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Why you CAN’T Leave an Abusive Relationship | TRAUMA BONDING (Stephanie Lyn Coaching)

  • Published on Apr 23, 2018
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Comments • 1 499

  • jenomi72
    jenomi72 3 years ago +1259

    Yes. This definitely feels like a drug addiction. Even when I'm screaming inside my head. Trying to remind myself how bad it makes me feel. I still want to hear him be nice to me one more time fully knowing it won't last.

    • Phenomenonto
      Phenomenonto 24 days ago

      Right!😩 I can’t wait to celebrate victory over this situation because I know I will conquer it in Jesus’ name!👑💗🙏🏾

    • Laura Beigh
      Laura Beigh Month ago

      I know. I actually hate him now but still meant him to love me. Whhhyyyyy

    • lotus
      lotus 3 months ago


    • Aleigha Mack
      Aleigha Mack 3 months ago

      @Briana Doherty I do this same exact thing;(( I tell myself, I’ll leave, and then I get the same thoughts that im not ready to do it, or like I’m not fully prepared. But I’ve been saying this for the past 3 years, that I’m not ready. When will I ever be ready?! I know I need to stop saying that and just DO IT, whether I’m ready or not. I don’t think I’ll ever be “ready” to leave him, but I know I’ll have to. I always push it to the side.. I’ll leave him at times, but never fully cut him off internally waiting for the next time he’ll text me saying he misses us. This is just sad.. I know what I want in life but I feel so stuck:(

    • Ms. Dove 🕊️
      Ms. Dove 🕊️ 3 months ago

      @Angela D so am i... 🕊️

  • YesReneau
    YesReneau 9 months ago +163

    She’s like the cool aunt you want to call when you have boy problems.

    • Angela Marie
      Angela Marie 4 days ago

      @Jenn501 Things have been really good for a while actually (at least a month)... I am still slightly skeptical, but he has seemingly gone out of his way not to say anything discouraging and to make sure my needs are met. I don't know if we'll dip back into the darkness anytime soon, but I am encouraged for now that there's hope for change.

    • Jenn501
      Jenn501 4 days ago

      ​@Angela Marie I'm in the same situation...how are you doing? I'm 43. from Little Rock, Arkansas.

    • Angela Marie
      Angela Marie 3 months ago

      I'm 42 and have wanted to leave for several years... But this guy is a whole different level of narcissist. He has a God complex on top of a Great salesman (makes his love bombing believable) and comes across as someone who is so successful at everything you can think & most of it isn't a lie, but a lot is inflated. I am in the process of meeting with a lawyer.

    • Patricia Malemikia
      Patricia Malemikia 3 months ago

      I'm 23 but I guess it's time to leave

    • Noel H
      Noel H 6 months ago +2

      @Taty Rosso same and I’m also 23 😭

  • C D
    C D 2 years ago +192

    “You have to decide that you want to be happy.” Yes. It’s so hard at first when you leave. But once you leave, you’ll feel that weight lift off your shoulders.

  • Rashid EightTwo
    Rashid EightTwo 2 years ago +321

    Its hard to admit but shes right ...its hard to accept who the person really is your always looking for them to show you love and affection like they did at the beginning

    • I
      I 4 days ago +1

      The person that loved you at first was a FRONT he put on

    • Pipi Chiru
      Pipi Chiru 4 months ago +2

      @Grace Wins wow so true I can relate OMG 😲

    • Roxana Barrezueta
      Roxana Barrezueta Year ago +16

      Hardest part it’s to accept who they really are.

  • Barbara Brinkmeyer
    Barbara Brinkmeyer 4 years ago +577

    We can and do leave, and we can heal. No human being owns us. No one.

    • I
      I 4 days ago

      @GnSt4vo Yup, my ex played VICTIM. He tried checking my phone when I was asleep cuz he didn’t like that my coworker was messaging me. It didn’t matter that it was my boss, messaging me about work, who was married - TO A MAN.
      I found out later he was cheating on me at the same time.

    • TT Taylor
      TT Taylor 3 months ago +1

      @Ashlee Marie I'm dealing with those feelings as I type

    • Not A Robot
      Not A Robot 5 months ago +1

      @GnSt4vo amen to that, is what I hear each day… it’s all on me. I’m the one ruining everything. I’m the one with anger. I’m the one controlling. I believe it’s called projection or countering, but that’s how the abuser doesn’t take responsibility for their actions.

    • Sharlene’s Journey
      Sharlene’s Journey 6 months ago

      Thank you 🙏🏾

    • Jennifer Archer
      Jennifer Archer 6 months ago +1

      That’s how I feel! That’s not a good level of confidence. it’s pretty low! Unfortunately I hope we just remember the girls we were before we met these guys and KNOW AND CHOOSE to be that girl again but better! We can def do it

  • Viva los pepes
    Viva los pepes 3 years ago +573

    Took me 34 years to understand. Unbelievable trust your gut it never lies to you

    • Leahflower
      Leahflower Day ago

      @Sean Smith stephanie said it's an addiction to be trauma bonded it's like stochkolm syndrome but more mental captivity than physical captivity most of us have zero self esteem while we are bonded and it just gets worse

    • Susan Sheehan
      Susan Sheehan Month ago +1

      If I would have trusted my gut I wouldn’t be here 11 years later

    • shelly frye
      shelly frye 3 months ago

      @Phoenix Mode are you out or still in?

    • A Girl
      A Girl 5 months ago

      @Billy Ray Valentine same here

    • A Girl
      A Girl 5 months ago

      @Sean Smith Well then, I suppose you should be out there living your best life, right? Yet, here you are.

  • Daniel Trentham
    Daniel Trentham 3 years ago +277

    This is sooo powerful, the concept that breaking the trauma bond is as strong as withdrawal from addiction...Always feeling the need to go back for more. I’m still going through the codependent withdrawal today. Thank you so much for all the insightful video content. It has been invaluable in helping me grow the courage I’ve needed to break the cycle.

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 6 months ago +2

      I’m going through this now it’s like when I’m at work it’s not as bad because I stay busy but when I’m bored all I do is think of him.

    • Grace Wins
      Grace Wins 7 months ago +2

      @Cookie Alexander I pray he figured it out if the person he's with is truly has NPD?
      Or if that person just needed counseling?
      I've known a few over my lifetime. Some even with counseling just figured out how to use the counseling to manipulate their spouce.
      The other barely escaped with their life and sanity. Only escaped The violent covert NPD spouse in their battle of cancer. It's truly heartbreaking. I've only just been enlightened about narcissim and the different Personality traits and disorders....that person doesn't even know yet that they were indeed not just in a bad relationship but in one with a sociopath. Even after death are experiencing all these trauma bonded victimization emotions not knowing how to just live and move on. Still alienating themselves from family not knowing how to enteract. Horrible dysfunction. My hope is to inform and help them through sending these ensightful videos to them.

    • Cookie Alexander
      Cookie Alexander 7 months ago +4

      Daniel were you able to break free?

    • mr. Pam Doré
      mr. Pam Doré Year ago +10

      why do I always go back? he's vicious, I can't believe I let him treat me this way and then I go back.

