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Gaslighting & Manipulation.. the Narcissist's Favorite Things!

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  • Published on Jan 7, 2018
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Comments • 2 511

  • Laura Rose
    Laura Rose Year ago +285

    The worst thing about gaslighting is that you can watch videos, read every article about it on the internet, identify with every example and know that the results on the victim is everything you are feeling and still question if you are overreacting or being too sensitive, still make excuses for their behaviour and feel guilty for thinking about leaving. I don't even know who I am anymore.

    • Nathan Kraiem
      Nathan Kraiem Day ago

      I only found these vids after I broke it off... but It rarely occurs to me that she was LGas-lighting bc I was used to it from my wife of 23 yrs and also my upbringing. But ALL Good now...

    • Rachel Karr
      Rachel Karr 3 months ago +1

      That's exactly why we were in this relationshit and stayed far too longer than we should've and if/when we ever get out of it, we're traumatized and need therapy and are broken and need to heal and put alot of work into getting ourselves healthy and happy again. Because we do feel that way. I had never heard of gaslighting unfortunately until a little over a year ago when I ended up in a domestic violence shelter with a broken face, broken heart, broken soul and more. It's still hard as hell to not only get away and get out! But to begin to heal and actually honestly begin to love, trust and respect yourself again, or even for the first time. But that takes time, consistency and work. I had no faith in myself and wasn't sure I could survive all alone and support myself and trust what I felt and what he put me through without always doubting myself, my feelings, my memory, my sanity and not 2nd guess whether it's me being too sensitive or that a really bad incident really wasn't as bad as I thought. One time I was strangled where it completely blocked my airway. Could not get any air in or out or even gasp.. just completely stopped and it took me about 30 minutes to even really catch my breath again and my throat hurt to swallow or talk or eat and drink for a couple week after. And yet 30 minutes afterwards when I finally caught my breath, he seriously called me a liar! And it wasn't like we were around anyone and he didn't want them to know. It was just me and him. And he still denied choking me and called me a liar and called me crazy. what in actual Fuuuuuc 😳?!?! Who does that !? I knew it happened but I began to think maybe it wasn't as bad or big of a deal as I was thinking or felt. Instead of believing and seeing I for what tf it was. A psycho just choked me and abused me and if that wasn't crazy enough he lied denied and accused me for it!! Wonder why it's easier for us to believe it's something to do with us rather than that person. After I left and began working and got into my own first apartment by myself and was actually taking care of my own survival and wasn't depending on him for that, over some time I actually gained self love and respect. I also got to be around others getting out working and not just stuck inside the hell he created for me. I became happier than I thought I ever could or would be without him and was really beginning to get healthier. UNTIL after about 5 months, we started to speak again and I was dumb enough to think we could have a good friendship. Or any friendship. They're not our friends. ONLY when they're trying to get what they want outa it. But God forbid you need help or have to count on them. You'll be let down and hurt and confused again and again. Every damn time kicking yourself in the ass for allowing them to do it to you AGAIN. I slowly began to go backwards again, anxiety depression, hurt and confused and isolated again. But it didn't go on very long this time and I didn't wait until I had completely lost everything and everyone else again to realize I was definitely heading there and that's when I finally realized I had been truly fighting a losing battle for several years and I'll be doing it for as long as he's in my life. Protect your heart mind feelings and soul because they'll be shit on and crushed over and over and you will never ever be able to explain any of what they do and how it makes you feel or the damage they're causing or that it'll be the end of your relationship if they value it. Nothing will work and it's extremely hurtful wondering why and feeling it's you you're not good enough they don't love you enough and on and on. It's not you, there's nothing you can or will do to make things different or better and they will never be the Person you thought they were or was in love with. You only see glimpses of that person here and there and that makes you think there's hope and they could be that person. But it's like you see a glimpse of a preview to a movie and believe that's gonna be a great movie and are excited to see it. But the movie sucked 😕 Those mentally unhealthy demons ARE a bad movie! Preview looked really good. But you spent te you can't ever get back watching a long awful movie that you paid for too lol

    • Josh Paterson
      Josh Paterson 5 months ago

      You just described what I am going through exactly.

    • Mira Meyer
      Mira Meyer 5 months ago

      I’m so sorry... this is exactly how I feel right now. I hope you’re in a better spot now love

    • ninafrost
      ninafrost 6 months ago

      I understand. I dated this guy who constantly villainized me. I was always so confused on whether I was a POS or whether I had a right to feel what I felt. Every time i tried to talk reasonably with this guy, it constantly felt like he was shitting on me - like I was the shitty person, I did everything wrong, he did everything normal and right but I was the one who kept on messing it up. And I felt guilty and afraid and felt I had to walk on eggshells when I was around him, even talking to him. What a weird place to be in.

  • Therapeutic Eating
    Therapeutic Eating 2 years ago +62

    The “you’re too sensitive” was the real kicker for me. So sad I lived with that as long as I did. And that’s the horrific part of gaslighting - it’s BLINDING.

    • Nathan Kraiem
      Nathan Kraiem Day ago

      Same- and I was just staying silent instead of validating myself and who I am. I did occasion say " so go date a jerk".

    • Josh Paterson
      Josh Paterson 3 months ago

      When I showed any weakness or sadness, I was told "you are such a victim". This is while she is cheating on me and I am supporting her in every way possible.

    • Tara Langton
      Tara Langton 6 months ago +1

      Been there myself sister! I hope you are doing awesome today! 💜👊

  • Diana Lerêve
    Diana Lerêve 10 months ago +69

    "It's not our job to convince someone of what we think and how we feel" - you nailed it! I think this one is essential

  • Johnny Red
    Johnny Red Year ago +142

    These narcissists don't think they are narcissists, and they don't know they gaslight and manipulate. It's pretty much impossible to get them to see it.

    • WIGS N' WINE
      WIGS N' WINE 7 months ago +1

      TRUE.

    • Heather Cashwell
      Heather Cashwell 8 months ago +5

      No it’s true they cannot ever see themselves. Ever

    • Lisa Wright
      Lisa Wright 10 months ago +1

      Exactly. He just can't see it.

    • Matt Winstead
      Matt Winstead Year ago +8

      Yes, great comment. They believe in a false self so anything that gets in the way of that such as your comment or my comment will be destroyed. At ALL costs! This is where they might get physically violent

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago +17

      There’s nothing you can say or do to get them to look inward.

  • Ashley Lauren
    Ashley Lauren 2 years ago +39

    Word for word ! My husband would say "here we go again " "you make things up" "you make up memories" "you're too sensitive" "everyone is afraid to speak around you it's like walking in eggshells" I really started to think it was true

    • Brian Sturgeon
      Brian Sturgeon 8 months ago

      My wife does the same stuff, but I'm the only one she does it to. There is almost no point in even telling her anything because I ALWAYS end up feeling worse than I did to begin with. But if I hold stuff in, then I end up blowing up and that don't work either.

