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How to Identify a Toxic Man | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

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  • Published on Apr 22, 2019
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Comments • 668

  • Cosmic Woman
    Cosmic Woman 3 years ago +614

    A toxic man is simply a man that makes u ALWAYS want to take an advice from others on how to understand his words or behaviors

    • Jada
      Jada 5 months ago +1

      This!!!!!!!

    • Fan Fan Yang
      Fan Fan Yang 7 months ago +1

      So true

    • M Hayashi
      M Hayashi 9 months ago

      woooow, a slap in the face!

    • Finance99
      Finance99 9 months ago +1

      Wow I love this. So true.

    • Myrna
      Myrna 10 months ago

      Yes!

  • N. C.
    N. C. 3 years ago +197

    Your instincts never lies indeed. Learn how to trust yourself more 🙏🏾

  • SOMA Kombucha Taproom
    SOMA Kombucha Taproom 3 years ago +100

    Your comment that being stuck on a hamster wheel trying to figure out someone's behavior makes you more emotionally invested in the relationship and have a harder time leaving it, that was brilliant and super valuable for me to hear! A big thank you from a man that really enjoys your teaching!

  • SK Bains
    SK Bains Year ago +56

    If you’re not in a great place emotionally, have weak boundaries and don’t love yourself then a toxic man is likely going to be attracted to you.

  • Michelle Williams
    Michelle Williams 3 years ago +124

    Master manipulators are good at acting as though they take responsibility for their actions and inactions from their past relationships. My ex is a con artist. He said nothing bad about his wife who he told me was an ex-girlfriend when we met. He spoke highly of her as he did about me to his girlfriend after me. So be careful and mindful and like Stephanie says to trust your instincts. My question was "if she was so great why are we here when you could have worked it out with her.? Soon after he started to agree with any statements that questioned her mental state and he did the very same to me with the girlfriend after me.

    • Geeta Rajkhowa
      Geeta Rajkhowa 15 days ago

      @michelle I do feel for you.Its very hard to transform such toxic people who thinks they can victimize any body.But the main point is that when they will lose their mental strength one day,they will highly regret that they are alone without any bright foundation with anyone.it will surely strike them when the universe leaves them for good.

    • Jolanta Olek
      Jolanta Olek Year ago +4

      Intelligent narcissists only learn how to better camouflage, so they can easier manipulate their victims, but they dont fix their actual problems which is emotiinal problems and low self esteem covered behind the big ego.

    • Andromeda
      Andromeda 2 years ago +2

      Sometimes they do that to cause triangulation and insecurity. If they keep it pretty generic, that's the best thing. To boast and gloat about an ex, something is terribly wrong. There's the "phantom ex" that avoidants and narcs use to create emotional distance.

    • westindiesgal fruits
      westindiesgal fruits 2 years ago

      Girl.

    • Etu Heikki
      Etu Heikki 2 years ago

      Trueeeee, when all of his ex gf were well crazy. run. But half truths and not bashing ex is super easy to believe. When there is logical aspects even there was even cheating (and u feel u don't want
      to be too nozy about such thing,) like time, and arguments, hurt dealt. And probably after all mentioned above, the cheater ex gf is not generally a bad person. it's seems healthy go me, but it was a half truth among others. Manipulation.

  • ACS
    ACS 3 years ago +388

    I have a rule. If I think, "WTF?" in an alarmed way three times, I'm out ☺️

    • Love Starts w/La
      Love Starts w/La Month ago

      I like!!

    • E. JaY
      E. JaY 2 months ago

    • Diana Lerêve
      Diana Lerêve 10 months ago +1

      😅 Love it !

    • Me123
      Me123 10 months ago +2

      That is a GREAT rule. I will be adopting this one.

    • Christine Allen
      Christine Allen 10 months ago +1

      You hit every thing on my point for leo i was dealing with. I m working on me & i be dam if he stunt my growth & progress! #this scorpio alway in the mirror

  • Samantha Jane
    Samantha Jane 3 years ago +83

    Back on the dating scene after suffering from narcissistic abuse. Thank you so much Stephanie!!.. because of your amazing advice, now I have the tools to choose my next partner wisely.

    • Synchronicity 12:16
      Synchronicity 12:16 7 months ago

      I'm *considering*'discretely dipping my toe in the waters again after being deliberately single for nearly 3 years after my separation from a 9 year marriage (13 together total). I'm 40 now, btw. Trust me, I bring my share of baggage to the table. But I have been and still am actively working on myself via various outlets with professionals and independently (meditation, yoga, drawing, writing, etc...)
      I still have a long way to go, but I'm a work in progress - and will be for the rest of my life. Tragically, all I've encountered are a bunch of emotionally unavailable man children... Awesome...
      Eh, maybe I still have more lessons to learn... Timing is everything...

    • Samantha Jane
      Samantha Jane 3 years ago +8

      @Happy Thoughts no you are not a slow learner. We aren't taught this at home or in school, and the narcs are good at it. That's their job!

    • Happy Thoughts
      Happy Thoughts 3 years ago +1

      I agree & know what u r saying & this well done video, i must be a slow learner or i know & need to respect & love my self but i still love, miss & want my ex after a year, he was a beautiful man with selfish traits...very confusing, if he had been a total asshole i guess i wouldve left but he wasnt, people say he had narcissistic traits, very confusing & mixed messages 😔

  • Wanda Lee
    Wanda Lee 3 years ago +246

    I’ll never settle again, I know everything I will not accept, and I am 100% fine alone!

