The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

  • Published on Feb 7, 2013
  • In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 561

  • Ave Smugala
    Ave Smugala 6 days ago

    My Psychologist suggested this. I am so grateful for your discussion. Compassion is so important. Thank you 💚✨

  • CG Berry
    CG Berry 13 days ago

    I recommend this talk to many of my clients. Such an important concept in mental and physical health and happiness.

  • Doe 82
    Doe 82 24 days ago +2

    I recently self-harmed, and I knew I had to tell somebody, so I told my guidance counselor, and she told my dad. He was so supportive and kind about it, and didn't press too hard, but he gave me a book and told me about this video because I do have the toxic thoughts that I'm not good enough. I hope so badly this helps

  • ken Bullock
    ken Bullock 29 days ago

    Thank-you for sharing your research and ideas..... I appreciate it.....

  • Jennifer Higgins
    Jennifer Higgins Month ago

    I can't get past the clicking and popping (like Rice Krispies) of whatever dentures or dry mouth issue she has. I'm missing out on the important message and much-needed information!!!!

  • Elaine L. Rosas
    Elaine L. Rosas Month ago

    I love this! I watch this over and over and every time I learn something new! Thank you so much for your research

  • Alexandra Tolmie
    Alexandra Tolmie Month ago

    The whispering makes it unlistenable

  • simkyuyoung29
    simkyuyoung29 Month ago +1

    i hope transfer korean lang~
    l don't know detail ㅜ

  • Curious Carpenter
    Curious Carpenter 2 months ago

    The critical voice in our heads comes from our immediate caregivers. We internalize the critical parent when we are very young... just because you have kids doesn't mean you're a good parent.

  • Bonnie Stanfill
    Bonnie Stanfill 2 months ago

    This is everything I needed this morning. Thank you so much.

  • junemonique
    junemonique 2 months ago

    Thank you for your wise spread! I loved it and I will think about it.

  • Andrew Magee
    Andrew Magee 2 months ago

    This is brilliant!

  • Paola Vitali
    Paola Vitali 2 months ago

    What an inspiring talk Kristin, you rock!!!

  • joysblues
    joysblues 2 months ago

    People are prejudiced. Not "prejudice". You really have college education? Seriously?

  • Daven Mattacola
    Daven Mattacola 3 months ago

    Braaaah Sarah Silverman up in this

  • Genny LittleTreats
    Genny LittleTreats 3 months ago

    this is such a beautiful talk! It has the real potential of being life changing.

  • Valeria Mora
    Valeria Mora 3 months ago

    @TEDxTalks is there any chance to find this talk with Spanish subtitles? Please!

  • Christine Loh
    Christine Loh 3 months ago

    I'm touched by this video and I think I really need to practice self-compassion!

  • KG88 KiteGod
    KG88 KiteGod 3 months ago

    That whispering had me so fuckin paranoid

  • Max Jindal
    Max Jindal 5 months ago +1

    Great video!

  • Alex Omar
    Alex Omar 5 months ago

    her hair is goals; love it.

  • GodBlessYou2008
    GodBlessYou2008 5 months ago

    I am happy about that she does not speak like the current white house press secretary

  • Suzy Pyne
    Suzy Pyne 6 months ago

    Self-esteem is contingent on success.
    Self-compassion requires:
    Being as kind, gentle and encouraging to yourself as you would be to a good friend.
    Finding the common humanity - how am I the same as others?
    Mindfulness - acknowledge & validate what is there in the present moment.
    Self-criticism undermines motivation & may result in shutting down. However when we show ourselves compassion, when we feel safe & comforted we can find ourselves in the optimal mind state to do our best.
    Self-compassion is not self indulgent; the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we have available to give to others.
    Thank you, Kristin.

  • Aldo Gama
    Aldo Gama 7 months ago +2

    Even on comments we can see the concept of focus on negative...With so many amazing concepts said, we focus un the whispering on background. Not judging, I swear ahaba Just observing

    • Jennifer Higgins
      Jennifer Higgins Month ago

      some people have strong sensitivities to things like this .... and can't help it.

