The Benefits of Rejection | Magna Gopal | TEDxJerseyCity

  • Published on Oct 3, 2017
  • When we think of Salsa dancing, we think of big smiles, fancy moves, and people having fun. Rejection rarely comes to mind, though it is a very common aspect of a social partner dance. Using her own experience with rejection in dance, Magna will take us through her journey of personal growth and improved relationships.
    Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. She uses the richness of partner dance to provide a deeper understanding into ourselves, our relationships with others, and the dynamics of communication.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 343

  • pops1 pops1
    pops1 pops1 Day ago

    She is gorgeous

  • Kittrell Gaskins
    Kittrell Gaskins 9 days ago

    That speech announcer is beautiful

  • thedemi78
    thedemi78 11 days ago

    Thank you

  • Blaze Level
    Blaze Level 14 days ago

    This could be one of the most powerful and most important speeches ever, to show to the sosial media generation growing up today!!!!

  • Aldrian McCants
    Aldrian McCants 15 days ago

    Who turned you down

  • Cindy C.
    Cindy C. 16 days ago

    When it starts in childhood it's far harder to overcome. Many carry it for a long time.

    SHREENJAN DUTTA 17 days ago

    So bizarre how this video appeared at the right time!
    Thank You ♥
    I recently faced a rejection ☺️

  • The Glow Up Blog
    The Glow Up Blog 21 day ago +1

    So beautiful!!

  • Paul Edwards
    Paul Edwards 22 days ago

    I want to marry her too

  • David G
    David G 26 days ago

    Thanks. I took it personal for so long.

  • Adam Taizul
    Adam Taizul Month ago

    Failure is the pillars of success .

  • lota68
    lota68 Month ago

    A lecture about rejection from a stunningly beautiful woman unfortunately makes it less credible. Im sure she has rejected much more that she has been rejected.

  • All Day Shine LLC
    All Day Shine LLC Month ago +6

    I love these talks as they help me cope. I am using this as a tool to motivate my next page in my book (life)

  • javajimmy1090
    javajimmy1090 Month ago

    I think it is nice, that she shares her insights. But I'm pretty sure, rejection is not what she thinks it is.

  • 3301
    3301 Month ago

    She *T* *H* *I* *C* *C*

  • sanjay das
    sanjay das Month ago

    Loved the lesson!

  • cyantulip
    cyantulip Month ago +1

    Wow. She is just stunning.

  • jamesa4050
    jamesa4050 Month ago

    well done, mmhmm.
    she lives up to her name.

  • joe blow
    joe blow Month ago +1

    She must be a conservative. Takes responsibility for her own actions.

  • paul Drake
    paul Drake Month ago

    I don't think this pretty girl got rejected at all.

  • Motelcalifornia2
    Motelcalifornia2 Month ago

    (6:50) The ears on the cat are wrong. They are supposed to be flat. I know because I hate cats and cats hate me. I know that look.

  • glam like
    glam like Month ago

    angelina jollie

  • vvelasco54
    vvelasco54 2 months ago

    I just clicked the video bc she is beautiful.

  • DynamicFiz
    DynamicFiz 2 months ago

    She got rejected?
    Bro people don’t know beauty,intellegence, And personality when they see it.

    • dante sparda
      dante sparda Month ago

      you did not get it , she got rejected by few guys most women want to be witth, most men are invisible to her

  • Lifen Zhong
    Lifen Zhong 2 months ago

    The speech just hit home. I can’t believe when I found this speech. I am learning to deal with rejection. I recently found out that I love ballroom dancing. I didn’t realize this is connected to dance. I am impressed.

  • Crystal Walker
    Crystal Walker 2 months ago

    Do you want a one minute no, or a painful dishonest 3 hour yes?

  • aj palkow
    aj palkow 2 months ago +1

    “Rejection” is good for the soul- it keeps us humble.

  • Damon Owens
    Damon Owens 2 months ago

    Toooooo fine!!

  • The Glenn & Aaron Show
    The Glenn & Aaron Show 2 months ago

    I love her point about how we fear rejecting others because it seems socially acceptable.

  • Adam U
    Adam U 2 months ago

    Creatively spoken !!

  • Flávio Rogério
    Flávio Rogério 2 months ago

    Great lecture!

  • EseChava 22
    EseChava 22 2 months ago

    This is why I love milfs

  • walt porter
    walt porter 3 months ago

    Great talk

  • Sy Hong
    Sy Hong 3 months ago +2

    Rejection is God’s protection

  • Terryl Miller
    Terryl Miller 3 months ago

    Who in their right mind would reject her if she asked them to dance? I'll dance with her anytime, anywhere.

