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Is my husband verbally abusive? 13 examples to know for sure
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- Published on Feb 1, 2020
- Know for sure if your spouse is verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, has issues with narcissistic personality disorder, covert narcissism, intimacy anorexia, or is neglectful. Do you wonder; "why does my husband criticize me and why am I always walking on eggshells?" Men who manipulate and are controlling do all of this and more. Watch for 13 specific examples of unmistakable verbal abuse so you can stop feeling crazy!
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I started bawling at the 11:00 mark. This literally is my life right now. Whenever he decides to be nice again, and I’m not responding in a positive way (because I’m still pissed/hurt) he goes to threatening all the stuff he won’t do anymore (not pay rent, be nice, etc). It’s just hard to know sometimes if just a temporary storm or just who he is.
@Shaida Nasreen If you can, leave for the kids sake.They may become abusers themselves, or just be very psychologically damaged.I am old and on disability and so I can't leave , but maybe there is still hope for you. I know it's hard after 20 years.That is how long I have been with my verbal abuser.My first husband beat me and I left him with a newborn and put myself through school.I wish I could leave this one too. Emotional and verbal abuse is just as bad as physical and also should be against the law.
It’s most likely who he is
I dated one it was abuse to the core.
Yes this is me too
Number 14: Talking over you, especially loudly. He won't let you get a word in edgewise.
Yes, this one too! I agree. I finally got to the point where I asked myself why I was even bothering to say anything at all…like anything. Because every time I opened my mouth he would talk over me. And the second point is also true from my experience. You’re listening for an hour and can barely get a sentence in. After years and years of that it takes a huge toll on you and you begin to really see that they are not interested in anything you say and that you have no value to them.
Yes!
This is exactly what I have been going through for 14 years. I thought I was the crazy one. The one who instigated everything. It makes sense now.
I’m so sorry you have been going through that. It’s incredible painful and confusing. You deserve to be respected and feel the reality of your own self worth. If you are interested in a complimentary consultation I would be happy to go over a path to healing with you 💛
You described my relationship. I can’t believe I was blind to this abuse for so long.
You’re right about getting physically sick because I’m currently having a ton of health issues. I was a healthy person before him. Toxic people can tear you down. I’m happy to start my journey to love myself and to distance myself from him.
@Ms.Bubs4fun I’m not.
I’m legit feeling that too! Physically sick of it and nauseated
I'm in bed and will not be getting up today as his words hurt me so much and I can't take another day of him. Every time I forgive him he keeps doing it.😢
I’m sorry you are dealing with this but I’m so glad you are seeing the truth.
This is painful to accept in myself. I relate to the forgetting/denial. But I don't consciously forget or deny. I genuinely don't remember large portions of full-fledged conversations I have had with my ex. I also don't consciously create chaos but I still do it. I need healing from these behaviors. I never realized I was this bad
When you were talking about the body responses and explaining how you tensed up when he came 🏡 - definitely relatable. It's a sickening feeling, 😷. This is amazing content, thank you.
I started getting anxiety attacks around 3pm everyday because I knew he got home from work at 430pm. I flinched and jumped everytime he walked into a room
Thank you! I wish you all the best 💛
Dealing with psychopaths is beyond exhausting.
I was verbally abused for 40 years of marriage and he left me for the young bosses daughter. Thank goodness. I now see that he did me a favor.
I’m so glad you escaped but I’m terribly sorry you had to go through all that pain along with the betrayal trauma. I hope you are now surrounded by love and support 😊
Hearing this I felt my body tightening up and sick. Almost from the beginning of our marriage he would say "for such an intelligent woman you're so stupid" which made me feel that I can't do anything or calling me "Puchi" cuz I gained weight. I was diagnosed with RA three years ago and he said it's in your head.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. If you are interested in having a complimentary consultation please visit my website or schedule a call at this link. You can heal from this. You don’t have to do it alone.
calendly.com/ketrathompson/call-availability
I really needed to hear the words about 'creating craziness' in your video. It is exactly what I went through in my marriage. I had been repeating these words to my husband for years and he just never accepted what he was doing. Thank you for taking the time to do this video.
cynthia queen thank you for expressing your appreciation! It can be so confusing at times and I’m so glad you are seeing it for the crazy making that it is. It often times requires a strategic intervention to wake these men up. Blessings to you as you walk this journey! 💗
I'm so resentful I'm crying watching this
Me too
@Prince-boo-boo - After years of questioning myself. I just found answers too! 😭 The most accurate help we could ask for. Thanks God, it’s not us going crazy.
😿 what do u do
Me too i was crying while watching this because i have experience everything you have said
@Prince-boo-boo I'm so sorry abuse is real. Sometimes it seems that we don't want to believe it can happen to us until one day you open your eyes. It's terrifying when you realize. Please know you are not alone.
Is there such a thing as being "a million times" spot on? If so, Ketra, you ARE! Divorcing a malignant narc this month (going to court).
Any updates or advice for us? You wrote that 3mts ago so I'm assuming u are already knee deep in. Pls give us advice
Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this but you are incredibly brave to walk away! I hope and pray that the divorce process goes better than expected and I am so excited for your new found freedom!!
When you started listing examples, I started to count just to see how many of those examples I could relate to... sadly I can relate to all 13 of them! 💔
I’m sorry this is a reality for you. For some reason men with these issues have very similar predictable patterns. Please know that it is not your fault.
If you would like a bit more support please fee
Free To join my closed Facebook group.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
Wow this is probably the most thorough and spot on video I've ever seen on this subject. It describes my ex's behaviour exactly. Anyone reading this who is still in this kind of relationship please find the strength to leave. It doesn't get better, it only escalates to worse and worse abuse. I think the author of the book is obviously very intelligent and has a deep understanding of this issue, however, I disagree that these kinds of people can "change". Most of them cannot even acknowledge that THEY have a problem even if multiple ex partners tell them they same thing or friends or family members agree with you. In all honesty it is NOT worth trying to change them or help them. You're just pouring all your love, kindness, patience and empathy into a deep, dark abyss. They will destroy you for sticking around and trying to save them.
