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Why I stayed, Why I left | Mada Tsagia-Papadakou | TEDxUniversityofPiraeus

  • Published on Jul 23, 2018
  • Through her talk Mada Tsagia-Papadakou shared how she got in an abusive relationship, why she stayed, how she left and how this dark side of her life, gave her the lights to pursue her work against violence and for defending women’s rights. Mada Tsagia-Papadakou is the Founder and CEO of W.I.N. HELLAS, a public benefit organization aiming to prevent and minimize violence against women. Her personal experiences inspired her to found W.I.N Hellas. While recognizing the importance of information, she explains how we let ourselves become victims of violence and stay in an abusive environment and what “tools” and “skills” one needs to get out of such a situation. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Comments • 638

  • Marlborough Sounds
    Marlborough Sounds 2 years ago +138

    I think the worst case scenario is when the perpetrators family encourage and support his behavior and even though they see it, they pretend they don't.

    • shilpa mankar
      shilpa mankar 8 days ago +1

      I think it's even worse when victim's family knows everything and still sends her back to the abuser

    • Bbby Bby
      Bbby Bby 2 months ago

      My family.

    • Hannah Wynne
      Hannah Wynne 3 months ago +1

      I think it's worse when the victims family does that.

    • lohnson
      lohnson 4 months ago +2

      Absolutely! This happened to me! I was one against six people. I got out but it wasn't with ease.

    • Isabella Elies
      Isabella Elies 4 months ago

      Me too

  • Katrina Bergman McColloch
    Katrina Bergman McColloch 2 years ago +342

    I left my abusive husband after watching the true story of Tina Turner. I took my two small children and left everything we owned behind. I left the state and stayed with my little sister until I could get on my own feet. Life was so hard being a single mother but I finally met a nice man who helped me finish raising my children. Get out because love does exist and there are men that will never hit you or verbally abuse you. God bless all courageous woman that are now living in a terrifying situation and those brave souls that have left.

    • sujana jacob
      sujana jacob 2 months ago

      Especially in developing nations, women are scared to face the repurcussions of leaving a marriage relationship due to emotional abuses....

    • Chris Harris
      Chris Harris 3 months ago

      Did he hit you because I want to leave mine but mine didn’t hit me this time but has in the past
      Just trying to build a case to Leave

    • Cara Eyer
      Cara Eyer 3 months ago +1

      Her movie inspired me to leave as well! Congrats on moving on 🙂

    • C
      C 4 months ago

      I hope that life is now glorious for you!

    • Nishtha Gupta
      Nishtha Gupta 10 months ago +1

      @Sonia Chetty Yes you have leave when you can see the pattern. There is no love, only a word called "love" to manipulate us.

  • Cynthia Langley
    Cynthia Langley 2 years ago +161

    Abusers beware. Time's up thanks to survivors like this who have broken the silence and have stepped forward to educate others. Thank you!

  • Bella Nova
    Bella Nova 3 years ago +377

    Her story is EXACTLY like mine. Almost identical. I never thought I would be abused...I never thought my boyfriend would try to strangle me to death...but I was wrong.

    • Texanna Deb
      Texanna Deb 3 months ago

      @MOTORCYCLES ANDGUNS It is akin to Stockholm Syndrome and it plays with your brain chemicals much like a drug addiction. In no time you believe you are worthless and can’t make it without them. It’s very insidious and not easy to recover from.

    • quazirumana
      quazirumana 5 months ago

      @MOTORCYCLES ANDGUNS because he is a abuser 😳

      MOTORCYCLES ANDGUNS 10 months ago

      @Bella Nova True, If u live here in America owning a Firearm would be a smart move obviously for legal purposes.

    • Bella Nova
      Bella Nova 10 months ago +1

      @MOTORCYCLES ANDGUNS We do report them. Of course I've called the police. That said, when you put someone away, you always have to think about what will happen when they are released. Will they harm you or your family? Will they ruin your life in any way? Are you safe? I liken abusive relationships to addiction, it's just that your drug of choice is a person. Human psychology is surprisingly simple and variable schedules of reinforcement work on virtually everyone. It's no coincidence that so many people (not just women) feel stuck in abusive relationships. Many of us are just trying to find a safe way out.

    • Nishtha Gupta
      Nishtha Gupta 10 months ago

      If you "really" want to understand don't think you know the answer, talk to a few women who have been such situations.

  • Michael Jahnke
    Michael Jahnke 3 years ago +167

    36 years of marriage abuse. I identify with what you say here. I'm out now. I'm still a little guilty about leaving. But I'm happy now. It was insane. Thanks for the speech.

    • Budgie Basi-Reed
      Budgie Basi-Reed 10 months ago

      I’m almost 35 years in....

    • Stella Papadopoulou
      Stella Papadopoulou 2 years ago +1

      @Bilo Y hey! Even if you put in parentheses the kind of abuse... You have to know that this is the worst kind and it's only a few steps from starting physical and other kind! Stop thinking if he change and take an eye to yourself and how YOU be able to accept, forgive & and love you again. Find out what's going on with you and make a big wall to this bad behaviors! Give me a favor to speak with a psychotherapist! You will remember my words. Don't loose your time my dear. People change when they wanted to..This is extremely personal to anyone when it really needs . Keep safety and help you...

    • J G
      J G 2 years ago +1

      @Bilo Y It never changes, it gets worse no matter what they tell you. You are not on this earth to take abuse from anyone. Do everything in your power to leave this toxic environment.

    • Charlotte Bruce
      Charlotte Bruce 3 years ago +2

      @Bilo Y what are you doing putting up with any abuse? he won't change, not now not ever they NEVER change, not unless they are willing to admit they are wrong. You stay because of religion? Would God want this for you? keep praying if you must, God can change lives I agree but don't waste 36 years on this man. It's not ok to abuse. Talk to your family and friends and maybe they will help you decide what to do, remember you deserve respect as a human being on this planet.

    • Bingo wings
      Bingo wings 3 years ago +1

      Michael Jahnke. Some people think they know everything. I'm going to Parrot women here.." Where have all the Good Men gone?" Um...they got married to Good Women long time ago. The rest of us struggle with our inadequacies and abusive or unloving people.

  • Mary M
    Mary M 3 years ago +259

    God bless all women who get out of abusive relationships, I thank God he kept me alive and let me escape my abuser many years ago. Thank you for your story.

    • eclipsewelding777
      eclipsewelding777 2 years ago

      All the women only.... geeze, sigh.........

    • Miss Jenny K
      Miss Jenny K 2 years ago

      @Mary M Thank you Mary! I really appreciate everything you have shared!