    • Benjamin Armstrong
      Benjamin Armstrong 2 years ago +7

      Feel that one man, went through most of my life without realizing how codependent I was/am then spent a few years trying to make it a good thing, now I'm drained and somehow still jonesing for that toxic mess.

  • A. N.
    A. N. 4 years ago +475

    You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. I'm 8 months out and still have trouble letting go of "the dream". Thank you for what you do. =)

    • Mandy Liu
      Mandy Liu 6 months ago +2

      I just recently out of my 6 years relationship, but this is super super hard I’m trying to back on my feet but it keep dragging me backward, I start to doubt how long can I last and if I can manage it eventually, but I’m trying my best, all the best for you recovery, hope we can do this

    • Finance99
      Finance99 9 months ago +3

      they always make u feel like "this time" it will be different. and u just didn't hang on long enough to see it!!

    • A Mc
      A Mc 11 months ago +4

      he shattered the real dream, not the fantesy, the moment he put his hands on you

    • Devian Nikei
      Devian Nikei Year ago +2

      10 months out. Some days are good. Others are great but some I wake up and he's there. I eat and he's there. I'm reading and he interrupts. Shower- he's there. He's there at the gym. I once started crying on the elliptical machine. Some days are so hard, too hard. But... other days are good. We have to live for the good days with ourselves like we lived for those few good days with had with them. We have to cling to the good hours of peace we find like we pined for good hours with them. Stay hopeful. Stay in the fight.

    • Daniella Moreno
      Daniella Moreno 2 years ago +4

      Im trying to leave too and waited I thought he was going to change and he has for short while and then as soon as things got hard again it got bad again.
      I came from toxic childhood and I ended meeting a guy that was like that toxic family member.
      Im slowly healing and Im realizing things.

  • Melissa Jeffree
    Melissa Jeffree Year ago +148

    Argh the worst is the relationships you lose because people got tired of you going back or making excuses for the person who is litterally breaking you apart. So even when you leave the relationship, you are often alone and tend to go back just to have someone.

    • peace faith
      peace faith 6 months ago

      @Taty Rosso much better !! that was a blessing from God

    • Taty Rosso
      Taty Rosso 6 months ago

      @peace faith aww Im sorry, your so strong addiction is very dificult. Are you better now?

    • peace faith
      peace faith 6 months ago +1

      @Taty Rosso give it to God, I had to , had a 25 yr addiction / entanglement this man wasnt even my friend !!

    • Sae Tae
      Sae Tae 6 months ago

      Ummm no

    • Taty Rosso
      Taty Rosso 7 months ago +6

      Can we like all help each other. I’m nearly there because they keep you secluded

  • Linda H.
    Linda H. 4 years ago +497

    I hope people see this before they have spent as many years in it as I have. Now he is disabled, and any chance of me having a different life are gone. Please people, follow this advice while you are young enough to enjoy some happiness, and freedom in your life.

    • Anastassiya Nora
      Anastassiya Nora 6 months ago

      Thank you! God bless you

    • LaLa A.C
      LaLa A.C 7 months ago +3

      @Rena Ash that’s inspiring to hear, I’m 30 and 13 years in ...I can only hope I find the strength soon. I hope you and your daughter enjoy take 2 of your life - it’s your time now!

    • Rena Ash
      Rena Ash 7 months ago +3

      I'm 51 and 15 years in, I just left a month ago with a 13 year old daughter, never give up.

    • C dlouhy
      C dlouhy 8 months ago +2

      My daughter was just with her fiance who was piece by piece isolating her.. she saw enough to call me and get out, it has been a rollercoaster ride but she gets stronger every time, but she has remained with us safe at home and I'm so thankful. I wish you great things too!

    • LaLa A.C
      LaLa A.C 9 months ago +2

      Thank you Linda, even though I’ve heard it before, it never hurts to hear it again - I’ve been in this 13 years and I’m realizing now I have to find a way out - I hope I find the courage.

  • Jenn G
    Jenn G Year ago +43

    Just found this video. I'm currently in a severely mentally and emotionally and financially abusive relationship and I feel so alone. I can't deal with the names and the screaming and blaming me for everything. I want too leave but just don't know why I can't.

    • TT Taylor
      TT Taylor 3 months ago

      Going through that now as I type. Been with my kids dad for 9 year. I have no one

    • Krystal Wahler
      Krystal Wahler 4 months ago +1

      I am in a severely mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive relationship. I have suicidal depression and don't at all feel like I can leave him with my life. I am so scared of myself. I have given him COMPLETE control of my sanity and that's so scary. I am fucked. Just trying to get by..

    • sharon emsley
      sharon emsley 6 months ago +2

      You're not alone 💖💖

    • Anastassiya Nora
      Anastassiya Nora 6 months ago +2

      Just reading it now and hope you left. Could've been my own message. Thank you for your comment

    • Millicent Brock
      Millicent Brock 11 months ago +1

      God bless you!❤️

    KAYLA ROSE 3 years ago +216

    You’re literally saving me.. I’m so forever grateful I found your channel 😭😭 thank you for the work you do!!

    • Morbid Diathesis
      Morbid Diathesis Year ago

      You'll go back to him because he's a bad boy and exciting. You've had ample opportunity to get with a decent guy, and you rejected every single one of them because they were too stable and boring for your liking. You like the drama and you like getting abused. That's why you refuse to leave.

    • savita jha
      savita jha Year ago

      so true

    • Jeannette Nicasio
      Jeannette Nicasio Year ago +2

      Thank you. I found your channel at the precise moment I needed it.

    • Mags c
      Mags c Year ago +1

      Me too. Stephanie you really are gifted in the way you explain so much and you always are so positive, caring and supportive. God Bless You always !!!

    • Mags c
      Mags c Year ago +2

      Me too. Stephanie you really are gifted in the way you explain so much and you always are so positive, caring and supportive. God Bless You always !!!

  • Hadley Andrews
    Hadley Andrews Year ago +18

    I’ve been in an verbal & mental abusive relationship for about 3 years. I used to always make excuses bc I thought there was something wrong with me. So i made excuses and took it, until I became depressed and started having anxiety attacks and just straight up feeling like I was going insane. I’ve tried to leave many times, but I’m scared and ik he’s gonna show up to my house and still try to talk to me. Idk what to do bc I’m ready to get out. Someone please help.

  • Keri DiGirolamo
    Keri DiGirolamo 4 years ago +84

    I have been trying to heal from a trauma bond/narcissistic relationship for years now and all of my early 20s. I stumbled upon your videos one day when I was looking for some answers and I am so grateful I did. Your videos, message, and knowledge really speak to me and help. They make me feel like I am not alone, which in these situations is hard to find someone that understands. Thank you so much.

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +7

      Keri DiGirolamo thank you so much for watching! If they are helping you throughout your journey I am so grateful! 🙌

  • youtube watcher
    youtube watcher 4 years ago +200

    Thank you for not being judgemental. I have been blamed before for not leaving earlier, years ago. I do not blame myself (anymore). His insanity has nothing to do with me.

    • Hyde Ajin
      Hyde Ajin 7 months ago

      Exactly. What he chose to do had nothing to do with you.

