#ThatsNotLove campaign | Because I Love You - Delete | One Love Foundation

  • Published on Oct 13, 2015
  • Such a simple phrase can take on a different meaning in an unhealthy relationship; escalating from a statement of care to one of control. Go to www.joinonelove.org/ for more information.
    If you are using this video in your classroom, we’ve created a discussion guide complete with questions and answers about controlling statements and other unhealthy relationship behaviors to help start your conversation. You can also use this guide with groups, teams, friends, or even with loved ones. Follow the link below to download your discussion guide.
    Link: www.joinonelove.org/act/because-i-love-you/#convo
    About One Love:
    Founded in 2010 to honor the memory of Yeardley Love, One Love is a student-led movement to activate, educate, and empower others to change the statistics around relationship violence.
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    #ThatsNotLove campaign | Because I Love You | One Love Foundation ru-clip.com/user/JoinOneLove

Comments • 582

  • -
    - 4 years ago +280

    "This isn't abuse."
    Yes. It. Is.
    It is emotional abuse. The people share the quality of being controlling and manipulative. they are threatening and revoking basic human rights all while shouting; ex: 'you aren't allowed to be in public' & 'you stop talking to your classmates'. They then backup their abuse by using
    "..its because I love you" to manipulate the person into thinking that the abuser is doing something right and is doing it for them. Not all abuse is physical.

    • Circles [GD]
      Circles [GD] Year ago +2

      twt: beyondnamjoon I agree.

    • Abigail Mechley
      Abigail Mechley 3 years ago +12

      +sakura haruno Just a reminder to anyone who might be trapped in this sort of abusive relationship, where the abuser says "please don't leave, you're all I have" or "I'll kill myself if you go," please remember that there are resources out there that you can reach out to (The National Domestic Violence Hotline's number is 800-799-SAFE (7233) ). Keep in mind that your abuser only cares about themselves and making you stay- they might threaten suicide as a way of trapping you. If you think they are going to commit suicide if you leave, call the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-TALK) or the local emergency number and make sure that the individual can't go through with it.

  • Alex Golding
    Alex Golding Hour ago

    Everyone mark my damn words

    Cheating should be a crime

  • javierarce86
    javierarce86 Month ago +1

    Sums up my relationship. Unfortunately, she's pregnant

  • Steve Samson
    Steve Samson Month ago

    Everyone is talking about the kind of abuse they've went through and here I am thinking... dear God. I'm the abuser. I didn't realize it, that this kind of intensity was unhealthy. That my fears and emotions were manipulative. My boyfriend doesn't know anything about it and think it's okay, but it's not. I see that now. I need help. I went to him and I told him that I loved him so much, and that I'm going to change for the better of both of us. It's been only a couple of days since this commercial and I've done my best to give him space. He went with him and his other two gay friends, and of course it made me angry. It made me sad, jealous. But I held my tongue and wished him a good time for once. He was surprised, that I didn't want to go out with him, and that I didn't ask if he was OK, He also said "I'm just not used to you not texting me so much and asking how I'm doing all the time lol."

    It's sickening, to think that after this year I've been trying to keep him to myself. I didn't see it. I'm the bad guy, after all.

    So I'm changing. I told him I loved him again this morning, and I hung out with my friends. I focused on work. I'm taking deep breaths and told myself that it's OK to let him go, for him to have his own life. I don't want to isolate him and make him dependent on me. I don't want to feed this jealousy, but I need help. I am taking a therapy session tomorrow morning to get rid of this inner monster once and for all. For him. For me.

  • C Peterseb
    C Peterseb Month ago

    Ok I have worked in photography and understand what people are trying to say in photos or video.. However; finding it difficult to wrap my head around this commercial so to speak.. First I thought it was something dealing with jealousy and it is.. But watched the extended commercial and thought to myself its borderline Narcissistic, controlling and maybe stalking. If someone is checking your texts outside of your parents you should probably distance yourself from the person. Everyone has a right to privacy.. even if your married there are lines that need to be defined. For instance , I have never read my wife's E-mails.

