How to speak up when you feel like you can’t | Adam Galinsky | TEDxNewYork

  • Published on Dec 1, 2016
  • We all experience moments when it's hard to speak up - whether it's at work, in our relationships, or out in a public with a stranger. Business psychologist Adam Galinsky shows research and shares helpful tips on how to find your voice when it matters most, and to advocate for others who need it.
    Adam Galinsky is the chair of the management department at Columbia Business School. He thinks deeply about how we work with and against one another to achieve our goals.

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 96

  • LinYouToo
    LinYouToo 5 days ago +1

    Interesting points however I don’t agree with his assessment about the differences between men and women and the power differential which results either going unnoticed or rejected. As long as we live in a patriarchal society we will always experience sexism and double standards. I have been fortunate to work for some of the most incredible and enlightened male bosses ever. I’ve also worked for some who were small and dismissive. On the one hand we have to be self-aware as to how we are coming across when we speak up. Assuming we have done the work to make sure we are to the point, respectful, open, intentional, etc. then how we are received or perceived really is on the other person. Many people are too insecure to handle people speaking up especially a woman speaking up with assertiveness. While others are open and accommodating and genuinely interested. There is no doubt that women are held to a very different standard which is not comprehended in this talk.

  • Sweet Shay
    Sweet Shay 16 days ago +1

    Great talk

  • Arash Akrami
    Arash Akrami Month ago +5

    bullet-points from this excellent talk (on how to expand your range of acceptable behavior):
    - take perspective
    - signal flexibility
    - gain allies
    - ask others for advice
    - display expertise
    - show passion

  • ihategoogle
    ihategoogle Month ago +2

    Oh, one is allowed to advocate for others, provided they're minorities and non-Christians, but woe betide anyone who dares to criticize the above groups, then you'll be out of a job and doxxed by marxists.

  • Luce Verde
    Luce Verde 2 months ago

    Quadruple Bind if you're an Autistic woman.

  • paul mitchell
    paul mitchell 3 months ago +5

    Speak up on behalf of the powerless, then your conscience will be clear.

  • TheFinnmacool
    TheFinnmacool 3 months ago +1

    The first thing to do is get away from all the liberals and progressives. Those who ignore facts for the sake of their ideal should be avoided. It's called projected lunacy.

  • Lind95 MG
    Lind95 MG 3 months ago +3

    These tools are useless because we are now living in the days of dog eat dog. Too many of us have no good morals and could care less about someone's feelings. These days the only tools some of us resort to speaking up is with a gun and fist fight.

    • Paladium
      Paladium 12 days ago

      Yeah that's the right attitude. You're definitely not part of the problems you speak of. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

  • Sophia K
    Sophia K 4 months ago +4

    This is a great speech!

  • ali henderson
    ali henderson 4 months ago +3

    This was one of the most interesting and insightful talks I have ever seen. I really loved how it tapped into the perspectives of sociology and talked about sexism and used the ideas of Marxism to explain the behaviour of women in a certain situation. Then used this perpective for how we can speak up. I will defently being watching the again, Thank you.

  • m
    m 4 months ago +1

    Excellent & Insightful :) Thank you so much for sharing Adam!

  • C Heka
    C Heka 5 months ago +2


  • Delphine du Toit
    Delphine du Toit 5 months ago +2

    This man's examples are so full of unconscious sexist bias, as he puts forward his arguments that I'm unfortunately finding it not of any use in referring it to my clients.

  • Maija Wickstrom
    Maija Wickstrom 5 months ago +7

    The range of acceptability includes the expectations of people,
    who think it is their job to keep you inside their perceived range of acceptability,
    while being extremely contradictionary to their own claimed range and
    dismissing your testimony, silencing your voice and
    punishing you, by sabotaging your life with theft, lies and deception.
    While claiming that justice has been served and exalt themselves as the fulfiller of justice by the ordination of torment
    for something you did not do,
    longer than the civil laws would have convicted you for the alleged crime, never admitting they made a mistake. But punishing you further for their unreasonability, not bowing down to their false reality construct.

    • Michele
      Michele 4 months ago

      Maija Wickstrom spot on!

  • Alexandra Almanzar
    Alexandra Almanzar 5 months ago

    This n*gga boring.

  • Murni Mohammad
    Murni Mohammad 6 months ago

    Talking is easy. Doing it in real life is difficult.

  • Islam Abdulwahab
    Islam Abdulwahab 6 months ago +5

    I didn't think that someone would answer such a question, don't know why
    It is a big problem in my life now and he answered it excellently!!
    Thank you very much

  • diggideimer
    diggideimer 7 months ago +3

    interesting speech but his voice is just unbearable

    • M Oliveira
      M Oliveira 5 months ago +1

      Seems without passion, and yes with depression.

  • Viet Hoang
    Viet Hoang 7 months ago +2

    Đây là comment mà các bạn có thể phản hồi và tương tác.