    • Mary M
      Mary M 2 years ago

      @Miss Jenny K You make compelling points, and I'm not the one to advise you. If you have a pastor, perhaps counsel with him, I had to in my past situation. I am thinking of Abigail in the o.t., she was married to a tyrant and God delivered her. I've heard of other women in abusive relationships who prayed very specific prayers, and God did miracles for them. I was married to a very abusive man, and prayed earnestly for him, one day he just broke and gave his life to God. But, he had a drug habit which God delivered him from, and he eventually went back to that, and I divorced him later, but he had also been unfaithful to me. Every story is different. No two are alike. I know the heartache of abuse, especially with children in the home. My son witnessed the abuse, but today, all glory to God, he's married with 2 children and they are all living for God. He had some of my ex's traits, but God has done a work in him, he had some of my traits too. God can absolutely humble any person, I do believe God works in the favor of those who serve him. I hope and pray the very, very best for you. You are loved, and God absolutely sees your heart's desire.🧡 Be safe and well, in Jesus name.

    • Miss Jenny K
      Miss Jenny K 2 years ago

      @Mary M Thank you. I do believe in the power of Gods spirit. However I also know tonnes of woman in abusive situations who are God fearing and God believing woman! And yet they end up trapped with no improvement for years upon years! That doesn’t make me doubt my faith, but I think a person has to take a step towards God and produce repentance for Him to start working in their lives. I didn’t want my son to grow up in a broken home so I thought it was selfless and loving of me to stay and endure insane unhappiness, abuse, pain, loneliness and embarrassment forever so that our family would stay together for the sake of my son... however after the last psycho incident that happened that led me to attempt to leave... and then my husband went completely nuts and threatened to take me hostage... meanwhile my son witnessed all of this... I realized this is not healthy for my son to witness! Maybe a broken family is better?!

    • Mary M
      Mary M 2 years ago +1

      @Miss Jenny K I hope and pray your situation works out in a good way. 🙏 May I encourage you to pray and seek the Lord and let the Lord know the burden of your heart, he is a compassionate God who knows how to restore and repair broken lives and hearts. 💕 I have seen people and families healed thru the power of God's Spirit. With God *all* things are possible.

  • Storm Bunnie
    Storm Bunnie 6 months ago +19

    I can't believe I stayed so long. For five years. I have been free for about ten years, I have two children with my soulmate I found seven years ago. Run. If you are a victim of domestic violence, run when you can with what you can and never ever look back. You are worth it, you deserve love. Happiness. Safety.

  • Leah Smith
    Leah Smith 2 years ago +194

    She stays because “She has her power back” oh my goodness that was truth to me right now

    • Hannah Wynne
      Hannah Wynne 3 months ago +1

      It's the best explanation I've ever heard! I remember the desperation to leave evaporating instantly. I'd be so tired and relieved everything was "normal" again... Packing, leaving, starting over, living without him seemed like such an exhausting task

    • Shamar
      Shamar 11 months ago +1

      That was the wisest thing she said.

    • Egg Bun
      Egg Bun Year ago +3

      That part made no sense to me. I stayed because I had no financial means to leave.

    • Harriat King
      Harriat King 2 years ago +4

      Same!! I know this feeling so well

    • Suzana Has
      Suzana Has 2 years ago +8

      You are in a relationship with a narcissist..it is just an illusion that you get your power back.. you will keep cycling in abuse.. check out what narcissistic personality disorder is..

  • Ana Lozada
    Ana Lozada 2 years ago +77

    It took me almost 10 years to leave my first, and almost 8 years to leave my second.
    Finally broke the cycle in 2011 when I met an angel...my current partner of almost 9 years now. He helped me heal, and showed me how real men treat and love women.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us...it takes a huge amount of courage to tell our stories. 🙏♥️✨

    • Dani Daniela
      Dani Daniela 4 months ago

      @cyborg1320 oh, hello there abuser! Get out of here (and I mean this world).

    • cyborg1320
      cyborg1320 Year ago

      you've cheatest on your 3rd though, havent you?

    • Shirley wong
      Shirley wong Year ago +1

      I'm there now

    • Debra Leonard
      Debra Leonard Year ago +4

      Wow that sounds just like my story. I’m with a real man now . My poor kids though. They r adults now but they r still healing. That hurts me the most

    • Nancy F
      Nancy F 2 years ago +2

      I'm so happy for you 🙌🏻

  • Catalina Revival
    Catalina Revival 3 years ago +132

    Cognitive dissonance, gaslighting, guilt kept me in an abusive relationship for 11 years. Out over a year now. Working on me.

    • Zayn Ahmatullah
      Zayn Ahmatullah Year ago

      I know what you mean

    • T. O'hara
      T. O'hara 2 years ago +1

      Gaslighting...so few people know what that is. People mostly think DV is physical. Although I was never “gaslit”, I suffered huge economic abuse and nobody even knows it exists.

  • Sarah Zouinina
    Sarah Zouinina 2 years ago +88

    I feel your pain, I feel so blessed because I left a physically and emotionally abusive relationship I’ve tried my best to fix it but it was never enough I made infinity of sacrifices but it wasn’t appreciated
    I am so happy I got divorced yesterday and I left the Romeo forever

    • Momof3 Kings
      Momof3 Kings 2 years ago


    • Emi
      Emi 2 years ago

      Yeah sounds familiar...

    • Kay Paton
      Kay Paton 2 years ago

      The bit about him ignoring her and her just wanting his attention is so true...

  • rick
    rick 2 years ago +16

    Kudos to those men and women who decide to break the circle of abuse, and decide to leave. Its not easy, i saw it with one brother and one sister. And it is painful for them and us their family.

  • Zavrou
    Zavrou 2 years ago +37

    10 years of my life went down the drain. My teenage years, my youth. Despite the loose ends, it’s been almost a year since i broken up with him. Her story is way too similar to mine, minus the physical. Honestly though, we are all becoming too numb and the emotional abuse, the physical, all equally hurts. If what i said resonated with you, i hope you find hope and courage to leave. Please leave, please hope again. If you think you reach the point of no hope and you just cant wait to sleep forever, then you have nothing to lose anymore. Leave. Walk away and leave.

  • Sunflower Sunflower
    Sunflower Sunflower 2 years ago +18

    Yes, never open the door to an Abuser. Once an abuser always an abuser. They never change, only develop more strategies to deceive you until they achieve what they willfully set out to do which is to Erase Your Entire Life.

  • Lorraine
    Lorraine 3 years ago +227

    Cognitive Dissonance and idealism are what kept me there. Boundaries helped me make the decision to leave.

  • Sonia Chetty
    Sonia Chetty 2 years ago +28

    Finding this video , must be God answering my prayers . A very big thank you for this video , everything she spoke about describes my life right now. After reading through the comments section I feel like there is hope.