  • Chris Egar
    Chris Egar 2 months ago

    This is good. Too many memes make it seem cute to want to be someone's parole officer. It's gross behavior.

  • Random Person You Might Know

    Rihannon McGavin is the best!!! So glad she was part of this beautiful video

  • H Palms
    H Palms 5 months ago

    It is because I loves u, she gave my uncle a lap dance at my brother's wedding party. Because I love you she went out to the bar with several friends. Wakes me up out of deep sleep and asks me which room can we use. Is that true love? I gave her space and freedom. I didn't get angry or jealous.

  • Jesenia Castillo Pantoja

    Then what is love?

  • Venus the Pitsky
    Venus the Pitsky 5 months ago

    This channel is the reason I’ve been broken up with my abusive ex for over a year now. I’m just now finally going to therapy when I realized despite him being gone, the damage is done and I’m not okay. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and depersonalization. Don’t think this isn’t abuse. It ruins people mentally. I haven’t been the same since. But I will be one day. Thank you One Love Foundation for saving me. I’m still very much suicidal sometimes but I’ve noticed the sun shines just a little bit brighter now that I’m reaching out instead of pretending the relationship didn’t happen.

  • MrGustavito Jr
    MrGustavito Jr 5 months ago

    Is this commercial played in Valentine’s Day or the days before Valentine’s Day?

  • Anyya Williamson
    Anyya Williamson 5 months ago


  • Demetrius Clemmons
    Demetrius Clemmons 5 months ago

    I was like this once, honestly. Me and my ex was hanging out. I was taking pictures with her phone. We were having a great time. She gets a message from this guy she was talking to while I was taking pictures. I don’t remember what it said exactly. But it very very inappropriate. I asked to see but From her reaction, she was hiding something. I see her calling him daddy , then sending pictures back and forth. Planning on meeting up. And I told her I should smash her phone. If that makes me abusive. Than so be it. Good to say , me and her aren’t together anymore. These videos are important yes. But don’t be sneaky and cheat. That was my “excuse” to be abusive Once. That’s just my personal story. Teach people to love , trust, and not cheat as well.

    MARCUS B 6 months ago

    Yeah i kinda dont get where this is going. And i never went in her phone or tried to make her hang with her friends less. And it just doesn't work for me cause the whole town including her will tell me she's untrustable... I'm at a loss what were we and why dont i see why i need to be with her. Not tryna be a douche anymore just need insight cause the comments here say the above isn't ok.

    MVP MVP 6 months ago +1

    jokes on them, i already avoid people.

  • bongo fury
    bongo fury 8 months ago

    Can we change the divorce laws now and get men's stuff back.....?

  • bongo fury
    bongo fury 8 months ago

    It's great that these folks have people they care about.

  • Candace D
    Candace D 10 months ago +1

    These are 3 years old !
    I can't believe I just now saw one

  • Candace D
    Candace D 10 months ago

    I just saw the one where she's crying
    And he hits the wall with his hand and in her face
    Yelling at her
    Been there
    To all who's going through this please leave
    It will not feel good at first

  • Charly Dat Duc Lai
    Charly Dat Duc Lai 11 months ago

    True love never ever comes with Abuse, abuse is not love. Abuse is abuse, this video is a very powerful message!

  • SupremeChaos918
    SupremeChaos918 11 months ago

    The guys at 0:09 and 0:21 actually look like they could be brothers. And they probably are.