  • Aldo Gama
    Aldo Gama 7 months ago +1

    Watching again...and I Will watching How manuais times necessary. The concept of Self compassion it's Just magic

    Zaineb EL MOUTASSIM 7 months ago +1

    So informative and so touching! Thank you for this interesting talk 👍🏻

  • Kaien Dragon
    Kaien Dragon 8 months ago +2

    That was seriously the best talk I've ever heard from TED Talks, really changed my perspective on self esteem and self compassion! Thank you Kristin!

  • Allan Lindsley
    Allan Lindsley 8 months ago +1

    Very good, thanks.

  • Elhadj Diallo
    Elhadj Diallo 8 months ago +1

    to be frank with you , your episode sound Radical and phenomenal .... I wish you all the best in life .... will you marry baby even thought I don't know you ....

  • Holistic-Healing UK
    Holistic-Healing UK 8 months ago

    great talk.

  • Ian Winter
    Ian Winter 8 months ago +1

    This cleared a lot of old fears for me. I realize the most important thing that I have never given myself or others at times is compassion. Thank you so much I love this video!

  • Ling Jin
    Ling Jin 8 months ago

    Amazing talk, thank you Kristin! I am experiencing the problems you describe about self esteem and I am so glad to be aware enough to spot the scrip that has been unconsciously running in my head over the last few days! Your book is on my way and can't wait to read it. Thank you for your work, for sharing and for connecting us in the world x

  • Alek Kopulsky
    Alek Kopulsky 9 months ago

    Such a helpful message delivered in he most soothing, compassionate voice.

  • Abby Koop
    Abby Koop 9 months ago

    Although there was a lot of great information here, I think she maybe isn't quite clear on what self-esteem really is. It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else and certainly nothing to do with comparisons. Self-esteem is simply feeling good about matter what. And it comes from SELF....not anyone else, and absolutely not from putting others down. In fact I thought it a bit ironic that to promote her idea of self-compassion, she felt a need to put down self-esteem. Both can work hand in hand.

  • Kanako Premma
    Kanako Premma 9 months ago

    very nice !! I learn yoga for eating disorders. this idea is really good for body images and treating heart. Thank you Kristin.

  • Kea Michelle
    Kea Michelle 10 months ago

    random shot of audience clapping when they shouldn't have been.

  • Maria Panteli
    Maria Panteli 11 months ago +1

    To whom this may concern, can I translate the video from English to Greek? I am PhD student in Clinical Psychology.

  • Maria Laura Martina
    Maria Laura Martina 11 months ago +1

    What a courageous, brave and inspiring testimony!

  • Maria Laura Martina
    Maria Laura Martina 11 months ago

    Thank you very much for this life enriching conference. Blessings from Argentina.

  • All InOne
    All InOne 11 months ago +1

    Number of times she lied in this video: 0

  • Sher Khan
    Sher Khan Year ago +2

    So few ppl attended the talk. Wtf.

  • Najah Adreak
    Najah Adreak Year ago +1

    Wonderful presentation

  • Lynn Julian
    Lynn Julian Year ago +3

    Simple AND brilliant...worth watching, thank you!

  • Clifton Torrence
    Clifton Torrence Year ago

    OK? OK? OK?? stop saying OK? asking OK? rhetorically is bargaining for unnecessary agreement. You Are Beautiful !

  • king nick
    king nick Year ago

    Ha! Speak for yourself. Lol my self esteem was crushed all the way threw high school. Not until 11th grade did I actually start to develop some self worth. However it was only because I lost weight and got a GF

  • Soul Spa
    Soul Spa Year ago

    Her voice !💥

  • Blair Ashby
    Blair Ashby Year ago +1

    Thank you Kristin Neff. This is a beautiful message. It's wonderful you're helping more people learn this.

  • Liz Crittenden
    Liz Crittenden Year ago +1

    Thank you very much, it was the missing piece I needed.

  • Elkin Bilardo Márquez Fernández

    Is it available in spanish?

  • Jonathan Vermillion
    Jonathan Vermillion Year ago +1

    What a beautiful person

  • Radhika Narang
    Radhika Narang Year ago +2

    You are so graceful mam :)

  • June Kelso
    June Kelso Year ago

    Excellent speech. A lot of good information that I so want to research more. Thank you.