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      Ashley Lauren, Hope you are not with a narc 😈 cause you are too pretty!🌷🌷🌹🌷

  • 57ashdot
    57ashdot Year ago +127

    My ex wife was a covert narcissist. She withheld affection, made me feel like a crazy person. I contemplated suicide often. Ive been divorced and away from her for a year and the effects still linger. My self confidence is trashed and I still really can't trust people anymore. My therapist said I have PTSD and it's symptoms (like anhedonia aka. emtional flatlining, you feel robotic) as part of the manipulation I was subjected to. These people are slow poison and you need to be so careful of them.

    • Josh Paterson
      Josh Paterson 3 months ago

      @Mark Markko Thanks bud!

    • Josh Paterson
      Josh Paterson 3 months ago

      @Mark Markko Dude, you are so right. 45 days of no contact and she's back apologizing and "missing our friendship". Every email/text just opens up the wounds again. Sometimes it's hard to maintain...

    • kilpel2
      kilpel2 4 months ago

      @terralynn kesselring Don't give up, the light at the end of the tunnel could be just around the corner. Hope you are okay today.

    • Norman Prupas
      Norman Prupas 7 months ago

      Hi I’m just discovering this chat I don’t know how to access it
      I’m definitely kicked around by my narccist wife she has got me where she wants me

  • Angie Serizawa
    Angie Serizawa 10 months ago +9

    Mine said “ Who you’ve been talking to?” Another thing they do is that they try to isolate you. Working on loving myself! Thank you so much for your videos 🙏

  • Caroline Adkins
    Caroline Adkins Year ago +22

    I just want to say to everyone on this thread - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’ve recently broken up with a narc friend, sister and father and it almost broke me, but I promise there’s light on the other side ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Samantha Trev
      Samantha Trev 10 months ago +1

      Thats me right now. My whole family are narcs and my sons father. I used to hate being alone (codependency from all the abuseeee) but now im happy to not have any of them in my life ! Embrace being alone !!!!

  • Jessica // Sales Consultant
    Jessica // Sales Consultant 4 years ago +1066

    I started getting really good at identifying these tactics and protecting myself. My narcissist tried many tactics and became frustrated. I laughed when he said “ You have changed. You are a horrible person. You have gotten much worse since I’ve met you.” In my head I was thinking “ Yeah I’m so terrible for not allowing your behavior.” I knew I was finally standing up for myself and it was confirmation I was pulling away. We both felt it :-)

    • Josh Paterson
      Josh Paterson 3 months ago

      Wow, I had the exact same thing said to me when I fired my ex from the marketing company that I purchased for her. She had been lying and cheating on me for 2 months and she was shocked when I fired her. Her exact words, "I don't even know who you are. I will never forgive you." Just delusional.

    • Kitty & Cat
      Kitty & Cat 5 months ago

      @madelaine banchs I think it is so important to have those inner wounds healed (or well on the way) before putting yourself in a place where you will hear these things.
      The reason I say this is because isn’t the reason we end up with people like this, in a large part, because we have a wounded and incorrect self image?
      For some, if they hear these words and they are not strong, they are at to fall back into believing that they are the one in the wrong once again.
      (Thoughts like: “He (or she) must be right. I am such an awful person. It must be my fault.”)
      Then the person may be right back where they started from, having to fight again to heal those inner wounds.
      This will be especially true if they had been kept isolated from family, friends or therapy. That is why I believe that we should be as strong as possible and have some type of network, if possible, when we start to stand up for ourselves.
      And also, many of these narcissists are much more subtle in the way they can manipulate.
      It might not be overt as, “You have changed. You’re not the same. You’re a horrible person now.”
      It could be more like, “Why are you treating me this way? What have I done to deserve you treating me so differently?”
      Or even in the form of love bombing. They see the change, and realize what is happening, so they begin to shower you with kindness and whatever it will take to hold onto you. Trying to convince you that they are “really trying to change, too.”
      Does any of this make sense?

    • Kitty & Cat
      Kitty & Cat 5 months ago

      @Jon Smith maybe a deeper form of betrayal, in God’s eyes as well, is to “bear false witness.” When a man pretends to be something he is not (a good provider, a faithful husband) that is surely bearing false witness. In fact, the Bible says that a man who does not provide for his family is “worse than an infidel.”
      You say not justified unless death or infidelity. Therefore, from (your own mouth) it follows that “worse than an infidel” would be just cause for leaving.

    • Kristen Smith
      Kristen Smith 5 months ago

      Mine is angry with me too, since I have been educating myself more on this. I finally really stood up for myself this past Sunday to him. I told him, I am no longer taking this emotional abuse from you anymore! He was angry about it.

  • Nash _
    Nash _ Year ago +93

    I was told I’m being “too emotional” and need to “manage my emotions” lol. The person didn’t even ask if I’m okay! Lol

    • morosso
      morosso Year ago

      geez,,, i got those same exact words from her and lots of other red flags to boot LOL. good thing i figured it out too soon and what makes me think to RUN.
      no more confusion, asking myself WHY? there's pain of course but just realizing that she's the real problem,,,,, now i know she doesn't have the worth chasing after.
      get lost you,,,,,,,,

    • Exactly2019 Exactly2019
      Exactly2019 Exactly2019 Year ago

      @It's Isabell Vulnerable women are their favorite targets. It's like a quick game they can win and get a rush off of. If you had been stronger at the time, He would have been jealous and probably tried another way to knock you down. Such a jerk.

    • Exactly2019 Exactly2019
      Exactly2019 Exactly2019 Year ago

      Oh yeah, how dare you react to being abused, you must hold Still and freeze like a robot , and never defend yourself while they abuse you. Organizations have these , as well as marriages. These people are so sick , and I'm so sick of them.

    • Nash _
      Nash _ Year ago

      It's Isabell aw sorry you went through that, that was so patronising.

    • It's Isabell
      It's Isabell Year ago +5

      Same! I was told I should manage my emotions as a woman...coming from a man who could not control his raging words. Yet when I was pregnant and during the post partum stage did he care to even ask how I felt....nope instead he used my vulnerability and love as a way to hurt my feelings even more.

  • Harmonyhope
    Harmonyhope 2 years ago +28

    Always being told I'm delusional, too sensitive, overreacting, exaggerating, being ridiculous, having a breakdown...... It is so frustrating!!!
    Learning what this is and stepping away from the confrontation and just putting myself into an the protective bubble!!
    Really wish there was more education out there as this has happened since childhood and I'm now 40 and finally realising what is happening!!!! (narcissistic mother) hard to know who I really am as it's been going on for so long. I need to find my identity and build up a new sense of self.

  • I
    I 2 years ago +97

    I can't believe this wow. The symptoms totally resonated with me but I subconsciously didn't want to believe that it was happening because I loved the guy so much and wanted to see the best in him. Man.. we really need to stop giving too much to people who can't give back.

  • Angela Barnes
    Angela Barnes 2 years ago +670

    "How dare you not believe me when I'm lying to your face!!!!" lol

    • BEVERLY HARRIS
      BEVERLY HARRIS Month ago +1

      That is a reality! It sounds irrational…. But they actually get angry when we don’t believe their lies anymore….

    • Dimaggio Carrion
      Dimaggio Carrion 6 months ago +1

      Flipping Love it

    • Perfect Peace 123
      Perfect Peace 123 7 months ago +1

      This right here👆🏾

    • everything you need to know
      everything you need to know 9 months ago +1

      Haha

    • None
      None 9 months ago

      This is literally what happened to me.🤣 and i just realized and awake from that nightmare…jokes on them I’m done with their shits.