  • Chumchumaru
    Chumchumaru Year ago +1

    Jebac biernackiego

  • Maddox Tolliver
    Maddox Tolliver Year ago

    *on first look this seemed pretty **_FAIR_** as an offering. in the past it seemed like spots like this would have subliminal **_MISANDRY_** woven into the framework. then i noticed the **_LACK OF "SPOUSAL GENDER ID"_** in the dialogue when the **_"ABUSERS"_** in the video were addressing their **_"PARTNERS."_** setting up a **_"SUBVERSIVE NOD"_** that some of the males were speaking to females. while the **_FEMALES_** seemed **_"GENDER NUETRAL."_** now i know this is a **_STRETCH,_** in assessment. but this type of **_#DUMBSHIT_** **_ANALYTICAL OF PREMISE_** is performed **_OFTEN_** by **_PSEUDO-FEMINIST._** so, **_I GUESS IT'S FAIR._* ru-clip.com/video/Ya2xifdO_l0/video.html

  • Patricia tha bibliophile

    Know the difference between a toxic relationship/ a healthy one

  • The Ser
    The Ser Year ago

    Now that's a good one!

  • Junghoon Kim
    Junghoon Kim Year ago

    Thing is, I'd let this happen to me just to hear someone tell me that they love me.

  • Roxanne Carter
    Roxanne Carter Year ago

    I Say Certain Things From This Commercial To My Husband. But I Dont Say "because I love you" Afterwards 🙄. You Motherfuckers Act Like Your Relationships Are Perfect. You're DAMN Right Ima Tell My Husband Not To Hang Out With Certain People. You're DAMN Right My Husband Tells Me Not To Wear A Certain Outfit. Even If I Dont Think Its Too Revealing, Hes A Man And He Knows What Men Are Looking At. So Out Of RESPECT I Take It Off Just Like Out Of RESPECT He Stops Talking To Whomever I Ask Him To. ESPECIALLY When I Have VALID Reasons For Him To Not Communicate With Them.

    If He Broke My Property Or Physically Assaulted Me That's Completely Different. Maybe I Have The "words dont hurt" Attitude Because I'm In The Military. Idk. But You Mfs Seem Sensitive Af.

  • akadimas
    akadimas Year ago

    I dont even have relationship 😫

  • Mimi Blue
    Mimi Blue Year ago


  • Slort Mcgoo
    Slort Mcgoo Year ago

    Yess!!!! How many lives get ruined because of control issues.

  • Lauren Yeua
    Lauren Yeua Year ago

    This ad had me feel conflicted.
    My boyfriend had been lying for a year about a very impactful things to me even aft we compromise.
    and He went around wanders and ask pretty girls their name and their instagram. He jokes about fucking girls in his sch around his friends. Saying that they are all lucky that he is with me. If not, he will fuck them.
    We had a perfect relationship before i know his lies, his doings behind my back.
    He had fun with his friends, I have fun with my friends.
    But NOW,
    I am devastated and just a sad person bcs i found out how much he had lied to me. and did.
    I love him with all my heart from the start. I cherish and everything he needed is provided. All i ever do is to build our relationship in a healthy way possible.
    I cried all the time. He promised me he changed, but i have no trust in him at all.
    If he goes out with friends that are girls who i barely know, my anxiety comes attacking me.
    And so i told him so, and he ended up not going.
    We also shares passwords now.
    I dont allow him to go to school camps with his friends, cus i do not trust him anymore.
    Am i abusing him? cus i need to know this.. I dont want us to be unhealthy. I just am disappointed on what he did, and my trust... my trust cant just build again in a matter of a second.
    What he did is fucked me up so bad that i dont know what i supposed to do.

    • JoinOneLove
      JoinOneLove  Year ago

      Hey there Lauren, we are sorry to hear about what is happening with you and your partner. We encourage you to check out some of the resources on our website and reach out for advice on the situation. You can find these real time resources here, and by reaching out you'll be connected to a peer advocate who can offer support and help: www.joinonelove.org/get-help/#real-time
      In a healthy relationship, both partners are honest and respectful of one another, and both partners trust one another completely. It doesn't make you abusive if you don't trust your partner, but controlling what your partner does because of a lack of trust in them is considered abuse. Ultimately, it sounds like taking some time to consider if this relationship is healthy for both of you may help. Healthy relationships make you feel happy, respected, secure and safe. Also, we encourage you to read this article about gaslighting on our website, which may help: www.joinonelove.org/learn/7_signs_of_gaslighting/
      You may also want to watch our Behind the Post video and download the discussion guide associated with the video. The guide has a lot of great information about trust, jealousy and control in relationships. You can find the videos and discussion guide here: www.joinonelove.org/act/behind-the-post/
      Please remember that the most dangerous time in an unhealthy relationship is during and after a breakup, so if you are considering ending the relationship, we encourage you to first create a safety plan.

