Infidelity: to stay or go…? | Lucy Beresford | TEDxFolkestone

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  • Опубликовано: 24 авг 2018
  • We assume that ending a relationship after betrayal is the best course of action. Yet relationship expert and broadcaster Lucy Beresford passionately argues that the more courageous option is to stay and rebuild that relationship.
    Drawing from her work with clients (details changed for confidentiality) and from celebrity culture (the rapper Jay-Z spoke publicly about cheating on his wife Beyoncé),
    in this talk Lucy identifies:
    - the 3 courageous ways the betrayer and the betrayed can start to repair their relationship;
    - the 3 things the betrayer MUST do, to rebuilt trust; and
    - the Number 1 thing all couples must do to protect their relationship from being blown off course
    Lucy Beresford hosts LBC Radio’s Sex and Relationships show as well as the show Love Decoded for dating website eHarmony, and is an Agony Aunt on ITV’s This Morning. She’s the author of 4 books, including the global best-seller Happy Relationships: at home, work and play. She works as a psychotherapist at The Grace Clinic, London and from time to time at The Delhi Psychiatry Centre in India under Dr. Sunil Mittal.
    Feel free to get in touch with her on Twitter @lucyberesford or visit her website www.lucyberesford.co.uk Lucy is a writer, broadcaster, psychotherapist and documentary maker - in other words, a global storyteller. She hosts LBC Radio’s Sex & Relationships phone-in show, reviews the newspapers on Sky News, and is an Agony Aunt on ITV’s This Morning. She even blogs for Huffington Post UK Lifestyle. She was shortlisted for ‘Dating Expert of the Year 2015′ by UK Dating Awards, is on the Faculty of The School of Life and is a Fellow of the RSA. Interesting fact? Just the once, off Victoria Falls bridge in Zimbabwe, Lucy did bungee jumping. It changed her life - in a fantastic way. Now she bungee-jumps metaphorically, leaping into the unknown and having adventures. Like TEDx…? This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Комментарии • 324

  • Apo1lo
    Apo1lo День назад

    yea.. bleep this lady. Trying to portray accepting betrayal as the "right" choice. you don't have the right to make that judgment for someone.

  • Janan Ford
    Janan Ford 6 дней назад

    The fear of a repeat situation is what’s scary for all. And then you regret not having left the 1st time it happened. And just moved on then and built yourself up. And here you are maybe years later going through the same pain again.
    It’s truly a hard decision to make if you want to take another chance at that.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 дня назад

      +Janan Ford Hi Japan, I don't recommend suppressing thoughts or feelings. I don't know where in the world you live, but if you can find a professional to speak to, you can process your hurt and any anger.

    • Janan Ford
      Janan Ford 6 дней назад

      Lucy Beresford can you tell me if in order to actually make the marriage work would I have to suppress that thought and feeling ?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 6 дней назад

      Thanks for watching Janan - you highlight a very typical concern for many people.

  • Gil Harrison
    Gil Harrison 8 дней назад

    Bye the way,. "f" Jay Z" and Beyonce , the are just entertainers... not real people.... WTF with TED... I thought they were trying to help???

  • Gil Harrison
    Gil Harrison 8 дней назад

    Why is TED spending more time on personal things and not what effects society at large; like technology and politics, etc... this should be something dealt with on a much lower level... who keeps that torch?

  • Mike
    Mike 11 дней назад +3

    For me the hardest hurdle is getting the images out of my mind. Seeing her and knowing someone else has seen her in a way only I should. I'm just repulsed.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 11 дней назад +1

      +Mike Hi Mike, I don't know what part of the world you live in, but I hope there are counsellors that you could speak to, to process your pain and frustration. The community on this page are also really helpful, to know you're not the only one going through such hurt.

    • Mike
      Mike 11 дней назад

      +Lucy Beresford
      Its not hard to share my story finding someone to listen is the hard part. yes we had some problems nothing ground breaking or earth shattering. I was the sole provider for house. I had already bought our home, she never had to pay for our mortgage, I paid every bill, and I work on average 50-60 hours a week to do so. I'm only 27 years old, 6 months into our marriage and she goes and does this. Don't people want to fight for a marriage anymore? Is it that easy to just throw in the towel nowadays and toss away everything we had going for us? It sure seems that way.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 11 дней назад +1

      Thanks for watching Mike, and for bravely sharing your story. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

  • Susan
    Susan 11 дней назад +1

    There are many reasons that someone embarks on an affair. The thing is if the person having an affair found dissatisfaction in something in their wife/husband, and have tried many times before the affair to try and resolve it, but the partner wouldn't, why would anyone want to stay? If you get found out, why would the partner even want to stay. There would be no trust and you'd feel like a doormat! Actually you WOULD be a doormat.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 11 дней назад

      Thanks Susan for watching, and for sharing your views - always brilliant to hear different opinions.

  • Garvit Batra
    Garvit Batra 12 дней назад +2

    so basically the husbands mistake was that he thought his wife was perfect and could never do anything to hurt him...

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 12 дней назад +1

      Hi Garvit, thanks for watching my talk. You raise an interesting insight!

  • Brianna Whyte
    Brianna Whyte 12 дней назад

    Everyday i ask myself why do I watch these things and I'm 14 years old but its so interesting and fun it's hard to believe that I thought these things was boring when I was 9 years old.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 12 дней назад

      Thanks so much for watching Brianna, glad you found my talk interesting.

  • owlcu
    owlcu 14 дней назад +3

    If it happens once, it's probably over. Not necessarily, because we are human, and humans make mistakes. But probably. If you put the work in to stay together and then it happens again, run as fast as you can. Because they wouldn't do it unless something was very, very wrong from the beginning that you didn't notice. They were hiding a secret 2% while you gave the relationship 100.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 12 дней назад

      Thanks for watching owlcu, and for sharing your view.

  • Nicole Avila
    Nicole Avila 14 дней назад +5

    What lead to affair is not vulnerability but the persons choice to cheat. Such excuses. You don't wanna be with someone, very simple... leave. Don't create trauma for whatever excuse you want to throw out there. The breakdown happened the second the partner decided to cheat, instead of addressing what they were feeling in the relationship.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 12 дней назад

      Thanks very much for watching Nicole, you're right - choice by the person cheating definitely comes into it. Thanks for contributing to the debate.