    • Misssixty510
      Misssixty510 Year ago

      Yes ♥️

    • Jane Muller
      Jane Muller 2 years ago +1

      @Alondra Montez The calling & texting is part of the mind games playing on your EMOTIONS. It's a tough space to be in Especially if you still love them. You have Think Deeply What kind of life do you want going FORWARD. One RESPECTING YOURSELF and DEMAND RESPECT as You give RESPECT OR being Disrespected and Abused going FORWARD. Be the Change YOU WANT to see in YOURSELF. Therapy with the RIGHT Therapist will help you clearing your head space as this kind of trauma affects YOUR Decision making too. I also reached a stage where I had No choice of Blocking My Spouse sending messages or calls coz I Expect a Man to face me as his wife if he's SERIOUS in wanting to RESTORE a Broken relationship with Supported UNBIASED outside Professional Therapy.

    • Alondra Montez
      Alondra Montez 2 years ago

      Jane Muller How did you deal with the emotions when you left? I just left yesterday and feeling like crap. He’s been calling and texting and I thought I was making the right decision, but I don’t know anymore.

    • Jane Muller
      Jane Muller 2 years ago +2

      @Alondra Montez We were created with a GPS - God Provided System, namely a gut FEELING. We MUST pay attention to it and not be caught up in Life's rat race blinding us from noticing Wrong TOXIC BEHAVIOUR versus RESPECT

  • MidnightRunner04
    MidnightRunner04 4 years ago +112

    Thank you so much for all your work. I’m 2.5 years from a discard from a nine year marriage and almost six months out of another toxic marriage. What you said is so very true. I wish I could have heard this years ago. I have went from the darkest depression to massive love bombing to dark depression. You can heal from this and be happy again. Love yourself like you would your own child. Be his or her champion.

    • Hyde Ajin
      Hyde Ajin 7 months ago

      I'm so sorry. I hope things are better for you now.

    • Island Cat
      Island Cat Year ago

      soccer moon I know exactly how you are feeling. Hang in there.

    • MidnightRunner04
      MidnightRunner04 Year ago +1

      @ropey bird I’m well, thanks for asking. Loneliness is a problem sometimes but it could be worse...it has been worse. Lol. I’m still learning and growing and trying to figure it out. It’s like sitting at a poker game with a stack of chips. It gets shorter and shorter. All the effort I’ve spent on relationships is like that stack of chips. Keep playing and lose it all or cash out while I can. I’m taking my chips and spending them on me. 😂

    • drivven15
      drivven15 3 years ago +5

      Stephanie Lyn Coaching THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! I’m on my thousandth day one of leaving, but it has to be for good this time. I’m pregnant with my first child, and I don’t want my child in this unhealthy environment. My fears don’t match what I know, but they’re so strong right now. I’m struggling to combat them. I’m going to do like you said, and take the time to love me!!! Thank you so much for this!!!

    • drivven15
      drivven15 3 years ago +9

      I think my biggest fear is “will I ever find someone else and be truly happy? or will I find another toxic relationship? Am I the toxic person like he says I am?” I know it’s not all me, but then I still get stuck. Then I get angry and frustrated with myself, because I don’t deserve this! Thank you for sharing!!! Thank you Stephanie Lyn for helping me so very much with this!!!

  • Danielle S.
    Danielle S. 2 years ago +53

    It took my ex-boyfried's brother on his Death Bed to ask me why I tolerate the abuse! It was his words that finally got me to leave. IT was after 2 years of a relationship, and 6 years in total a friendship. It took him 4 years to break me! The Covert Narc was something I never knew existed! OMG! It was like a drug AND Addicted! It was so bad especially as an Empath!

  • Calla Sharp
    Calla Sharp 3 years ago +23

    I can’t explain how much I needed to hear that. We aren’t taught enough about emotional abuse and so it’s hard to find help and someone who understands what I’m going through. I have never been more thankful for a video. My feelings feel validated and I feel a little bit less alone and stronger then yesterday and I have the validation to be strong another day and really start a life I’m actually happy to live. Thank you.

  • Melissa
    Melissa 3 years ago +32

    When I first met my husband my impression of him was that he was a nice guy therefore he was the type of guy to treat women right. Looking back I realize how stupid that mentality was. I didn’t even know him but I took him at face value. Of course he morphed into my soulmate, but then the mask came off slowly until the devaluing phase and discarding eventually took place. If anything I have learned not to take people at face value.

    • LX X
      LX X 6 months ago

      same here, except he is my fiance. It's so interesting how time unravels the truth. It's so scary. This really discourages me to go out there and look for someone.

    • Raul Navarrette
      Raul Navarrette 7 months ago

      Your awesome. Stay strong

    • RN
      RN Year ago

      I keep hearing the word face value google the meaning cant find it, what do ppl mean when they say face value ...?

  • Karen j Kamps Kamps
    Karen j Kamps Kamps Year ago +27

    I set boundaries with him when we first met, but I became weak and he walked all over them because I let him

    • Tre_ 4
      Tre_ 4 4 months ago

      Thats Exactly What We Do. Start Standing Up For Yourself Again.

  • Blessed Beyond Belief
    Blessed Beyond Belief 4 years ago +173

    It’s called a toxic soultie. And needs to be broken.

    • James Armstrong
      James Armstrong 7 months ago

      Blessed Beyond Belief,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....

    • Brittany Breaux
      Brittany Breaux Year ago +3

      @88 88 God/prayer...im doing that now

  • Genesis Plumey
    Genesis Plumey Year ago +17

    This is such a strong message, I’m just starting to realize my husband has this trauma bond on me we’ve been married for a year now and everything has changed also i caught him still talking
    To his ex and it’s so disgusting the things he say to her . But I’m starting to realize my worth and trying to leave is the hardest

  • Yoshi
    Yoshi 8 months ago +10

    I needed this pep talk and I will continue to revisit this series every time I feel like going back. 2 months Narc Free!

  • Travis M
    Travis M 3 years ago +19

    I’m so glad to watched this video this really explains why I’m having such a hard time leaving this emotional and narcissist and mind controlling relationship... Whenever I try leaving the relationship she tells me I’m trying to destroy her ... It’s only been a year and a half and we don’t have kinds.... It’s like my mind is fighting with my emotions.... Thank you 🙏🏽 Stephanie

  • Easy Breezy
    Easy Breezy 3 years ago +56

    Stephanie - I am so grateful for you and your videos. I am 7 years out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I’m still healing. Thank you for validating what I am going through and providing so much insight. Bless you.

  • James Egan
    James Egan 4 years ago +58

    This is yet another hit by Stephanie Lyn. Her words are so compelling. Thank you Ms. Lyn for taking all the time and energy to share your insights with the rest of us in these articulate, well-prepared and thought out presentations. I highly endorse everyone to review these before getting into relationships; it will help you steer to what makes you most happy.