    • Gifted Ruler
      Gifted Ruler 5 months ago

      This is not natural for a woman to be ok being alone. You’re not built for that. Please heal so someone can love you.. you are not fine posting stuff like this. And you get what you say . Strait up alone 🤷🏾‍♂️

    • Joe!
      Joe! Year ago

      Isn’t being in a relationship with no one while watching relationship videos a form of settling?

    • Jools Pools
      Jools Pools Year ago +1

      @rockykkxwhj I think it's better to stay alone than to be in an unhealthy relationship. I have stayed in 2 long term relationships that were not even necessarily abusive but I felt we were incompatible.
      If you find yourself wanting a man to change this is a good indication that you may not be compatible, or perhaps you may be too needy.
      It is better to stay alone and wait until you are a healthy, happy and whole individual before you commit to a relationship.
      For me this has only been possible through my relationship with God through my faith in Jesus Christ.
      I hope and pray for you that you may know the love of God in your life and that you will know him intimately because it's worth pursuing a relationship with him first. He is faithful and will never leave you or forsake you.

    • Sonnie Johnson
      Sonnie Johnson Year ago

      The exact same

    • Stroud Tha God
      Stroud Tha God Year ago

      Um how old are you?

  • Adam Nicholes
    Adam Nicholes 3 years ago +37

    As a man, I can honestly say this was helpful. I hope you do one on how to identify toxic women too. I struggle with seeing the red flags because I want to believe people are generally good, yet I seem to attract "unhealthy" women.

  • Dawn Turner
    Dawn Turner 3 years ago +135

    Stephanie you have helped me so much!...I was with a narrisstic for 12 years!...it took me years to be back to myself after i finally had the courage to leave him!...its just me and my son now....and i couldnt be happier!❤

  • Strong Spirited
    Strong Spirited 3 years ago +64

    I've been manipulated most of my life it started during childhood. This video has taught me the signs to watch for so I can avoid a manipulative person. Its doesn't necessarily have to be from someone who you are dating it could be friends and family that do it to you too.

  • lauraasmrrr
    lauraasmrrr Year ago +15

    When you said the part about him saying “I’m not perfect” that resonated hard with me. I just got out of a relationship where rather than truly working on his toxic traits he would just acknowledge that “he knew he wasn’t right for how he acted” yet never did anything to truly better himself. I wish I would’ve followed my intuition from the very beginning and I could’ve avoided a lot of hurt

  • Gary Cordle
    Gary Cordle Year ago +7

    Always listen to your gut feeling that is your intuition that's your second brain, I wish I had listened to my intuition,had a covert narcissistic relationship,in didn't listen until it was too late,but I did a lot of research work found out the hard way,but I'm healing myself, take care of yourself and be blessed everyone.

  • Hjørt ASMR
    Hjørt ASMR 3 years ago +41

    Been subscribed since 5,000 subs & I’ll never unsub! You taught so many of us how to love ourselves & spot the abusive people in our lives, & that we are not just overreacting. So grateful for you!💕

    • Hjørt ASMR
      Hjørt ASMR 3 years ago +3

      Stephanie Lyn Coaching No problem! It was incredible to find you 😊!

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  3 years ago +5

      Oh my god.. thank you so much for being here with me since the beginning! ❤️

  • monroe444444
    monroe444444 3 years ago +555

    How to identify a toxic man: 1. I'm attracted to him. End of list.

    • Natali Chipurko
      Natali Chipurko Month ago

      😂

    • Julie B
      Julie B Month ago

      Lol

    • Mari
      Mari 2 months ago

      Apparently true for me as well

    • Peace of mind of peace
      Peace of mind of peace 3 months ago

      @AISHA NuSoul Same. Here upset after a conversation with a seemingly good guy. Crying my heart out and feeling the urge to defend myself but it's useless bc he provokes me with certain phrases. I told him I see it through, the pattern. He replied ' there is no pattern, why do you feel attacked and why are you crying because noting bad happened."
      I feel pain in my stomach and an urge to tell him he IS attacking me and I'm not crying for no reason.

  • Janelle B
    Janelle B 3 years ago +35

    You hit the nail on the head at the end of the video. You teach all this stuff but at the end of the day, what really matters is how we use that information. Thank you

  • Archon BUSTER
    Archon BUSTER 3 years ago +145

    Good job describing the difference between a...
    “Man Child”
    and a “Man”

  • Sandra Jefferson
    Sandra Jefferson 3 years ago +56

    I was in a toxic relationship which was horrible hope I never go through that again I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

    • Joe!
      Joe! Year ago

      Hoping and wishing aren’t the most effective skills to have in that situation

  • Brad McEwen
    Brad McEwen 3 years ago +87

    Hope it's not out of place for a guy to totally agree. That list is now the bible. Yep, tried to fill a loss in my heart. Got narc slammed. Damn I should have given the loss more time respect. But your lost...and vulnerable. Live and learn or be damned to repeat. Happy spring Stephanie.

