The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen

  • Опубликовано: 7 фев 2013
  • In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Комментарии • 510

  • Max Jindal
    Max Jindal Месяц назад +1

    Great video!

  • Alex Omar
    Alex Omar Месяц назад

    her hair is goals; love it.

  • GodBlessYou2008
    GodBlessYou2008 Месяц назад

    I am happy about that she does not speak like the current white house press secretary

  • Suzy Pyne
    Suzy Pyne 2 месяца назад

    Self-esteem is contingent on success.
    Self-compassion requires:
    Being as kind, gentle and encouraging to yourself as you would be to a good friend.
    Finding the common humanity - how am I the same as others?
    Mindfulness - acknowledge & validate what is there in the present moment.
    Self-criticism undermines motivation & may result in shutting down. However when we show ourselves compassion, when we feel safe & comforted we can find ourselves in the optimal mind state to do our best.
    Self-compassion is not self indulgent; the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, the more we have available to give to others.
    Thank you, Kristin.

  • Aldo Gama
    Aldo Gama 3 месяца назад +1

    Even on comments we can see the concept of focus on negative...With so many amazing concepts said, we focus un the whispering on background. Not judging, I swear ahaba Just observing

  • Aldo Gama
    Aldo Gama 3 месяца назад +1

    Watching again...and I Will watching How manuais times necessary. The concept of Self compassion it's Just magic

    Zaineb EL MOUTASSIM 3 месяца назад +1

    So informative and so touching! Thank you for this interesting talk 👍🏻

  • Kaien Dragon
    Kaien Dragon 3 месяца назад +2

    That was seriously the best talk I've ever heard from TED Talks, really changed my perspective on self esteem and self compassion! Thank you Kristin!

  • Allan Lindsley
    Allan Lindsley 4 месяца назад +1

    Very good, thanks.

  • Elhadj Diallo
    Elhadj Diallo 4 месяца назад +1

    to be frank with you , your episode sound Radical and phenomenal .... I wish you all the best in life .... will you marry baby even thought I don't know you ....

  • Holistic-Healing UK
    Holistic-Healing UK 4 месяца назад

    great talk.

  • Ian Winter
    Ian Winter 4 месяца назад +1

    This cleared a lot of old fears for me. I realize the most important thing that I have never given myself or others at times is compassion. Thank you so much I love this video!

  • Ling Jin
    Ling Jin 4 месяца назад

    Amazing talk, thank you Kristin! I am experiencing the problems you describe about self esteem and I am so glad to be aware enough to spot the scrip that has been unconsciously running in my head over the last few days! Your book is on my way and can't wait to read it. Thank you for your work, for sharing and for connecting us in the world x

  • Alek Kopulsky
    Alek Kopulsky 4 месяца назад

    Such a helpful message delivered in he most soothing, compassionate voice.

  • Abby Koop
    Abby Koop 5 месяцев назад

    Although there was a lot of great information here, I think she maybe isn't quite clear on what self-esteem really is. It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else and certainly nothing to do with comparisons. Self-esteem is simply feeling good about matter what. And it comes from SELF....not anyone else, and absolutely not from putting others down. In fact I thought it a bit ironic that to promote her idea of self-compassion, she felt a need to put down self-esteem. Both can work hand in hand.

  • Kanako Premma
    Kanako Premma 5 месяцев назад

    very nice !! I learn yoga for eating disorders. this idea is really good for body images and treating heart. Thank you Kristin.

  • Kea Michelle
    Kea Michelle 6 месяцев назад

    random shot of audience clapping when they shouldn't have been.

  • Maria Panteli
    Maria Panteli 7 месяцев назад +1

    To whom this may concern, can I translate the video from English to Greek? I am PhD student in Clinical Psychology.

  • Maria Laura Martina
    Maria Laura Martina 7 месяцев назад +1

    What a courageous, brave and inspiring testimony!

  • Maria Laura Martina
    Maria Laura Martina 7 месяцев назад

    Thank you very much for this life enriching conference. Blessings from Argentina.

  • All InOne
    All InOne 7 месяцев назад +1

    Number of times she lied in this video: 0

  • Sher Khan
    Sher Khan 8 месяцев назад +2

    So few ppl attended the talk. Wtf.