  • Salmah Mohamed
    Salmah Mohamed 7 months ago

    Great talk! :) :)

  • nheme87
    nheme87 7 months ago +7

    I was told by a former coworker from my former workplace that I was hands down the most likable guy they ever had working there. Makes some sense now as I often asked people about advice about everything.. Where to get my car fixed, what to make for dinner, how to pack for traveling, what to do if this and that was leaking etc.

    • Rustin Stardust
      Rustin Stardust 12 days ago +1

      @Paladium I've since stopped asking others for advice unless I absolutely have to or know for sure they're a good authority on the subject. And yes - that inferiority complex! I try to remind myself often that they do this because they're insecure, and I shouldn't let myself become insecure because of them.

    • Paladium
      Paladium 12 days ago +1

      @Rustin Stardust I have the same exact problem and it's given me an inferiority complex. I hate it.

    • Váleri Calhau
      Váleri Calhau 5 months ago +3

      @Rustin Stardust i feel that is So hard to find true friendship. People often make frindship with whom they believe can offer them something.

    • Rustin Stardust
      Rustin Stardust 7 months ago +6

      I ask people's advice often...but they seem to take this as me being weak and timid. And then they become arrogant and start giving me unsolicited advice anytime I open my mouth. I'm wondering what I'm doing which is different from your approach...

  • tkh1001
    tkh1001 7 months ago +7

    Dude explaining speech like chemistry

  • Patricia Kuzmicz
    Patricia Kuzmicz 7 months ago +43

    Unfortunately, many get dismissive and unsupportive when they see this fire & light in you. They get envious and want you to stoop to their level...thank you so much for this wonderful speech!!

    • skyler belle
      skyler belle 5 days ago

      Work off their energy and when you begin to see that envy become more humble and weak lol (but have the same amount of passion)

    • Rustin Stardust
      Rustin Stardust 7 months ago +3

      I try to take this as a sign that the person is too insecure and will only be toxic toward me. Avoid 😱

  • Jasmine Reyes
    Jasmine Reyes 7 months ago +2

    Is it just me or does he sound like Lin Manuel Miranda? Anybody?

  • Rudyspective 1
    Rudyspective 1 7 months ago +34

    Something about his speech bothers me; first, I couldn’t help but feel he’s dismissing the problem women have about speaking up and being assertive and second, it seems that what he’s advising is be altruistic and seek other’s help and approval to be able to say what needs to be said, which is contradictory. Being able to speak on your behalf should be based on your confidence in your expertise and experience and to be strong in your stance. Wether you get rejected or not is beside the point, at least you spoke up.

    • Landon Schertz
      Landon Schertz 5 days ago

      You sound biased since you obviously took offense to his evidence-based conclusion that what people erroneously write off as gender bias has to do with personality characteristics. Enjoy your faux-chauvinism

    • rachid lasfar
      rachid lasfar 5 months ago

      At work place it works especially when u deal with people who have a higher position or power, in business it help for sure.
      Its all about to know with who u are dealing with and prepare ur self to satisfy his needs if u really care to get urs from him

    • Betsy Rosalen
      Betsy Rosalen 5 months ago +3

      Totally agree, he is way to dismissive of the problems women face when trying to be assertive. Nothing he said is going to change the sexist attitude's that others will impose on you and change how powerful you seem in their eyes and expand your acceptable range. He assumes that because we expand our own range when we advocate for others that makes the difference, but I think that it's actually an expansion in others' eyes that happens when women advocate for others, because it's what's socially expected and socially acceptable behavior for women. So other's acceptance of this type of behavior from women is what expands your range in that scenario.

    • Rudyspective 1
      Rudyspective 1 7 months ago +2

      rov workshop ; but that’s exactly the point though. Wether your opinion is accepted or rejected, at least you spoke up. Isn’t that the reason of standing up for yourself, to be assertive of your point of view and be confident enough to back up on it? You have to be assertive, male or female, and believe that you have as the right as the other person, regardless of status or power or position.

  • Miriam Cassar
    Miriam Cassar 7 months ago +2

    Thank you Adam. Great talk and valuable advice.

  • Richard Brook
    Richard Brook 7 months ago +7

    How did you get that jacket made? Obviously a bespoke creation and a wonderful one!

    • Sheila A. Burke
      Sheila A. Burke 6 months ago

      Yes, it's beautiful!

    • i
      i 7 months ago

      he dyed and stitched a picnic blanket

  • Faisal Hassan
    Faisal Hassan 8 months ago +2

    Deep ..

  • deebadubbie
    deebadubbie 8 months ago +1

    Great insights!

  • Lavender Violet
    Lavender Violet 9 months ago +82

    my biggest fear: I will live and die alone; forever without true love and real friendships.

    • Ex0tic Br4d
      Ex0tic Br4d Month ago

      I am sure i will die alone

    • Dice Suki
      Dice Suki 2 months ago

      @Mistu Mukherjee how can i feel the fear? Its not fading away.. do you have any suggestions that you can give me? How many times i accept it it still scares me.. idunno

    • Luis Bernia
      Luis Bernia 3 months ago +1

      Jesus loves you

    • Opinion is like an A-hole,you got it too
      Opinion is like an A-hole,you got it too 4 months ago +1

      Lavender Violet everyone is alone In this life,so don’t expect everyone to drop everything to come and chear u up.