Thanks, I needed that. 💚
Thank you! Very insightful comment. It’s a heartbreaking situation and I’m so glad you got out! 💗
I definitely tense up when he’s around. I’ve been called every name you can think of. If I want to go out with my friends, he loses his mind. I’ve found it easier to just not saying anything at all. I’m planning to leave but I’m terrified of what he’ll do to me. I’ve been physically abused in another relationship but verbal abuse is awful as well.
Listen to you intuition and get a good support network. I wish you the best! That’s not easy.
And when my partner told me I was "verbally abusive," I definitely got defensive and felt attacked. Holy cow this is reading my mail and it suuucks to realize I'm this way
Such a great video. I will never forget the day I realized my ex was abusive- I work for a charity and he said “me and my hens clucking on our meetings thinking we are going to change the world”. I was never so hurt - I’ve always felt so good about what I do and it crushed me. It was that day that opened my eyes and I saw all the other things in this list, of which he did 10 of them...I can’t believe I missed it for so long (11 years). So grateful for videos like this that helped me unpack all that was going on. I had trauma bond and still am working on it but these videos are essential to help people see when they are in an abusive situation. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us.
Coach Ketra thank you so much 😊
Coral Uru Thank you so much for sharing. It’s common for us to be blind to these behaviors. We have been conditioned that way and we also desperately want to give the benefit of the doubt. Stay strong and keep doing the things that you love and believe it 💕
For those who have expressed concern about having these behaviors yourself. Here is the video I did about reactive abuse. It’s normal to become reactive and take on similar behaviors as the emotional abuser as a self-protection tactic.
ru-clip.com/video/Lo1ELHLkrBE/video.html
Omg I can understand everything she’s saying! I love my man but every time he drinks he’s very emotionally abusive and I feel crazy cause he some how turns it around on me like it’s my fault and everything I say/do is wrong. I feel helpless, like I’m never good enough. He’s just good at making people feel bad
Hope you left cause “drunk mean” people don’t usually stop drinking and the personality switch is too much to have to live with.
Me too
I am same situation
Drinking just removes the filter and he’ll say the things he’s been thinking and feeling all along. Don’t fall for the drinking excuse
Cayla Bellard I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not because of alcohol, it’s likely because of his fear of intimacy or closeness and his belief that you are an extension of him and not entitled to see anything differently than he does . I have a closed group on Facebook if you are interested in joining. Hang in there!
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/?ref=share
This is my life. Every day. I want to get out but I can’t and he knows he can take advantage of that. I hate it I just want it to end
I’m planning my exit strategy right now.
Me too!
U CAN GET OUT, you just think you cant because he's broken u down to where he wants you. I've said this for yearsssss I cant do anything cause of the kids etc, easier to stay then energy to leave. I get it, trust me but when you realize more and more you will start to move away, trust yourself and lean on others for validation. Start by self love and learn how to love yourself again, your worth it, you are...
Get out babe. You can. It will be hard but you can do it. Peace is more important than staying in a nightmare
I know how you feel chloe I’m going through the same thing everything will be ok and you are going to get through it ❤️
I believe some people dont even know what emotional abuse is ....... Sad
Some people believe there is no such thing. They think abuse is ONLY physical or sexual. Unfortunately the WORDS and ACTS of verbal/emotional abusers leave scars that damage a LOT more than a fist. It took me MANY years to realize that my former wife and her mother & father are/were narcissists and had been abusing me verbally, emotionally and financially for most of our marriage. It was beginning to show in my stepdaughter as well, who began acting like her mother and grandmother. In order to save my own sanity, I had to leave that marriage.
Telling me it doesn't matter if I die or my adult child. Calling dinner pig slop. Stop your f'ing crying.. too many and now I'm exactly where he wants me in a wheelchair, stuck and no place to go!! I am so ashamed to say I married him 3 times and the fist to my face was the final bullet he used. Evil but more importantly I worry for our grown children... Damages we both may have caused...
Very true statement. Individuals generally learn these unhealthy behaviors through life's experiences. But its a fine line... I spent 20 years in a toxic/abusive marriage. I too was abused as a child as was my ex. I stayed without realizing it, because I felt sorry about his own predicament, but never thinking twice about my own childhood or the treatment from him. I blamed myself for all of it. It's been a couple years now, im finally starting to see parts of me and my worth in this world. Have hope, keep trying never give up. Network, watch videos such as these, keep friends and family in the forefront. I didn't have a family at age 15, you make your own family. May peace and love be your guiding light.
@NIcola A I’m so happy that you took that step. It’s a process to figure out who you are and it takes time so be patient with yourself. This is why I specifically work with people’s core belief system because so much of it is subconscious. I wish you all the best of you discover who you want to be 💗.
I you would like to be in my closed Facebook group for additional support I would love to have you.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
Yes you are right. I only discovered what emotional abuse was a few years ago thanks to a woman I met. I didn't know that I was in an abusive relationship until she said that she was worried about me after witnessing my partner. I had no idea what she was worried about because to me it was normal. I went on to discover that both my parents were abusive and so because I grew up like this I saw nothing wrong. I am so grateful to her but now I am trying to discover who I am because I was always who other people wanted me to be.
This whole video is my 17 year marriage to a "T". I was planning on getting out when my youngest turns 18 and is out of high school, well that's 7 years away. I'm planning on getting out sooner. I feel so much more powerful now than I did the other two times I left. I am older, wiser, but more exhausted. The exhaustion is ok though, I won't have the energy to care about his begging, pleading, and crying to come back. I'm getting the heck out really soon. Thank you for making these videos to help us victims of psychos realize that we aren't crazy.
You are NOT crazy! You are much stronger than you know. The thing about fear is that the fear itself is worse than taking action on that thing you are afraid of. Once you do it can become incredibly empowering! Your body and mind can finally heal when it’s not steeped in constant toxicity 💗
After 12years of confusion I finally get it !it is crazy to think that he blaming me for something he does
I’m glad you are getting some clarity about it.