  • Cindy Hetzler
    Cindy Hetzler 2 years ago +21

    ive left abusive marriage 30 years ago.I disagree you should sit down and tell him youre leaving.Bad idea!Just go when hes not home one day.Get on welfare if you have to like i did go to a shelter.I had no family or friends to go to

    • Kassi A
      Kassi A Month ago

      Youre so brave ❤

  • HamptonFam
    HamptonFam 3 years ago +31

    This is exactly what I needed right NOW! I just had my fiance start moving out of our house two days ago because hes emotionally and verbally abusive. My divorce of 7 years was easier than this break up of 9 months and I've been wondering why. But now I know why i feel like i cant let go even though i know i should.

  • Larissa Perdiz
    Larissa Perdiz Year ago +8

    Your videos make me realize how hard is to recover after an abusive relationship! Almost 2 years of marriage with a man that manipulated me and made me believe that I was the problem and that I wasn’t enough to him!

  • Bea Bishop
    Bea Bishop Year ago +22

    As I embark on this journey of leaving this relationship of 8 years... the last 5 as his “only” caregiver after a stroke...I will say it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am an empath, codependent, martyr. I know the areas I need to work on. Yet... .I am full of quilt and I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I know I HAVE to do this.. because I am dying under the criticism, the critiques and condemnation. Nothing I do has ever been enough or good enough. I walk on egg shells, waiting to upset him about the smallest thing. I have been watching these videos for about 3 months and slowly I am getting my life back. To tell you how sick I was... I did not eat until he was ready to eat, even if it was 10 at night. My first move was to go to bed when I was ready, to eat when I was hungry, to do things that make me happy without asking permission. Needless to say ... he is very unhappy and saying I am putting him through hell. I am currently looking for a home and I want a divorce. I have seen an attorney... why do I sometimes feel like I am the bad guy?

    • Jacquelyn Powell
      Jacquelyn Powell 8 months ago +3

      You're not the bad guy. He probably told you you are. Also I don't care how disabled he is, get out!!!!

    • GnSt4vo
      GnSt4vo 9 months ago +3

      You feel guilty because it is gaslighting.

    • Shaniece Gullison
      Shaniece Gullison 9 months ago +1

      You are so strong
      You as an empath are awakened and are finding your individuality
      I love this comment
      You really are so tough
      Your aligning with your self
      You are your own person
      I woke up too
      He hates it

  • Melissa Jeffree
    Melissa Jeffree Year ago +17

    Wish I had this 2 years ago. There isn't enough exposure out there about relationships like this.
    People do not understand how often this happens, and how little support there is in certain culture groups for situations like this.

    • Carer Forever
      Carer Forever Year ago

      So true. I'm 43 yo and I haven't worked in years, l've been staying at home as a full-time Carer, looking after 2 people, my 72yo Schziophrenic mother, whom has Arthritis in her arms and legs and can't walk at times, and my 53yo brother whom is also ill and has back pain, because he hurt his back at work years ago. l'm on the Carer Pension and Carer Allowance from Centrelink ( Social security) , so l can't go outside much, l just exercise in my front yard and write in my diary why l'm happy and what l'm grateful for and write down my goals, like l really want to have a place of my own someday, so l'm saving up to buy an apartment or house someday. And l write down my other goals too. Apart from being a Carer l'm doing an Entrepreneur course, and studying French.
      I'm on LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/rose-fernandez-953a6b1a9

  • Mélanie Poitras
    Mélanie Poitras 4 years ago +24

    I am five months post-separation and I'm still dealing with so many different negative emotions on a daily basis. Mostly (and surprisingly for me, because I am usually very sweet-natured, if I do say so myself), it comes down to anger. I find it so unfair that I am left to pick up the pieces, heal with the help of a therapist and struggle to understand how this could have happened to me. While he is probably happily leading a normal life with someone else, and I am long forgotten. It's hard not to let the bitterness consume me.

    • Hyde Ajin
      Hyde Ajin 7 months ago


    • heidi ooohs
      heidi ooohs 2 years ago +2

      I’m dealing with this right now. It’s like being in Hell.

    • Emz Casil
      Emz Casil 3 years ago

      😢😢😢😢move on ...

    • january snow
      january snow 4 years ago

      I am in my forth month away from him. I feel the same. I saw all the warning signs and tried to warn him to save our marriage, but he wouldn't. I was right. now we are divorcing. And he already found someone else while I'm still licking my wounds.

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +1

      Mélanie Poitras absolutely! thank you for watching!

  • Angie Eernisse
    Angie Eernisse 2 years ago +6

    3 yrs in a emotionally abusive relationship, the last straw was him waking up yelling at me for 3 hours! That night I decided he would never change, he hated me and my kids and blamed me for all his failures. The next morning I packed his things while he was at work, when he got home my sons loaded his truck...of course there were words but I stood strong and was determined to end this so that I could have a peaceful life. When he backed out of the driveway I felt a heavy weight lift off my shoulders, my son woke up the next morning and said "my mom has her life back and I have her back, I know it was hard but you made the right decision". It was sooo hard to get to that point, but once it was done my life is mine, it's peaceful and I can go anywhere, do anything, anytime without being accused of crazy things! I'm 55 and I still want to enjoy the rest of my life with or without someone by my side. I'm moving forward, I have gardening, crafts, and home projects to keep me busy, I'm learning new things everyday. Everyday I'm healing, everyday is a new adventure. God is so good, I'm praying, listening to sermons...feeling loved again ❤

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago

      @Angie Eernisse Which country are you from?

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago

      @Angie Eernisse You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?

    • Angie Eernisse
      Angie Eernisse 9 months ago

      @Christian Pulisic thank you.

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago +1

      Angie Eernisse,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

  • FooserX
    FooserX 2 years ago +11

    Love this - so enlightening.
    I would like to say that I don't think one needs to lack self esteem or be codependent to have a trauma bond.
    Like you said, if we haven't learned how to establish boundaries...or trust our intuition...or if someone is lying/manipulating us...we can fall victim to this. I think we can just be inexperienced sometimes and fall for it. My ex would say some mean things...or just flip reality on me out of the blue....but she'd apologize for it the next day as I was contemplating the situation. I genuinely thought she was just working through problems, and was sorry....so I gave her another chance. Soon, the jealousy/abuse/nitpick grew more frequent, while the apologies were further and further apart. It takes a while to realize you're not happy.
    Once you recognize they aren't making you happy, you leave. Staying in these relationships for a long time...yah, that's a co-dependent thing. Sometimes you just don't know until it's too late...sometimes you want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

  • Abiding Happiness
    Abiding Happiness 3 years ago +6

    People do not leave a bad situation, because they are afraid that when they are out, it will be even worse. Especially when somebody depends financially.

  • C R
    C R Year ago +61

    I just realised that i fell in love with someone that doesen't exist. I made an image of a man in my head and now seeing him how he truly is, scares me because i don't know that person. It just feels like i am talking with a different person.

  • Liam
    Liam 6 months ago +4

    I didn’t even know narcissism or even trauma bonding existed. Everything I did to try and save my relationship had to do with my belief in God. “Faith, things hoped for evidence unseen”. I kept praying that God would deliver our relationship but I realized God still gives us free will. My desire to make it work was not her desire. After all the studying I have done both reading and videos……this is real. Now I pray that God delivers me from all this pain and hurt. 🥲🙏🏾

  • natchnieni0
    natchnieni0 3 years ago +72

    I wonder if ADHD people who grew up in codependency is just f**ked. We have trouble remembering things, not to mention lousy self confidence. We're not particularly known for consistency, ourselves. And it's even more difficult to put the picture together when something isn't right.