  • Bilo Y
    Bilo Y 3 years ago +70

    I was searching for how to stay married to an abusive husband; in hopes to find ways to fix him. Mine is emotional abuse rather than physical, but I can relate to everything she was saying. Is there hope, or is the only solution to get out.

    • Aisling Byrne
      Aisling Byrne 3 months ago

      After a 14 year relationship, working up to emotional and mental abuse. Eventually, four month's ago it turned extremely violent. He almost murdered me in an hour and a half of a brutal assault, including strangulation 3 times, spitting on, a sword being swung down inches to my throat as he had me grappled to the bed etc etc.
      I ran. I left. He said in a text " I'm sooo sorry, it would never happen again I did it cos I love you & you were flirting & don't want to loose you, if you didn't flirt ,I wouldn't of been driven to do what I did ".
      Jesus. What a cliche. I'm a survivor, nor a victim. Never looking back.

    • Shirley Kurtz
      Shirley Kurtz Year ago

      Run, get out!

    • Everything Roxy
      Everything Roxy 2 years ago +4

      Get out
      I was trying to help him and that’s how I stayed stuck
      The sad thing is
      They don’t want to change
      “There’s nothing wrong with them... it’s You!!”
      Don’t waste anymore time... Please!!!

    • Olivia Kyei
      Olivia Kyei 2 years ago +1

      @Leah Smith yes it won't so get help from Melanie Tonia Evans

    • Olivia Kyei
      Olivia Kyei 2 years ago +3

      Yes get out

  • ChicBaja1990
    ChicBaja1990 3 years ago +239

    Those who gave thumbs down to this important information must be mad that she spoke about them.

    • Lorena Lorena
      Lorena Lorena 2 years ago +2

      ChicBaja1990 or brainwashed victims who think she was wrong for leaving.

    • Brianna Brickey
      Brianna Brickey 2 years ago +10

      J G ikr! I saw comments like that and was like, "did you not watch the video? She literally explained why!"

    • J G
      J G 2 years ago +15

      And abusers in the comment section are asking 'why did you stay?' When she explained why...fear, isolation, & brainwashing to name a few. The point of the question(s) is to blame the victim.

  • Shivangi Singh
    Shivangi Singh 2 years ago +14

    Because he never hit me I thought it wasn't "abuse". But it was. I've left him but I feel he took everything from me. I find no reason to wake up in the mornings, no "hope" like she said. I'm on anti depressants and I get panic attacks on the daily. I still find myself thinking, "it's okay, you can fix it. He wasn't that bad. He loved you." I don't know how to escape my own head.

    • empathrain
      empathrain 21 day ago +1

      I so underdstand how you feel

    • Valley Chatter
      Valley Chatter Year ago +2

      Shivangi, Please watch Dr. Ramani's channel. You seemed to be in a narcissistic relationship and going through some trauma. There are many other great channels on this topic and all you need to do is start somewhere. Eventually you will find strength to rebuild yourself. Good luck with your journey.

    • MzQue
      MzQue Year ago +4

      I had this same problem after leaving my abusive relationship. You have to tell yourself the TRUTH. That’s not love, you can’t fix him and it WAS that bad. I wrote down every abusive act that he did to me and if I have a thought of missing him I go back and read it. It helps.

  • Oriana Gutierrez
    Oriana Gutierrez 3 months ago +3

    It’s insane how we all have the same skeleton of our abuse. The details are different but that cycle … I love all of you for surviving. Let’s keep talking about it

  • JoAnna D
    JoAnna D 3 years ago +33

    Wow. Great job explaining the ways that emotional abuse manifests in the every day life of a couple living a dysfunctional relationship! Very real, very accurate.

  • jjchick95
    jjchick95 3 years ago +132

    i cant stop crying watching this. this is my relationship with my ex EXACTLY. he almost ruined my life. i was suicidal, and extremely depressed

    • Suzana Has
      Suzana Has 2 years ago +5

      You should be in therapy..you suffered of narcissistic abuse, the danger is that you could be attracted to the same type of men, unless you understand that you have a problem, being codependent. Please educate yourself and strengthen your mental and physical being...

    • W.I.N. Hellas Διεθνής Υποστήριξη Γυναικών
      W.I.N. Hellas Διεθνής Υποστήριξη Γυναικών 2 years ago +6

      jjchick95 I hope you found a way to recover. The scars abusive relationships leave are deep and painful.

  • Sneha Mallya
    Sneha Mallya 2 years ago +10

    This needs to be shared.This is so prevalent and commonplace and all you have is a nagging feeling that something is wrong. She is brave to share her story.

  • Listen1111
    Listen1111 3 years ago +19

    I have been looking for a video about this for quite some time! Thank You so much! This is a conversation that everyone needs to be part of because this kind of abuse cycle is effecting more and more peoples lives, and we can cure it! I wish there was more information about how to get help. What most women, and children, need is a place to go to be safe long term

    • J Mas
      J Mas 3 years ago +5

      A cure is a long way off. Every woman with children who stays in an abusive relationship is raising the next generation of abusers and victims of abuse.
      Every doting mother who spoils her sons is raising monsters with an exaggerated sense of entitlement.
      Look at your partner's parents. The pattern of their relationship is how your partner expects a relationship to work.

  • Laura Monica Valea
    Laura Monica Valea 3 years ago +266

    Everybody should study and spend time understanding “ narcissistic personality Disorder “

    • Loner96
      Loner96 Year ago +1

      Yeah. There are 3 reasons why the victim stays to me. And those are 1. Doesn't have the financial means to leave. He's the breadwinner 2. Blinded by love, and loving him more than yourself 3. The narcissist is simply a good gaslighter/manipulator

    • Caroline vd Vlies
      Caroline vd Vlies Year ago +1

      Soooo true! On all levels of society it’s a pervasive problem that still a lot of people don’t recognize or label it as just ‘difficult people’ , it’s way beyond just difficult, it can be dangerous

    • rocker99908
      rocker99908 2 years ago +2

      @Miss Jenny K the whole thing is really sad. Abuse begets abuse. There's not a narcissist out there that isn't a victim themselves.

    • S t e p h a n i e
      S t e p h a n i e 2 years ago

      Yes absolutely!

    • Miss Jenny K
      Miss Jenny K 2 years ago +10

      The thing about NPD, is most of them come from trauma as a child. They display themself as if they only love themself, when really they hate themselves. I think the root of it is shame.

  • Ashley Singh
    Ashley Singh 3 years ago +40

    Thank you so much for sharing. I was released from the ER this morning after having a heavy kitchen counter stool bashed at my desk and kicked on the floor. I’m working hard on making him realize he’s a joke and I will get past this darkness without him in my life.