  • Ellie
    Ellie 15 дней назад +2

    I just want to know if it ever stops hurting? Can there ever be trust and love again?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 14 дней назад +1

      Dear Ellie, thanks so much for watching, I am so sorry to hear that you're hurting. As I'm sure many people who have written here can agree, the pain does go, and love and trust can be yours again. The key is to be very kind to yourself, surrounding yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. I hope others on this page share their support too.

  • Hellolawr
    Hellolawr 17 дней назад +1

    Hi Lucy, my partner has cheated on me 6 times and lied about it multiple times in the beginning. If they done it so many times, is it even worth saving?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 17 дней назад +1

      See the comment below from @miamisfinest It takes 2 to make a relationship work.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 17 дней назад +1

      Hi L, thanks so much for watching, and I'm sorry you've had to got through so much pain. Doesn't sound like the two of you are on the same page in terms of loyalty!

  • Jorge Reis
    Jorge Reis 22 дня назад

    She is selling her product or service: reconciliation. She clearly has to support to stay and a rebuild a marriage.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 17 дней назад +1

      Hi Jorge, thanks for watching. Just to clarify, I do not offer a reconciliation service.

  • Miamisfinest 2015
    Miamisfinest 2015 24 дня назад +1

    You can recover from an affair if both parties are willing to work it out. If one is not it will be really hard to fix it.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 24 дня назад +1

      Thanks so much for watching, and for adding your perspective. It takes hard work from both sides, doesn't it.

  • JM Galang
    JM Galang 29 дней назад

    Never heard sorry :(

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 28 дней назад

      I'm sorry to hear that JM G. Thanks for watching my video.

  • Fred Thomson
    Fred Thomson 29 дней назад +1

    Twas a song Youre Lying Eyes that tells why am divorced

  • Melissa Jones
    Melissa Jones Месяц назад

    Thank🙏 you doc, however, he has not confessed. Doesn't know I know but we are emotionally disconnected right now! I want to speak up so bad I'm sick! Should I?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Oh Melissa, what a sad situation you're in. Get yourself to a good place emotionally, by talking to friends or a counsellor first x

  • colin dowling
    colin dowling Месяц назад

    Who let her give a Ted talk

  • colin dowling
    colin dowling Месяц назад

    Who let her give a Ted talk

  • Boom Bidawn
    Boom Bidawn Месяц назад

    Yes tits

  • Vanessa Williams
    Vanessa Williams Месяц назад +1

    JAY Z AND HIS WIFE ARE TRANSGENDERS! THE RELATIONSHIP IS BS AND WAS ARRANGED. PEACE&LUV

  • nolikecarrot
    nolikecarrot Месяц назад

    I thought psychoterapist have patients, not clients like in a cathouse

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Depends where they work, different settings use different terms.

  • perish ,
    perish , Месяц назад +7

    i think this is bs. people need to learn they deserve respect from someone who is willing to give it to them, and not betray them for 2 years and completely disregard their feelings. you shouldn't have to work to feel trust with your s/o. there is always more fish in the sea and they are usually MUCH better than the one that cheated on you, so don't think it's "courageous" to stay because it will mentally ruin you to have the constant, subconscious doubt of your partner, who honestly doesn't love u if they went and cheated tbh.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Thanks for watching Perish, and for sharing your view. I guess we don't agree on everything, but as you'll see at the end, I believe self-respect is vital and, acting on it will help you make healthy decisions.

  • Ralph Griswold
    Ralph Griswold Месяц назад

    This is one of the biggest cop outs of responsibility ive ever seen

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад +1

      Thanks for watching Ralph and for sharing your opinion. Always good to hear what other people think.

  • Fylosofy
    Fylosofy Месяц назад

    I grew to disagree. There is no one solution fits all so it all depends on different people's lives.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Thanks so much for watching and for sharing your response to my talk.

  • Dan 57
    Dan 57 Месяц назад +6

    A one night stand or quick fling is one thing, but 2 years?? There's no way I could ever get past that.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 21 день назад +1

      +Ann Cam Thanks for watching Ann, and for sharing your thoughts. I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that.

    • Ann Cam
      Ann Cam 21 день назад +1

      I agree Dan 57. My bf had a quick 5 day fling, and that's painful enough. There is no way I'd be able to forgive 2 years! I don't even know if I can forgive the fling.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Hi Dan, thanks so much for watching and for sharing your perspective.

  • Linda D
    Linda D Месяц назад +8

    I watched your video of ending a relationship or staying. I don't believe a more courageous person would stay. I was a married person who decided to leave. I gave up everything I built during my marriage, but I left anyway because of my anger. Leaving was the best choice. Staying is not courageous for most. It's a person who is afraid of what comes next

    • Linda D
      Linda D 11 дней назад

      +Autumn Acker your children know something wrong. They may know why or may not. They will grow up thinking what is happening between the two of you are normal. I don't know about you but I cannot leave that legacy for my children.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 11 дней назад +2

      +Autumn Acker Thanks for watching. I'm so sorry you're still angry. I hope you can find a way to process that, for your own sake and for your children.

    • Linda D
      Linda D Месяц назад

      +Lucy Beresford Yes you did. You also said the more courageous choice is to stay and work it out. You do give a good speechthat makes sense.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад +1

      Thanks for watching Linda, and for having the courage to leave your relationship and face what comes next... as you know, my talk explores both. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I'm sorry you were put in that position. Hope life is good for you now.

  • Fred Thomson
    Fred Thomson Месяц назад

    Hit me like a ton of bricks when i eas suspected of cheating. After that nowaycould i attone gor her doubts.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Thanks for commenting Fred, and for watching - I really appreciate it. I'm sorry you had to go through that pain. Hope you're in a better place now.

  • Antonija Juric
    Antonija Juric Месяц назад

    Go.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Thanks so much for watching Antonija, and for sharing your perspective.