Love how my narcissistic spouse who's currently bullying me calling me white trash while shouting to our neighbors about how I'm white trash would only see me in this video. He's very spiritual and thinks of himself as the chosen one yes, like Jesus. No narcissism at all.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thank you for taking the time to respond. That's very much appreciated.
I’m so sorry! Relationships are simply not meant to be like that.
Thank you for sharing this, I unfortunately relate to way to many of these scenarios in my current relationship. This is helping me to put things in perspective and I realize things are worse than what I was originally thinking/feeling. I'm so happy to hear it in perspective that I'm not losing my mind and I am a lovable and loving individual. Thank you kindly 🌿💫🌻💜
I’m so glad you found this helpful. I hope you continue to see things clearer and clearer as you realize you don’t deserve to be treated this way. The bare minimum in a relationship is respect, mutuality and kindness.
My ex used to say to me ‘I love you even though your a pain in the arse (PITA)’ and then call me PITA and say he was being endearing....got that daily 😢. He also used to call me mentally ill and constantly asked me how my head was....BTW he is in no way qualified to diagnose me or anyone else and I have never been diagnosed with any disorder...except being his verbal punching bag
"Verbal punching bag." Damn. I thought I had been the only one to use that to describe the bastard I USED to be involved with/engaged to!
I’m glad you see it for what it was... verbal abuse. It’s manipulative and his behavior is pretty typical of a destructive spouse.
This is exactly what I go through!😞
Pray: repent (say sorry), be thankful, say your request to God, finish by saying "in Jesus' name, amen."
I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s so coming though. You are welcome to join my closed Facebook group for additional support.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
This was really helpful even though there’s a lot that my husband doesn’t do. Thank you for the warning of not telling my husband that he’s verbally abusive because that was going to be my next step, lol!
I’m glad it was helpful. I hope you have all the support you need to deal with this 💛
I do NOT want to label this situation as being verbally abusive. That's why I watched this video. I have been researching for hours every day for hours about verbal abuse. I think I'm being verbally abused by my mom. Why I found out when I'm working on moving out? I have no idea. But looking back my mom is a good mom until she's discouraged. And in the past she's been discouraged about different things in different times. She's healed from the problem, but everything that has been said or done in these steps, this is what she's said or done over the years. And now I'm starting to believe it was and is verbal abuse.
It’s hard to accept this reality about a parent. Try to remember that our parents grew up internalizing messages that they then pass on to you. The best thing you can do is to create respectful boundaries with her and learn to protect your own emotional well being. Boundaries are hard at first but worth it.
The short, concise format is awesome and much needed on youtube. The problem with so many of the videos on this topic as they are so long, wordy, drawn out, and we have to wait for all of the important points. This is what people who are suffering through these things need to hear, quick concise to the point it helps deliver a message to a scrambled brain. Nice job.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback.
Thanks coach i really needed to hear that. 10.53
Its hard to get out when u r so deep in. Im battling cancer at the same time dealing with overt & covert abuse.
Boy, you are right about the body reacting before the mind can catch up.
Andrea Waibel,You look stunning 🌷🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I had one of these. He would name call and counter a lot. It hurt me deeply. I had to gradually pull away. I also believe we attract these type of people to us. It gave me a deeper understanding of myself.
There are always lessons to be gained from each experience. I’m glad you got away from the toxic relationship. It’s not worth it to stay in most situations.
I am going through this right now. I have a 3 yr old and a baby on the way with him. I’m so confused and have no idea what to do right now. Every single one of these is 1000% on point!!! Literally, every single one
Edit: I’m always called a liar for repeating what he says later on. He will swear he didn’t say it. And the sex thing is said to me everyday. I don’t know…. This video really touched home for me!!
Thanks coach ketra xx
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thank you ketra hopefully I have the strength to leave but not right now
@T B I hope you have a safe way out of this.
It’s not a relationship, it’s abusive. You are not crazy. You have been manipulated. I truly hope the best for you!
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thanks for the video it really hit home for me
I'm called disrespectful names every day I'm worn out
I am going through this too and it is so hard . I'm calling disgusting and hurtful names most days and its emotionally draining me. He even says that I am putting sleeping pills in his food/drink and going out when he's asleep to be with other men. Its crazy and I cry nearly every day
I have been living this married life for 32 years and I am ready to bring free NOW …. You hit so many things on the head ….
Unbelievable 😔
Same here married 36 years. As the years have gone by it has gotten increasingly worse. I now have an autoimmune disease. I feel like the constant stress triggered my RA. He drinks daily so never know if he is jeckel or Hyde. It is mentally draining.
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. You can get free! If you would like more information please visit my website at KetraThompson.com
You can also apply any of these to a verbally abusive wife -- which I currenly have. To a T. Thank you for this. Have been feeling very weak, overwhelmed and depressed. As a man, it's a lot tougher to deal with. We're supposed to be stronger than this.
Bro I am losing my mind dealing with this , I’m choosing to literally got to the streets just to leave them. Done ✅
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis Thanks for the reply!! Planning on leaving, it's hard though. I constantly think I have things wrong and I'm the problem. Thanks!
It can certainly come from a man or a woman. I’m Sorry you are dealing with this. Please know that men aren’t supposed to be tough. All humans have feelings and needs. It’s how we process those feelings and needs and how we express them that makes us loving or destructive. Boundaries are a good place to start to protect our mental health. Best of luck to you!
Thank you for this video. I made the mistake of sending it to him and explaining a few points. Of course, he outright denied or minimised everything. On a daily basis, my husband says things like if only you had a mute button OR are you still talking, omg! Two small examples, there are more. How do you cope when he is also like this to the children? I'm sad that this is all they'll ever have and know as far as a father goes.