  • Najah Adreak
    Najah Adreak 8 месяцев назад +1

    Wonderful presentation

  • Lynn Julian
    Lynn Julian 8 месяцев назад +2

    Simple AND brilliant...worth watching, thank you!

  • Clifton Torrence
    Clifton Torrence 8 месяцев назад

    OK? OK? OK?? stop saying OK? asking OK? rhetorically is bargaining for unnecessary agreement. You Are Beautiful !

  • king nick
    king nick 9 месяцев назад

    Ha! Speak for yourself. Lol my self esteem was crushed all the way threw high school. Not until 11th grade did I actually start to develop some self worth. However it was only because I lost weight and got a GF

  • Soul Spa
    Soul Spa 9 месяцев назад

    Her voice !💥

  • Blair Ashby
    Blair Ashby 9 месяцев назад +1

    Thank you Kristin Neff. This is a beautiful message. It's wonderful you're helping more people learn this.

  • Liz Crittenden
    Liz Crittenden 9 месяцев назад +1

    Thank you very much, it was the missing piece I needed.

  • Elkin Bilardo Márquez Fernández
    Elkin Bilardo Márquez Fernández 9 месяцев назад

    Is it available in spanish?

  • Jonathan Vermillion
    Jonathan Vermillion 9 месяцев назад +1

    What a beautiful person

  • Radhika Narang
    Radhika Narang 9 месяцев назад +2

    You are so graceful mam :)

  • June Kelso
    June Kelso 10 месяцев назад

    Excellent speech. A lot of good information that I so want to research more. Thank you.

  • Nancy Lamb
    Nancy Lamb 10 месяцев назад +1

    This is so important and I'm so grateful to be here...

  • Nancy Lamb
    Nancy Lamb 10 месяцев назад +1

    Love this!

  • Leila Forissier
    Leila Forissier 10 месяцев назад

    Hi, would there be a transcript of this by any chance?

  • Vanessa Summerfield
    Vanessa Summerfield 10 месяцев назад

    I agree with her completely

  • Amparo Gonzalez
    Amparo Gonzalez 10 месяцев назад

    Do we need techniques and steps to find ourselves? Or maybe some silence is needed to be along with ourselves. I liked her "mindfulness" concept about being in the present.

  • Mathew Wienbar
    Mathew Wienbar 10 месяцев назад

    No to downplay the importance of self compassion, but she is mischaracterizing self esteem in this video. Self esteem is not a belief that you're better than others, it is belief that you are competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and that you are worthy of happiness. I think the self esteem movement that Dr. Nathaniel Branden started back in the day actually encompasses everything she's talking about here. Arrogance is a sign of low self esteem - her references to narcissism and self esteem are off base, people with high self esteem are happy being themselves and don't need to derive their happiness from feeling superior to others.

  • Lady H. Wotton
    Lady H. Wotton 10 месяцев назад +1

    I respect Dr. Neff deeply. I loved her book about self-compassion, it changed my life. But I gotta be honest, her therapist-voice sets my teeth on edge.

  • Esra Baykal
    Esra Baykal 10 месяцев назад +1

    Amazing, this video will help me a lot!

  • CleverCat
    CleverCat 10 месяцев назад +3

    I think putting people down to feel better about yourself is defiantly not confined to Western culture (of the necessity to feel above average.)

  • Bonnie S
    Bonnie S 10 месяцев назад +1

    "Luckily, we aren't just reptiles"
    *audience claps silently*

  • Bonnie S
    Bonnie S 10 месяцев назад +1

    People, this talk was geared towards women because this was at a women's event....

  • Kathryn Moye
    Kathryn Moye 10 месяцев назад

    Great ideas here! Thank you! Sad that men were excluded from the audience, though.

  • Nithisha jain
    Nithisha jain 11 месяцев назад

    Woooow. My way of seeing things changed after watching this video. Self compassion. Thank you so much. That lady is so positive. Could receive the good vibes.

  • whatever noe
    whatever noe 11 месяцев назад

    Gosh I’m feeling bad about myself as I loose my compassion towards that sound underneath her voice coming from her mouth movement ugh

  • kimberly jackson
    kimberly jackson 11 месяцев назад


  • nein 3
    nein 3 11 месяцев назад


  • bendadestroyer
    bendadestroyer 11 месяцев назад +1

    My religion IS better than yours.

  • ylmonkeyU2
    ylmonkeyU2 Год назад

    Thank you for this wonderful talk.