  • Copycat Thehitmanheart
    Copycat Thehitmanheart 2 years ago +32

    So true I’m glad i went through that relationship it helped me learn so much about myself and about unhealthy people. I’m really kind and that use to be a weakness now it’s a strength!!! I trust myself so much more and everyday I can feel my heart mending back it feels so good . Thanks Stephanie ❤️

  • Michelle Bowman
    Michelle Bowman 2 years ago +234

    I hate it when someone tells me I'm too sensitive

    • Senior Moments , Romans 11:36
      Senior Moments , Romans 11:36 10 months ago

      You are not being too sensitive . That narcissist is just being him/her self- a bully.

    • destroyraiden
      destroyraiden Year ago

      @kieran simpson Right and if your sensitivity to things causes you pain you are now not only too sensitive, your overacting, making it up, or doing it just to bother then or ruin their fun!
      Especially when your pain infringes upon them. Their X is causing you pain yet it's still your fault for being in pain which you can't control which has come about because of them doing X and they have no inclination to stop doing or limiting X. Fun cycle.

    • Scarlett The brave
      Scarlett The brave Year ago

      @kieran simpson indeed

    • kieran simpson
      kieran simpson Year ago

      @Jolanta Olek hi Jolanta, great name. Don't take the blame from them though. At least inside know that you are not to 'blame' and have done nothing wrong.

    • kieran simpson
      kieran simpson Year ago

      @Jacqueline Helm exactly, it's the irony of them being sensitive to label us sensitive. Somethings triggered them but they won't take accountability

  • James MC McCray
    James MC McCray 3 years ago +34

    I love how you said we should look in the mirror because at the end of the day it’s not about them but us becoming better men and women for ourselves, careers and community

  • userahf01
    userahf01 10 months ago +5

    I love this video, and it really helped in solidifying that I’m being manipulated in the sense of being too sensitive, and the fact the nothing I ever do is correct or good enough. Also in the the sense that standing up for myself, or being heard in our relationship is something that’s always put on the back burner

  • sophie
    sophie 3 years ago +228

    "Neededing them to agree with you is a sign of codependency" definitely a lightbulb moment for me. Thank you!

    • Heather Julia
      Heather Julia 11 months ago

      Holy epiphany Batman.why do I do that

    • Sunny Skye
      Sunny Skye Year ago +1

      Oh yes! Or to at least listen without parroting your issue.

    • Mark Cahill
      Mark Cahill Year ago +8

      it can feel harmless at first... own your reality. ;-)

  • Deena
    Deena 3 years ago +46

    My husband is just like that. He's a narcissist. We're separated for a year. I am feeling more like myself with him out my presents.

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago

      Sending love 💚

    • Kondra Snell
      Kondra Snell 2 years ago +3

      JSM my husband was a narcissistic and since we’ve been separated I have been so much happier I now know I don’t want the marriage because he refuses to admit he has a problem and I won’t get trapped back into his manipulation anymore

  • Jane Doe
    Jane Doe 2 years ago +6

    When someone you Love starts telling you these horrible things, like your crazy and such. It cuts so deep. When it's the person you wanted to grow old with, it really cuts deep. Like a bullet to the heart.

    • Jane Doe
      Jane Doe 2 years ago

      Nailed it at around 15:00

  • Judy
    Judy Year ago +7

    Recently left a decades long relationship with a NPD. I married my father, I kept hoping he'd change, I kept wearing the mask, I kept living in denial...they never do change. I am in a much better place now. Working on loving myself first and foremost. No longer searching on the outside, finally, it's never too late:). Thanks Stephanie Lyn!

  • Anna Pratt
    Anna Pratt 2 years ago +35

    OMG! I have been gaslighted my whole marriage. He always rolled his eyes at me. Walk away. Told me nothing was wrong.

  • Shelly Swanstrom
    Shelly Swanstrom 3 years ago +255

    Ending a 29 year marriage now. I totally lost myself. I am so thankful for finally recognizing this!!

    • Peaceful One
      Peaceful One 6 months ago

      @Renee Evans that's my situation, too. He's also a psychologist. No matter what is said or what happens...he's always right. I feel like giving up.

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago

      I’m happy you took your power back. Sending love 💚

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      Shelly Swanstrom,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

    • Healed & Free
      Healed & Free Year ago

      21 years for me! Now I am working on forgiving myself for staying so long.

    • Alicia Costanza
      Alicia Costanza Year ago +2

      It’s been 20 years for me to figure it out now. Better late than never. 💕🧘‍♂️😇🙌🧚‍♀️

  • TED Schmitt
    TED Schmitt Year ago +14

    Whenever I tried to discuss anything with my EXTREMELY narcissistic ex wife, she would respond with any of these: you didn't hear me correctly; I never said that; you're crazy; you're senile; you have brain fog; you're hormonal; you always over-react; are we doing this again?; you're always playing the victim; you're just too sensitive. Too many others to list here. I became afraid to say anything about anything, or do anything at any time out of fear that it would be ridiculed, questioned, argued about, or told that it should have been done differently. Walking on pins and needles, talking on pins and needles, thinking on pins and needles, existing solely on pins and needles.

  • Stephen Hymes Jr.
    Stephen Hymes Jr. Year ago +4

    This is amazing. I was with a person just like this. Just manipulative, deceptive, shaming, blaming, guilting, twisting things. There were times she would try and make me feel like i was scum. Then when I learned and spoke logically, she'd discard. It was awful. The most toxic time in my life. Anyone going through this get out. It's the only option

  • Matt NA
    Matt NA Year ago +2

    I have to say that I think I've reached a point in my marriage now where I can work on myself more and recognise the abuse I've been living under. For the past couple of years I've been on and off again with feelings of trying to appreciate myself more. I often got buried under a barrage of negative comments calling me dumb, stupid, idiot, not a husband etc.... but I think I've finally woken up. I'm very seriously thinking about leaving for good and I have already secured a safe backup plan with my parents to take my son and I to safety. I listened to your videos 12 months ago but they weren't really sinking in. But now they most definitely are.
    Im reaching a point where I'm going to be forced to take actions to protect myself and my son because child protection services are getting involved again. I don't want to lose my son over this. As my wife continues to meltdown and shout profanities loud enough for neighbours to hear, I worry they will make more reports against us. So I have collected all my evidence, sought out supports and prepared myself for what may be inevitable: the separation and divorce. I've had the conversation many times with my parents because I recognise my wife is mentally unwell given the way she abuses me in the home (and recently publicly which lead to the anonymous report to child protection authorities) and then tries to keep a happy face to her clients and family. Saying we are going to have another baby etc. Actually I don't think she understands that I don't want to at all at this point in time. The nasty way she talks to me is just too much!!

  • natsen04
    natsen04 Year ago +2

    This sounds like every relationship I've had. Looks like most people are narcissistic. Thank God I finally have someone that is sane and normal like me and doesn't do any of this. When the red flags show up, we usually choose to brush it off. THEY NEVER CHANGE! You can't change them. The only thing you can change is the situation and get out!