  • Nancy Lamb
    Nancy Lamb Year ago +1

    This is so important and I'm so grateful to be here...

  • Nancy Lamb
    Nancy Lamb Year ago +1

    Love this!

  • Leila Forissier
    Leila Forissier Year ago

    Hi, would there be a transcript of this by any chance?

  • Vanessa Summerfield

    I agree with her completely

  • Amparo Gonzalez
    Amparo Gonzalez Year ago

    Do we need techniques and steps to find ourselves? Or maybe some silence is needed to be along with ourselves. I liked her "mindfulness" concept about being in the present.

  • Mathew Wienbar
    Mathew Wienbar Year ago

    No to downplay the importance of self compassion, but she is mischaracterizing self esteem in this video. Self esteem is not a belief that you're better than others, it is belief that you are competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and that you are worthy of happiness. I think the self esteem movement that Dr. Nathaniel Branden started back in the day actually encompasses everything she's talking about here. Arrogance is a sign of low self esteem - her references to narcissism and self esteem are off base, people with high self esteem are happy being themselves and don't need to derive their happiness from feeling superior to others.

  • Lady H. Wotton
    Lady H. Wotton Year ago +1

    I respect Dr. Neff deeply. I loved her book about self-compassion, it changed my life. But I gotta be honest, her therapist-voice sets my teeth on edge.

  • Esra Baykal
    Esra Baykal Year ago +1

    Amazing, this video will help me a lot!

  • CleverCat
    CleverCat Year ago +3

    I think putting people down to feel better about yourself is defiantly not confined to Western culture (of the necessity to feel above average.)

  • Bonnie S
    Bonnie S Year ago +2

    "Luckily, we aren't just reptiles"
    *audience claps silently*

  • Bonnie S
    Bonnie S Year ago +1

    People, this talk was geared towards women because this was at a women's event....

  • Kathryn Moye
    Kathryn Moye Year ago

    Great ideas here! Thank you! Sad that men were excluded from the audience, though.

  • Nithisha jain
    Nithisha jain Year ago

    Woooow. My way of seeing things changed after watching this video. Self compassion. Thank you so much. That lady is so positive. Could receive the good vibes.

  • whatever noe
    whatever noe Year ago

    Gosh I’m feeling bad about myself as I loose my compassion towards that sound underneath her voice coming from her mouth movement ugh

  • kimberly jackson
    kimberly jackson Year ago


  • nein 3
    nein 3 Year ago


  • bendadestroyer
    bendadestroyer Year ago +1

    My religion IS better than yours.

  • ylmonkeyU2
    ylmonkeyU2 Year ago

    Thank you for this wonderful talk.

  • MrTcuk
    MrTcuk Year ago +2

    Narcissism can't be created in schools. It is an abuse that is generated at home. Trough self esteem can't be affected by external validation those people didn't have self esteem in first place.

  • Paul Lahi
    Paul Lahi Year ago +1

    You are a very kind soft spoken lady.

  • João Catalão
    João Catalão Year ago

    Thanks. Very good...

  • #1Lazer
    #1Lazer Year ago

    I am a very critical person, and I can say from experience- it not only steals my motivation, but the motivation of those who spend a lot of time with me. Very dangerous. Not proud of it, but I am recognizing a trend.
    Also mammals? Show me some proof that I am part reptile? As I'd have to be in order to "also be" something else.? Wait, I'm being critical... okay, I am very beautiful, some say cold blooded, I may have a forked tongue at times... wait, people again having a sense of self responsibility? Okay, I hope everyone watching this believes that, because we need it badly as a society!

  • Paul Thompson
    Paul Thompson Year ago

    Well worth spreding this info to all humanity...

  • malinie vongsouthi

    I can’t with the stirring of Mac n cheese sound!!!

  • Ian Lambert
    Ian Lambert Year ago +1

    Really needed to here this today being very judgmental of myself practices mindfulness with self compassion what a beautiful way of being, thank you.

  • karen arthur
    karen arthur Year ago +1

    Amazing. Was put off by the 19min and almost didn't give it my time. Glad I did. Great idea definitely worth spreading!