  • MrTcuk
    MrTcuk Год назад +2

    Narcissism can't be created in schools. It is an abuse that is generated at home. Trough self esteem can't be affected by external validation those people didn't have self esteem in first place.

  • Paul Lahi
    Paul Lahi Год назад +1

    You are a very kind soft spoken lady.

  • João Catalão
    João Catalão Год назад

    Thanks. Very good...

  • #1Lazer
    #1Lazer Год назад

    I am a very critical person, and I can say from experience- it not only steals my motivation, but the motivation of those who spend a lot of time with me. Very dangerous. Not proud of it, but I am recognizing a trend.
    Also mammals? Show me some proof that I am part reptile? As I'd have to be in order to "also be" something else.? Wait, I'm being critical... okay, I am very beautiful, some say cold blooded, I may have a forked tongue at times... wait, people again having a sense of self responsibility? Okay, I hope everyone watching this believes that, because we need it badly as a society!

  • Paul Thompson
    Paul Thompson Год назад

    Well worth spreding this info to all humanity...

  • malinie vongsouthi
    malinie vongsouthi Год назад

    I can’t with the stirring of Mac n cheese sound!!!

  • Ian Lambert
    Ian Lambert Год назад +1

    Really needed to here this today being very judgmental of myself practices mindfulness with self compassion what a beautiful way of being, thank you.

  • karen arthur
    karen arthur Год назад +1

    Amazing. Was put off by the 19min and almost didn't give it my time. Glad I did. Great idea definitely worth spreading!

  • princess melody
    princess melody Год назад +1

    Absolutely right 👏👏👏👏

  • Asteri ETERNAL
    Asteri ETERNAL Год назад


  • Geronimo RS
    Geronimo RS Год назад +1

    Thank you. I've learned so much from your talk. Your message is heart felt.

  • Diginess Unknown
    Diginess Unknown Год назад +1

    Who's whispering by the camera? Rude. Ruined the video.

  • Abigail Lehman
    Abigail Lehman Год назад +1

    Is there a transcript anywhere of this talk?

  • beachhum
    beachhum Год назад

    Short summary - Self-compassion: relating to self kindly; as we are. 1)Self-kindness (encourage, patience, empathize); 2) Humanity (how am I the same as others, we are all imperfect); 3) mindfulness (accept/validate the present & feelings). Better mental health. Benefits of self-esteem without pitfalls.
    self-esteem: am I good person or bad person? Feelings of self-worth. High self-esteem in USA means above average (puff up and put others down; comparison). Lots of bullying/prejudice. Women told image is important.
    Self-criticism undermines motivation. Triggers Threat system (flight or fight); you become the attacker and the attacked; cause depression.
    Feel safe by Mammal system - warm, gentle touch, soft voice (feel safe and comforted). "What can I do to support you?"

  • Jay Jones
    Jay Jones Год назад

    Absolutely wonderful talk! Keep spreading did a great job...

  • Blue Star
    Blue Star Год назад


  • Lee Lesemann
    Lee Lesemann Год назад +1

    very insightful how she contrasts self-esteem vs. self-compassion

  • Hans Wollinga
    Hans Wollinga Год назад +1

    Is this ASMR?

  • Fred Schwentafsky
    Fred Schwentafsky Год назад

    White people in north america are fragile because they have manufactured a fake culture of superiority.

  • Ryan Fowler
    Ryan Fowler Год назад +1

    I can't give enough praise to this video! Imagine what kind of world we'd have if everyone knew and internalized what's in this video.

  • Nick Fortino
    Nick Fortino Год назад

    so many ted talks have mic's that are way too can hear the saliva sounds and it's distracting for me...
    Thanks for your work Kristin Neff!

  • Daniel Hulse
    Daniel Hulse Год назад

    I was never more peaceful with myself than when I began forgetting about me and remembering Jesus and what He's done for me. Jesus, thank you for picking up my cross and taking my shame. I can't wait to see Your face and behold my best Friend, face to face.

  • N.
    N. Год назад

    great speach!! I love how you open up yourself and bloome love!! great

  • Tim Dunk
    Tim Dunk Год назад

    Such memorable and lasting points - beautifully presented. A compassionate thank you, Kristin.