  • Elana Vital
    Elana Vital 2 years ago +3

    This has always been my biggest weakness. Being subject to gaslighting since childhood has made me never really trust my own perception and opinions

  • Niketa Patel
    Niketa Patel Year ago +4

    This video really really resonated with me and my experiences in romantic relationships - giving over my power to someone else, and believing everything bad they say about me because I won't fit into their mental model. So many lightbulb moments today. Thank you so much - now it's my time to heal and strengthen

  • Just living life ...
    Just living life ... 2 years ago +12

    “Feeling this person was healthier than me” or “feeling the person is better than you”, insane stuff. So relatable !

  • Lou
    Lou Year ago +3

    I've cried through most of this video. I've been gaslighted and emotionally abused by my partners. I'm just coming out of the latest relationship, confused and conflicted as you so accurately described! This video has helped a lot to try and make sense of what's happening to me, thank you 💜🙏

  • Dogman
    Dogman Year ago +14

    Babygirl, you deserve a reward. This video saved my life.

  • Nicole Blake
    Nicole Blake 2 years ago +9

    This is exactly wat my sister does to me! Thank u so so much! I'm in therapy and I knew wat she was doing to me wasn't right but I couldn't put it in words. U did a marvelous job of explaining wat she does and how I feel... especially confused and crazy and too sensitive!!! Much love to u!!❤❤❤

    • Christian Pulisic
      Christian Pulisic 9 months ago

      Nicole Blake,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!

  • Jacine Rilea
    Jacine Rilea Year ago +6

    I want to say, that when you first meet some narcissists it can seem like they're holding space for you. They will remember what you're talking about too! Then when they get to the point of "dropping you" they often just regurgitate those shares as shallow, crazy or self-centred, and how they're sick of hearing about your stuff (but before this, they're asking about it, and listening - although most likely not really empathising), So whether I was happy, sad, disappointed, excited or anything else, they're focused on making it all seem trivial in retrospect.

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      Jacine Rilea, Hope you are not with a narc 😈 cause you are too cute!🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷

  • Diksha Jadhav
    Diksha Jadhav 2 years ago +5

    You don't know but you've saved my life! I'd been going through an extremely painful discard by a narcissist since last 4 months but I've really worked on myself to heal and it's because of all this knowledge available on the internet. I had no knowledge of emotional abuse and everything. But it's not a very long ago that I heard about narcissism and emotional abuse and I absolutely had no idea there was such a thing. I had been just going through it and just suffering. But I can't thank you enough. Your every word has worth and I can say that you've really gone through it to understand all of this. Thank you again!

  • Angelina Hart
    Angelina Hart 3 years ago +315

    Here's another common form I've seen many times from many narcs. When you call them out on something they deny it. Then you say, "You JUST said that. How can you deny it?" They deny 3 more times, then all of a sudden they will say, "The only reason I did that was because YOU..." Denial followed by blame and yet still will not acknowledge that they did do it. When you say, "So now you are admitting that you did it?" They will still say, "NO!" It is absolute insanity.

    • フィリップ
      フィリップ Year ago

      Omg this right there is all the time with my narc. Glad I realized now what’s going on though.

    • G Jimenez
      G Jimenez Year ago

      What is it called when you tell your narc I need more money the amount you give me is not enough for 4 people and you are only one. I don’t have enough money to pay the bills, and they say so no I don’t give you money at all. You say I didn’t say that. I am just trying to ask for more. He continues with I don’t give you money now. You say you only 35 bucks left to your name for 35 people ignore you say that, scream, yell, and hang phone up.

    • 360 video as 240
      360 video as 240 Year ago

      I can’t believe I thought I was crazy. Thank god I figured him out.

    • Lydia-Rose Aigbedion
      Lydia-Rose Aigbedion Year ago

      This just happened to me a week ago!!!

    • A B
      A B Year ago +4

      100% that's how my ex made me think I was crazy as well. Over and over again. When I stopped apologizing that's when he would say, "shame on you! You're way too prideful and selfish... What is wrong with you???... I just want you back to the way you use to be. " ... Yeah, that never happened. 😅

  • BWar71
    BWar71 2 years ago +6

    This is exactly my life with my ex. It's so sad. He would say I'm overreacting, I take everything personally, he would joke about me in public then say it's just a joke. He said I argue over dumb things but it's because I took the bait. So very sad.

  • Scott Neufeld
    Scott Neufeld Year ago +1

    I'm struggling with my self perception while trying to leave my narcissistic manipulative wife of 15 years. I found this video and have never made so many connections and realizations to the tactics of an emotional abuser. Thank you for this and all your encouraging videos. Bless you Stephanie

  • megbro
    megbro Year ago +3

    I’m so happy I found your channel! Part of me wishes I could’ve known about these things years back... but at the same time, hard times are some of the best lesson teachers!

  • case_styless
    case_styless 3 years ago +3

    Love your channel! My dad sent it to me after me explaining stories dealing with my friends, he believes I am an empath (which i never knew the word existed). Im still young and I am no life coach but I preach these things and its so good to find that you're sharing and teaching. Makes me want to really share and spread my experiences for others to learn. So thank you! :)

  • Mórrígan
    Mórrígan 3 years ago +67

    I have filed a restraining order on my emotionally and physically abusive husband of 10 years just last week. We have two children and a home. I've built my entire life around him. This is a huge step for me. I've always just come back to him after a couple days away. I'm heartbroken because I love him but I know I'm doing the right thing.
    I'm very glad I have found your channel! Thank god

    • Debbie Smith
      Debbie Smith 5 months ago

      Stay strong and Never trust them! They blame you for their actions. Crazy will make you crazy and unhealthy will make you unhealthy. God will heal us be patient.

    • Buzzing Bee
      Buzzing Bee 7 months ago

      Hopefully you didnt go back I almost did thank God also❤

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago +2

      Sending you love and strength 💚

  • Taylor Coumans
    Taylor Coumans 3 years ago +2

    I’m so glad that I found this channel. It is absolutely what I needed at the pivotal point in my life. I was questioning myself and now am learning to listen to my intuition.

  • Dave Bolduc
    Dave Bolduc 2 years ago +1

    10 years on and I am still feeling the effects. I have to deal with her because we have 2 kids. She recently turned my son against me. Thanks for all of these videos full of great info.

  • Ivy Beyvill
    Ivy Beyvill Year ago +4

    Your videos are great. My ex husband did this to me for 5 yrs. Always tried to make me feel and portray me to others as "emotionally unstable" for being upset by his verbal, emotional and sexual abuse when in reality being upset with him was a NORMAL reaction.

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      @Ivy Beyvill Which country are you from?

    • Oscar Williamson
      Oscar Williamson Year ago

      @Ivy Beyvill You are welcome my dearest 🌹🌷🌷🌺.I'm Oscar Williamson from the States.You?

    • Ivy Beyvill
      Ivy Beyvill Year ago

      @Oscar Williamson Thank you, I am not anymore!