    • Ranya Perez
      Ranya Perez 10 months ago

      YES YES YES! Literally me I usually forget but then I remember the moments that I felt the most broken.

    • Troyler Phan
      Troyler Phan Year ago +1

      This!! I have ADHD and I’m in an emotional abusive relationship for 2 years. I’m trying to get out of it and I tend to forget what I expected from him, what he did to me and how he did it. I tend to be unconsistent with my ideals the more I forgive, I can’t commit with what I truly want, it changes a lot. When I remember the stuff he did it hurts so bad but then again my moody self is randomly missing the good stuff and he is able to meet that radical change of energy. HELP

    • honeykmusic
      honeykmusic Year ago +4

      Holy moly, this is me. I literally can’t remember half the stuff that he says to me but when I look back at my journal and see what I’ve wrote I’m like omg why am I still here? I remember the feelings but I forget the words yunno. I thought I was just crazy hahaha

    • Happy Thoughts
      Happy Thoughts 2 years ago +2

      @bksusmc great advice bksusmc, i also am doing/attempting meditation & trying to get out into nature, walking, beach etc, i hope things are getting better for you & your daughter, i dont like to judge but is really not very nice to dicard you both after 24 years no matter what wow!! I wish you all the best & much happiness, oh just curious what meditations you listen too?

    • Happy Thoughts
      Happy Thoughts 2 years ago +3

      Ive just been diagnosed at 51 with ADD, it has helped me see a my past & behaviours a little clearer but so difficult yes with codepencey also in a relationship, i didnt know what was going on with me & having an emotionally detatched partner did not help at all, yes natchnieniO i totally get what u r saying, it is so crippling, i was/am really bad for the memory also & when drinking sometimes blackouts with him & certainly isnt nice when they leave u instead of wanting to help & support u, its not there job to fix u i know but everything takes two EVERYTHING, there is a beginning & an ending & support is everything in a relationship especially when triggered by things they did!! And we are left blaming outselves literally feeling crazy!!!!!!! I am still suffering over a year later & cry also but have decided i must work on me like u bksusmc, i am trying to retrain my mind, watch my thoughts, meditate & exercise, i listen to LOTS of motivational videos on utube eg Trent Sheldon, Stephanie Lynn everyday, i put motivational affirmations everywhere, its really hard & knowing hes just off doing what ever without the suffering i am going through, but i will & am determined to come out the other side a much stronger, wiser, happier, awake women & i wish this for all, we are so much more, worth so much more, we just lost our way to others, reclaim your power as TRENT SHELTON hammers into u!!! Much love ❤

  • Lisa Marie Inspired by nature

    Thank you🦋💕✨ This really resonated with me! Tough to hear but needed it😌

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +6

      Raw Lisa it is extremely hard to hear believe me I have been there but knowledge is power to heal!

  • Ana Lopez
    Ana Lopez 9 months ago +3

    This was the most helpful video depicting my experience. I was addicted to the pain and it was so so so so scary to think about letting go and being by myself. It’s only been a couple of weeks and I’m still crying every day but I have hope that it will get better

  • Sick Chick
    Sick Chick 3 years ago +11

    Thank you for all your videos. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 married to a narc. I want you to know you give me hope. I start each day with one of your videos and what a difference they have made in my life, I now know I’m not alone ❤️

  • Briana Reyes
    Briana Reyes 11 months ago +11

    Wow. I need to listen to this video every single day until I I am free. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it randomly. It is very eye opening. Thank you, Stephanie.

  • Gina Morales
    Gina Morales 2 years ago +8

    Thank you for explaining this...I am recently going through leaving a bad relationship...finally...but it's so hard and I didn't realize that it definately was feeling like an addiction...So again, thank you for this video...

  • Silv Ana
    Silv Ana 3 years ago +17

    Thank you 😊 you described me in my 17 year relationship perfectly and the process of how I left it a year and a half ago. I wanted to be happy. I’m still working on this and loving myself and my boundaries,

  • SF
    SF 2 years ago +3

    This was so helpful. I’m experiencing this currently with someone I’ve been involved with on and off over twenty years since I was groomed and exploited by them as a teen. You describe it perfectly and also give me hope of breaking free now once and for all. Thank you.

  • realist noPC
    realist noPC 4 years ago +2

    You give great advice. You put into words what I'm going through like you can read my mind. I'm still in the midst of this emotionally abusive relationship. I have kids and a grandchild. I'm financially stuck with debt. We now after all these years can just coexist under the same roof but it is very lonely. And now my oldest son has started emotionally abusing me too. I'm in my late 40's and fight feeling like my life is over.

  • Christina Naugle
    Christina Naugle 2 years ago +12

    Been in and out of a relationship with the same person for 10 yrs. I kept going back knowing how much he’d hurt me emotionally, but like you said it’s like a drug and you just want them to love you and then they say the right things and your right back not holding them accountable for what they’ve done. I’ve finally found the inner strength to leave, more so he quit talking to me which is probably the best thing that could have happened but it stings and hurts like hell and I just want to pick up that phone or text him knowing he’s not good for me, but this time I haven’t and I won’t. I’ve been hard on myself blaming why didn’t I leave sooner but I’m fighting and trying to practice self love. Thank you for this video, it really validates what I’m feeling.. ❤️

    • Eisha Esh
      Eisha Esh 6 months ago +1

      I've been in my situation for 10 years too and I'm so stuck and feel ashamed. He can be nice one day and within hours it changes. He'll wear that biggest smile outside and so that I won't look like the crazy or mean one I'll smile too and play like I'm happy when I'm so broken inside. Please pray for me because it's bad because know I deserve better.

  • Kelly Girl
    Kelly Girl 3 years ago +16

    Thank you Stephanie for sharing such great thoughts on RU-clip. You are helping me move forward one day at a time. I'm 8 months out and just saw my narc with his new supply who looks half his age. Kinda makes sense given his emotional level. I've decided to choose happiness and start living life from the inside out. Thank you again for keeping me motivated! 💓

  • AbiGail A
    AbiGail A 3 years ago +90

    What if your partner makes you feel like if you don’t meet their standards. Like if your the person ruining the marriage. It’s so hard I feel like I know I’m in a emotional abusive marriage but I feel crazy because sometimes I feel like it’s all my fault I ask him to leave but he doesn’t 😭

    • KaYsEa24
      KaYsEa24 11 months ago +1

      I'm in the same situation, but I deal with depression and anxiety. But it's always my fault.


      Because he is narcissistic...he had twisted the blame and has made you feel guilty and he is the victim. That's how they toy with your brain

    • A c
      A c 2 years ago +1

      @Shirley Kase oh sorry its ur house ring the police and go to family court of not for u for ur kids.. Xx

    • A c
      A c 2 years ago

      @Shirley Kase u always have a choice go and live in a women's refuge there great and you well get a house of the government and he well never change and he will start on the kids soon.