  • Katie Kat
    Katie Kat Год назад

    Now I understand why flash photography is forbidden when you go see a show. It messed up them filming it. I never understood the actual reason behind the rule.

  • Nisha Halai
    Nisha Halai Год назад

    Not quite my love. Judgemental thoughts that manifest as discrimination and prejudices are in the collective psyche that is our environment. Everyone is the epidemic until we become aware and start to make the unconscious conscious, from ignorance and fear, back to acceptance as love. You only need to read "Anti-Discriminatory Counselling Practice" by Colin Lago, Barbara Smith and friends, to understand what self-love really is, where it comes from, how it drives desires, and how our environment has systematically being subverted towards division, suppression and oppression. It's a social responsibility that starts with the individual becoming aware and perceptive to what it truly true and what is false.

  • anime2192
    anime2192 Год назад +1

    I'm only 2 minutes into the talk but the whispering is driving me crazy. I intend to finish the talk, it seems like a valuable message.
    This may not be the appropriate place to ask, but curiosity has got the better of me: Do people with schizophrenia whom say they "hear voices" hear it to this extent? Like this audible? I have always wondered

  • mary delaney
    mary delaney Год назад

    This presentation was so enlightening. We probably know deep down that receiving harsh criticism isn't motivating but how nice to hear that there is research to prove it. I want to hear more about the practice of self-compassion.

    AROMA DINIZ Год назад

    Thank u Kristin:)

  • Love Art Therapy Always
    Love Art Therapy Always Год назад

    Excellent! Thanks so much for sharing this... tis so true that when we share our stories with others in an authentic and candid way.. tis the best help to those hearing.. beyond words... everyone is so busy trying to hold on to a mask of perfection... Thanks and God bless you!

  • CutieMuff Cc
    CutieMuff Cc Год назад


  • Joe Benharrosh
    Joe Benharrosh Год назад +1

    I just want to point out that it makes sense college students are narcissists, that's completely normal until a certain age.

  • Momo Shiggles
    Momo Shiggles Год назад +1

    Kristin Neff is the bomb. I've had her book for years and I'm still alive and well because of this woman. Heed her words - self-esteem is for suckers. Get into self-compassion and free yourself.

  • Suman Mishra
    Suman Mishra Год назад


  • Merga Afa
    Merga Afa Год назад

    Thank you much !! really your heart is opened for others to share....

  • idanify
    idanify Год назад


  • mechanic1756
    mechanic1756 Год назад

    Folks listen to this is well said and has a lot of meaning .

  • jbauer72
    jbauer72 Год назад

    Dr. Neff has some of my favorite meditations on the INSIGHT TIMER app.

  • sillystupidpastime
    sillystupidpastime Год назад

    political party! so true!

  • chompet123
    chompet123 Год назад +2

    I really thought I have gone crazy. I thought I was starting to hear whispers in my head. Thank God for the comments section. XD

  • iRaya77
    iRaya77 Год назад +1

    Everyone needs to watch this video! It's life changing! byt: if you speed up the video to 1.25 you don't hear the whispering

  • Nathan
    Nathan Год назад +6

    I'm not sure that's a great definition of self esteem at the the start. Self esteem is about how worthy you think you are. Worthy of other's time, other's care, other's love. I know I'm a good person, but I have terribly low self esteem.

  • Linda S
    Linda S Год назад +1

    I absolutely love minute 17:30: Putting her hands over her heart, she said, "This is so hard right now, darling. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you." I have copied that out to keep at work, thank you.

  • Dreaming OF Freedom
    Dreaming OF Freedom Год назад

    not a great video, i was hoping she would talk more about self- compassion in how you bring it into action, but she just went on about how it was better than self- esteem, rather than what it involves. But at least, this video doesn't answer all my searchings of answers by saying turn to Jesus, pray or read the Bible (in other words i have no answers to the problems whatsoever so just hope & pray)

  • Tessa Canzona
    Tessa Canzona Год назад

    This was just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you so much!

  • Mary Evans
    Mary Evans Год назад

    Why do schools get blamed for all social ills? WHY?

  • samuidesune
    samuidesune Год назад

    great talk-got a lot from it.

  • David Little
    David Little Год назад

    how about you have some compassion for religion.... and never use that intro again.

  • Denny Wolfe
    Denny Wolfe Год назад

    tedx talks come with so many unsubstantiated claims. right ? okay?