  • Mike
    Mike Месяц назад

    I want to feel safe, love and considered. Being heard has meant nothing to me in my 40.5 year marriage. Not being considered ended that relationship, caused infidelity and the total breakdown of any effort to save the marriage. That, and the absolute lack of unconditional love.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Hi Mike, thanks so much for watching and sharing your story. I think you're right about the importance of unconditional love.

  • Aubrey Aaron
    Aubrey Aaron Месяц назад

    Sad things happen sometimes and people do change,I was always suspecting infidelity in my marriage but couldn't say anything because i was not sure and had no evidence , Thank God for WebGhost Professional Hacking God who helped me trace and pull out information of the lady he was having an affair with. Go contact him now {+1 213 349-2745} ghostofthedark@cyberservices. com Thank me later

  • Swankster
    Swankster Месяц назад

    If you are cheated on, LEAVE YOUR SPOUSE! I guarantee you will N E V E R be able to trust him/her again. And your relationship will N E V E R be the same again.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      Hi S, thanks for watching my talk. I believe it is possible to trust again - in any future relationship - but you raise an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

  • angeli Elohim
    angeli Elohim 2 месяца назад

    I quite enjoyed the talk. I am really struggling with this one, though he’s sorry and wants to make it better but I struggle to trust him. Do you do couple therapy ? This is the first time I have heard about you. Will check out your website. I was a doormat. I feel he’s taken advantage of me yet I still love him. So hard. I wish I can undo this but I can’t.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks so much for watching Angeli. I'm not taking on any new couples clients but do email the office (email on website) and they might be able to recommend someone... where in the world are you based?

  • Gresie LN
    Gresie LN 2 месяца назад

    Oh please, we all know that infedility is a habit, and IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN..
    i witnessed too much of it from people around me..

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Gesi, you've touched on a really important point about looking to yourself. Thanks so much for taking the time to share here.

  • Bernie Stephens
    Bernie Stephens 2 месяца назад +12

    Life is hard enough without harbouring a traitor in your life. Cheating (especially 2 year long affairs) are the ultimate mark of disrespect and contempt. Granted that you may have been a bad partner also but don't take any blame for infidelity!! That is the most childish and cowardly act. Why then would you reward this with the "courageous" act of rebuilding? Don't reward cowardice with courage, you are worth more than that. Remove them from your life as best you can and grieve the life you THOUGHT you had before. You'll come out stronger.

    • BreadAndGatorade
      BreadAndGatorade 18 дней назад +2

      Exactly, if you can tip toe around for years you are not in "love". I don't believe in soul mates but i do believe in decency...

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Bernie. I enjoyed hearing your perspective. Thanks for sharing here.

  • Vida Reborn
    Vida Reborn 2 месяца назад

    Men and women seek different things from a relationship. Men's most important characteristic is someone that is faithful. Infidelity is not an option.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Sorry VIDA! I didn't watch out for auto-correct 😂 Sorry!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Thanks Visa for watching, that's an important point you raise.

  • Vida Reborn
    Vida Reborn 2 месяца назад +3

    Infidelity is the last straw. The relationship was already broken before. Someone who doesn't have the courage to leave a broken relationship, or is too much of a coward to leave, will use an affair to escape the issues. I'm not saying you could not work things out after an affair, but it would require a life long of fixing. Do you want to waste your life fixing that was broken? Fix yourself, before trying to fix a relationship.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      I also like this point you raise. Thank you for engaging with my video.

  • Ashlie Powers
    Ashlie Powers 2 месяца назад

    Thank you

  • The Amazing Grace
    The Amazing Grace 2 месяца назад +2

    🌸💕❤️

    • The Amazing Grace
      The Amazing Grace 2 месяца назад +1

      Lucy Beresford thank you for giving us those kind words!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Thanks for watching :)

  • Andrew Dempsey
    Andrew Dempsey 2 месяца назад +12

    It’s courageous to stay ? ... hmmm well in my experience, getting back with her was stupidity. Not only did she cheat on me again but she married the guy too. Go figure. When someone cheats , leave and never go or look back.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Andrew and for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Your perspective is very valid.

  • Chris Laird
    Chris Laird 2 месяца назад +1

    I agree with everything she said except for the "sorry" part. You can not be sorry for something you have knowinginly and dileberately did. You cant be sorry for hurting someone knowing that if they found they would be hurt. You can not be sorry because if they wouldn't have found out, you wouldn't have been sorry. Saying sorry is not ownership, accepting the outcome and working to be better is ownership.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Chris and responding with your thoughts.

  • Daniela Noyola
    Daniela Noyola 2 месяца назад +51

    From someone who just came out of a relationship who was cheated on and betrayed, I just do not understand how trying to make it work makes you courageous. Although I did try to make it work for a year I felt my self esteem drop more than I ever felt courageous. I think this might only work in a very specific scenario. I think in most situations, a relationship could not work if infidelity occurs.

    • Apo1lo
      Apo1lo День назад

      yea, screw this lady

    • White Liner
      White Liner 16 дней назад +2

      Daniela Noyola True Story.... it will NEVER be the same again...

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson Месяц назад

      +Claus Tame thanks

    • Claus Tame
      Claus Tame Месяц назад

      +Fred Thomson omg

    • Fleur Savez
      Fleur Savez Месяц назад +6

      Totally agree. Infedelity changes someone who trusted people to insecure and doubtfull. Staying with someone who cheated on you will never build your selfesteem. Leaving them does.

  • K Sultana
    K Sultana 2 месяца назад +36

    everyone is so quick to judge or say what they would do in this situation till it happens to them....

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +3

      Thanks for watching K, I reckon you're spot on!

  • Jeff Van Rooy
    Jeff Van Rooy 2 месяца назад

    Can't stop staring at the woman in red

  • Dr Val
    Dr Val 2 месяца назад +1

    Don’t trust the snake

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching. That's a popular point of you!