    • A c
      A c 2 years ago +6

      Yes that's what they do and they'll always belittle you and hurt u embassies u etc and I go out and look a man he well say I'm flirting and he well go on and on for 2 days and 2 nights saying I'm not loyal and I can't be around men as he doesn't trust me and I know I don't do that as I'm a good loyal person and he knows deep down but weh he say that it hurts so much and it's soo rude and desresptful.. Etc hell never change u well have a nervous breakdown

  • Kate Parsons
    Kate Parsons 8 months ago +5

    Even though this was 3 yrs ago, I just heard it for the first time tonight. I needed to hear this. I have been stuck for way too long. Thank you💗

    • James Armstrong
      James Armstrong 7 months ago

      Kate Parsons,You look gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....

  • Vicki Barker
    Vicki Barker 3 years ago +16

    Thank you so much for this video. The way you explain the addiction and the huge difficulty of breaking the trauma bond is awesome. It is like you take me by the hand and lovingly explain how this has happened and how I need to change it. It is done with the utmost kindness and understanding of the complexity and confusion of this experience. I needed to hear this and I am very thankful. You are doing amazing work and please keep doing it, it is helping people set themselves free from an epidemic of unhealthy relationships.

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago

      Vicki Barker,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!

  • Cora Ruth
    Cora Ruth 2 years ago +3

    Your videos are giving me the strength to end my marriage with my abusive husband. Thankfully we have no children and it is early on. Only been married for six months and it has been such a terrible rollercoaster. Verbal, mental, physical abuse. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting all these videos. I’m still trying to stay strong 💜

  • Jody Dube
    Jody Dube 9 months ago +1

    I had this very sort of conversation with a friend who is stuck in an abusive and unhealthy relationship just last night. I will definitely share this video with that friend. You make so much sense! Your message is clear and you communicate these concepts extremely well. Bravo!! You're doing important work!

  • craigzilla100
    craigzilla100 4 years ago +11

    Amazing video, and it hit right at home. Honestly I thought trauma bonding meant going through a traumatic event (such as a train crash) together and then connecting because of it. But this makes perfect sense. I've been in such a relationship for a few years, and felt the pain in my gut. I knew it was wrong, and everyone around me knew, but I couldn't get away. Mostly because we have 2 beautiful kids who I couldn't bear to leave and destroy by doing so. We've been separated for a month and I started the divorce process, but I'm just having the hardest time going through with it. It was emotional, as well as physical abuse- gaslighting, degrading remarks, threats of taking the kids from me, constant emails and texts all day, being woken up all night to fight even though I had to work the next day. the whole nine yards.. An addiction is an accurate way to describe it. Now that I've left, she has immediately stopped drinking and turned around and tried to be super sweet, loving and apologetic. I feel that I'm falling into it again, and the guilt of not being home with my kids is astonishingly painful, which makes me even weaker and more prone to falling back in.. she's begging me to go to counseling, rather than move forward with the divorce.. do you exhaust your options and try the counseling, or follow your gut and mind and end it? It's the hardest and most painful thing I've ever faced in my life. I know counseling just for the kids , probably isn't a good enough reason, so I'm trying to search my heart for enough love to even try to forgive and go into counseling with a conscience effort to fix it. What a nightmare.. and thanks for your videos!! You do a wonderful job and help so many. people through their struggles.

    • Drew D
      Drew D 5 months ago

      Thank you Stephanie. I feel like being in a abusive relationship with kids is the hardest situation to face. But I guess as long as you know your child is in a stable environment, you can rest easy even if the abusive partner prevents you from seeing your children.

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +7

      craigzilla100 kids need to be in stable environments. Period. They may have periods growing up where they are upset with you or your ex.. but as they become adults and learn about what happened they will see why you did it. Yes we should never take divorce lightly and try every option BUT we cannot do it alone.

    • craigzilla100
      craigzilla100 4 years ago +2

      Stephanie Lyn Coaching I think my hesitation is the sheer guilt of doing this to the kids. The words of my wife and her mother are having an impact- that we should exhaust all options before ending it. My wife grew up in a divorced home, and so did most of her friends- so their only reference is that divorce will absolutely destroy the kids. That is definitely impacting me. But I feel that what took place can't be forgiven so quickly, and I can't just push it aside. Will this do permanent damage to the kids, and Will they forever see me as the one who "broke apart the family"? I appreciate your response.

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  4 years ago +3

      craigzilla100 thank you for your kind words! Regarding your situation you have to trust your gut. What is your hesitation with going forward with the divorce (if that’s what you want to do)?

  • RainmanRapper
    RainmanRapper 2 years ago +2

    this is a video that everyone needs to see. I read that in a response to a comment.
    I can relate to this. A lot.
    Nice guys/girls finish last.
    Even in the military, there are still loop holes.
    We all have a rainbow that we project, but if we focus on the colors in between what's shown, in ourselves and partners... we'll be able to see the light Steph is sharing.
    Thank you Steph. You've helped guide me.
    And I know I'm not alone.

  • Ishaan- Dating & Relationships

    This is so powerful, thanks for putting this out. You're helping a lot of people Stephanie.

  • Lily Lily
    Lily Lily 2 years ago +5

    I was done with crying and couldn't cry until I finally finished this video. Took me 10 mins and I cried, couldn't hold my tears. I feel like a failure for not taking this guy out of my mind. Deep down I knew he was not for me because he would always put me down, always angry at me and sometimes even belittles me. And then I would think about the fun things we did together and say to myself that probably it wasn't that bad. I really desperately wanted him to change, but he told me he will not. I'm in college, work, no kids, and feel like a failure for chasing after this guy when I know he is not good enough for me. Sending him text messages at night telling him how I feel. But like you said it's a drug addiction. It is hard to let go, but I'm going to make the effort to change and love myself first. I really hope it works.

    • Eros Sutra
      Eros Sutra 2 years ago +1

      Lily Lily I knew someone in this situation, give each other a month apart, no phone calls, no texts, no looking at photos of you two together, and no seeing each other, after a month and possibly a few more weeks, the fog of this obsession will dissipate and you’ll start to think more rationally about the situation which will help you make better decisions, in that month just busy yourself as much as possible, occupy your mind on other things and work on your self-esteem by taking care of yourself with exercise, healthy foods and so forth, just be selfish this time, I gave this advice to someone years ago and it worked for her

  • Metron 3000
    Metron 3000 2 years ago +1

    You are the reason I now feel sane. I felt like I was stuck in a FRIENDSHIP! You could have easily called it a marriage though, or maybe a slave and master. Regardless, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I thought I was going crazy and I had lost who I was. Your videos have made me learn so much! Thank you!!!

  • genuine jade
    genuine jade 3 years ago +3

    Stephanie, thank you so much for this training! I know that I'm on the right track! And from now on I will change the "blueprint" and define what makes me happy. 😍

  • JJ Lee
    JJ Lee Year ago +4

    Thank you for this!! It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling for years.