@Panda Bear I’m glad he agreed to get some help. Finding someone who does EMDR therapy is a good place to start. Also a CSAT therapist has some specialized training in helping people become accountable and change behavior patterns.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis Thank you for your reply. It does feel toxic. I can find a way to cope but it's hurtful to the children. After watching your video for a second time, he said he would see someone. We'll see how true that will hold over the coming months. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to make this video. x
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You can’t simply cope. You have to start j Bering in your own healing. So you can regain the strength needed to hold firm boundaries or leave. It’s toxic to stay where the other person has no awareness of the damage they are doing.
This is my father, my mom has been in this for 18+ years, and she doesnt want to do anything concrete about it but I've had enough. He's not just verbally abusive, he's emotionally and physically abusive as well, and may have even been slightly sexually abusive...there's no one i can talk to about this and his sister always takes his side. Is there anyway I can consult you to talk about what I can/should do and whether certain things qualify as abuse?
I’m so sorry to hear about that. I would recommend reading one of the books that Don Hennessy has written or one by Patricia Evens called controlling people. All you can do is try to help you mother regain her confidence and get some clarity. It can be so hard to watch those we love continue to be stuck like this.
My ex...when I was married to him used to tell me about all his sex activity before he was with me...it hurt and it was almost he was comparing me with something he wanted in me...NOT. Telling me he was going to go to Canada and find a prostitute.....if I didn’t want to have sex at the time. Tell me what friends I could hang with...and so much more....woke up after 29 years. I always thought and prayed he would change...nope.
Same.
We just had our FIRST wedding anniversary in October.
I’m outy.
@E it’s a common tactic. It’s him deflecting his issues into you.
My husband said the same thing and talked about his past sexual relationships then said I was a cheater
I’m glad you were able to get out of that. When they do that it’s intentional manipulation.
Thank you so much, really helpful to realize what has been going on in my life
I’m glad this was helpful! I wish you all the best 💛
What kind of therapist would you recommend? I've been trying to get my husband to go to marriage counseling thinking that would help. But he completely fits this description. 🤦🏼♀️
"Betrayal Trauma Recovery" has a good counselling program. Check them out
I’m crying 😭 some of this is my husband attitude towards me. I’ve been thinking I’m crazy and often he said it’s my hormones. Ilove him so much but he hurts me sooo very much that I don’t think he cares.
Great video, hope this will help husbands or wives to open their eyes on their abusive partner
Thank you! 😊 I hope it helps anyone in need of understanding.
I won't lie, the most infuriating thing is when they pretend that what they are doing to you is actually what you are doing to them. I remember waking up with my left eye socket completely swollen shut and swollen from where he had grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face into the kitchen island counter the night before, and asking him what happened because I was completely discombobulated, and he responded with, "You just got what you deserved for ripping out my beard" when in actuality, I blindly grabbed at anything to get him to let go of my newly smashed skull and unfortunately it was his beard. Several hours later, my face was black and blue on top of even more dramatic swelling and he started tearing up staring at me because he said he felt really guilty for what he had done, so I ended up comforting him. I bring up his physical abuse because honestly I've never been in a relationship that wasn't verbal and emotional abuse and frankly, I'm used to it, but I did not expect things to get as bad as they have. While not all verbal abusers will end up becoming physically abusive as well, I think the risk is too high and we should all assume the verbal abuser will become violent as well and that it is only a matter of time before he does. Stay safe. We can protect each other. Don't wait for it to get worse before you decide to make it better (by leaving). Much love and hope to anyone out there reading this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re right, not all are physically abusive but it is a very real danger. Abuse in any form crushes the spirit. I hope you are receiving all the help and support you need to heal. You have shared so much brave insight here.
The main reason I love hypnotherapy is that it helps us get to the root cause of why we keep ending up in the same kind of relationships. Although much of it is because of their deception in the beginning their are things our subconscious mind feels are normal and overlooks. 💛
Crazy at the comments..I cried too..This is my life.In an interracial relationship for 5 years n every lil thing u said I can relate..worst part is I get called white trash n cracker everyday.I pray god gives me the strength to let go.its more than just verbal abuse,bones have been broken numerous times.I'm watching these videos n I'm beginning to understand I gotta let this go n do it smart
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! It feels scary but it’s so worth it to get free. Please consider calling the National Domestic Abuse hotline for help 800-799-7233. I truly hope you have all the support you need to create an exit strategy 💛. You are worthy of real respect.
I am a psych major & have also spent years studying abuse...while being in a relationship that I still cannot pinpoint. He does some things on that list, but only a few. I'm the one who has started nitpicking bc he'll say things very cold out of nowhere, then will deny he did. There's no way to move forward if he truly can't see he does shitty things & if his apologies are just placating. He recently said to me he has to talk to me differently than everyone else bc I'll get hurt. He says it in a way that's SO contemptuous instead of the understanding tone he has when he initially says it. It's not right. I subscribed bc I've never heard ANYONE go into such great detail so concisely but also state to "follow your gut". Great video
Thank you so much for watching! I’m sorry you’re going through that and I know how painful it can be. If someone can’t be curious about how you’re feeling without being contemptuous there is a serious problem. 💛
Watching this with tears in my eyes
I get that response a lot. People who have never experienced this have no idea how deep it cuts. I wish you all the best. Healing is possible!
Thank You so much! I’m currently working through a divorce. Nightmare. Wish every lawyer, judge and parties involved had to watch.
I’m so sorry! It’s so hard to get others to understand what you are going through. I hope you have all the support you need 💛
im dealing with what feels like ptsd from dealing with this for 3 or 4 months, so my heart goes out to all the women who feel trapped in marriages and are being guilted into making it work, even more so if they have children who have been in these situations for years!
I also want to speak as a child of divorce to the woman worried about her children. LEAVE it might be hard, split custody my father wasn't even as abusive outwardly towards my mother but his treatment of her was unacceptable, the kids will be ok. in my late 20s and i finally was able to say, "its ok mom he was mean, so mean i dont know how you ever put up with it" anyway we are all better than ever now. i still have healthy boundaries and expectations and good relationships with both my parents and my siblings are all successful and in beautiful relationships! time heals all and you are so vital your kids need to see you loved and happy above all.