    • My New Walk With Jesus
      My New Walk With Jesus Year ago

      You got this girl. Watching these stories is just the beginning. I am 2 months out still being stalked even with restraining order. I just ordered some pepper spray for the next encounter he already made us drive off the highway at 80mph before I dont underestimate what he would do now that he knows I'm divorcing him.

    • Everything Roxy
      Everything Roxy 2 years ago +1

      Ma’am MAGAlot you can do it
      Just don’t look back
      You must love yourself more than you love him
      It’s mental and psychological abuse
      There is No real love
      It’s control

    • Trey-Frey 39
      Trey-Frey 39 2 years ago +1

      @Ma’am MAGAlot you can get out. I promise you have it in you! Think of how different your life will be soon.

    • Leah Smith
      Leah Smith 2 years ago +2

      Ma’am MAGAlot you can do it! I’ve been out for three months. Sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. Please call your local women’s shelter. You do not have to stay there, but they will provide info and all kinds of free resources like counseling

    • Ma’am MAGAlot
      Ma’am MAGAlot 2 years ago

      Update?? Please give me some hope that it’s possible to leave. I’m stuck and can’t breathe.

  • birachel
    birachel 2 years ago +12

    I feel like this woman just read my story word for word. I would never have called my relationship abusive. But it’s almost identical

  • Reneka Washington
    Reneka Washington 2 years ago +385

    I stayed because I loved him more than myself...

    • FoodHarbor Coalition
      FoodHarbor Coalition 5 months ago

      did i stay because i loved her more than i loved him

    • Virve Paulina
      Virve Paulina 10 months ago

      This! F***!

    • Barbara Fordham
      Barbara Fordham 10 months ago

      I stayed because I needed him to love me just one more time. One last swirl of warmth and comfort. Something I could take with me to shield me from the pain that comes when hope is dying. He kept me waiting for it, he controlled me with it.

    • Tiffany Thomas
      Tiffany Thomas 11 months ago

      @Reneka Thank you for posting this. Those words are so impactful. You’ve given me a bit of strength not to go back. It’s not easy.

    • Ladenna Young
      Ladenna Young Year ago

      @Vickygarcia73 That is basically what they said.

  • Ladenna Young
    Ladenna Young Year ago +5

    If you come across this video. Please don't think it is by mistake or coincidence. God bless you to see this for a reason. If you are in this situation. Know that all is well, and God have better for you, and you don't have to stay in this mess in Jesus name.

  • Emp p
    Emp p 2 years ago +63

    You are so lucky that you never had a child with him. I was married to a man for over 10 years who put me through an almost identical situation. I finally broke free from him and those wounds are beginning to heal. Some already have. But it's hard to reconcile having had a child with such a monster. Not only that, he still tries to use my daughter as a pawn to manipulate me, even though he hasn't lived with me in about a year. I used to be so strong and he weakened me to almost nothing. He put me on a pedestal and I was his "prize" to show off; but it was more or less a pedestal in a Cage.
    Thank you for this video and I'm glad you are healthy, strong, and safe now. Blessings to you and your children. Namaste🙏🙏🙌❤💚💯

  • Clogs
    Clogs 3 years ago +12

    This is how it is: a description of the progress of abuse and how the victim is victimised over and over again. There’s even a Flying Monkey (Romeo’s sister). And consider the danger of leaving such a relationship (even though Romeo did the actual discard).
    Thank you for this talk.

  • Matt NA
    Matt NA 3 years ago +48

    Thanks for sharing! I needed to hear this. It brought up some painful memories. Women can abuse and manipulate men as well.

    • Joe Black
      Joe Black Year ago

      @Adele Jones its not about power and control than people don't know what love is , a punch in the face is NOT love. but they all say I love him ,wake up .

    • Terra Humphrey
      Terra Humphrey 3 years ago +1

      Your right women do abuse their partners. People think that because most women are not stronger than men, that they always have to be the victim. This isn't true. No one deserves this, male or female.

    • April Justice
      April Justice 3 years ago +5

      So sorry Matt. Find your freedom in Christ. I hope you find true love and true companionship.

    • Adele Jones
      Adele Jones 3 years ago +16

      Yes it's true. However statistics show that women have less power and control. And that women are more likely to be abused physically, emontionally and financially.

  • Rosanne Durbin
    Rosanne Durbin 3 years ago +104

    Yes I understand 100%. I was in an abusive relationship for 40 years. Now I have had 2 bad strokes and 5 pinched nerves at my brain stem. I have to see doctors and nurologists and councilors for ITS. Which I didn't even know anyone that has not been to war can have. But they explained I was at war every day. I had to fight for my life everyday. Until you have lived it no one understands. I was in love or so I thought. I was taught and raised to make your marriage work no matter what. That's why I stayed

    • Debra Leonard
      Debra Leonard Year ago +2

      So sorry you had to live like that.

    • Sonja Collier
      Sonja Collier 2 years ago +5

      Rosanne Durbin I left after 41 years to the day. He assured me at the beginning of our marriage that he would never hit me as his father did to his mother and my father did to my mother. But the emotional psychological FINANCIAL. Spiritual abuse was much worse.

    • Robyn Evin
      Robyn Evin 2 years ago

      Oh sweetheart 🤗

    • Fi Fi
      Fi Fi 2 years ago

      Power to you Rosanne 🏝️🏝️🏝️

    • nana820able
      nana820able 2 years ago +7

      There's the side you see and the one others see. I had no idea my father in law was a narc until he was 80 years old and I heard the way he talked to my mother in law. Then I realized this is how my husband was raised. They were both abused and were therefore abusive parents. I couldn't believe he hid that side of himself all those years. Everyone thinks my husband is such a great guy. They have no idea what he's really like.

  • Cooking With Kenny
    Cooking With Kenny 9 months ago +1

    I was a man trapped in this type of relationship where I felt I was trapped. I finally left even after years of abuse and because she cheated on me but the reason I left was because she attacked our son and tried to kill him. The sad truth of it is now my son will not talk to me and insist that he believes I was the one that tried to kill him. It breaks my heart.