  • Nic M
    Nic M Year ago +2

    I’m bawling.... you’re amazing Stephanie! I’ve been trying to speak for myself but it comes back 10 fold negatively. Thank you so much for your words!!! I so need to find myself again ❤️

  • Larry Radcliff
    Larry Radcliff Year ago +2

    Yep! My girl use to always say " You preaching to the choir" never felt she had a space for me. Every conversation I felt I was on the witness Stand LOL! I am feeling what you are saying Stephanie thanks for the video's.

  • Kendra Rose
    Kendra Rose 2 years ago +1

    I'm so happy I came across this video. I never knew my partner was doing this. He would get drunk and kick me out at 2am, then blow up my phone. Always talk down on me, put words in my mouth. Then I started getting hit on. Him knowing I suffer from mental illness really made the situation hard.

  • Brittany V
    Brittany V Year ago +3

    You truly hit this on the nail!!! Thank you for sharing!! Thank you for your help, willingness to educate, positivity, and encouragement!!! 🙏🏻

  • Ladydivalful 1200
    Ladydivalful 1200 2 years ago +6

    Thank you for sharing this vital information. It assisted in my mental wellness. I've been in a room with people that made me feel like I needed to record everything. So refreshing to connect answers that validated my feelings.

  • Gina Thorne
    Gina Thorne 4 years ago +219

    Can gaslighting also include behavioral flip flops? One minute they are nice as pie (especially when hey think you’re pulling away) and the next they’re tearing your head off for some minor infraction. And when you confront them they point out the areas in which they’ve been “good” to you to make you feel guilty. This happens to me all the time.

    • WIGS N' WINE
      WIGS N' WINE 7 months ago

      @Ingrid Elizabeth Pantoja Grez exactly... And you should not waist your life feeling dirt for him. Live your life Girly!

    • BiracialFreddiekrueger
      BiracialFreddiekrueger Year ago

      Yessss this is what I’m going through

    • Michele Gray
      Michele Gray Year ago

      Absolutely yes! That is a form of gaslighting.

    • Rocky Rodriguez
      Rocky Rodriguez 2 years ago

      My God I'm a man my ex was a very good manipulator drug addicts have that gift or curse they do it naturally

    • Anastasia Marie
      Anastasia Marie 2 years ago +2

      This happened to me too...

  • Adesuwa Disu
    Adesuwa Disu Year ago +4

    Thank you so much for this information, I have been dancing and singing since listening to you. I thought I was going mad not knowing that I have been abused for years.
    I will come back later to update because I’m determined to put into practice your suggestions.
    Thank you again.

  • Fearless Orozco
    Fearless Orozco Year ago +2

    Thank you for being such a delight and wanting people to succeed in life. This video shook me to my core. A much needed message. Thank you again!

  • Gervrd
    Gervrd Year ago +2

    The amount of times I heard "Um that didn't happen, you're crazy, you're always bringing this up" is insane. I knew I wasn't the crazy one, but she was so good at it that I would always feel like I was in the wrong and I was the one always apologizing and running back as if I did something wrong in the first place. This video made me feel so much better about myself. Thank you so much.

  • Matt NA
    Matt NA Year ago +1

    Wow. I had no idea that the verbal abuse and making me feel crap was a form of gaslighting!! I think I was meant to see these videos 100%

  • Riss
    Riss 10 months ago +2

    My husband would literally say “your reality is not reality.” I left twice, and am back again. However, I’m trying to leave a final time and making an exit plan with my therapist. 🤞🏻 I’m so exhausted of his games and I deserve better.

  • Tisha
    Tisha 2 years ago +24

    And when everyone in your life say wow your so lucky. Hes such an amazing guy, hes such a great guy! Didn't help. It added to doubting and made me think, oh maybe I'm just over thinking things maybe I'm being too sensitive. Everyone things hes so nice and kind.

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago +1

      @Tisha 💚💚

    • Tisha
      Tisha Year ago +2

      @Saucy Vegan yayyy!! Yes exactly..I'm so happy you are actively researching!!

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago +2

      @Tisha I’m almost finish with the interview and yes I’m obsessed 🤩 I feel some shifts taking place internally. I love how she said always be grateful. When you get fired say thank you because you know something better is coming 🙌🏾💚

    • Tisha
      Tisha Year ago +2

      It is made me happy to know I gave someone out there some help. Thank you for sharing!! I hope the interviews speak to you as they did to me, and any research you do. 😊

    • Saucy Vegan
      Saucy Vegan Year ago +1

      @Tisha I was not expecting a response from you at all. I’m so grateful I just sent love. You’ve been a huge gift for me today. I have not watched this interview with Miss Maya Angelou and Oprah. I’m about to do so now and get the downloads of wisdom. I can relate to the little whisper and ignoring my intuition. You’re definitely off your karmic cycle in my humble opinion and using the lessons as a guide. Your amazing and your soul is to be thanked also 💚💚

  • Mental Health – Who Wants to Know?

    Well said that we were never taught about emotional abuse growing up, in my generation or, I doubt, still in the younger ones now either. For me, the double-whammy of suffering emotional abuse over many years was that a) I could not explain to anyone else in my life what it was that was so unbearable and horrible and b) even if I occasionally could get the wording right, nobody was ever listening, and c) even worse, if they did listen then they mostly ridiculed and blamed me for complaining about that which I was evidently making up for fun.

  • joe 19
    joe 19 Year ago +1

    Thanks Stephanie, ur words helped me a lot to understand what I was going through, and it's not me, but the sick mindset of somebody else, that was actually bothering my sense of self worth..thanks a lot..keep helping everyone the way u are, u r really good at it❤️

  • Marco Chavanne
    Marco Chavanne 2 years ago +20

    Start recording conversations openly and offer to play back the recording when they try to manipulate you and say "You said XXXXX." When you don't think you did. It nipped it in the bud really quick. My ex would actually stop trying to argue or manipulate me as soon as I got my phone out because she knew the game was over from the beginning.
    If I ever tried to talk to her about something she was doing she would just say, "I don't know what to say." And the conversation ended there. But if she had an agenda she would wake me up in the middle of the night in bed or chase me from room to room in the house. I lost many nights sleep circling the same conversation over and over until I finally caved in.
    Don't let these people wear you down. Run

    • Donna OBrien
      Donna OBrien Year ago

      That's how I was able to get my divorce , finally.

  • Jason Spinning
    Jason Spinning Year ago +2

    I'm getting out of a 17 year marriage with a narcissist.Just pure evil what my daughter an me had to deal with.I finally filed for divorce last week.These videos have really helped me out.Thx stephanie your awesome

  • Lisa West Photography
    Lisa West Photography 2 years ago +3

    This is the best video I've seen about gaslighting and emotional abuse. You explain everything so well. Thank you so much Stephanie! You're a beautiful soul!! XO

  • diamon 1
    diamon 1 Year ago +2

    I'm 2021 discovering what my life looks like with this person. I have to admit when you've been raised by NPD this is your norm.

  • Aero
    Aero 2 years ago +2

    Raised by a gaslighter. Still young, not wounded by the gaslighter as I was not the primary target. Thank you for making this video though, I can identify gaslighters now pretty easily because of this video.

  • Michelle Geli
    Michelle Geli 2 years ago +6

    God bless you. Thank you for this. It is helping me in my healing. I just left after three years.