  • Christine Lloyd
    Christine Lloyd 2 месяца назад +4

    Thank you for this video!! It opened my eyes to a better understanding of my situation and how to handle it. Thank you😊

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Thank very much for watching Christine. I'm sorry to hear you've had to go through this, but I'm glad my video might have helped. Take care, Lucy

  • T Sol
    T Sol 2 месяца назад +11

    You know, every time I hear this “be transparent with your passwords, your phone, email, blah blah” it makes me cringe. It only really offers a false sense of security and is just laughable. You could give your spouse your email password using it as a decoy and then have another secret email account that you keep from them. You could ask your spouse to leave their phone unlocked but they could have another phone they keep secret. It seems so naive to believe you will have access to everything. My husband leaves his phone out, unlocked, then walks away for long periods of time. I don’t trust that. What if he’s doing this to fake transparency? Leaving his phone out to make himself look upfront and transparent and then behind my back using a burner phone? I might seem paranoid but it’s a real possibility and the issue has been brought up in some circles. Sometimes when they get caught, they go further underground. I’m not ready to be that trusting. I purchased a tiny voice activated recorder to place in his car. I figure that if he has another phone and uses it in his car, the VAR will reveal that.

    • Heaven on the Horizon
      Heaven on the Horizon 2 дня назад

      You do seem paranoid and insecure. IDK your relationship so I will leave it at that. I do hope you have joy in your life..

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      +Jenée Godson Thanks for watching Jenee - and for sharing your thoughts.

    • Jenée Godson
      Jenée Godson Месяц назад +3

      I'm not saying you have no right to be mistrusting if he has strayed before- but if you feel the need to go this far, what would it take to trust him again? Is trusting him again even an objective? Essentially you cannot prove a negative (i.e. that he ISN'T cheating) and can always assume he's just better at hiding than you are at revealing.

    • nichellehowell
      nichellehowell Месяц назад +1

      T Sol can you priovide a link for that recorder?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thank you for watching. That's a really interesting angle. I think trust is very hard earned.

  • Patrick Goetz
    Patrick Goetz 2 месяца назад +1

    Good grief, grow up.

  • Dsmith551
    Dsmith551 2 месяца назад +23

    Nope. Marital problems can be a 50-50 proposition but an affair is 100%, unquestionably, on the cheater.

    • I AM NRG
      I AM NRG 10 дней назад +2

      +Nicole Avila Speak it Nicole !! you are correct...

    • Nicole Avila
      Nicole Avila 12 дней назад +4

      No hes not wrong. In fact totally right. More like 2,000% right. Being unfaithful to your spouse has nothing to do with having your needs met. Most people who agree with saying that the Betrayed spouse has something to do with their spouse's cheating most likely are the cheaters and want to point blame in the betrayed direction. Own up to your own mess. Once you allow the poisonous demon of infidelity in your marriage/relationships, its forever changed. We are forever changed. The innocence we once had will never be returned to our souls. There is huge difference and dealing with marital issues and then infidelity they are two different worlds. If you wanted to make your marriage better than you shouldn't have cheated. If you do not confront your spouse on issues and you hold everything in that is you and your own mess then you go out and cheat blow up your marriage and life, then want to BLAME your spouse. Also if a counselor tries saying you the betrayed spouse had some part in the unfaithful spouse's choice to cheat, they are just brainwashing you. Most counselors don't know how to deal with infidelity. Look for infidelity specialists. I will never accept any part of any type of responsibility for spouse's cheating. especially when you think that you are happy no one has the perfect marriage or relationship but when you find out your significant other is sneaking around hiding lying cheating and your world is completely blown up yeah how did I have a part in that??? Absolutely not!!!

  • Sarah Queen
    Sarah Queen 2 месяца назад +8

    Amazing speech. I chose to let my husband go. He could never and will never admit he cheated, nor will he apologize for what he has done to our family. He was unwilling to be transparent as well. Instead he blames me for leaving him. He is now alone and blames me for his misery. In some circumstances it's best just to let go. I couldn't live with the thought of "could it happen again?"

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +2

      When we marry we change our lives forever learning new rules to keep the relationship. No longer me but us. Identity changes.

    • Sarah Queen
      Sarah Queen 2 месяца назад +1

      Idk who you are Fred Thomas, but I'm sorry you felt that way.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +2

      I was condemmed from tje day we were married. She always watched my eyes to see if they were trained on her and not wandering at others.

  • Sandra Saverio
    Sandra Saverio 2 месяца назад

    That la To ne hypocrit

  • Elizabeth Grant
    Elizabeth Grant 2 месяца назад

    Did no one tell her her nipples were showing I can’t take her advice seriously if she can’t dress herself appropriately, I mean seriously

    • Stefanie Green
      Stefanie Green Месяц назад +2

      What you see are the seams of her dress.

  • Juan Moorechants
    Juan Moorechants 2 месяца назад +6

    Interesting talk. However, a cheater effectively has emotionally checked out of your relationship to have the affair without any regard to how it will affect you are your family. It could be repaired in certain circumstances but for the vast majority the betrayed needs to find their self respect and be rid of that relationship.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      +Juan Moorechants Hi Juan - thanks.

    • Juan Moorechants
      Juan Moorechants 2 месяца назад

      +Lucy Beresford Hi Lucy, the UK.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Also would be interested to know which country you're watching my TEDx Talk from Juan... different societies would appear to have different views on staying and going!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Juan, and for responding with your view. There are definitely some people who cheat with that mindset, so thanks for highlighting.

  • haldun kiziltas
    haldun kiziltas 3 месяца назад

    Physical monogamy is not at all natural for human beings, that's all. We created unrealistic moral standards and suffering is inevitable. Emotional monogamy is possible by giving up the physical exclusiveness and be true to your feelings. Free your minds of this unnatural concept as we're no gooses. Owe your partners heart not her/his body.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Also would be interested to know which country you're watching in Haldun? Different societies would appear to have different views on staying and going!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Haldun, and for sharing your idea. It's an interesting thought.

  • Hannah Samuels
    Hannah Samuels 3 месяца назад +4

    My dad had an affair with multiple women and ended up getting an std and eventually passing away from it.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад

      Because the father if my ex once cheated, i was condemmed as she believed all men are cheaters or will chear. How could I live down that curse?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +1

      Thanks Hannah for watching and sharing your story, I am sorry you had to experience that.