  • Purple Mountain Dreams
    Purple Mountain Dreams 7 months ago +2

    Take notes, this video is truly a step-by-step tutorial for breaking up with your abusive partner and empowering yourself

  • Raghvi Jain
    Raghvi Jain Year ago +1

    Each and every word in this video is so true! This actually happens and we don't even recognise that this is what we are going through "trauma bonding". You are amazing and thankyou so much for educating us on this topic. I feel so much better now!

  • Samantha Sandefer
    Samantha Sandefer Year ago +2

    This has helped me so very much and I really thank you! I am still in my relationship but want to leave and have a better life but I am so afraid and you are so right about it being an addiction! You cover all aspects of this so well and I really appreciate it! It gives me courage and validity in my thinking! Time to do the work!

    KAYLA ROSE 3 years ago +7

    You’re literally saving me.. I’m so forever grateful I found your channel 😭😭 thank you for the work you do!!

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago

      KAYLA ROSE,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!

  • Pamela Kelley
    Pamela Kelley 2 years ago +2

    Yes, I had this dream for 37 years that some day we would be together in a "Happy Ever After" we were finally able to be together again but this person had changed so much and been in such a horrible abusive, manipulative marriage for 25 years that he brought all that + into our relationship so after 3 years of his abuse I have to walk away and put the dream behind me.

  • ShaniaJane
    ShaniaJane 2 years ago +108

    My ex told me after I would leave he would tell everyone I was pshyco when I left yesterday and he was spitting in my face and he was calling me a bitch and all this stuff. I packed up my stuff and left after 8 months.

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 6 months ago

      Because he’s trying to keep you with him he doesn’t want to lose you. I had an ex told me that I would never leave him but I did

      ANURANJANA 7 months ago +1

      what a fucker he is......I hope you are doing well.

      DOUBLE D AKA KING DAVID 8 months ago

      Smart 💯🙏🏽

    • Dulce Cervantes
      Dulce Cervantes 10 months ago

      Wow congrats to you

    • Lisa Smith
      Lisa Smith Year ago +3

      I am proud of you for leaving. Don't go back.

  • Hilary Roselli
    Hilary Roselli 3 years ago +1

    Thank you so much for posting these videos, especially this one. I needed this today kite than anything because this is EXACTLY what I have been experiencing for two years and I was going through the grieving stages and started wondering if it is really me? If I’m the problem more so than not. This explains everything. Thank you so much!

  • Sarah Bronzo
    Sarah Bronzo 2 years ago +1

    This helped answer a lot of questions and feelings I had. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship for 4 years. We are married and have an autistic boy. We are now in the process of getting a divorce. Even though I made the decision to leave it still hurts. He goes back and forth from telling me he misses me and loves me and that he'll change to telling me that I'm a piece of crap and I deserve to be hurting and so much worse things. And I couldn't understand why even though I want to leave I still miss him and I miss his touch and his voice and his comfort. I know I can't go back. I know I have to protect my son and do what's best. But I just wish I'd stop missing him. I wish this pain would just go away.

  • eidetic 2015
    eidetic 2015 3 years ago +1

    Hi Stephanie. As usual I'm watching another very timely and spot on video about my relationship. So today was yet another one of those exhausting and emotionally draining days when my boyfriend of eight years was on his game. I don't know about anybody else, but realizing that the person you think is a great guy and genuinely cares about you often requires many years as his inherent personality traits insidiously find their way into your physical and mental well-being. I have a comment again but for now I just wanted to share and see if other viewers share some commonalities. Thank you Stephanie :-)

  • Yvonne
    Yvonne 9 months ago +1

    This is so helpful. Thanks Stephanie. I’m too scared to tell others I’m in this relationship & I feel I are a “friend” who is encouraging me to make the step. This means a lot. Thanks

  • Alexis Nungaray
    Alexis Nungaray Year ago +1

    I very much appreciate what you do. You are really helping me take this step by step. I really don’t think I could be as strong if it wasn’t for sitting here actually listening to you. Thank you for helping me save myself, really thank you from the bottom of my heart.💛

  • Janitza Nicolette_PR
    Janitza Nicolette_PR 2 years ago +1

    OMG! I really needed to hear this!! Been making myself all those questions... This is my first time being in a relationship like this, 7 years has passed and I've been trying to leave him since my daughter was born and she is 5 years old right now!!! Been taking pills 1 year now for my severe depression (thanks to my life with him) And NOW I feel I finally have the strength to let go. Why is it so hard, I just wanna be who I used to be! I hate that I've changed so much. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

  • Paul Vartanian
    Paul Vartanian 7 months ago +3

    Out of all your videos this one hit home the most... I never realized how over the past 25 years I changed me to try to make them Happy which was/is unattainable..

  • Allie Cat
    Allie Cat 8 months ago +2

    This video was so helpful to me. It definitely feels like a drug addiction with the ups and downs. I still want this person to love me after 35 years and he is not. I now understand that I project onto him who I think he is and how he will react if I were to reconnect with him. But he was never who I thought he was to begin with.

  • Shane Kelley
    Shane Kelley 2 years ago +1

    This video (and a few others) really hit home with me and thoroughly explains what I've been going through for 8 years. Thank you so much for the work you are doing!!!

  • izabela towarek
    izabela towarek 3 years ago +1

    What you said in this video, is exactly what I'm going through. I've been in relationship with this guy for 10 years. We have one child together, and I have another child from previous relationship. At first everything was so beautiful, like every one is experiencing, but after a while every thing started to change for the worse. Eventually it got to the point where I was blamed for everything and every one. The more I cried and beg, the more he didn't care. But the shatty thing is , that I still think that I love him and I want to be with him. Please help.

  • Jessica Gomez
    Jessica Gomez 2 years ago +12

    I've never cried so much... thank you for helping me understand.

  • Noel H
    Noel H 6 months ago

    This was extremely helpful and exactly what I’ve been going through for 4 years

  • CD
    CD 2 years ago +1

    Another fantastic video - I needed this so much! Thank you Stephanie this applies to my situation 100%. I am a month out of the third break up of a trauma bond (8 month experience). I am a widow and this new man came into my life when I was so vulnerable - he knew that and preyed on me. It definitely feels like a drug addiction - I have withdrawals for him & how he made me feel. Because I was so sad when he came into my life, he made me so happy (or so I thought). Only to leave me over stupid little reasons, then we get back together. As I said it's the 3rd time now and I know I have to close this door. Even though I still want to be with him down deep, he's not real as you said. Thank you so much keep up these videos they help so much!

  • Princess Pat
    Princess Pat Year ago +1

    i have watched a lot of self help videos but this one was so far the best for me. I really love your way of explaining and how you also keep in mind that some people will judge themselves or be overwhelmed with the big picture

  • Lily Vega
    Lily Vega 8 months ago +1

    Addiction? Wow, never thought of it that way. This makes so much sense. Been dating someone for a year where I feel like I’m doing all the work. Can’t really identify him as a narcissist or abuser. My problem is I don’t feel like a priority and I am physically and emotionally neglected in this relationship. Can’t for the life of me, understand why I’ve settled for this.