  • Marna Schoeman
    Marna Schoeman 2 years ago +4

    I am so proud of myself for doing the work around mastering my emotions amidst a very controlling and domineering relationship. It means you always have the power during high conflict interactions.

  • Artesia Wamsley
    Artesia Wamsley 2 years ago +1

    I have been in a verbally abusive relationship with a narcissist, on and off for almost two years. This is actually the first, serious “relationship” I’ve ever been in, and let me just say... The amount of stress, turmoil and confusion that has been brought upon me, is almost unfathomable.
    I just got in a fight with him, and all he did was say: “Stop stop stop” every time I tried communicating with him, about how I felt about the situation. He kept cutting me off, calling me crazy, saying I must have short term memory loss because “he never said or did that”. He claimed that maybe if I was more understanding and didn’t “overreact” about everything, then he would then buy me flowers, take me out on dates, etc.
    I definitely stuck up for myself, but I noticed... That made him more fired up to come at me with another demeaning comment. It’s like sitting in the middle of a battle field, trying to dodge a bunch of bullets coming at you.
    I have days, where I feel ready to leave him and to be quite honest, don’t want to be even see or talk to him- But then the next day, this daunting panicked feeling comes over me and all I want to do is be around him. I don’t understand, how a guy who can act amazing and be someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with- To, becoming the complete opposite just days right after. I am emotionally drained, and feel like I’m living in a state of fight or flight each and every day.
    Stephanie, I started watching your videos close to 5 months ago and as much as they have helped me actually accept and see the reality of my situation, I am terrified of letting him go and moving on- Do you offer any type of counseling sessions pertaining to this particular topic? I think it would be helpful for me to talk about this with someone who can help me work through this on a more healthy level. Please let me know ♥️

  • Martha C
    Martha C 4 years ago +362

    I wish I'd had this explained to me years ago. A 30 year marriage of gaslighting me to my knees. Pay attention and get out if they won't validate you.

    • Jane Doe
      Jane Doe 2 years ago +1

      Wow 30 years. I wish you the best. I did 7 years and almost didn't make it out in one piece.

    • Susan Phelps
      Susan Phelps 2 years ago +3

      45 yrs for me.

    • Lesa Ramey
      Lesa Ramey 3 years ago +2

      Martha C 22 years I shut down the last 2 he finally left with 23 year old sadly just across the road. Most of it I didn’t even realize what was actually happening. Ty for sharing

    • Chicago-Little Village
      Chicago-Little Village 3 years ago +3

      agreed. for me 34 years and im done.

  • Michele Martz
    Michele Martz Year ago +1

    I can't thank you enough. I've live this way for so long thinking I wasn't worthy enough to even be listened to. Every time 8 try to express my thoughts he walks out of the room. This is a process of healing. Thank you!

  • sinizka 💜
    sinizka 💜 9 months ago +1

    8:08 I was told when I opened up about my feelings that "too shit". Or even "to me this isn't about us." It's like so it's only about your happiness and your life then to you? There were false promises too. So I knew I had to leave it all behind eventually. Without that behavior the relationship would have been amazing, and I wouldn't have left.

  • JYN
    JYN 2 years ago +24

    Thank you for EVERYTHING you share - You are literally saving lives💗💕
    P. S.
    Your. Hair.
    😍😍😍😍

  • KingofGrace
    KingofGrace 2 years ago +1

    An example of how the gaslighting starts after they injure their target.
    You bring up the issue with poise. They then say, "I'm don't want to argue with you" followed by silent treatment.
    You're amazing💖

  • Cherbug11
    Cherbug11 4 years ago +174

    He acted like he was better than me too! ripped me to shreds as a person, mom, friend, as if I should not be alive. I began to feel so badly about myself I was having dark thoughts. I was addicted to his approval and to gain his validation.

    • Nitro Methane
      Nitro Methane 8 months ago

      I started wanted to be the guy she was messaging. I started not want to live

    • BiracialFreddiekrueger
      BiracialFreddiekrueger Year ago

      Yup sounds about right, suffering this

    • Stacey Brownlee -SDAT-
      Stacey Brownlee -SDAT- 2 years ago

      @Szymonurai I wish mine wasn't my husband! What do we do now?

    • taskiwi
      taskiwi 2 years ago +2

      I am so going thru this right now. This vid just teaches me i am not the bad person

    • Szymonurai
      Szymonurai 2 years ago +5

      When I'm wronged somehow it always comes back to me. Their action is never addressed it can't even be mentioned. Then the character assassination and threats begin. All their actions are fine. All of mine are the worst possible even if they are reactions to an offensive person. I just wish this person wasn't my wife.

  • Mary Brydon
    Mary Brydon 3 years ago +3

    @19:37 onward...the most powerful part for me was when you pointed out that trying to convince someone of how we feel or think is ALSO manipulation!! Thank you for bringing that forward!! In reflecting what my narc has been doing to taint my social standing within our apartment building, I am glad that I didn't go around trying to 'convince' them that none of it was true.
    I learned with my narc to stop convincing her but! BUT!! That I WAS TRYING initially to convince her that she was hurting me now means more to me in hindsight. I see my responsibility in the whole situation.
    You explain these tactics very clearly and I am grateful. Thank you!

  • Queenn Chronicales
    Queenn Chronicales 2 years ago +1

    Thank you for your time spent on this well done video. I am just now realizing my twin sister has been doing this to me for years. I have started putting boundaries in place and she reacted exactly how you described. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.

  • AfroLoc Sista888
    AfroLoc Sista888 2 years ago +4

    I was angry for so long I was always on the defensive side sometimes for no reason. Some of my family and friends have been gaslighting me my whole life. Especially when I was a child until I was a young adult I felt like I couldn’t make my own decision I felt like something was wrong with me they have taking advantage of of me numerous times. I was so angry and bitter to the world and didn’t understand now i do. I trust no one

    • D00M
      D00M Year ago

      Me too! But I can’t get away from my emotionally abusive father! Help!!!

  • Victoria Sorrell
    Victoria Sorrell 2 years ago

    Thank you so much for this. You have seriously called out my life events either before or right when they were happening. I always have had the best Intuition about people and things, but constantly being gaslighted and manipulated caused me to become so confused and 100% not myself. After I finally was faced with the reality that the love of my life was a narcissist, I still couldn’t get out of it or away. The constant come here go away was causing me to go insane, cause after all of it I just wanted to understand why. I am so grateful to have found you and your channel. As much as it hurt and still does.. you spelled out each and every single event and feeling in my life in a way I could finally comprehend and understand. And helped me see the truth and realize, some things just are the way they are. And even though it sucks I never will be able to change this person, I can only change myself. I don’t even want to change anyone else but myself. Knowing I won’t get the answers or closure I so desperately need or was searching for is still a daily battle. But Its relieving to be reminded there was never anything wrong with me and I didn’t do anything to cause this to happen. We are all not perfect but no matter how much you don’t wanna look at yourself and see the bad, until you do you cannot grow. Both people in the relationship have to want to grow and change in positive ways, not just one of you. Now I just have to find myself again and get back to the old me. It’s not easy but you make it a little less painful knowing I’m not alone! ❤️

  • Elizabeth Claire
    Elizabeth Claire Year ago +3

    I had a friend gaslight me. That was the end . I blocked her from me on all
    Social media and my phone . Problem solved . Don’t have time for toxic people .