  • Michelle Dela Cruz Rejoso
    Michelle Dela Cruz Rejoso 3 месяца назад +1

    I am not there yet, but if I am,how do you stay if the other one wants to go. I will be courageous if and when the time comes but when you are devastated and you still want to stay, how do you do that when he wants to go?
    I feel for those who have gone through this.. I’m actually starting to feel speechless now.

    • Annie burns
      Annie burns 10 дней назад

      Why would anyone want to stay with someone who does not want you. Build up your self esteem and self worth. Pray more, get some counseling and move on with your life. Life is too short to be with someone who does not want to be with you. Love yourself more.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +1

      Do not eternalise blaming yourself. Otherwise you end up bitter and a brokenhumpty dumpty that no one can fix.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      +Michelle Dela Cruz Rejoso Ah, that's so interesting. I was in the Philippines 2 Christmases ago. Your engagement with my ideas is very welcome, thank you for watching and contributing.

    • Michelle Dela Cruz Rejoso
      Michelle Dela Cruz Rejoso 2 месяца назад

      Lucy Beresford My husband and I are Filipino, both Roman Catholic and currently residing in UAE

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад

      Also would be interested to know which country you'e watching from... different societies would appear to have different views on staying and going!

  • ACB 2K
    ACB 2K 3 месяца назад +50

    Before infidelity the relationship is already broken.

    • Marie Constance
      Marie Constance 9 дней назад

      ACB 2K some fail to accept that fact. The one who was victimized tends to deny it

    • Nicole Avila
      Nicole Avila 14 дней назад +2

      Infidelity was the beginning of the breakdown in the relationship. Cheating partner had many other options instead of cheating. Sounds like excuses to me but every relationship is different but there are no reasons for cheating only excuses.

    • beatrice canales
      beatrice canales 22 дня назад

      +Lucy Beresford we have been together 4 years and cheated for a 1 year aand with 8 guys within the year. I told him the truth and is set in leaving. I want him back, and i have apologized and took all responsibility. We talk a lil here and there, but i would like to know how do i keep in contact and work this out

  • renovatiomom
    renovatiomom 3 месяца назад +6

    What about going into a relationship with the knowledge he/she will cheat? It’s naive to believe otherwise? Wanting to feel safe and blindly trusting a flawed human seems contrary to logic. Trust that you or you’re partner might error and being a person that understands that we’re both human but love each other. Staying for the love that’s deeper than lust despite the pain that will come from betrayal. If both partners love themself and the other person it is absolutely a love worth keeping and striving for.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +1

      +Amber FFTFOMSICHTS You sound like my ex. Did not know I was a condemmed prisoner the day we married. Always watching my ryes to see if my attentions on her or if they wandeted at others. No matter if i was guilty or not.

    • Amber FFTFOMSICHTS
      Amber FFTFOMSICHTS 2 месяца назад

      I honestly feel like that’s what I do. I just assume they’re going to cheat eventually bc that’s just what some ppl do. And I know this sounds sick af but I wouldn’t even want to know or find out about it bc I know it’s just going to destroy me and I’m going to leave....sometimes it just seems like you can never win

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +1

      Thanks so much for watching and for sharing your interesting angle, one for me to think on.

  • Abdulla Noor
    Abdulla Noor 3 месяца назад +12

    Once a cheater, forever a cheater. Plain simple. If the partner was enough, the significant other would never seek someone else.walk away and let go.

    • Vanessa Williams
      Vanessa Williams Месяц назад +2

      +K Sultana, HERE, HERE! PEACE&LUV

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      +Metaphysical Mother Thanks for watching MM. Always great to get everyone's feedback.

    • Metaphysical Mother
      Metaphysical Mother Месяц назад +1

      Not true at all

    • K Sultana
      K Sultana 2 месяца назад +2

      the partner was enough, its the cheater who was inadequate

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +1

      Thanks for watching, and for sharing your perspective. Very helpful.

  • music lover
    music lover 3 месяца назад +8

    It depends...staying was not the answer for me. His infidelities were continual. After a time, I didn't really care. I enjoyed your talk though. Your advice wouldnt have worked for us.

    • music lover
      music lover Месяц назад

      Fred Thomson No, not at all. I never should have married him, period. After I did, I felt that I’d made my bed so I had to lie in it. Why did u marry if it was a prison sentence? Btw, I really get that, it’s a horrible feeling, I’m sorry for you.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад

      So fear of infidelity became worse than the deed?

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад

      As for music...became addicted to singing karaoke at local bar...rock. Mainly for fun.. Mr roboto or whip it.

  • Douglas
    Douglas 3 месяца назад +6

    , Bottom line....Our creator made a way to NEVER cheat, and not by our own strength, but Christ's within.
    I've never ever seen a situation where the woman cheated and God restored the marriage, ever. I've even offered $5000. cash to the first one who could find such a marriage.
    Matthew 19:9 & 5:32 LKV, confirms this.

    I have seen situations where the husband cheated, and afterwards gets truly Born Again, and never cheats again, because of Christ within him.
    But who nowadays, who believes Gods Word, which says adulterers and adulteresses are not saved?

    • Douglas
      Douglas 3 месяца назад +2

      I've been saved 40 years, and it took me a long time to realize that Christ was actually, literally, keeping me from falling into Such sins as adultery.
      Scripture says this is how we KNOW if someone IS saved. 1 John 3:9-10 KJV. Many many disagree

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      +Andrew Coleman Thanks for watching - and for sharing the quote.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      +Forward_Ever &_Ever That's an interesting story. Thanks for sharing.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Douglas

    • Andrew Coleman
      Andrew Coleman 3 месяца назад +1

      Forward_Ever &_Ever Good points, I agree that it is possible to recover and rebuild again if there is true remorse. We can say this because divorce is allowed if there is fornication/adultery, but it’s not commanded. All the little things in letting the other spouse see the transparency is vital. That builds trust.

  • Karen Katz
    Karen Katz 3 месяца назад +27

    My father had an affair almost 40 years ago. It almost destroyed my mom, and it took years of work to repair their marriage. They are still together. He is 90, she is 85. They have had many, many good years together. He takes very good care of her, as she is the more fragile one. I think when the two partners really do love each other, a marriage can be saved.