  • princess étoile
    princess étoile Year ago +1

    Absolutely right 👏👏👏👏

  • Asteri ETERNAL
    Asteri ETERNAL Year ago


  • Ramon Samson
    Ramon Samson Year ago +1

    Thank you. I've learned so much from your talk. Your message is heart felt.

  • Diginess Unknown
    Diginess Unknown Year ago +1

    Who's whispering by the camera? Rude. Ruined the video.

  • Abigail Lehman
    Abigail Lehman Year ago +1

    Is there a transcript anywhere of this talk?

  • beachhum
    beachhum Year ago

    Short summary - Self-compassion: relating to self kindly; as we are. 1)Self-kindness (encourage, patience, empathize); 2) Humanity (how am I the same as others, we are all imperfect); 3) mindfulness (accept/validate the present & feelings). Better mental health. Benefits of self-esteem without pitfalls.
    self-esteem: am I good person or bad person? Feelings of self-worth. High self-esteem in USA means above average (puff up and put others down; comparison). Lots of bullying/prejudice. Women told image is important.
    Self-criticism undermines motivation. Triggers Threat system (flight or fight); you become the attacker and the attacked; cause depression.
    Feel safe by Mammal system - warm, gentle touch, soft voice (feel safe and comforted). "What can I do to support you?"

  • Jay Jones
    Jay Jones Year ago

    Absolutely wonderful talk! Keep spreading did a great job...

  • Blue Star
    Blue Star Year ago


  • Lee Lesemann
    Lee Lesemann Year ago +1

    very insightful how she contrasts self-esteem vs. self-compassion

  • Hans Wollinga
    Hans Wollinga Year ago +1

    Is this ASMR?

  • Fred Schwentafsky

    White people in north america are fragile because they have manufactured a fake culture of superiority.

  • Ryan Fowler
    Ryan Fowler Year ago +1

    I can't give enough praise to this video! Imagine what kind of world we'd have if everyone knew and internalized what's in this video.

  • Nick Fortino
    Nick Fortino Year ago

    so many ted talks have mic's that are way too can hear the saliva sounds and it's distracting for me...
    Thanks for your work Kristin Neff!

  • Daniel Hulse
    Daniel Hulse Year ago

    I was never more peaceful with myself than when I began forgetting about me and remembering Jesus and what He's done for me. Jesus, thank you for picking up my cross and taking my shame. I can't wait to see Your face and behold my best Friend, face to face.

  • N.
    N. Year ago

    great speach!! I love how you open up yourself and bloome love!! great

  • Tim Dunk
    Tim Dunk Year ago

    Such memorable and lasting points - beautifully presented. A compassionate thank you, Kristin.

  • Katie Kat
    Katie Kat Year ago

    Now I understand why flash photography is forbidden when you go see a show. It messed up them filming it. I never understood the actual reason behind the rule.

  • Nisha Halai
    Nisha Halai Year ago

    Not quite my love. Judgemental thoughts that manifest as discrimination and prejudices are in the collective psyche that is our environment. Everyone is the epidemic until we become aware and start to make the unconscious conscious, from ignorance and fear, back to acceptance as love. You only need to read "Anti-Discriminatory Counselling Practice" by Colin Lago, Barbara Smith and friends, to understand what self-love really is, where it comes from, how it drives desires, and how our environment has systematically being subverted towards division, suppression and oppression. It's a social responsibility that starts with the individual becoming aware and perceptive to what it truly true and what is false.

  • anime2192
    anime2192 Year ago +1

    I'm only 2 minutes into the talk but the whispering is driving me crazy. I intend to finish the talk, it seems like a valuable message.
    This may not be the appropriate place to ask, but curiosity has got the better of me: Do people with schizophrenia whom say they "hear voices" hear it to this extent? Like this audible? I have always wondered

  • mary delaney
    mary delaney Year ago

    This presentation was so enlightening. We probably know deep down that receiving harsh criticism isn't motivating but how nice to hear that there is research to prove it. I want to hear more about the practice of self-compassion.

    AROMA DINIZ Year ago

    Thank u Kristin:)

  • Love Art Therapy Always

    Excellent! Thanks so much for sharing this... tis so true that when we share our stories with others in an authentic and candid way.. tis the best help to those hearing.. beyond words... everyone is so busy trying to hold on to a mask of perfection... Thanks and God bless you!