Thank you!!
@vashposh Thank you!
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thank you 🙏🏽 you're a wonderful creator
Wise words! This is far more prevalent than most realize.
Best review ever on abusive husbands!
I'm going through a horrible ordeal right now.
This is happening everywhere. A lot of unhappy men who can't fix the problems except themselves. They are bringing down women with them. So wrong and sick
thraciangrapes, you deserve better my dear
Same.
Thanks so much for watching. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. You are welcome to join my closed Facebook group. Where I share other resources
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
My husband is verbally abuse me. I always think this is normal part of relationship but is not. Been dealing with this for 10 year and I lose hope in man and my marriage.
Thank you very much for this great video! Just found your channel and can’t wait to watch more.
Thank you! I’m so glad you found value in it. Feel free to request to join my closed Facebook group for a safe place to share.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
Thank you for your time to share your experiences to help others i needed this i been going crazy thinking im the one at fault... I just needed clarity... its been over ten years and I feel like he put me down ang controling,controlling me, and I feel judged and critized that I can't do anything without him .. always gives me ultimative every time I want to commicate..Gaslightng by acting like he has alzieimers all of sudden. I feel really alone and he wants to marry me says he loves me but, has created so much confusion to point of eggshells... I really need help ...? I feel like I he has no control over his feelings and im not sure but I don't feel .... I can do this anymore after him knowing I was homeless and have been through so much ... I feel like I need to heal I want to be in love with someone who doesn't reject me daily,,, I wants counseling for emotional abuse... im so tired please pray for me and I hope that Jesus will RESCUE ME SOON ...I AM A CHRISTIAN AND BEEN DEI G WITH CHRONIC ILLNESSES TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS MY WHOLE LIFE... I FEEL ALONE!
I’m so sorry you are going through this. We are not able to heal in a toxic environment very easily. It’s best to start making a plan to become independent. You have already survived so much. You can survive and become strong without an intimate partner. Maybe you can build an outside support system. We only have one life. Please don’t marry someone who isn’t willing to give you the respect you deserve. You can do way more than you realize in life 💗
Yikes, I already knew but this helps. I’m going through it and have been for over ten years now. 🤯
This is a devastating reality to be living day in and day out. I hope you have all the support you need. 💛 it’s so damaging to your emotional and physical health.
If you need additional help walking through this please feel free to schedule a consultation. The link is in the description of the video.
You got to love it when you're narcissist refers you to this video!
classic blame shifting. There is also a video about reactivity and why it happens. Check that one out.
I need to figure out what to do with my situation. The verbal abuse rages happen at least once a week.
That cycle is pretty common. I just opened up a few spots for coaching at a big discount for my email subscribers if you are interested. You can look at my coaching information on my website at CoachKetra.com. If you are ready to take your power back then message me here and I will set up a free consultation with you.
These situations can feel Confusing and overwhelming. I wish all the best for you.
Thank you for this video. Such an eye opener.
The problem is that both parties can claim they are being reactive because the other party is assaulting their humanity. Every man (or woman) is right in their own eyes.
That’s true. It takes intentionally writing things down, looking for repeat patterns and seeking clarity.
Debating with myself, do I just share this with my son, because I've actually seen his girlfriend do these things to him. He's at the point that he's drinking to get thru the day. He only use to be a social drinker, but not monthly. Recently told his brother that he's the family f-up while crying. This is not the language we use. Just at a lost at how to help him.
Give him the book
I’m so sorry. It may be helpful for him to hear some examples. He likely has some core beliefs that he is unaware of and needs to work out so he can understand why he is staying in a destructive relationship. If it were my son I would try to shine some light but I would also be sure to tell him that I loved him no matter what and that I was always there if he needed someone. Best of luck!
Thank you so much for making this video.
These videos have helped me a lot.
Boyfriend is controlling and narsassist.
Learned so many things did not know a name existed for these character behaviors.
jasmine perez I’m so glad you are finding the answers you need. If you would like a bit more support, check out my closed Facebook group called You’re not Crazy, survivors of emotional abuse and/or betrayal.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/?ref=share
Wow spot on what I'm going through. Almost exactly the same as me
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thank you
I’m sorry you are going through that. It’s incredibly painful. If you decide you need more support to process the effects, feel free to set up a consultation. The link is in the description. I truly hope you have all the support you need.
For 27 years when we get into an argument, he tells me I'm immature and needs to grow up. My husband is 15 years older than me and has the authority complex when he gets mad and tells me I'm the one that doesn't g see it or I need to grow up and I'm the one that just doesn't get it. Everytime we argue
That must be incredibly frustrating. It’s sounds like his way of getting the focus off of himself and redirecting it to you. It’s not a healthy way to be for sure. I hope you have. All the support you need to navigate this and set boundaries.
#10 for me…. And i got teary and couldn’t hold back at that part. Wow and the demeaning way he talks to me these days is hurtful. I feel stupid all the time afraid of what I may say wrong to trigger his choice of words.
You’re not alone. Unfortunately so many are going through similar things. I hope you have all the support you need to recover from the damage done 💛
On the plus side, from surviving this with additional physical abuse....it has made me one bad bitch. Constantly being told I couldnt do anything let alone do it right...has made me stronger and more independent. Now look at me...doing it. Also, I can spot this manipulative crap 5 miles out so thanks for that I guess. The more you know.
To anyone going through this...forgive yourself and self-love. Focus on yourself and your loved ones (non-manipulative ones). Give yourself time to heal and find someone safe to talk to. They will be your life vest while you learn to swim again. Even if you feel COMPLETELY isolated and alone, you're not. Hang onto that and make each day better than the day before.
That’s awesome! So much wisdom here!
Wow, you really know your stuff. You nailed it on every example. How can I contact you regarding life coaching?