    • David Tuitt
      David Tuitt 10 дней назад

      I hope so.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 24 дня назад

      +Linda D Thanks for watching and replying Linda

    • Linda D
      Linda D Месяц назад +3

      I would say their relationship was a successful because the man was honorable at staying and working it out. Not all men are that some type of man. I would also consider the generation. It says a lot to what values are taught. Time has changed society's values.

    • Carolina Guzman
      Carolina Guzman 2 месяца назад

      Ay :') I'm happy for that

    • Juan Moorechants
      Juan Moorechants 2 месяца назад +3

      Good luck to them but this is the exception rather than the rule

  • Brooke Parsons
    Brooke Parsons 3 месяца назад +10

    My husband had an affair recently and shortly after was diagnosed with a horrible illness... I am in the forgiving progress but it’s so hard to even deal with it when his current illness takes presidency over any and everything else....

    • Alexander Reynolds
      Alexander Reynolds 23 дня назад +1

      I sympathise with you. You're caught up in dealing with his illness, there seem to be no space for you to deal with your own hurts. It's tough... best wishes.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +3

      Dont loose yourself taking care of him. You need freedom to be you also as you also have emotional needs. Otherwise it will be like a dripping faucet til rusts a hole im your soul.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +1

      +Alynn Trendowski you think sickness is just rewards from a vengeful spouse and god. My ex could never forgive and eternalised making her bitter.

    • Blair Culver
      Blair Culver 2 месяца назад +3

      You will prevail. I wish you the very best and during this time don’t forgot yourself !

  • Joey Ahmad
    Joey Ahmad 3 месяца назад +22

    That guy clapping loud at the end cheated on his wife, and wants her to forgive him

  • mnm34ever
    mnm34ever 3 месяца назад +34

    I was the cheater. We decided to work through things together and I have been learning about myself. I have always felt a deep void in me, of unworthiness and the need to be seen as desirable. I have brought so much pain to my husband who is a very good man. Now dealing with the aftermath i feel extremely guilty and cant enjoy the good times. I feel as though i am a fraud. I no longer have any contact with the other person. My husband and I really tried for 3 years after the affair and here we are still broken and destroyed. At this point I think the most loving thing would be to let him go.

  • jay kubesch
    jay kubesch 3 месяца назад

    How do you believe a person that doesn't take her own experiences to share her point of view..

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      Thanks for watching Jay. Your situation sounds hard, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

  • Local Guide
    Local Guide 3 месяца назад +8

    Quite a boring talk

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +2

      How can power of love be boring? Love is most powerful drug.

  • Mika Peltokorpi
    Mika Peltokorpi 3 месяца назад

    Well, if that was about the only requirement, then ... Nope.

  • Erik Syring
    Erik Syring 3 месяца назад

    Monoamory-centric, hence badly ineffective. And so much shaming - awful.

  • TALIYY
    TALIYY 3 месяца назад +2

    it was around the same date this video went up.. i only find out recently but i will continue what i have with her. i try to fix things but i have too many questions and idk what to do. i have courage. but right now im broken.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      +TALIYY Only reach out when you feel ready... it's a stressful situation to try to deal with on your own.

    • TALIYY
      TALIYY 3 месяца назад +1

      +Lucy Beresford i don't want to open up about how i feel to anyone but her, is that bad for me?
      Also, i have a question. If i have access to all messages she deleted to hide from me, should i recover them and read everything? with or without her knowing? and also deleted messages with other friends which wouldn't be deleted unless there was something to hide. i want to know everything even if it will hurt me more. i just want to believe there is nothing more going on then what she told me. What should i do?

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +1

      I am so sorry to hear you're feeling broken. Do reach out to friends and family to support you. I admire your courage.

  • Sue Jones
    Sue Jones 3 месяца назад +25

    Both people have to really want to save the marriage. Oftentimes, one abandons the betrayed partner for the new love interest.

    • Antonija Juric
      Antonija Juric Месяц назад

      +Fred Thomson people who don't want or love each other do not get married, they stay in open relationships and change partners all the time. Him and her.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад

      Just assumed my partner would always be there for me no matter the circumstances or attraction

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +1

      Dont eternalise seeking blame on yourself. It will only make you bitter. Like a piece of sand in your tooth. Eventually the hole grows so large that it rots.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +3

      You're so right Sue, both people in the couple need to want to work at it. Thanks for watching, and for your thoughtful comment.

  • K. S.
    K. S. 3 месяца назад +25

    You stay and then it happens again a few years later, then what do you do?

    • Antonija Juric
      Antonija Juric Месяц назад +1

      +Juan Moorechants i'd exit straight away, it the only thing to do. Break up.

    • Steve Whattam
      Steve Whattam Месяц назад

      But frankly, you can't learn hack overnight, you only get into more troubles. I have always been very skeptical about intruding on others privacy, loved ones or colleagues. But when my step brother died he left her daughter with me. Sweet sixteen now and she’s misbehaving, she is now very rude and wants to do all things that adults do as we all know that today's youth are exposed daily to untold dangers, which can be quite unnerving for parents and guidance who yearn for their safety and security when they are apart. I’m really trying to cub her so she won’t fall victim. A friend put me through to a computer guy who helped me, I just wanted to know what she’s up to, so the ethic hacker cloned and developed cellphone spy software for me. I see all that is going on in her phone from mine, I did not make her aware because that is not the point because the whole hacking process was done unnoticeable. I just want to protect her so that the world will not blame me. I owe dude a publicity, I learnt he performs various types of hack. The computer guy his Gmail hackerrobert001 helped put things together. Until you meet the right help, things might be difficult for you but once you key into the right direction, help will always come your way. What you know you know, we know curiosity can get the best of us at times and only by knowing the truth on some hot-button issues do we truly find peace and closure.