  • Sergi Serrano Guillem
    Sergi Serrano Guillem 3 months ago

    I feel that its very ironic that this talk came from a woman, just cause usually men are more exposed to this type of troubles.

  • #1Lazer
    #1Lazer 3 months ago

    Manga- If you asked me out I'd say yes. If you ask me to dance I'll also say yes. Unfortunately my head and body move well, but it's like my feet are glued to the floor. I choose to be adventurous, because life is more than just a journey. If it's just a journey you can feel like a victim, stuff you have to go through... if it's an adventure, what happens is stuff to be experienced. Learn from it, better yourself!
    Seems you've heard of Jia Jiang.?
    On second thought. Maybe I wouldn't say yes... love your honesty. Though I guess it's realizing and be able to accept yours and others imperfections... okay, I switch to yes again.
    I asked a lady out recently. She said yes! But then she said no... but not without good reason. Makes me respect and be attracted to her even more.

  • Malie
    Malie 3 months ago

    She know nothing about being rejected...she a pretty woman. She probably got rejected by 2 guys lol

  • Brandon Jimenez
    Brandon Jimenez 4 months ago

    Thank you for sharing this positive message and understanding of rejection. I have never dealt with rejection in a good way and I am going to take what you have provided and apply to my new soon to be dating life. Thank you for having the courage and passion to share this information.

  • CreativityRules4Ever
    CreativityRules4Ever 4 months ago +1

    I needed to hear this video - one of the BEST I've heard!! I am now at the age of 49, able to say NO to negative people & to say YES to properly caring for myself, setting boundaries with compassion & to learn from the pains of my past & turn them into GOLD. I am doing spoken word, creating art, writing & I now facilitate groups sometimes & am returning to SCHOOL in less than 2 months!!

  • Mura Kami
    Mura Kami 4 months ago

    Dear Magna, You are a wonderful dancer. But you should really work on your self-esteem if you only allow comments unequivocally praising your videos. Goodbye.

  • Kristin Kavanaugh
    Kristin Kavanaugh 4 months ago

    Magna, so been there!
    ( As a Salsa Dancer)
    It took a while but I had to learn how to say no as well. I have practiced my no delivery many times. I have had to learn to respect my own boundries and my feelings in a situations as well.
    I had to learn to stand up for myself. I always try to say no gracefully & with empathy as well. Thanks for sharing!

  • Lonje Maries Wisdom
    Lonje Maries Wisdom 4 months ago

    She’s beautiful

  • Vegan Marc
    Vegan Marc 5 months ago

    Weeellllllll....when people regard you as a monster time and time again it starts to wear into your self-perception. In some cases I'd rather live in ignorance rather than make the next request.

  • X Rated.
    X Rated. 5 months ago +1

    I love everything about her analogies and examples because they force you to recognize the root of why people say yes = because we don’t want to hurt others. It’s a natural human response to something because we do not ever intend to hurt someone, despite our genuine lack of interest. However this speech helped me understand my problem, once I rejected myself. I genuinely like being liked. My whole life I went about my day with most people liking me, my energy, my effort, the way I spoke. It was a serious wake up call to me when I was rejected by someone who ONCE liked me, I dismissed and he KEPT chasing me. I ended up dating him out of pity, I had IRRATIONAL anger around him, I was never amused by what he said to me but he was SUCH a nice, genuine guy that I couldn’t say no. The worst of it all, I knew he wasn’t for me but I couldn’t bring myself to understand I wasn’t good for HIM. He lifted my ego, praised me, showed me undivided attention but I, being the selfish egotistical girl I was back then, just rolled my eyes and bathed in his affection. Until one day, he decided he deserved..better. I was appalled. Better? Than ME? Everybody likes ME though, how could YOU not? My serious, embarrassing issue was that I had never been rejected before. Never been shown that someone wasn’t interested. But that day my outlook changed. Suddenly I liked him more, couldn’t move on from him when he found someone who GENUINELY loved him. After all the time we spent together - I no longer meant anything to him.
    That’s what brought me here. The reflection of being rejected. Because it helped me realize that understanding someone can most certainly CHOOSE not to say yes to you/dance with you/anything you wanna compare it to, they have the RIGHT to say no. And for whatever reason they want to - NOT taking it personal is key. They are telling you that they’d rather not waste their time and although they don’t wanna hurt your feelings, they aren’t obliged to participate if they themselves wouldn’t be enjoying their time.
    I said yes to second dates with men I barely remembered the names of and I felt entitled to their attention. But this video (and some therapy) helped me understand that this is..toxic. I thought I was being nice but the opposite of nice isn’t pity. It’s fairness. Respect yourself enough to learn that rejection for both parties isn’t personal, it just means they/you don’t wanna waste their time when their entire heart/head isn’t into it.

