your point of view and be confident enough to back up on it? You have to be assertive, male or female, and believe that you have as the right as the other person, regardless of status or power or position.

    • rov workshop
      rov workshop 2 месяца назад +3

      i think you misunderstood his stand. first is that he does not dismiss the problem but say women problem is boiling down to Low power perspective. As people see woman as less powerful or women see themselves as less powerful. Second, he doesn't advising about you need to get people approval to speak up. In your example, even though you spoke up, you wouldn't achieve anything beside satisfying you own self pride. the reason why people want to speak up is to change someone point of view, to change something. Hence, using the tool he suggest, people would give you more power and willingly to accept your point of view or advise. Hence, he might have been come across as you have to seek people approval to speak something. but it boiling down to if people to accept your stand, your offer or just rejected it and you would better say nothing at all.

  • Miriam Cassar
    Miriam Cassar 2 месяца назад

    Thank you Adam. Great talk and valuable advice.

  • Richard Brook
    Richard Brook 2 месяца назад +6

    How did you get that jacket made? Obviously a bespoke creation and a wonderful one!

    • Sheila A. Burke
      Sheila A. Burke Месяц назад

      Yes, it's beautiful!

    • i
      i 2 месяца назад

      he dyed and stitched a picnic blanket

  • Faisal Hassan
    Faisal Hassan 3 месяца назад

    Deep ..

  • deebadubbie
    deebadubbie 3 месяца назад +1

    Great insights!

  • Lavender Violet
    Lavender Violet 4 месяца назад +36

    my biggest fear: I will live and die alone; forever without true love and real friendships.

    • Reshma
      Reshma 11 дней назад

      Thank you

    • Reshma
      Reshma 11 дней назад +1

      Feel the fear and is very normal...and the fear will start fading away.👐god bless..

    • mousawi SHAYEB
      mousawi SHAYEB 18 дней назад

      Hey you are fearing this while am living it

    • Mistu Mukherjee
      Mistu Mukherjee 28 дней назад

      Can i give u a suggestion? Write down ur fear somewhere n allow urself to be scared n tell urself, its okay to be scared. Then write down below it.... I would really love n enjoy the idea of me being surrounded by a supportive n a caring spouse......n what u wish...Read d second line till u feel good....n allow urself to be fearful n try to be in peace with being fearful rather than panicking wen that fear arises. Try this, to check if this helps u.
      I realized recently that negative emotions r like adamant child who stops bothering after getting acknowledged.

    • Muhammad Ashraf PV
      Muhammad Ashraf PV Месяц назад


  • osas Obaseki
    osas Obaseki 6 месяцев назад

    R.I.P to your father 🤧💯

  • Neo Chen
    Neo Chen 6 месяцев назад +7

    What can I do if I feel like when I listen to someone's passion I just don't care and feel like I don't want to listen to them?

    • Tina S
      Tina S 2 месяца назад +1

      Just be honest: Sorry I am not interested. And leave. I have to concentrate on my own life.

  • Monica Sancio Vegan Fit Motivation
    Monica Sancio Vegan Fit Motivation 7 месяцев назад +8

    When you use these tools, you expand your range of acceptable behavior & your days will be mostly JOYFUL! Thank you, Adam, great talk! Cheers!

    ARUN KUMAR SRINIVASAIAH 8 месяцев назад

    Wow amazing, One of the best talks!

  • Traci Johnson
    Traci Johnson 8 месяцев назад

    Very good! Makes sense!

  • The Anon Express
    The Anon Express 9 месяцев назад

    Timing is everything

  • 栗田美佐夫
    栗田美佐夫 9 месяцев назад


  • Stress Reliever
    Stress Reliever 9 месяцев назад +2

    I'm the 1000th like!

    • Alexia neves
      Alexia neves Месяц назад

      That profile you have till this day, my dad and I make fun of each other using that face lol!!

  • Nolram Poocs
    Nolram Poocs 10 месяцев назад

    You become a parent and you freak out? What a Whuzzzzzzzzz... hahaha

  • blackfen1x
    blackfen1x 11 месяцев назад

    Полезно, спасибо за перевод

  • Alessandro Alessandro
    Alessandro Alessandro 11 месяцев назад +1

    Крутой мужик

  • Roony
    Roony Год назад +6

    Takeaway: It's all about perspective.

  • Nikita Giri
    Nikita Giri Год назад

    Simply WOW!!

  • jamshed anwar
    jamshed anwar Год назад +1

    Seek advice from others humbly, expand your boundaries etc. are the statements spoken by you are really good to come strangers from their comfort zone and to be recognized

  • Scott Davis
    Scott Davis Год назад +22

    The games we play are ridiculous...

  • Steve Lee
    Steve Lee Год назад +2

    I wished I knew abt this long time ago.

  • funitude
    funitude Год назад +1

    what a moron

    • Wenwen Xu
      Wenwen Xu 27 дней назад

      Take respective,get strong allies,get passion

    • Allison Roll
      Allison Roll Год назад +3

      I disagree.

  • BlackSilhouette
    BlackSilhouette Год назад +7

    Conformist yields conformist
    Rebels yield rebels
    You have to change into a into a rebel but that is kinda hard not only because of your parents but just because you will get ridiculed into submission

  • rbaleksandar
    rbaleksandar Год назад +1

    I did the E-test correct (wrote the mirrored one with my finger on the forehead). Will I get a cookie? Anyone? Please...
    Joke aside - great speech. Learned a lot.

  • Sebastien Mills
    Sebastien Mills Год назад

    thank you !! :)

  • Smonovc
    Smonovc Год назад +1

    very good

  • RDesigns Hazen
    RDesigns Hazen Год назад

    🎶2 My Ears 👂
    have benefited anyone who has viewed their topic of choice
    MORE importantly it is NOT
    WHAT We Ever Will SAY

    La impresionante
    La tonelada
    La iñflectioñ y la MEAÑIÑG
    the impression
    the tone
    the inflection AñD the
    Definitively Determine
    Destination of Outcomes
    Bravo to the man who is Brave Enough to tell the world
    MAY 10th 2017
    Wednesday afternoon iñ NY

  • Shewit Abraham
    Shewit Abraham Год назад +1

    Such a great speech. Thank you.

  • Marcelle Smit
    Marcelle Smit 2 года назад


  • Daniel Surman
    Daniel Surman 2 года назад +1

    This is a great speech on negotiating. A few takeaways.

  • Toni Mcginley
    Toni Mcginley 2 года назад +1

    Excellent Talk

  • Dazfast
    Dazfast 2 года назад +3

    The word is advocate with a "D" ;-)

    • Nelli Harshita
      Nelli Harshita 2 месяца назад +1

      But it sounded cool.."aVocate" ;P

  • Lou Eckert
    Lou Eckert 2 года назад +3

    Great insight--thanks!

    • Tharun Jain
      Tharun Jain 2 года назад +2

      Lou Eckert But I have still not figured out

  • DonDadaDeeski
    DonDadaDeeski 2 года назад +1

    That was awesome!!!

  • Tamara Ott
    Tamara Ott 2 года назад +2

    Are they any articles published on that subject yet?