    • Juan Moorechants
      Juan Moorechants 2 месяца назад +5

      I suspect you'd be kicking yourself that you should have seen this coming!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +3

      Hi KS, thanks for watching. You evaluate at every turn... maybe you make a different decision the next time. Best wishes, Lucy

  • Dee dee
    Dee dee 3 месяца назад +38

    Stay? Well.. Don't let the same dog bite you twice. Just sayin'

    • Chasity Oglesby
      Chasity Oglesby 24 дня назад

      I think that 2nd chances aren’t to many anything after that. I think it’s time to let go

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +2

      I some situations, I think you're right. Thanks very much for watching Dee Dee

  • Brandie S
    Brandie S 3 месяца назад

    I truly enjoyed her speech.

  • Kevin Enfield
    Kevin Enfield 3 месяца назад

    Nice figure you got girl.
    I had an affair, she stayed with her husband but still try’s to hit me up wit text and email but I’m not having it.
    What dose it mean.

    • Forward_Ever &_Ever
      Forward_Ever &_Ever 3 месяца назад +2

      Well bro, for one she has no self-respect & as such is unable to hv respect for anyone. Her only reason for staying is1: financial loss in marriage is very costly. 2: if their are children involved.
      Note that she does not love her husband & most definately does not care about the vows taken b4 God. Of course you should know better than to believe she "loves" you.

  • MyworstEnemy
    MyworstEnemy 3 месяца назад +69

    Domestic violence, like infidelity, is a learned and/or inherited behavior that has a high likelihood of being repeated, regardless of actions taken to stop the behavior. Why would anyone romanticize either situation? When has making a critical life decision based on emotion ever worked out better than one made from a logical, rational assessment of the situation? The highly deceptive JayZ and Beyonce example(assuming it's true) is the exception to the rule, and should never be used as a reason to abandon the astronomical odds that it will work for you. I'm all for introspection and self assessment on both sides, but do yours while permanently separated from the source of your failed relationship, and apply what you've learned in the next one.

    Would you recommend trying to save a relationship where your friend or loved one was the victim of a 2 year affair by an unfaithful partner?
    Would you be the least bit surprised when that friend called you 2 months later crying, "He/She did it again"?

    Common sense and logic trump romanticized, emotional decisions that really emanate from insecurity and weakness.
    It takes tremendous strength of will and character to end a bad relationship, and regardless of fault, the decision to carry on an extramarital affair is the action of a bad partner. It requires extreme narcissism, bad character and a severely flawed perspective of what romantic love and commitment are.

    This presentation reinforces bad ideas that rarely, if ever, work in the real world.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      I agree, great points raised by people watching here. Am really interested to hear your views.

    • MyworstEnemy
      MyworstEnemy 3 месяца назад +7

      +Pacific Wonderland Well said, and great example. Infidelity is a complex issue when looking at the myriad of reasons and situations that lead people to cheat. Low self esteem/insecurities are certainly motivating factors, but crossing the line and acting upon these insecurities is a learned behavior. Also, I'm talking about affairs that go on for months or years. I agree that one night stands are a different animal all together.
      They can either be a huge life lesson accompanied by great personal growth, or they can lead to more cheating, and ultimately affairs.

      If you had cheated that night at the bar, would you have told your wife? What would your justification be for telling her, or not telling her?
      Great Reply btw! You raise some good points.

    • Pacific Wonderland
      Pacific Wonderland 3 месяца назад +11

      "infidelity, is a learned and/or inherited behavior" I completely disagree, as infidelity has multiple complexities, sometimes it may fall into this category of learned and inherited but its not a corner stone reason.While in the Navy I saw every type of affair possible, each one of them from different backgrounds but the most common theme was insecurities and poor self-esteem. I almost fell victim to one on a long deployment at a bar, I love and missed my wife somehow got caught up, but by a stroke of luck avoided this. Never again have I been in this position and still feel SO so lucky, I really believe because of things missing in the marriage people can get caught up in mix of hormones, needs, and confusion...

  • Łukasz Aberdonski
    Łukasz Aberdonski 3 месяца назад +2

    A great talk. I found myself in a situation like that, when I was the cheated on person. We decided to fix it. But we lacked tools. It just happened again, a lot worse now.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад

      Hi Lukasz, sorry to hear about your experiences. I hope you have good support around you. Best wishes, Lucy

  • Emma ‘Nuel
    Emma ‘Nuel 3 месяца назад

    Is it so not funny that my wife cheated on me with ex and his name is Will.

  • Maxx-Lenoxx
    Maxx-Lenoxx 4 месяца назад +67

    I'm currently in that exact situation. 12 year relationship, married and 1 child. My wife cheated on me. I wanted to fix things. We looked at reasons that led to the infidelity. I then asked her to stop the relationship with the other person so we can focus on our couple. Unfortunately, she doesn't want to. I did the right thing, I was courageous! It's really sad.

    • David Tuitt
      David Tuitt 10 дней назад

      +R Nel I feel for you darling. Keep your head up.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      +HCC Thanks for watching HCC

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      +Magen Spencer Dear Magen, thanks so much for watching the talk and contributing... I am sorry you had to go through that pain.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford Месяц назад

      +Sir Raymond LuxuryYacht Thanks for watching my talk and for contributing to this thread... You raise some really interesting points about self-respect. Thank you.

  • Hey.Tiki
    Hey.Tiki 4 месяца назад +92

    Very true. It is just hard to deal with the thought "Will it happen again?"

    • Cha20
      Cha20 День назад

      +Marianne Fulcher If anything like this happened to you, it happenef to me but i stuck there & worked it out, very hard to do but it is worth the try. X

    • Cha20
      Cha20 День назад

      God Lucy looks georgeous, ❤

    • Marianne Fulcher
      Marianne Fulcher 24 дня назад

      +Lucy Beresford
      I need your help.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 2 месяца назад +1

      Thanks Dean for contributing. You raise an interesting angle.

  • Anna Harmsen
    Anna Harmsen 4 месяца назад +7

    What a great talk Lucy, no doubt it has made a powerful impact on the way many people view this sensitive subject and in the way many people handle it in their lives too! It gives people the freedom to stay, when the general view seems to be to go. Bravo! Would love to see more of you on TED. Winning presentation :)

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад

      Dearest Anna, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and impressions about my talk. And for your kind words. It's amazing to have your support.