  • rean seou
    rean seou 5 months ago

    I'd dance with u

  • Rukia akerman
    Rukia akerman 5 months ago

    I really need it ...thank you so mich it cheers me up 😊 and remember me about what is important

  • Lauren Keyes
    Lauren Keyes 5 months ago +2

    This is a VERY good jewel.
    Thank you 💖

  • Tree Tree
    Tree Tree 5 months ago

    were the people in the club blind? What kind of clubs was this beautiful woman going to?

  • Tree Tree
    Tree Tree 5 months ago +18


  • Lee H
    Lee H 6 months ago

    Beautifully said

  • M 16
    M 16 6 months ago

    The reason behind saying "NO" to when asked for the dance can be like..that man didn't know how to dance..or That man could be having partner.

  • Amrita Mishra
    Amrita Mishra 6 months ago

    I like it

  • curragh 42
    curragh 42 6 months ago

    Im sorry man. I just dont believe her. A good looking girl like that dont get rejected that often

  • ws279 xL7
    ws279 xL7 6 months ago

    👏👏👏👏 I love this! Makes a lot of sense. Now I will never feel bad about being rejected.

  • Ahmed
    Ahmed 6 months ago

    The only rejection that bothers me is romantic. I have been rejected from hundreds of jobs and many colleges but that doesn't bother me. I still feel extremely disturbed by the rejections from girls I've wanted. It's why I'm terrified to approach women.

  • Patrick Arthur Atangana Ngono

    She’s not talking about dancing obviously.

  • Syne111
    Syne111 6 months ago

    that diamond tho

  • Indian Mentor
    Indian Mentor 7 months ago +1


    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      Thank you for taking the time to listen. 😊

  • Roy Godson
    Roy Godson 7 months ago +1

    Very important and helpful speech.

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. 😊

  • adr ian
    adr ian 7 months ago +1

    After few rejections you dont feel nothing...

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      The pain of rejection still exists but it becomes easier to deal with when I stopped making it personal. :)

  • Tia Turnbull
    Tia Turnbull 7 months ago +1

    I have recently been thinking about how people attach their identity to situations. If someone puts a rock in the middle of the sidewalk and you keep moving it because you are stubbing your toe. They keep moving it back because they see everything as a win/lose personal battle. They are unwilling to talk about it and see kindness as weakness, don't listen and keep moving the rock back. What do you do?

    • Tia Turnbull
      Tia Turnbull 6 months ago +1

      Thank you. Happy Holidays to you too.

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      @Tia Turnbull Thanks for the explanation and the chat. 😊 Happy holidays!

    • Tia Turnbull
      Tia Turnbull 7 months ago +1

      BTW, the rock story has to do with how people attach their identity to a thing, situation or other thought. Then now that they have made the conversation about the thing about themselves, they defensively fight to win instead of separating their identity from the thing in order to look at the issue. Look at the " It is what it is" The subject is what works best regardless of who's idea it is. Many people don't realize that they are automatically reacting with intensity in their own winning favor instead of looking at the situation from a let's resolve it in the best way possible no matter who's idea it is. There is no win-lose, only solutions that work best for all involved once we understand each others ideas about it.

    • Tia Turnbull
      Tia Turnbull 7 months ago +1

      Thank you Magna. Actually it was helpful to me to understand from H.H. that people are regurgitating scenes from childhood where they didn't get there needs met. That way my main focus is not to take on for myself what they are accusing me of. They are not even talking to me, they are saying what they felt when they were 4, 5, 6 etc.. years old but could not articulate it then. So there is nothing for me to explain or defend. All I need to do is reflect, validate and empathize. It makes alot of sense, it reminds me of Byron Katie when she says " I can see how you would feel, see or say that when you are thinking that thought." Brilliant.