    • R N
      R N 3 years ago +2

      @Brad McEwen They attack your fear, and shame Brad, the intelligence we have they use because we have a higher tolerance and more thinking directions than, we should instead be plain loyal towards a true self and simply say No, but thanks and follow-up, we need to stop trying to outthink the simplicity of Narcissism, (why, they never emotionally developed) so why would you empower them with all the thoughts. Safe your time by simply exiting their reality. It brings back your inner peace and sanity.

    • Brad McEwen
      Brad McEwen 3 years ago +2

      @Gold Girl Unbeknownst to the person perceiving much time together as a unspoken bonding just isn't a mind set a predator is operating in. All the mainstream cultural standards are exploited. Without so much as a ounce of empathy or compassion. The next piece of supply is caught by the ever wondering eye & flirtation of a cycling mind of repetition with all the stages in each and every target. We were with someone we thought perhaps high intellect would provide logic and stability. It is amazing how, in my experience, the change to a seven year old could happen with Tourettes like speed. Then back once your skewered into submission. This is how they can be in places of power & percieved prestige. Behind closed doors only the primary gets the surprise rage, devaluing, demeaning & the castration of your decency. Mistakenly, patience & ample benifit of doubt needs reduced to no more passes given when some assaults your emotions. It's sick & deranged and won't stop from a person who gets off on your cognitive dissonance.

    • Gold Girl
      Gold Girl 3 years ago +5

      Brad McEwen yes it goes both way. Male and female narcs are much the same though not all narcs have exactly the same processes but almost. Ie they don’t all cheat for example but they are all controlling. Mine expected to date without expectations. He said this after me constantly getting upset at him flaking. I expected the basic levels of respect and it’s clear in hindsight he expected me to lower my standards by call them expectations, well I’m sorry but we should definitely have a level of expectations going into a relationship, dating us one thing but as it continues on the bar needs to be raised not lowered. He’s future fake that he saw us together for the next 20 years by telling a parable about a couple who were in a similar circumstance to us but then would not advance the relationship and then I was pushy for feeling frustrated at his hot n cold behaviour? Hmmm nope nope nope. I did nothing wrong except expect what a normal person would from a normal relationship and these were only the basics. God forbid we’d stayed together longer, our fights would be huge! Lol 5.5 months was enough oh and then he dated his “best friend” and made her his gf with zero excuses when I got excuses galore. He just does it to run it in your face. It’s all a big game to them. She’s very clearly naive and so gas lit by him now she’d never believe me if I told her he’s toxic.

  • Michael Greenwood
    Michael Greenwood 3 years ago +26

    Thank you so much for this video. I am in codependent recovery and truly have come so far. I have been physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused for as long as I can remember. It's taken me years to own my identity and overcome my parents' toxic behavior that was beginning to show up in my own. I began being so submissive towards men and it hurt so much. I realized I had control over this, that this didn't have to be forever.

  • Karma
    Karma 2 years ago +5

    I'm here because yesterday, I realized I'm dating a toxic man. I tried asking for clarity on some behaviours I was noticing and immediately was called crazy, told I was overreacting, that my emotions were all over the place etc. I even made sure to word it as carefully as I could, very civil and owned my own feelings and I was still belittled and invalidated. My heart is really broken because I was getting very emotionally invested in this relationship, but I know better now because of videos like these, support groups and therapy than to even allow a red flag to wave around in my life. It just sucks because I'm ready to date, but there's been nothing but extremely unhealthy men, seems like literally everywhere.. thanks for this video, I just needed reinforcement for my own feelings I'm going through now.

  • Rafael Escal
    Rafael Escal 3 years ago +39

    This comment is from a gay man and just wanted to say thank you!!!!! Spot on and the key is to first love yourself, knowing your worth and value without depending on others to evaluate and depreciate. Have an amazing day and this video/message resonated.

  • Meagan Renee
    Meagan Renee 3 years ago +41

    Thank u for this video. I was trying to search last night about toxic husbands and now I see this video this morning. I think it's a sign for me lol. I truly need to realize my husband is toxic. I'm done making excuses for him and his horrible behavior!

    • Happy McGee
      Happy McGee 3 years ago +1

      Meagan Renee your not alone sweetie, trust me your a super star and it will hurt at first but know you are VERY worthy of the best life and a good man to make it better not worse, the main thing to remember is life is so short, one step at a time and know you don’t deserve to be so happy.

    • Elizabeth Cortez
      Elizabeth Cortez 3 years ago +3

      Good luck Meagan. I'm in the same boat.

  • SarahRidout
    SarahRidout 3 years ago +50

    Inconsistency and verbal abuse = pure living hell that I have thought there’s only one way out of many many times because I have been trapped. Couldn’t leave because I loved him but staying was making me want to die 😓

    • Gold’n
      Gold’n 2 years ago

      Exactly. They make you want to die because you feel so worthless and like you’ll never be enough

    • Ladenna Young
      Ladenna Young 2 years ago

      Hopefully you left them.

    • Leah Smith
      Leah Smith 2 years ago

      RidouteyCats how did you finally leave and stay gone?

  • Ivy Connor
    Ivy Connor 3 years ago +21

    Thank you, Stephanie! I had always thought I was jealous because I was wrong and didn’t have any trust but it happened only with my last ex because he did things that made me question everything. He made me think I was crazy and a psycho stalker but now I don’t care. At least I found out what he was doing! I’ll never forgive him because I already forgave myself and that’s enough!