  • Master Oh
    Master Oh 4 месяца назад +8

    Wonderful talk on Ted by Lucy Bereford. It's beautiful to hear this approach to infidelity which focuses on self-reflection, forgiveness and also inner strength and determination. Lucy's approach means we have to practice a bigger heart, an excercise which not only has a positive effect on the individual but also on those around us.

    • Kwok Shong Chiang
      Kwok Shong Chiang 2 месяца назад +1

      That is true love

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад +1

      Dear Master Oh, thank you so much for sharing your response to my talk and for finding so much in it. I shall aim each day to have a bigger heart.

  • Pam Gd
    Pam Gd 4 месяца назад +11

    Wow. Out of all the videos and talks I have watched, this has been the best one. I am currently going through this and can relate to everything you have said. It gave me hope and has been so uplifting. Thank you.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад +1

      Warning. Dont blame yourself by eternalising what you could have done. It will only rust your heart making yourself bitter.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 3 месяца назад +1

      +Pam Gd Good for you Pam. Make sure you have support around you, as it's tough trying to make this journey on your own.

    • Pam Gd
      Pam Gd 3 месяца назад

      Thank you for replying Lucy. It means a lot. I have watched your video 5 times now to reiterate what it says. It's getting better but still very hard.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад +2

      Dear Pam, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a painful time. I'm very touched you believe my talk has given you hope. Hang on in there, your time for joy will come.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад +1

      Thanks so much Pam, I'm really pleased you found my talk helpful.

  • Carol Williams
    Carol Williams 4 месяца назад +1

    Lucy it was a wonderful talk! I especially love how it ends with whether you decide to stay and repair or ultimately leave, it can be a win win. Thank you for this.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад

      Thanks so much Carol. You totally get what I was trying to get across. Thanks for your support from across the seas!

  • Catherine Durin
    Catherine Durin 4 месяца назад +1

    A very helpful insight into what difficult choices are open to a couple in crisis and how to inform these life-defining decisions! A great talk, which I had the privilege to watch and hear live in the audience!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 4 месяца назад

      Thanks Catherine, your support before and on the day made all the difference x

  • Mark Manley
    Mark Manley 5 месяцев назад +3

    I love Lucy. Now there is an idea for a tv programme...

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      That's so kind of you. I would love to broaden out the talk to a full programme - that way we could help more people going through the pain of infidelity.

  • Laurel Remington
    Laurel Remington 5 месяцев назад

    Well done Lucy. A thought-provoking and well-presented talk!

  • חן כץ
    חן כץ 5 месяцев назад +1

    I'm was a huge fan of Lucy's lbc radio show and I'm very sorry it's came to an end. This show was a great gift and maintenance for many listeners.

  • Richard Lamplough
    Richard Lamplough 5 месяцев назад +1

    Much room for thought here, well done Lucy. And yes, sometimes the "F word" can be Forgiveness.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      Thank you very much indeed Richard x

  • Sophie Hopkins
    Sophie Hopkins 5 месяцев назад +8

    A very well presented talk about a sensitive topic, the bottom line is we all need to feel safe, loved and heard, well done Lucy.

    • Fred Thomson
      Fred Thomson 2 месяца назад

      Getting married changes your identity. No longer free to do as you please. Change your life to adjust to another so much that you loose freedoms that ypu enjoyed when single.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      Thank you so much Sophie, really appreciate you taking the time to comment

  • Peter Maeck
    Peter Maeck 5 месяцев назад +1

    In Lucy Beresford's engaging, provocative, and never predictable presentation, betrayal's fallout is the quandary of "To stay or to go," with human stakes approaching "To be or not to be." Indeed, that is the question, and Lucy answers it both decisively and sensitively.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      Thanks so much for your kind words Peter

  • Ian Gray
    Ian Gray 5 месяцев назад +1

    A super talk on what is not the easiest or palatable subject. Clearly this is all about making the ‘right’ decision, which is not always the ‘easy ‘ decision. Well done, Lucy!

  • Fergus King
    Fergus King 5 месяцев назад +2

    Complex/controversial subject. Brilliantly presented by Lucy!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      Thank you very much Fergus - I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.

  • Sam Barnes
    Sam Barnes 5 месяцев назад +1

    I'm a huge fan of Lucy's books and lbc radio show so it's no surprise this a really well structured and delivered piece. A very thought provoking piece which challenges what would perhaps be our natural response in favour of what could be be a far more rewarding and lasting (although far from easy) outcome.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 5 месяцев назад

      Thank you Sam, I really appreciate your comments

  • IncomingThought
    IncomingThought 5 месяцев назад +1

    Well done Lucy. It was great to share the stage with you and learn from your expertise.

  • Guy Beresford
    Guy Beresford 5 месяцев назад +3

    Interesting advice of relevance to many aspects of love and relationships - well worth watching

  • Crumphorn
    Crumphorn 6 месяцев назад +1

    Funny, sharp and very on-point. I hope there's a lot more like this coming down the line!

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 6 месяцев назад

      Thank you v much indeed. Am writing a book now, so hopefully I can help more people x

  • Debbie Hewitt
    Debbie Hewitt 6 месяцев назад +1

    Lucy is an inspiring and thought-provoking speaker- she always makes me think differently about things I have typically had fixed views on. Keep making us think Lucy- it's a real gift.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 6 месяцев назад

      Thank you so much Debbie. I'm really hoping to help people affected by such situations x

  • Cathy Sinnott
    Cathy Sinnott 6 месяцев назад

    Really interesting to listen to you Lucy and I certainly will take your views on board.... I, in the past, would have walked away too.... if I am ever challenged with this scenario in my future... will stop and think and look at SOS.. you are a great presenter and you should be so proud of what you are achieving

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 6 месяцев назад

      Thanks Cathy, as always it's so interesting to hear your perspective. And thanks for your kind words. I'm really grateful to have had this opportunity.

  • Rebekah Lamplough
    Rebekah Lamplough 6 месяцев назад +4

    Really helpful talk to see things from a different perspective and decide how to make choices during a difficult time.

    • Lucy Beresford
      Lucy Beresford 6 месяцев назад

      Thanks so much Rebekah, great to see what you've taken away from my talk x