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      @Tia Turnbull I understand now. Most of us weave a story that benefits our narrative. Depending on how ingrained our beliefs are, it's quite possible that we can't see the other side. Or we just keep talking and pushing until we hear our version regurgitated back to us. In dealing with people like this (which includes myself sometimes) the best approach is to stay true to your own intention. Speak honestly and with compassion. If you're lucky, the person you're speaking to will pause and reflect. Change isn't guaranteed but neither should it be sought. The pause and the reflection are quite a feat in themselves. If our approach to the interactions that don't result in a change is to be frustrated then perhaps we are just as tied to our own way of doing /seeing things as the people we are trying to change. At the end of the day, self reflection and personal growth are the things actually within our control. Just focus on that and let the world come around...or not. 😉 Hope that helps! 😊

  • MubarakStayBless Mohammed
    MubarakStayBless Mohammed 7 months ago +5

    Be honest to yourself be unapologetically. Yes yes No no

  • VerdisQuo999
    VerdisQuo999 8 months ago +1

    It gets very interesting around 10:30. Very good advice.

  • daphney kokui klu
    daphney kokui klu 8 months ago +31

    If GOD rejects you it's a terrifying situation, but if its man... not exactly a problem!

    • daphney kokui klu
      daphney kokui klu 2 months ago

      @Carina Carter do you have a mind? Yes, you do. Do you see your mind? No, you dont, but you know you have a brain, that has a mind, thinks, feels, analyzes. Yes, there is A GOD and He loves you a whole bunch, you just cant see Him just yet!

    • Carina Carter
      Carina Carter 2 months ago +1

      @daphney kokui klu you don't know any of that. You can't prove God exist. Period.

    • daphney kokui klu
      daphney kokui klu 2 months ago +1

      @Carina Carter who created you my dear Carina? GOD or something else? Is man more real than GOD to you? I've been rejected before, so many times until I learnt that My Creator will never reject me. Besides, JESUS CHRIST Who died for you and me was rejected too. So now i believe man's rejection is no big deal so long as GOD doesn't reject me. Wishing you the very best!

    • Carina Carter
      Carina Carter 2 months ago +1

      Man is REAL. Rejection hurts. Keep whatever God you believe in out of it.

  • newtoninspired
    newtoninspired 8 months ago +1

    Magna Gopal, this is really like a next level of feeling rejection from a different professional life that stands so resonating with any general rejection faced in life. Thanks to TEDx to bring you on the global platform of sharing. Your talk makes me see the purpose of TEDx justified. Really, great talk. Nice to know a little bit of living in the dance industry too.

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago

      Thank you for taking the time to listen and I'm glad to hear the content of this talk resonated with you. I'm trying to post more content related to these issues that we all deal with. Have a look at my channel. You might enjoy some of the videos. 😊

  • These Truths
    These Truths 8 months ago +1

    Only salsa dancers can wear and walk a pair of high heels like this gal clearly demonstrated! I think any guys that denied her a dance were probably a waste of oxygen consumption! Lol

    • These Truths
      These Truths 7 months ago +1

      @Magna Gopal Merry Christmas! I agree with you. I was being goofy. I was rejected quite a bit from the apples of my eyes when I was younger, and I know they weren't being personal...I should not have had a mullet!!! All my good intentions could not be seen because of that goofy mullet! Lol. 😂
      Thank you though. It was nice to hear back from you. That's rarely the case. Stay kind and keep smiling...kind ladies like you make up for a thousand meanies. 🙃

    • Magna Gopal
      Magna Gopal 7 months ago +1

      I appreciate that compliment. I'll tell you, my first steps walking out on stage made me think heels were a bad idea but I got comfortable quite quickly. As for the guys that rejected me, they all have their worth. What I've learned is that their rejection doesn't have to affect mine. 😊

  • Kishalay Sinha
    Kishalay Sinha 9 months ago

    Although I feel zero interest in western dances such as ballet etc. which seem odd to Me, I have reached 10:28 of this talk and will listen to the end of the talk at 27:50, I think, because this is a very practical talk full of helpful advice on how to deal with rejection, which is universal. I would like to add that it is just not possible to say yes to everyone and say yes to everything asked for. This should not be regarded as rejection but as a realistic response. Of course, in all such cases of "rejection", an effort should be made as a matter of courtesy to make the "rejection" as soft and gentle as possible. In some cases, however, it might be wise to make the "rejection" seem blunt for the good of an applicant when it seems that he or she will not listen to reason. - G

  • Aleksandra Krysińska
    Aleksandra Krysińska 9 months ago

    It's super cool, that such a intelligent, neat woman share that she was turned down, even if it comes to dating

  • skyejacques
    skyejacques 9 months ago +1

    Wow. So much wisdom in this. I've said yes when my entire gut was saying no, and I wasted my time and the other person's. So true. The inner definition of rejection needs to be neutralised instead of demonized! Thank you so much, Magna for this one... Perfect timing for me to listen and absorb this universal truth x

  • Zoltan Papp
    Zoltan Papp 10 months ago +2

    It’s hard to belive that anyone would reject her. She is the most talented salsa dancer in the world!!!