    • Gwen Climpson
      Gwen Climpson 9 months ago

      Ivy Conner forgiving yourself is good, however, forgiving the one who hurt you is best and it is the key to total freedom. Because emotional wounds are like cancer, they can lie dormant for a long time and when you are wounded again (by someone else) or triggers of offenses come, that cancer (wound) can resurface or manifest itself again. "When someone hurts you, they take advantage of you, when you don't forgive them, they keep the advantage over you." Forgiveness is a key... forgive and set yourself FREE!" This is GOD'S way for us to be free and to set the perpetrator free as well.

    • I Am Camisha
      I Am Camisha Year ago +2

      Your not a stalker. Someone can manipulate you and you'll look for reasons why do I feel this way.

  • v
    v 3 years ago +31

    Narcissists know something is wrong with them. The last one I knew told me immediately he was damaged without specifying in what way. He knows. But doesn't try to change or care.

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 10 months ago +2

      Exactly! He would always say, “idk what’s wrong with me it is my weight, it is my depression, my adhd” it’s like just take responsibility it’s unbelievable Jesus. And I’m sitting here trying to fix the relationship. I broke up with him today and I can’t go back it’s too toxic and he doesn’t want to change and pretends like he doesn’t know how to.

    • itallabouthealth
      itallabouthealth Year ago

      @Ces Ca I did I left him. Turns out I was right to.

    • Ces Ca
      Ces Ca Year ago

      @itallabouthealth run

    • itallabouthealth
      itallabouthealth 3 years ago +1

      I'm noticing this with my bf

  • Leela Koffa
    Leela Koffa 8 months ago +5

    The moment I feel in my stomach...something off or this is weird. I am OUT! Learn this lesson the hard way too many times.

  • Gold’n
    Gold’n 2 years ago +3

    I believe in asking him what he wants in a relationship first and let him answer before you answer back what you’re looking for. That way he doesn’t have a chance to mirror you. That’s the same for other questions that you really want a REAL answer from

  • Potato Powered
    Potato Powered 3 years ago +5

    This really should be about toxic people rather than gender specific since this all applies across genders. Keep in mind not everyone can easily get away from toxic people in their lives for many reasons. For myself it is mainly a financial constraint that I'm working on rectifying this year. Also, I have been studying the subject of narcissism for over a year now and coming to terms with my own issues. I can not afford to see a therapist so online videos have been my therapist. Videos like yours have been incredibly helpful. I wish all of this information was available when I was a kid since it would have been tremendously helpful. Ultimately though I think you glanced the key point to look out for: communication. Is the person able to communicate in a way that is open and honest? Do they tend to only talk about themselves or things that effect only their lives? Do they express any genuine interest in you and others? If not that is a bad sign. On a note involving gender, what ratio of clients do you have who are men vs women?

  • Janet Jaworski
    Janet Jaworski Year ago +2

    Stephanie,
    As usually this is a great teaching!! It really is free coaching/counseling. I appreciate all you care to share.
    When a person puts up with disrespect no matter how small or subtle, that needs to be a big red flag!
    Mutual respect, keeping your word, honesty and ownership are basic staples for any relationship to be healthy.
    Hoping things will change with no proven track record is only wishful thinking and sets a person up for hurt & much disappointment.
    Don't just listen to what a person says, but watch what they do.

  • Iva Wood
    Iva Wood 3 years ago +12

    Yes it so important to be able to identify these traits early on!
    Thank you for your video!

  • A R
    A R 3 years ago +14

    Thank you so much for guiding me! I truly know what self love is now. I am strong enough to walk away from a toxic relationship after 10 years! I stayed as I did have low self esteem thinking I would be nothing without him . I tried my best but we always ended up in vicious cycles. We could never solve issues in a normal manner. The signs that you mentioned were present for years. I am content and at peace now 🙏

  • A.L.
    A.L. 3 years ago +4

    Stephanie, I love the time you give and attention you pay to producing quality content. I love the lighting, set and especially the tone and speed of your voice. You explain it all so clearly and work hard to engage your viewers. Well Done!

  • Nadira Ilana
    Nadira Ilana 2 years ago +8

    My toxic ex always spoke about his past relationships (which in itself was unhealthy) but he always blamed himself and I felt sorry for him. When he left me for someone else, he said that if he were me, he'd be happy for the person he loved. He was a selfish manipulator with low self esteem.
    Everything else resonates.

  • Iza Waniek
    Iza Waniek Year ago +3

    Great advice, teenagers should learn about it. I wish I had been taught it myself. Thank you.

  • Journey Evolution
    Journey Evolution Year ago +2

    Great video! This can apply to both men and women. I know from experience! The most important thing I believe, and as Stephanie mentioned, is loving yourself. If you can begin to do that you will be able to spot the red flags a lot sooner in to meeting someone and before getting too emotionally attached.

  • Yvonne Puentes
    Yvonne Puentes Year ago +3

    I am experiencing all of the above with the person I am with. He does it all. Thank you for this! I had second guessed myself thinking that maybe I was the toxic person. At this point... It is time to move on and discard this person.