    • Reshma
      Reshma 5 months ago

      Thank you

  • osas Obaseki
    osas Obaseki 11 months ago +5

    R.I.P to your father 🤧💯

  • Neo Chen
    Neo Chen 11 months ago +8

    What can I do if I feel like when I listen to someone's passion I just don't care and feel like I don't want to listen to them?

    • LinYouToo
      LinYouToo 5 days ago

      Neo Chen when there is a pause in there talking say this: “ what I hear you saying is that you really care a lot about ____ and you’re really passionate about _____.” Then give it to a new topic or talk about something you’re passionate about. I have found the best way to get out of one of these discussions is to acknowledge what they have told you with sincerity and then move along.

    • Tina S
      Tina S 7 months ago

      Just be honest: Sorry I am not interested. And leave. I have to concentrate on my own life.

  • Monica Sancio
    Monica Sancio Year ago +25

    When you use these tools, you expand your range of acceptable behavior & your days will be mostly JOYFUL! Thank you, Adam, great talk! Cheers!


    Wow amazing, One of the best talks!

  • Traci Johnson
    Traci Johnson Year ago +2

    Very good! Makes sense!

  • The Rising Tide
    The Rising Tide Year ago

    Timing is everything

  • 栗田美佐夫
    栗田美佐夫 Year ago +1


  • Zach P
    Zach P Year ago +1

    I'm the 1000th like!

    • Alexia neves
      Alexia neves 6 months ago

      That profile you have till this day, my dad and I make fun of each other using that face lol!!

  • Nolram Poocs
    Nolram Poocs Year ago +1

    You become a parent and you freak out? What a Whuzzzzzzzzz... hahaha

  • blackfen1x
    blackfen1x Year ago +1

    Полезно, спасибо за перевод

  • Alessandro Alessandro

    Крутой мужик

  • Roony
    Roony Year ago +9

    Takeaway: It's all about perspective.

  • Nikita Giri
    Nikita Giri Year ago +2

    Simply WOW!!

  • jamshed anwar
    jamshed anwar Year ago +3

    Seek advice from others humbly, expand your boundaries etc. are the statements spoken by you are really good to come strangers from their comfort zone and to be recognized

  • Scott Davis
    Scott Davis Year ago +37

    The games we play are ridiculous...

  • Steve Lee
    Steve Lee Year ago +4

    I wished I knew abt this long time ago.

  • funitude
    funitude Year ago +1

    what a moron

    • Wenwen Xu
      Wenwen Xu 5 months ago

      Take respective,get strong allies,get passion

    • Allison Roll
      Allison Roll Year ago +3

      I disagree.

  • BlackSilhouette
    BlackSilhouette 2 years ago +14

    Conformist yields conformist
    Rebels yield rebels
    You have to change into a into a rebel but that is kinda hard not only because of your parents but just because you will get ridiculed into submission

  • rbaleksandar
    rbaleksandar 2 years ago +4

    I did the E-test correct (wrote the mirrored one with my finger on the forehead). Will I get a cookie? Anyone? Please...
    Joke aside - great speech. Learned a lot.

  • Sebastien Mills
    Sebastien Mills 2 years ago +1

    thank you !! :)

  • Smonovc
    Smonovc 2 years ago +3

    very good

  • RDesigns Hazen
    RDesigns Hazen 2 years ago

    🎶2 My Ears 👂
    have benefited anyone who has viewed their topic of choice
    MORE importantly it is NOT
    WHAT We Ever Will SAY

    La impresionante
    La tonelada
    La iñflectioñ y la MEAÑIÑG
    the impression
    the tone
    the inflection AñD the
    Definitively Determine
    Destination of Outcomes
    Bravo to the man who is Brave Enough to tell the world
    MAY 10th 2017
    Wednesday afternoon iñ NY

  • Shewit Abraham
    Shewit Abraham 2 years ago +4

    Such a great speech. Thank you.

  • Marcelle Smit
    Marcelle Smit 2 years ago


  • Daniel Surman
    Daniel Surman 2 years ago +3

    This is a great speech on negotiating. A few takeaways.

  • Toni Mcginley
    Toni Mcginley 2 years ago +4

    Excellent Talk

  • Dazfast
    Dazfast 2 years ago +3

    The word is advocate with a "D" ;-)

  • Lou Eckert
    Lou Eckert 2 years ago +5

    Great insight--thanks!

    • Tharun Jain
      Tharun Jain 2 years ago +3

      Lou Eckert But I have still not figured out

  • DonDadaDeeski
    DonDadaDeeski 2 years ago +2

    That was awesome!!!

  • Tamara Ott
    Tamara Ott 2 years ago +4

    Are they any articles published on that subject yet?