  • Ricardo Murillo
    Ricardo Murillo 10 months ago

    She lies. Women that are fine looking like her never got rejected in my salsa classes. Men like me did all the time. Terrible. I haven't danced salsa in years. I dont need it. I finally realized that my last rejection was a blessing. I can live without women in my life. I have my books my job my sport my friends my theater club my sleep my peace.

  • R. Habibullahi
    R. Habibullahi 10 months ago

    She is beautiful and intelligent. She inspires me to do a Ted Talk one day.

  • Kakashi Hatake
    Kakashi Hatake 10 months ago

    After I graduated (honor graduate) from the university as a chemical engineer, I applied to around 1000 jobs, mostly chemistry and chemical engineering related within two years. Yep, I got rejected that many times. Now, I'm pursuing my masters. Plus, I don't know how many times I've gotten rejected by girls. I'm handsome, intelligent and all, but it is what it is. Their loss.

  • Ana Maria
    Ana Maria 10 months ago +1

    nice legs

  • GoldbergandPartners
    GoldbergandPartners 10 months ago +7

    Strong woman. Appreciate her honesty.

  • ShuCora Walker
    ShuCora Walker 10 months ago

    Great points in this speech about learning from rejection and learning to say “No” from an honest place.

  • Ryan Dulaney
    Ryan Dulaney 11 months ago

    What a liar.

  • Ganesh Kumar
    Ganesh Kumar 11 months ago +2

    The speech is so beautiful & speaker too

  • Ganesh Kumar
    Ganesh Kumar 11 months ago

    I don't know how to do

  • Ganesh Kumar
    Ganesh Kumar 11 months ago

    How I learn english

  • Ana Cruz
    Ana Cruz 11 months ago

    Thank you. I needed to hear this.

  • Stan Jackson
    Stan Jackson 11 months ago +1

    You may never see this...But Magna Gopal!! Thank you for stepping up to share this...AWESOME AND easy on the eyes... :)

  • Maximus Prime
    Maximus Prime 11 months ago

    I am so going to use this in my book :)

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall 11 months ago +2

    Thank you Magna. I've been avoiding the acceptance of rejection. I read a comment on a different video and that person said go through it. It's the only way out. You've built upon those words for me to start to see the wisdom in facing the crippling fear I've been living with. Right from my heart I thank you.

  • Eileen MacDougall
    Eileen MacDougall 11 months ago

    Oh my gosh, I'd love to salsa dance. Since I've been rejection, I know what to do.

  • khany2k
    khany2k 11 months ago

    Magna, YOU''RE THE REASON I STATED DANCING. To hear your talk today I understand how to accept rejection on the dance floor and also on life choices. Greetings from Canada.

  • Michal Janovský
    Michal Janovský 11 months ago

    well when the only think you know only rejection .... RIP me

  • TheMrmoc7
    TheMrmoc7 11 months ago +2

    I've been rejected by well over 1000 women and I'm still standing!! (alone). Now tell me about rejection.

    • VerdisQuo999
      VerdisQuo999 8 months ago

      Years ago, my friends and I would go out to see who could get rejected the most. Sometimes, it backfired when that one person said yes. It ruined the whole game and left you not knowing what to do.

  • deepika rajput
    deepika rajput 11 months ago

    A must watch for people who find it hard to say no.....

  • Andre Cameron
    Andre Cameron 11 months ago

    I am to here that from a woman

  • Steve Chavez
    Steve Chavez 11 months ago

    What if you mom rejected you ?

  • Anmol Gupta
    Anmol Gupta 11 months ago +1

    The rejection is make a personality to more powerful.

  • Fox
    Fox 11 months ago +3

    She got rejected by people who didn't want to dance? Geez, try beind a man for once day.

  • priyanka Khetawat
    priyanka Khetawat Year ago +1

    Even I got several rejection applying for a job, may be 60-70

  • L Ha ha
    L Ha ha Year ago +1

    The rule in salsa dancing it is you never say no to a dance. NO matter. I was ballroom train.

  • diana tea
    diana tea Year ago +4

    i asked my crush out to my school's ball and he said he'd think about it but my horoscope said to prepare for rejection so here I am

  • Arria
    Arria Year ago +1

    This was so well written!! And she did a great job speaking. I agree with everything

  • Yolanda Hatcher
    Yolanda Hatcher Year ago +2

    EXCELLENT!! Thx...👏👏

  • Neha Agarwala
    Neha Agarwala Year ago

    Not upto the ted standard.