  • 313_Det
    313_Det 3 years ago +460

    They should teach this in high school

  • Frederika27
    Frederika27 3 years ago +10

    As a young adult, I was never allowed to date, so I can't judge men very well! Thank you!

  • Sarah X
    Sarah X 3 years ago +24

    My narcissistic abusive ex constantly said, "I'm not perfect." not just that he knew he was imperfect and had a low self-esteem that he, upon confrontation, would not admit though, but the excuse "I'm not perfect." is just a manipulation tactic to get away with their crimes. Narcissists still walk on through life, pretending to be perfect. He was also good with the triangulation and my blamed jealousy on me. I had never been a jealous person in my life before I met him. He said the same about his former girlfriend (Who by the way died while she was with him! Go figure!) and said, "I cheated on her, because she was jealous, so if she accuses me to have an affair, I thought, I might as well do it." Not that he caused this jealousy in her like he did in me... ha!

    • francine smith
      francine smith 2 years ago

      They do the jealousy thing because it's a form of control I think. They love controlling your emotions because your body follows your mind. Then they have total control over you. Sick.

    • ACS
      ACS 3 years ago +2

      You dodged a bullet 🙂

    • Sarah X
      Sarah X 3 years ago +2

      @Sonia S Or "You can at least be civilized." LOL ... like he ever was!

    • Sonia S
      Sonia S 3 years ago +5

      another good one is "hey, we're only human here" although they, in fact, are actually not

  • Sunshine Dayz
    Sunshine Dayz 3 years ago +13

    Great video!
    I need this advice now. I broke up a month ago. I am healing now and not ready to date for a LONG time, but I am learning all that I can in the mean time!

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  3 years ago +7

      You will be able to spot this easily when you are ready to get back out there. 👍

  • Gray Rock Around The Clock

    I wish I had known these things when I went on dates with people I met online in my 20's. Spot on.

  • Vikki Pollard
    Vikki Pollard 3 years ago +177

    The first point does not help with covert narcissists. In the beginning they are the perfect mate. Thenthey change, in your in too deep.

    • Justine Crosby
      Justine Crosby 2 years ago

      Ok night night

    • The Good Choice
      The Good Choice 3 years ago +3

      Vikki Pollard exactly

    • Stephanie Lyn Coaching
      Stephanie Lyn Coaching  3 years ago +43

      Absolutely… Narcissist is different than someone who is just toxic and unhealthy even though narcissist is toxic and unhealthy. The way that they go about hooking someone abusing someone and using specific tactics is different than just someone who is not good for you.

  • Isadore Anabelle
    Isadore Anabelle 3 years ago +3

    Thank you so much for existing Stephanie and changing tons of lives!

  • Kerrie Kolenda
    Kerrie Kolenda 3 years ago +11

    Wow. This is good. Now to stand firm on ending a toxic relationship. Over and over he is hostile angry and says he is going to make things better. It never changes. Just a broken record. I've made it clear I want nothing more to do with him. It's like he dont hear me. 5 years of tears hurt and betrayal and he's all about himself to this day. So much I could share. I would end up writing a book. Im just at the point were I am in now self repair and hoping for the love of god he leaves me alone. Everyday I get stronger and I've learned to not give in.

  • Chris
    Chris 3 years ago +59

    This can be for guys too. The girl I was with was so toxin and manipulative.

    • Cok3 Dr1p
      Cok3 Dr1p Year ago

      @Lauren C. grow up

    • Cok3 Dr1p
      Cok3 Dr1p Year ago

      @Shanine Edwards grow up

    • PassionatelyMe
      PassionatelyMe Year ago +2

      True. Speaking as a female, I’ve seen plenty of females be toxic and manipulative. It’s not about gender. It’s about realizing what is and is not healthy.

    • Laura Holbrook
      Laura Holbrook Year ago +2

      I find women to be way more manipulative than men.

    • nancy sungyun
      nancy sungyun 2 years ago

      @Sandra Mullen So true!!!

  • K Johnson
    K Johnson 2 years ago +1

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge & insight. I'm coming out of a nearly 4-year toxic, volatile relationship. I've learned so, so much from your videos & ive grown to love and respect myself- FINALY- & im 52 years old! You are a blessing to many.

  • Carie Young
    Carie Young 2 years ago +32

    1). they own their part in past relationships - (look out for the person that says their X was crazy and caused the downfall of marriage or relationship etc without taking any responsibility )
    2). Does this person know where their wounds are? Are they aware of their struggles/tough times etc (self awareness) are they healthy enough to work on themselves and heal
    3). He/she’s not consistent on intentions - be careful of what you tolerate/allowing them to be flaky. Respect and communication!
    4). Codependent? Needy? desperate? This is a dangerous place to be as you will naturally attract people with bad intentions- learning to love yourself is imperative!

  • mycoffeisgood
    mycoffeisgood 3 years ago +5

    Great video again! I like that your videos are not about bashing men or women, it is just about people issues. And definitely useful in friendships as well.