Thank you! This is a link to my website. The coaching programs listed say they are sold out but I am opening up a few more spots so if you are interested after checking them out please message me on here and I will send you a link to set up a one-time free clarity call to see if it’s a good fit 💗
coachketra.com/coaching#coaching
Every single category hits the nail in the head for my situation..my husband says it’s my fault for the way he reacts and I find myself every single day all day apologizing to him for things I didn’t do or for trying to telling him my feeling I have to apologize because he says my feelings don’t matter. Always. I’m not reactive I can’t speak and I shake and I get smaller and he always gets louder and meaner and he starts breaking things and it makes me hurt so much especially when he does this in front of our newborn son everyday…I needed this. I’m not crazy like he says I am..thank you thank you.
I've been doing number 1 lately because hes doing everything else in the list . I know not speaking to him isnt helping but I'm in year 25 and idk what else to do. I've tried talking to him he says I'm tired of everytime I get home from work you bombard me with stuff , so I stopped talking to him when he walks in except for hellos after he relaxes I try again he tells why cant you let me relax then it became let me know when you want to talk and when I'm ready I'll come find you so I wait when he comes the whole time I'm speaking hes sighing ,rolling his eyes and trying to walk away so now I've just stopped speaking
That’s very tough
Yes, once you stop talking, interacting and basically act like their invisible they get rather comfortable with that as thank God, she got the point. Remember WE are the problem in their eyes, the 1 that causes the misery and that ruins everything. Happy we shut up and some can live like this for an infinity, I know mine can if I allow led him too. I cant coexist, feel ignored, unloved, non intimate and not alive. Took me 12 mts to get to this mental state amd finally got an attorney.
It’s very common to go quiet when you have been ignored or criticized so much. It’s a natural defense mechanism. My new 8 week program walks women through all the steps to rediscovering themselves and empowers them to request real change. I also have a closed face support group where I share additional information. If you are interested in joining. This is the link.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
This video hit home and made me cry. 22 years of verbal abuse. I don’t know why I can’t leave. Another hour of turning everything around again this morning and it all points to me. I have to hear all marriages have trouble. There’s name calling in all marriages. I just can’t let things go. Just because he is abruptly angry I need to let it go because he does. I have years of journaling. How can I really make all the crazy things up? I am feeling very lost and on the edge….
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis Thank you so much. I may take you up on this. Not this week though. My grandbaby is here for the week as of this afternoon. I am very confused. Everytime I feel strong I get sucked back into the hole.
You are not crazy! This is NOT what all marriages go through. A healthy marriage allows for differing opinions and views and treats each other with mutual respect, curiosity and openness.
The manipulation can create so much confusion and you are not obligated to stay in that. If you are interested in getting more support and reframing your core beliefs that may be holding you back, feel free to schedule a free consultation call with me. The link is in the description of the video. I wish you all the best! 💛
Omg you are the freakin bomb! Do you know that?! You hit all the nails and the one I didn't know existed, on the head! You made me reflect on a lot in suck a short period of time. It's like your a fly on my wall. I guess they just have those similar traits. Smh..thank you so much..i knew I wasn't crazy. Just had a situation a few days ago and I'm still trying to heal from the spontaneous outburst of disrespect and cuss words because I was disappointed in what he did..don't know how that makes since but it did for him. That lump in the throat..constant gotta go pee feeling during arguments. Its gotta stop..im over it and his attitude
Thank you! I’m so glad you feel validated. You aren’t crazy. If you are ever in need to healing support check out the link in the description to set up a free call. I truly hope you have all the support you need to break free from that toxic pattern 💛
This is the first time I've felt understood.. thank you
I’m so glad you feel validated. You aren’t alone 💛
Wow this is exactly how my wife of 41 years treats me. I think i have had enough.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you get all the healing and support you need.
If you are interested in a consultation to talk about how I may be able to help support your healing process please see the link in the video description. I wish you all the best!
Such truth... I keep coming back to listen for strength...
I’m so glad this is helping. You deserved better than this in a relationship. I hope you have all the support you need. If you are interested in working with me see the link in the video description. Having support can make all
The difference, even if it’s just a few friends or family.
When you mentioned about church ⛪️ and acting a certain way to make it look to everyone else like things are a certain way I wanted to cry 😭 I just can’t do that anymore. I’ve hit the wall. And it especially feels like a slap in the face that it’s reinforced by that person’s friends there and you know that no one would even believe you…plus you don’t want to do or say anything to make them look bad to their friends…so it’s like a double whammy.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis That’s so true! Thank you for your videos and encouragement 💛💛
Exactly! So you end up protecting them and their behavior and shrinking yourself down to do it. As if you don’t deserve to be able to be honest and shine in your own life. You don’t deserve that and God did not intend that. 💛
How come this video´s not called "Is my spouse verbally abusive"? I´m not in an abusive relationship, but I do recognize several of these examples from my parents and other close friends. Compared to physical abuse I think this is a type of abuse that many men experience as well. And I also guess that you kind find this type of abusive in same sex relationships. Feels like an important subject that I think both men and women could learn from.
It does happen in both women and men. My audience is primarily women in destructive relationship so that’s the angle of abuse I take in my videos. But the concept can be applied both ways. Or in Same sex relationships. Early childhood trauma is at the heart of the issue and that can happen to anyone.
Im so angry at myself I let it get this far in my relationship
Don’t beat yourself up about this. People who are emotionally destructive are also manipulative and confuse the brain with trauma bonding (intermittent love and rejection). Nobody can predict these things but we can heal and we can learn what the red flags are so we don’t get into the same situation again. I wish you all the best!
My borderline husband is verbally and emotionally abusive, but admits it.I even tell him when I am recording his abuse, but he can't stop himself, even when he knows it is going on a voice recorder.I moved into my own cottage on our property and avoid him as much as I possibly can.I am feeling more peacful for the first time in 20 years, but it has taken 7 months.