  • Caroline Kasper
    Caroline Kasper Year ago +3

    I’m going through the same thing. I’m here listening to this with a bruised face

  • Tracey Gardner
    Tracey Gardner 2 years ago +2

    I lived this exact same narcissistic abuse. I just realized that I was ABUSED TOO. 5 years later I am finally ready to share my story to help others like us. I have healed and agree TIME IS UP! 🙏🏻❤️

  • Katie Weant
    Katie Weant 2 years ago +12

    struggling to get out of my emotional abusive relationship. very helpful and inspiring

    • Vanessa Aldahondo
      Vanessa Aldahondo Month ago

      Me too I'm scared but I'm not ok don't know how or where to go and feel better

    • cognisuns
      cognisuns 2 years ago +3

      you can do it! 💪💪

  • Shay Rollins
    Shay Rollins Year ago +5

    My story of getting free from my abuser is different from hers. I broke up with him but he will not leave. I was living with my grandfather and brothers. I will tell him to get out and he won't leave. My grandfather always opened the door for him. I went to court to get a restraining order but he was sitting in my living room when I made it home. I walked in and immediately turned around to go and call the police. He ran after me and began beating me up. The police did nothing but said that I took him back but that was not true. He was waiting for me when I got home and I tried to get away. I decided that I was going to one to leave my grandfather's home. Still, my baby daddy followed me breaking into my home. I ran to the police sitting in a car for help, the officer told me that I was going to just take him back. I said, "I have a restraining order." Still, the officer didn't even attempt to get out of his car. My abuser got a 2x4 and knocked a hole in my front door and reached his hand in to unlock the door. I grabbed his hand and cut his wrist. The police asked him does he want to press charges against me. The police officers insisted that this man and I were a couple. I had to explain to them that this person doesn't live with me and I never let him into my home. He would not have to break in if he lived there. The police told me that it was not safe for me to live in my home because of my abuser. I moved out of state to escape him. My abuser traveled out of state searching for me. My abuser stalked me for over 2 years before he left and moved up North. Think about it we were only a couple for 3 months. This was over 20 years ago and he still tries to contact me through his child. Sometimes the only way for a woman to get rid of her abuser is for her abuser to find another victim or kill him.

    • Donnelle Hall
      Donnelle Hall 11 months ago

      God bless you, Shay. You are awesome 💝

  • Barbara Marshall
    Barbara Marshall 2 years ago +2

    Your mum is very courageous,my family is Greek too and I am discovering just how much of a hold my mother has on me and my children who are autistic as well as my severely disabled son who is in a wheelchair with pegfeeds. I hope we can get through this without a too much pain. Thankyou to your mum as well.

  • maribela21
    maribela21 2 years ago +16

    I went through something similar, but left before it progressed to the physical level. I had the psychological and mental abuse. And he trie to come back but I didn’t open the door.

  • SITAARE - Bhagwati Makwana

    Totally relate to this, taken me years to heal, still having flashbacks but have good friends and beautiful daughters that have walked through this with me.

  • Carie Young
    Carie Young 2 years ago +14

    So many similarities...watch the LOVE BOMBER - this is a HUGE RED FLAG I MISSED - It can happen to the strongest women...I know - I am a survivor! Thank you for the contrast X husband - so I know EXACTLY what I don't want - I will forever be grateful...

  • Lucy Martin
    Lucy Martin 7 months ago

    I needed to hear this. After 11 years of mental , and physical abuse I found the strength to leave and not just go into the other room. He chocked me and pushed me around anytime I tried to walk away from him. I’ll pray to not go back.

  • Jeff Bigelow
    Jeff Bigelow 3 years ago +28

    Most men wouldn't dare add a comment.
    I know this kind of emotional abuse. It's also a learned behavior or an understanding of behavior carried on/imprinted, sometimes by the victim. Emotional and mental abuse isn't always physical and can be any mentality. men, women gender neutral or adolescent.

    • cyborg1320
      cyborg1320 Year ago

      WOmen emotionally abuse men in domestic environments. No one would admit this though,

  • Steffany Adams
    Steffany Adams 3 years ago +31

    I was in a abusive relationship last summed thankfully I got away from him because he ended up going to prison. It’s been about a year an a half now and I’m still trying to find myself again. It ruined me as a person.

    • Everything Roxy
      Everything Roxy 2 years ago +3

      You can rebuild yourself it’s hard but so worth it don’t blame yourself you are a victim

    • Trey-Frey 39
      Trey-Frey 39 2 years ago +2

      Fight for your life, Tiffany. There is a reason you are still here.

    • Miss Moxie
      Miss Moxie 3 years ago +3

      Tiffany Vigil were all with you

  • Giulia Amorim
    Giulia Amorim Year ago +1

    they make you feel like you need them to love you, but in reality, they need you to love themselves. don’t allow yourself to be used for that, use that love for yourself, for the ones that truly deeply care. the ones that if they knew the reality of the situation, they would do everything in their power to show you how much more you deserve, and how much that person has been taking that away from you. i stayed for the same reason as she described, i stayed because he managed to make me believe like he was the only one who truly cared and loved me. but in a healthy relationship, you would never have to feel like your significant other is your only hope. that person should encourage you to do the things you love, be around the people you love, and make you feel loved; not feel worthless, unlovable, dependent on their own well being to be okay.

  • moonmama
    moonmama Year ago +1

    I’m so happy I found this video. I feel so validated in my experience.

  • Ashley Lauren
    Ashley Lauren Year ago +1

    I watched this about a month ago and thought about this video everyday. I appreciate you sharing your story and showing why we stay. I'm a counselor for kids with behavioral health issues. I worked this video into a group therapy session.

  • Kathy Kolenda
    Kathy Kolenda Year ago

    I have always been proud of my Greek heritage, however you just made me a little prouder😌 Your such a strong woman.

  • Shayla Google
    Shayla Google Year ago +2

    There are patterns in abuse, if you pay attention you will see the rollercoaster ride. Thank You for sharing your story! ..... It takes the courage to open up and talk about it to start the conversation to hopefully save someone elses life! God Bless You!

  • alaysia kaye butler
    alaysia kaye butler 2 years ago +1

    Its important to realize this is not just happening to.. Men stay and get beat on, raged on, financially exploited; end up ill, despairing, GOOD, enlightened, vital men who love and sacrifice yet in leaving would lose all to an abuser. Bad men and bad women hide in the crowd and use these "movements" as cover.

  • Angeline Mitchell
    Angeline Mitchell 2 years ago +1

    I can relate to your story very much. I went from victim to victor of Domestic Violence 9 years ago and am Thriving and sharing my story with the world through my Podcast to help people break the silence and find their voice.

  • Blanca Rosas
    Blanca Rosas 2 years ago +2

    Thank you so much for this ted talk, you never think that abuse can happen to you.

  • Estella Camacho
    Estella Camacho 3 years ago +10

    Mada, I am so sorry you had to go through abuse, but I'm glad you found the strength to leave the power to heal in a healthy way & are able to have a happy ending with your beautiful family. 💗

  • Yoga Lotus
    Yoga Lotus 3 months ago

    You conveyed this little known formulaic nightmare so well. ❤ May Peace Radiate From You Healing Those Who Sadly Understand.

  • M
    M Year ago +2

    This reminded me of strength I forgot I had, thank you for this.