  • Halie C
    Halie C Year ago +1

    Omg, when you asked the question.....Am I over reacting to the situation....I literally said no!!! I wasn't expecting you to say it too :) That was such a relief to actually validate myself for knowing I wasn't wrong for knowing I wasn't over reacting to knowing he was treating me in such a way when he was calling me jealous and crazy all the while knowing he was doing exactly what I was telling him he was doing. Cheating and lying and deceiving me x

  • Jon Smith
    Jon Smith 2 years ago +29

    Ask a narcissist “what area in your life can you work to improve “ ... silence

    • Amanda Scottdale
      Amanda Scottdale 10 months ago

      😂😂😂

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 10 months ago

      I’m gonna try this on him.

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 10 months ago

      My ex would tell me what he needs to work on but still seems narcissistic

    • Rosemary Vargas
      Rosemary Vargas 11 months ago +1

      Well put!

    • ladolcevita
      ladolcevita 2 years ago +1

      Jon Smith my partner would say “if you stop nagging or hanging around or starting arguments, I’d be fine”. He often tells me “when you’re not around I’m completely fine”.

  • Lulu Love
    Lulu Love 3 years ago +3

    I’m in my twenties and it took my late teens and early twenties to realize all of these. This is on point!

  • T. Jim
    T. Jim 2 years ago +1

    Great points. Can confirm, my ex-wife was a Toxic Man in our relationship 😂 But I was an anxious-attachment trait people-pleaser, so if it wasn't her, it was going to be someone else anyways. The discard was really painful, but I thank her for that life lesson, it was very valuable to learn. That pain allowed me to attract your videos, Stephanie, which have been absolutely fundamental in my growth.

    • Lelia Voinea
      Lelia Voinea 2 years ago

      Man can also become victims of abusive relationship with toxic woman.

  • DJ Laura Touray
    DJ Laura Touray 3 years ago

    Love this video so much Steph. Thank you so much for all your time and efforts! You are awesome and I am going to use this as my “go to” video. Much love from London xxx

  • Simple Things
    Simple Things 3 years ago +1

    You are the bomb 🔥 Stephanie, so right on. May we walk in wisdom. Thanks much. So hard when you are lonely, but have to disengage from a toxic person. God is my refuge.

  • kylie Wilson
    kylie Wilson 2 years ago

    Thanks Stephanie i really needed to hear this. Very clear and well explained very lovely and carefully broken down into simple parts. Great video and i feel very validated for my decisions in breaking away from this toxic relationship x

  • Ekaterina Dimitrova

    Thank you. I went through an abusive relationship and I wish I had run away when I first saw all the red flags. Your videos are helpful and educational.

  • Hydra the Organism
    Hydra the Organism Year ago +4

    When I was in high school, girls were jumping on the “girls like bad boys” train. I thought I was attracted to “bad boys” for a long time, because the media said so 🤣.
    Then I realised I don’t like when people treat me like shit so. Not that I only date “nice guy”, just normal functional person is good enough.

  • All aboard the gravy train

    I was a fool to think he won’t treat me like how he treated his ex. He was also very scared of me talking to his ex. Scared of me finding out just how brutal he was as a partner.

  • Diana Lerêve
    Diana Lerêve 10 months ago +1

    Love this video-especially the part when you, Stephanie, clearly define verbal violence as severe abuse; because it is, and because this is far too often overlooked. Words can be weapons

    • Amy Jacobs
      Amy Jacobs 8 months ago

      @RU-clipBlows he's toxic.

    • Diana Lerêve
      Diana Lerêve 8 months ago +1

      @RU-clipBlows Of course they can be

  • Marilyn Bradley
    Marilyn Bradley 3 years ago +3

    I never ever give them the option to change. They change for a short period of time then they go back to the same behavior. Flakiness is a part of their make up.

  • Michele Harris
    Michele Harris 2 years ago +1

    I view the phrase, “I’m not perfect!” as manipulative-an implication that I’m expecting the person to be perfect, and since no one is perfect, it would be unreasonable or ridiculous for me to expect that...so, it’s a very subtle and veiled way of saying, “You aren’t reasonable.” or “You have unreasonable expectations of me.” I always pay attention to my gut feeling. If I’m feeling insulted by a comment that, on the surface, most people would hear as humble or an admission of weakness or fault, and I’m feeling insulted/upset/annoyed/angry...there’s likely a reason. I have learned to look at intent instead of just the words being said.

  • M K
    M K 3 years ago +3

    Spot on!!! Love your videos. Thank you so much for what you do!!! Sooo much more I could say expressing my appreciation for you and what you do.. But I will just leave it at that, don't want to write an essay 😄! Much love to you ❤

  • Caribbean Dee Loving life’s journey

    Hi I really enjoy your coaching. Thank you
    Can you do a video on 1-how to recognize early and avoid emotionally unavailable men and 2- how to fix daddy issues from an emotionally unavailable dad.
    Thanks much. Blessings

  • Jenn Lloyd
    Jenn Lloyd 3 years ago +3

    Thank you Stephanie... I love your video's and watch them every time they come out. This one made me want to call my ex and say WATCH THIS YOU IDIOT!! But, ya he's narcissistic, we both are codependent. I was married to him for 20 years divorced 3 years but, dated him 2 out of the 3 years again with getting engaged only to find out he cheated again... But, ya I'm 100% done now. Healing from this though has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.. I have 4 kids which 3 of them are still at home so, it's hard seeing him at all. And, trying to heal at the same time when he's still in ties with me for kids, finances, etc. I can't wait till I am no longer codependent & have any harsh feelings towards him.. I just can't wait for that day!! Thank you Stephanie for helping me so much healing from narcissistic abuse for over 20 years.. It is really, really hard to even cope sometimes still.