  • KittyPog
    KittyPog Year ago

    If you text a girl and want to have sex with her, it is because your wife loves you that she says don’t text them. Seriously. Your partner doesn’t want you to cheat on them.

  • Venus the Pitsky
    Venus the Pitsky Year ago

    I’m trying to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship right now. This battle has been hard and I’m physically feeling ill from all the pain I’m in. This video and these comments are helping me push through.

  • Kiona Prater
    Kiona Prater Year ago +1

    That's not love if your boyfriend/girlfriend treats you like that it's abuse 💯💯💔

  • Sharon Jensen
    Sharon Jensen Year ago

    No, that's not love at all, just as hooking up for sex, being with someone for conveniences sake and doing favours for each other in exchange for sex are not "acts of love." What is love, anyway? I think I like Katharine Hepburn's idea of men and women just living next door to each other and visiting now and then.

  • Cat Girl
    Cat Girl Year ago

    I saw myself in this commercial. I was with someone who lied and cheated the whole time. They abused drugs. They abused my trust and I didn't know how to walk away. I didn't realize that it was some twisted form of codependency. When you give everything you have to someone who just takes and takes, when you miss out on the best times of your life because someone is monopolizing your time and resources to their advantage, it turns you into the person you see in this commercial. I realize everyone's story is different, but I hope people realize that not everyone who acts like this is a just a controlling bully. The other person isn't necessarily some innocent person being abused. My ex was controlling and manipulating me, taking my time, my love, my money and my car, yet I was the one sounding like those people in the commercial. There are two sides to what you're hearing in this commercial. It's definitely abuse. The best thing I ever did was walk away and I hope that commercial empowers others to leave these relationships. -- The other person doesn't love you. When you can accept that, it's the most liberating moment of your entire life.

  • marc yu
    marc yu Year ago

    Manipulation, self-doubts the 'abused' one was the bad one. Relationships are just too hard.

  • punkakes13
    punkakes13 Year ago

    because i love ill leave u to die

  • Uzabi
    Uzabi Year ago

    I mean girls are usually like this.

  • elsa1942
    elsa1942 Year ago

    Please dear God do NOT let me ever be in a relationship where the boy will say horrible things like these. Please, please don’t.

  • Chelise Kirby
    Chelise Kirby Year ago +1

    This is a great video. I loved the message. It even inspired me to write my own. So I give a special thanks to everyone that had anything to do with the making of this incredible video.

  • King Mondo
    King Mondo Year ago

    Will the shallowness ever end? It needs to in order for humanity to actually proceed and grow up.

  • ZingaRocks
    ZingaRocks 2 years ago

    I like pretending it's my parents saying this, then I can tell them they are bad parents mwahahaha

  • Stephanie :0
    Stephanie :0 2 years ago

    People only take it serious when they start hitting you. Emotional abuse is real and it damage you for years

  • Joe Vasicek
    Joe Vasicek 2 years ago

    So glad I dodged that bullet.

  • Kelly Smithson
    Kelly Smithson 2 years ago

    Love is Love

  • sladikk
    sladikk 2 years ago +1

    Had a friend who just went through this. Her boyfriend said he didn't want her being friends with any guys, or even talking to them. I'm so proud of her for dumping that loser and ignoring him when he was trying to manipulate her into staying!

  • Exnomer
    Exnomer 2 years ago +1

    Actually it is love, just cranked up to 11 and thrown in with a bit more than normal obsession and possesiveness.

  • iCupcakeMelanie
    iCupcakeMelanie 2 years ago

    This is a really great commercial.