  • Renee' McClure
    Renee' McClure 2 years ago +2

    He was only physical with me a few times but the emotional and mental abuse was just as you described. It's impossible to explain to people why I stayed for so long..."if it was that bad...why didn't you just leave" they ask or because he wasn't physically abusive, it somehow negates the years of crushing isolation and debasement. He has been gone for a few years now and I still can't shake the feelings shame/failure for not being enough for him. I have crippling fear that he will comeback and say all the right things and I will be too weak to say "No". I'm sorry your situation was so horrible but I really appreciate you sharing because in listening to this talk suddenly I feel less alone in my journey....Nothing compared to yours but your words rang so true....Thank you.

    • Sonja Collier
      Sonja Collier 2 years ago

      Renee' McClure I go through days where I feel so shaky inside that I can’t really concentrate and get anything done.

  • Guadalupe EG
    Guadalupe EG Year ago

    You can feel abuse, you don't need to intellectually know the name of what he is doing to you in order to want to run for the hills. I don't like to be mistreated, I don't like to be disrespected or bullied, period. Someone does that to you more than twice, you leave!!!

  • Reo J. Saints
    Reo J. Saints 3 years ago +82

    I recently escaped from an abusive relationship, it was the worst relationship I have ever been in. Almost 2 years And their family used me aswell.
    Emotional and Mental abuse.

  • MaseS
    MaseS Year ago +1

    This validates my thoughts and feelings and yet I still feel like I’m maybe the crazy one and it’s just all a coincidence. What if they can’t see or acknowledge that they are mentally and emotionally abusive? How do you safely and fairly divorce when young children are involved? How do you keep from getting mentally and emotionally broken through it all? How do you protect the kids?

    • AFuTeZ
      AFuTeZ 6 months ago

      I’m not married with kids, but I understand you’re confusion when it comes to whose right and wrong. Maybe where not asking the right question for that aspect. Maybe the question isn’t who isn’t seeing the truth, but rather how can we get a much better outside perspective who can see both people in the partnership more objectively (yet still understanding of your cultures/where each of you comes from) ?
      That in turn, might help heal and also what best to do for the kids..

    • MaseS
      MaseS Year ago +1

      And how do you protect yourself from the emotional and mental abuse when you have to coparenting after the divorce?

  • daia
    daia Year ago +17

    about to leave a psychologically abusive partner, I'm scared but also proud of myself (╯︵╰,)

  • Nicola Rollinson
    Nicola Rollinson 2 years ago +3

    Once you have been a victim or rather survivor of abuse, its too easy to repeat the pattern of relationship' type.
    For myself, I'm still hoping to find the kind of love that my parents had.
    They genuinely were made for each other. Equally yolked, both pulling in the same direction, their love and respect for each other never dimmed with the passing years.
    I guess I yearn for that closeness and security and mutual joy.
    I thought, in my innocence, that everyone was like that. Consequently, I was vulnerable to abuse...abusers can stiff out innocent' trust.
    Its very sad that so few find true love.

  • Gayle D'Souza
    Gayle D'Souza 3 months ago

    Been in such similar situations. He's story is inspiring yet what's off putting is when someone says they left something abusive and somehow they found the right guy. I'm happy for her, yet I don't believe that you need to meet someone else to have a happy ever after and know youre worthy.
    If you do happen to meet someone; then great, if not youre still a star!

  • Raluca Di
    Raluca Di Year ago +4

    When you forgive him and accept him back, his respect for lowers even more.

  • Tabitha Daniella
    Tabitha Daniella 2 years ago

    Never been in a relationship, but this is so eye-opening. Thank you for sharing Mada!

  • White Rose
    White Rose Year ago +2

    The most powerful thing IS forgiveness, although I’m not quite there yet, I know it’s what will be me being free.
    It’s the resentment that stops me from overcoming and being me again.

  • Hema R
    Hema R 2 years ago

    More power to u and other women so that they can never ever be abused!!!

  • chingyee100
    chingyee100 3 years ago +4

    Thank you very much for this. I have been trying to figure out the pattern and reasons. I need to hear this!

  • Laura Lubbers
    Laura Lubbers 2 years ago

    Emotional abuse can hurt just as much as physical abuse. Abusers can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. When I was with my ex that I was walking on eggshells and as if I couldn't do anything right. I never knew what would make him mad. I was always scared if I said or did the wrong thing he would leave me since he always threatened to break up with me. Sometimes I didnt even know why. I blessed that I found the strength to leave him. If I didnt leave I was afraid he would start beating me.

  • Emily West
    Emily West Year ago

    It's watching stuff like this that helped me see what was happening before it got legitimately bad. I at least can feel proud that I saw his bullcrap and he never had any power over me to abuse.

  • Essex123 456
    Essex123 456 2 years ago +2

    You know what's tragic I have friends and relatives that are in this situation. I have tried to tell them about it some listen but largely they choose the abusive individual. I tend to step out of the friendship or contact when the abusive partner attempts to intrude, control and intimidate me. Most women in this situation will drop their friends despite those individuals giving them warning signs. A lot of them begin attacking you. It would be helpful if in these talks they speak about the strategies women can take to detect an individual that are capable of this behaviour. From the friends and relatives I have seen there are normally warning sign that women brush off as 'attentiveness' rather than looking at control and their gradual isolation and loss of autonomy.

    • Valley Chatter
      Valley Chatter Year ago

      Yes, this is a tough situation. I don't know how to help my friends who are blinded by the love bombing. I try to forward them some videos about narcissistic personality disorder. I like Dr. Ramani's channel a lot. Sometimes the abused people are still hopeful that the abuser will change if they shower them with more love. What they don't realize that they are wasting their time. Things only gets worse.

  • Valeria Bonfio
    Valeria Bonfio 3 years ago +3

    I think that it's very important that abused women who finally got out, share therir story and that the abusers go to prison for the rest of their life!!

  • Maria Helmsley
    Maria Helmsley Year ago +3

    Can relate. Strength and self love. ♥️

  • A D J
    A D J 3 years ago +8

    Thank you for this I was finally able to speak up To my sister and my decision was made for me

  • Just Me Ashley
    Just Me Ashley Year ago +1

    I had an ex who was like this in all the ways except physical abuse other than one time, that I actually initiated. But I had to do the thing with having someone move in to tell him to leave because I couldn’t do it. She helped save me.

  • Dragonfly Magic Tarot
    Dragonfly Magic Tarot 2 years ago +11

    "Every single minute of my day. . ."
    Love bombing.
    "It had a name"
    Abuse, trauma bond, covert/overt abuse.
    "Time is up"
    Breaking free. Healing that inner child. Changing your beliefs.
    That hit me.