  • Pradeep Gunda
    Pradeep Gunda 2 years ago

    Can’t thank you enough Stephanie, your videos provide a lot of answers, I was depressed, used to question myself, my sanity, and constantly tried make the other person happy so that we can have a healthy relationship but it was never successful! I got into sleep issues, anxiety , and total stress! I always used to believe it’s my fault and it’s me who needs to change but now it all makes sense! God bless you Stephanie, you are a life saver!

  • Lindsay Johnson
    Lindsay Johnson 4 years ago +5

    This video could not have been posted at a better time for me personally. Thank you, Stephanie. I appreciate your work.

  • Toya Bandz
    Toya Bandz 2 years ago +2

    Stephanie. I just want to personally thank YOU for allowing all to benefit from your knowledge & arm us with tools to takr care of ourselves. I just camr across your videos @ the right time. It helped to understand. Your ability to break. This complicated matter into bite size parts is amazing & made me feel so much BETTER. 🙏 ❤

  • D Deeze
    D Deeze 2 years ago +12

    You just hit every nail on the head for me in this video - it’s like 4am and I’ve been up for an hour just thinking about all this stuff.. it’s like the universe personally hand wrapped and delivered exactly what I needed to hear. From where I stand, that’s a pretty wild experience.
    Thank you thank you yet again

    • Shaniece Gullison
      Shaniece Gullison 9 months ago +1

      I remember the moment this exactly happened to me
      It was amazing yet the wierdest feeling in the world
      It was the moment we woke up

  • Kimberly Trent
    Kimberly Trent Year ago +2

    Wow. Exactly what I needed to hear. I cannot thank you enough. It IS like an addiction. It's just as hard as getting away from alcohol 😳. This video gives me so much hope.. Growing up with abusive parents really does give you high abuse tolerance, it's just crazy how "love" and "abuse" become tangled ☹️

  • Lisa
    Lisa Year ago +2

    Because emotional abuse is a gradual process....it took me 20years of marriage to finally understand that all those hurts I felt was really emotional abuse. Also, I have no relatives or trustworthy friend so it made it difficult to move out of the relationship even though my mom always told me to move on and get someone else!

  • maia
    maia 2 years ago +1

    I really really really needed to hear all this. Thank you. This overwhelming process you talk about is crippling me from leaving... I’ll take it little by little cause I need this for myself.

  • Matthew Aikido
    Matthew Aikido 3 years ago

    Stephanie, im so thankful you posted this because im in that exact situation. She's having my baby, im living with her, always had faith in her because im addicted to seeing the good in people. I sat down and watched one of your videos on emotional manipulation and i said lets watch this together and pause on the signs and admit if we carry them or not and I'll do it too since my mom was a narcissist. It worked and she opened her eyes and became the person i thought she wanted to be.. until yesterday she went back to her manipulation tactics. Im an empath as much as it gets.. and i need help too... this has been patterning me for a long time now. So im thankful i have your videos for guidance on that there's no other way to handle this but to walk

  • Ooo Wee Baby!
    Ooo Wee Baby! 3 years ago +7

    seems impossible to escape all abuse but we can improve!

  • Christine Purdue
    Christine Purdue Year ago +1

    After 17 years of a very physically and emotionally abusive marriage I finally left for good. Honestly it took a good 2 or 3 years of being completely away from him to see the total dysfunction in myself. To see the trauma bond.
    I may remarry one day but you really need to make sure you don't fall into the same trap. You must be very self aware and whole. As the video describes, I kept seeing the good in him and excusing the bad.
    He briefly came back into my life for a few weeks a year ago and I absolutely saw this evil person. I saw the manipulation tactics from healthy eyes. The self-pity and fake tears. Instead of consoling him, I was sickened by him. I cannot believe how one can take so many years to realize this.
    But once you do - you can have the most peaceful existence with healthy boundaries. It was a lot of soul searching and videos like this that did the trick.

  • Aliz D10
    Aliz D10 8 months ago +3

    Today's been a hard day for me. I feel lonely and for whatever reason I miss talking to my toxic friends/loved ones. I rarely share my feelings and difficulties anymore like I did before because they've use it against me in an argument, I have placed strong boundaries, while I grow in new relationships but I have to say the fact that I could tell them what was bothering me and they listened made me feel like they loved me. That little bit of attention made me feel seen.

  • Jenny Rodriguez
    Jenny Rodriguez Year ago +1

    I can't believe how spot on this is about my relationship. I am thankful that I came across it. I am learning so much and I hope I get the courage soon to get out of this relationship.

  • Sean Blackwell
    Sean Blackwell Year ago

    Gosh Stephanie, this is so much on the mark, it's actually scary. I've not heard of trauma bonding before. I can feel the emotions emerging as you're going through these things. They feel so real. I will listen to it again straight after, as I can't believe how real these things are. Bless you. ❤

  • EzQuiRa10
    EzQuiRa10 Year ago +2

    I have seven kids now with their father,,and I'm in a "abusive relationship" in 14 years straight HAHAHA...I feel so blessed coz God saved me and open my eyes from that foolishness...now I'm here in Qatar working for my kids and for our future . Thanks for ur video 😇

  • Heather Soria
    Heather Soria 11 months ago +3

    Thank you for all your videos ❤️❤️
    You’re truly opening my eyes to what I’ve been blind to. Giving me courage to take a stand and walk away.
    I jumped into a relationship after my divorce of 13 years and I truly feel I should have spent time learning to love myself. I’ve been in this relationship 2 years and watched the man I thought I was with change rapidly. We use to be able to talk but now he gives me the silent treatment or tells me I’m picking a fight if I disagree with him or want to discuss our issues. He tells me I can’t ask questions because he doesn’t owe me explanations for just random stuff. Then it’s starts a fight and he blames me, because I should just accept what he says and keep going. It’s an endless hamster wheel of promises to change and be better with no results. This last year of our relationship has taken a toll on me and at this point I just need to learn to let go. My kids deserve the best version of me, which is why I left my toxic ex, and even though the idea of being alone scares me I feel like I have to stand up for myself if I don’t want to live an unhappy life.

  • badass1g
    badass1g 3 years ago +1

    I have been in that exact position and it was exactly like a drug addiction... it took me meeting someone new to finally leave that crazy woman behind. Ugh that part of my life was a living nightmare that I was stuck in for years. Lesson learned.

  • Spanish Sky
    Spanish Sky Year ago

    Thank you, I absolutely needed to hear this today, it’s as if you were speaking directly to me, I’ve spent 4 years trying to understand why I can’t seem to leave and stay away and previously to this relationship I spent 23 years married to a malignant narcissist I had no idea there was such a thing as a trauma bond I kept waiting for the man I fell for to come back.. I never realised I should be looking inward I spent all my energy trying to prop them up.. thank you for the concise information, you may have just saved me from myself❤️

  • Bethany Brown
    Bethany Brown Year ago +2

    This video just go through to me for the first time more than any advice or video I've ever watched. I have been in a trauma bodned/ narcissist relationship for two years now. It's been awful for about a year and a half. Thank you for this video 💗

  • Lorraine Dash
    Lorraine Dash 2 years ago +1

    Stephanie, this explains exactly what is happening to me, it now makes perfect sense. Thank you for this, I think I can try and be on the right path now with this understanding. Thankyou