I’m glad you found a way to partially get away. It’s devastating to live with that.
Man this is my life I can't believe it. This is why he wanted to have kids so fast. My life is a constant whirlwind, ups and downs it's hard to stay happy these days... he is 13 out of the 15 things listed.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s exhausting. I help so many women find internal freedom from this in my hypnotherapy practice. It can feel so defeating and I hope you have all the support you need to make the best choices for you and your kids. 💛
Yeah definetly from his childhood...when we met and then got married I saw none of this with verbal abuse. It happens everyday now. I'm on a roller coaster ride. Today I'm staying in bed as the pain is so deep I need to heal.
@Jayne Stag You need to be able to get them out of your head so they don’t keep looping. I hope you have someone who can help you get some clarity.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis thank you.... I feel guilty about getting my thoughts and feelings out this way but if I don't it all just stays inside.🐛🌼 from Wales In Britain.👋
I’m so sorry you are going through this! The pain is unbearable at times and you don’t deserve that!
Wow 😳 this makes me feel so sad... I can relate to every single one ... my relationship has all 13
@Lissa Ramirez it’s important to educate yourself, make a plan and get support. I recommend the book The verbally abusive relationship by Patricia evans. You can also sign up for any née opening I may have on my website coachketra.com
It really did just know I’m awake to the issues and don’t know what to do
I’m so sorry you are going through that. I know how hard this is. I hope the video helped give some clarity. 💗
6-7 out of 13 what do I win? 😂
I’m here for the surviving tips because 7 years living like this is enough
Any amount of time living like this sucks for sure! Sounds like it’s time for some boundaries and consequences.
That usually comes easer with some deep inner confidence work. I hope you have all the support you need.
If not and If you are interested in having some help with this issue feel free to schedule a free consultation call on my website. 💛
ketrathompson.com
I have a question. I wrote down if they or I did any of the actions. They, to me, exhibited 11/13 in total consistently... but I saw that I commited 3/13 that I could isolate, which ofcourse is not objective since I cannot see myself. Is this normal? Obviously I need to make sure these never happen in the future... but... am I abusive too?
It’s very common for the victim to create coping mechanisms to protect themselves that wouldn’t be present in a healthy relationship.
It doesn’t mean you are abusive even though some coping mechanisms can be. It means you are having a normal reaction to abnormal behavior.
The best thing you can do is work on healing the damage done to you and caring well for yourself. I hope you have all the support you need.
I was nothing like this but since dealing with my husband and his family I seem to have turned into them because I didn’t know how to just get up and divorce the whole damn family. Now I’m still stuck and it has made me suicidal. But I’m almost ready to leave…..😥
I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that. It’s common to take on coping strategies that end up being unhealthy. I hope you get all the support you need to transition out of a situation that causes so much emotional and mental harm 💛
OMG.. I can't stop crying. I need help.
So sorry, how are you doing now?
I’m glad you are finding some validation for what you have been going through. You are certainly not alone. My coaching is currently sold out but I will be opening up a few more slots. If you would like to get on the email list to be notified for those opening please sign up at the bottom of the page on this link.
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Thank you. I needed to hear this.
I’m glad it was helpful!
These are more emotional abuse but tbh there is a lotta grey area between emotional and verbal abuse
This was my whole weekend I’m exhausted mentally I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I just can’t leave him. I keep kicking myself saying wake up he’s not gonna change
It’s common to feel that way. You aren’t crazy. I hope you can surround yourself with lots of support and other interests until you get the strength to choose what’s best for you. I wish you all the best 💛
Love your videos!!!!!!
Thank you so much! I’m glad they are helpful.
When I was little my dad was a mentally verbals abuse to me and my mom because he had health problems , he was on drugs and he always be telling my mom what to do like a child. He always yelled in my face and my moms face. I was scared of him that he would hit me and my mom but he never did. He didn't give me a good childhood at all. My dad wasn't the best father because he only cared about doings drugs and he also didn't care about his health. He also almost cheated on my mom too. Me and my dad always have fights. I had thoughts of hurting myself cause I couldn't take the pain I was going through all these years. I thought I was never gonna survive from all the abuse emotional truamas. I was 17 when I lost my dad in 2017 from Kidney failure. His death made me go berserk and I started getting into more depression, stress, axienty attacks. I was never happy and still today I still can't get over of him being gone I still got mix feelings for him.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. These kinds of experiences get lodged in our subconscious mind and create lopping patterns that we get mentally stuck in. Hypnotherapy is in my opinion the fastest most effective way to rewire those thought pattern so you can live the life you want. Reach out to your local medical provider for immediate help with overwhelming feelings. Also, I hope you consider a good trauma based therapist that does EMDR or a hypnotherapist who is familiar with trauma. I wish you all the best.
Why do we fall for these kinds of partners? Unfortunately I realized he is this way far too late. I’ve been very sick for several years with no diagnosis until about 5 years ago. It’s been over twenty years of being tested for everything under the sun? Finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia after all these years of being abused. Don’t wait thirty years to get out, just do it before it’s too late for you. Please! 😢
@Melo Lore🔮 Thnxyou and yes so true, we are getting too old for drama's and walking on egg shells .... so sad! I don't know it will be so easy as he controls everything (including $) but my health and well being is suffering I just feel it :-( Much Love to you also and I wish the same for you Xo
@Susan Austin yes soo true! I keep thinking what a waste to just throw all that time away but then I immediately realize that the time I have left needs to be happy loving & mostly safe for me. It’s sad to know that I can leave so easily now? I do hope you have a safe & loving life from here on out as well?