  • Tchoden_99🇧🇹
    Tchoden_99🇧🇹 3 years ago +12

    So inspiring and it gives me a hope!
    Well I m 18years and basically a high school chick. Anyways Seems like we were exactly on the same boat...like what she went through in the past n what I m going through presently. YES! I m actually a victim of emotional abuse. I realised the day I woke up with no hopes.. All being shattered. Literally my life is in the point of 'Sucidical'. I Just don't know how to get rid of it.. At this point, I still love him and it's hard to imagine my life without him.. I mean the whole thing we had together.. M undergoing depression..n it's hard to imagine what she went through but she gave me a hope to live.. When we r in our hardest point of our life.. We just have to realized its not going to be the end of the world.. Because you have more life to live! It is just a temporarol..nothing sure's happen permanently...like the concept of forever is Basically Fake!. My own sister she was in toxic abusive relationships n now they r happily married.. Her husband changed into an gentle man!. Sometimes thing doesn't always go as we expect.. But sometimes unexpected things can turn into expected one.. N through her emotional traumatizing stories.. I can comprehend that at some point of women's life.. We all Go through Same boat.. Like I have heard many stories of abuse from my aunts n some even from my teachers who is female! N i feel nb should be treated this way.. Everyone deserve to be happy because our life is very unfigureoutable at certain circumstances.. No matter how much painful shits I m going through... I will always remember that We have hope!
    Hope to live.. :) n I m very happy for her at her present lives! :) God bless you immensely..and you are such a pretty woman and strong.. I respect you wholeheartedly..🙏🕴👍👏hats off.
    Love from Bhutan. Xx.

    • W.I.N. Hellas Διεθνής Υποστήριξη Γυναικών
    • Mada Papadakou
      Mada Papadakou 3 years ago +1

      Tenzin choden thank you for your comment! The first step to getting out of a toxic relationship is recognizing it!

    • April Justice
      April Justice 3 years ago +1

      @Tchoden_99🇧🇹 Go to RU-clip and subscribe to Evangelist Gabriel Fernandes. I promise you there is so much freedom, hope, love, healing for yourself and those you love. A few minutes in the morning to start your day. I truly hope you enjoy your prayer life. God's guidance is essential.. ❤

    • April Justice
      April Justice 3 years ago +1

      @Tchoden_99🇧🇹 I truly hope you do. We are freedom fighters. We are free to live the life Our Abba Jahovah God our Father created us to be beloved daughters. Our King Christ Jesus paid in full our sin debt. Dance to the Lord. Hallelujah.
      He has all the love that I need and we are valuable and wanted. We are here on purpose. He has plan's for us all. Jeremiah 29: 11
      Philippians chapter 4.
      Ephesians chapter 6 battle field of our mind's. Psalms 91 protection for us and our loved ones. Romans Chapter 8. Ephesians chapter 3 is a personal favorite. Google the promises of the Bible. Learn who's you Are if you believe and claim His gift of Christ. Hold your head up. Walk with the authority of being a child of the most high God. He's alive. Where He is. I one day will also be. He went to prepare a place. He told us he will return us to Himself. Be ready.

    • Tchoden_99🇧🇹
      Tchoden_99🇧🇹 3 years ago +2

      @April Justice Thank you for your humble and beautiful words. It gives me hope and strength. :( even though I'm suffering in silence. I will take your words as my new steps to rebuild my self esteem and courage.

  • Mon Slay
    Mon Slay Year ago +1

    My dad was abisive, therefore when I ended up with an abusive man, I thought it was normal behavior,...that I was supposed to conform,...that I was just "too spirited". I mean the only man in my life while growing up did it, so thats the way all man are supposed to act, since noone ever spoke out against him. I was highly brainwashed as all abused women are. Now 12 years later, I am married the sweetest, most respectable angel of a husband. He treats me like a queen.

  • C D
    C D 2 years ago +2

    In reality, people stay because they have created a facade which is more important to preserve than that they screwed up and need to get out of the relationship. You have to first admit you made a big mistake and that there person whom charmed you was a manipulator. You can't talk someone into seeing this, their foundation would crumble and they can't accept that.

  • Karen Walls Browne
    Karen Walls Browne 2 years ago

    It's shameful how many men and women have gone through this . Sounds like what my life was, not anymore!!

  • Umhani
    Umhani Year ago +6

    Separated for four months now.... but I still want my marriage to work. I started to miss my husband from last week but I’m not going back unless he takes full responsibility and work on himself. New immigration, separation, physical abuse, past physical abuse, trauma, childhood trauma....I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t know how I’m still keep going.

    • Umhani
      Umhani Year ago

      @Rashmi Sinha Hi Rashmi! Wow my previous comment was 8 months ago?! No, I didn’t go back and I am not going back. I started studying again and my new job will start from this month. He will never change. Even if he does, what we had is gone, it’s ruined. I have put myself into so much, not anymore. He doesn’t deserve me. We talked about divorce and will finalise it soon.
      If you are in an abusive marriage, think twice about going back. Talk to therapist to get clarity. And I will tell you not to go back. Build your own life. You deserve better. You don’t deserve this. Take care of yourself. Don’t think about society or anybody else.

    • Rashmi Sinha
      Rashmi Sinha Year ago

      @umhani..I am in a similar dilemma..Are you back into your marriage? What happened did your partner change?

  • Rnl T
    Rnl T Year ago +1

    I am very happy that there are women who can run after being abused by their partners, because I can't do that myself. I never did that with my past relationship. I let him disrespect me and use me, because I was too young for him and he really knows how to control me. I do love him, but I knew exactly he's not good for me, but still, I never leave. Until he cheated on me, cheated on me, and ghosted me, left me and told me he has lost his feelings for me. I never leave him with his toxic behaviors, but he left me when he discovers how will I react about his cheating. Now, I am happy that it ended though, but I regret that I didn't walked away with that relationship earlier. I learned my lessons now and I hope that there would be someone who will truly love me for who I am and fully accept my past.

  • Bianca Gallegos
    Bianca Gallegos 3 years ago +12

    I have been in this situation since i was 28. I am 41 😢 and we have a 5 yr old daughter. He is a manipulative narcissist alcoholic. I try to stay away. I finally did for 6 months. Unfortunately i heard he was doing bad. I went back and took him to the hospital for his pancreas. Now i feel I’m back in that hole and cant get out again.

    • Carol Verde
      Carol Verde 3 years ago

      Get out

    • Maria Rocio Galvez
      Maria Rocio Galvez 3 years ago

      Hi Bianca
      Sort what you are going through
      Can you please give me some advise my husband uses herion I just want to end this situation with him

    • Bingo wings
      Bingo wings 3 years ago

      Its okay to be kind to someone that needs it. One thing from the Male Perspective, is it seems as women do not consider men feeling beings. My feelings are crushed on a regular basis, I just don't break down in tears. If he is sick and accepts help without being poisonous, give it. If he starts making you become what you don't want to be, leave him to the doctors and nurses.

