Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable | Harlan Cohen | TEDxUrsulineCollege

  • Published on Nov 17, 2014
  • This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. In his witty and powerful talk, Harlan Cohen shares his own experience of dealing with difficult moments in college and discusses why we must all get comfortable with the uncomfortable in life.
    Harlan Cohen is a New York Times bestselling author, nationally syndicated advice columnist, and speaker who has visited over 400 college campuses. He is the author of six books including, The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College. The Naked Roommate: For Parents Only, Dad’s Expecting Too!, and Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober. Harlan is a frequent guest on television and radio programs and has appeared on the Today Show. You can follow him on Twitter @HarlanCohen and read his advice at He is based in Chicago, Illinois.In his witty and powerful talk, Harlan Cohen shares his own experience of dealing with difficult moments in college and discusses why we must all get comfortable with the uncomfortable in life.
    About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 50

  • Alexiz_89 Cancer
    Alexiz_89 Cancer 3 months ago +1

    It’s hard for me to get comfortable. I’m in the middle of it right now..

    • Alexiz_89 Cancer
      Alexiz_89 Cancer 2 months ago

      HarlanCohen thanks I needed that!

    • HarlanCohen
      HarlanCohen 2 months ago

      Focus on patience right now. Lean on people who have been through it. Put yourself in places where you can find help and support. It's hard to find clarity when you're in the middle of it. Don't try. Just walk along with the discomfort and it will drift behind you over time. Then you will find clarity.

  • Mike Budde
    Mike Budde 3 months ago

    I had to listen to it twice to get it. It is a great topic.

  • Noor noor
    Noor noor 5 months ago +1

    WoW powerful 👍

  • sirbenzo9
    sirbenzo9 Year ago +1

    Well, mary jane is a good one. Best friend ever!!! lol. Actually, it's not bad--but I noticed it haltered my social skills and angst. I quit a month ago to grow in social aspects.

  • Pansa Rakesh
    Pansa Rakesh Year ago

    It was Great

  • itsybitsy999
    itsybitsy999 Year ago +16

    No, not everyone has people who will always be there for them and no, not everyone has a place they can be comfortable and safe in. This talk is far too simple.

    • Y Vaz
      Y Vaz Month ago

      Circus system: these are stories you tell yoursel. Change the story and see what happens

    • Caroline Thompson
      Caroline Thompson 4 months ago

      @Anton Czerny hard to find those people who care

    • Anton Czerny
      Anton Czerny Year ago +4

      If you don't have them, go out there and find them. You can move and do something about it. You're not a tree!

  • Odis Redding
    Odis Redding 2 years ago +2

    too much sjw going on in 15 minutes

  • contrafax
    contrafax 2 years ago +1

    I thought the two types are people are: Those who try to pigeon hole people and those that do not.

  • Faith
    Faith 2 years ago

    Thank you .

  • Ash Coronado
    Ash Coronado 2 years ago +16

    I really needed to listen to this so badly!!!

    • Will Varley
      Will Varley Year ago

      Ashley Coronado ask to borrow his ears then

  • Leiz Dutra
    Leiz Dutra 2 years ago +2

    Great talk

  • Ryan T.A
    Ryan T.A 2 years ago +3

    0:00 X..videos

  • Lou o
    Lou o 2 years ago +2

    brave talk!

  • TheBreemad
    TheBreemad 2 years ago +9

    He's an amazing speaker. Clear and concise.

    • jxhf Gonza
      jxhf Gonza 2 months ago

      oOoO what do when you have to go back and look for the right things for the future and iPhone and iPhone and your iPad app

  • Daniel Surman
    Daniel Surman 2 years ago +14

    Face the uncomfortable. Yes that is key.

  • Joanna J
    Joanna J 2 years ago +42

    If you're doing mental math of everything that goes wrong, your life will always be negative

  • Gabriela Anghel
    Gabriela Anghel 2 years ago +5

    why do you tell people you recognize them when in fact you do not?

    • Mihaela Giurescu
      Mihaela Giurescu 2 days ago

      Yeah, whats up with that note that he didn't recognize those people but said that he did. It wasnt before his talks and big epiphany. It was after. I dont get it. Maybe if I give it another listen I'll understand the punchline to those mentions?!

    • Nikt Szczególny
      Nikt Szczególny 11 months ago +1

      so, he run for them from the uncomfortable

    • fernandez
      fernandez Year ago

      it's called being nice

    • BeyondAstral
      BeyondAstral 2 years ago

      It makes people feel good. He wants others to feel important. He meant so much to them so he doesn't want to make them feel bad.

    • Adi Bhutani
      Adi Bhutani 2 years ago +1

      Hahaha That's what you get from this video. 😃

  • Ikem Krueger
    Ikem Krueger 3 years ago +6

    I have trouble getting the concept.

    • jxhf Gonza
      jxhf Gonza 2 months ago

      @HarlanCohen nomination to do so is that

    • HarlanCohen
      HarlanCohen 3 years ago +5

      Which part is hard to understand? Would be happy to clear it up. Thanks

  • Gabriel Masseur
    Gabriel Masseur 3 years ago +14

    Very nice ears

  • guloguloguy
    guloguloguy 3 years ago +9


  • Media Steroids
    Media Steroids 3 years ago +2

    What do you mean by places?

    • Miss. Love
      Miss. Love 2 years ago

      +HarlanCohen thank you.

    • Miss. Love
      Miss. Love 2 years ago

      +HarlanCohen you are awesome.

    • Nick Barbov
      Nick Barbov 2 years ago

      Davis Nottingham Very good extensive explanation of places by Harlan.

    • HarlanCohen
      HarlanCohen 3 years ago +10

      +Davis Nottingham Places are locations (virtual included) where you can find connection, community, answers and support. Think about places where you can live, learn, lead, love, sweat, play, and pray. There are places with open access (all inclusive, spiritual and community based), places you have to be invited to get access (exclusive clubs, organizations, activities), and places where you pay (can be open access or exclusive). There are always places where we can find connection, community, and answers, but we need to put ourselves in these places. Another way to find places is to identify people who reflect your core values, interests and passions. Identify the places they have found their connection and community and let this lead you. Hope this helps.

  • HarlanCohen
    HarlanCohen 4 years ago +35

    Who are your FIVE people? Where are your THREE places? How patient are you?

    • Caro H
      Caro H Year ago

      Thank you👍

    • Safa Baderr
      Safa Baderr 2 years ago


    • Safa Baderr
      Safa Baderr 2 years ago

      HarlanCohen i'm lebanese and i'm comfortable, lonely, and broken..i have some acne that low my self-esteem..

    • Anayran Pinheiro de Azevedo
      Anayran Pinheiro de Azevedo 4 years ago +3

      @HarlanCohen Thank you for these words. I'm passing through some rough situations in my life, and remember that we need to have people, places and be patient to face these difficulties and get better. I hope this will end, soon or not.