    • Jack Petersen
      Jack Petersen 6 months ago

      Elizabeth Claire,You look gorgeous 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

  • kered2400
    kered2400 8 months ago +1

    I've spent so much time in therapy because I was gaslit. My whole perception of myself was demolished. I spent 4 years in therapy for PTSD only to have it all undone by getting into a relationship with a narcissist. I have since ended it with her. Im trying SO hard to rebuild. It's been 5 months now. I'm still hurt and confused.

  • Anarchy432
    Anarchy432 Year ago +2

    Thank you for this awesome content! I've been so isolated that i don't have even 1 person/friend to talk to or validate my opinions and support. So thank you thank you thank you, this community is helping me sooo much.

  • Aljaž Kolar
    Aljaž Kolar Year ago +2

    i am 25 years old and i've been gaslighted by parents since birth. I always knew by instinct that something in my life is very wrong but for some reason i couldn't put my finger on it. Actually that reason is because almost all of my relationships were toxic and manipulative. If it weren't for that one ''okay'' relationship i don't know when or if ever i would realise i was being abused all the time..

  • JJMJ Blessed
    JJMJ Blessed Year ago +1

    I truly think that psychology should be taught in middle and high school. It's very helpful. It could possibly change the way children that are becoming adults behave in the future. Psychology taught in school can definitely be a game changer.

  • manny alvarez
    manny alvarez 6 months ago

    Thank you so much. After 18 years of being married to a gaslighter, I finally released I’m not a bad person. This video has opened my eyes tremendously. I will try to get my wife to go to counseling

  • Liza Bella
    Liza Bella 3 years ago

    Ohhh my gosh!... that's spot on! to a relationship I just barely broke away with some sanity left. But also being brought up in such dysfunction most end up in relationships that are disfuntional,.and not realizing until there is so much damage and self worth stripped from a person. I seriously think they should teach this awareness in schools.

  • Francesca Selvaggio
    Francesca Selvaggio Year ago +1

    Yeah I remember being super upset after finding out that I was being straight up lied to and deceived and him saying “you always get like this before your period, you freak out over nothing.” Like you’re going to blame my reaction to you lying and try to deny your actions and then say that the whole thing was a result of my hormones and not your actions... interesting.

  • Cherbug11
    Cherbug11 4 years ago +273

    Wow! Exactly what I went through! He said these same statements "here we go again, going in circles, you're crazy, everyone sees how you are, you're a train wreck an alcoholic".... he could not stay on topic no matter what. He'd have a full on rage whether I was calm or defending myself. He ostracized me in front of others. It has been 5 mo since I left him and still in pain from his humiliation, harmful words and actions. He's been hoovering I finally got the nerve to block him. It was a difficult decision because I feel guilt for doing it.

    • Nitro Methane
      Nitro Methane 8 months ago

      I hope you are doing a lot better now

    • Stacey Brownlee -SDAT-
      Stacey Brownlee -SDAT- 2 years ago

      @Tammy Mcguire The fear is the worst part. It's as if you don't believe you can live without them. Welp I was in that space but after 45 days yup he's been gone 45 days I'm starting to get just a little bit stronger. GOD IS GOOD!!!

    • Erica Bamforth
      Erica Bamforth 2 years ago

      I'm debating changing my # because he tracks me but part of me feels guilty too. Cherbug11, can I ask, how were/are you doing now?

    • Albert Theodore McKee
      Albert Theodore McKee 2 years ago

      @Ashley Lauren Somehow mine is convinced that me being "delusional" is equivalent to a hypothetical scenario in which she is drunk and saying something "outlandish"--and she asks, "would YOU take me seriously if I was drunk?" It's kind of pathetic that I always answer with a confident and totally honest, "yes, of course I would take you seriously! I would try to understand what you are going through!" Each time, I think this response will illustrate the behavior of a kind and caring person and maybe inspire her somehow... But she shows no sign that she has even tried to register what I said and tries the same approach the next day... and the next... She was not always this closed-off and I fear the mixed antidepressants have damaged her brain severely. She is also a fierce and formidable advocate for me and our friends and family, at times--and she is a fun and beautiful and intelligent person at times, too--and I know very well that most of us exposed to American family life and "education" grow into people ALL KINDS OF WRONG--not really our own faults--so I have much compassion for her--but we have now been at a complete and total impasse with no evident escape for quite a while, other than accepting that my tolerance of her abuse cannot possibly be good for her own mental health, and I am constantly being derailed and deflated while trying to do things that I consider important and the success of which are completely contingent on my ability to maintain faith in my intellect and confidence in myself, and also require a bit of extra good attitude, pep, and intensity because I often have to stand alone against formidable groups of people with only reason and logic to assist me... wait, that is irrelevant! I should have just summed it up: THIS IS NOT GOING TO SUCCEED!

    • Ashley Lauren
      Ashley Lauren 2 years ago

      My husband would say the same thinsg to me ! And always call me an alcoholic! That's so weird yours said that too.

  • Ron Done
    Ron Done 2 years ago +1

    Definitely understand exactly what you're talking about been through it for 37 years slowly pulling myself out now

  • Sandwich Breath
    Sandwich Breath 2 years ago +1

    Thank you for this video! Its so helpful to go through it all in detail, especially how this affects us so that we can recognize gaslighting and do something about it.

  • MrArrylay
    MrArrylay Year ago

    I've only been made aware of gaslighting last year, and now know I've been the victim of this my whole life, despite my intuition warning me about this behavior from people. I even went to a bad therapist who used gaslighting on me. Happy to say I've broke free from these people, but now my guard is up towards everyone. All the best to everyone who's been a victim of this.

  • David Crownover
    David Crownover 2 years ago +23

    It's tough finding out all of this stuff after 30 years of marriage.

    • Danny P
      Danny P Year ago

      17 years together and after she cheated i see things for what they truly were. I know I'm better off without this emotional abuse completely controlling my life.

    • Shaun Doobay
      Shaun Doobay Year ago

      My wife of 30 years was great in Manipulation I get to understand her and walked and lever her

    • Cary Scott Lansill
      Cary Scott Lansill Year ago

      58 years!

    • David Payne
      David Payne Year ago +1

      David it was 42 years myself, dont beat yourself up over this one, it took one of my wifes friends text me, i had to look it up, l never had a clue, for the past 3 years iv been studying this stuff i have been testing my wife along the way. iv been in my wifes family since i was 15, they are toxic aswell, b prepared to walk away from them. good luck.i toxic wfe never come to her best until i nursed her through 7 years of alcoholism.