  • EllaChina
    EllaChina 3 years ago +5

    I am so glad that I found your channel when I needed it most.

  • kattoo13
    kattoo13 2 years ago +1

    You just described my ex in a nutshell. After almost 4 years together, he broke up with me via text a few days ago.
    Now, I see it as a blessing. I ignored the red flags, and hoped he would change. I would spill my guts to him, and his response was, “that’s between you and your therapist”...insinuating I need to go to a therapist.
    He told me I was jealous of everything, and I admit I was because if things HE had done.
    I’m going to Paris solo in November. After he broke up with me, he suggested we still go on our planned trip as “friends”. I told him I was going by myself. One of many steps of liberating myself and healing from my heartache.

  • N Moss
    N Moss 3 years ago +2

    Your video is so helpful to me. I just realized it’s not only the bad qualities in a man, but people in your life that have these qualities. It’s good to know about these qualities in a man. I wish I knew about this in my previous relationship. The signs were already there and I never realized this. Hindsight’s only 20/20 right?

  • VintageSoul
    VintageSoul Year ago +1

    The man I live with, we have a child together, is definetly a toxic person. Maybe even a narcissist. And in our last fight I said "even if I am to blame for every wrong in our relationship-" and he was like "well, do you? DO YOU?"
    We have been together for over 7 years and he tries to make me take the blame for EVERYTHING wrong between us?!
    Everything is about him, always.
    I'm so done.

  • Emily Hintze
    Emily Hintze 3 years ago

    I love you thank you!!! So many of us needed to hear this myself included

  • Angel Rose 🌹
    Angel Rose 🌹 Year ago

    This is ALL 100% my husband I struggle every single day unsure if I’m doing the right thing staying in this marriage with 3 children. Thank you for this perspective.

  • Sara Bayoumi
    Sara Bayoumi Year ago

    you're literally the best coach of the internet. so thankful for you

  • Beach Traveller
    Beach Traveller 3 years ago +7

    So Valuable thank u. This needs to go viral on Facebook:))

  • Karen j Kamps Kamps
    Karen j Kamps Kamps Year ago +7

    He has never admitted fault, oh my God wow, exactly what I live with every day

  • Pyro mythical
    Pyro mythical 3 years ago +2

    I have started watching your videos after my current partner has had multiple professionals identify a high chance due to her traits of having BPD. It came to light after a psychological injury she suffered at work. I've taken it upon myself to really increase my knowledge of BPD and what has been happening with her so I can better support her in her recovery.
    She's seeing a very highly reputed psychiatrist who is helping her tremendously - and I myself am seeing a psychologist to help me identify where I am coming up short, and how I can better approach situations that come up with our relationship.
    Your videos are fantastic, however I do have to ask why this video was labelled towards men when everything I heard within it is not explicitly only related to males?
    I work in Human Services myself, currently providing therapeutic support to those with mental and physical illness - so all of these topics are of interest to me in my professional life, also.

    • Mara GL
      Mara GL 8 months ago

      Because of "machismo". The machismo us on youtube too

    • Pyro mythical
      Pyro mythical 3 years ago

      @Beyond Beauty69 I appreciate your comment, however I did state she is receiving help professionally and that I am doing what I can to understand her more so I can be a support - not a hindrance.
      I hope you read my entire comment, and not just the part where I stated I've taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can.

    • Beyond Beauty69
      Beyond Beauty69 3 years ago

      Pyro mythical There is no helping untreated borderlines, their partner is a replacement invalidating parent , not a healthy loving relationship very dysfunctional, u will leave when u burnout, as borderline demands are un realistic on another human are unmet they have to breakup and will makeup scenarios to fulfil the dysfunction. Its all about abandonment if they do not get it they create it. Very mentally toxic sick ppl. Be safe ppl

  • Marc Santos
    Marc Santos 3 years ago

    100% agree. Fantastic channel. Love your work. Thank you for sharing your perspective to expand awareness #Respect #Gratitude

  • Riwa Zoghaib
    Riwa Zoghaib 3 years ago

    Thank you so much for this video. Your words are just gold !

  • Angel Lee
    Angel Lee 8 months ago

    Hey there Stephanie, intuitive man here. We also watch your beautiful video, thank you for putting them out! Very helpful, also I would like to say when I look in your eyes, I know you have been through a lot, your soul is that of a warrior. Never forget, you can make it through anything.

  • Michelle Meow
    Michelle Meow 3 years ago +3

    Thanks for your insight. I’m going through things now, and while I know the signs, I can’t help but like him 😩🙈

  • arteisia calvin
    arteisia calvin 2 years ago

    I love all this amazing information if i have to cancel watching any other video its fine. You've been helping so much i cant tell you all the things ive discovered from watching you. This is such an important career, and it has to be one of the most rewarding i know. Love that top btw💙

  • Keelee Hudson
    Keelee Hudson 3 years ago +46

    I saw the 🚩 of him talking about his ex from day one... and I chose not to accept the red flag😩😩😩

    • Mariah Conklin
      Mariah Conklin 10 months ago

      I get that I used to talk about my ex negatively until I could see what I did wrong in the relationship but yes that is a red flag for sure

  • Rex Byers jr
    Rex Byers jr Month ago

    This video made me feel so much better about myself. My ex kept telling me I'm narcissistic and toxic. Had me messed up for YEARS questioning myself and second guessing. That's gone now 😁 this video gave me goosebumps and I know my worth. Thank you! P.s. wanna get married? Lol

  • Liz S
    Liz S 3 years ago +22

    I just realized im toxic which is why I attract toxic people , thanks for the video

    • tahani khalid
      tahani khalid Year ago

      How can i know if im toxic person?