    • Mada Papadakou
      Mada Papadakou 3 years ago +1

      Bianca Gallegos you should seek for help! Sometimes we just need the right “life tools” to help us out of a bad situation. No one deserves to be in pain...

    • Nafeesa Shaik
      Nafeesa Shaik 3 years ago +1

      Bianca Gallegos am so sorry about this. :(

  • T. S.
    T. S. 3 years ago +3

    • T. S.
      T. S. 3 years ago +1

      "You look weird with make-up, I almost don't recognise you"

  • Pami Campbell
    Pami Campbell 3 years ago +198

    Yes we don't even know it's abuse til we're out away from them...

    • Nicola Rollinson
      Nicola Rollinson 2 years ago

      Very true

    • J G
      J G 2 years ago +4

      @Team Hope 143 you're welcome. Someone killing themself is NOT your fault. Narc abuse tends to leave you feeling like everything wrong is your fault. It is not. Your life will get better when you are not around someone constantly putting you down & blaming you for everything. You will be fine if you focus on yourself & your needs. It's about YOU

    • Team Hope 143
      Team Hope 143 2 years ago

      thank u for responding it means alot

    • Team Hope 143
      Team Hope 143 2 years ago

      i am so sorry for babling i just idnk i feel like i do love him but dont feel that if he could say that to me how could he truly love me and if u go into a dv shelter u have to press charges thats messed up i am homeless living in my car i losy everything i owemd its scary loosing ever thing and all u have is each other and my servise dog

    • Team Hope 143
      Team Hope 143 2 years ago

      so i feel like maybe he can change and i already had some one die infront of me my husband and he shot himeself and took his life and i feel likw i shoukd of nown and i dont want any one feeling like i do alone sad and that i could of saved a life

  • stephen nordlinger
    stephen nordlinger 2 years ago +2

    Right, abuse should not define you. They abused you, not you abusing them. They did it, you didn’t.

  • Ana Ice
    Ana Ice Year ago +6

    I stayed because I loved him so much and truly thought he would eventually change or stop hitting me or threatening me when he became upset

  • Amber Mason
    Amber Mason 2 years ago +2

    I can’t relate to the physical abuse but I was emotionally abused for 8/9 months and I had to witness self harm, hear suicide threats and got told it’d be my fault if he died. Even today I still remember everything he did and said to me, I remember the pain I was in, crying every single night and thinking I was just really emotional, I was passive and felt like if I said something wrong his death would be my fault it really hurts

  • S.D77
    S.D77 Year ago +1

    I left my ex because of emotional abuse, and we have a child together. That didn't stop him though and I'm still recovering.

  • Vivid Soldier
    Vivid Soldier 7 months ago

    I think it is important to know his or her family history. Fast engagements or marriages are not always a wise decision.
    I thank God for this lady's testimony among others who have also lived to testify. They have and still are teaching me to pray, observe and make wise decisions, concerning relationships/marriage.
    Love is a choice, but don't let anyone "cut off your nose to spoil your face", if you know what I mean.
    God's Peace & Blessings to you all!

  • Lauri C
    Lauri C Year ago +1

    This is so profoundly sick, I almost want to believe it couldn't possibly have happened the way she's saying.

  • imraan patal
    imraan patal 2 years ago +8

    I have a sister that's in an abusive relationship, how does one help her? the man she is with acts so holy, his always in church, always preachers about liers, etc but his the total opposite, he refuses any of us the right to see our sister, he cheats on her constantly, we have literal video evidence of this which my sister has seen, he abuses her, she was in hospital for what she said was a mugging but we all know it wasn't, what kind of thief steals the money out your wallet, leaves your purse, cellphone, and jewelry and then beats you up? why is she defending him so much, why is she risking her own life for a man that doesn't even provide her with a decent life? she always borrowing money for him, she works and he doesn't, like why all this for a man that clearly doesn't love her and is just using her?. how does one even help her, when you speak to her she agrees, when you offer help she refuses, like what does one do?

    • Nawras Balkan
      Nawras Balkan 2 years ago +1

      He is a covert narc...who will always hide behind the mask of relgion n goodness so that no one would believe ur sister or ur familg when u accuse him of anything...sildnyly n subtle ways..try to record anything of his actions...conversations...photos...videos even...and when enough evidence is brought togather...dont conftont him till ur sister is safe with u....then let him lie in front of the ehole crowd then burn him with ur evidences...then divorce her..coz these people care mist about the image ( thst u would be destroying)..they will beg n cry for second chances claiming love n regrets..but in reality will be looking for revenage n it will come worse for ur sis....read more abt covert narc disorder...thier tactics...cycle...rage....let ur sis pull out n become financiallt independent..if needed...report him to police...get rid of him...ur sis cannot b neefing u more...she can b brainwashed into believing that its all her mistake...he truely loves her...she cannot make it alone...while in reality shd is made to think so so she would stay...help her

  • adina shaina
    adina shaina Year ago +19

    "He would throw things, break things.." yeah! And ever notice how, remarkably, not one of those items belonged to him!? Yeah, think about that one.

    • MzQue
      MzQue Year ago

      So true! It’s never something THEY care about.

    • Shirley wong
      Shirley wong Year ago +2

      By law it's all urs both of urs

  • Knowledge Variable
    Knowledge Variable 2 years ago +23

    Entering my 30's, I'm learning what not to be and what not to do

  • KhathraAsha Mohammed

    Amazing Brave lady MaashAllah!

  • Vicky Inspires
    Vicky Inspires 3 years ago +5

    This is my story! I used to model also your story is similar to mine 😭

    ΒΑΣΩ ΓΚΡΑΒΑ 4 years ago +9

    Bravo Manda and God bless you...!!!

  • Stay Honey
    Stay Honey 3 years ago +4

    It’s sad that you felt shame and you were the victim. But that’s really how it is

  • Nancy Suver
    Nancy Suver 5 months ago

    The abusive ex I divorced normalized his abuse
    By doing the honey moon /love bombing, then devaluation /abuse, and discard cycle .
    The difference is he never took ownership or accountability , not showed even false remorse .instead he would always project , pathological lie, gaslight, and blame shift , smear campaign with all my close friends and family his guilt back onto me as he played imposter victim.
    There were times when I had had it saying I was leaving that he would then beg me not to go that he needed me ( as his skapegoat and punching bag to use).
    He groomed and created the trauma bond
    Addiction to his abuse and neglect.
    I abandoned and deserted my true self , my soul to co exist as best I could with the very person
    That turned out to be my worst enemy
    My worst nightmare

  • Rossmary Navarro
    Rossmary Navarro 3 years ago +6

    wow..this hit me, thank you for this ted talk.