  • Gabriella Taylor
    Gabriella Taylor 3 years ago +67

    I was in a relationship like this. They would twist things that I wanted and would believe, I started to doubt myself and everything. They would make me feel so confused about everything. I felt like the bad guy when I didn’t actually have anything to feel bad about. If I had a problem with the way they were acting they would turn it around so it was actually me with the problem. They isolated me from my friends, family and job, and made me completely dependent on them. Things would happen that I remembered clearly but they would state that it didn’t happen like that. If I ever stood up for myself they would attack me for it. I started feeling afraid to tell them anything that I knew they wouldn’t like to hear, for the way they would treat me after. They would ignore me and make me feel so bad.they treated me like an extension of themselves, not my own person. They weren’t interested about hearing about me but about me listening to them all the time. And then when I took space away from them they claimed that I had ruined them, ruined the love they had for me and that it was an unforgivable thing to do. And then they dropped me completely, even though they claimed to have loved me. They told me they were in love with someone else straight after, and that’s when I knew they never really valued me even though I loved and gave up so much for them. I still feel so much guilt about everything. Like it’s all my fault and I was the bad one. Im still so confused and feel like if I had tried harder they would have stayed, when I gave up so much just to be with them. Luckily I have people that are supporting me and helping me see that actually I wasn’t the bad one, this wasn’t my fault, and the way they were treating me wasn’t right. If anyone else is out there going through this, being made to feel like the bad one in the relationship; just know that it’s not your fault. Someone is mistreating you and doesn’t see it or want too. It’s hard as you doubt yourself so much but you will get through it. It’s not right to treat someone as a possession, you should be treated as another human being with your own side to things, not just their side. I hope reading this can help you identify that there is a problem and it’s not just you.

    • P A
      P A 6 months ago

      @Te Parmentier work on yourself and get stronger, once develop those muscles to move believe me you are out.

    • Gabriella Taylor
      Gabriella Taylor Year ago

      @Renee Evans i hope you are doing okay, I am sorry you are in this situation, its soo hard. I will pray for you!

    • Bride OfChrist
      Bride OfChrist Year ago +1

      This is my experience. Crazy. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Renee Evans
      Renee Evans 2 years ago +1

      Ive learned staying calm helps while hes blaming twisting to be my fault if he could just be compassionate loving understanding . thank you for asking how i am very nice . how are you??

    • Renee Evans
      Renee Evans 2 years ago +1

      Im ok dont want to do that today just feel stuck im disabled dependant depressed i live in Sacramento ca . I have a hard time with friendships my daughter says you push everyone away mom . i dont know why i do that i adore people & our differences thats what keeps life interesting . i love to sing i dont even have any friends musicly in common my confidence & selfesteem are affected alot

  • Melissa Deaton
    Melissa Deaton 3 years ago +2

    I totally get the power of not getting angry but when you hold your emotions in for so long, natural emotions you are suppose to feel an express build up & when they come out, it can be an explosion of all the pent up feelings. Which of course makes them even more happy & they say “wow see look how your acting.” You can’t live in a state of constant emotional suppression, I know from personal experience it makes you physically ill over time & is part of the severe damage these people cause. So that is something I don’t know how to handle in the long term. Even when out of the relationship with these people, with children the relationship & abuse still continue forever!

  • Harvey Williams
    Harvey Williams Year ago +1

    This is true. I’m going through this now. I’m about to get out of it. I’m getting beat up and talked down to. Walking on eggshells. Like I’m nothing. Thank you this is helping

  • Steven Roland
    Steven Roland Year ago +1

    Came to this conversation by chance. I noticed Her Beauty! I know it’s a typical male chauvinist manner....guilty as charged!! But i actually listened to What she had a say. And it was totally enlightening. Enough so....that i shared the conversation with my Wife. We are now listening to Shelly and growing together:-)) I still think that she is soft on the eyes....Lol:-))

  • Francisco Barragan
    Francisco Barragan 9 months ago +2

    I wish I was able to get some help. I know this is a subject directed more to women but I am a man and this is something I have lived recently. I was with that woman for about 7 years. She is the perfect example of a Narcissist. Everything that you say in your videos is exactly as if you describe her. I had always been a very positive, happy person before her. I am and have been going through the hardest times because of all the damage done from this relationship. I have been having such a hard time with life. I never in my life thought this would be me. I’m so messed up, I always go back to her knowing she is not good for me. It’s such a hard thing to understand specially for others who are outside looking in. I don’t know how or what to do, I need to find myself. I have been dealing with this for so long, that I now understand I need help. I can’t do it on my own, I have tried and failed every time. It’s beyond toxic and bad for anyone to go through this. I want to say so much because I have been living this way for so many years. I was a completely different person before this. Listening to your videos has me so shocked because of how much clarity I get on how everything you say describes her exactly how she is. I want to be able to let go, and find me again. My value, my happiness etc. It’s sad for me to talk about all this in public like this because I am not the type to do so but I feel it is important because it also happens to us men. By the way I am not a bad looking guy and I know I have a lot of value and so much to offer, I just need to find me again.

  • AG B
    AG B 3 years ago +349

    As much as it hurt listening to this video...now i know theres a name to what was happenjng to me and feel a peace knowing that im NOT crazy or sensitive or delusional....THANK YOU

    • A B
      A B Year ago

      Same exact reality awakening!

    • Bernita Centeno
      Bernita Centeno Year ago

      @Shannon Sharma Incry FOR YOU, but now you know it has a name/label and it's a real evil thing. It's NOT YOU AT ALL.

    • Bernita Centeno
      Bernita Centeno Year ago

      @Gold Girl It's not your fault. It really is them. I just had to repeat your words. So very very true.

    • Bernita Centeno
      Bernita Centeno Year ago

      @AG B Hip Hip Hurray! You now know what all of us who were abused have had to define for yourself. God Bless you and your new life !

    • Sundus Jamar
      Sundus Jamar Year ago

      @Hollis Family omg defo, been thru that

  • Courtney Mishan
    Courtney Mishan 2 years ago +10

    Wow I love this video so much. A true eye opener to what I've been going through. Thank you ♥️

  • Shel Unknown
    Shel Unknown Year ago

    Thank you it is really a cycle of abuse. Constantly invalidating my feelings and not listening to it caring about what I have to say but expects me to listen and go along with everything he want me to do. Constantly blaming and shaming and trying to diminish me. I have days of depression but this really helps thank you! 💕

  • Carol A Pomeroy
    Carol A Pomeroy Year ago +1

    I Im so happy to find you. Everyone benefits from your explaining things about gaslighting, that I finally "get it" I truly thought it was me, not her. So into controlling me, but I believed her, trusted her, and loved her...but after being shamed about a lot of my thoughts, I started backing off. It was a good thing, confirmed by what you said today. Love your programs. Thank you for making my life better.

  • Indy
    Indy 3 years ago +1

    I just realized why I always have this confused block in my mind that says: Am *I* the one being unreasonable? And because *i* call somebody out on what they are doing, am *i* the abusive one?
    And the reason for this is right before 10:11 of this video. The majority of boys I dated in my youth constantly told me, “You are too sensitive” or “You’re overthinking this” or “No, you’re crazy for thinking that,” and they all said that when I would call them out for a behavior. I received that a lot from an ex in my youth who actually was manipulating me into a relationship while he messed around with a LOT of girls. They made me believe I couldn’t trust my thoughts, and I’ve carried this guilt into adulthood. Grateful to finally understand and see the start of this, because it’s caused me a lot of confusion and fear to speak my voice.
    Thank you, I am looking forward to the rest of this video.

  • Staci Israel
    Staci Israel 3 years ago

    100% yes and yes! Thank you so much for being a beacon of light and helping in my healing process!