  • BeautyOfJulez
    BeautyOfJulez 2 years ago


  • Alba Lleixà López
    Alba Lleixà López 2 years ago

    I got emotionally abused by my girlfriend for many months. She'd make me do some work for free, made me buy her gifts, and expect nothing in return. She'd talk shit about me with others, then I'd dismiss any concerned friend that would have heard her words... because why would she do that? I was trying to be the best girlfriend, help her with all she needed, give her all the love and support I could. Eventually she started telling me to stop being so clingy, to stop demanding her attention or love. "You're like a fucking leech, just give me some space." And then, one day she just stopped talking to me. Just like that, gone.
    We had some shared friends, and I clearly remember her pretending I wasn't there, while she talked with those other friends. No eye contact, no words, just a constant make-believe to make me disappear.
    It's been five years, and she seems to be the same, as people has told me many times; she's only had 'use and throw' girlfriends -as soon as they stop being useful to her, she dumps them. Luckily for me, now I can detect that toxic behavior before it gets me.
    I've always seen ads and posters about MEN being abusive, but never about women. I'd even go further and say that the "super inclusive" leftists don't even have in mind that lesbians can be extremely abusive (both physically and emotionally) to their girlfriends. That's why I want to say thanks for making this ad, because it's realistic. It's not only men, heck, they're not even the majority of emotional abusers. Women can be monsters too.

    • JoinOneLove
      JoinOneLove  2 years ago +1


    • Alba Lleixà López
      Alba Lleixà López 2 years ago

      JoinOneLove You are absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much, you made me smile.

    • JoinOneLove
      JoinOneLove  2 years ago +1

      We are sorry to hear that you were in an abusive relationship Alba, but also very happy that you found the strength and support you needed to leave that relationship safely. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship, especially you.

  • Wildan Zalfi
    Wildan Zalfi 2 years ago

    its amazing

  • [Redacted] Glyph
    [Redacted] Glyph 2 years ago

    I remember when this add was still curlicuing the internet massively through adds. And i know that every time it played I watched, knowing that this is what society must see. There is no one face to this, no one person, and no one action.

  • Kristine D
    Kristine D 2 years ago

    Thank you so much ... I needed this one

  • Maritza Chavez
    Maritza Chavez 2 years ago

    It'd Be Great to Do This In Other Languages. Its Powerful

    • JoinOneLove
      JoinOneLove  2 years ago

      Hey Maritza! We would love to make this video in other languages. Definitely a consideration of ours for the future!

  • Waleed Al-waleed
    Waleed Al-waleed 2 years ago

    fuck mainstream media

  • Deanna Breezy
    Deanna Breezy 2 years ago

    my boyfriend does this...

    • JoinOneLove
      JoinOneLove  2 years ago

      Hey Deanna! We encourage you to reach out to some of the resources that we have on our website at www.joinonelove.org/real_time_resources . The relationships depicted in this video are abusive, so if you are experiencing this behavior from your partner, we advise you to get help - even just talking to a peer advocate to learn more. You can also check out some resources that we have available on our blog at www.joinonelove.org/blog to learn more about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

  • KC
    KC 2 years ago

    plus i would rather be with a someone who doesnt want me to hang out with other guys instead of one who doesnt care and turns out to be secretly cheating on me or just acts like going clubbing an being with friends more important than being with me sometimes...

  • KC
    KC 2 years ago

    im not saying that some people dont say because i lvoe you to control people...but some of these sentences are normal. i mean seriously, in 2017, where sex and peoples feelings seem to hold no value, how can you not be jealous or worried about your partner spending any time (without you) with someone of the opposite sex or same sex (if your gay or bi, trans ect...)...? in my opinion if your not keeping close tabs on you lover then it gives them open oppportunities to cheat...or be seduced. its too easy these days for people to consider "the grass greener on the other side" its all about how good they are being sucked or banged now instead of how good people treat them. mostly "its her butt is bigger", "his abs are better", " her hair is longer", "his car is nicer"...ect

  • msware0104
    msware0104 2 years ago

    After 4 1/2 years of this and something unspeakable... I walked away just 3 days ago and I'm never looking back.