So true, I think its what we grew up with to some extent & feeling like we can "fix" them! After 30+ years I know I should have been stronger.... need to get out 😔
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. It’s never too late to get away and create a life that heals. I truly believe these kinds of people are deceptive and sell us on a fantasy. I also believe that many times we are conditioned to always be the nice one or to blame ourselves and because we don’t grow up learning boundaries we don’t recognize when someone has crossed the line. Or we think this is love because of how a parent treated us. But regardless of why we get into them, we can get out and heal. 💗
My man just hurt my feelings so badly because I was gone for an hour extra and I didn’t answer his calls. He called me a liar and a cheater over and over again and says things like, “half fun f*cking other guys,” then when I started sobbing in the bathroom he goes “why are you crying? Stop crying it’s so annoying.” I’m so hurt and can’t stop crying. I wish I had someone to talk to but I feel so ashamed to go to my friends and family. I know I deserve better. I wish I never met him. This is after almost 7 years...
Been there,done that.no more,said i wouldn't tolerate it from him. He thought i was bluffing. Who's crying now. Not me. Don't get me wrong i still hurt but i wouldn't ever let him know it. Ive now got more self respect.
@E I got accused of the same thing and group texts were sent to my family. It was mortifying
My husband told me I was cheating while pregnant with HIS child. He was also my first partner in bed. I never slept with anyone but him. I’m not vid first and he’s been with multiple women before. He still thinks I’m a cheater when he’s mad
Judie get out that's very nasty. He's insecure and doesn't deserve you
Story of my life I related
Thank you so much for this video. ❤
You are welcome to join my closed Facebook group for additional support.
facebook.com/groups/844194536058659/
I’m glad you found it helpful ☺️
Both men and women abuse. The numbers of women verbally abusing are higher than most think.
It’s true that it happens with both men and women. Both need to deal with underlying trauma that contributes to those behaviors.
Thank you so much,I needed this.
I’m so glad it was helpful 💗
I am dealing with all the 13 things in my life. And while I was watching your video thn also he abused me verbally. Life looks so meaning less these days to me. I don't feel love for him anymore. Everytime he comes near to me, all those words he said to me.. All tht feeling of disrespectful comes to my mind and my body just stop liking his touch... I don't want feel tht connection between us. I don't know wht to do
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like you need to reconnect with who you are without him. If you would like a free
consultation I would be happy to talk with you and see if we are a good fit to work together. I will include a link below. I truly with you all the best! 💛
app.squarespacescheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=24033631
I'm scared to leave because he will get more mad but as well I keep coming to terms with being on my own while he's out and then I have nightmares about something bad happening to him (my mum died when I was 14 and I imagine him how I saw her when she was dead) and I just start bawling Im still in love with him how he used to be and I need to just let go.
I’m so sorry. How he used to be was never who he really is. The very best thing you can do is make a silent plan about where to go and what you really want in life and start moving toward the goal of leaving. If you ever feel threatened or scared be sure to report it to police there is a record of it. I hope you are able to process some of the trauma that keeps you feeling fearful. 💗
I cant get out ! The emotional abuse has damsged our kids and i see them now at each others throats. Im a fighter i cant and wont let him get away with treating me horrible on the down low and in texts messages. Im stuck and never got out when i should have . I dont like anything about him. I never feel good. I cant heal . Theres no resolution ever. No im so sorry, never hear thank you , only demands insults and wanting sex constantly. Hes cheated had another child without hiding the affair. I am so down my kids are damged and i hate what ive put my kids through. Why cant i just leave ? . I feel deeply im going to die from a illness because im so depressed, stressed and im depleted. Now i hate myself and him and i want to hurt him physically when he talks down to me .
I am incredibly sorry that you’ve ever had to deal with that. you can find a way out when you’re able to work on healing your savant mind. If you would like more support please feel free to set up a consultation with me. There’s a link in the description of the video. I wish you all the best, you deserve happiness and peace and healing 💛
I'm at the point where I'm non responsive. He talks and I stare off and say nothing because what difference does it make? I'm so done.
That’s really common. People learn there is no point to speaking if you are going to be turned against or treated with criticism. It’s a coping mechanism but if you keep betraying your own self expression it will eat you up and can eventually cause illness. I hope you are able to get free. If you visit my website you can sign up for my email list and be notified when I have coaching openings. I wish you all the best.
My husband is very unstable with his mood. Some small things makes him angry. And it's always hot and cold. His behaviour. After shouting at me he doesn't speak to me anymore. He tells me I am stupid, I don't have anything in my had, although it might be true, I was always insecure about myself. I accepted him as he was. He has some issues with his anger. And his masculinity too. I accepted that. Partnership in marriage is more important. But, my health issues are declining, especially tachycardia and anxiety. But, I have no choice. When I go somewhere, I feel full of energy, but when I back home, my physical and mental energy is completely drained. It's exhausting.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis Thank you. You are so sincere. I will find my emotional freedom.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s extremely common to have major health issues if you are married to an emotional abuser. It’s hard to fully realize the depth of the damage but once you are free from it, your whole world may open up. It more damaging than most of us realize. I wish you the very best and I hope you are able to find emotional freedom.
Holy heavens
My life. Thank you so much.
I’m verbally abused on the daily by my family
That’s not uncommon and it’s also devastatingly painful. Doing some deep healing work and implementing boundaries can help you break away from repeating the stay and suffer pattern. I’m so sorry you are dealing with that.
I have watched many videos on here with various therapists and I really like the way you describe and talk in your video, the confidence that you portray in your speaking is great to listen too. I wish I could afford your one-on-one video conferencing and I hope to be inquiring with you somewhat soon. I do have a question, Do you accept a person just for a few visits only? The situation I am in is driving me crazy being told I am always wrong in everything I say and being critical. Just making the comment "You didn't seem very talkative last night" turned into a 4-hour argument, as I was accusing and making asummtions being critical saying she was a bad person. I need some advice and direction in how to fix myself. I hope to be in touch soon.
@Ketra Thompson Hypnosis Thank you! I will be in touch fairly soon to discuss one on one sessions and the factors involved. I greatly appreciate your reply.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with that. I don’t do single sessions. I usually recommend at least 5 one-on-one sessions but it really depends on a few factors. I would be happy to go over all the options in a consultation call when you are ready. I hope you have all the support you need to overcome this situation.