    • bhf
      bhf 2 years ago +10

      Your not toxic. Pathology, family dysfunction and what we grew up experiencing as children we couldnt control. As you became older you may allowed toxic to continue in your life from dysfunctional cycles in your life, familiarity, relationships but unhealthy ones. That became part of your life. You have the choice to change that. That dosent have to be you anymore because you wasnt created as toxic. You were created as whole.

    • Fallon Rappaport
      Fallon Rappaport 3 years ago +6

      You can change

  • tika sari
    tika sari 2 years ago +1

    Be blessed and grateful when you still think logical and trust your guts

  • John Behneman
    John Behneman 3 years ago +1

    Great video Stephanie!!! I agree with you 100%. I don't want a toxic man as my friend either!!!! I seek frinedship and respect FIRST. If that cannot be achieved, GAME OVER!!!! When I see him/her working on self-improvement. NOW I CAN TAKE YOU SERIOUS. !!!!

  • queenlove25
    queenlove25 Year ago +1

    My ex would tell me I'm insecure all the time and I started to believe it. Continued to make me feel uncomfortable and said I just don't get the insecurity... Whewwww I'm soo soo glad

  • Jacinda
    Jacinda 3 years ago +3

    Thank you. Wish I could’ve seen this sooner... but, live and learn.

  • Cars with Ivan
    Cars with Ivan Year ago +7

    How come I find my ex GIRLFRIEND in that description? Also me being codepedent...

    • Joe!
      Joe! Year ago

      Because part of being codependent is you think what’s happening with other people has something to do with you We’re all a little codependent in society as a healthy normal reaction, but that doesn’t mean all of our codependency is healthy no matter how normal it is

  • Shirley Anderson
    Shirley Anderson Year ago +2

    Somebody being really nice and charming to you on a first date but coming out with mean comments about random strangers is showing you how they really think. Also a guy who takes control...Where you sit in a place even...without it even occurring to him you might like some say or he might be the flexible one. The assumption he will set all the parameters. I just get turned off by it. But I'm older, have been through it, and am alright with being single. Also i don't need any friends who do that stuff.

  • ReneeMarcou Official
    ReneeMarcou Official 3 years ago

    Thank you!! You are a wealth of knowledge. I’m sharing this video to my pages.

  • Chris de
    Chris de 3 years ago

    Amazing job this is so important to have the relization of truth it helps you to grow in all aspects of life.

  • J N
    J N 3 years ago

    Thanks heaps. It's like you are doing a basics mum talk I should have learnt as a child. Unfortunately my parents had not learnt this either.

  • Dr. Mrs. Professor Chaos

    Thank you for validatingmy divorce. I guess I've seen enough of the 101 videos that now, I really need to level up. I have got a handle on the emotional aspects, now I need to get the practical skills... the HOW TO LEAVE. WHERE TO ShELTER. HOW TO SURVIVE, I'm disabled and financially dependent onmy husband for survival. Tho it's so bad I'm just about ready to sleep on a park bench. If only I didn't have to fear being raped in the streets. That's a big deterrant to leaving without money and he's an EXPERT at keeping us broke. I've been financially exploited for a decade now and have nothing, even my parents are sick of the drama. I'm on my own in a state that has the barest minimum social safety net programs... Red state, you know, "fuck you poor people!"

  • Abena360
    Abena360 2 years ago

    Hello Stephanie, your videos have been really helpful. Thank you.

  • Dimitra Kontou
    Dimitra Kontou 2 years ago

    Thank you so much! This is so helpful :)

  • PsychedPerspective
    PsychedPerspective 2 years ago +1

    Yup. Lack of consistency is enough for my to exit stage left. Men who refuse to communicate yet expect you to magically know what they want or need. Like those are red flags 🚩

  • Lydia P
    Lydia P 2 years ago

    I dealt with the most toxic man ever so I feel like at least I cannot get worse 🙏🏼😅 He had every trait you claimed in this video

  • Vide
    Vide 3 years ago

    2. Also if their wrongs somehow always is very minor or even positive. "I care too much/I am too kind/caring" etc. Sure if it's only once in a while but something to look out for if they only admit to these kinds of "wrongs".

  • R SN
    R SN 2 years ago +1

    I met a woman who's like this. Toxic. This doesnt just apply to toxic men. Toxic people in general exhibit these behaviors. Very well put though. Good video.

  • Vanya Staleva
    Vanya Staleva 2 years ago +1

    About the first point... I beg to differ. My ex narcissist in the beginning of our relationship always asked me where I want to go, what movies to watch, which restaurants to go to..... Our relationship didn't last that long to know if he changes over time but it didn't look like this at all.